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Can we have a Useless Superpowers thread? You post a superpower

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 236
Thread images: 14

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Can we have a Useless Superpowers thread?
You post a superpower and other anon make your power useless

ex: The ability to fly, only when you are shitting yourself

Ill start: The ability of regeneration
>>
>>685231311
>The ability of regeneration
Only when you are healthy

>The ability of not being a faggot
>>
The power to suck any sized shit back into you anus.
>>
But only when you aren't shitposting...which is never
>>
>>685231491
But you always suck too hard and end up vomiting it out.

The power to be blind in the darkness
>>
>>685231477
>the ability of not being a faggot
only when there's semen in your ass

>unbreakable skin
>>
>>685231658
But only if you are punched in the balls before

>super strenght
>>
>>685231477
Only when your sucking dicks. Good luck with always wanting Dick, but never enjoying it.

The ability to oh shit wuddup.
>>
>>685231658
only after being stabbed 10 times
>>
The ability to become invisible
>>
>>685231803
but weak bones so any move you make breaks your limbs
>>
>>685231911
but only when you are jerking off
>>
>>685231911
But no gf
Oh wait

The ability to see ghosts
>>
>>685231311
The ability to not be tired
>>
>>685232067
How is that a bad thing? Just fap all the time.
>>
>>685232094
>The ability to see ghosts
but only ones who're still alive

the ability to read minds
>>
>>685232243
but only when you are not doing anything

>>685232251
Yes, you can fap in public but the moment you cum you become visible again
>>
>>685232094
But nobody believes you unless you're naked

Able to walk through walls like they aren't there
>>
>>685232341
but only in other languages and the moment you learn said language it changes
>>
super strength
>>
>>685232341
Only when they are getting Anal sex.

The ability to remotely gas jews.
>>
>>685232524
but weak
>>
>>685232524
Have to suck dick every hour for it to work
>>
>>685232067
That's actually the opposite of useless
>>
The ability to heal others
>>
>>685232377
Just fap slowly.
>>
>>685232341
but the just changes the defintion of ghosts
>>
eye beams

only when sleeping
>>
>>685232617
have small penis.
>>
>>685232422
but only through doors
>>
>>685232617
Can only heal by hurting someone else
>>
>>685232617
but it makes your dick smaller everytime
>>
>>685231311
The ability to see history and past events with perfect detail.

You can't fix things that have already happened.
>>
Shit thread tbh lads, these aren't funny.
>>
>>685232617

But someone else has to die
>>
The ability to jizz acid only when your cumming on someone's face
>>
>>685232734
>Heal yourself by killing someone else.
>get 1-up
>>
>>685231311
The ability to fly is useless by it's self.

You A go so fast that you can't breath and black out or B land to hard and kill yourself.
>>
>>685232813
show us how is it done, then
>>
>>685232617
but they die as soon as youdo.
>>
Able to harness the power of nature; all natural phenomenons, storms, animals, etc. at your disposal
>>
>>685232930
sure, give me a super power.
>>
>>685232243
But only after you get a good night's rest
>>
>>685232980
but there are no longer natural phenomenons.
>>
>>685232930
>>685233105
>>685232980

Take this one then
>>
>>685233105
The power to give you a super power
>>
>>685233105
The ability to locate all bronies and undertail faggots within 1 mile radius.
>>
>>685232980
you gotta have heavy mental retardation for it to work
>>
>>685233221
Instant boner and can only go away by touching them
>>
>>685233312
Implying i'd want it to go away.
>>
>>685231311
The ability of regeneration
-only when paying your own hospital bills.
>>
>>685231311
Ability to grow dank weed from your fingertips instantly ready to smoke.
>>
the superpower to get laid with everyone you desire, and get anything you want them to do.
>>
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>>
>>685232543
>The ability to remotely gas jews
but only the charitable ones.

the ability to hitler did nothing wrong.
>>
>>685233648
Only works once you're dead
>>
>>685233583
but the cops are always near by
>>
>>685232980
>>685233184

only works if I'm not shagging your mom, which means it will never work

>>685233214

only works if you stop being a fag

>>685233221

only works when you are in a furry convention
>>
>>685233648
>the superpower to get laid with everyone you desire, and get anything you want them to do.

You can't get a boner before or during you getting laid.
>>
>>685233583
It causes severe alergies.

