Tard Story time? Tard story time. ill start > be me in 5th

>>597046563
Ham killed Samuel, right?

So God made him sterile and he spent his time fucking cacti and eating weevils.

Right?

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>>597046563
I'll stay for awhile. Go on.

>>597046563
what about the tale of Fats McGee and his retard three?

>be me, 4th grade
>daycare after school
>blind girl also goes to this daycare
(Not a tard, but stfu)
>she is fucking walking around talking to walls and shit
>there is a video game center or whatever
>I'm there with her
>I decide it would be funny to trick her into letting me touch her pussy (cause that's good humor when you're in 4th grade)
>I tell her that I need to check her temperature to make sure she isn't sick
>loling.jpg
>stick my finger in
>kinda weird feeling
>kinda wet (probably piss)
>move my finger
>she is silent
>do this every day for about a year til she moves away.

And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.

And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.

And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father’s nakedness.

And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.

And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.

And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.

God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.

(Ham castrated Noah on the basis that, since Noah cursed Ham by his fourth son Canaan, Ham must have injured Noah with respect to a fourth son. According to Samuel, Ham sodomized Noah.)

>>597048104
And Canaan saw the land of Lebanon to the river of Egypt, that it was very good, and he went not into the land of his inheritance to the west (that is to) the sea, and he dwelt in the land of Lebanon, eastward and westward from the border of Jordan and from the border of the sea. And Ham, his father, and Cush and Mizraim his brothers said unto him: 'Thou hast settled in a land which is not thine, and which did not fall to us by lot: do not do so; for if thou dost do so, thou and thy sons will fall in the land and (be) accursed through sedition; for by sedition ye have settled, and by sedition will thy children fall, and thou shalt be rooted out for ever. Dwell not in the dwelling of Shem; for to Shem and to his sons did it come by their lot. Cursed art thou, and cursed shalt thou be beyond all the sons of Noah, by the curse by which we bound ourselves by an oath in the presence of the holy judge, and in the presence of Noah our father.' But he did not hearken unto them, and dwelt in the land of Lebanon from Hamath to the entering of Egypt, he and his sons until this day. And for this reason that land is named Canaan.

Sorry these arent pre typed so bear with me
anyways
> be me in 5th grade again
> shitstain is horribly awkward but he tries to get sum o da pusi anyways
> one girl in my class is nice to shitstain because shes not a bitch
> lets call her E
> shitstain thinks the wants the D
> notice him trying to flirt with her
> come up with a plan.
> skip forward a week or 2
> everyone is out at recess
> i stay inside because I pretty much had no friends
> i get an idea
> grab sticky note
> write something along the lines of "ay ur super cute wanna d8? - E
> leave it on his desk
> they come inside
> he reads the note
> goes up to her and slaps E's butt
> she screams
>he screams
> he runs out of the school
> mfw i heard that he was found crying in a second graders locker
any more anyone?

Lets change things up

>be me
>be 29 or so
>be 6'2" 185
>start working with 22 year old tard girl
>due to medication and lack of physical activity she is like 5'3" 250 pounds
>I got the impression she thought I was cute
>one day we are out in the community going for a walk
>totally alone
>she turns around grabs me by the hips trys to kiss me
>tells me how hot she thinks I am
>hold back urge to vomit
>gentle push her off me and say this is not appropriate
>tell nobody because if I tell they will launch an investigation and since I am a man they will probably blame me
>keep seeing her as a client but make a point of never being alone with her.

>>597048208
>>597048104

yes we get it, tard stories, people who believe in the Bible are retarded. I agree

>>597047726
ohh, so youplayed "touch my pee-pee" when your were young? That's a fucking interesting and abnormal story !

more shitstain stories coming through
>be me
> be in 6th grade now
>we invent some game called zombie tag on the playground
>playin it one day at recess
>im "it"
>friend calls me zombie hobo to get my attention because at my school hobos were funny as shit
> meh idc
> see shitstain playing
> call him a zombie hobo
> I watch as he channels into his true form
> hulk tard
> we start lining up to go inside
> notice shitstain bolting towards me
>once he was close enough i flip him over on his back
> got in trouble because they couldnt blame the tard
>mfw worth it

bump for tards

moar shitstain stories

does anyone remember the im not a homo kid? i went to school with him from 6th-12th grade hes a big tard i have endless stories

