I'm in the last few days of a 17 year marriage. I'm getting to keep the house (after paying her about half the equity), but she got the car and most of the furniture. And I still have to pay her $1000 per month for the next 10 years. And we were sure we would NEVER get divorced. NOT WORTH IT!!!
>>675740118 op if she has ever cheated on you or you still think about fucking other girls or dont get along with her friends or family marriage will not help things at all my ex and i were tight everyone was shocked when we broke up her mum talked her in to it pretty muck if anything is off now walk away their are loads of girls out their looking for a great guy
>>675742286 Oh man i have that fear. Ive been with my girl for 4 years and i love her/ plan on marrying her eventually, but shes just not the brightest thing and its slowly started to make me regret it.
Married 7yr after dating her for 8. Only get married if you wanna go thru every day wishing somebody would put an ax in the middle of your forehead. She seems like the perfect girl. Then she argues about the dumbest shit. So dumb that you wanna rip the skin off of your face. Then when that's over she will nag you about EVERYTHING until you hate the decision you made to marry her. You hate it so much you wish you didn't exist. But I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure you will be happy together.
>>675743308 >>675743911 still thinking of cheating or like its ok to watch porn im talking more go out looking for them or dating sites
also biggest thing how my ex fucked me over was a joint bank account do not get one at all she changes all of the money to a account she had set up in just her name i couldnt do a thing about it the bank said i told her i would take her to court for half of the money next day cops on my door shes clamming i use to beat her and shit get non contact order total bull shit new zealand laws are crap didnt even try to fight it female always wins in court its set up for them
>>675742834 I always wanted a female with no aggressive traits or serious mental illnesses in her family so that my children wouldn't be at a disadvantage. I don't have any regrets I did a lot of drugs, fucked anyone I thought was attractive enough, and just kept meeting women and seeing how talking to them was. Crazy to hot scale does apply
>>675746075 >I always wanted a female with no aggressive traits or serious mental illnesses in her family so that my children wouldn't be at a disadvantage. This is a serious concern of mine. Her family is mentally mediocre (and poor, but that ain't important as mind skills/ambition).
>>675746144 Do you feel happy about marriage mate? >money aside
I was a little over jealous over old "girlfriends" of his at times, at times got mad over trivial shit, and all the while was a femanon that was conditioned to know his opinion was more important than mine. Honestly that's what keeps the magic alive. I trust him more than I trust myself.
Also, no kids. We went in knowing that and will go out knowing that.
>>675748596 Let her know that. Even thought that in itself is telling her what's what...
IMO it's a good thing as women are more than not likely to make a BIG mistake and ruin everything. Guys will cheat, sure, but that's it. Women will go batshit insane. You're lucky that she relies on you to not make the wrong decisions.
>>675749701 Totally agree. The problem is she's so passive... I don't wan't her teaching that to my kids. Plus her dad is afraid of me cause I make more money than him. Idk if her love is lightly related to finances. >fuck
Old fag here. I have been married, divorced and remarried again. I would make damn sure that you have the right girl first. First marriage was a disaster cos the only reason I liked her was she was hot and liked anal. In reality we argued all the time about shit. Marriage no2 is better cos we friends.
>>675750986 >Marriage no2 is better cos we friends. My gf is one of my best friends. The thing is she is not the brightest tool in the shed. I think that is a really important perk in raising children.
>>675743851 Following up... if there's ANYTHING that kind of triggers you a little bit... just a tiny little bit now, while you're in the delirious throes of wonderful lust, it'll grow and become a huge issue over time. Also, men are wired for promiscuity. People can totally lose all sexual interest over time, or women after childbirth. If one of you wants it and the other doesn't, it's hell. Or if you don't like where you live (as in climate or geographic change - not like across town) and want to move but your partner doesn't. Shit happens. It's hard, really hard to find a teammate who thinks the same way you do, forever. Marriage is for a long time. But one thing to remember... there is always divorce. Never contemplate murder. You'll fantasize, just don't consider the possibilities. Let the fantasy go by.
