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ITT: we think of super powers with caveats. >you can fly

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 234
Thread images: 36

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ITT: we think of super powers with caveats.

>you can fly but only at a minimum speed of 600mph and during flight your legs are paralyzed.
>>
>>675721169

You're faster and stronger but you are black and have IQ of 60-80.
>>
Being able to regenerate,but have cancer and a fucked up face
>>
>>675721169
you can turn invisible but your ears and eyes must remained closed
>>
>>675721479
moron. what's the point of having cancer then?
>>
>>675721431
where is the super power??
>>
you can read minds but only those of babies
>>
You can shove anything you want in your ass but you cannot pull it back out
>>
>>675722589
tell me one good use of this "super power"
>>
Being able to teleport but only ever ten meters in any direction and can't bring anything with you (clothes, picked up items, etc.)
>>
>>675722903
It'll feel pretty good
>>
>>675723202
im not a faggot so it won't feel good.
>>
You can become invisible but only to one person
>>
>>675721685
tumor/growths? more disfigurement that if altered returns to itself
>>
>>675721169
Reverse laser vision

Reverse telepathy - everyone can hear your thoughts
>>
You can talk to animals, but you don't know what you're saying to them, so they can get offended and shit, or just think you're mental.
>>
>>675722903
Murder.
>>
>>675721479
So you're deadpool?
>>
>>675723407
self?
>>
>>675721590
Invisibility but only when no one is looking.
>>
>>675721479
Might as well be dead. I'd go drown in my dad's pool
>>
everyone hearing my thoughts sounds fucking awesome. i'd always be thinking some off the wall shit like
>>
>>675721479
Literally Deadpool.
>>
>>675723465
think loudly i am god
>>
>>675722309 shut up babies on a plane?
>>
Being able to stop time and move freely, but you still age. So you end up dying earlier than everyone else, because you've technically lived longer
>>
>>675722903
Smuggling, never get caught with illegal items because you have an anal black hole
>>
Telekinetic ability to redirect bullets, but only towards your head.
Also, helmets block your telekinesis.
>>
>>675723693
cell lacks oxygen. begin to decompose. regenerates. ur fkd
>>
>>675724120
>but you cannot pull it back out

can't smuggle if it's stuck in your asshole
>>
IMMORTAL.. but you accidentally fell into lava now you are waiting for it to erode away.
>>
>>675723407
my mom basically
>>
>>675723397
You dont have to be gay to like butt stuff. Im straight as an arrow but love jamming things in my ass. My gf will put stuff up there while she blows me. Dont knock till you try it you faggot.
>>
Reverse teleportation - instead of instantly moving, instantly stopping.
>>
>>675724120
smuggle to where? it's never coming back out... so the only way... is to climb into the asshole and rule your own univrass
>>
super fast but only when running backwards with your eyes closed.
>>
>>675721169
You can wash windows by using your mind only, but you can only use your power in sandstorms.
>>
>>675724559
I can second this. Prostate stim makes you cum hard, especially if its a girl sticking her fingers up there
>>
>>675721169

The power to understand the universe, but only when you're high on DMT.
>>
>>675724559
>love jamming things in my ass
things you'll never hear straight guys say
>>
what doesn't kill you makes you dumber
>>
>>675723976
Die a year early to pause time up to two minutes every hour and a half? That sounds amazing
>>
>>675724392
so essentially the power to summon lava tbat doesnt affect you
>>
You have the power to give third degree burns to one person once a day, but only if that person is you
>>
>>675723976
sux
>>
>>675721590
>ears must remain closed
>>
>>675724250
why would people be shooting at me anyway. i'm a librarian
>>
>>675724771
Nah. You gotta like guys to be gay dude. You just sound insecure in your manhood.
>>
>>675724374
>never get caught with items
Never said the items would make it. It's just a failsafe in the case you're caught
>>
>>675721169
Bring back people from the dead, but your power starts after you're 100 years old.
>>
The ability to shrink, and then that's it.
>>
>>675723942
He said read, not write
Also it woukdnt be in english because babies cant speak english
>>
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>>675722589

>go to wipe ass
>finger slips
>it goes in a bit too deep

time to amputate.....
>>
>>675724959
you can't close your ears?
>>
>>675724959
we all read it anon chill

power to create dank memes but only 8 years ago
>>
The ability to transform into an 83 year old hungarian woman with a weak bladder.
>>
>>675721479
I'd be a fucking UFC fighter
>>
>>675724803
Fair point. I hadn't done the maths.
But it means you can't do any super cool stuff like travel across the country in the blink of an eye.
>>
>>675721169
You can regenerate testicles, but you can only grow them in your stomach.
>>
The ability to stop bullets, but only while you're taking a shit.
>>
the ability to make anyone die via your mind, but for everyone that dies someone you love dies.

