Currently sitting on the toilet with the biggest shit imaginable

>>602847967
put sharpie in pooper

Forceps, then pull

Use lube on your asshole. Stretch it as wide as you can and then push like there's no tomorrow. Should do the trick.

triceps

Feet up on stool relax pushing is bad mkay

...

>>602847967
squat on toilet seat

>>602847967
Ravage your ass with a dragon dildo to loosen it up.

use explosives

>>602847967
get some lube, real lube, and maybe do something to loosen your asshole first as well, something to use as a large makeshift buttplug, essentially.

call for help

>>602847967

Get something you can use to squirt water in your ass. It'll help.

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Mcgyver an enema with a turkey baister and some watered down ky jelly. Or just use an enema kit if available

get your boyfriend to suck it out

One day I was taking omeprazole. I never realized side effects until my shit gone very hard.
So on office restroom
> shit is hard half way 20 minutes. Don't exit and don't go back
Fuck I decided to push with hand. It worked was like stone.
The problem is my fingers smell for a week and the force I done gave me lifetime hemorrhoids

If I get dubs you push as hard as you can until it comes out.

>>602847967

Get Vaseline. Get a big ass dollop on your middle finger and jam that fucker in there, shoving as much of the grease in as you can. Lube your asshole up well.

After that, wait a little while and it should slide right out.

Or, use an oil based enema.

>>602848885
kek

try eating some fucking vegetables once in a while, jew.

ho to the hospital they will give you a suppository witch after use it will fly out of u.

>>602847967
don't be a fucking pussy OP, don't ruin it, don't soften it. I want to see it in it's full unadulterated form.

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well this has potential...

>>602847967
Use a tablespoon and start digging. you just have to get a bit out and the rest will follow. Quick and painless.

You don't want to know how I know.

Give birth to that motherfucker. Push OP you little bitch.

>>602849002
>suppository witch
>witch
Kek

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>>602847967
Be a fucking man and shit that monster out.

>Pussy

>>602849353
Oh but we do anon, we do...

>Greentext pls

>>602849002
>suppository witch
>it will fly out of u.

Yeah OP, go get a witch at the hospital, stick it in your ass and it'll collect all of the poop and fly out on its broomstick

>>602847967
Shove a finger up there and mash it up.

No seriously. Why not? Nobody will fucking know.

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my advise is just take it like a man and push it through

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Drink a bottle of magnesium citrate, then stop eating foods that cause your asshole to rip open

I'm legit excited to see if OP can overcome this excremental tribulation. Post that log asap yo.

Lube up?

>OP vs Shit

Place bets.

>>602849678
except you.

>>602849692
That fucking turd has veins...

>no timestamp
OP is a fag

This happened to me once in high school. My parents went out of town for a week and instead of going to the grocery store, I got three pounds of pulled pork and two quarts of macaroni and cheese from my favorite BBQ joint to eat every day.

On day six, I ended up lubing up my hand and trying to pull shit out. It was not a good idea.

Take a mild laxative (stool softener), drink lots of coffee and water, and wait. A day or two of being clogged up won't kill you.

>>602849002

Allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.

Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it�s a peach of cake.

>>602850291
He never said that was his shit, anon.

>>602850451
>doubles advocate
nigga........ LOL

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>>602847967
Insert in pooper.

>>602847967
Do you really want me to come in this thread and make you feel inferior?

>>602850356
Christ, all that powdered cheese acts like an absorbent and coagulates in your colon. Every fucking time. That was not a smart move anon.

>>602849566

> be me
> be 14-15
> summer, no shit for like 4-5 days
> every time I try feels like my ass will explode
> drink water and do all kinds of stuff, but shit is so dry and massive, nothing helps
> went to kitchen, got a table spoon
> got back into toilet and started digging out piece by piece
> after couple of minutes gates to the hell opened and shit erupted out of my asshole and onto my hands
> felt so good like never before, better than sex most of the time
> cleaned up my hands, washed spoon and put it back in drawer
> I bet my parents still use that spoon

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>waiting to see shit
What am I doing with my life.

>>602847967
1. Freeze it.
2. Stab people with it.
3. ????
4. Profit.

The fuck did you eat

>>602850781
You're not alone....

Unbelievable 12.5 Currix!!

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>>602850700

>>602850451
Dubs advocate

>>602850291
OP here

Not my shit on the picture.

Still sitting tight with nothing more than excruciating pain to report. Sent my roomate to get some laxatives, he just had to laugh his shirt of fist. Still open to suggestions. Tried soap as a lube but had to stop cause it burned intensely when it came into contact with the tears.

>>602851088
>cheese string

>>602851117
Too bad it wasn't dubs.

Come on OP blast out the monster!

>>602851017
It's "Courics", as in "Katie Courics".

