God damn it every time I read that shit I cringe so fucking hard. Like, how do you react to that? I would have no fucking clue what to do. I think I would have to just leave.
Can you imagine if it landed on you and you got a half hearted high five, then everyone kinda chuckled while you looked at the ground?
I'm so glad I am passed all of that shit. I made it through pretty much unscathed all things considered.
I fucking hate stories that incorporate that promise shit in there BECAUSE ONE OF THE PEOPLE ALWAYS DIE
Simple. You tell them it's not spin the bottle. Mock them for being wusses. It's like truth or dare. The point of the game is to do/say daring things. If you take the coward's way out, you're doing it wrong.
I find in feels threads, there is generally someone dead
On nook so no greentext, but...
Be in school
Go on field trip
Sit in front of bus
All the popular kids are in back
Overhear their game, called "what are the odds" or something
"What are the odds that you'll kiss jack?"
"What are the odds that you'd kiss... anon?"
"Wtf no!, he's such a loser"
I heard the entire thing
It messed me up /b/
It messed me up
I wouldn't think about that until I was agonizing in bed about it 5 hours later. In the moment I am positive I would have just looked at the ground. Probably would have just walked out.
In middle school and high school I was a beta at heart, but had some 'cool' friends which basically gave me a pass to be a beta and not get too much shit. But I still always feared that something like this would happen to me.
Got a lot better after I got a serious girlfriend (now my wife) and just quit giving a fuck about what other people thought. Didn't have anyone to impress
I'll keep this alive by myself if I have to.
>Very long but 100% Worth the read. Save it for later if you have to.
I just broke up with my Girlfriend of 2 years. a girl i intended to propose to in 3 months. She said she didn't love me anymore. all of my friends are working or asleep. This feel is the worst feel of all feels.
>broke up with gf 3 days ago
>friend texts me
>every time, EVERY FUCKING TIME "do you wanna play video games
>"fuck you then"
>literally all he wants to do
He stopped talking to me for like a week at one point because i wouldnt play GTA with him whenever he asked
>asks me why not
>"why do you fucking care so much about this shit"
>ask him if i can vent to him
>"I dont fucking care dude"
My 6th grade crush who I asked to the dance told me "ew, with you? No fucking way. Get away from me, loser"
She went with this guy I fucking hated. If I was less alpha he'd basically be a bully.
I'm 23 and still fucked up on the daily.
It was a super short relationship, but it seemed so real. Idk i just feel like alot of myself was wasted on that for nothing especially with the fact that she barely reciprocated feelings. if i had to guess why it's either ive got the ugly or im just not mature enough for her. hell im still cracking penis jokes way past the age where i should be and i guess she just had enough of it. The worst part is i have no motivation to do anything now. i just wanna go back to the few months i had with her
oh fuck way too close to home, my best friend for the past decade and one time lover stopped talking to me because of one fucking awful week between us
we might be the same person anon, I dated a girl who was a senior when I was a freshman in college, but we didn't date until I was a junior. It started out great, we had lots of fun, but then one day she just felt super distant, I fought hard but in the end she had been done with the relationship for a while. I didn't ask her why she had such a change until a year later, when I finally could contain myself enough when I talked to her and she just felt I wasn't mature enough for her. we only dated from March to August, but I still look back on that April as one of the best months of my life
>talking to gf about vday
>tells me to not over do it, something simple
>get her Star Wars Grinder for her weed (her 2 favorite things)
>She 'accidentally' opens it early
>'oh anon i love it!!!!"
>2 days later
>GF at work at a gas station
>drunk buys her roses at work
>implies i should buy her more shit, bit rude
>call her out on her rudeness
>get upset, says i always make her apologize for every fight
>brush it off trying to not get too upset over it
>get txt 30 minutes later
>"this isnt working anon, and it hasn't for awhile. I just don't think I love you anymore
>spend next 20 minutes finding out when it went wrong.
>still wants me to be 'best friend'
>MFW her mom asks me how im doing
I'm pretty sure my best friend fucked the girl I've been in love with for years.