>>675750308 Don't be worried about her love being related to finances. That's as bad as her worrying that you're cheating on her. Don't go crazy here it will tear you apart. You have a healthy relationship, besides, right? You're thinking about MARRIAGE of course you do. Count your blessings, anon. Too passive is a hell of a lot better than too aggressive of a woman.
Don't worry about what she'll pass on to your kids. I've been a preschool teacher in the past for a number of years and the kids gained more in social skills from school than they did from parents. You're fine.
>>675747352 If it's the person I'm going to choose to be with then I'm going to be sure they have the traits and characteristics that are important to me. I love my wife more than I thought I could and life with her is so easy and we don't even have to try
>>675751679 >Too passive is a hell of a lot better than too aggressive of a woman. Amen. >kids gained more in social skills from school than they did from parents Happened to me. Had a different childhood and my own pov. Thanks for the input.
>>675751968 One last thing before I turn in... never *settle*. Make sure you're madly crazy in love and laugh if you want to get married. If you're thinking, "Well, I can live with that," you won't be able to.
Guys say to NEVER get married. And girls are like "I want to get married!!"...now ask yourself people. How many ladies do you see happy because of their marriage? None. So don't do it. It's a trap. They most likely marry guys to "fit in" and mouch off of them for money while they spend it all pretty much, then take most of their shit at divorce. It's all about money to them.
>>675752281 >I love my wife more than I thought I could and life with her is so easy and we don't even have to try I think I can achieve the same relationship as you you bro, mine's easy as cake, she's great, but I have a big fucking splinter in the back of my mind, claiming I could have the same person with a little more IQ
>>675753799 Divorce of course. But one thing... the longer you wait to do it, the harder it is to do. Your lives become more and more entangled. It's been 30 years for me, slowly getting worse. The thing is, she's not evil. If she was, it would be easier in a way. But she's an anchor, and has become more f a drag. I've always been faithful, but man, we haven't had sex in a decade. ! Yeah. Chew on that.
>>675754299 Well If you look you will find. But all love is is a chemical reaction in the brain that has a high HIGH then hits a low LOW after a while. My point is people can become addicted to the feeling more than the person. And that ruins things. Gotta stay aware of the facts man. Rise above, break the marriage trend.
>>675755353 No I'm not MGTWO or what the hell that crap is. If you're looking for a soulmate, then you can. I said "Well if you look then you will find" right?. But always consider the facts. It helps in the long run.
>>675756980 Yeah I like to observe and listen. And over they years I came to that general conclusion. Girls who don't know what they want are usually the assholes. So I like to stay alert and share my knowledge when I can. Id be a dick not to.
>>675761181 Well its all about give and take and if you see you are are giving more than you are taking you need to adjust, else you wil start resenting. Also you need to take time for yourself too, alone time is good.
But in the end you feel much happier an more fulfilled
I will be married in a few months, my piece of advise is.....If she makes you become a better person, you both have dreams and plans together, she takes care of you and sticks around in your lowest moments....marry her!
I could say that you are too young to marry and wait a few years, but she may not want to wait. If she makes you happy then go ahead and work on the relationship.
Yeah things will get shitty sometimes, you will fight for stupid things, she will be bossy and she may be annoying at times. But if you love her and she loves back, then the aim becomes to make each other happy and build a life together.
>>675762545 That was really deep man. She's been supporting me in the shittiest moments of my life. I'm really a fucking mess. Somehow she seems to get past it. Although she's not brilliant as I wanted, she has a great character.
>>675762339 Is your life more because of her? By submissive do you mean that she doesn't correct you? Have you gone through trials in your life with her/does she give you motivation you don't find elsewhere? Have you discovered new passions because of hers? Her because of you? Do you enjoy the things about her that you know will never change? Do you both want kids? Does she challenge you? (Besides "training") Does that make you happy or sad?
If you can answer these questions without racking your brain you may not need more advice from me.
Yes: +not forever alone +sex (often but not always better than just busting one off) +second income +"back me on this."
