/b/ if you need an ear tell me your story i'm up the rest of the night and I will read every word. I won't have the best advice but i'll try my best or I just won't say anything at all, but if you want to tell some one your story i'll listen
>>598216293 tell me your story friend I'll listen. >>598216317 death is strange, but never really a course of action, everyone has something to offer to this world in one way or another, you may not know what it is, it took me a long journey of suffering to figure out what I can do to this world
>>598216293 I get up every morning and go to work but one day i woke up opened the door and closed It without exiting my apartment. I could leave. I couldn't go outside. I don't know why i just sit home. For several days. I am out of food but just sit here waiting to starve to death.
>>598216890 Ever since i was little i was afraid of death but now i délibetatly try to kill myself. When i was 5 i asked my grandfather what was death. He described It as falling asleep without waking up ever. Ever since then i am afraid to sleep. I rarely sleep and not for long. I am afraid of death but also of life.
>>598217341 I have known several people to die in their sleep, and each one of them knew it was coming, but since I never actually died I cannot say if this is true, so I wouldn't worry about dying unexpectedly in your sleep, your body is pretty good at letting you know these things
>>598217341 This is way i can't live but also can't die. I can't kill myself by traditional suicide. I am a caword but t the same time i can't live in this scary godless world. God does not exist neither in man nor outside him. We live as if not humanity or kindness is in us. And if There was a god he would wipe us away and would have created better beings in our place. Nietsche was right we killed god in his very concept.
>>598217812 Nietzsche's phrase "god is dead, and we have killed him" was talking about how organized religion and mass over-zealous faith killed the concept of god but he believed that religion was a more personal belief than anything else.
>>598217812 But my flesh is weak It as any animal wants to survive. It wants to live. I perfectly know that nothing awaits me in this life. It's There but i will never go There to take It i am weak and a coward. But i want be alive. If my soul is dead i am my body and It wants to breath air, to drink water to go to the bathroom.
>>598218364 But i am an animal. The greatest pleasures in my life are simple physiology. I try to restrane myself from voices but at a certain point i understand that talking to other people is a vice. Jean paul sartre said that Hell are the others. I live like a hermit. I have no family no friends. I perform asketizm but no matter i do i fall to the deadly sin of dispear.
i’ve got 3 terabytes of 60’s pre-ambient 800 gigs of live recordings of this local band called the fuckerfucks. They played only 2 shows before breaking up but I had 11 redundant recording rigs all recording flac which I then layered over one another for 25,000 kbps bitrate. 8 terabytes of the beatles. No not THOSE beatles, the new beatles. They haven’t recorded an album yet and technically they’re not really a band yet but they’re indie-gospel-post-funk-punk style is going to be huge when you guys hear their stuff in about 5 years. 4 petabytes of the Ethiopian Free Jazz wave that occurred in 1973 in a town called Wenji Gefersi. 18 terabytes of sound check recordings from the mid 90’s band LFO. They only scored a hit with “I like girls (who wear abercrombie and fitch)” but they were way ahead of their time. That’s just my C: drive. I have 41 drives.
>>598218934 Sartre did say hell was other people, but only the people whom are exactly opposite of your personality. And as long as you are still thinking about it you are not and never will be a base animal, knowing philosophers such as Sartre and Nietzsche imply to me that you are a thoughtful person
>>598219316 People in governaments and wall street are people with educations superior to mine and yet they raise cities for thier profits. I know very little. I am a siner. My greatest sin is that i do not love i closest. When i see a man i try to see a godly creature but only see a meat bag feeled with hate unjustified ambitions fear and sickness
I have wanderlust. I need to leave, I must go out into this vast world. I don't want to leave things behind, I just want to keep moving forward and experience the world! I don't want to have a vacation, yeah? I just want to go and have an adventure, learning things from people along the way, like trades and philosophies. It isn't a spiritual quest or anything, simply an adventure that will take me where it shall. I'll go where my feet take me, that sort of thing. I've been planning on doing it ever since I was young, perhaps finding a way to hitch a ride on a boat or simply stowaway if it comes down to it, though I'd definitely prefer not to. I don't know, I haven't really "planned" anything, per se. I definitely didn't make an itinerary, but the novelty of the idea is that I'll experience whatever the universe throws at me, loss or gain.