>Be me a few years ago junior year of highschool
>Met a girl let's call her E
>For me it was love at first sight(sappy bullshit I know)
>Both are lives are pretty fucked up
>Kind of similar situations one great parent, whose dying, one shitty one that we're stuck with
>Her dad is physically abusive (came to school with a bruise on her face a few times)
>Due to life being in the way we never get involved romantically, we still are close, It just isn't a good time for either of us to be in a relationship
>Fast forward a few months
>Her mom is getting better, dad is getting worse
>She decides to get out of her house for a while
>Best friend let's call him T has an extra floor, not just room in his house she can stay in
>E goes to stay there for a while
>T going through a bad breakup
>T tells me he a few different ways he wants to fuck somebody
>E's mom files for divorce kicks E's dad out of the house
>E goes home
>Fast forward again
>T is very open talking about his sex life
>Know he has slept with his ex and his more recent girlfriend
>He makes references to fucking a third girl to other people
>If E ever comes up T changes the subject
I'm 20 now, still in love with E but I don't see her as often. T and I are good friends and he makes passing references about it every now and again.
It just feels shitty because he did it just to get his dick wet, and he won't tell me because he knows it was a terrible thing to do to me and to her.
Idk if you feel the same way about your situation but im just weirded out by the fact that I feel so hungover something that in most people eyes (including hers) would be nothing.
idk, a lot of people write off short relationships but with the girl I was with I legitimately felt the best I had ever felt in a long time, so when it ended, even though it was just a few months it was really devastating
>she is everything I ever wanted
>we spend every day together
>she gets a job running a children's haunted house thing and can't see me for a few weeks
>one day get a text telling her she never loved me
>she doesn't want a relationship
>3 hours later facebook tells me she has a new boyfriend
>found out she was fucking her boss the whole time at her job
>they've been together a year now
>I realized I'm happy for her
>He loves her so much and treats her so well
>I'm happy for them both
spit in his face anon , let him rot hes not your father hes jsut someone who ejaculated into your mother ! im sorry for nicole , i also had to go thru hospitals holding the hand of my loved one . theres no greater pain . i cant tell u not to killurself because i still think about it everyday.
>be me in pre-k
>my "friends" made me agree that i could only play with them at afternoon recess, not morning recess
>said ok, spent morning recess by myself or with the teached and spent afternoon recess with them
>just realized 15 years later that it was because they didn't like me for whatever reason
how do children that small even know to be ugly to people and exclude them?
It's shit man, part of me appreciates that he hides it, but the other part just wants him to tell me strait up that he did it so I can tell him how fucked up it was for him to do that so it would be out there and over with, right now it's like a festering wound that opens up every few months
every night I want, to some degree, to not wake up again. I don't have it in me to kill myself, but if the universe would just take care of that for me, I could definitely be okay with it.
some music for my /b/rothers
Damn man... It's just 8 in the morning. I was not prepared.
Had a quick conversation with my father yesterday. Said he would phone me today to catch up on things, never did. Haven't seen the guy in years. Fucking miss him so bad but it's hard to show emotion to a guy that walked out on your mother
I planned on asking her on a date on Valentine's day, now, I fantasize of turning on my my depressing music, getting drunk, and eventually putting a shotgun in my mouth for the first and last time.
>be years ago
>best friend in whole world, is only friend
>we've lived together for about 11 years.
>including through some unwilling moves away from that family with mine
>return back to their family with mine again and we live there
>I start getting abused
>no clue what the fuck is going on or how to handle it
>my only friend in the world is betraying me fucking deeply
>eventually move out, mom never finds out, still doesn't know
>we are still friends, can't look at him the same
>want to die even though have friends now who would die for me and vice versa
>can't fucking move past that shit at all
I hate my life /b/
I had the exact same story. We've been madly in love for two years and she was THE girl for me. I've never pictured myself with another girl than her. Then she said it, she exactly said those words "I don't love you anymore".