>>602851088
dubs? must be WINRAR YEAAAHHH

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>>602851088

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>>602851088

>>602850769
Dude, I was just a kid trying to get through my week without eating fruits or vegetables. How was I supposed to know? How?!

>>602850781
You're not alone anon. I'm here, 25, sitting in my room, after taking a shit, waiting to see a shit. I could be doing drugs instead, or at work, instead I'm waiting to see a shit.

>>602851088
Ready the harpoons.

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>>602851212
Ffffuck

>>602850771


>washed spoon and put it back in drawer

You nasty little fuck stick. People like you are the reason why we have so many fucking diseases floating around nowadays.

>>602850769
>>602851322
Additionally, if your BBQ joint uses powdered cheese to make its mac and cheese, you need to find a new BBQ joint.

>>602851311
>number 2
>Looks like a number 2
>2 repeating digits in post

HALF LIFE 3 confirmed.

>>602851408
your fucking mom is a disease, nigger.

I've had a couple like that. Just gotta fucking go man mode and push through the pain. Maybe go do some light work to make your body want it gone more (rake some leaves, sweep the driveway, mop your floor)

One time I was real constipated with a big shit like this I tried prune juice. Bad idea. All I did was fill myself up even more and get that much more miserable and I ended up vomiting while I was sitting there trying to push out the shit and it was one of the worst moments of my life.

>>602851169
But you still have to prove that you're on the toilet or something.

>>602851169
You got this op

>>602850178
Is there a problem with that?

You had to shove your finger in your ass to stop a problem. It's your fucking body. You get shit on your ass all the time. Why do you care if you get shit on your fingers when it's easier to wash it from your fingers?

>>602851336

Well, I'm sitting here doing drugs while waiting to see a shit. Learn 2 multitask.

>>602851408
>implying coliforms arn't killed with warm sopay water

GTFO nigger

>>602850451
>it�s
>it�s
�������������������

Can this now be a constipation story thread.

When I was 14 I went on an exchange trio to Japan, I had to sit next to the teacher on the 15 hour plane ride, she was a sweet lady but a land whale. Getting up was difficult so I only did it once. Two days later of not pooping I found myself in a Tokyo hotel bathroom blasting my asshole with the robot bidet for the better part of 2 hours. No matter the pushing, cringing, tickling, that hunk of cement was not moving. I gathered all my strength and my asshole went Super Saijin 2, moved about 10 inches in .13 seconds. Also yelled really loud and passed out onto the floor. Everyone on the trip heard, in the surrounding rooms, my roommate and the only 2 girls opened the door to check on me. Needless to say I didn't loose my v card on that trip, as I had hoped.

>>602851550


Yeah...this coming from the mother fucking faggot that gave his entire family Hep C. Enjoy hell you fucking nigger.

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get in the bathtub inside the water and try to give yourself an enema. worked for me.

>>602851709
my drugs are in another room, and they will take 10 minutes to prepare. Too much work. Laying in bed feeling satisfied with being a piece of shit atm.

>>602851787

>>602851311
>>602851088
dude, no girth

>>602851408
I bet you lick ass ... Hows that different? :D

Op if it's big enough try pushing on your gooch and force the monster out

>>602847967
Don't push - that is part of your problem. Your body will automatically push it out, so you need to focus on your breathing. Do what hurts the least. In the end, remember that you are a HOMO.

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>>602850451
>taller ants

>>602851750

WTF is sopay? Learn to type faggot.

>>602851487
You're so right it hurts

>>602852268

>Being this ignrant

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>>602850781

Dig it out with your fingers, i used to have to do that all the time

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>>602851898
Hook, line, and sinker.

That's a wrap.

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>>602851169

Dude, laxitives aint gonna do a fucking thing when the shit is already in your fucking colon. They are for when you're having issues getting the shit down past you're large intestine.

SHOVE VASELINE UP YOUR STINK HOLE.
WAIT 10 MINUTES.
SLIDES RIGHT OUT.

You would have been better off having him get you an oil based enema. You jam that up, squeeze, wait 5-10 min, and BLAM, right out.

Call him before he gets to the storte and tell him you want an oil based FLEET enema.

I've been through this a thousand times. I either have massive shits, or diarrhea for weeks. That is until I changed my diet and started eating fiber with my meals, and vegetables.

Do this OP, and it will work.

>>602851720
What kind of toilet is that?

>>602851169
Options:
1. olive/ vegetable oil enema. A little goes a long way.
2. gloves and reach in there to break it up into smaller butthole sized pieces
3. combo of 1 & 2
4. No gloves and mudfinger
5. doctor.

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>>602847967
Try this.

>>602851720
This made up my mind, someone archive this thread

>>602851912

This actually works. You sit in a hot tub for a while and spread 'em. You can actually suck water up there which will eventually soften the poop.

>>602851169

laxatives are only going to help with anything in the future, it aint gonna help the chunk of lead in your gut now. you have to give birth now and post pictures

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>>602852771
Or this.