I don't know, man. I'd truly appreciate a response or something from anybody. Thanks in advance.
1) That really isn't emotionally healthy when an absolute rule; ie. the way it is presented here.
2) As such, the "all it has ever meant..." is wildly inaccurate.
Mr. Rogers would never put it in such an absolutist way as presented in the image (context, young one), or if he did put it in such a way even within context, it simply shows his religious hucksterism, ignoring what is best for, say, abuse victims in favor for feel-good platitude bullshit. Ignoring what is best for a good share actual people who are supposed to feel empowered by this.
I'm guessing it's the fault of the creator of this image, though.
>>598221746 This is very good of you to be weeling to explore the amazing world we live in. If more people were less lazy and would take thier time to experiance the wonders our world holds perhaps our lives would have more things to them. However This is a serious matter and your entusiasm should not make forget of the practical of the life of a traveler. Try first smaller distances.
>>598221746 OP here and I think that is a interesting concept, but I think actually purchasing a ticket would be better than stowing away, go to the local airport and wave your hand at the listings and go to the place that is listed.
>>598222413 This thought passed many times through my head and It was so strong that i tried to repulse It. Because It contradicts everything we do with one another. This this the value of man. This our nature. We are prisenors of our emperic nature. Evolution may give us an extra limb over the centuries but fundamentaly our basic motives won't change. We will be driven by the same things.
>>598223326 try thinking about it again, but this time don't repulse it, let sonder flow through you, let your head hurt because of the nature of the idea.
Man will be driven always by his nature, this is true, we are always looking to improve ourselves some through hard work and others through less pleasant means but that doesn't and shouldn't diminish the value of mankind as a whole
>>598223667 You know you are right thank you for everything i really have grown too isolated for my oun good and have become the things that repulced me in this world thank you for this conversation and realy made me feel as if i was releaved of some burden. It's nice to have good threads like this. I thing i will go for a walk...
>>598222641 Right, stowing away would be a last resort, but it isn't totally impossible to hitch a ride on a ship of sorts, from a small yacht to a fishing boat to a freighter ship, generally speaking, it isn't out of the question, yeah?
I want to refrain from using traditional methods of travel, other than walking and hiking and stuff of course, it'd seem more like a simple vacation or something if I did that too often. I probably will end up catching a flight or boat across an ocean (if I'm being realistic and not overly ambitious), but how fantastic would it be to start an adventure by sailing across an entire sea?
It is good to be realistic, however, you're definitely not wrong. I probably should be a bit more willing to take a plane once in a while. I'm glad you've replied, though! I appreciate it!
>>598227408 Well, a summarization would be funny, quiet/shy, yet very quick to warm up to people and try new things. Our personalities seem to play off of each others, and that's why we became so close very quickly.
>>598228237 then i'd say go for it, but just be ready for the consequences, I've had a very similar situation and I dumped to much on her to fast and well... our relationship is very complicated and strained right now. and don't assume she'll say yes, that could also turn out badly
>>598214525 Hey OP. I actually came to /b/ tonight to do something similar as your thread.
My story - A pretty good life. Good family life. Have no problem meeting people. Working toward a PhD so I can teach. Give zero fucks about money, but love teaching/researching. White, male, middle class.
I'm lonely tonight. I have issues maintaining relationships (sexual and platonic). I "broke up" with my close group of friends (about 3 years) because I wasn't happy around them anymore. They were negative as fuck and weren't interested in becoming better people. Stagnant is not a word that should describe my friends.
I was trying to drift away casually to avoid any drama, but one of them called me out on responding poorly to any texts. I felt like an asshole telling her that I didn't want to be friends anymore, but I knew I had to do it.