I know how you feel.
I know the time stopped when you heard this.
I know you feel a scorpio slowly crawling into your guts.
I know you feel completely shattered, destroyed.
I know you feel everything is dark and not worthy anymore.
Then she will have a new boyfriend. Maybe not for long, and he won't be as good as you, he never will. You'll just think that. But deep down you'll be filled with hatred and anger and rage just like I was.
I know you'll feel that everything you eat tastes the same.
But I also know that one day, you'll wake up and even in the coldest day, the smallest sunray will heat you.
I know you'll feel alive again, step by step.
The dark, acid memories will become just dusty old sepia photos.
You will be able to think about her without being hurt, but you won't think about her anymore.
You will realize your feels are gone too. That you can finally move on.
You will understand how you can't control feels and how you have to think "I'm glad it happened" instead of "It's finished".
You will I promise you
Don't worry Anon, you are in the shadows for now but everything gets better, trust me /b/ro
I've got a story from the worst three years of my life, middle school
>dad dies one month before 6th grade starts
>had been battling cancer for two years, completely wrecked my life
>didn't know what "depression" was but according to the doctors my mom made me see I had it
>was given a small blue pill everyday called Zoloft to "make me feel better"
>never helped, only made me feel worse
>literally held a knife to myself with my sister in the room, only stopped because my dog came up and licked me on the leg
>tried to not take Zoloft as much as possible
>6th grade was tough, but my friends were fairly close to me and good to me
>since we were a class of 30 everybody knew and understood my pain
>7th grade comes around and there is a new girl in the class
>Her name was Randy, and she was pretty weird, but nice
>she and I become pretty good friends pretty quickly
>she has no clue about my dad or the last year I've been suffering
>every now and then I'll just have moments in class of complete dispair and have to run to the bathroom or guidance councilor
>one day in gym Randy is complaining about how her dad is so mean to her
>goes on for about five minutes, I'm next to her the whole time
>finally, out of nowhere I shout "AT LEAST YOUR DAD IS ALIVE"
>immediately fall to the ground in tears
>whole class thinks Randy did something to me, she gets outcasted a bit more
>in all honesty I liked Randy, but she came into my life at the wrong time
>she confesses her feelings for me
>I can't return them, but I want to
>end up accidentally toying with her emotions and making her resent me as well
>she leaves after that year because of lack of friends
>8th grade I'm ready to get out of the school and move onto high school
>stop doing any homework
>pretty sure I only passed because I was a teacher's son
>that year I ended up stealing 800 dollars from my mom's bank account for porn because I didn't understand free porn
>banned from computer for the rest of the year
>friendships are tested this year, lose some along the way
>get invited to a end of the year pool party
>I hate pools so I say no
>mom thinks I should go so she threatens me with grounding if I don't
>end up getting grounded for the first month of summer because I didn't want to go swimming with people I didn't like that much anymore
>go out for JV football team during summer
>break arm one week into summer workouts
>have to leave team and spend all summer inside with broken arm
>finally school starts
>immediately make friends with some kids in the class above me
those kids literally saved my life, they made freshman year actually livable and I love them all so much
Op is fuckin mad because we were watching his sandwich when he went to get some coke and a fuckin baby eater shat in it and we lost a turtle.
>age 16 or so
>play wow almost every day with a group of friends I made in game
>no friends IRL
>skype with a group from my guild and have a great time
>guild leader is a 23 y/o marine, look up to him like a brother
>keep pestering him to help me out on molten core to get some cool priest gear
>helps me get prepared to raid by teaching me about tactics, gear, etc..
