A vague feeling of having an incomplete job. I've had sex, had healthy relationships, played games, done whatever I wanted for a while, but it feels like theres still something left. After i figure it out, im probs gonna exit.
For me, it's... "I don't really have a reason to die, either, right?" I mean, what's the point? life will always be interesting. Good points, bad points, but interesting nonetheless. Why kill yourself? You could die today, but you could also see what happens tomorrow. You may be dumped by some cheating whore today, but who knows? you might meet your damn soulmate tomorrow. In short, the answer for me is, there's always going to be something new, or better, or worse next. Why not just see what it is?
>>692447531 Don't get me wrong, great answer, but I'm just completely anhedonic lately. Everything seem bland an unimportant. Granted I just got out of a serious relationship and that always has that effect on people, but I mean, if life isn't meant to find that one person, what is it for? Why are we here? Why do we bother?
I'm not going to kill myself, it's not like I want to die, I'm just wondering what the point of it all is.
>>692447809 >what is it for? Why are we here? Why do we bother? Well hey I mean, dont ask an impossible question or anything ;).
Personally I'm an atheist so most people don't like my answer of "well we're not really here FOR anything, it just is what it is". If you want to get technical I guess from a biological point of view we are here to continue the human race. which is exactly why a serious relationship ending can have such an earth shattering emotional impact on a person. I know that feel Anon, I've been there.
>>692448144 We've all been there, myself for I'd say the second time that actually matters for anything. I don't really like people so finding one is hard enough, losing them is much harder.
Just can't really find enjoyment in anything anymore. Nothing seems worth doing, I just kind of sit around finding things to occupy my time until I can sleep, wake up and do it all over again. Trying to find a reason to do more than that.
I think this is my favorite thread on /b/ I've seen in a while. It's not a YLYL full of dumb hilarious shit, its not a cancer turned spiderman thread, and it's not a classic magic thread, but it's a chill, meaningful thread that might save someone's fucking life, with a few jokes and classic /b/ness sprinkled in.
>>692448404 Sure, but the "why are WE here" doesn't have an answer. Find something you want to live for, thats great! But what I'm saying is there is no build-in answer to those types of questions, no intrinsic meaning to life.
>>692446223 >What keeps the gun out of your mouth? Not having a gun.
Bullshit aside has to be curiosity and that small glimmer of hope that everything will be good one day. It's not particularly bad now, but far from the greatest and far from my potential. Just wanna see how far i can go before i kick the bucket from reasons other than me offing myself.
>>692448501 >Just can't really find enjoyment in anything anymore.
Yeah I've been there too. this is likely more of a physical reaction to what you're going through than you realize. Low Dopamine levels due to the "situational depression" you are likely experiencing. Hang in there Anon, as the 'good book' says, this too shall pass.
>>692448210 I don't like life, I don't have much joy, if any, but I'm not going to lose the game. I finish few things but life is one thing I will. If you really care so little play it like I do drop acid every month travel and live, fuck ties, fuck people, just go out and live life and stop looking for something that doesn't exist or is either so fleeting it's existence isn't worth mentioning.
and maybe you'll find out that instead of running to something you're actually running away from it.
>>692446223 The fact that there is so much money for the taking in the world. Also the fact that the purge could one day happen and I could legally kill feminists and all their fellow binary Transgender bisexual black women on a wheelchair.
>>692446223 Sense of self. Sense of others. Fascination with the world, and morbid curiosity with regards to where we go from here. Understanding of the world around me to that of a determinist tune, too, maybe. If I needed to define that.
Knowing that I know something, at least- and knowing that my life is forfeit regardless of my actions (lest I somehow screw up).
All that on top of the fact that I suffer from depersonalization disorder. The one and only true thing keeping me from bathing in gasoline with a box of matches; life just seems that much unreal- and I know that isn't actually the case, but the vague delusion of being "unreal" cannot be shaken wholly, completely. I could do anything, and it'd have regularity and causality and consequence... and yet I feel as if I'm just watching myself lie there.
Just small thoughts, in a big world. Guilty of small things, or guilty of nothing at all.