>>597051234
haha Angry Homo Kid? Tell us stories plz

gonna keep posting just because i have nothing to do on on a friday night and its nice to revisit old times
> be me again in 6th grade
> class goes on a camp out
> we arrive at the camp
> shitstain keeps on saying he wants to give someone a hug
> we all keep our distance
> one of my "friends" says "hey shitstain I think anon wants a hug"
>ofuckno.mp4
>he tries to hug me
> freak out and grab his glasses and thrown them into the forest
> run away
>fast forward a few hours
> its time to go to bed
> teachers say we all have to shower
> we all complain because we dont wanna see eachother naked
> she wont listen and makes us shower
> I shower last so nobody sees me naked
> After im done and I think nobody is around, i leave the shower
> hear shitstain giggle behind me
> he grabs my butt
> i scream and run away
> he gets scolded by teachers
> try to get some sleep but I hear shitstain being a tard
> leave my room and notice he still hasnt put on clothes since the shower
> hes flopping his half inch punisher everywhere
> mindscarredforever.jpg
> go to bed
> wake up in the middle of the night
> mfw i notice shitstain staring at me through the crack of my door
>still naked

>>597051234
that sounds familiar, go ahead

>>597051634
Pree good OP 7/10

so this tard we will cal him homo was in a class i had freshma year and he was leaning back in his chaiir in the middle of a test and losses his ballence yells JEWISH NIGGER!!!!! and proceeds to fall back nockiing his desk upside down on top of him he gets up and yells FUCK YOU while flipping of his chair running out of the room laughin his ass off

I have a few more shitstain stories coming through
>be me in 7th grade
> dont see shitstain all that much anymore
> heard he dropped his books and got naked in the middle of the hallway
> occasionally see him running through the hallway
> hes making car sounds while hes running
> see him one time and say "cars are gay kill yourself" loud enough for him to hear
> he doesnt know who said it
> he screeches and shits in his hand and throws it at the wall
> tard wrangler sprints in and drags him away

>>597046563
Are you in the retard class too? What you got?

>be me in 11th grade
>catholic school, dont start a shitstorm
>having to do prayer in pastoral care, roll call home group what not
>semi-tard in class, must have half an extra chromosome
>not actually down syndrome just really weird
>she lights the candle every morning
>i go to check my group for recreational sports
>group of people also checking
>this bitch walks straight through it after lighting candle, still holding sorta lit match and box full
>me "what the fuck are you doing walk around"
>(fucking british accent) "do you want get burnt?"
>fucking death grip on my wrist, other hand trying to get matches out
>"the FUCK?"
>shake that bitches hand of me, fast walk back to seat
>she's still walking after me holding up matches like its a fucking handgun
>do a swift 360, at 180 pull out chair behind me
>bitch walks right into that at decent speed, falls over
>friends are like what the fuck is this

saw her at a woolies, freaked out and legged it to the other side

ok im gonna get back to the shitstain stories real quick but I have a story about a girl with downs that rode my bus first
> in 7th grade
> we have a girl with downs on our bus as said before
> she is really slow and waddles around all the time
> shes also kind of a bitch
> one day we are at her stop
> everyone at her stop get on except her
> notice her running down the hill screaming "WAIT FOR MEE"
> nobody says anything
> mfw we drive away

>>597051234
Nice get

>>597049322
no, he's clarifying the story of ham
ham=hamface=tard

If he is in Canada, i doubt he is a tard himself. In most provinces, there needs to be 1 "special" kid or something along those lines.

>>597051634
its saturday

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>>597051634
>friday night

hey it geg

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>>597046563
continue OP....