I'm just bummed out in general for being an asshole, but at the same time I had to get away from a bad situation.
>>598229965 We shared too many of the same flaws. Except they saw them as normal while I wanted to fix them.
When we got together it would just be this giant negative clusterfuck. Everyone was a piece of shit. Sitting around watching TV was the norm. There was nothing new happening. No one else was allowed to hang out with us.
At some point I brought it up to my friends and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks. No discussion about them being angry. Nothing. Just passive aggressive silence. That was the moment I decided to move on.
The issue is that I'm working on establishing new relationships, but I'm in a weird lonely lull.
I feel like a failure since I won't be able to go back to Tennessee for my older sister's birthday. I wanted get here something, but all she wants is for me to be there. She got me 3 fucking presents and I couldn't get her anything.
Not only do I lack the money to get here the perfect gift, I can't even be there for her.
>>598230385 hrm... I recommend doing something that has always been interesting to you but never wanted to do it. say... free-running, you do something weird and people will come asking, maybe you even start a dialogue with them
>>598230656 Oh I've been going out with people lately to build up new relationships. I just wanted to tell someone that I feel bad for abandoning friends. It's a weird guilt moment. I feel like I shouldn't have left them behind, but I knew I had to.
Either way, thanks OP for giving me a place to vent.
>>598230780 It's not that simple. You see, we only share a father, who died when we were very young. Her mom doesn't like my mom since my mom was the girl our dad cheated on her mom with. I found out at about 9 years old. No one told her I even existed until I told her via Facebook when she became 18. Since then, she has become the most important person in my life.
If I can't make it, I'm letting her down and I'm letting myself down.
> Bonus points for the look her mom would give me for finally coming face to face with the bastard love-child of her first love's affair
After my freshman year my life sort of went downhill. I stopped working out I stopped trying to talk to girls and have fun. Sophomore year I still made some attempt at a social life because I went to a new school so I made a pretty decent amount of friends and new a pretty good amount of people and I met this girl. We talked all through out the year off and on and I really felt something with this girl although I had a girlfriend. When that relationship ended I sort of dated another girl because she was a cool senior and we had a lot in common for about a month and that ended right as the school year ended and the relationship the other girl was in was newly single. We talked for about a month and finally started dating in June. It was the happiest relationship I ever had and I gave up everything for her. Everything. It just recently ended and I just finished high school a semester early. I stopped talking to everyone for her. I really thought what we shared was real, but just a few weeks after our relationship ended she's having sex with someone else and I don't understand how it's so easy for her. I truly thought she loved me. Since I gave her everything and gave up everyone I'm left with nothing. I don't have any friends and now all I do is play call of duty watch movies and Internet. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't have the confidence to try to get friends and go out and do things again.
>>598232260 *sigh* this one hits a little harder than I feel it should, but I to also felt this love towards another only to have it dashed, least you got a relationship out of it, not the current shit i'm dealing with. I know it's hard to watch someone you love, love someone else, but if you want to feel better only because someone is feeling worse i'll let you into my shoes for a little, because the worst thing is watching someone want to love you like you love them but they can't. as for the friends, just do it man, over come that anxiety, join a club, find something new and exciting and just talk to people. try a board gaming or tabletop gaming society they usually are friendly people
>>598232506 you know man if I had cash to spare or a way to transfer it I would totally give you like $300 or so to help you on your way, I know this might not help you seeing as how it is not really doing anything but I just thought you should know. but if you want to make it there, like most determined men you'll be able to find a way if you look hard enough
>>598232260 I can understand how you feel. I sacrificed a lot for a girl and the same thing happened. All the other girls I dated I never really felt anything for and broke up with them when I found someone new. I was a jerk. But I never lost any friends due to any of that. How did you lose them? and it gets better, trust me I know you think it can't and I know you can't understand it, I still can't but life is good, it might take you a while, but it will get better, just keep your head up and if you can't believe that or in yourself than that's 100% okay!