I should be writing theses with regards to the field of autonomous systems, natural language processing and the like... but I'm not. Somehow, I get away with all of this. I waste all of this talent, this capacity for being... for the most absurdist pleasures. And even still, I go out of my way to pick things back up, without failure (if not without fault). I only have but to look forward for the quiet lull of the dark. Or, perhaps I wake up. I would rather just lie in darkness, but who knows. That being said, I could just as well wrap myself in copper wiring and plug myself into the wall- but I don't much see any reason to, other than to be stupid.
Sometimes I just stare at my environment, be it a wall, or anything else. And I just stare. And I drink it all in. I marvel at the fact that there is such time to even do such a thing. Every line, every edge, every shadow, every texture, every optical flub brought on by our brain's attempts to recognize patterns, where there are none.
>>692446223 I live to further the progress of our collective species. My life is shit, I'm a good person, I've been fucked over and betrayed by the people I gave the most, my hard word and investments for the past decade have gone to shits; but I'm still going to see how far I can push my ideal, and bump humanity up a notch. At the very least, I will write a book. Maybe the right person will read it someday and something good could come out of it. Or I could become head of state, and really impact the way people think.
All human beings must learn to master their sense of ego, or they will end up lying to themselves so long that they become incapable of challenging their own opinions and beliefs. I cannot stress how important this is if we are to survive in the long run as a species.
>>692448991 I found my way by making lots of mistakes, different choices that led me down lots of paths. Eventually I got to know myself and fine tuned my life so it fit me better. The real me. It takes a long time and a lot of pain but you can gradually center yourself over that journey and come to terms with who you really are and what you really need.
For me that turned out to be caring for others, being needed and serving people. Nothing makes me more happy.
Money and to become a mass murderer at the supple age of 45 when my marriage is broken because my wife cheats on me with the neighbor. And i hate my kids because their lazy bums who steal my shit. I will also be stuck at a boring desk job. Wanting to live out that dream is why my noose is under my bed.
>>692451419 Not that anon... but think about it this way.
About 1500 years ago, a bunch of human beings were just the common man, compared to some noble elites or top-tier tribesmen/kingsmen. If you consider the common people of today to be... "not worth it", consider the fact that all of those common people 1500 years ago, in some part or in full, caused what you see around you, and possibly yourself, today.
They may "not be worth it", but making strides so that some at least seize the day, for the remainder of the day (and the day only), is worth something.
Man tho if I did... You don't even know. I wouldn't finish this sentence. Like if one just appeared in front of me right now? Fucking gone man. All my little hopes and dreams and memories and fears and funny stories and emotions and just everything that ever made up who I was? Blood torn shreds on the wall and floor.
I swear to whatever god you might believe in... I've woken up before and just laid in bed. I had work in like 4 hours. I laid there. When it was like 20 minutes to my shift I said "I could either go to work or just lay here until I starve or something"
....I was 20 minutes late coming in. I do not know why I did it. I do not know why I continue anything. Every fucking day I think shit like >"sisters birthday is today.... I could get her something or drive into oncoming traffic and not have to deal with this shit anymore". >"friend is texting me about his break up... I could lie and tell him shit gets better or I could tell him I pray for the ability to feel fucking anything at all ever... or I could like swing a hammer into my forehead super fast, see what happens." >"Boss told me I need to be more productive... I just take calls all day. What does he want, does he think I'm psychic? Like I can make the calls come in faster with my mind? Man I wish I had powers like that.. I'd totally fucking melt my own brain" >"Oh man this guy is selling ice cream... I havent eaten ice cream since I was a kid. Havent seen my mom since I was a kid either... I can't have the ice cream I guess." >"it's 3:22 AM, why can't I sleep? I'm so tired but I can't sleep, how does that make sense? Tired of living but still alive. God I need to make some changes. Like one change. A major change. A gun is not that expensive and you live in Texas they basically hand them out... wheres my phone, going to watch some porn..."
But its not I who is advancing knowledge. There is alot of it out there. I am just learning. Good thing I live in a time where I can google virtually anything and the frontier of science keeps getting pushed
>>692451419 They may not be worth my effort; of this I am painfully aware, but an endless circle of shit can only be broken when someone rises above it all and says "Here, take this, it's yours, goodbye". Teach a man how to fish and he can keep himself fed; teach people how to overcome themselves and the possibilities are endless; no one on the planet needs to go hungry again.
