I've been with my wife since we were in college. I was practical and worked hard to make sure I was lined up for success. She was more about her passion. 6 years later and I'm pretty close to moving up to the big leagues in my industry and getting a massive pay bump.
Problem is this. My wife kind of flunked out. Bless her heart, I love her, but she failed and it's as simple as that. I willingly support her, I try to motivate her, and she's a perfectly nice person, but I'm in a conflicted position. I'm thinking practically about whether or not I should divorce her before I'm making that much money. She just isn't up to par with me anymore and I don't feel like I have much in common with her. I'd say I love her as an acquaintance now, but I don't think that it suits my future to have someone who can't keep up with me to have that level of access and control over my life.
Part of me thinks she's known since college that I was an easy bet as a partner. I told her then how driven I was, and what I was going to do with my life. Part of me thinks that's why she's slacked all these years. But maybe that's something to comfort my guilt, of which I admittedly don't have much of.
The smart and strategic move for my life would be to divorce her, legally, financially, and logically speaking. I like her just fine now, but you can't really know what a person will become, and I'm not sure that's a bet I want to make given the stakes and all of the work I've put into this. If she wasn't so dependent on me it might be a different story, but as it is, her close involvement in my life and the fact that my life takes up so much of hers simply adds up to unnecessary baggage and a risk.
Maybe /b/ will surprise me with some original thoughts. Maybe not. I'm probably 70% decided that I'll divorce her. I'm sure I'll feel bad about it, and she will be devastated, but I have to make choices that will bring me forward rather than hold me back.
I usually tell to myself that my own career,desires and progress are completly beyond that any other emotional string (yes, including my family). Even I suffered in the past conflicts with my family and right now I'm having the same feel with my girlfriend. Right now I'm completly decided that if she isn't going to move with me in my progress I'm going to left her. But I supose there's a limit at that straightfoward thinking, and that limit is marriage.
I really wouldn't know what to do in your situation, but i'm pretty sure that you alredy decided and you don't need a help from anyone so... do whatever you think is going to make you happier. Staying with your wife or moving along in your own progress.
I'm really sorry if my message is bad written. I'm not a native english speaker but I like to help in these situations.
>>603748125 Sorry nobody's answering your thread Your story seems really touching and I don't think I can contribute greatly What made you fall in love with her ? In your moments of doubts, what memory brings you back to her ? But if you don't really match that kind of guy (romantic type or so) maybe you should move on Truthfully, I can't know that for you
Best decision would be to talk to her about that (really the best for you) After her reaction, you will still have time to decide
people grow apart, its fine. if you dont wanna be with her and cant convice yourself to do so, then just seperate. otherwise you will be bothered by this for many years to come. she´s just somewhere else than you are, its no bad thing to divorce her. go with it and stay focused, shell be better off aswell
>>603748125 my ex's parents were my first thought after readin this. he was working at morning as newspaper delivery boy and after that in a supermaket. she dont nothing.
she was a lazy bitch who didnt wanna work and prefered letting her husband work all the time (he almost never slept that was amazing) to support her and my ex.
but in the past it wasnt like that. they both worked in serious jobs. when she was about 30 she decided to go on and work and something she loved...something about designing i dont remember... well she failed badly. since then she didnt try to get a job. the father got fired from a great job and was too old the get a proper normal job so had to work in shit.
hated her. couldnt stand looking at her father so tired all the time (great guy) while she is doing nothing.
anyway , u will get to that eventually man. this girl needs you to leave her.
problem is this - if you wont leave her, she will be a fatass lazy bitch. if you will? she will probably learn how to live by herself , have another relationship but will work and wont become that lazy bitch.
so you are losing both ways... but you still better leave her.
>>603750055 I don't think it's a matter of right or wrong here. There's always a difference in circumstance. For all we know, she may just be trying to mooch from his successes. Or she's helpless and was destined to fail at her own goals, despite all the effort she puts in. Or there's something else we don't know.
>>603749563 If you two have been together since forever and you don't have a prenup and she's dependent on you, chances are good that the state in which you live is going to side for her and she's going to get something. Then when you make more, she can probably bring you back to court and get some more. It's not like you met 2 years ago. Judges are usually sympathetic to long term relationships. That said, you need to move on if you really feel that way.
