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I need the help of you /b/tards. One of my roommates, a fat

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Thread replies: 29
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I need the help of you /b/tards.

One of my roommates, a fat hypocrite muslim bitch, has a pet parakeet. Now, I do not have any problems with birds, nor pets in general, but I fucking cringe how some people interact and communicate with their pets. This fat muslim is one of those people.

She literally talks to the fucking birds all day long. And I mean real talk, like proper fucking conversations. As if the bird fucking understands a single word of what she is saying. In between fucking sentences she makes all these retard fucking sounds. Every day when I am home I hear her fucking talking and making noises to that fucking bird. The fucking autism, I cannot handle it. She even has dinner with the fucking bird. Yes, she fucking cooks dinner in the kitchen, makes a tiny plate with fucking vegetables and fruit and dines with the fucking bird in her room.

So, for a long time I have wondered how to end this bullshit. I realize it's quite simple: kill the fucking bird. Obviously, I cannot just fucking kill it with my bare hands, because she would know someone in our house did it. Now, she does always leave her door open whenever she goes to college. What would work? Rat poison? Would the fucking bird eat it? What other methods are avaible to the fucking bird die?

>INB4 white knight retards crying about the fucking bird
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>>675782812
You really fucking hate it don't you?
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>>675783074
Can you imagine a fucking muslim hobbit talking to a bird every fucking day, for several months straight? It never fucking stops. She literally talks to the bird all day long. There is not a 5 minute break when she is at home. I can hear through the fucking walls.
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>>675782812
The poor fucking bird probably hates her too.let the poor fucker free. Open a window and let it escape.
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>>675782812
Don't kill birds. They're bros and intelligent. It's her fault for being a fucking cunt.

Just talk to her about it or move out. Don't be a little bitch.
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>>675783281
I guess this is a possible solution. However, would the bird actually get lost? Wouldn't it return? I imagine these little creatures are far from intelligent, but I have no fucking clue.
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>>675783429
>2016
>Expecting that a muslim is reasonable and will listen to arguments
>ISHYGDDT
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>>675782812
She's grooming the bird for a suicide mission.
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>>675783516
Your average parakeet is smarter than most dogs. I doubt it has homing abilities, especially considering it's never seen the outside of its house.

But you could just talk to the room mate about it and claim harrassment or some shit.
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>>675783630
Smarter than dogs? Whenever she is not at home the bird just sits in front of the mirror, attacking its own image. It's a male and I reckon it's sexually frustrated or something.
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>>675783516
It is a bird that has been trapped in a cage all of its life.
Open a window and off it will fuck.
Shit, in the UK we have flocks of lovebirds and shit that have escaped, bred and are doing fine.
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Kill the fucking thing.
Poison its water.
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>>675784292
With what? What kind of substance would kill the tihng? And what substance would it consume if you add it to the water? I reckon it would not touch the water if I, let's say, add bleach to it.
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>>675783624

Underrated post.
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>>675784292

Poison the Muslim, not the bird you fucking asshole.
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>>675783757
Yes.

>remembers faces
>has reasoning skills powerful enough to let them learn how to operate mechanisms, like opening their cage
>can have a vocabulary of 100s of words
>learn tricks quickly

they're even badass enough to completely outfly falcons and hawks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUpGRQK7o78

they can't recognize their own reflection, though, like magpies can. And they're incredibly socially reliant, so they attempt to treat the mirror as a companion and talk to it.

I'm whiteknighting it up, I know. You seem to be under the impression she won't just buy another bird, or take that one to the vet if it gets sick. They're like $15 at pet stores. The best way to deal with this is to either confront her about it and get into an argument, or get another roommate.
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OP, I own a parrot, feed it avocado, it will most likely kill it and most domesticated birds will eat it like nothing is wrong.

Also most birds have very sensitive respiratory systems, smoke inhalation, aerosol sprays, of even burning a Teflon pan will all damage the bird if not kill it. Seriously just feed it a bunch of avacado then hide the avacado evidence.
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i have a pet cock named bb , after the great and late bb king
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>>675785035
This
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>>675785305
fucking follow this shit up.
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while Muslim midget is at college slip some cough medicine into it's water and sooner or later it will die, not weak cough medicine, I'm talking the mustard gas of cough medicine.
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>>675784876
Everyone has talked to her about it. People called her nuts, but she doesn't care, because she is. Everyone in the house mentions that is annoying and weird. She doesn't care, because she is.

She is fat, hairy, religious and talks to a bird 24/7. I mean, what sense could I possibly make? She is not suspectible to reason.
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I actually love avocado. I eat like avocado every week. I'll feed the thing avocado. Thanks /b/ros.
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>>675785720
If you aren't the only one in the house you can all complain to the landlord and have her evicted.
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Bird in pooper. Now.
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>like
Like omg really
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You should start having conversations with the bird, loudly in front of her. Imply the bird is a hardcore Trump supporter.
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>>675782812
>What would work?

I currently own a parrot, and I used to own another one a few years ago but it died suddenly, I wasn't sure how it died but I found out later that it was because I was smoking weed in the same room

Apparently the smoke from weed can kill parrots so maybe it'll work on parakeets / budgies / etc.

If you don't smoke weed just blow cigarette smoke in it's face I'm sure it'll have the same effect.
Thread posts: 29
Thread images: 6



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