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help /b/, i -no joke- have a dildo stuck up my ass. i don't

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 196
Thread images: 30

help /b/, i -no joke- have a dildo stuck up my ass. i don't want to go to the hospital, that'd be embarrassing as fuck.
wat do
>>
>>600676942
post a pic with timestamp, i need to see it before i can tell u what to do
>>
just do a lil poo
>>
why didnt you get a dildo with a flared base?
>>
>>600676942

Are you a guy?
>>
>>600676942
How deep is it?
>>
im gonna need to see a pic with timestamp and your feet before I can help. I have experience with this problem but I need to see before I can advise.
>>
Pic with timestamp or no help at all. Nursing faculty reporting in.
>>
Friend of mine works the anal ward, just go in they get this daily.
>>
>>600676942
Hospitals get some really weird shit, it probably wouldn't be a big deal
>>
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>>600677125
i don't have access to any cameras atm, but i have a picture of it from the mfr. website
>>
get a syringe type object and put some olive oil inside of your ass, it might lube it up enough for you to push it out
>>
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>>600676942
gr8 b8 m8 i r8 8/8
>>
>>600676942
Pull it out.
>>
rope > car > drive
>>
Push.
>>
this might sound weird but....

1. you need to find the biggest fuker you can find and put it up ur bum

2.Make urself gape like you have never gaped before

3. Stand up.


If your problem isnt fixed now then I cant help you
>>
tug of war? asshole v mom
>>
Drink a glass of metamucil and take exlax.
>>
>>600677379
pull water to your ass and then try to shit it out, it will help
>>
I could tell you but id have to see it first. get a camera and stop being a little bitch
>>
do not do this again my friend i am dodctor
>>
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>>600677690
>>
Go to drugstore
get laxative
poop around it
>>
get your mom to pull it out with some kitchen tongs
>>
This is 4chan.. You can be whatever you want sir.
>>
Serious reply now. Enema. Do squats.

?????????
Profit.
>>
Go to a doctor. They see way worse shit anyway. At least what you have up your butt was made for being stuck in holes.
>>
>>600677823
Laxatives and karo syrup
>>
>>600677820
i am seriosu i am india dodctor i was told 2 com here by one of my patietshs who did same thing and he sahid this palace told him two
>>
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>>600676942
OP here, I just pushed it ultra hard along with using 4 fingers to spread my asshole and it came flying out my ass onto the floor

sadly it broke in half when it hit the floor, gonna have to buy a new one

thanks for the help guys
>>
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>>600676942
Let it go
>>
Watch the show "Sex sent me to the ER" there's more ducked up shot tan this doctors deal with?
>>
stick some rope up your ass to entangle the dildo and then lasso it out like a real cowgirl
>>
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>>600678082
>>
>>600678094
very gud my freind i am most happy wit u
>>
>>600678094
get one with a bigger base so this doesn't happen again.
>>
i once had a carrot stuck in it for three days before i went to the doctor

probably one of the most embarrassing minutes of my life, if not the most embarrassing.

it's fine though, the proctologist said they get people with dildoes or vegetables multiple times a week.
>>
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Just go in after it
>>
>>600678375
he said this to make you feel better, but it's not true. proctology student here.
>>
use a coat hanger to fish it out.
>>
>>600678499

lel
>>
>>600676942
how stuck is it?
what happened?
>>
>>600676942
Go to a hospital far away from where you live.
>>
>>600678714
>what happened?
Clearly it was lying around after his gf had used it, he came out of the shower naked, slipped and fell on it.
>>
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>>600676942
>>
>>600676942
do what the police do in a cavity search, squat and cough
>>
post a video on how you got it stuck, and I will tell you how to reverse the effects.
>>
>>600676942
op confirmed a faggot
>>
Use the vacuum
>>
>>600676942
How about, fuck of /b/ you cancerous fuck?
>>
>>600678905
i don't understand how it got stuck though, did he just put it in too deep and has sphincter closed around it?

we need either a photo or a description of exactly what kind of stuck it is before we can help the situation
>>
>>600678094
Not the real OP.
I'm OP and it still in there good.
I'm thinking about putting glue on the end of my other dildo and pushing it up till its sets so I can pull them both out as one.
Thoughts?
>>
>>600678905
i'm bi, i like things in my ass
>>
>>600679306
I agree, photo is needed to save your life, and your sweet little butthole.
>>
>>600677379
won't do, this is a medical situation and we're going to need an actual pic, with timestamp, shoe on head or sharpie in pooper.