>month goes by and he tells us he's being "relocated" and won't be on for a couple months
>on skype he promises to set up the raid when he's back
>month goes by normal besides everyone missing him
>two months and we start to worry a bit
>Third month we decide to try and contact someone he knew IRL
>mfw he wasn't "relocated"
>mfw he lied to us so we wouldn't worry
>break down crying when I'm told he died in the hospital a week after receiving a major wound
>time passes and we all miss him horribly, keep him as guild leader and keep the guild alive
>receive a letter in the mail
>from him: "hey anon, I'm hoping that I can see you soon to laugh about this but if I don't... I'm sorry... I love you all. Kick ragnaros' ass for me." (The rest was just personal stuff and a picture)
>we did the raid
y'know /b/, do you ever wonder even why you are depressed?
i know for sure i do. its just fucking terrifying.
as if there is a door in front of you and you just for hells sake dont know how to open it
that last thread about dieing pets really brought back some feels
>only best friend I've ever had is my cat
>been with him for my whole life
>grew up together
>if I'm home he NEVER leaves my side
>I don't even feed him or clean his litter he just genuinely likes my company
>waits for me by the door when I leave the house
>meows and rubs his kitty face against me when I walk in
>can call him from anywhere in the house and no matter what he would come right away
>wont respond to anyone else
>only problem is, he shits outside his litter box sometimes
>I clean it all up of course
>grandparents constantly telling my dad they want the cat out of the house
>narcissistic grandma wont stop making comments about how she can't wait for him to die
>she occasionally tries to convince me to kill the cat or she will
>tfw 13 year old me is being asked to kill my cat/brother or he'll be killed or put on the street
>obviously tell her to fuck off
>tell her if she kills him I kill her
>dad knows I'm serious and sends me to my moms to live while things cool down
>can't bring my bro because the apartment complex wont allow pets
>school is hell for a socially anxious guy like me
>depression kicks in from being lonely all the time
>but I visit him almost every day if I can
>years go by and the depression gets worse
>spent nights crying myself to sleep because of how shitty life feels
>in and out of mental hospitals ect
>seriously contemplate suicide but realize I can't just leave him in this world alone
>make a deal with myself
>I'll stick around and try my best to be happy
>decide 'fuck it' and sneak him into my moms place
>think things might be getting better
>now we're living like best buds again
>one day I call him and he doesn't come
>he's never ignored me
>find him laying in a puddle of vomit in the corner of a closet
>no not this please not now
>immediately take him to vet
>kidneys are failing and he's having mini seizures
>shit got real
>feel this innocent loving creature die in my arms
>can't even cry because the dr is there and my anxiety is through the roof
fuck I'm sorry can't even finish this sorry /b
>be me in 5th grade
>new school, new state, no friends
>parents and teacher try to encourage me to make friends
>see kids getting ready to play baseball
>everyone lines up, 18 kids, enough for exactly 2 teams
>keep getting skipped, down to me and other kid
>first team picks other kid, OK I'm last but who cares I get to play and show then I'm cool
>second team captain: "...eh, we'll play one short. OK let's go!"
>other kids go off, leaving me standing by myself
>mfw I realized they'd rather play at a disadvantage than play with me
Where do I fucking begin? I feel like everyone in the World is the most unauthentic pieces of shit. Everyone is a fucking actor, they're liars and fakes. I hate myself because I am never truly myself around others. Their perception of me shapes who I am. I could be a sarcastic asshole, or a nice sensitive guy....I have no clue who the fuck I am!!
I don't sleep at night because I am afraid that I'll die. But I desire sleep because I imagine that my life would just fade away. I am too much of a bitch to actually kill myself. I just continue through life conforming to other's peoples perception of me
Then there was her....The only person to make me feel good about myself. The little bit of sanity that I had in my fucked up mind. I spent 6 months opening up to her, telling her my problems, and finally, telling her that I loved her. But those feelings couldn't be returned due to her sexual orientation. Living with the fact that I am utterly in love with someone I can't have is the worst feeling in the world. What makes it worse....She talks about her love life...
I wish I was dead /b/
I know that feel man. It sucks. It's like everyone notices you but you aren't acknowledged at all, like a ghost.
My friend sounds exactly like you. If I could fucking hug you I would. That is the worst feeling in the world.
I am sorry again anon. That is a depressing feeling I imagine. You'll get through it. Live with hope that she will one day see what a piece of shit her friend is and get with you instead.