You have managed to see it from an objective side of view which in most case if not all would be consider as the best choice, so why go back on it? because you have some feelings for her with out it beeing something special? you are clearly a career person and those types is going to have a bad time if they are gonna deal with bullshit it's gonna damage your relationship, career, maybe kids if you have some.
I don't want to go in any relationship for an example because I know that love can give trouble not saying it is bad, but love I think is probably only there to make us confident to trust a complete strange person how else should we be able to get kids certainly not by just being friends if you ask me, there is no shame in admitting our mistakes and acting upon them by correctim them. I would say to those who think it's selfish I think it is too but how are you going to do anything good, have a good life and be a good influence if yourself live in misery, it might not be impossible the last part but it is probably making it harder to be (this is of course only if you are not trying to hurt other while doing your acts but one should always think very carefully about this kind of decisions)
>>603748125 money changes people, but it definitely won't make you truly happier OP. If you've been with her this long, you've been comfortable enough to you probably won't find another woman as good for you.
Unless you know, you're all about that wolf on wallstreet bullshit. Then again, if the love is lost, then you should at least talk to her about it. How is she bringing you down? Mentally? Do you feel like you're not being the best you can be because you're not making more money? Or is it because she's not trying HER best to make the best out of the both of you?
Been there. We married young, 19 & 20. My advice if you're going to leave her do it sooner than later, it gets worst, much worst.
>Built myself up, >She wanted to stay home with our daughter, and run the house >Daughter gets to school age, wife says she's getting a job >Wife quits job lies about it >Wife racks up 30k in secret credit card bills >Wife gets pregnant hides it for 6 months (poorly) >Wife doesn't pay house payment (Money in account, she just doesn't pay bills) >Wife takes 3 day trip to see sister, gone for a month
Leave her ass OP, it's going to cost you a lot more if you wait
This. If you're worried about this happening, you're going to have go do some psychological persuasion to get her to do SOMETHING. I imagine that she isnt beautiful, as you would have probably passed her as a trophy wife, so try to get her involved in something. If you dont care about her making as much (and getting some prestige) I suggest some sort of public service work (volunteering to work with at risk kids, adoption agencies, etc.). It's always perceived as more admirable if the husband makes the big bucks while the wife does philanthropic work.
have fun with spousal support payments, even if you get rid of her b4 you start making real money, she is going to get a good chunk from you every month until she gets sick of spending your money and marries some other poor sucker. And if you two have children together, forget about it, She is going to make you spend 100s of thousands in lawyers if she wants to fuck with you (have fun paying her lawyers too).
When a friend loses their way you guide them she may one day the one who saves you. All futures are yet unwritten. Talk to her. Find out . who she was. Now is isn't who she is. A hand up to those you love may well be able to help you but she her self has to show initiative. Best of luck op. Godspeed.
>>603750910 well, that detail is really important. If OP is a faggot who needed a gf to success in his life, then he owes her too much and doesn't deserve that. If it was just love and nothing more, then, he should move along
This, my family works like this, my dad has a great job with good pay, but my mom handles all the bills, driving the younger kids around, cooking, she kinda sucks at cleaning, but that aside it gives my old man the focus he needs to keep his mind mostly on either his job or relaxing rather than worrying about things on the home front.
Mind you, my mom is a pretty honest woman with the finances, though she has had some failings financially like buying a bunch of nice furniture, which coincidentally my old man quite liked as well. But on the whole it's a good system, at least when there were 4 kids growing up.
>>603748125 >I'm probably 70% decided that I'll divorce her. I'm sure I'll feel bad about it, and she will be devastated, but I have to make choices that will bring me forward rather than hold me back.
Nigga you anwered that shit yourself. Fuck, how can someone on here tell you? Do they know you? Do they know your wife? Nah nigga, so what you do is divorce her, because you know it and you want it. Fuck her! Better to leave than to make it harder on both of you.