I am a self-proclaimed proctologist and anal cavity exploration enthusiast, I know what I'm talking about
>>
>>600679360
Are you sure you don't want to go with the slipping and falling?

It's less embarrassing than 'I shoved it up there'
>>
>>600679345
that's dumb, and it's either going to get on your skin or just push the dildo further up

do this:>>600678409

lots of lube and stretching. do it in front of a mirror
>>
>>600679345
try using super glue as the lube too, it wont dry on contact with anal walls anyway
>>
>>600679345
its probably not a good idea but it is an extremely funny idea

you'll need some strong ass glue though, like, epoxy resin would do the trick
>>
>>600679610
You should probably ask your sister to help, and record so we know you are ok.
>>
>>600679345
This. This is an excellent idea. I know, I'm a doctor.
>>
>>600678499
depends on where you live and how long you've been in the business i guess, but he may as well just wanted to comfort me

by the way, WHY would anyone become a proctologist?
>>
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>>600678907
Imagine how immensely satisfying it must've been to finally get that out.
>>
>>600679641
LOl strong ASS glue... hahaha ive got a bottle of ASS glue right here in my pants, has nice nice injector nozzle on it too
>>
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>>600677396

>had a pingpong ball stuck there once...

what the fuck?
>>
>>600679762
What kind of doctor?
I'd be an idiot if I tried this following the advice of a dentist, or even worse, a psychologist.
>>
>>600676942
Sooner or later you'll have to ask for help. But for now maybe you should try to walk and push a little. At least is so up into your ass you can't even touch it.
>>
stick another dildo in your butt so itll make you poop
>>
>>600680183
are psychologists even allowed to call themselves doctors?
>>
>>600680183
phd in military history
>>
>>600680315
I am the ass whisperer. You need to inject hot sauce into your butt, this will cause contractions and the dildo will come out.
>>
>>600680318
Well that includes NAVY, so you probably are quite experienced on anal insertions/removals.
>>
>>600679345
The super glue won't work cause inside is moist and covered in feces.
>>
light a candle in a jar and then sit on it, the flame will burn our all the oxygen and create a vacuum that will suck out the dildo the way a match sucks an egg into a bottle.
>>
>>600676942
stop being a whiny little faggot and go to the hospital
>>
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>>600680183
>>
~♥PPB
Psycho Bobby Penis Loves You Hun
>>
>>600680713
yes and also the history of anal insertions. the american navy actually invented the butt plug as a way to hold sailor's shit in due to prolapsing after too much sex with the bunkmates.
>>
>>600680315
Anyone that has a doctorate can call themselves "Doctor".
>>
>>600679345
This is the best idea anyone has ever had.
>>
>>600681275
yeah I see no flaws witht his plan. please stream on twitch when you do it.
>>
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>>600680921
God bless America.
>>
>>600681275
It's the only thing I can think of that might work. Unless anyone has any other suggestions, I'm going to try this.
It's definitely not coming out with squatting and pushing.
>>
Hahaha Ricky we told you man
>>
>>600681578
murica
>>
>>600679345
Good plan. It work well.
I am doctor and approve.
Sorry for england, I am russia doctor.
>>
>>600681747
thats the best suggestion. please stream so we can make sure youre ok and give support
>>
>>600681827
kek
>>
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>>600677373
This.
>>
>>600679345
Great idea, anon. Seems like the only way.
>>
>>600677396
>get LOADS of lube, put your fingers in to pull it out, had a pingpong ball stuck there once... Just use lube and take your time.

Son, I Am Disappoint
>>
Have glue ready.
Also thought of using my pickle picking up thing, but that shit looks scary.
>>
>>600679796
It's the gay version of being a gynecologist.

