I'm pretty sure tonight or tomorrow me and my gf are gonna break up. She's amazing and I'm ok myself, but she's a depressed anxiety ridden schizophrenic that's not looking for anything long term. And I've been digging a huge whole for myself continuously since Sunday night. We work together so I'm putting applications in other restaurants. But I'm not too sad, she kept me from moving to Colombia and I had fun with her. The end.
>>685332241 honestly i cant be on /b/ anymore, its all just a big mess here, i cant remember if its always been like this but now when i browse the main page in catalog mode only this song goes through to my head https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zLfCnGVeL4
>>685336572 if you cant move on just tell her how you feel no matter if its face to face or over net important part is to just say it, once its done youll be free and feel free in a few weeks you gotta say to yourself that you dont look back, dont fall for her again, they asy you cant control who you fall for but thats a lie you just gotta try, she is behind you now and your path goes on untill someone else stumbles on your road
I used to be fun and relatively outgoing. I freaked out in a hotel with my boyfriend in 2014 because of anxiety, even now I'm still terrified at the idea of being out of the house, or going somewhere that requires a an overnight stay. I'm only fucking 22 and I jump when someone knocks at my door. Anxiety sucks. I wish I could just be fucking normal again.
Tl;dr: I'm a complete shut in, cry alot and feel like I can't be out of my comfort zone for longer than a couple hours.
>>685332241 >when I was 18 I met gf >we got along great >6 months in she hides dinner plans with guy from work >I find out >she cancels making me out to be horrible >guy gets a new job elsewhere, end of that >2 years in she goes to university >one night she confesses she kissed some guy whilst drunk on a night out >dumps me when I'm saying "it was just a kiss, you wont do it again" >2 months later begs me to come back >blowjobs on demand, anal, dressing up, bondage, anything I like >I think with my dick and take her back >a month later she confesses she fucked 2 guys >I dump her >a month later she begs me to take her back again, says she has grown up >a few months later she starts cutting herself >later on she starts hitting me if I try to leave >threatens to kill herself and write a letter claiming I raped her if I break up or stop trying for us >I'm stuck in this relationship with nobody to turn to >getting punched while I sleep, punched for forgetting something in her food order, anything so she doesn't cut herself >reach 5 years together >"Anon you had better propose soon" >I do propose, she cries and screams with joy, shares pics to fb, calls family >decides that is the best time to confess that she slept with 8 guys throughout our relationship >I go to toilet and get my phone out >set it to record video >I go back to her >"If you leave, I'll claim you raped me and then I'll kill myself, my family will never forgive you" >I show her recording phone, she cries >I leave >tell her that its up to her how she tells her family >its over >should feel great, but I don't >she kills herself a month later >I panic when I see women who look like her >I flinch when women try to touch me >its been 2 years >I'm just "that guy whose girlfriend killed herself" >known to seemingly everyone in my county
>You are a disgrace for our entire family >Nobody loves you, noone will ever love you >Why you keep dissapointing us? >You can't do anything right, can you? >Go away you freak >You failed again, didn't you? >We shouldn't date anymore >It's not me, it's you. This isn't working for us. I need to know other people, other places... >Why are you doing this to us? Where did we go wrong?
Weird reason to have feels about, but I'm pretty sure I fucked up my final exams on vocational training. It took me 1 1/2 years just to get the position, and it took so much help to get me out of the fucking gutter. And now I fucked it all up because I just can't bring myself to care. Best thing is I'll only know in late june.
>>685337680 BPD or bipolar or something. The other guy is right, she was crazy and would have needed up that way anyway. Nothing you could have done man.
Time to forgive your self and move on.
Go to live in another county, state or country. Or save up and travel for a while in some cheap countries. Help some people out, go volunteering for six months. Do different things, experience new things.
I had a relationship with a crazy girl for 3 years, she went off and didn't think twice about me, at the same time, my health failed and hasn't improved, balls atrophied, libido gone, doctors don't know what it is or how to fix it, my life is ruined. Still think about her, afraid of women touching me I think for physical reasons. I don't feel human.
If you have your health, find a way to move past it.
I just moved hundreds of miles from my parents' safety net to be with my girlfriend, but I'm suddenly finding myself unattracted to her both sexually and romantically. And to top it all off I have a major crush on an internet friend who lives across the country and is already dating someone
>>685336572 move on just like everyone else in the world... we all get our heart broken it's normal now you have to start picking up the pieces and enjoying life by going out with friends and doing whatever it is that you enjoy
>always pretend to be happy/normal in front of friends, family and girlfriend >well paying job >only 20 years old >life should be pretty good right?
>always feel something is missing >always feel exhausted >considering suicide frequently, just because I feel like I need to >search suicide on Omegle and begin encouraging people to kill themselves
I'm a fucking monster guys. I know I should kill myself because I'm an abomination. Worse thing is, I can wake up one day and decide there's actually nothing wrong with me and that I'm perfect. And then go back to suicide the very next day.
