Give me your worst jokes /b/ OFFEND ME FAGGOTS I DARE YOU
A girl asks her friend how her weekend was: "Oh I ended up having sex..." "What was it like?" "A bit like the Olympics 100m final." "He finished in under ten seconds?" "No - it was ten black guys and a gun."
not fucked up but i love it
A priest hooks a huge fish. Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!" "Hey, mind your language!" says the priest. Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called - it's a Fucker fish" Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church. "Look at this huge fucker" says the priest, spotting the bishop. "Language please! This is God's house" replies the bishop. "No, no - that's what this fish is called" says the priest. "Oh" says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner". So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior. "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her. "My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked. "No, sister that's what the fish is called - a fucker" says the bishop. Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says "Wonderful, I'll cook that fucker tonight, the Pope is coming for dinner!" The fish tastes just great and the Pope asks where they got it. "Well, I caught the fucker!" says the priest. "And I cleaned the fucker!" says the bishop. "And I cooked the fucker!" says the mother superior. The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says "You know what? You cunts are alright".
The Aristocrats joke told by Doug Stanhope is pretty fucked/hilarious
never heard that one before. much kek, anon.
When I was a teenager, I used to pray every night that the girl next door would fancy me so that I could make love to her.
When I grew up, I realised that God didn't work like that, so I raped her and prayed for forgiveness.
it would be funnier if Ethiopian food wasn't so damn delicious.
...must be why they ate all of it back home.
I would laugh, but misogyny is wrong.
And being wrong is for women.
How do you get a nigger out the tree?
>cut the rope
What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?
>a pizza doesn't scream in an oven
What's a nigger in an air balloon?
Why do the showers in Auschwitz have 11 holes?
>because jews have 10 fingers.
Its purple and women will cry when they see it.
>a dead baby
A black woman gets an abortion and is given a medal. Why?
>For preventing a future crime
What do you get when you slice a baby's throat with a boxcutter?
How was copper wire invented?
>Two Jews fighting over a penny
What do you say when you wake up at night and your TV is floating?
What do you say when you wake up at night and your fridge is floating?
>nothing. That's one big nigger!
A french man goes into a restaurant and asks the waiter for a cordon bleu. After a bite he calls the waiter again and says "What the hell is this? It tastes horrible! This is not cordon bleu, more like cordon BLAAAGH. Ha ha ha.
A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter. "My god, your 11 year old is sexually active!" the pharmacist exclaims. The dad replies "not really, she just lies there and cries."
Theres maybe 15 decent black comedians, kevin hart is a black dane cook, he stinks and im fucking sick of black comedians inability to talk about anything other than race all the time "black man do dis, wite man do dat!" fucking hack comedy
That is... very fucking funny.
Completely new to me as well.
>>602849723 (extra kek)
So, I am making a text note file called "Offensive jokes".
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A sandy hook survivor.
Who are the fastest readers?
The people who jumped on 9/11. A hundred stories in 4 seconds.
in a three floor apartment live three families. On the first a white family. In the second a black family. On the third a mexican family. One day it burns down. Who lived and why?
The white family because they were at work.
Whats similar about sperm and noggers?
Only one in a million work.
Like he said in What Dreams May Come, It's about NOT giving u...
>>Bigger doesnt mean better, or more witty, profound, great more people know who chris rock is, probably cause hes still alive. Not saying rock sucks but hes certainly not on par with carlins creativity
A guys walking along a beach when he hears the sound of a woman crying.
He approaches the sound to find that its coming from an armless, legless woman.
He walks up to the woman and asks: "Miss, why are you crying?"
She says: "I have no arms, and no legs, and I have never been hugged before in my life"
So the man picks the woman up, gives her a great big hug.
"Well, you've been hugged now"
He hears the woman sobbing again, so he comes back:
"Miss, why are you crying?"
"I have no arms, or legs, and have never been kissed before in my life"
So the man picks her up, gives her a big kiss
"Well, you've been kissed now"
While hes walking away she starts crying again, so the man walks up to the woman again:
"Miss, why are you crying?"
"I have no arms, or legs, and I've never been fucked before"
So the man picks her up, throws her in the ocean, and yells:
"WELL YOU'RE FUCKED NOW"
priest, a rabbi and a lawyer are on a plane with three boyscouts. the pilot dies and there's only 3 parachutes. they begin arguing about who gets them.
"we should save the children" Says the Kike Teacher
"Fuck the children!" says the Lawyer
"Think we got time?" Says the priest
the nigger mother is sitting home watching tv all day when this new commercial comes on, "washing powder gets any thing white in seconds" she hurry to the shop and buys a dosen, then goes home and fills up the tub and takes a bath afterwards she is all white gets her husband and makes him white as well then they get their son, but he refuses to get in and then the dad yells "You can't be white more than 5 minutes before you have problems with the blacks!"
Miss Johnson had a little game she would play with the students in her English class every week. She would give them a
word, have them spell it, and then use it in a sentence. So when it came to little Johnny she says, "Johnny your word is
urinate." Johnny says, u-r-I-n-a-t-e. Miss Johnson says, "very good Johnny, now use that in a sentence." Johnny says,
"Miss Johnson,urinate, if you had any tits you would be a 10."