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I need your help /b/ros >Be me average /b/ro >20yo, fatty

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 149
Thread images: 32

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I need your help /b/ros

>Be me average /b/ro
>20yo, fatty living at parent's
>First time shaving my crotch in the bathtub
>Everything runs smooth
>Suddenly the drain starts grumbling
>Water doesn't go down as fast as usual
>Drain is fucking full of hair
>Parents come back in 2hrs

tl;dr my drain is full of hair, i have 2 hours to solve that

Pic totally related, my drain

Already tried removing the screw and removing the hair, still can't reach them the pipe is strangely shaped
>>
>>607602728
lol faggot get shrekt
>>
>>607602728
assuming not bait.... fill with some water and use a plunger to get things moving
>>
>>607602728
Get draino my friend. Gone in 20min
>>
Use a metal hanger like your parents should have used on you.
>>
>>607603003
Thank you for your very useful comment

>>607603053
Dunno if we have one, dunno where it is anyway
>>
>>607602728
Try and find a metal coat hanger then straighten it with a hook on the end and goto town
>>
https://www.google.ca/?gws_rd=ssl#q=clogged+drain


anon delivers
>>
Caustic soda will clean that out in 30 seconds.
Seriously are you 13 and never encountered a drain blockage before?
>>
>>607602728
That drain is disgusting btw. Go fucking bend a close hanger and form a small hook at the end and get to digging. Next time shave over the trashcan or toilet.
>>
>>607603159
How the fuck do you not know if you have a plunger? I clog my toilet daily.
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>>607603053
>>607603063
>>607603136
You have three valid, useful comments here, in a row, on /b/. This is some kind of record, to be sure. Count yourself lucky.

Now you say you're 20 years old and don't even know if you have a plunger in the house. How do you even function? I mean I go years without ever having to use a plunger, but this is basic information to know where stuff like this is located.
>>
lol are there leaves in the drain?
>>
You can pour a little bit of baking powder down the drain and followed by some vinegar. It'll push the clogged hair apart and then just pour water to get it flowing again.
>>
>>607603546
Sounds fucking stupid
>>
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>>607603490
And holy fuck. In composing this post, there's how many more helpful, useful posts?! Let me count:
>>607603257
>>607603282
>>607603285
>>607603291

And I like the cut of your jib >>607603479
>>
>>607603490
>>607603479
this
>>
>>607602728
post pics of penis
>>
What the fuck are you serious, you can't think of a single solution? When that happens to me I just get tweezers and start pulling, it literally comes out in one huge chunk. But back to the fact that you're 20 and have the problem solving skills of a 10 year old. What's your deal?
>>
a fucking pipe snake asshole
>>
>>607603490
That's not the kind of thing i use
I don't even know where is the extinguisher, i know we got one, but ...

>>607603542
Yeah we get water from a water well or idk, we don't pay water but it's shitty water

Gonna try the hanger
>>
>>607603654
Give it a shot. Works for me! Just don't pour a lot of baking powder obviously.
>>
>>607603800
And goes on /b/ for a solution. Who is like, "I have this vast information resource called the Internet at my fingertips, with valuable insights on almost every subject imaginable. I've encountered a very common household problem. Surely the Internet will have a solution. First stop, /b/, of course."

For the sake of humanity, this had better be bait.
>>
>>607603911
tfw i only have plastic hangers

>>607604104
Sadly no bait, i don't even know how to wash my clothes.

Dunno where the baking soda is, just as much as the plunger.
>>
>>607604339
Why are you bragging about being a fucking manchild?
>>
>>607604339
Dont do the baking soda you'll end up making it worse. Go find a fucking screw driver or something. Or as said use tweezers or needle nose plyers
>>
>>607603911
Let me help you because I'm a nice guy. Here's a list of things for you to do after you unclog that drain:

1. Locate the plunger. Ask your parents if you don't know. A toilet will clog. It's only a matter of time. You'll want to know where the plunger is when that happens.

2. Find out where the fucking fire extinguisher is. Seriously, you'll likely never need this, but the one time your about to burn to death, you'll be oh so grateful that you knew where this thing was.

3. Learn how to become a functional human being. This one is optional.
>>
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>>607604339
>>
>>607602728
Plunger, hot water.
>>
Put a vacuüm cleaner on it and ya done
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>>607604339
>>607604581
Dear lord. Learn how to wash cloths is now 3 on the list.