So here's my tard story
>be me freshman in highschool
>be animu fag
>be with friend talking about old fps like quake, painkiller, etc
>kid walk by both of us
>the smell of bo, shit, and pee went with him
>I gave him the nickname of peeapoo
>peeapoo was always watching either highschool of the dead or some kawaii aguu shit on his ipod
>every thing was anime with him
>when we had to do a class projects he put lucky star characters
>Skip about 4 months letter
>Haven't seen peeapoo in awhile
>going to weeaboo club
>As soon as I enter the door the small of fresh shit was all around the room
>Maybe everyone felt bad for him and didnt say anything because it seemed
Like I was the only one who complained about it
>watching one of my suggestion Galaxy express 999
>then there seemed to be a smell emanating from peeapoo if there wasnt any already
>Peeapoo used Fart gas
>at this point we all had it with peeapoo
>club ends
>Didnt see peeapoo again
>See you in space peeapoo
>BANG

last shitstain story I have for a while
> Be me
> be in 9th grade
> see shitstain occasionally through halls
> always wearing a minecraft T shirt and hanging with his retard crew
> hesgonnadieavirgin.mov
> some fucker decided to tell him about sex
> he is now a testosterone driven sexual predator lurking the school
> see him staring at everyones butt
> I am honestly scared hes gonna rape someone if he hasnt already
> anyways, back to the story
> my friend has him in one of his classes
> shitstain will often stand up in class and scream "WHO WANTS TO HAVE SEX?!" with a hand down his pants and another extended towards the class
> mfw the school pretty much gave up hope with him and let him do his thing

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>>597048305

cont.

>>597054543
>>597054555
whoops im a retard

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>>597048104
>>597048208

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>>597052666
>greentext or gtfo

ok i lied THIS will be the last shitstain story for tonight
>be me
>be 6th grade
> shitstain isnt in any of my classes but i have friends that have to deal with his bullshit
> shitstain is really bad at math and needs his wrangler to help him during class
> he cant get help during tests
> Im in the class next door
> i hear him tipping over the edge
> all of a sudden hear him scream "FFUUUUUUUUCKKK"
> he flips his desk
> he threw a stapler at a teacher
> at this point everyone was gathering around the class to see the shitstorm
> he is backed into a corner
> he doesnt know what to do
> he shits himself
> mfw

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>>597053484

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Bumping with a request for the full picture

>>597053013
trying too hard, anon

>Be me
>Have many tard experiences in school
>Too much drugs and alcohol so I cannot remember said tard stories properly
>Feelsbadman

ok so another homotard storie so we actually gave hime a name sophmore year we called him OG peter or somthing because he wanted to be a gangster and start his own version of crips in our school ironic right so we are walking down th hall one day and i hear this faint battle charge scream kinda thing in the background of the busy highschool halway its getting closer and louder i see homotard with a camo bandana on his head tupac style holding his ipone in front of his face he is running to English class witch i have with him so he makes it to the stairs and half way up the first flight of steps trips face first into a step and rolls down to the bottom he is screaming racial slurs all the way down he finaly stops rolling and screams FUCK YOUR SHIT YOU PORTCH MONKEY BLOOD GAND NIGGER WHILE FLIPPING OF THE STAIR CASE AND RUNS OFF THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM IN A WEEK

< sorry for shit English on last post

>>597058022
>Green Text Mother Fucker do you speak it?

>>597055164
OP = worst story teller ever.
>made up stories should be interesting
>kill yourself

>>597059134
k will post results

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>>597048305
Fuckin great
Continue OP

I was a pretty big tard up until high school. I have some stories.

>be me in 6th grade
>come back from a couple years of homeschooling
>dont know how to socialize
>walk up to someone and ask them when their name is
>they give me a weird look and tell me their name is Guatamala and that they're the coolest person in school
>something about her response made me really angry
>i point my finger at them and yell out
>"WELL, GUATAMALA," i announce fiercly as anime swirls appear in the background, "YOOOOURE GOING TO BE NUMBER TWOOOO HERE, SISTER!"
>the whole lobby goes quiet
>there began my adventures as the weird girl

I have more

>>597060122
moar for /b/

>forgot to mention I was a super huge weeb and obsessed with sonic
>naruto was my big thing
>be at gym one day, could not have been more excited to be there
>why? I'll tell you
>my gym outfit included a very important ninja headband
>we're about to start track for the day
>i get up on the bleachers and holler
>"ALRIGHT LISTEN UP"
>take my headband and tie it around my head
>"I'M GONNA BE THE MOST POPULAR PERSON HERE BELIEVE IT!!!"
>jump down and run with my hands behind my back like sonic
>constantly trying to run next to this girl who looked kind of like an anime character at the time
>every time we have gym other girls try to trip me or hide my clothes
>one day the girl confronts me
>"why are you always following me you're so weird"
>I straight up tell her
>"you look like hanabi-chan and I want to be your friend"

Requesting 'hay pil' screenshots.