I'm not desperate for sex and I don't make my decisions about it. Nor am I looking for you to disrespect my wife. She's a nice woman and doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve to be divorced for that matter, but nor do I deserve to be held back.
>>603748125 I honestly don't see your point as to why you want to leave her. So what if she isn't successful? A proper relationship envolves personal growth on both parts. If you cannot offer your wife help in her growth, it's not that she's not right for her, you're not man enough for her. She's stuck by your side for these 6 years, and the second you "make it" you leave her? what the fuck? Now if you legit emotionally do not like her anymore, by all means, but if you just want to divorce her so that you can find a partner who will make you more money, fuck you man, that's one of the saddest things i've heard in my life.
Married guy here with my $0.02. When you married her, you most likely made a vow to stay with her for better or worse, richer or poorer, etc. Be a man of your fuckin word and stay with her. YOU made a commitment so you need to stand by it. Only if she doesn't stay faithful to you should you even consider getting divorced. Maybe you need marriage counseling or something but dammit don't get divorced for such a petty reason. If a marriage isn't working the way you want it to, FIX IT... don't just take the easy way out.
Are you planning on having kids, if not now, ever? Can she be the mother of your children? Most women aren't life sucking gold diggers like /b/ says they are. Remember marriage is not just romantic love, its a comradory relationship where y'all help one another. If she's there for you and a faithful women in you, then I think you should stay. You may not realize it but she may have helped build who you are throughout college etc.
If not, and you don't want her to raise kids, be your friend, be always available for you, then do it now and don't wait.
She's easy to get along with and we're personally compatible. We have nothing in common anymore, which isn't so much of a problem for me, but it's still a point to make.
Love is chemical, and it changes with time. I'm sure anyone who's married for a significant amount of time can confirm this. I'd consider my wife my friend, but I don't believe I'm obligated to to bind my life to hers because of that.
>Best decision would be to talk to her about that (really the best for you)
It's a decision I'll have to make. She won't want it, and it's not smart for me to put ideas of divorce in her head before I'm ready to initiate it. Unfortunately the best way to divorce her will be to blindside her with it, after I have everything in order. Quick and clean like a bandaid, and with as little chance as possible that she'll legally out-maneuver me (though I doubt that's likely).
Another decision I'll have to make is what I'll leave her with. We have a prenup, which should hold up under current circumstances (though it's a gamble in the future), so I think it will be up to me to decide what she'll leave the marriage with. She isn't at all successful, so most of everything is mine. But if I'm going to leave her, I have to do it before time passes and the stakes rise, because the prenup may not be worth the paper it's printed on later.
>>603748125 Love is not logical. Love is not about finance, or legallity. One cannot begin to speak about one's woman in such terms, she is not a trophy wife, she is your lover, there are no strategic plays involved when speaking of true love, if you do not love her, then dump the bitch and move on, is as simple as that.
>>603748125 Why don't you try talking to your wife about your concerns? I mean fuck, you say you had a great marriage you should at least be able to communicate with her. Give her a chance to step up her game before just divorcing her like an ass.
No, getting divorced is the easy way out. The hard way to go is for both of them to work at it, to put forth the effort to fix the marriage. I can guarantee that if he does put forth the effort and saves the marriage, and if the wife does too, then they will both be better people for it.
OP here. I'm a realist. People take what they feel they're owed, and they feel they're owed what they're told they have a right to. It's a very large risk for me to put my wife in a position where she's "owed" a small fortune and has the capability of putting a wrench in my plans. This risk, it seems, isn't worth it.
Yes, I am selfish about my own life. My life is important to me just as yours is important to you, just as my wife's is important to her. Everyone is selfish to an extent. I have no obligation to prioritize another person's desire for wealth over my own, wouldn't you agree?
>>603752341 OP is a coward, man up and see if this relationship can be repaired. You sound like a little bitch complaining about nothing. My parents have been through way tougher shit than your bitch ass and there still here today. If you can't stand with her just for a little annoyance then maybe you dont deserve her.