Wat do when it's been 6 months and you can't get over that Fucking heartless bitch who brought you down in every opportunity and shaped you skillfully enough so you can barely have a normal conversation without her? I mean, my loving ex.
Can't find original picture so here goes the pasta >"Room is empty. Realize that you're adrift in an uncaring world, in which everyone is only out to help themselves, that all human interaction is based on lies and selfishness. Realize you'll never find true love because love doesn't exist. Realize that your entire life will not leave a lasting impression on the world, and your entire legacy will be reduced to an empty, soul-less corpse. Realize that, no matter how many people you surround yourself with, you will die alone."
>>685340424 For one thing stop being a cunt to people that are also suicidal.
Look at the things you have, a job, money, friends family gf. Not everyone has that for one thing, also most people end their lives if they have nothing, yet you have what a lot of people would kill for.
If you are seriously unhappy, try and find something different, maybe a different job, new location, I'm not really good at this but you'll get there anon don't give up.
I've lost 4 of my friends in Afghanistan. I'd been to Iraq with most of them a year and a half earlier. It took me awhile, but I dealt with it. Painfully, but dealt with all the same.
Since I got out in late 2013, 6 more of my friends have died. Not from IED attacks or firefights, but by their own hand. Everytime one of them dies I feel a piece of me die too. I barely reacted this last time, which was a month ago. I feel hollowed out. The only time I think about it is when I'm drunk, which just makes me drink some more. I don't care about anything, and it's impacted me financially, and with my relationships with my family and my wife. I think she's going to leave me soon. I don't care about that either. I don't know what to do, or if I'm even strong enough to do it, but part of me wants to be normal, have the family, the good career, the white picket fence.
The other part wants me to sit and drink until I die, alone, unloved, with the soft glow of a computer the only spark of light in my miserable existence. I'm losing to this part anons. I really am.
>>685341003 Well... I can't help but wish you the best of luck, trying to leave the shitzone, it's gonna be hard and you WILL feel like shit from time to time, but keep doing it hard enough and you may find happiness at the end of all of this. I couldn't
>>685341102 My father always told me that drinking amplifies the emotion you're experiencing. I didn't believe him at first, but I later found out that it was somewhat true by experience. Going outside for a jog was a great stress relief/antidepressant in my case, I'd recommend that over alcohol.
>>685340379 >>685340545 thank you man, probably won't get them since I lost my only friend this week because of a stupid fight and my mom is the only family member who's still in my life. You guys are the only ones who make me feel a little better so thank you anon
>year and a half ago fuck that's gone fast >girlfriend calls me on phone, wants to talk about relationship
>to elaborate I met her about 2 years before this >instant connection, end up fucking after drinking too much one night >she's pretty messed up, more self harm than you would believe. >she teaches me how to be confident >she makes me feel attractive >she's beautiful and helps me get my life in check >overtime her mental health problems become too much for me to cope >I start being horrible to her >practically rape her a few times after getting drunk >we go on a break >get back together and everything starts to improve
>fast forward 2 months and here I am, away for 2 weeks for uni exams >she's back home, calls me >at first I laugh it off, things have finally been improving >she's more serious than I realised >out of the fucking blue >finally can't take it anymore and hang off >text later and decide to stay and talk more when I get back
>on train home >snapchat from gf >she meant to send it to her friend or some shit idk >other guy, bigger than me, more muscular than me >his dick inside her >"mmmhmmmmmmmm"
Attempted suicide, drank enough to kill a horse and then got over it, met someone else and here I am today. I am happy now, genuinely that's true.
But she was honestly the love of my life, I don't think I'll ever feel the way I felt about her about anyone else ever again.
>Be me in college late 90's. >Have on again off again gf at another school. Currently off again. >Meet girl in IRC chat. >Lives close by, everyone in chat jumps my ass when I enter. >Her ex is abusive similar IP addy. >Goes to my university. Fuck me what are the chances. >Had classes together, know each other, remember her, cute girl solid 7/10, outdoorsy petite cowgirl type. >Shes not enrolled, figured maybe ex situation. >Talk on phone, get freak on, decide to meet up. >Not enrolled because chemo treatments but going good no treatments has short hair, still cute little thin but recovering. >Shes going to re-enroll, tells me meeting me reenergized her. >Starts riding her horse again. Her parents and roomies thank me all the time. >Dating now even take to see Titanic. Being girl she loves it. >Go horse riding with her even though I dont trust the beasts. She is so happy doing it. >Holidays arrive spend time with her, still see other on off again girl but as friend no hook up. >Really in love with this girl, she says it first crying and I tell her back. Best love making ever on New Years Eve. >Spring semester time for her to enroll, but starts getting sick again. >Remission over, stsrts fading, has to withdrawal or get extensions. >Chemo is kicking her ass. She starts pulling away. >One day tries to ride her horse again alone falls off and is in woods hurt. Parents call me and I rush from class and find her. >All she does is apologize for meeting me while I carry her. >I wile her eyes and tell her I love her no matter what. >Finally has to be admitted to hospital. >Hold her hand on my bday as shes dying. >Tell her I love her and she smiles weakly and is about to say sorry. Says to let her go and like she did in Titanic and live my life for is both. >Bawling like a baby as she dies on my bday. >Her parents tell me how they love me and are grateful. >Couple of weeks later college girl returns. >End up back with her because I am defeated. >cont.