>>597060747
Always moar. Weird girls are the best, as long as you're not ugly. If you're ugly, lie to me and say you're attractive

Cool I can finally share my tard stories on here.
>be me 11th grader
>need to piss before class cause teacher doesnt let us
>walk in, 2 tards are at the urinals
>one has his pants all the way down
>all of a sudden the other tard turns and squats to the other tard
>hes staring at his crotch
>says, "aw, nice"
>fucking bolt outta there
I never went to the bathroom before that class ever again.

>>597060747

>be me again, science class
>pretty well known as weirdest person in class
>sitting at my desk at the front of the classroom because my teacher has to remind me to stop doodling while shes lecturing
>there's another girl sitting across from me
>staring obnoxiously
>i frown at her and tell her to stop staring at me
>"im not doing anything anon lol you're crazy"
>getting really frustrated as shes blatantly sitting there staring at me with this shit eating grin
>"if you dont stop fucking staring at me hannah-"
>class goes kind of quiet
>"Im going to stab you with my kunai!"
>she starts laughing uncontrollably
>I get fucking pissed and throw my text book at her face while yelling "SHURIKEN CLONE JUTSTU"
>throw my pencil box at her and run out of the room
>tard wranglers came and held me down while i stopped raging
>bit one of them and slammed their hand into a locker
>suspended for 2 days

>homotard story again so i was into smoking weed and popping pain killers throughout highschool
>homotard was a wannabe stoner
>we sold him fake shit like tea and spices alot
>one day me and some friends are in our spot in the lobby and we see homotard running towards us
> hes yelling and screaming me and my friends name
> he gets to us panting still yelling our names
>THE DRUG DOGS ARE HER HIDE YOUR SHIT GUYS YOUR GONNA BE CAUGHT
> everyone is looking at us
> i look down the halway and there is a blind lady with a seeing eye dog

>>597048305
you're a piece of shit
picking on a retarded kid when YOU dont' even have any friends.
I hope you like dying alone faggot

>>597061553
i have so many
oh god my childhood is cringe

>be just at the end of lunch period, 7th grade
>really dont want to go to class, decide to skip
>20 minutes later teachers realize im not there and send out a sped search party
>I realize theyre onto me and start switching halls to avoid them
>escape to third floor bathrooms and hide out in the boys room
>take a sharpie out of my pencil box and draw big penises on the stalls each with teacher names on them that i hate
>the biggest hairiest one belonged to mrs warren
>fucking dyke
>left the bathroom and nearly ran into one of the teachers
>stealth maneuver into the library walkway that connects to the high school
>sneak into the hs and hide out
>teacher finds me a few minutes later and grabs me
>let out a raptard screech and wriggle out of their grip
>shes literally chasing me at full speed down the hallway whie im screaming at the top of my lungs
>she tackles me to the ground
>i bite almost a literal chunk from her hand
>get suspended for a week
>no expulsion because 'bipolar hurr durr'

>>597062127
Kek'd

>>597062490
time for some tard lovin

>be me 6th grade again
>have a crush on this kid Joey
>one of the most popular boys in class oh goodness
>how do i get him to notice a nobody like me?
>get brilliant idea
>I'll do what the anime girls do and woo him with my amazing singing voice!
>go home later that day and put sonic heroes in my game cube
>go to the extra soundtracks and loop the team rose theme
>turn on my karaoke machine and pop in a blank tape
>sing team rose's theme into my karaoke machine and record me singing the song
>later that day bring the tape to school
>break into joey's locker and leave him the tape
>he catches me while im doing it
>"uhh hi joey-kun! i want you to listen to this teehee OKAY BYE"
>calls me a fucking weirdo and throws my tape away
>damn you joey you will love me...
>one day corner him in boys bathroom after school
>force him to kiss me
>"EW ANON IS TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME HELP"
>his friends pull me off of him
>"JOEY-KUN IS MINE! THAT STEPHANIE BITCH WIL NEVER HAVE YOU!!!"
>suspended for a couple days