I got a pet story
>got a stuffed Wiener dog Christmas when I was 5
>named him Oscar for whatever fucking reason
>tell mom and dad I want a real wiener dog named Oscar
>Dad comes home one day with a pug
>he tells me he knows its not exactly what I wanted but this is a pug named Oscar his co-worker had to get rid of
>I immediately fall in love with him
>he sleeps in my room, I walk him when dad can't
>one day I took a piss on his paw because he pissed on my foot, I was like 8
>pissed on his paw again so I would be winning
>Dad dies of cancer (told the middle school story earlier in the thread)
>Oscar keeps me alive through my depression
>Freshman year of high school, life is getting better, but suddenly Oscar gets sick
>He has diabetes
>all I can think is that I don't want to lose someone else
>we spend lots of money on insulin for him
>only slows down the process though
>one day he is out and my sister was supposed to get more
>she went to the lake with her friends
>I don't realize we don't have any insulin for him until ten minutes before the vet closes
>I call my sister and ask where the new insulin is
>"oh sorry anon, I forgot to get it, don't worry about it"
>I literally threw my phone across the kitchen in anger
>mom is out of town, sister went to the lake, I'm alone and can't give the dog it's medicine
>call mom in tears
>she calls the vet, my aunt, and my sister and fixes the situation
>can't get insulin until the next day
>Oscar is blind now and losing control of his bladder so he sleeps in the garage
>go to get him that morning so we can go to the vet
>call him, he slowly walks across the garage because he can't see
>he falls over and stops moving and my heart stops for a bit
>I run over and pick him up, he is having a seizure
>my aunt shows up and we race him to the vet
>they manage to save him and I take him home
>two weeks later I'm playing Halo with my old friends at 2 AM
>Oscar is asleep on the foot stool a few feet away from me
>doing mission when suddenly Oscar falls off and hits his head
>I drop the controller and run over to him
>he's panting with his eyes open
>try to give him water but he's not responding
>run upstairs and wake mom up shouting about Oscar
>she gets up and starts the car, I get back to him, he is seizuring again
>wrap him in a blanket to try and control the motions
>on our way to the emergency vet, he empties his bowels on me
>tears pouring out of my eyes I shout "This is no time to be evening up that old score you little shit!"
>make it to the hospital
>wait about half an hour
>doctor comes out and explains that he is only alive because of the machine he is hooked up to
>I walk in and see him lying on a table with all kinds of things inside of him
>I stand there and watch as they unplug the machine and he stops breathing
>I go in the car and cry while mom handles the stuff inside
>I got his ashes a few weeks later, buried them in the yard where he and his cat friend would always lounge
That dog saved my life and I couldn't save his. I didn't realize how much retelling his story would hurt me, but I've got some tears right now
you guys cool if i post some songs? im completely engulfed in feels.
It's okay anon. I just wish I had someone who went through similar events, i want to vent to someone who can relate to me. I know you /b/ros do. But it doesn't feel the same, half the people here are upset over love. Which is nothing to be fucked with and can fuck a man up, but this has caused me many mental problems.
i haven't really got the typical feel posts. only pictures that make me feel things, pic related.
honestly i dont feel this at all, ive easily moved on and currently with a infinitly better girl, but then again i might be a major minority. sorry for those who dont fall into my category, my hope goes out to you anons
just remember anons
you're every bit as flawed, inconsiderate and selfish as the ones that you feel have wronged you
i WANT to want to be alone
I hear ya, that makes sense. Hell, i'm just depressed because im depressed, sure, some of it is circumstantial, but i think my head is just fucked. Either that, or most everyone else's head is fucked. idk
Well I hope you do good my man. I know everyone in this thread has the fucking potential to be the best anon they can be. I can feel it. I love you guys. You've always been there for me. If I ever became an hero, I would make sure I say goodbye to you special faggots first.