No: -not enough alone time -women are womeny -women spend money on dumb shit ("but if I don't get Starbucks/booze/shoes/debt, what am I going to do with my friends?") -prepare to get in trouble for having an opinion/sense of humor/penis/education
>>675763154 >Is your life more because of her? She mended my heart when it was broken. By submissive do you mean that she doesn't correct you? I can convince her the sky is red. Have you gone through trials in your life with her/does she give you motivation you don't find elsewhere? She was really supportive in the lowest point ever. Almost no one knows such shit. Have you discovered new passions because of hers? Didn't discover more passions because of her, but she pushes me to explore my art (music). Her because of you? She does designs in the computer and I push her to start painting. Do you enjoy the things about her that you know will never change? Yes, and I want her to be more curious. Do you both want kids? Yes. Does she challenge you? (Besides "training") No. Does that make you happy or sad? Overall Happy.
This thread is still alive? This is femanon with a happy marriage again. What more do you need to hear to go one way or another? Which way do YOU want to go stop asking for advice and start listening to your motherfucking heart, man
>>675763303 I expose my /b/tard jokes, she lurks here occasionally. No need to censor myself. Truth is I have more money than her family, we have different lives, since she hasn't travelled at all. It's kind of cultural. Plus I own my own business and her family has a mediocre wagecuck mentality.
>>675763908 >Dude who cares about smarts if she is good hearted, you're not marrying a retard right? >Maybe she is just much more emotionally intelligent than you are and that is why she keeps pulling you out of your mess. The way I see it is that she has what you don't and viceversa. >Asking for other's opinion on marriage is super subjective. Each one of us will have a different opinion according to the person they marry or were married to.
I'm kind of drunk and both your comments made me shed a tear.
IS THE POSSIBILITY OF A GOOD LIFE WORTH THE ULTIMATE REALITY OF HOW TERRIBLE THIS BITCH CAN BE?
You need to see from the point of view of what she sees when she marries you, and if that is at all who you are.
Do you really know her? Do you pay attention to who she is as a person as she reacts to daily mundane acts of life and are you gauging that morality to the same persona you are swearing fealty?
You are obligating your present and future self to the whelms of a figure,regardless of who she is, that society forgives all blemishes on basis of gender, in a situation that you are fully held responsible.
Because marriage is an outdated ideal if you are a contemporary, and is more akin to a business plan,
you have to be conscious of the contract and the person you make it with.
Live together first. If you can buy/rent together and put up with each others shit for a few years THEN get married. If you have to hide shit from her or she does from you it won't work out in the long term.
>>675764807 Great wording, fluid and direct. I experiment with her, give hear the leading roll in little unimportant shit to watch her response. She's terrified about pressure. If she's being watched she'll choose just to get the pressure off, Not because she reached a conclusion. I'm scared she would techa that to my kids. Maybe her mind'll grow at some point.
>>675741809 A woman saying everything is wonderful. What a surprise.
Do NOT get married OP. Why? Because there will come a time when she decides that you've had enough sex, or she really isn't into it anymore. She has better things to think about now that her life is better than when she was single. Then you'll start to resent her and that will seep in for a few years of low quality, low quantity sex. One day, just before you drown her while she has her face down in the sink brushing her teeth - it'll occur to you why prostitutes exist. They exist for married men - not for socially inept 18 year olds. Prostitution is as old as marriage. They are both as old as bargaining itself, and bargaining by it's very nature leaves one person with the better half of a deal. Get married if you're OK banging whores after 15 years of failed marriage. You could always get divorced but then why get married?
>>675770038 Still married. 17 years. No kids, we both have great well paying jobs, therefore lots of money, lots of toys, vacation time and lots of extra money.. Sex with the wife sucks though, we've tried everything but we basically gave up. I'm still too tuned up - ten years later - over the fact that she'd burn me like that when she acquired or realized that she had a bit of power. She's to dense to admit she'd ever done anything wrong. Admitting it would mean that she was part of the problem - a position that a married woman does not NEED to take, so long as she's still married. That's how marriage works. It's a power trip, but you don't realize it's all just a game to them until it's too late. It's just easier to find some regular chick to bang now. I wouldn't doubt if she does the same, I don't really care.