>>597059134
fuck you, you faggot piece of shit go cut you dick off

>>597063290
now im more socially awkward than tard, heres something a little more recent

>be me in college, just get out of long term relationship
>no game whatsoever
>develop crush on one of the RAs
>he's a super video game nerd like me and eats really healthy
>how to get his attention? he's really popular...
>one day we pass by each other in the hall
>he waves, "hey anon!"
>me: "you have a nice ass."
>he stares at me like i just killed a puppy in front of him. i turned beed red and ran off like a moron.
>throughout the next couple months I would leave healthy snacks at his door like granola bars, and i knew he liked airheads so i would slip those under his door sometimes.
>i would bring him food like all the time in hopes that would garner his attention
>finally he texts me one day
>"sorry but you just pay way too much attention to me"
>find out he knew the whole time
>find out him and his friends were talking about it all the time
>get called the Food Fairy for 2 semesters
>such is life

another homotard story
> be me 7th grade the beggining of the homotard adventures
>homotard is big in school now that everyone has seen him on the internet
>he is wearing this huge gangster style gold cross that hangs to his waist
> he comes to my table and opens a bible
> he starts telling us about shit in it and we are getting pissed because we were all typical teenage atheists
> he than looks over his shoulder to yell at something and i grab his bible and shove it in my lunch bag
> he than realizes its gone and gets pissed and i say i gotta take a piss
>he than starts screaming GOD DAMN YOU to all my friends and starts chasing me
> i run for it half way around the school and throw it in an open locker thats wide open and close it
> he didnt get that thing till the end of the year because it was a non used locker that a kid that got expelled that day left open

>>597056402
mfw when neither you or i have a face. Faggot nigger jew.

WHITE POWER! HIEL HITLER!

>>597063290
Holy fuck

>>597049970
more

>>597062171
Why are you even at /b/?

>>597064019
is anyone reading this shit or should I stop posting?

>>597064948
Sup.

>>597051634
And fear not I am saving the chronicles of shit stain

>>597064948
HELL YEAH I'M READING. KEEP POSTING.

>>597054543
no, it's sunday

>be me in pre school
>i was fascinated wth guns and army
> i lived in cali everyone is sensative out there
> went to a new christian preschool
> someone stole my last apple slice or somthing
> i jumped on the table and yelled
>IM GONNA BLOW ALL YOU BULLSHITS UP
> i got kicked out there on the spot

>>597057356
you fucking nigger. WHERES THE BOTTOM TO THAT PICTURE.

>>597055141
are you sure you're not the tard?

>>597065997
read his fucking post dipshit
>being a tard in a tard thread

more stories from the weird weeb chick
trying so hard to remember all this shit. the cringe is painful.

>be 6th grade
>outside during lunch period. there's usually a little time after lunch to go outside and play or run around.
>sitting on stairs with my sketchbook minding my own business when suddenly wild pack of boys appear
>"hey weirdo what are you drawing"
>get really defensive, "nothing you fucking morons now go the fuck away before I stab all of you"
>one of them tries to grab my sketch book and starts yelling ANON IS DRAWING PORN! ANON IS DRAWING PORN!
>this infuriates me and I stand up, "SHUT UP ERIC I WILL FUCKING END YOUR LIFE"
>they mock me, not taking me seriously
>one of them manages to grab my sketch book and rip out a page
>rage mode engaged
>i growl threateningly and lunge at the taller boy
>PUT DOWN MY SKETCH BOOK YOU BAKA!!
>leave a good scratch on his face, ditch him and start chasing the smaller boy Eric with all my might
>we're both screaming and i tackle him into the mud
>just start grabbing grass and mud and sticks and start shoving them into his face
>ditch him and move onto the third boy
>BRENDAN!!! i scream with the fury of 1000 retarded suns
>he bolts into the baseball field
>teachers have been deployed, too late fuckers
>have brendan pinned to the ground and knee him in the nuts repeatedly
>rip my sketchbook from him and beat his face with it
>teachers pull me off of brendan and drag me into principals office
>mom got called, in school suspension for 4 days and extensive detention, anger counselling
>dont touch my fucking sketchbook