He isn't leaving her because he is about to "make it." He said that he is leaving her due to her lack of ambition and complacency for the past few years. He is driven. She is not. For someone focused on career, having a spouse that is not equally contributing or at least trying is like carrying an unnecessary dead weight. Moreover, let us not pretend that women have anything outside of parasitic love. The only reason she has stuck by his side is because she saw that she got a "good catch." If he had failed or lost steam it is likely she would have jumped ship, especially if financial obligation started coming her way. Women love what suits them. Their love is fickle like a child's. As long as they're being taken care of or spoiled they're fine. The second you say "no" or want them to be responsible it is a shit storm. This whole idea of "falling out of love" is a concept women spit daily because they never had true selfless love to begin with.
In short, bro leave her ass. The military calls this type of wife a "dependapotamus."
Best case scenario, she is a late bloomer and your support will allow her to flower and she'll feel obligated enough to stay with you after.
Worst case, she becomes bitter of your success, annoyed at your absence, cheats, makes your life hell, puts you through years of emotional distress, then finally divorces you for half your empire.
Do you feel that her being less accomplished is holding you back? If everything else is the marriage is fine why let that be essentially money be the thing to hurt yourself and her? I think the better question is are you happy with her? Would you feel better with someone with the same drive as you, that would be willing to leave you if you if she passed you up on the economic stand point? Honestly op if you love her and she loves you and feels in every other aspect of your marriage why consider a divorce because she feel short financially? That is almost expected. It's okay and awesome you feel proud of yourself of your accomplishments but there is a limit.
>>603748125 I'm in my early 20s and not married, and I can objectively see your point, and reading other peoples horror stories about people working themselves to death to support a bitter bitch of a wife makes me never want to get married lol.
But if you're actually going into the big league, with big money, do you really think that's a concern for you? I'm just saying I can see the upside to being married to a dependent wife if I was incredibly successful and I still loved her. It'd just be kind of nice to have the nuclear family, with the wife that wants to stay at home raising the kids, coming home to a cooked meal. Being her entire world you get to bounce around your thoughts and ideas, you're not listening to her bitch about her shitty day at the office...
I'm being a little idealistic I know, but that's what I imagine I'd be weighing up against divorcing her if I was in your situation.
>>603748125 This may sound harsh but file for divorce now! Become legally separated now! Her "portions" to what you own and have worked for stop the day you are legally separated.
So... any pay bump etc... she is not entitled to. take it from someone who has been there... supported a woman, put her through two college degrees that were her passion etc.
She used me and is sitting pretty for it since I thought I was doing right by her and taking care of her. Women don't see it that way.
If you are not feeling it now.... get out. the longer you take, the more she accrues. Most states are 7 plus years. Most times before that... it is minimal unless we are talking heaps of money.
Get legally separated and then hash out the rest. I am sure that as soon as you do so, she will kiss your ass and try and become what you want. Once she has you back... it goes back to the way it was. if she doesn't get you back... you will see her true colors and see how all of a sudden she is "entitled" to everything you own and make.
As much as you may be working in the corporate world...does she work at home? Is the house clean? Is there dinner ready when you get home? Is the laundry done? Your suits dry cleaned? Errands run? Groceries purchased? Is the fridge stocked with your favorites? The the house smell nice when you return? Does she meet you when you get home?
If she is maintaining the home, then she is working and keeping up with you. If she will make a good mother then use that and have kids.
A good housewife is hard to find, and it does take work and ambition to be a good house wife.
Married fag reporting in. You guys could consider counseling and find out the reason why she isn't so motivated. Some people fail and there is no one to comfort them when they do. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone fails, but the beauty of it is that we can pick ourselves up and give it another go. Motivate your wife and give her reassurance that everything will be ok.
I am in sort of the same situation but different. Worked overseas, made a shit-ton of cash. Started going to Thailand, met a whore who was not like other whores other than selling the pussy to pay the bills for her parents there. Talked on phone/skype/email for couple years plus visiting every 4 months. Eventually quit work, move there and live for 2 years to "test" the waters of living with whore. Works out well. Bring her back to America. Hangout for couple of years traveling the states, spending money and getting blowjobs in almost every state. Go broke, go back to work and I get her pregnant. Kid now 5, in school and I'm still working but not making the 30k a month like before. Making normal cash that supports us but nothing more. Feel like she needs to either A, get a job and help out so we have more money left over or B, get a job and help out so we have more money left over, I love her and the kid just tired of coming home rinse and repeating.
