My parents love me very much and to have me as proof of that through their union is enough, regardless of the pain I go through. They have my undying respect and loyalty, no matter what. Until they're gone, I've a reason to live. Otherwise, if I can't find happiness once they pass away, it's curtains for me.
When I was younger, I used to live for making others happy, with the epitome of that being when I find that special someone, share my love with her just as my father did with my mother, and for us to share that love and have a child of our own. That was when I was young and realized almost all women are nothing but bloodsucking monsters, and I respect my mother all the more for not being that.
Honestly, dying seems like a win-win situation. You either go to a fluffy-puff marshmallow Heaven, you get reincarnated and forget everything or you just stop existing. Obviously there's ideas of in between, but it mostly seems irrelevant either way.
>>683066168 making music I'm building a little studio that I'll hopefully finish before I completely lose my will to live. Also, weed and the pathetic hope that my former best friend will come back into my life.
>>683068418 don't get me wrong, i have a hard time with life too.. lots. i'm not trying to compare myself here, i mean after all look where i'm posting. maybe it's half decent genes and being in a decent area with some opportunity. i have family that loves me and a couple of good friends. that's the good stuff. i haven't worked in a year and the only reason i'm still awake is because my hunger pains are keeping me awake. i'm not gonna try to tell anyone else how to feel or how to live, but for what it's worth, i really do love you all. and what is important is that you just keep doing things that make you happy, no matter what it is. drugs, booze, who gives a shit. depends on your situaton i guess. do not fucking give up because life can truly change in an instant, for good or bad, and if you really have gone through some serious shit before it should only make you realize how resilient you are. you can get through it, and you will
There's still so much stuff to do and see. I have baby nephews that I want to show cool things to and see them grow up to have families of their own. I want to see the new Star Wars, Thor, and Dr. Strange movies. I want to try restaurants and foods I haven't tried yet. Listen to music I haven't heard yet. Read books I haven't read yet. Etc...
It must be nice to be able to hear the music in your mind and be able to convey it onto paper. It shows you've still the capacity to bring your hopes into fruition. I'm a musician myself, but my love for music died when I realized that I never enjoyed it for myself - in an orchestra, I am dispensable and to myself, the music I play only reflected how miserable I felt. The notes resonating through my ears would only amplify the loneliness I live with and, while it felt like it was what gave me soul, I had to learn to do without it. Much like everything else, that is.
>>683066685 This. 2 months ago one of my 2 best friend an hero. Then a couple weeks ago the other one got such a bad confusion he essentially is a stroke victim. Can't talk right, think, remember shit, pukes all the time. 4-5 days a week my life revolved around drinking with themy and finding some shit to get into. My tarred bro can't drink. Everyday struggle not to drink myself to death. I wish a motherfucker would. I don't want to an hero cause of my family. But holy fuck why can't I just plow into a herd of cows at 79 on accident... fml
if i had to give an answer: >my two cats (mom and baby), i rescued them and i would never abandon them (pic unrelated)
>witnessing the end of A Song Of Ice And Fire
that's it. I had a good life and achieved more than i ever thought i could
now I am *broke *with chronic pain *jobless because of pending Visa and shitty immigration policies of the USA (i will have to leave the country soon) *without a significant other to care about *without drive to do anything at all
> > >inb4 you are depressed duh, but the drugs don't work and it has been half decade; that's enough suffering, already.
>>683069591 Lol, Kansas or the loader. It is good equipment. Am grateful. But fuck a loader. No suspension. Hey anon, today and everyday for allways you are violentlying get thrashed around in a fucking lumber wagon. A'I got den.
>>683069115 I still struggle to convey the music I hear in my head. I had a similar realisation to you, only I was playing guitar in other people's bands. I realised I wasn't playing anything for me, like I might as well have been a MIDI device, so I decided to build a studio instead.
I'm still probably another 6 - 12 months away from having the set up I want, but I'm hoping once I have it all wired up I'll be able to focus on conveying what I hear in my head.
Think of all of the Anons who've posted in threads like this who aren't around anymore. Think of the countless, faceless friends you didn't realize you had throughout the world, all of which posted on a single website, now gone. Without you knowing it, perhaps that one individual you scared a decent conversation with here is no longer with us. Years from now, I might just be another one of those numbers and you'll never even know.
I post without expecting to ever get a reply, but it's reassuring to pretend that someone might read what I said and care about what I thought. If they never tell me, I'll never know, and you know what? That's fine with me. Even though I don't know you, you're my best friend, and as long as I can imagine something I've posted made you smile, I'll smile. We're nothing but numbers in the grand scheme of things, and I might be nothing, but you're number one.