Instead believe in me!! Believe in the me that believes in you! And then believe in the you that believes in you!
I don't care if your a fucking douche bag that deserved it! You're great and you know it! Just who the hell do you think you are??!!! You're whoever you want and can do whatever you want and you know it! Be great! Be you! Impossible is a word lazy people use to justify giving up!! Get up and be the badass you now you are! Because it's not just me that knows this, it's you!
>>598232260 >>598233349 I like what he is saying, just like the rest of us you'll find yourself a girl, who'll show you what love truly is, and you'll fill in the missing colors of each other's paint by number dreams. (The Pretender by Jackson Browne)
>>598232773 Also I don't believe she loves him. What we had took months to build into love. I know the guy and he is very shallow he has no depth and he doesn't want to love here. I'm almost positive that she's having sex with him so he'll continue to make her feel okay because I made her feel like she wasn't okay.
>>598233743 "if it were a switch I would flick it" those were her words. I made the horrendous mistake of dropping the L-bomb on her, and she see's how much I care for her but can't do the same back to me for reasons that I think my brain blocked out.
>>598233349 >>598233657 That's what has kept me going. I have real hope for myself and that I'm going to find someone who will really love me like I love them. This really helped dude. Thank you so much.
>>598233951 and it may just be as simple as stress relief, but ultimately we can't force anything, so always remember her, never forget that feeling you had for her. >>598234237 Jackson Browne's music always is very keyed to the common man, always brings me up when I'm down
>>598234052 Okay that makes a lot more sense I know exactly what you mean now. I sort of went though something similar to this with a girl who was a little messed up but I have hope for you. Don't give up on it.
I don't think anyone here will really be able to relate to me, but here we go!
I'm 23 years old and in my last two years of university. I've worked my ass off to get here; funding my own education, living expenses, and everything else with no help from anyone. I've come so far since I was 18, and I'm proud of myself for that. I used to not even be able to talk to girls... let alone other guys; but now, it's the complete opposite.
Ever since I was little, when people would ask me what I wanted to do with my life, I would always say "change the world". Up until now, I didn't really know what I was doing with my life... I still don't, but I've come to a major revelation.
One of my professors told me that while you're in college, you should do what you like and do your best. I realized then that I was perhaps in the wrong place. Ever since I got out of my hole about 3 years ago, people have been telling me I should "be a salesman", or even more common, "you should be an actor". Why? Because I have a very good grip on how to entertain people and motivate them. I can explain how if you'd like, but I'll save these details unless anyone is interested.
These types of things, motivating others, entertaining people, have always been the only things I've really enjoyed. The other things I've always loved has been poetry, art, and... hip hop music. I never got into theater because of my rough beginning (I was in about 4 plays as a kid), but I've always loved acting too.
Well, I signed up for a poetry night with about a hundred people attending, and I blew it out of the water. I brought a very unique style, and people loved it; I was the star of the show that night no question. I was absolutely exhilarated the whole time. I felt like I was where I belonged.
So with that, I'm a Mathematical Economics major. My love is for the arts, and performance. I think that I can change the world this way.
>>598235632 OP here and you said you'd never find anyone to know what you are going through... my friend, my /b/rother, we are very alike you and I, we both love to please people, and the only way you are going out with a smile on your face is by doing what you want and love to do.
>>598235632 Not op. That is amazing. You have true gifts. Letting them go to waste would be a travesty for the world. Do you really want to live with that guilt? You have real motivation and ambition. Like your professor said do what you like. You won't find happiness in economics and you won't have the impact on the world as you would have with your art. You have so much to offer. I believe you can change the world for the better in this way.
Random anon here. I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for this amazing thread. My /b/rothers, I respect you so much, each by your own quality, because you are all special in one way or another and I loved reading all your stories. This gave me a lot of hope in humanity, knowing there are people like you out there and it really touched my soul. I wish you all have part of the best experiences in your lifes. Love you all.
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