>>597055141
da fuck did i just read we should be making a tard story about you

>>597064019
I'm reading and intrigued

dont touch your sketchbook gotcha 597066508

>>597066508
God damn can we be friends XD

>>597067441
Do you have Christmas in France?

Not much of a tard story but more like a just wtf...

>be 6th (?) Grade
>in music class and have to piss
Music class is in the hall with 1st- 3rd grade
>get to bathroom and use urinal a few down from a youngin
>youngin pants and underwear are in the ground
>after a few seconds another youngin same age comes in AND USES THE SAME FUCKING URINAL
>they start talking to each other like it's nothing new
That day I learned that when it comes down to it size isn't everything and fingers taste funny after bathroom

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more weeb

>be 9th grade I think? obsessed with runescape at the time. poured my life into it
>first day of 9th grade we have to bring something to class that means a lot to us
>forgot my assignment as usual so i do a quick shitty anime drawing of my runescape character
>level 36 or 46 at the time so i had one of those stupid witch costumes on, but weeby me draw it all "sexy"
>catches the attention of a boy in the class, justin. he says he likes my drawing
>he's equally as weeb
>we start dating, oh lawd
>a few months into it we distance like normal teenagers and i turn into a little bit of a psycho ex
>a little bit is an understatement
>desperately try and fix what went wrong but he aint havin it
>he sends me an email explaining that he really wants nothingto do with me anymore
>I flip my lid and reply with the most violent thing i can think of
>he sends it to the principal and everyone else in school
>ISS for 3 days
>we end up in this looooong drawn out fight over the next couple years
>pic semi-related it's how my drawings used to look. too bad i dont have the runescape doodle anymore

>>597068433
Fuck if I know I'm no dirty Frenchman

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>junior year of art class
>tard sits next to us because we like to bullshit him
>tells story about how he dual wields shotguns on his 4 wheeler and kills deers
>makes a bretty funny face of what the deer's face looked like dead
>his handler goes to the bathroom
>tell him to grab her tits when she comes back in and make the face
>mfw he does it
>gets in incredible amount of trouble
>tard tells everyone we told him to do it
>deny it up and down all day
>mfw he was forced to apologize to us and write a letter to us for "lying"

>be 11 at the time
>parents are retarded
>mom isn't too bad retarded but still slow
>mom takes me to the mall so I van get clothes
>mom leaves me there
>police take me home
>mom gets a warning and told that's wrong
>mom beats me for being a tattle tell

I have more retards rarely get their children taken away

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>>597069625
>having retarded parents

I'm so so sorry

>>597069964
Yeah.....its really bad

>>597069625
post more please

>>597069625
>be 13 at the time
>officially I am my parents wrangler
>brother is also retarded
>its Christmas time
>family wants to see Santa! Yeah they believe in him
>go to Walmart to the mall again
>dad and brother rush to him
>40 year old man running screaming for Santa followed by a 11 year old
>have to chase after them
>dad tries to cut in line
>brother jumps over the railing near Santa and tries and open all the fake gifts
>I have to escort them to the car with mall security

>be me in 7th grade
>every Wednesday after school they sell Mickey Mouse ice cream bars to raise money for sports or some shit
>waiting in line for that Mickey Mouse goodness
>hear a tard screech from the bathroom near by
>now turning into a roar
>bathroom door flies open and out come Lips the tard
>he's a short little fuck that has the biggest lips we had ever seen
>he comes running out of the bathroom, no pants on and a huge raging tardon
>were talking a dick that would put most pornstars to shame
>he bolts from the bathroom and starts chasing the girls, who scream in fear while he's giving the tard ding the old tug-a-roo
>wranglers summoned
>they can't catch the speedy little fuck as he runs all over the lunchroom, with his tard dick flopping all over
>tard is wrangled
>back to my ice cream bar
>never saw Lips again

>>597070973
Sorry mall I drunk...