OR every time you kill someone, you start to forget who you are.
>>
The ability to seduce any girl to sleep with you with ease but they will get pregnant no matter what precautions you take.
>>
>>675725085
>goo goo gah gah.

fascinating
>>
You are a pervert with the ability to see through women's clothes. However, in the past you were found out and your dick has been cut off. Using your powers only results in frustration without relief.
>>
>>675725377
did somethings happen to your balls
>>
>>675725077
that's it? can't come back to normal?
>>
power to stop time, tough you freeze in time like everyone else. Also you don't have the power to turn time back on but you're still conscious.
Eventually, you'll stop thinking.
>>
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>>675724559
>Im straight as an arrow but love jamming things in my ass.
>>
>>675725270
done
>>
>>675725305
Well, you could, if you were willing to shave off another few months. Reckless use and you're living fast and dying middle-aged
>>
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>>675721967
>>
>>675723665
>Rob store in the middle of night.
>Nothing on security cameras.
>>
The ability to read minds, but doing so causes you to projectile vomit and violently shit and piss. Purging beforehand doesn't work (if lacking excrement, your bowels and stomach are filled with shit and vomit from another dimension to keep the flow going.
>>
>>675725377
Infinite food source? Just keep metabolizing
>>
>>675724997
Maybe they are shooting at someone else. You could use this power to possibly save someone, at the cost of getting shot in the head
>>
>>675725482
that's cool. i'd knock up everyone in Iowa City
>>
>>675725878
>I shit balls yo
>>
>>675725014
>Feds catch you and preform an cavity search
>They watch in horror as their men are slowly devoured by your ass.
>>
>>675725951
That's where I was born
>>
>>675725746
Power doesn't work with cameras
>>
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>>675724559
Im straight as an arrow but love sucking dicks.
>>
>>675725455
That's my secret
I'm always turtle heading
>>
>>675721169
Biggest cock in the world.
can only fuck OP.
>>
>>675726000
This is honestly /tg/ levels of wierd
>>
>>675721169
>the ability to have such a great charisma that girls come flying to you
>but Every girl you talk to is ugly
>>
>>675726085
you're welcome, son
>>
>>675726000
just as weird as your trips
>>
>>675725455
>A soldier is betowed this power
>eats nothing but milk and honey for three days straight
>waits until the explosive shit has reached maximum power
>flies into battle naked, screaming, shit flying everywhere
>the bullets rain down, shit effectively deflecting each one
>>
>>675726090
THE POWER EXISTS AS ORIGINALLY STATED
YOU CANT CONTINUE TO MAKE UP RULES TO COVER LOOPSHOLES OTHERS FIND
YOU CANT EVEN SEE ME RIGHT NOW BITCH THIS IS THE INTERNET
>>
>>675725719
Is this place full of nothing but insecure 11 year olds? Yes a guy can LOVE ass play and not be gay. To be gay you need to be attracted to the oppisite sex.
>>
The ability to make great inventions, but whenever you have a good idea you die.
>>
>>675726176
You're not my dad. My dad's not a faggot.
>>
>>675726317
ok anon damn
>>
>>675726000
>my sides
>>
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>>675724559
i'm straight as an arrow but hate fucking pussy.
>>
>>675726102
No that would make you at the least bisexual
>>
Almost none of you understand this, you're supposed to give a superpower - then make it conditional only to whenwhatever the condition is would completely negate what the power is.