The ability to kill Muslims by thinking about it.
>>
>>685232679
square up you crusty faggot
>>
>>685233898
Must be Donald trumps sex slave for at least 3 months
>>
>>685232683
Cyclops with xmen:
Ability to have laser beams coming out of your eyes.....but only and always happens when your your eyelids are open.
>>
>>685233910
It does though, nigger
>>
>>685233898
But you are a Muslim
>>
>>685231873
It's dat boi
>>
>>685233806
Nigger Jew.
>>
>>685233898
The Muslims have to be wearing short skirts. Otherwise they are invulnerable to you.
>>
>>685233994
Make America gay again
>>685234102
The power isn't random, so that's fine.
>>
Power of reading minds
>>
>>685234357
But you can only read the minds of gay people
>>
>>685231630
You mean
>The power to see in the dark
?
>>
>>685234357
You can't turn it off.

The power to make all girls willingly give me their dirty socks
>>
>>685234357

You can only read the minds of people who are horny.
>>
>>685234437
No, he really means it
>>
>>685231911
You're indefinitely invisible.
But if you put clothes on, your clothes will vanish and you'll appear visible and naked.
>>
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>>685234491
but they all stinky stinky xDDD
>>
>>685234522
How is this bad?
Oh wait, don't want faggot thoughts.
>>
>>685234491

They always have foot fungus.
>>
>>685234357
If they are telling the truth
>>
>>685234491

You live in a place where there are no socks
>>
>>685234777
That's... Sort of the idea...
>>
>>685234833
Ugh you meanie
>>
>>685234068
holy fuck you autistic double nigger, it was a joke. let it go. go make another fucking smash bros. spreadsheet or something.
>>
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>>685234873
>>
>>685232915
Sounds like something Marines could use.
>>
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black power
>>
Useless Superpower: White skin.

There is no better answer than that.
>>
>>685231477
Only when not making threads on /b/
>>
The ability to never need food/water
>>
>>685235111
Stinky dirty nigger.
>>
>>685231311
The power to see through glass
>>
>>685235111
Nobody likes niggers, they have a lower IQ
>>
>>685232377
They can't see if you cum in their eyes
>>
>>685235246
but you need to eat shit weekly for it to work
>>
The power to breathe in space

The power to fly

And

The power to use laser bemes
>>
>>685235271
I don't think you get it
You post a regular understandable superpower then OTHERS make it useless
>>
>>685235252

No, I'm a white guy who's sick and tired of hearing about how much power the color of my skin provides me while everyone else is sitting in the bus I'm pushing.
>>
>>685235398
Not useless. shit can be sanitized and it is everywhere
>>
>>685235466
No, I think that would actually be a pretty cool power to have.
>>
>>685231898
Top kek
>>
The power to telepathically make anyone orgasm at will
>>
>>685235569
That just brings the idea full circle to where you can go without eating or drinking, but only if you eat.
>>
Telekinetic powers
>>
>>685235448
1. Only when you're naked
2. Every time you fly you must shed your limbs afterwards and wait for them to regrow in 3 months
3. You can't aim for shit
>>
>>685235964
Only when the object you're controlling is on the other side of a 6-inch-thick wall.
>>
>>685235935
Well when I am in the underground shelter during the apocalypse I will be eating my shit and thriving for decades
>>
>>685231898
With a thumb-tack...
>>
>>685235729
How about the power of retarded damage control
>>
>>685236101
Could still use the power to cause a distraction or something
>>
The ability to have any ability with no down sides
>>
the power to turn water into wine
>>
>>685235882
Only works when you are more than two hundred miles from that person
>>
>>685236249
cool, you're a citizen of the free world
>>
>>685236254
but it also turn the water you are made of into wine
>>
>>685236254
But only when you drink the water and shit out wine
>>
>>685236106
>Well when I am in the underground shelter during the apocalypse I will be eating my shit and thriving for decades

what are you, some kind of perpetual defecation machine?!?
>>
>>685236249
Only works after you die
>>
>>685235882
Your penis reduces to half its size permanently every time you use it. Meaning, if your dick is 6 inches hard, it will be 3 inches the first time you use it and 1.5 inches the second time you use it. Would go on indefinitely
>>
>>685236254
but you have to be crucified at 30 for the sins of man
>>
>>685236254
You get crucified at age 33.
>>
>>685236021
1. Anyone would make that exchange. Being naked isn't as bad as it seems, especially if you're able to breathe in an environment where it's impossible for anyone else to breathe.

2. Also worth it, because that flaw allows me to have some sort of regenerative power, as well, so I can pretty much get my arms shredded to bits every 3/ months, fly somewhere I want to go, then detach my limbs and grow new ones back. An EOD would give anything for that power.