Becoming a functional human being seems to be more and more unattainable.
>>
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>>607604044
I dont shave. But if i ever do i will need a crane to unclog the drain

>Pic related
>>
>>607604666
Satan speaks
>>
>>607602728
>fatty
>First time shaving my crotch in the bathtub
faggot gtfo
>>
>>607604339
wow

you certainly aren't an average /b/tard. we laugh at types like you in cringe threads
>>
>>607604779
Damn. That's a nice bush you got goin' there. I like it.
>>
>>607604779

Kek, if only you knew, Lil bush
>>
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>>607604666
trips dont lie m8
>>
>>607604581
Sadly they don't teach those kind of thing in college

Still searching for plunger/baking soda, bathroom is a fucking mess

>>607604779
I was way worse than that before shaving.
Portuguese origins.
>>
Let's make a list!

1. doesn't know where plunger is
2. doesn't know where extinguisher is
3. doesn't know where baking soda is
4. doesn't know how to wash clothes

This is clearly bait. Not one is this useless.
>>
>>607604967
They're called amerifats. OP is one of them.
>>
>>607604931
You're *supposed* to learn those things well before college.
>>
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>>607602728
>>
>>607604967
1. why would i fucking use a plunger (well, nom, but i didn't need it before)
2. see above
3. blah blah
4. mom's job

I pretty much don't know anything about housing.

And i'm french.
>>
>>607605266
This isn't about housing. C'est les tres simple items de vie!
>>
God, this is clearly a bait. Stop taking it newfags!
>>
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I have pubes longer then my dick. Is that bad?
>>
>>607604875
>we
Fuck off.
>>
>>607605761
i'm bored and tired. i know this is clearly bait. i'm just enjoying la joie de vie.
>>
>>607605837
I'd love to get a whiff of that bush <3
>>
>>607605837
And to answer your question, no. It's not bad. Gotta hard pic?
>>
>>607605947
>>607605761
I wish it was.
>>
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>>607605837
im going to throw up ok op for advice this might technically work but dont get near the fumes open a window and a combo of bleach baking soda and hydrogen peroxide do this now post results
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>>607606179
Add some vinegar in there and you might just have a tasty new chip flavour. Yum!
>>
You're 20 just fucking leave it there and stop being a damn sissy
>>
>>607605837
At least we've got this good thing going.

I'll second that request for hard pics >>607606108
>>
>>607606108
No hard pics. And i fapped 3 times within the last 2 hours so i dont even think i can get a full boner
>>
>>607606540
prostate issues doctor
>>
>>607606540
Either way, you seem very attractive.
>>
>>607606540
I feel like this is a challenge. What turns you on anon?
>>
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>>607603136
>>
>>607602728
Get acid, you stupid cunt.
>>
>>607602728
OP just pour down some drainpipe cleaner... it will dissolve the hair in a few minutes; then just wash it down with water
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>>607606844
Iunno this is the last thing i fapped to
>>
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>>607602728
Go to CVS or some 24hr place like it and buy a plastic drain snake.

cost about $4

thank me later

checkem
>>
>>607602728

Fire Op. Use fire.
Pour some flammable liquid like lighter fluid into the drain and throw a match in; will instantly incinerate all hair in the drain.
Inb4 house burns down its a fucking tub turn on the shower if it gets too hot.
>>
>>607602728
nair in drain.
>>
>>607607504
This would work. Hopefully op uses something like gasoline where the vapors are flammable and the drain shoots fire into his face.
>>
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>>607602728
Pour lye in the drain.

Chuck a couple crystals in, run the drain long enough to fill the p-trap (about 2-3 seconds) and wait a minute or two.

You should see smoke come out since lye reacts with the hair producing sulfur dioxide.
>>
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>>607607504
Brilliant. Shower acts like a putty fire outy.
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>>607602728
get a paper towel tube. place it over the drain, pressing down tightly to form a pseudo-seal. blow as hard as possible into the tube. this will force/blast the blockage to break up. may have to repeat a time or two.
>>
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I got it up lol
>>
>>607602728
blame it on your mom's hair / Dad's hairy chest, you cunt !
>>
>>607608315
Not bad! I'd suck it!
>>
>>607607892
So what your telling me is this Op that had the genius to shave his long ass pubes in the tub; is going to siphon gas from his car, put it in an atomizer, spray it down the drain, light a match stick his face in-front of the drain then light it?

Well when you put it like that, i'd have to agree.
>>
>>607608060
That damn scarlet pimpernel!
Also the fuck is a putty fire outy
>>
>>607608454
totally not a faggot
>>
>>607602728
Lol, are you actually worried that your parents will find out you shaved your pubes?
>>
>>607608868
Yes. Op is an underagefag. His father is violent drunk. His mother wears a helmet around the house.
>>
>>607608811
You wouldn't be wrong.
>>
>>607602728
Get some cooking oil or something similar. The oil will lube the hairs and make going down smoother. Then rinse with condition for a silky smooth coat
>>
>>607608868
my parents almost disowned me for shaving my pubes because they thought I was gay.
My brother actually explained that shaving pubes is normal.