>>692446223 Moving forward into a better life, i just got out of a long relationship and I used to live for love but I think I just want to be single for a few years and find more about myself. I've been exercising and trying to better myself physically and then hopefully better myself mentally. I somewhat love my job its a love hate relationship sometimes my co-workers make me scratch my head and ask "Why?" but most the time I enjoy talking with my boss and some of my co-workers. I used to be pretty suicidal but I figured the best way to keep the gun out of my mouth is to set new goals, obstacles, heights I want to reach before I die. Not gonna lie once I hit 50 or 60 I'm probably going to an hero but until then I'm just going to try to strive for success. It's also a kind of fuck you to any of my exes and anyone who doubted me, I'm kind of shallow sometimes.
>>692446223 Myself. I had relationships where I did all the work to please women. Did romantic things loved them worked hard. For one I loved her children as if they were my own. Call me a cuck it's true, she cheated on me while I was taking care of her, our daughters. I loved her and our daughters and hoped to make a full family. Kicked her out she didn't allow her daughters to stay last I heard she became a meth addict and her kids are floating between family and orphanages.
Now I just live for myself switched careers with as much OT as I want making close to six figures and growing. Hope in 5 years start my own business.
I see the world in gray until I go on vacations I think I might move to Asia it seems more colorful. Food and prostitutes and casual fucks keep me sane now. When I get tired of the vacations the same food and the lack of love while having sex is when I will suicide.
I hope there is some woman out there that will love me, like just look me in the eye and smile and tells me she loves me.
>>692448991 I found it when I was younger, I wanted to play new video games. Every time I wanted to kill myself I thought about that new game that should be worth going for. As I've grown older there's always something new and better that I want to live for. -I want to play battlefield 1 -I want to work out until I have decent legs and arms #getswole -I want to find the place that I fit in, it's changed overtime but I've found being in a place I feel is home is pretty great. People change and things change, life just continues and I have to constantly redefine which people are my home or family the place that I feel safe and good about myself. It's a struggle sometimes but once I find it I can finally relax and just be me and open up. One of my best friends shot himself right after we turned 18, he got his heart broken one too many times, felt alone and lived for love. I don't live for it anymore because I've seen that kind of destruction, a person can do way more damage to you emotionally speaking than my video games or comics.
>>692446223 Im not sure yet. Im fairly young still, had some bad experiences and medical problems but the good has always seemed to outweigh the bad in my life. Theres still much things i havent tried yet and i try to set goals and achieve them. A thousand mile journey start with one step, but i feel that it doesnt make any difference how fast you go just keep on walking towards what you want to do. If that is becoming a ceo making dat cash, walk on. If that is working a shit job to survive, just walk on. If that is going after someone/something you love, just fucking keep walking. If i can give you any tip, it would be: say yes more often, do more random shit or try new things how big or small they may be. Life has a strange way of tossing you into new wonderful (or perhaps horrible) situations but it all begins with your attitude. Hope that makes some sense. Btw i saved that sweet pic OP. Thanks /b/ro
>>692447672 yeah that's a good one. also I think legacy is a big one, to be known for something, or build a family. I mean in the end our primal reason for existence is to fuck and take care that our species does not extinct. But maybe family is not for everyone, if you are happy, you are already a winner. U guess thats the real purpose of life, to be happy, what else is there. And if you have not found your happiness yet. keep looking. Whatever it maybe: raising kids, building an empire, create some beautifull art, or lead humanity to mars like elon musk. Whatever.
>>692446223 Even tho theres so much shit going on, I have so many good moments in my life. I enjoy nature, fires, swimming in the sea, listening to the radio while fapping, i enjoy watching movies and i hope that one day i will find a girl that likes me enough to stay. I hope to get in shape again, stop drinking and smoking and get an education. 21 male.
it's hard to find a gun if you are not living in murica. most countries don't allow guns every corner like murica. also you need to be a selfish prick to kill yourself. don't you think about your pet or your mother or your dad or i don't know shit. suicide is for the selfish weak
That's literally the only thing that keeps me going is pure unfiltered fear of being dead. Will it hurt? Will my thoughts remain? Will I actually be judged? Will my splattered brains make me some sort of person lost in thought space?