i.e., You have super strength, but only when not touching anything; you have lased vision, but only while your eyes are closed; you can speed up or slow down time, but you speed up or slow down with it.
>>
>>675724559
This should be a banner
>>
>>675725011
fuck you you pansy assed faggot!
If I ever see you I will gay bash you to death!!!
>>
>>675726325
>impling ramming your own asshole with anything as a form of masturbation isn't deep deep in the closet
>>
>>675726487
I like my women like I like my coffee. Nowhere near my dick
>>
(insert superpower), but your nose grows 5 inches per second.
>>
>>675726000
Kek
>>
>>675726326
So someone else has the idea, but they hire you to make it as they lack the physical capabilities, wouldn't that fix that issue?
>>
>>675726547
Thats not quite it faggot.
>>
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>>675726517
Im straight as an arrow.
>>
You can read minds, but only your own
>>
>>675726734
>the power to lie
>>
>>675726487
That can make perfect sense actually as long as you dont like dick.
>>
>>675726000
Top kek
>>
>>675723407
This would be pretty great for a practical joke, Everyones like "HEY JOE" except one person who will think they've gone crazy or some shit cause they cant see this person who everyone is talking to
>>
>>675726555
>you don't have to be gay to like butt stuff.
-anon
>>
>>675725480
I like it
>>
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>>675726317
woooaaahtheresmokeajoint
fucking internet police. i can make up rules all day. means shit to anyone who doesn't care
>power to control almost nothing
>except what you can have manipulated
>only in one waking realm of consciousness
>stop having dreams
>lose all creativity or desire to know more
>>
>>675721169
Why would it matter if your legs are paralyzed while you fly?
>>
Can punch through anything
>cant stop punching
>>
Have ultimate all god like powers. Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent.


You're in a coma.
>>
>>675726547
>lased vision
>>
>>675726610
>what is a prostate?
>>
>>675727054
how would you land? on your back? knees? you're going 600mph mind you.
>>
>>675724997
Because you're a librarian
>>
>>675725480
#first version:
What happens if you've run out of people you love?
>>
>>675727054
I'd imagine it would have a lot to do with how you fly and how you land.
>>
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>>675724559
I like getting handjobs from my male friends, but Im straight as an arrow.
>>
>>675726164
I love ugly girls.
>>
>>675725951
You'd owe so much child support there's no way you could pay it so you'd end up in the electric chair.
>>
>>675727141
a part in your asshole
>>
ITT. The same kind of idiots that think being turned on by traps is gay. Morons.
>>
>>675725270
Imagine this guy in the old xmen intro
'Pissgran'
>>
>>675727089
>create another universe with your powers
>create earth 2.0
>be a real god
>????
>profit
>>
>>675725077
top kek!
>>
>>675726000
You're ass would be a cop graveyard.
>>
>>675727433
>in your head*
>>
>>675724997
Colombine shootings were in a library...

Illuminati confirmed.
>>
>>675725770
I would create an entire lake of shit and piss. How is that not awesome?
>>
>>675724559
Dont knock it til you try it.. I believe thats what every fag has said to every straight guy he wants to fuck. I dont have to jack off with sand paper to know i wouldnt like it faggot. You go ahead sticking any cock shaped object up your shithole and claim your straight
>>
>>675727265
Im going to keep enjoying my gf fingering my asshole while blowing me. You go ahead and keep masturbating to ponies and convincing yourself im the gay one.
>>
>>675725951
holy shit I'm not the only one here
>>
>>675727365
electric chair for not paying child support? come on.
>>
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>>675727401
And a guy who thinks ramming his own asshole with that 2 foot horse dildo is perfectly straight.
>>
>>675727540
>You're ass
>>
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>>675724559
Im straight as an arrow but I like getting hot loads of thick cum blown on my face.
>>
>>675726281
Sounds like a one man shitzkrieg
>>
>>675727568
>is omnipotent
>cant make anything actually happen
wat
>>
>>675723202
Lol
>>
>>675725613
/Thread
>>
>>675727223
Use a parachute.
>>
>>675727401
look, being turned on by a 'feminine' penis is gay af. prostate stimulation isn't - just like jerking off isn't gay either.
>>
You have telepathy, but only on things you can actually pick up.
>>
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>>675727568
doesnt know what omnipotent means
>>
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>>675724559
Bravo. Your superpower is that you're straight but gay
>>
>>675726317
>you can't even cena me right now
>>
The ability to have any women you want
But you are permanently impotent
>>
>>675722903