I love you niggers /b/
>For the first 3 years of Highschool I was well liked by essentially everyone
>Get depressed and extremely anxious all of a sudden
>People stop talking to be since i'm not funny anymore or something
>Just have a small circle of friends I play games with and no one besides them communicate with me to this day
I guess they didn't like me that much anyway.
I'm fairly certain the absolute worst I've ever felt was when my best friend left without saying goodbye, and when I would try to contact him on A.I.M. he would either ignore me or make some excuse. I never felt as close as I did to him and it felt like he stabbed me in the back. to this day I don't know what changed or what happened to him that would make him hurt me like that
I remember my first kiss.
It took my three years to finally ask this girl out. I was 15. She was so beautiful, and happy all the time. We were great friends, but she was dating this guy. It was one of those guys.
You know, the kind of guy who acts like he's your best bud, is friendly, tries to act cool and tough around you, but is also constantly trying to 1 up you.
Eventually she broke up with him and started dating me.
We went out for a walk one night to the park down the street. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but I didn't want to rush too quickly and ruin it. We sat up on this big jungle jim and looked at the sky.
I remember our exact conversation.
>her: "it's so nice tonight"
>me: "yeah, but it's cloudy. I really hope it doesn't rain"
>her: "I've always wanted to have one of those really romantic movie kisses, where the guy grabs the girl while it's raining and passionately kisses her"
>me: "maybe it will rain soon. I'll give you one of those kisses if it does"
>she looks over at me
>"I love you anon"
>"I love you too"
I that moment I subtly poured out my heart and soul to her all at once.
I'm still with this girl. She's the love of my life. I will never lose her.
Gets me every fucking time
Just imagine having to go through that anons
>mfw first time I saw this I tried to wake up, hoping that my current existence was all a big dream
I never understand gay people like this anon. She's not your fucking property, he didn't rape her, and you weren't even in a relationship with her. They were two people who made the choice to fuck one nigh (allegedly) and whether or not they do or don't regret it is their business. Fuck you for being a faggot and mind your own god damn business.
Because it's trying way to hard to be emotional like something you would see in a bad piece of fiction. Which is probably what it is. Why else would someone screencap their conversation with a dead person? For attention. And these fuckers are probably too lazy to wait until someone dies to get that attention, so it's easier to fake it.
know that feel man. i even got girls and shit in HS, then had a really shitty experience at a party one night when i was 17 and stopped hanging out with all of my friends.
nearly three years later (am 19 now) and i only remember talking to them once or twice. i didn't ignore them or anything just no one made any effort to contact me. maybe i was an asshole or something
>tfw literally 0 friends anymore
I laughed so hard at this the first time around, the picture is just perfect for how I imaged it went down.
Oh fuck. I hurt my face laughing too hard again, fucking god damn it.
I just get sad at the fact that after people die, they just cease to exist. What is life worth living for anyway? If there is a god, why is there so much despair in the world? I wish I could be with the very few people I love forever, but I cant.
Is there a better name for the voices you hear in your head telling you to kill yourself at 2 am?
that's the thing, I can say for certain that it isn't, I say voices, but it's more like other people thinking in my head, kind of like when your conscience tells you that something is a bad idea
but hey, maybe you don't need the explanation, and you understand what I'm talking about, but there are always people who need the whole explanation
So, is there anything I can call it for short, or perhaps a better way to refer to it
Worst case scenario is that when you die, it's just non existence. I'm not even going to account for the fact that God will be pissed at me for touching myself at night. And day. And would send me to eternal suffering because of it.
Remember what it was like the billions of years before you existed? That's what it'll be like, and obviously you won't care in the end.
Well, im 22 today. Birthday plans are as follows: This evening Ill just go out and look at the stars alone. Its always comforting to me.
surprisingly though im not too upset. It feels normal to me.
turning 25 in 6 days. no plans just like its been for the past year. i think im leaving this earth in the following weeks, im actually looking forward to it. just thinking about it makes me feels so easy and relaxed. inb4 crybaby
I've begun to slowly realize that I destroyed the one thing that was felt real between me and a girl in my entire life.