>>683069936 Lol, I saw that after. Concussion. Confused yeah. He claims his brain works fine but muscles and speech just fuck all slow. It like he is crippling fucking drunk all the time. We went to the bar. He had 2 sips of a non alcoholic beer. Puked on the way home. I honestly thought he got his Bell rung and wanted a break from kids and work. Figured it was a little of a ruse. I didn't even know this shit could happen tto people.
I live because if I'd kill myself I'd break my parents hearts. They work their asses off everyday just so that I can eat, have insurance, electricity etc. But what do I live for? I don't know. I wish some other sperm cell was faster.
>>683070171 Fuck, nigga I got a piano too even.would love help moving it. I got a fucking metal plate and 8 screwe in my heel and ankle. My old lady wants it for a desk... I told her she's fucking crawling under this shit house and reinforcing the goddamn floor. ...fucking pianos. I am dumb as fuck... I work athrough a place that has boulders so big my loader can't lift. I'll roll it uphill and we make for Wiley Coyote stunt.
If it's anything to you, what if another sperm cell was faster, and you're that life the you never wanted to live? That, or it could be worse - you could have been born into a body that's even worse with the consciousness you have now.
>>683070180 My nigga. Used to live there. Moved furniture for a place all over that bitch. Harney lonely housewives aflowing. Too much respect for our heros. I'm a neckbeard and fat but can lift kind archers sword WITH the fucking rock. Bitches be not letting us leave and giving us beer and shit. 2nd fave job. Bust ass 30 minutes. Fuck off all over town for an hour (lost.) I live an hour and a half away now.
There has always been violence and selfishness and sadness for as long as we can remember, why not try to change that in the time we have been given I'm not saying be a pacifist but be the friend to a stranger that you seek in others
>>683070731 I'm actually still studying. I'm studying Management. I'm getting some great grades. I fucking hate it tough. I fucking hate it so much. It's all just shit, just bla bla bla. Just models, theoretic bullshit. I'm too old to study something different. So I'm going to finish this education. If I'm going to persuade a career in management I'm probably going to die within 10 years from a heart attack because I hate it so much and I hate sitting behind a desk all day. But I need to get out of this house and support myself a.s.a.p. Fucking hell, I don't know what I'm doing
>>683071383 To be fair nobody knows what they're doing they fake it until someone gives a nod of approval then they fall apart behind closed doors, it's just the human condition. Try and try again until we get comfortable and then our frightening routine becomes our beloved captor
>>683066168 My kid not growing up feeling the need to gain approval from all the selfish people in the world due to me killing myself while she's young. I don't want her to feel like she just wasn't good enough for me, even though I feel so alone and I just don't want to be conscious anymore. I'm alive because it's not my kid's fault, and i don't want her to experience true loneliness like I do.
>>683071469 Jeesus yes. Lol, sounds like a good time. Can email [email protected] if u want. I'll hit u up next time I swing through town. Well find a neutral meeting ground with beer so we don't get stabbed. Will bring my buddy along. His face when I tell him (I met a cool guy on the Internet)
You'll find one. For me, it took 35 years, but it's worth it. We have a kid and thinking of getting another one. Didn't find my wife from my native country though. Just got lucky enough I guess. All other women I met, were fucking annoying.
I did have few girlfriends before, but they just want to bitch bitch bitch.
I'm in the history books. When you're in school and read up on "Hurricane Katrina", I'm "one of the thousands" described. In Mississippi, that is. Feels reassuring knowing people'll only vaguely be familiar with the suffering you went through.
>>683072112 Your hope is false. The only way to get your name in a book is to kill people. Kill some bad people. Kill some bankers, or rapists or something. As much as possible. That's the only way. Follow your dreams kid.
That feeling when you bust your nut Unfortunately now I have to bust 3 nuts a day just to stay motivated and get through my day. Fuck these entitled pieces of shit, goddamn. The things people think they can get away with when they go to a fast food place. "I'm homeless, can I get extra fries?" "Our dog died, and we wondering if we could put up our posters outside your restaurant?" "I'm lost, can I get a free meal and directions to (x location 10 minutes from where we are)?" "Can I get an extra sauce?"
I wish I knew what I lived for. I think, at the end of the day, I live for the idea that one day I'll have something to live for, and that's enough for me right now.
I'm 25 divorced, my kids were taken from me, my rights revoked because fuck Florida, I missed two court dates I was never informed of, don't have the money to fight the system. I had a long distance girlfriend for a year, she hates me... she's on the phone with me right now... but she hates me... I just want nothing more than to fix things with her and get back together like we were, but that is broken and it will never be repaired.