OP here. She just hasn't done well in life. Her personality is find and she doesn't give me any problems, but she's unsuccessful and has made poor decisions towards having a career. It's clear to me at this point that this is just who she is. She's happy as she is and that isn't something I have any business changing about her.
I don't view marriage and love as a romantic comedy movie. Life, to me, is a practical endeavor. I don't believe telling my wife the facts displayed in this thread would be useful, as it will only hurt her and put her on the defensive in the divorce. Instead when I'm ready to end it, I'll just end it quickly and with a plan, just as I've done everything else in my life.
I have no negative feelings towards with my wife. If I divorce her I hope she finds her way in life and some kind of success. But there's a point where I need to consider if carrying her up the ladder with me is something I'm willing to gamble. I don't think it is. I think I need to do this alone.
>>603753721 >But also, is she a good homemaker? Yeah I wanna know this too OP
If you're successful and she's an awesome homemaker and loving supportive wife then I don't see what the problem is. I think it's fine for it to go the other way as well, Ayn Rand supported her struggling artist husband for a number of years apparently.
You're experiencing resentment and that's very damaging in a marriage. You can't expect her to handle every situation exactly how you would as she is a different person. You need to stop doing that. If you divorce her, remember you're the fool who made a promise to her and decided to back out cause it got hard. Just because she doesn't have some high earning job, does not mean she can't be every bit as valuable to you. My wife got pregnant and severely depressed. I ended up having to take care of her, myself, and my job where I'm more or less solely responsible for keeping my company stock from crashing. She wouldn't do anything or talk to anyone. She'd say terrible things about me but obviously not mean them. I stayed stern because I'm not going to take abuse. But I also stayed loving cause I knew she wasn't in her right mind. Sure I thought how easy it'd be if she wasn't there anymore, but I made a promise to her and marriage is a sacrifice. Both partners will go through hard times and both partners have to give up some of their good for the good of each other. Even if you think she's not making up her end of that bargain, give it time and realize you can never completely understand her situation.
>>603748125 I'm in a similar boat. I've got a good college degree, I'm good at what I do, and I'm making a hell of a lot of money doing it. I make several times what she makes, and her career ambitions don't extend much further than "I work for the health insurance" and "I'd like to be a stay-at-home mother".
We don't need the money she brings in, I make more than enough myself, but her company does have better health insurance benefits so she stays there. I also keep telling her that she would be bored and miserable staying at home all day, especially when the kids are in school (I want them to be out in the world socializing, and not just staying home all day).
I stay with her because I do love her, she's great with the kids, she has big tits and she sucks a mean dick (she actually enjoys it and asks for it).
If your wife makes you happy, supports you, and keeps your dick wet, then I don't see a reason to leave her. A career-oriented woman might not have time or motivation at the end of the day to do any of those things.
I don't think the modern concept of stay at home wives are a good idea. They need to be involved in something and have responsibilities which they'll get called on if they fail. The idea that wives can choose between staying home or working is poorly framed choice since it doesn't place any responsibly on work which produces results.
I've heard of stay at home Moms who still bring their kids to day care, and with all the conveniences of modern times I have to wonder what they do all day. I honestly do think they slack because it doesn't take a full time job's time anymore to tend a home and family.
>>603748125 As a divorced person, I'm telling you to decide carefully. think long and hard about the things you take for granted. Understand that other women will be different in good and bad ways. I see it as a gamble to drop her now because of this.
>>603755597 Agreeing with this As a rich trust fund baby, I've dated ghetto as fuck girls and daughters of fortune 500 companies. You gotta look at how much you enjoy being around them and if you feel lucky to have such a good spirited/whatever attributes you like in your spouse.
If the only attributes you like are ambition and success, you're going to have a hard time finding that in a spouse. Power couples historically have a lot of difficulty, specifically with competition between one another. It's OK to have a spouse that doesn't make as much, or makes significantly more money.