>>602852733

pretty sure Japanese

>>602850451
comedy gold. The replies too.

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>>602852863
Maybe ask a friend?

>>602851169
>tried soap as lube
>burned intensely
oh, OP. you poor sweet beautiful fool.

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op needs some grafx

>>602852771
>>602852863
>>602852980
Normies pls go.

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>>602852096

>>602850451
Motha fucka is you retarded? None of what you just said is anything correct and it actually pains my brain to think that you could possibly be this fucking retarded. I am literally punching myself in the side of the head to try and believe that you could be this nigger in the way that you speak.

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>>602853098

>>602850451
tl;dr

>>602853163
This wouldnt flush, i have video of hand smashing it so it would go down the toilet.

>>602854035
got webm?

>>602852480
all the time? Jesus.....

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>>602848885

>>602848146
top kek

>>602854195
Working on it

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Op here

Its out....
Dissapointed with the size of it, and i suspect you guys will be too. Sorry to have wasted your time.

>>602852980
What mangas are these from?

>>602854387
yeah. painkillers. finally got on a good laxative so it's not a problem anymore

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>>602854035
Because your toilet is fucking shit, how tight is that hole exactly?

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>>602854035

Why didn't you just use the plunger or the toilet brush????

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>>602853098

>>602854519

girth looks alright though

>>602854519
Still an impressive effort. You should keep it.

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>>602854519

MOVE THE FUCKING PAPER!!

Don't you know how to take a shit pic??

>>602854603
http://www.guromanga.com/read/hell-season/4823/p1

>>602854682
Lmao....that thread was great

>>602854682
do you have the whole collection, i didnt have time to save them all

>>602850451
OP, I think he's trying to say a turd in the hand is worth two in the tush. In other words, use your hand.

>>602851311
>>602851117

pfft you guys dont know shit.
sometimes I take a dump and the entire bowl is filled, you cant see the water. the entire thing is filled with layers upon layers of steaming kaka

>>602854882
this shit was lame, pun intended.

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>>602854902
Only the ones that I contributed. It was archived though.

It will take a crane to get it out

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>>602854519
i can tell how ugly you are by the way your toilet and toilet lid looks. Like, oh you're one of those people that live in that kind of house and have that kind of toilet. The kind of place that when I was a kid and got invited over a friends for the first time and was just completely disappointed and ready to go home before i ever went inside. You're triggering repressed memories I've had and its actually making me gag as I can smell your living quarters right now. Fuck you, OP.

>>602851828
Good story anon, good story. I award you a medal for your service.

>>602854682
can you filedrop it for me please
www filedropper com

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>>602854519
Seems around 3 courics. Not too bad really.

Source: I work for the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Board

>>602855201
shit u got a link to the archive mate?

>>602855092
You mean the horrible floating chunks that look like shit clouds on top of the water, with full greasy swirls and everything, coupled with the sulfurous stench of Satan's own asshole?

>>602855201

Why do you have so many pics of that helmet guy? How long did that thread go on for?

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>>602855417

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>>602855441
http://4archive dot org/b/thread/602634962

What did the constipated mathematician do?

He worked it out with a pencil

>>602849867
Kek

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Harold thread!!

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>>602855678
a couple hours

>>602855482
there is nothing to float my friend, as I said, the pile far surpasses the water level of the bowl. The smell is a heady aroma that almost smells like a mcdonalds

>>602855776
>602855776
nice one mate

>>602855799
top kek nice dubs

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>>602855678
Most of the morning in my time zone.
It was glorious

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I MUST TOLD YOU MY FRIEND A HISTORY OF THE BIGGEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN!
>be me like 15/16y old
>with friend in a trip for some anime event
>stay in friend aunt house
>talking about D&D and shit
>his aunt start telling about that time when she got shit stuck and had to open a hole in the belly to take shit out
>almost 4 am
>friend go to bathroom
>still talk to friend aunt while friend is in the bathroom
>aunt got tired and go sleep
>FUCKING 5 AM
>need to pee so hard
>ask friend whats going on
>he says he is shitting
>at 5:20 am he came out
>omfg the smell
>tell he is a trash eater and go pee
>can't handle the smell
>look in the toilet
>BIGGEST SHIT IN THE WORLD
(Not a long shit but large as fuck, so large it wont flush, it was like a cone a cone with at least 25 cm diameter)
>just WTF
>GET OUT LOOK AT FRIEND
>biggest asshole in the world
>pee in the kitchen sink
MAN I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOME SHIT MORE MOSNTROUS THEN THAT ONE

>>602856120
i am shitposting

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>>602855949
Enjoy anon

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>>602856586

>>602854853
I've not the time to read but isn't this the one where like, everyone, simultaneously, becomes completely incapable of shitting and manages to kill themselves and each other trying to get the shit out?