>>692456301 > suicide is for the selfish weak you're a dumb retard
first, world around me is my world. when i die, it ends with me.
second, even for your mom/your friends/your girlfriend or whatever else, you're just a part of their existence. just a small part. but for yourself, you are 100% of what you have. your life is 100% of your existence. for them, you might be 5-10% of their existence. how are you being selfish if you want to die? you are not, you experience 100% of your life, not them. if anything, they are selfish to say 'oh anon, i see you wanna die, but dont die because you make up 10% of my life, and i will be uncomfortable if you kill yourself, so just stay uncomfortable and shitty yourself for 100%, so that I can stay comfortable in 10% of my existence'
>>692456712 there is no love, there is only people who want you around to better their own life and gives them the satisfaction of not feeling alone and useless.
You're delusional as hell. There is no caring and free love and all that crap. There is only attraction to have someone in your life until they no longer provide you happiness and then you are tossed out and replaced. You are expendable my little special snowflake.
>>692456712 cool story idiot, you're literally hardwired to be fucking animal. you CANNOT be truly kind towards others or whatnot, you cannot TRULY want to help. all desire to help stems from egotistical reasons, all retards who go to africa to help little niglets dont actually want to help niglets, they want to satisfy their desire to help niglets. IMPOSSIBLE for a human to be truly altruistic.
>>692456785 you're retarded whoreson, read about solipsism, son of whore.
>there is only people who want you around to better their own life and gives them the satisfaction of not feeling alone and useless.
well, you're contradicting yourself - you actually described what love usually is.
>There is no caring and free love and all that crap. There is only attraction to have someone in your life until they no longer provide you happiness and then you are tossed out and replaced. You are expendable my little special snowflake.
For the most part, in the "civilized" world - yup. Still, just because something is *rare* doesn't mean *it doesn't exist*.
>>692456918 friend, you can shit on me all you want. the world does not end because you die. sorry, you might be dead but if a father of two children kills himself there WILL be consequences. but i guess you don't think about that do you? with all this philosophy, you need a dose of the real world son
>>692456918 >you're literally hardwired to be fucking animal. you CANNOT be truly kind towards others or whatnot, you cannot TRULY want to help. all desire to help stems from egotistical reasons, all retards who go to africa to help little niglets dont actually want to help niglets, they want to satisfy their desire to help niglets. IMPOSSIBLE for a human to be truly altruistic.
just because an ideal state is impossible to attain, doesn't mean one shouldn't try to attain it. Just because a person can't be TRULY (define TRULY btw.) altruistic, doesn't mean he can't be SOMEWHAT altruistic.
You're living in B&W world, mate, that's a sign of underdeveloped personality.
>>692446223 You know, I'm not sure anymore OP. In the last 3 months :
> lost my job > found out dad has congestive heart failure > mom died of sepsis a month later > broke my hand in a fistfight
after a few weeks in a cast, here we are: my dad is drinking a half gallon of vodka a day and openly contemplating suicide. He hasn't showed up for work in 3 days, and he just landed the job 2 weeks ago.
I'm still unemployed and I'm going to go blow my savings going to europe, hitch-hiking, taking trains, and pretending to be broke for two months.
If I don't see anything that really hits me as an ideal place and role in life while I'm out there, I'll probably kill myself in Belgium over a bottle of Westvleteren 12.
>>692456918 i don't understand why people feel like they are superior than others because they read about a theory from a guy ages ago about life. i mean, what is the difference between philosophy and religion? it's all theories, no one knows what's afterlife, you can try guessing, you can write a lot of fancy bullshit but truth is you will never know until it happens
My reason is to prove a point. To prove I can be successful when all my life I've been told I'm fucking white trash, and will be nothing but a tweaker by the time I'm 25. I'm 20 now, drug free, make 17 an hour and live way better than anybody I went to school with. I'm running out of points to prove.
>>692456918 The 'no true altruism' theory forgets that true altruism doesn't imply purity of motive. Even if a person engages selfless acts for their own pleasure, the actions themselves are still altruistic. They might have found pleasure in a thousand other ways that helped nobody else. To say altruism demands purity is to ignore the complexity of choice and action, reducing the human experience to black and white. It's a grade school philosophy puzzle trick.
>>692457216 a) never been on redshit, b) you can call me dumb whatever you like, it won't change my IQ by a single digit, mate, c) I also hope my mother dies, because she's a bitch, d) I'm divorced, I was with a total bitch - yet there still are some people other than me that I care about. Just because shit happens doesn't mean you have to wear shit-glasses.