Marry someone you'll look forward to meeting for dinner, not someone you would want to sign a contract with
If she is as good as you say (as a person), then one of four things will happen in the long run.
>You stay with her. She ends up being your lifelong partner and never does anything to actually hold you back and gives you nothing but love and support.
>She stays with you but holds you back. Worst case, she turns into a gold digger and slowly plans your financial demise.
>You leave her and she is devastated by the seemingly random separation. You leave a good woman behind, and she may be scarred for life because of it.
>You leave her and it ends up being a good decision, because she is secretly a freeloading bitch and never planned to move forward.
Which one is more likely? You should be able to tell because you know her better. Really, it's your choice. If I knew that I was with a good woman and that she'd probably never fuck with my career and life in general, I'd keep her despite the inherent risks. But that's just me, and I'm biased because I went through a bad breakup recently and feel like I just need a good woman in my life for once.
>>603757672 I don't agree with marriage really but OP does. My point was he's being a little bitch and breaking his word over such shit really shows his measure of a man. It's what it says about him more than what it says about marriage.
I also think he has a case of "grass is greener" syndrome going on cause by the sounds of it his wife seems pretty okay. This isn't fairytale shit, this is real life and you hang onto someone that is a good partner.
>>603759227 I personally wouldnt stay with a woman just because shes a good home maker child rearer. To my opinion a relationship last as long as either of the parties want. With a common goal or goals in mind and sticking to them. I personally think OP was a bit young getting married amd now hes paid for it
>>603757399 By not understanding that your perceptions don't align with the common understanding of a concept. This fags idea of affection sounds as warm and caring as me packing the dishwasher. He has no fucking clue. He is the autist everyone avoids in the kitchen at the office. He is what we call a cock and I pity anyone that needs to be around him.
220k job here, with loving wife recently made redundant.happy for her to study or whatever while she sorts her shit out. Not even my business
>>603748125 If you're going to be making good money have you considered keeping her as a housewife? I make enough money that my wife doesn't need to work and she raises the kids and homeschools them, which, honestly, is pretty much a full time job in itself. We didn't need the extra money and the benefit of her teaching the kids and spending time carrying for them is worth far more than she could ever hope to make in the work force.
That said, if you don't think she'd be a caring mother, our just really don't love her, then don't tie yourself (and her) down in a bad situation.
If you feel like you need the extra income that a woman in a high paying profession would make, then that's your choice, but I would earn that chasing that particular ideal is very likely going to be tremendously unsatisfying.
They say money can't buy happiness, but a certain amount sure does go a long way to smoothing out relationships and life in general. You may need to assess what that amount is for you.
>>603748125 Last year I dumped my girlfriend (luckily we wasnt married) to pursue my personal interest and career, I'd never ever done anything comparable to what I did if I didn't. >music industry You've lot of years to live and lot of people to meet, if she aint giving you a bit of stimulation, intellectual or physical well you already have your answer.
>>603759227 >see>>603754893 OP seems to only value hard work and success. He's literally saying she's failed to succeed in a career and thus failed as his wife. So he's not going to gamble any more time on being married to what he sees as a failure. OP doesn't want a fairytale. He'll most likely wind up being the cuck husband of some cut throat business woman, and if that's who he is then that's what's best for him, and his soon to be ex wife. She deserves to be with someone who has better values.
>>603757831 I'm not married. I don't even know if I want to get married, but if the only point to life is money, why bother? I work as an EMT because I enjoy helping people. Currently working on medical school, because again, I like helping people. I don't know how you can just judge everything monetarily, there are somethings worth more than money. For example, i'd cash in every dime to my name to keep my dog for another 10 years with him, but he has less than a month left.
>>603748125 >>603748125 Sounds like someone I know. Been together forever, he's doing great, she's lagging behind, they just had a kid, and they've been going to counselling for some time now. Marriage is going to shit, but beyond that they don't share a lot of the details.
>>603752569 >. I have no obligation to prioritize another person's desire for wealth over my own, wouldn't you agree? I mean, bro, that's what marriage is. Right? Part of you knew going into this she would be like this. That's the thing. It sounds like you have a good relationship, but part of you expects more. If you do, you NEED to talk to her about it, or this is a one-sided argument you can't possibly be talked out of.