Jobs are irrelevant, but I suppose it's different if you have kids. Then the balance of power restores itself.
>>675770546 Thanks for coming back, anon. She's an only child. Her dad (60) is a corporate pawn that spends most of his town out of the city. He's really unhappy with his wife and my gf. He's actually afraid of me cause I have more money.
Her mom is lonely so she's a fucking Jesus freak, the kind that takes bible classes and has bible DVD's.
Don't mean to be an asshole, but I pity them, not my gf. She's above these mediocre minded people.
I've been married and (very amicably) divorced. Turns out that if you're physically separated from each other for years at a time, you grow apart - and then there were all the unresolved issues about why we got married in the first place.
Marriage can be great - but make sure you know what you want out of it, make sure your partner knows what they want, and be damn sure those two mostly overlap.
>>675758203 >ozfag family lawyer Prenups or BFAs work well. The crux of the issue is always that divorce experience depends on whether you instigated it or not. They almost always suck; the best description I ever heard was from a judge: >marriage is like a car ride; sometimes you are the driver, sometimes the passenger. Ultimately how you get to your destination is irrelevant but you have to share the journey. Kids are worth it though.
>>675771465 >Have you known of any marriage that wasn't a fucking power trip? That's exactly my point. The leverage of being the only legal pussy you can fuck carries weight. >My gf's pretty submissive. Do you think she'll develop claws after marriage? That's what I would warn you of. My wife wasn't like this when we were dating, she was very cooperative. Then came the time when marriage wasn't equal to the fantasy that she had imagined, and leverage is used, and you can be sure what that particular leverage was.
My advice: Don't marry anyone who doesn't admit to being "wrong" - and do NOT make the mistake of measuring that against her behavior with YOU. Take that measurement from others that she interacts with, particularly those that she has some minor power struggles with. Do those relationships always end up in danger or one-sided? Because, it's marriage, one day that power struggle will happen and things won't be much different for you.
>>675771221 You have a full plate OP. I do not envy you.
Things that are going to help/ become necessary: -distancing yourselves emotionally AND physically from her family -preparing her for the day they begin to utterly fall apart -NEVER BORROWING ANYTHING IN EITHER DIRECTION
If you love this girl, it is going to be up to you to prevent the scars of that family pruning up. If you aren't up for that work you'd better just agree to be friends now.
>>675772786 It's the power struggle of all relationships. The longer the relationship, the stronger the feeling that you will continue to be together. If there's any resentment that's when the unhealthy leverage kicks in.
How many men have you heard of that were perfectly unmarried to the same woman for 10 years - then he gets married because she swears that nothing will change. The woman immediately changes and they divorced a year later. This is because the woman suddenly realized that she had some leverage - and used it like a chainsaw with absolutely no fucking idea how it's supposed to work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74-WSM0xTyE
>>675771908 Good advice, thing is I've no idea of what to expect. We're cool as a couple and have no fights, but marriage seems like giving steroids to the relationship and hoping it stay nice and smooth.
>>675773613 Thank you. My forever a child is sleeping upstairs. We decided not to have kids, but I won't tell you your business. On the upside dogs are practically kids and you can hit them in public when they misbehave. Their toys are cheaper and potty training is a snap. Food for thought.
>>675775508 Idk, she's pretty chill and submissive. Don't know if she'll develop claws after marriage. I hate her family's mentality, I want to help her grow away from them. But is "saving" someone a relationship?
I checked periodically as, let's face it most of the early childcare sits with the woman and I'm not particularly parental, but she was not interested either.
it was something we discussed very early in our relationship.
In my opinion nothing will kill a marriage and relationship faster than one wanting kids and the other not - no-one would be happy, no matter what the final joint decision is. Better to separate and find partners that want the same, no matter how good the rest of the relationship - kids are too fundamental.
Also, you need to be able to resist peer pressure and parents wanting grand children. Fuck 'em, it was our life.
I'm engaged to a foreign girl and if I want to be with her the only option is to get married. I think it's fucking retarded that you have to get married to be with someone due to visa laws, it pushes so many people to make big mistakes.