The biggest problem is to get fat ugly people out your consulting rooms, and treat only hot chicks/twinks.
>>
>>600682716
>pickle picking up thing
sounds about right
>>
>>600680505
kek
>>
>>600676942
Try not shoving dildos up your ass OP.
>>
>>600682960
double kek
>>
have you tried samefagging? it seems to really loosen the assholes.
>>
take some laxatives dummy. or if lactose intolerant like me, just drink a glass of milk
>>
who got >>600000000?
>>
>>600679345
oh shit please film when you go to the doctor and say "I have two dildos stuck in my ass, help"
>>
Try to push it out like you push a big shit out
That's what most women do.
Or you can try to "enlarge" your butthole, but that would be a little gay
>>
>>600683251
I did, it was awesome
>>
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>>600682890
I don't know what else to call it, I use it.to pick up pickles from the jar.
> pic related, it's a pickle picking up thing.
>>
>>600683378
ahahahaha use your fingers. thats so frivalous. also in this situation, just use your fingers. and lube
>>
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>>600683378
You seems to be skilled in this subject.
>>
>>600679844
gay
>>
>>600683378
lel
>>
>>600683562
We're looking for things I HAVE tried yet, and the pickle things too scary.
Glue wins.
>>
drink a lot of coffee and eat lots of fibre. and take a anti-diarrhea pill. you'll shit it out
>>
Will we get to see your manouver OP?
>>
>If you can't pull it out your ass, try it the other way.
1.Get another one and use it to push the first one forward.
2.Continue insterting another after another until you beat all seven meters of guts.
3.When the first dildo reaches your stomach you're almost done.
4.Put your entire fist in your mouth.
5.The gagging reflex makes you vomit the first dildo.
6.Realise you now have guts filled with dildos.
7.Insert another dildo to push the other ones forward.
8.Realise you are an infinite loop of dildos.
9.An hero by belly dancing.
>>
>>600680738
This and don't forget to stream it
>>
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>>
>>600679532
>self-proclaimed proctologist and anal cavity exploration enthusiast
my sides
>>
OP
Do not put glue in ur ass u idot.
Please dude ull smear that stuff all up in ur asshole and then u gotta go to the hospital anyway. If lube and pushing doesnt work GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!!
>>
>>600684436
yes please
>>
>>600683360

he already has a fucking dildo in his ass, i dont think OP cares about being a little gay
>>
One trip to Taco Bell, and you're done...

Get a black powder bullet puller. That's a screw thing on the end of a long rod, kind of like a corkscrew.

Screw it into the dildo and pull.

Possibly a group activity already in San Francisco and the East Village.
>>
a schematic of the glue operation and the alternative with a pointy object
>>
Take muscle relaxers and laxatives
>>
>>600678907
i like how he's not touching it even with gloves on.
>>
use a fishook thing
like a harpoon
something that will go into the dildo and hook into it
>>
>>600683929
this will work, but 7 meters is only the large intestine, it gets a lot trickier when you reach the small intestine. I personally suggest using a vacuum to suck the small intestine into the large one, around the dildo(s). this way once you remove the vacuum from your rectum, the dildo gets dragged along as the small intestine naturally reshapes into its original position.
>>
OP here.
Glue was a BAD fucking idea, problems have compounded.
No point in asking what do now, I'm pretty sure I'm fucked.
>>
>>600686267
>I'm pretty sure I'm fucked.
apparently with multiple sticky dildoes.
>>
>>600686267
> compounded
>>
>>600686267
I FUCKING TOLD U NOT TO DO IT... NOW GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL AND STOP LISTENING TO /B/
>>
stick another one up. the increased bowel pressure will cause your body to think it needs a shit, and both will pop straight out.
>>
>>600686267
OP just bite the bullet and use some kitchen tongs to get those fuckers out
>>
>>600686267
pics or it didn't happen
>>
>>600686635
this works. assologist here.
>>
Bengay on balls, it will loosen up your anal muscles so you can 'poop' out the dildo
>>
>>600686852
After the glue attempt, the second ones not coming out any further, nor going in any further, and I'm not even sure whether it managed to actually stick to the first dildo, because I can't fucking pull it out.
I've made a terrible mistake.
>>
>>600686267
now you have a tail
>>
>>600678409
This could work
>>
>>600686962
See
>>600677379
>>
>>600687272
Are you saying you just glued it to the walls of your anal cavity?
>>
>>600687272
Please go to the hospital....
They see weirder shit all the time
Just stop being such a little pussy ass bitch and take the embarassment
>>
>>600676942
Go to the hospital or your intestines will explode and you will die, as long as the doctor isn't a jesus fag he'll be like "Aww sheet mang, that's gotta suck, I'll pull dat shee out with a catgrabber.
>>
>>600686635
yeah do this
>>
>>600687530
I think maybe just glued around my ass hole, but I don't know, I hadn't thought about the inside getting glued.
I fucking hope not.

That wouldn't really happen would it?
Surely it's wet in there.
>>
>>600687707

Catgrabber?