>>603748125 I honestly and truly believe, and I'm not trying to be mean here, that you should kill yourself. You sound like the most stuck up, miserable and pathetic creature in the world. That you've allowed money and influence to corrupt you to such a level that you'd be willing to break a vow you've made which is to be for the rest of your life means that the life you currently have is now without worth. Kill yourself and do everyone around you a favor. I sincerely hope you read this and don't dismiss it as a troll and more importantly take my advice.
>>603752569 you view wealth as what society makes you believe wealth is: money. Maybe that's the only think society can really portray as something that's important, i don't know exactly, it's a very simple thing money. you think you are very autonomous and selfish but you're only ruled by the outside world. you're only norm is money, and everything in your life is measured by what values you perceive society signals to you.
>>603748125 I dont think there is anything wrong with two people growing apart but to say its due to your success sounds kinda shitty to me. Although I would say I am not one to compete in this rat race of life not really concerned for going for gold but more happy if I make a good impact on my friends, family and people I meet. Life isnt all about the money.
eh. if you guys love eachother and are best friends then that is hard to find.
if you know she'll have your best interests in mind even when you're not around then it's special.
if not then move the fuck on.
currently in a relationship of 7 years. thinking of moving on. we don't click anymore. I'm making an effort to rekindle but she's putting forth minimal effort or doesn't give a fuck. so yeah...ready to move out and fly solo again come spring. sad shit. we both work and support ourselves. I love her but I'm tired of bullshit.
Nobody so great needs advice from this ass hole of a place. So I doubt what true by whatever. You should already know every choice has consequences. You have obviously already moved on, and believe you 100% better than said wife. Do everybody a favor and leave her quickly. Only an asshole keeps people around him he feel superior to out of shame or nostalgia. To be honest if you weren't already a pussy faggot trap cock sucking looser, you would never have gotten to where you are in your shitty marriage
>>603757672 OP didn't have to marry but he did it anyway. He took an oath, and religious or not, it makes him a shitty and dishonest person if he breaks it. Religion isn't controlling anyone. I think marriage is stupid and at the point in life I'm at right now, I don't think I'll ever get married. I have nothing but disrespect for anyone who does go through with marriage, though, and then backs out. OP swore in front of his family to stay with that girl and now he's backing out because he's scared she'll hold him back. He doesn't even know that she will yet, and I don't think that's really why he's backing out. I think OP is just a scared little child on the inside and has built up emotional "walls" to keep himself from getting hurt. That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if he stayed single, but he didn't, and now those walls are getting between him and his wife. They always were there, really, but it's just now setting in......
I think OP is a terrible person if he divorces his wife over this. You didn't have to marry her, OP, but you did it anyway.
Either way, happiness isn't about money or anything like that. At the end of the day, you'll be happier if you stay with this woman, OP. You won't find anyone better.
OP here. If not for your baseless insults and negativity towards my life ambitions, you would have a fairly accurate post about my character. Unfortunately you're answering with emotion and assumptions, and decided to chop your own credibility straight down as you went on.
Yes, having a driven and hard working partner is important to me, and yes, their ability to succeed matters to me. My wife fails more than she succeeds, and she makes choices which are objectively poor but subjectively fulfilling to herself personally. This is fine for some people and I don't presume to be an authority over who she can and cannot be. As I said, I have no negative feelings towards her. She is who she is, and she happens to be someone who fails at the greater goal while thriving in small victories and being content. I just feel that isn't for me.
She would cut her hours in half to attain a personal dream of hers while I would work myself to the bone and do anything it took to win. We are both beasts, and she's far above the average person, but we're beasts of different natures. This wasn't so apparent during college, where our talks of ambition seemed aligned. Over time, it's clear the nature of her ambitions are vastly different from mine. I pursue the hard structure of society and industry, and she pursues life as a canvas to be painted on.
Her professional failures and inability to make good on greater goals, as a matter of her character and motivations, aren't palatable to my plans for the future. I don't have the time or focus to try to change her, nor would I want to. There's nothing wrong with her. She's just not compatible with my plans for the future.