>>692454439 Damn that's rough, I was with this girl who just used me time after time. I kept trying to please her and thought everything was my fault constantly. Every time I would bring up that I didn't feel cared or loved she would just bring up some remedial thing and blow it out of proportion. I spent 4 years trying to please her and in the last year I started to realize that it wasn't my fault the relationship wasn't working it was hers. We eventually had a mutual break up, because "She didn't feel like I didn't care anymore" It's true I didn't because she hadn't cared since the start, she wasn't honest from the start and she broke my trust so many times. It's ridiculous the shit I went through, every time we hung out I had to drive her because she didn't have the financial stability to afford a car, yet she had enough money to buy 2 packs a day, get makeup, get her hair done, go out to eat.
>>692457563 I'm even further down that path - after my drug experiments, I'm ain't even sure my consciousness and brain actually "exist" in any sense of the word. "Me" is just a way my finger points at myself, little more.
>>692457426 >>692457260 >>692457119 >>692457073 argument about semantics and definition of love is stupid. Yes, 'love' is a word for a chemical process in human brains as a result of favorable contact with others. We're biologically wired to form units, clans, families, civilizations. Word it how you like, it's how society came to be.
The hope that some day don't bratty bitch will chastise me and force me to service her without letting me ever cum again for as long as I live. I know my cock won't ever satisfy her but I can always lick and rub her until she is satisfied, or maybe even allow me to use a strap on
>>692457837 a chemical process designed by survival of the fittest or magic sky fairies, one that involves pumping your grey squishy parts full of serotonin and oxytocin you you can stomach being around at least a few other people, repulsive as they might be sometimes. It's the compulsion to care about those who depend on you. It's as chemical and involuntary as it gets. And yes, it definitely exists.
>>692457947 >That means you need to move on harder drugs and orgies.
Frankly, you missed the shot. I strongly doubt if any of the people here tried drugs I did. Google "tropane alkaloids", mate. Also, I ODed two times. Also, if 200-people BDSM/FKK New Years swinger party is not "hard enough orgy", then I don't know what is.
>I'm not the guy you are directly arguing with. But your description of love is as unsatisfactory for us as blow and hookers are for you.
I never gave any description, so I don't understand your point at all.
>>692457347 Truth. I'd even carry that further and say that all activity in general is pointless when boiled down At the end of it, what reason does any choice hold? But that can't deter us from making choices altogether, we have to imbue our own value. Work, hobbies, relationships, passions, they're only as valuable as the participants agree they are. After all, value and worth themselves are just human concepts. It's not like you see animals in existential paralysis
>>692458054 I agree (hell, most of people who did MDMA or any other empathogen would probably agree that love is chemical), but, for me, that doesn't rob it of any of its inherent value. People can do great stuff on amphetamine - and they can do great stuff while in love.
>>692446223 >I'm married to a beautiful woman who's my best friend >we have an active and satisfying sex life >I have three wonderful kids I adore >I live in a comfortable home, drive a nice car and own both >I have a well paying job I find fulfilling >I work with nice people who respect me >I have a fairly affluent lifestyle but live well within my means >I'm on pace to retire in my 50s >I'm in good overall health
My wife. While I admit it's a genuine weakness that can be exploited and I should have more to keep me bound, she's my center. Whether she knows it or not, she's the one thing that keeps me grounded without the heavy doses of anti-psychotics and anti-depressants I used to be on and she's the one thing that keeps me from acting out manically just by my worry about doing something that might hurt her.
Been with her for 12 years now and I have a feeling that if she ever dies before me is the day that I will just stop caring.
I still enjoy videogames, meeting likeminded people online and chatting with them makes me happy. Driving is a passion of mine aswell, just plug in spotify and go for a long drive in the countryside does wonders for my well being. I have no interest in this career thing though, im a very simple person that finds joy in the smallest things.