3 Only Good Drawback here.
>>
>>685234984
I only replied once, madfag.
>>
>>685236213
But how would you know you have it if you can't see it?
>>
>>685236677
Outer space is -454.81 degrees Fahrenheit. You would freeze to death without a suit on.
>>
>>685237021
I am a fucking genius. If I could physically merge with your kidney disease and a few weeks back in the day.
>>
>>685237082
Hadn't thought that through. Point to you.
>>
the gift of unlimited pocket sand
>>
>>685237226
:)
>>
>>685237188
You what?
>>
>>685235392
Holy shit
>sensiblechuckle.gif
>>
>>685231311
Unlimited universal refill of whatever I want with said subject.
example: bank account dry? refill.
>>
>>685237309
Sorry. I suffer from a disorder sort of like tourettes but with my the same time i I am not going sure that to you me know what you think you are a typing.
>>
>>685237242
but only when you're in a desert or on the beach
>>
>>685237444
Each time you do it, 5 members of your family are brutally murdered.
>>
>>685237242
Produced from endlessly painful urination
>>
>>685237591
I hate a lot of my family, I'll be fine if i get to pick who.
>>
>>685237444
But your luck is so shitty, every object you fill automatically has holes in the bottom of it. In cases of non-physical objects, like bank accounts, your account gets hacked and someone siphons cash from your account till there is none left.
>>
>>685237591
What happens when he runs out of close relatives?
>>
>>685237660
Ah OK cool. How about each time you do it, you are immediate raped by a pack of niggers using baseball bats wrapped in concertina wire
>>
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>>685233583
>>
the power to catch them all
>>
>>685237909
Then it kills you. Your days are numbered, slut.
>>
>>685237509
That's a real power.
>>
>>685238035
you done did it.
>>685237837
I'll just re fill more.
>>
>>685238247
And then it drains more.
>>
>>685237242
You can never wear clothes with pockets.
>>
>>685231803

>Super "Strength"

But only when acting like a retard and dyslexic
...

>Being a complete faggot and starting useless threads on websites online. (Like OP)
>>
>>685238142
but they won't evolve.
>>
the ability to sweat koolaid
>>
>>685238352
and i'll re-fill even More.
>>
The ability to vote

The ability to post on 4chan

And

The ability to go to college for free.
>>
>>685238142
But only with STDs
>>
>>685238431
you cant catch them all if they never evolve
>>
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the power to summon pickles
>>
>>685238577
but you're a faggot
>>
>>685238577
only when you have a MONSTER dick in your asshole.
>>
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The power to turn into a girl.
>>
>>685238577
>Ability to Vote
for bernie sanders you underage slut
>ability to post on 4chan
as m00t
>ability to go to college for free
gender studies major.
>>
>>685238787
and you cant change back
>>
>>685238676
But it'll always be Stu.
>>
>>685238674
that's the fucking point.
>>
>>685238787
but youll never be pretty :^)
>>
>>685238577
>the power to vote
But only on American idle

>the ability to post on 4chan
These are supposed to be powers without built-in problems

>the ability to go to college for free
But only in high crime areas, or new jersey
>>
>>685238787
caitlyn jenner.
>>
>>685238933
don't hurt me so

>>685238891
>implying I would ever want to be a man again
>>
>>685238891
Bruce Jenner says otherwise.
>>
I have 5th dimensional physiology. Therefore, I don't follow the laws of physics and I can warp reality the way I want.

Ex: I can piss out an AK-47 or faze through a speeding 18-wheeler truck if I wanted to.
>>
>>685239027
He isn't trans and never was. No one in the true trans community thought that old fetishist was serious.
>>
>>685239041
you are mentally retarded & a quad amputee.
>>
>>685239041
but you only exist in the 5th dimension where this is standard among all organisms
>>
I can fuck my girlfriend any time no matter where or what we both are doing works with any girl I am dating.
>>
>>685239041
But you can't interact with anything that isn't 5th dimensional
>>
The power to make /b/ and the rest of 4chan good again.
>>
>>685231311
But you can regenerate when you spend 1 night at hospital.
>>
>>685239367
you have erectile dysfunction.
>>
the ability to use my dick as a helicopter rotor
>>
Checkpoint revival
>>
>>685235392
Kek
>>
>>685239514
but you'll be banned forever afterwards
>>
>>685239535
What so I just fold it in or pop a pill? I would take it.
>>
>>685239514
>it was ever good
>>
>>685239367
She'll be pegging you, no matter the girl or place
>>
>>685239720
You have to die to set a check point.
>>
>>685231911
Only when nobody is looking at you.
>>
>>685235319
>mfw whites have majority of mental retardation, including being gay and autism
>>
>>685239720
there is no autosave feature so you'll have to predict your death ahead of time
>>
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>>685239751
>Though some of your IP's may die, it is a sacrifice... I am willing to make.