>>685341365 Thanks. I can't help it sometimes. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense that normal people don't have suicidal thoughts and that people that are having suicidal thoughts should probably just die. Because they can't belong or cope with this world. Or something.
>>685337915 > Parents > Me after my ex cheated on me > Parents > Me/Parents > Don't get called a freak so clear here. > Parents > Uhh haven't had this one, did more than date. > Me with my ex, bit of both idk, but it tore me apart.... > My ex
>>685341999 I actually don't daydream about suicide. Furthest I've ever gone is laying down a Fronking on some scumbags and most likely getting killed in the process because there's really no other outcome. I want to feel something again, and there's nothing quite like a good firefight to make you feel alive.
>>685342245 Well I kind of think of it differently, which is maybe why aren't neccessarily suicidal like most of you on these threads. I look at these threads when I feel in a feelsy mood - can't really describe it, but I like going on these threads and seeing stories and it gives me a new look on life, overall it makes me sadder but I kind of feel happier in a weird way too. However seeing the comments such as yours makes me feel bad though. I don't know a lot of people that are "normal" anon, it's certainly not an uncommon thing for you to be suicidal unfortuantely, but the way I think of it is that no one should die if they haven't killed someone or something, if you just happen to be a dick sometimes because you can't deal with your own problems, then you just need to find what makes you happy and what can stop you from feeling this way. If you could never find anything that makes you happy, then no there is no reason to stay alive truely, but only if you've tried and it can take years anon. Just try not to give up.
>>685342229 >cont >She never has never knoen about other girl. >She never knew I would go and take the horse for walks when i needed a break. >She thinks holiday cards I get from her parents are some aunt uncle, even though I never explained that. >She doesnt know why I really suggested the name i did for our daughter. >Wife thinks Rose was from Titanic and because wife is redhead and looks a little like Kate did in the movie. >She doesnt realize that the true love of my life was named Rose and died on my bday 18 years ago next week. >Hopes my daughter lives life as much as her namesake wanted.
A girl and I have been fooling around recently. She's here on her student exchange, and has a boyfriend back home. They've had some stupid argument or something so basically this girl can meet other people guilt free. Thing is, I'm falling in love with her. She basically told me we have no future together, because she's going back home soon.
>>685339191 Fuck off. Just because you cant feel intimate with someone unless there is the buffer of a fucking computer screen between you does not make it a valid concern of anyone else. Go to fucking /soc/ for bullshit like that. Otherwise let the rest of us enjoy being able to get beyond numb dystopia for a change.
>>685343163 Dude. Don't fall in love with a fucking whore. She has cheated on her man with you, what makes you think she won't do the same to you once she get's bored with you? Get over this slut. Go find yourself a quality girlfriend instead. One that will cook, clean and suck you dick and your dick only.
I don't post much but I suppose I could share. Found out on Tuesday that I have Lymphoma. Doctors are positive and say i have a strong chance of beating it or whatever. I'm only 24 and I have never smoked or anything like that. I just haven't had anyone to talk to about it. Parents are going through a divorce and don't want to burden friends too much. Just want to get off my chest that I'm fucking terrified.
>>685340894 You man the fuck up, and become the complete antithesis of what she wanted you to be. If for nothing else than the fact that knowing you are happier without her, being the man you want to be, will fucking KILL her inside!
>>685342733 I think it goes further than this actually. I want to fucking kill someone again. I've got all this rage and violence pent up, and I just have to bottle it down and smile and so my paperwork. I want to fold somebody up like a lawn chair again after squeezing a trigger.
I know a few dindus that push junk at a hotel. I know they're armed, and I know how they operate. It wouldn't take much for me to kill them. I've got the gear and the weapons, all I'd have to do is a little recon and planning. Probably take less than 5 minutes. I think about it a lot. I drive by there at least once a week. Maybe start there and work my way up. Maybe snatch one so I can figure out where they get the shit so I can go there and keep working. I want to so bad /b/. I won't go to jail. I won't commit suicide. But maybe I could go out in a blaze of glory, one last fight.