Anything anon. ANYTHING. Whole armies will fall to the abyss of your ass.
>>
>>675728017
Yo that's still nice. Like having a gravity gun
>>
>>675726325
I know what you mean.
Why would anyone think shoving black dildos up your ass is gay? I heard that's what Claude van dam was into.
>>
>>675727237
Use power when no loved ones are left
don't die
fall into depression due to lack of self love
become a feminist on tumblr
>>
>>675727673
>not masturbating with glorious sand paper
what are you some kind of faggot?
you'll never know what pleasure feels like
>>
>>675728017

> Telepathy

*Telekinesis
>>
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>>675724559
Im straight as an arrow but sucking the jizz out of my roommates fleshlight. He doesn't know. I've been caught only once. My roommate's straight aswell.
>>
>>675728017
Are you not able to carry an average human?

If not - buff up.
>>
>>675727673
Can he shove "pussy shaped" objects in his asshole? Totally straight then right????
>>
>>675727673
Oh im going to. I have a few buttplugs and my girlfriend has had 3 fingers up there. Feels awesome. Sadly youll never know the feeling of a prostate orgasm because your so insecure you think that someone who is exlusivly attracted to girls is gay. Im going to go shove a buttplug up my ass right now and revel in my staightness.
>>
>>675727904
at 600mph? it would rip you in half
>>
>>675728158
Yep, fucked that one up.
>>
>>675728067
In your head. God like powers from within the coma in your dreamland. I could have phrased that a little better
>>
The power to write a perfect 10/10 story....can only post on r9k
>>
>>675726325
A guy can also have a ton of co on his comp and not be a pedophile... But most likely he is. Guys who are obsessed with getting fucked up the ass.. Aren't necessarily gay.. But most of them are dip shit
>>
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>>675728073
kek
>>
the power to stop the worlds spin in an instant.
>>
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>>675728279
so lucid dreaming?
>>
>>675728237
>Fly up into the sky
>turn off flight power
>freefalling.mp3
>pull parachute cord at appropriate time
>land softly at MLP convention
>>
You can create and imagine any thing you want but you must remember those are fantasies and are not real unlike the world you live in now
>>
So by the logic ITT any guy who jacks of is gay because he likes stroking dick. You all need to man up and shove a finger up your asses the next time you fap. You might be surprised.
>>
>>675726734
The power to make tons of money at other peoples expense
>>
>>675728555
trips of friendship
>>
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>>675724559
You dont have to be gay to like DeepFantasy.
>>
>>675728555
no nigga. to stop flying you'd have to land.
>>
You become reborn as Hitler, but as a female black muslim Hitler.
>>
The power to pull any amount of money out of your asshole, but you have to pull it out in front of people to use it.
>>
>>675726734
Become a jew for every coin you found in the floor
>>
>>675728610
soooo you can dream anytime you want. thanks. already have that power.
>>
>>675727692
That's why your girlfriends fingers always smell like shit.
>>
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>>675728073
>>675728073
>>675724559
>>
>>675727727
Hey, if it's in the billions I'm sure it becomes a capital crime.
>>
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>>675728480
that's pretty much the destruction of all bigger lifeforms on earth - assuming the world doesn't rip due to the force applied which would kill even bacteria
>>
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>>675728611
ok, i'll shove a finger up my ass because someone on 4chan said i'd be surprised. what's the worse that can happen
>>
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>>675725482
Fuck yeah; choose well & sire hundreds of children of supermodels and heiresses
>>
Have the power to make someone shit their pants. But you shit your pants too.
>>
The power to steal anything with 100% chance of success but you are always raided 23 hours later and convicted of cp
>>
>>675726547
This way is better, there's no fun thinking of useless super powers, more fun to make ones that are very conditional and we think of it. Like the one where your ass is a one way to endless space
>>
>>675729199
you like it
do not forget to lube, fag
>>
>>675727955
Unless you jerk off thinking about getting stuff rammed up your ass.
>>
>>675723022
Is there a delay between teleports?
>>
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>>675728893
Get a coma patient to your home to "take care off".
Pay nurse to take care of coma buddy.
Spend the rest of the day ruining your carpet with shitty 1 dollar notes.
>>
>>675728893
get a group of friends you trust..... pay them off......have them watch you pull money out of your ass...............profit
>>
I was about to join in on the ass argument, but then i realized i'm on a anomalus image board - and arguing about stuff in someones ass is gay in itself. gr8 b8 tho.
>>
>>675728215
You strike me as a young guy.. We will see where you are at in 10 years. As you get older u will get more and more bored with sex with women cause you have done it all.. And you will think.. I wanna try a real cock i mean whats the difference. You will get fucked for the first time and a light will go off in your head that this whole time you were made to be bent over and pant like a bitch as a real man fucks your south mouth. Next thing you know.. Visiting your kids on the weekends and wearing your underwear backwards
>>
>>675726128
>"that's cool" - OP
>>
>>675728893
I would wonder what a life being a jew would be like
>>
>>675729142
That would be a pretty hard court battle honestly.
The judge would hear the prosecution claim the defendant is responsible for having impregnated thousands of Iowan cumdumpster then take one look at anon and throw out the case based on anon clearly being a massive faggot.
>>
>>675729320
Sit at home and make random famous people shit their pants on tv. Become Yamagi Brown and terrorize the world.
>>
Have access to all porn ever created, can see any woman naked, all you have to do is close your eyes.
But you can only fap once a week.
>>
>>675729339
right kek.
>>
>>675729646
>wearing your underwear backwards
wat
>>
Cum tastes like chocolate syrup.
but only to you.
>>
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>>675724559
Im straight as an arrow but own the
worlds largest dildo collection.
>>
you can get any kind of porn you want regardless of fetish instantly, but only when a cop is with you (and is not your friend or family).
>>
>>675728215
I bet you let off loud farts when she does that and it makes her wet as hell.
You, my friend, are an asshole stud!
>>
>>675729646
accurate
>>
>>675729801
lol
>>
>>675727838
HOLY HELL thats a good one bra
>>
>>675724559
I'm straight as an arrow but love wearing all leather clothes.
>>
>>675730030
that's actually not that bad
>roll 0 you eat your own cum
would be a piece of caek
>>
Can double jump like in tf2 as scout, but you shit everytime you do.
>>
>>675730097
cops don't scare me. i'd cum harder
>>
>>675728382
How about you can get ANY girl you want, but you are a screaming faggot...
>>
>>675730097
>Write scripts to automatically download loaded sites.
>Visit police station daily and have a friendly chat with the officers.
>>
>>675725085
Babies definitely understand the language used in their surrounds before they can speak.