But we get on really well and things are great, so lets hope it doesn't turn to shit. Though at least I'm in a country that has equally shared child custody by default and so on.
>>675741809 fuck off. im a femanon w an agreement to my man that we will never get married because we have too much to lose. the auto shop? thats his. the bar? thats mine. the dog? thats his. the cat? thats mine. the house? that's his. the condo? thats mine. the jag is his, mazda is mine, ad infinitum.
its been 7 years. we are happy as can be. but when my alcoholism is no longer cute and his rage is no longer tolerable, we will both need an out that doesnt require a lawyer. seperate bank accounts, separate everything except for the bed and the fridge, would not have it any other way. i don't see that shit happening, and we have worked hard to stay together, but why make it worse if it dies out?
The reckon each kid is as expensive as buying and running a Ferrari. We have a nice house in a rural setting, two cars, no debts and just over £1.3m in joint savings, pensions, etc., so we should have a good retirement together.
"But who will look after you when you get old?" I hear. I reply - what guarantee is there that: 1. Your kids will actually like you (I can't stand my mother - vindictive bitch) 2. They won't fuck off to pursue a career the other side of the world so that's not a reason; it's an illusory security blanket for the parents
>>675750308 Then be the father you want to be! Teach your kids the lines you want them to cross/ never cross. >>675751679 Kids learning social skills from school is ok, in moderation. I lived the single mother childhood so my skills came mostly from school. You really don't want your kids only guidance to be from their "friends" at school & a faculty that really only cares about the money they bring in not the child themselves. Be a good father for their sake. Don't be lazy.
>>675777007 which is why we have two homes, separate bills, separate businesses. although most time is spent at his house, i do spend a lot of time at the condo when i have to close late, when he's out of the country, etc.
also, no goddamn kids. its for the good of the gene pool.
>>675776689 See >>675776873 Don't let your wife raise a kid alone except for the physical needs "food, cleaning, yada yada" unless she comes from a two parent household herself (with a good father) she'll fuck it up.
>>675777369 while we have gotten our shit together quite nicely in the past few years, this wasnt always so.
we are both incredibly intelligent, talented people, but both with long histories of addiction and mental health issues. we have also had legal problems in the past. this was all separately, we met when we were cleaning our lives up, but before that? not good at all. why push that off onto someone else? both of us had shitty childhoods and even worse lineage. i wouldn't want to roll the dice.
>>675777301 There will be plenty of other people's kids to continually make you glad you don't have your own. And on decent occasion they will trust you more than their frazzled parents and ask you for advice. Foster care is lucrative.
No strings both situations. Not anon you replied to.
>>675777301 Why would I want a little human to guide? If I want to train something I can get a dog.
I don't regard my purpose on this planet (if there is one - whole other conversation) to bring more people into the world.
I look around me in restaurants, shops etc and I see kids running riot while parents show no interest and stare into their phones or chat to friends, completely unaware how much the rest of the world does not appreciate their kids antics. Child-rearing is hard work and requires time effort, sacrifice and dedication - otherwise you get delinquents. So many parents seem to think kids are a lifestyle accessory >car check >house check >good jobs check >holidays abroad check >kids check - but why the fuck do they keep making all this noise, demanding attention and disrupting my ideal lifestyle? Why don't the schools teach my children how to behave and respect my need for space and another martini?
>>675778242 >when your alcoholism is no longer cute That's a little snippy. If you don't agree with me and my choices then that's fine, but why a strawman you can then be snide about? Does it somehow make you feel better about yourself and your choices?
>>675778561 nah, didn't mean to be snippy. just being honest. theres always a point where the party is no longer a party and its just pathetic. i still choose to do it, just not lying to myself about it.
>>675778398 Well good luck to you. If you do decide on children then please ,make sure that raising great kids into good people is then your life's work. But don't neglect your partnership in doing so (a difficult act to juggle) - how many marriages or relationships fall apart when the kids leave home because that's all the adults had in common?
>>675778561 You pulled way more out of that then I put into it. If you're this anon >>675776680 Then I'm using your own words. If not, whoops. I still think you're swell, you might need some sleep though.
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