I can't let go of the past and move on. I still think I'm the same little kid who's getting made fun of everyday. I understand intellectually that my siutation has changed but emotionally I haven't gone anywhere. I still beat myself up and ruin myself over the smallest mistakes or if I don't know something or get it right away. I don't understand how to have fun or enjoy myself in any way. I feel like a horrible person for just existing on this planet. I hate myself everyday and I don't want to do it anymore
I constantly feel like a waste of space no matter what I do. I've tried maintaining a job but I'm constantly doubting myself causing me to be pretty shit at any job I do so I end up getting fired inside a month, tried exercise but can't stay motivated, can't find a girl that'll tolerate my low self esteem and depression issues. I fucking hate myself but I'm too much of a bitch to kill myself and see what happens. I've thought about it, once leaving a note with instructions on who to contact and what to do with some of my property.
Just spent around 4 or 5 hours waiting for a girl to show up and she didn't. She texted me about needing surgery and hasn't texted since. So i spent the rest of the night getting high and walking around town in the early hours of the morning alone.
>>685345320 Well I could get into that but that's a lot of typing. Let's just say they haven't always been the best parents. I had to leave home at 16 due to abuse so I'm used to being 'on my own' on these types of things I guess.
I won't make it through this Summer, guys. I am 100% sure I won't if it will be same as a last year. I don't want to get back to that state when I just sit here 24/7 not doing a fuck. I don't wanna have to look at pictures of my friends on facebook. How they went to that party/that festival/that club without even thinking about inviting me. How I will have to watch groups of friends whenever I'll go somewhere alone. How I'll have hundreds of hours of free time to think about things I have never done. How my loneliness will be way worse than usually. You /b/ros will be my company for the fucking summer.
1rst real long term gf. Meet her on dating site. Profile says add my xbox gamertag. I do it. We talk for about 4 months. She always cancels plans to hang with me. Dates a couple dudes meanwhile. Still a virgin. Me still a virgin. So i proceed to shoot for it. Finally meet up. She acts like she can keep up the friendly "dude" attitude around me. Doesnt. We hang out again and i kiss her. We are together. Find out she was canceling because her mom had diabetes and is in oretty bad shape. Cant walk. Love the fuck out of her. Drive 20 miles to her house and back every night to see her. Gets a little deeper. I help her take care of her mom. With household issues (dads not around). One day about 5 months in. Find she still talks to her ex. Dont like it. She says its just a friend. I know she cant go out so im cool. She talks to her gamer friends as well. Some i really dont like who have been fanboying her for some time. 8 months in. Mom becomes ill. Shes in the ER more than at home. Spend countless nights in ER and critical condition waiting room with her. Leaving only to go to work and shower. One night shes feeding her mom. Had a little argument earlier that day. Her phone is lighting up like crazy. See its from gamerfag. See the text headers. Get curious. Open phone. Shes talking MAD shit about me to him and other guys. Like personal shit. Hurt. Love of my life (i thought at the time) Confront her. She defends herself without a sorry and i just put up with it (i was stupid at the time) soon after that her mom is about to croke and in a room full of crying family im the only person holding back a smile. So we go on. I lose interest. I build confidence. She slides into a pit of depression. I see other girls looking at me and im surely staring back. Decide to pull the ladder out of my gfs pit and leave her and tell her im not into her anymore. Start dating and having the time of my life. Get promoted. Girls. Happy
>>685337362 well, i am relatively open but i tell people rarely. I never start crying except when i hear a sad / moody song (i stopped listening to music tho). Most of the time i am just scared, mad or bored
i think i'm getting pretty fucking close to actually killing myself.
i'll probably go out in a hedonistic bang, doing as many drugs as possible and just doing whatever the fuck i want for a few days, then i'll just end it all after i burn out, or maybe i'll be lucky enough to OD and die before that happens.
there are just too many loose ends in my life that i'm worried i'm never going to tie. i just wanna let them all go.
the more life goes on the more i realize i'm never going to be happy. this world isn't for me. i'm fucking defective.
>>685337680 I have a similar albiet different story. >be 20 >play mmo >meet mexifag that I end up dating (I'm amerifag) >relationship starts very smoothly >falls in love with each other >start to have problems in relationship >we sharescreen via skype and he gets extremely jealous and ignores me for 5 days >try to confront him but he is dismissive >break up round 1 >300 text messages and 10 phone calls after morning >we get back together >relationship starts to take a turn towards mental abuse
>>685345383 The worst part is knowing what is in the other side, bro. I can tell you what to do, but you won't believe me, I guess. Just leave. Sell everything you own, buy a bag, buy one week of clothing and leave. Just walk around the world. Work where people accept you, for a living, but never end to walk, you'll find a place which fits you, that's a promise.
Or you can kill you. The other side isn't that frightening, but finding a way to deal with life worths the small first effort.
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