Children understand commands, names and some concepts before they learn how to be verbal. They even use signals, like shaking their heads for yes or no or pointing at an object when being asked what they want. So they may think the language in their heads but it's probably very limited and not gonna be very deep.
>>
>>675728555
Lost it at the landing then sustained with trips
>>
>>675730371
>just like dogs
>>
>>675729945
So the hole is in the back you fucking dolt
>>
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>>675730371
MODS!
>>
>>675728668
Oy Gevalt!!
>>
File: Bowel Disruptor.jpg (175KB, 824x970px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Bowel Disruptor.jpg
175KB, 824x970px
>>675729320

Your comment reminded me of an old graphic novel series, Transmetropolitan. The main character has a weapon that can make a target shit themselves, called the 'Bowel Disruptor'.

Three settings: Loose, watery, or anal prolapse.
>>
>>675730356
i think it wasn´t implied or worded but the cop has to watch it too...
>>
File: drowning in pussy.gif (2MB, 424x240px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
drowning in pussy.gif
2MB, 424x240px
>>675730238
>beat the olympics
>become a meme
don't even know which would be better
>>
>>675724559
Does your girlfriend fuck you with her femine penis?
>>
>>675726151
>>675726250
>>675726472
>>675726762
>>675726909
>>675727540
Stay tuned for my new short horror novel anons; The Bottomless Pit.
>>
You can post on 4chan and be guaranteed that everyone in the thread will read it, like the most important comment.

But you can never get dubs and must post with a lifetime trip.
>>
>>675726602
Hey, a Trump supporter.
>>
Can achieve massive orgasm once per day, but it happens randomly and without warning.
>>
>>675729646
That's fucking weird and wrong bro.
-that guy strikes me as a full grown fellow
Thread posts: 234
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