Currently sitting on the toilet with the biggest shit imaginable inside me. It is in fact so big that when i push it hurts like a mother fucker and I have to stop. My A-hole is now bleeding cause it ripped at my last push. I need some advice on how to get this monster out, and will post picture of the monster when i succed!
Mcgyver an enema with a turkey baister and some watered down ky jelly. Or just use an enema kit if available
One day I was taking omeprazole. I never realized side effects until my shit gone very hard.
So on office restroom
> shit is hard half way 20 minutes. Don't exit and don't go back
Fuck I decided to push with hand. It worked was like stone.
The problem is my fingers smell for a week and the force I done gave me lifetime hemorrhoids
Get Vaseline. Get a big ass dollop on your middle finger and jam that fucker in there, shoving as much of the grease in as you can. Lube your asshole up well.
After that, wait a little while and it should slide right out.
Or, use an oil based enema.
Be a fucking man and shit that monster out.
my advise is just take it like a man and push it through
Drink a bottle of magnesium citrate, then stop eating foods that cause your asshole to rip open
This happened to me once in high school. My parents went out of town for a week and instead of going to the grocery store, I got three pounds of pulled pork and two quarts of macaroni and cheese from my favorite BBQ joint to eat every day.
On day six, I ended up lubing up my hand and trying to pull shit out. It was not a good idea.
Take a mild laxative (stool softener), drink lots of coffee and water, and wait. A day or two of being clogged up won't kill you.
Allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.
Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it�s a peach of cake.
> be me
> be 14-15
> summer, no shit for like 4-5 days
> every time I try feels like my ass will explode
> drink water and do all kinds of stuff, but shit is so dry and massive, nothing helps
> went to kitchen, got a table spoon
> got back into toilet and started digging out piece by piece
> after couple of minutes gates to the hell opened and shit erupted out of my asshole and onto my hands
> felt so good like never before, better than sex most of the time
> cleaned up my hands, washed spoon and put it back in drawer
> I bet my parents still use that spoon
Not my shit on the picture.
Still sitting tight with nothing more than excruciating pain to report. Sent my roomate to get some laxatives, he just had to laugh his shirt of fist. Still open to suggestions. Tried soap as a lube but had to stop cause it burned intensely when it came into contact with the tears.
You're not alone anon. I'm here, 25, sitting in my room, after taking a shit, waiting to see a shit. I could be doing drugs instead, or at work, instead I'm waiting to see a shit.
I've had a couple like that. Just gotta fucking go man mode and push through the pain. Maybe go do some light work to make your body want it gone more (rake some leaves, sweep the driveway, mop your floor)
One time I was real constipated with a big shit like this I tried prune juice. Bad idea. All I did was fill myself up even more and get that much more miserable and I ended up vomiting while I was sitting there trying to push out the shit and it was one of the worst moments of my life.
Is there a problem with that?
You had to shove your finger in your ass to stop a problem. It's your fucking body. You get shit on your ass all the time. Why do you care if you get shit on your fingers when it's easier to wash it from your fingers?
Can this now be a constipation story thread.
When I was 14 I went on an exchange trio to Japan, I had to sit next to the teacher on the 15 hour plane ride, she was a sweet lady but a land whale. Getting up was difficult so I only did it once. Two days later of not pooping I found myself in a Tokyo hotel bathroom blasting my asshole with the robot bidet for the better part of 2 hours. No matter the pushing, cringing, tickling, that hunk of cement was not moving. I gathered all my strength and my asshole went Super Saijin 2, moved about 10 inches in .13 seconds. Also yelled really loud and passed out onto the floor. Everyone on the trip heard, in the surrounding rooms, my roommate and the only 2 girls opened the door to check on me. Needless to say I didn't loose my v card on that trip, as I had hoped.
get in the bathtub inside the water and try to give yourself an enema. worked for me.
Don't push - that is part of your problem. Your body will automatically push it out, so you need to focus on your breathing. Do what hurts the least. In the end, remember that you are a HOMO.
Dude, laxitives aint gonna do a fucking thing when the shit is already in your fucking colon. They are for when you're having issues getting the shit down past you're large intestine.
SHOVE VASELINE UP YOUR STINK HOLE.
WAIT 10 MINUTES.
SLIDES RIGHT OUT.
You would have been better off having him get you an oil based enema. You jam that up, squeeze, wait 5-10 min, and BLAM, right out.
Call him before he gets to the storte and tell him you want an oil based FLEET enema.
I've been through this a thousand times. I either have massive shits, or diarrhea for weeks. That is until I changed my diet and started eating fiber with my meals, and vegetables.
Do this OP, and it will work.
1. olive/ vegetable oil enema. A little goes a long way.
2. gloves and reach in there to break it up into smaller butthole sized pieces
3. combo of 1 & 2
4. No gloves and mudfinger
Motha fucka is you retarded? None of what you just said is anything correct and it actually pains my brain to think that you could possibly be this fucking retarded. I am literally punching myself in the side of the head to try and believe that you could be this nigger in the way that you speak.
Dissapointed with the size of it, and i suspect you guys will be too. Sorry to have wasted your time.
Because your toilet is fucking shit, how tight is that hole exactly?
Why didn't you just use the plunger or the toilet brush????
MOVE THE FUCKING PAPER!!
Don't you know how to take a shit pic??
pfft you guys dont know shit.
sometimes I take a dump and the entire bowl is filled, you cant see the water. the entire thing is filled with layers upon layers of steaming kaka
Only the ones that I contributed. It was archived though.
i can tell how ugly you are by the way your toilet and toilet lid looks. Like, oh you're one of those people that live in that kind of house and have that kind of toilet. The kind of place that when I was a kid and got invited over a friends for the first time and was just completely disappointed and ready to go home before i ever went inside. You're triggering repressed memories I've had and its actually making me gag as I can smell your living quarters right now. Fuck you, OP.
Seems around 3 courics. Not too bad really.
Source: I work for the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Board
You mean the horrible floating chunks that look like shit clouds on top of the water, with full greasy swirls and everything, coupled with the sulfurous stench of Satan's own asshole?
http://4archive dot org/b/thread/602634962
Most of the morning in my time zone.
It was glorious
I MUST TOLD YOU MY FRIEND A HISTORY OF THE BIGGEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN!
>be me like 15/16y old
>with friend in a trip for some anime event
>stay in friend aunt house
>talking about D&D and shit
>his aunt start telling about that time when she got shit stuck and had to open a hole in the belly to take shit out
>almost 4 am
>friend go to bathroom
>still talk to friend aunt while friend is in the bathroom
>aunt got tired and go sleep
>FUCKING 5 AM
>need to pee so hard
>ask friend whats going on
>he says he is shitting
>at 5:20 am he came out
>omfg the smell
>tell he is a trash eater and go pee
>can't handle the smell
>look in the toilet
>BIGGEST SHIT IN THE WORLD
(Not a long shit but large as fuck, so large it wont flush, it was like a cone a cone with at least 25 cm diameter)
>GET OUT LOOK AT FRIEND
>biggest asshole in the world
>pee in the kitchen sink
MAN I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOME SHIT MORE MOSNTROUS THEN THAT ONE
I've not the time to read but isn't this the one where like, everyone, simultaneously, becomes completely incapable of shitting and manages to kill themselves and each other trying to get the shit out?