He's got a fucking cat stuck up there too???
>>
you really need to shoot hot sauce up there. oleo capsicum causes contractions and the whole thing will shoot out.
>>
>>600687874
what kind of glue did you use?
>>
>>600676942
squat and cough.
>>
>>600687874
pull hard
>>
Either it's gonna take a crane to get it out or you should use another dildo like they did with the fork in Talladega Nights.
>>
OP you need to start eating as much shitty mexican food as possible and shit that fucking thing out
>>
>>600688080
Don't forget to turn your head first.
>>
>>600687619
>>600687707

My sisters a nurse there, they know me.
This isn't a big city hospital here.
I'll think of a way to get them out somehow.
>>
>>600676942
go to toilets
>>
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the whole glue thing is just too ridiculous
>>
Stretch yourself before you wreck yourself.
>>
>>600676942
That's the most fagtastic thing I have heard all day
>>
>>600688255
Mate remember what happened the last time u had a bright idea? Yea u glued up ur asshole and maybe even the inside. So stop being an idiot and get that shit removed. Man its not worth to get seriously injured over a bit of embarassement. And u can just go inside asking for the proctologist...
>>
>>600688007
It was a syringe looking thing with 2 tubes. I squeezed it out and mixed it together.
>>
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>>600688255
I hope you die OP you retarded faggot
>>
>>600688786
lol jb weld ahahaha
>>
Holy shit OP, get your sister to remove it for you! That'll be like, the biggest incest win ever."Yeah one time I glued a dildo into my asshole and my hot nurse sister took it out for me and we decided to take turns with it afterwords."
>>
>>600679345
Ok I've run into a problem guys. I put the glue on the second dildo and tried to have it set, but I think it's glued to my rectum because it won't come out and feels really strange.
>>
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>>600688786
i cant stop laughing
>>
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dudes, he glued his asshole shut with 2 dildos in it...what happens if he has to fart or shit?
>>
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>>600689232
>>
>>600689306
>what happens if he has to fart or shit?

This kills the gerbil
>>
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>>600689232
>>
>>600689232
Hi anon from halfway through the thread, welcome to the end of the thread, WHERE THAT ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED!

This is a serious issue, and I don't need some faggot trying to samefag me, I need ideas how to get these fucking things out.
>>
Livestream from your smartphone or something, we wanna see it.
>>
>>600680738
Fucking kek
>>
>>600689784
Well whadda ya know, looks like I arrived too late.
>>
>>600689784
Are you sure the second dildo is glued to your asshole? Why don't you try disolvant to get the glue out. It'll act as a lube too. It may hurt a little though
>>
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>>600676942
ohh, you.
>>
>>600690000
Nice quads tho
>>
>>600690000
sixty tens 69 hundred hundred

nice bor
>>
Just post a fucking pic in the mirror, the need to see it to have ideas you fucking idiot
>>
>>600690142
Fuck off you autistic numbergrubber.
I don't want your help, whatever you suggest will involve fedoras or ponies.
>>
It's already summer in here..........
You newfags are good at this
>>
>>600689784
Did you ever read that short history of guts from the author chuck p. It seems like you're going for something like that
>>
>>600688786
Jesus christ OP, you basically just sealed that dildo in there with cement. You're not gonna get it out, it'll tear your skin before the glue lets go.
>>
>>600689784

Yeah, no. Nobody's that dumb. Someone who can use a computer won't be stupid enough to glue his asshole.

Work of fiction of a 14 yo. I'm out.
>>
>>600686503
Lel
>>
>>600690558
Adding to this, if you tear your colon and don't get it fixed you'll go septic.
>>
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>>600690493
>>
mix chocolate milk with coke, orange juice and a pill of those used for headaches
adding alchohol to that mix is also an improvement

you'll shit it out in no time
>>
I don't know how you can get a dildo stucked in your ass. Hotkinkyjo can put 5 dildos in her ass and push them out. It should be much easier to shit it out than get it in?
>>
Just go to the fucking hospital you autistic fuck, I've had one stuck up there and I was back home in 30 minutes. They literally give zero fucks.
>>
>>600676942
Well, either get ready to be embarrassed, or die of a ruptured intestine and have them find out anyway.
>webm related
>it's you
>>
>>600691438
One trip to Taco Bell, and you're done...

>they literally gave zero fucks

Probably a good thing since your ass was already pretty sore.
>>
>>600687454
See
>>600685739
>>
Any legit health problems should not be consulted with /b/. Go to the E.R. if you want to live to see next month.
>>
Ok, what if I tie a cord to the end of it, then tie the other end of the cord to something and try to pull it out that way?
Will that work?
>>
>>600689232
>>600687272
>>600686852
>>600679345

KEK
>>
>>600692083
how do you tie something on something that is in your anus?
>>
>>600692083
sure if you wanna bake loafs in a colostomy bag.
>>
>>600690900
Nothing's gonna be flowing through his butt for quite a while.
Thread posts: 196
Thread images: 30


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