She smells the flowers while I step over them to get to my next meeting. I am no "cuck". Quite the opposite. I'm the guy who sees the bigger picture and isn't afraid to knock over a few pawns to capture the king. I want a wife who takes out the bishop and helps make that happen.
This is all you need to know for your answer. If you don't love her with 100% of every fiber in your body then you need to either FIX THAT SHIT or END IT. It's not fair to either of you to keep staying in a relationship like that.
>>603758936 >cant you both live separate work lives and come home at the end of the day and jst be together and enjoy one anothers company?
OP here. This is what we've done, and it's been fine. But it's not going to be good enough. If I'm going to be married, I want more. I want a wife who will contribute to the success of the union and increase my possibilities in life. Nothing less.
>>603768713 But the thing is, he married her. They literally swore that they would stay together through good times and bad. Love isn't a burning passion that lasts forever and I don't think that's obscure knowledge. If OP wasn't a retard he would realize that sometimes things just don't work out perfectly and that eventually he wouldn't be 100% happy that he got married. But he didn't. He thought it would all be perfect, and now that it isn't, he wants to quit.
Anyone who divorces someone on a lack of basis like this is a shitty and dishonest person and should not be trusted.
I'm certainly more accomplished than you. And my driven nature is a big reason for that. Our difference in opinion is precisely why you're down there and I'm up here. And being up here certainly seems right to me.
I'm you in 15 years. Knocked up my gf right after high school. The plan was for me to go to college then when I finished she would go. She never went. She never got a job. She never volunteers anywhere. She is a dependapotomus of the nth degree.
Meanwhile I earned an engineering degree, attained six-figure position by age 25, attained professional license, started consulting, got fit, and am working on my masters.
She's pretty cool and we get along but we both know that divorce is imminent once the kids are grown. Right now I couldn't afford to divorce her and she could even manage a poverty level lifestyle on her own with or without the kids.
On top of that, we just look at the world differently. She is fine with floating along, failing, having life directed by others. I always need challenge, opportunity, and growth. She watches Netflix and horror films. I read classics and watch documentaries. I lift weights and run. She wears out furniture.
If you don't have kids, get out now. Its best for both of you. Somewhere there is a loser for her and a short skirt / long jacket for you. You will all be happier.
>>603769527 You don't *need* money. Unless it's your dream to snort mountains of cocaine every day (or even better, boulders of crack), there's really no reason to have ridiculous amounts of money laying around.
You already make enough to support both of you, so why do you need more? Success and money are a great dragon to chase, but that's all they are. If you hurt your wife because she got in the way of you catching your dragon, you're no better than a drug addict hurting their friends and family to get drugs.
>>603770153 Kind of. If you make a promise like that to that many people, you can count on it affecting everyone's opinion of you very negatively. It makes you a liar and untrustworthy to lie like that. If you don't want to risk getting stuck in an obligation like that you shouldn't get married. It's that simple. You don't *have* to marry someone, ever. Some people may say they'll leave you if you don't marry them, but all that would tell me that you aren't marriage material anyway.
Unless your partner cheats on your or gives you some actual reason to think that there will be a problem with your relationship, you're obligated to stay with them. You won't always be happy all the time in any relationship with anyone. That's just the way it is.. You can't just go breaking oaths because you're having a bad day/week/month/year/life.. You can actually, but it makes you a shitty person
>>603752119 Disagree. The notion of being head over heels in love with a lifelong partner is a Disneyesque fairy tail. There's a reason they usually fade to black after the wedding.
The couples I know that have stayed married into their 60s, 70s, and 80s don't seem overly romantic when I'm around, and sometimes they roll their eyes at the other about something, but they're partners, they count on one another, they help one another, literally in times of sickness and health.
The folks I know who threw away a 5 year marriage after college generally remarried two or three years later, and divorced again a few years after that, then married again, etc. It flags you as part idiot, part asshole, but there are other idiots and who will ignore the warning signs about your character. If that's the sort of life you aspire to, and you're comfortable with that image, go for it.
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