That conversation was the highlight of my life and my parents pretty much abandoned religion at that point which is even lulzier. They haven't been to church ever since my brother told my parents people shave their pubes.
>>
>>607608468
Just pouring it in there will be enough vapor for a nice fire ball out of the pipe
>>
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>>607608715
putty fire outy is also that thing that makes water go splashy, splashy on my body, body. it can be used as both things. putty the fire outy or wetty splashy on the body-wody.
>>
>>607602728
pressure wash it a bit so it doesn't look like its your hair from just looking down the drain, have parents deal with it at a later time/you do it at a later time.

see, if you do something that smells while they are gone while you are home alone... they will suspect you did something weird... but if you do it lets say a week or so later while they are home and tell them shit isnt working right, the suspicion you did something weird is lessoned, theres also the chance they do this themselves and your involvement never comes up...

always have an exit plan when doing something weird.
>>
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>>607609403
Deflect blame. Are you a (future) politician?
>>
>>607604578
If he doesn't know where the plunger is, I doubt he can utilize needle nosed pliers. Just sayian.
>>
>>607604779
Holy crap! And I thought chewbacca was hairy!
>>
>>607608468
Also what do mean when you say atomizer? Are you talking about a spray bottle or some shit?
>Amerifat here
>>
>>607609199
I've done it many times before with different flammables and have never produced "a nice fireball" but then again i didn't empty the can, I applied as needed.

>>607609327
I have no response to this...
>>
>>607603136
rekt.
>>
OP here after looking for a shop, everything's closed

>>607608868
Yeah pretty much, your parents know you are fapping but you wouldn't like getting caught, right ?

>>607608121
You have strong lungs.

>>607607504
Good idea, but where can i get gas ?

>>607607450
Is this a zipper ? ...
>>
>>607609551
do you want the people putting a roof over your head to think you did something weird/ did something weird where they could kick you out if they jump the gun?

look, the last thing you want your parents to know is that you shaved off all your crotch hair and clogged the drain.

best case they look at you funny, worst case they cant even look you in the eyes without thinking about what you did anymore and you become the creepy thing they want out.

its best to know how to not draw attention to yourself as much as possible.
>>
>>607609683
what's an atomizer?

I have this thing at my fingertips... no... not a nail... a thing called... the inter-stellar-webs. I hear this new invention has all sorts of informations on it. Like what words mean. But why look this up myself, when I can ask others to do it for me. Maybe I'll get a legit response.
>>
>>607609683
Pretty much, and atomizer is used in the U.S its anything that turns a liquid into a mist, aerosol, spray bottles, cologne shits
>>
>>607602728
bleach dissolves hair. Try it.
>>
>>607609710
What did you use? Lighter fluid? Nail polish remover? Some things are more combustible than others
>>
>>607609827
not a zipper

its called a drain snake

its made for getting hair out of sinks.
looks like your time is running short
>>
>>607609827
IF YOU HAVE NO FLAMMABLE LIQUIDS IN YOUR HOUSE YOU MUST SURELY BE PULLING MY COCK
>>
>>607609403
Yeah except my parents are not hoboes and shower everyday, they will notice it tonight.
I'll keep the idea about the exit plan.
>>
>>607610029
lighter fluid, paint remover, I've even used a fucking Lysol flamethrower smell was not too nice though after though
>>
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>>607609873
I get it. I was admiring your skills.

Anyway, OP should maybe be kicked out of the house. Would teach him a whole whack of life lessons. Or he would die. Either way, humanity wins.
>>
>>607609186
Quietly chuckled
>>
>>607609939
I know what it is. The only thing iv ever heard anybody call an atomizer is from e cigs
>>
>>607602728
Wait, Drain's get filled with hair. What's the damn problem here?
>>
>>607610122
OP are you a freaking idiot?

Your what? 20, I think the worst they would do is give you the plunger and get it out yourself.
>>
>>607610246
Don't have a lighter, nobody smoke.
Dafuk is a paint remover, you mean nails ?
Sorry, i'm in France, we don't have house flamethrowers here.

>>607610361
Awkward silence at dinner.
>>
>>607610122
if the water just slightly backs up, do the plunger plan, and part of mine... the plunger can bring up a smell if you do it to much, so just do it enough.

if a normal shower doesn't back water up, just clear the immediate drain and do some draino cleaning a week or so from now.