>>685239817
That's the reaction I was going for.
>>
>>685235525
this is what I'm talking about. what bus are u pushing unless you're a rich trump like dummy? u white people whine and birch about the most meaningless shut and try to act like you have the weight of the world on your ahoulders. that's why every cuck video has a black man taking your female, bc you act just like a female. shit
>>
>>685236577
until ur pens goes up into you and creates another black hole besides ur butthole?
>>
The ability to make black people white.

The ability to bring back snacks.

And

The ability to make anybody a celebrity (actor, singer, corporate, etc. Type of celeb is up to individual).
>>
>>685239514
>>
Be able to save before something important, restart my life, and load different saves.
>>
>>685240995
>save something important
in a language you cant read
>re start life & load saves
every time you do you have to way 17 years before doing so again.
>>
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The power to be able to limit other people's powers at free will.
>>
>>685240995
Your alternate lives are saved on a PlayStation memory card in the year 2112, and you have to access the memory card with an authentic PS1.
>>
>>685240995
you have a limited amount of memory and can't overwrite your saves
>>
>>685241188
Worth the wait.
>>
The power of persuasion. Able to convince any one of anything.

This can not possibly be a useless power or have any set backs.
>>
>>685240605
That's not how limits work you twat
>>
>>685241423
Immediately after convincing them to agree with you you involuntarily change your mind about it and think its wrong
>>
>>685241423
Anybody eavesdropping will convince the person you're currently speaking to to turn on you the moment your back is turned, or will kill the person if their resolve is too strong to change their minds.
>>
After every year, I lose one of my five senses and gain the one I had previously lost back. Every time I lose a sense all of my other senses become heightened beyond what they were.
>>
>>685241423
You have schizophrenia.
>>
>>685241423
it can only be to fullfill scat fetish play.
>>
>>685241707
That doesn't negate it. That just guarantees that you'll have a town full of schizophrenic assholes within a year.
>>
Time travel
>>
>>685241675
But only if you got fucked by a horse in that year
>>
>>685241221
You can only do it in these threads.
>>
>>685241981
You can only travel to the south in 1850 as a black or a jew in nazi germany
>>
>>685235192
Come on be at least a little realistic
>>
>>685241981
one millisecond to the past or future only
>>
>>685241981
The moment in time you travel to is completely irrelevant to anything, and you must leave that time before something important happens.
>>
>>685241981
You can only travel to the south in 1850 as a black guy or a jew in nazi germany
>>
>>685241981
if you travel to the past you have to wait to go back to the origin.
if you travel to the future you will have to be brutally murdered in order to go back.
>>
Power to bed any woman i choose in a snap of my fingers
>>
>>685242218
The ability to fight the power.

The ability to Melt steel beams.

And

The ability to always get what you want.
>>
>>685242394
they wake up as a man.
>>
>>685242394
Then those fingers fall off
>>
>>685232422
but clothes and jewelry can't

the ability to orgasm on command
>>
>>685231311
The power to make girls orgasm with one look
>>
>>685242483
That just makes it high risk. If he marries her, the fingers can be written off as an alligator bite.
>>
>>685242394
But you can never cum
Never
>>
>>685242623
but every orgasm they have makes your dick shrink an inch and your nipples grow an inch
>>
>>685242598
But only in crowded places.
>>
>>685242623
only applies to landwhales.
>>
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>>685242777
>>
>>685242598
but that command is like 10000 lines of java that you cant cut and paste

The ability to move stuff from a distance, like the force from star wars
>>
ability to get dubs on command,
but I already have that
>>
>>685242460
> fight the power
Didn't say you'd win, so you always lose the fight.
> melt steel beams
Only using tools that can reach over 1000 degrees fahrenheit.
> get what you want
You always want what isn't good for you and you hate your life more and more until you finally commit sudoku.
>>
>>685242894
>Kek

But you get the intense urge to piss when you use this power.
>>
>>685242460
>2. But not with Jet Fuel.
>>
>>685242623
The orgasm is delayed until you are 100 feet away.
>>
>>685242460
but if you try sometimes you'll get what you need
>>
The power to fly by farting.

The power to change your face at will.

And

The ability to control marine creatures.
>>
Power over Cold
>But I myself will never be "cool".
Thread posts: 236
Thread images: 14



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