>>692446223 If I die i wouldn't know where I'd wake up, what people would be around me, and I'd lose my mindset. I could wake up as a baby in a mansion or a slum and I say fuck the odds of both because I choose to stubbornly remain alive no matter I have no reason for my existence, family? Love? Money? Masturbation? Drugs? Depression? Psychosis? Anxiety? Communication problems? Sex? Relationships? Friends? Gay? Straight? Food? Laughing? Whether you have problems it's your decision to solve them or not. Ik I'm fucked if heaven and hell exist so I guess the more time I'm alive the less time ill be stuck down there. On the end I have no reason to be flooding my temple of the mind with your nonsensical useless mantis-life parasitic backwards thinking sad boy lifestyle, I arrogantly and ignorantly choose to live and so can you op, stay strong nothing but love.
im truly altruistic i always have been since i was four years old i cant explain it and i dont care how i sound right now its not something you just start doing you build it into yourself somehow and you have real altruistic feelings i know how hard it is to see things differently just know that the anwsers are out there
>>692466324 This was my first time In Thailand and I was with 2 of my friends. We were just having fun bar hopping and talking to women when I saw an ez 10/10. Now I believe that most guys can get any girl if he is confident enough but this girl was just stupid hot, I was really nervous talking to her but she was super ez to get along with. Come to find out that she is known as a Go Go girl which means she is a hooker basically. I joking asked how much and she said "2000 baht" (which is about $57 USD). I realized that it is cheaper to just get Thai bar girls then to have a girl friend which on average you pay alot more for American girl friends but that has just been my experience. I wound up taking her back to my room and it was probably one of the best sex nights I have ever had. Thai girls are incomparable to Americans.
I live to pleasure myself. It can be by eating great food (most of the time), by sex, by doing good deeds to make me feel good,by playing video games, or by having adrenaline in my life among other things. I like to live my life like there's no tmrw by getting lit and stuff. I live to make my senses flourish. It's kind of a nihilistic thing, but not the depressed kind of nihlism. I think it's called optimistic nihlism and it describes me well.
Good question anon, i like being good at things. I'm not good at many things but the things i'm good at I enjoy. Pretty random bunch of things. Obviously sex is the first thing any guy will say (whether i'm good or not), playin footy, playing BF4, always working on getting that perfect leg spin, 4WDing, settin up a good (mostly) self sufficient camp for weeks or months at a time, even for a loser like me there's way too much good shit in the world to worry about killing yourself.
>>692453145 Kill this "Self" you have been having presenting to your friends and family. You don't believe in mainstream cultural values like birthdays and monogamous relationships. Then let them deal with that rather than you bend to the people who don't think at all.
>>692447318 Up until like 4 weeks ago it was selling/doing heroin. Now though idk, I guess because being divers bout to open doors and u wanna c where they go, I can always relapse if I'm unhappy and regain my purpose in life. Plus bout to get my degree so it'll b nice to have $ w/o a drug habit to support
>>692446223 death is inevitable, it will always be forthcoming. life on the other hand is not. i know life, its not always enjoyable but its also not always unenjoyable. death is a mystery and offers nothing to me. i will only live so long but i have an eternity to be dead.
>>692475733 replying to my own post, i also dont wanna end the ride yet. ive really limited the things i can do being a junkie from 15-24 so why would i end it when theres a lot left to experience? plus like i said if im not happy/fufilled by whats out there i can always use drugs to turn inward again. im surprised no one else on here stated heroin (or other drugs) as they live for, was hoping i could talk to other ppl like me. i know some ppl said it was part of what they live for but in case it was ALL life had to offer
>>692446223 Hope remains things will eventually get better. My life has been shit for about three years now but i keep trying. Finish college and see where I'll end up. If I still feel like i do today in my thirties I might reconsider this whole keep trying attitude though
live for the balance. the good and the bad. know that life is full of both, and you cannot choose only good. that's what the rich do but that upsets the balance and that's why the poor have it so bad. someone must carry the burden equally. getting to know the balance will bring you wisdom. there is balance in all existing things. think deeply and always see things with good and bad filters. the choice to make things good will sometimes be in your power.
aside from my outlook, a wise man once said that in order for your soul to have fulfillment, one must have work, an athletic hobby, and an artistic hobby.
once you go through an existential crisis, you must decide what purpose your life will have for you.
everyone has problems. some get better from them, some get bitter. too much bitterness makes life harder until you can't take it anymore. this is the point known as rock bottom. this is where you kill yourself, or decide to move up in the world by loving yourself enough to discipline yourself.
in a world full of knowledge, we are starving for wisdom.
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