>>607610253
learning to have an exit plan is something i learned very early on in my "im doing weird shit to my self tonight" teens.
>>
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>>607610122
Hahaha. Spending zero time on implementing any of these solutions (which would take about 10-15 min to do) + spending all time threading us along = nice b8 m8
>>
>>607610358
Let me re-phrase that. What's the problem with them finding it's clogged? You seem to be a man-child they'll probably think nothing of it, fix it for you.
>>
>>607610485
Ooooh. What kind of weird shit. I want details!
>>
>>607610330
I wouldn't know about e-cigs,
My penis is still attached to my body thank you
But i mean hey if op's got an e-cig skinny enough he might be able to fish some hairs out
>>
>>607610494
Well, since i don't know where bleach/plunger is, i'm pretty much screwed anyway, might as well keep this thread updated.
>>
>>607610473
OP doesn't know how fire works
OP doesn't know what flammable things are
OP is in France
OP is b8 m8 time to evacu8
>>
>>607610473
Come on you cant even make fire? Iv lit my cigarettes in my Microwave with tin foil and a pieace of paper
>Inb4 stove i dont have one
>>
>>607610578
depends on how old the plumbing is and how its connected to the sewer, but at worst you are getting some gross as fuck water with a horrible "would rather this have been shit in the toilet, at least than i can explain the smell" smells.

i suggest plugging and filling the tub and than instead of relying plunging water in and out, you just force the water in fast.

and this was learned because i was to poor to get drano one time the tub got clogged.
>>
>>607610886
Built the house when i was born, so 20yo plumbing
>>
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>>607610664
You don't know where fuck all is. Yup, might as well keep this thread updated. Good plan. Can't wait for the convo with parents.

>Well I've clogged the drain.
>Did you try to unclog it?
>Yes
>What did you do?
>I searched the internet.
>Then what did you do?
>Well I found out I don't know fuck all about anything in this house. Like, seriously, where is anything located?
>What site did you go to son?
>4chan
>Praise /b/ to fortune for showing our sun the light!
>>
>>607610996
that is able to bring up a weird smell if you plunge wrong then but its plumbed in a way to try and prevent it.
>>
Happened to me once,
I can totally relate...
Took a crane to get it out
>>
>>607611110
Seriously, there are more shampoo and other useless thing in the bathroom than books in my room, how am i supposed to find something in this mess ?
And i read a lot.
>>
By the way, my crotch fucking itch, i shoulda kept the forest. At least i had an ecosystem in there.
>>
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>>607611579
My I recommend the following books:

"How to Shave Your Pubes Without Clogging the Drain"
"Unclogging the Drain with Fire, Without Killing Yourself"
"Locating Common Household Items: Plungers, Baking Soda and Fire Extinguisher Edition"
"Learning How to Live Independently as a 20-Year-Old Man-Child"
>>
>>607611894
My book comes with a free "flamethrower"
because apparently there was a flamethrower genocide in France
>>
>>607611894
I think /b/ should publish a series of books on nigger home repair
>>
>>607611840
I feel you. I shaved my forest for the first time about a month ago and I can't stand it. 20 as well, btw.
>>
>>607611840
>>607612319
Try to trim next time. Sheesh. You don't need to shave it all off.
>>
>>607612479
took me 20 min to shave ¼, i'm not even done. I can't imagine trimming.

>>607612319
Does the itch stay ? I'm about to make a hole in my pants ...
>>
>>607612618
Few days lol
>>
>>607612618
hahaha... trimming is faster than shaving. Jesus fucking christ.
>>
Sometimes i shave it makes my dick >>607608315 look way bigger
>>
>>607612618
The itch didn't last too terribly long. I have a neat little bit of fuzz going on down there now.
>>
So girls do that every week ?
Jesus, i feel so bad for every pornstars now.

>>607613059
I can't wait until i can try shaving the ballz.
Hopefully i have tons of bandaids.
>>
>inb4 spiderman tears down thread
>>
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>>607613351
>>
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Like this OP
>>
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Hey, OP, get a drinking straw and make cuts in it like in pic related, marked with red. Pull the cut out parts out a little. Then hold onto the end and put it in the drain, but leave enough out so you can pull it out. This is a tiny version of a drain snake.
>>
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>>607613454
>>
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Sorry op this is the proper way
>>
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>>607613454
do it
>>
if worst comes to worst you can just tell them you shaved your pubes because you were curious. don't tell your mom. tell your dad. the worst he's going to do is laugh at you, yell at you for clogging the drain, and help you fix the problem.
>>
>>607613926
ballsy
>>
>>607613458
If u came up with this It actually impressed me
>>
>>607613458
Fucking great idea, gonna try this right now.
>>
>>607614184
For fuck sake dont cut the straw in half
>>
>>607614184
Wait, where the fuck do i find the straws ? I don't think we have any.
>>
>>607614298
This. Fucking. Faggot.
>>
>>607614298
of course you don't. do you have a hand? one will do. doesn't matter left or right.
>>
>>607614298
/thread
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