>Enter high school
>I have plenty of friends, but ive always been shy.
>No confidence due to bad things in middle school
>Somehow find myself in the theatre program
>Meet this girl, a senior.
>She's beautiful to me.
>Has a boyfriend
>Huge, jacked mf
>The girl and I, Rachel, we start spending time together
>We become extremely close. Hang out every day.
>I start to develop feelings for her.
>Afraid to act on them due to her relationship status
>But I can sense that she is developing feelings of her own
>One day I show up to her house and shes crying
>Broke up with her boyfriend
>Our feelings for each other culminate one night when we kiss in my driveway.
I can still fucking remember it clear as day.
>We begin a secret relationship.
>Dont want people to find out. Not good things would happen.
>She makes me confident. She makes me optimistic. She literally makes everything about my life seem less shitty.
Too bad m8. Again, you won't care for those memories once you're dead. The only real issue is the way you dwell on your imminent doom. That's honestly the only thing wrong with it.
You could alternatively choose not to believe that non existence awaits you. Though an after life is seems more and more ludicrous as time goes on. What's in the afterlife? Humans? Dogs? Birds? Every living thing, right down to microscopic bacteria? As technology advances it seems more and more likely that we'll be able to create a human like artificial intelligence. Do you think it will have human like feelings or you do you think it could easily and convincingly emulate human feelings?
What would happen to this intelligence when it dies?
i do but i never use it.
I am fine, and hope other anons can learn that its not the worst thing in the world to be alone.
find a method of escapism that works for you. Not even escapism in my case, more like a way of finding comfort in something simple.
I have a similar outlook on life, but my method of escapism is acting. I find it so refreshing to be someone I'm not in a different world. What's scary is honestly how many actors and actresses I've met who say the same thing. We are a very depressed and broken bunch
It scares the shit out of me to think that this is it.
Because if it is, this has probably happened before in the infinite amount of time of...infinity. It means I've lived this life before. And everyone else has lived their lives countless times, again and again. And if the universe is mathematical there isn't much of a difference between this life and the infinite amount of times I've repeated this same existence.
And if I die some painful tragic death, I will have died that way an infinite amount of times in the same way.
It scares me beyond death to think that this thing..this universe is just a constant mathematical repetition where I am subjected to this same exact conscious experience every time. Born to the same parents, same looks, same personality and outlook, the same thing every time for eternity. Fuck I hope that I'm wrong.
Honestly i just want someone who will honestly listen to what i say and care about it, unlike the 90% of the time where i have to stop because they don't care or i realize they aren't listening.
>One day her ex boyfriend wants to talk to me.
>We had kept things pretty under wraps so I wasnt nervous.
>Being dumb as fuck, I meet him at this bigass park in my town.
>He had caught wind of our relationship somehow.
>Long story short, him and 2 of him meathead friends beat the fucking shit out of me.
>I dont care. This means there are no more secrets.
>We dont keep shit secret anymore. Everyone knows.
What followed was what I remember as the best few months of my life so far. I loved this girl so much that my parents, to this day, refer to how fucking about this girl I was. She made my life so joyful and we were together pretty much every moment that we could be. She graduated and went off to college 8+ hours away. We tried to keep it going long distance but something changed. I dont know what, but we ended it and I remember us both crying.
What scares me is that Its been almost 10 years since the fact and I havent felt anything remotely close to what I felt for her to anyone else. Not a twinge of emotion. Ive had relationships with tons of girls since then and theres been nothing.
I feel like that was my shot, and it was the only one I'm going to get.
I know this isnt as feelsy as a lot of this stuff but fuck man, it sure fucks me up all the time.
I sort of do that with video games. Except i just play space engine for hours on end. Its relaxing to me to be alone out in a vast universe
>pic related, kekking as im posting
I am tired of escaping my problems. I don't want to keep walking away from the fact my best friend as a young teen abused me. I want to face my problems. I have no idea how to face this. I'll just wear a stone face and pretend I am happy.