I have nothing, I am nothing, but I hope someday I'll be something.
>>683072957 Roflmao. You the funny guy in the crowd. I bet there isn't one picture of you without a goofy hat or a shit eating grin on your face. U make the world go round bro. Tustin or your a narsacisstic cuck. Could go either way really ;)
Imagine how powerful we could be if we could unison like the Anti Spiral. We could sacrifice our lives for the greater purpose of giving others purpose in the sense of being the overlying evil to rid the galaxy of. It'd be a win-win situation.
It was a great life... for the most part... but I think that's just hindsight, time has a funny way of blurring out the bad and leaving you with nothing but the good, which in turn makes you feel like shit because you don't know where things went wrong.
if it makes you feel better, because of my situation I am a NEET back home in my parents house because I literally would die or end up homeless if I were on my own. I don't make enough money for rent and I tried 4 roommates before I gave up and admitted defeat
>>683073550 Roommates are the fucking worst people on the planet. Your best friend becomes a roomate. Cancer enters your life. Think roommates suck though? Try being landlord to a raging alcoholic that can't stop beating the fuck out of his bongos like they are black and stole his car. Hope my shit stays unarsened...
>>683073942 It will never happen sadly:( scientists say because of the speed everything's flying apart at in 100 years it would be even more impossible to travel between galaxys because the distance it's going to triple
>>683074497 We exist in the 4th dimension and we haven't reached a type 1 civilization yet. Anything beyond a type 1 civilization would look God-like to us. Who's to say that we can't make groundbreaking discoveries to bend space and time to reach from point A to B in the moment of bending space and time? Or even travel to another universe in another dimension?
>>683076162 There is no full understanding of where we're headed, but there is some degree of influence you have and can be to reach that point. The only thing we can see is what we choose to believe. For you, it's apocalyptic, for me, there's hope and progress.
when you think about it, it's weird to be anything at all, let alone something which can have an experience and have something happen to it by flow of life or make preparation for an experience and then living it through
>>683076913 Being on a constant medication, there's no switching, so the idea of being addicted to my own medication could exist while being completely unaware of it. Perhaps you might be more fortunate than I am to use drugs recreationally rather than to function normally. Just be happy you're not me.
>>683076727 >For you, it's apocalyptic All I did was post an image that is similar to yours. You assume a lot about me and my beliefs just because I posted a certain photo.
Anyway, in my opinion, the point this drawing is trying to make is that the more educated you get, the more you can see and recognize serious problems in the world and potentially be pessimistic. Whereas the guy who isn't standing on any books is ignorant and thinks the world is rosy. A retard is not going to be aware of ISIS, coming bank meltdowns, resurgence of fascism, they will just lumber down the street clapping their hands while chasing butterflies.
>>683077022 I've been on medication for years so it's balanced out for me into developing a functioning personality and without experiencing an anxiety attack or a depressive episode. Most people think of me as a normal person, but there have been instances where I experience sudden euphoria episodes and the mood stabilizers aren't holding it back. At least it's in a good feeling, but honestly, I'd trade it all in for feeling completely apathetic and robotic. I don't want to feel these feels, but at least I can function. That much I'm grateful for.
>>683077484 I can only assume based on what I see, and perhaps it was more than warranted. But seeing the glass as half empty doesn't necessarily mean it rules out that it can be seen as half-full, that's a matter of perspective. To assume the person who sees it as half-full isn't necessarily unaware of the other elements that surround their reality, but you chosen to use a retard as an analogy for that, which has its point, but isn't exactly the superior understanding. So long as one sees terrorism, bank meltdowns, and an awareness of a plutocracy doesn't rule out that there should not be hope that things can change. So long as one has hope, we can influence ourselves to be a product of that hope.
When I was younger I wanted to move to California and drive those cranes you see in ports that pick up the containers, thought it would be so frickin cool to be "that guy" calmly listening to his radio that everyone sees going back and forth keeping the containers moving and the ships on schedule, I would have settled just fine for driving the forklifts in a dockyard too, that was beyond neat when I first saw them.
Instead I've turned into a washed up, cucked to death, friendless, eternally friendzoned, slightly balding, hourly thoughts of suicide tier depressed 25 year old virgin who still lives with his mother and pays not only her bills but my sisters bills, I haven't spent money on myself in years, haven't had a two day weekend since October and I forgot there are people who only work eight hour days when I work twelve.
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