>>597070973
kek'd so hard

>>597070973
>retard parents
>officially I am my parents wrangler
>brother is also retarded

Why does God hate you, Anon?

>be me at 16 high school stoner
> go to friends house smoke some weed and me half a cig
> put the cig on top of my ear for later
>im stoned forget its there
> go back to his house his mom sees it throws "holy water'' on me and starts screaming for her husband
> he comes into the room me and friend baked and really confused
>dad gets mad and picks up the first thing he sees
> grabs a squash and is gonna hit my friend with it
> realizes he has a squash puts it down and tells me to leave
> apparently i am the anti Christ because i was smoking her sons weed and i forgot a ciggeret on my ear parental tards

>>597046563
>mfw
>Picture of retard
Are you trying to say that you're also retarded?

>>597048305
>>597049970
>>597051634
>>597053590
>>597055164
> mfw
> mfw
> mfw
> mfw
> mfw
> never once posts any face

and thats when lips knew he fucked up >>597071086

>>597070973
>same age
>having to get used to wrangling
>have to bribe dad with cigarettes to stop tard issues
>mom's mother is sick
>she does all the female stuff with my mom
>she calls and tells me my mom needs tampons and pads
>go and buy them with what money I have
>my mom opens the tampon box and just shreds all of them with her hands as its fun
>she beats me and makes me go buy more
>have to beg strangers to get them..

>>597054642
i remember. Top kek

>>597072429
damn dude, that was a dark turn there

>>597072986
Most my stories are sadly

>>597064019
Holy fuck your levels of autism are so high. Welcome home anon.

>8th grade
>gym class, gymnastics unit
>end of the unit we had to pick something to get graded on, like rings, uneven bars, floor exercises
>that's where PJ and Debbie come into play
>PJ is a kinda Aspie, real greasy and awkward, Debbie is some kind of tard that pisses herself everyday
>Debbie's parents should have bought the bitch some diapers but didn't
>tards flock together so they are friends
>PJ and Debbie are going to do a floor routine together for gym
>disgonnabegood.jpg
>they start their routine
>Debbie standing, and they go to do this part where she pulls PJ between her legs and then goes into a roll
>strain of lifting/pulling makes Debbie piss right on PJ as she passed underneath
>PJ screams, startles Debbie who lets loose a geyser of piss
>routine over
>gym class over
>no one goes near the gym mats again
>PJ and Debbie known as the golden girls for the rest of the year

>>597073177
DID YOU EVER FUCKING LEAVE?

>>597073522
fucking this

>>597066508
>have brendan pinned to the ground and knee him in the nuts repeatedly
That's awesome, he deserved it.

Also how fucked up is it that if I was him that would just turn me on (after the agony went away)?

>>597060836
I think I got a few somewhere

>>597051634
You got sexually harassed by a retard.

A tard made you his bitch

Good job.

>>597053013
nottrue/10

>>597072429
>be 15
>I've gotten a good grasp on wrangling by now
>mom makes me drive which is ok she can't read well and shouldn't ever drive
>parents really want McDonald's
>drive them there and let them order
>dad gets two happy meals for two toys
>mom gets some burger they don't have anymore
>brother gets a happy meal
>toys are the battlebots from that show
>dad and brother start ramming each others toys
>dad decides to fucking run and hit my brother's
>before I can get up and stop him my dad just fucking slams his fist into my brother with tard strength and momentum
>brothers hand fucking breaks
>dad just thinks its hilarious and calls him a cry baby

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haypil

>>597073522
My parents? Yeah but I can't live too far away now my brother raped a 5 year old so my parents need my help

>>597064019
The fucking food fairy

>>597071086
>tardon
I can't be the only one that lost their shit.

>>597074560
What. The. Fuck. HE RAPED A 5 YEAR OLD.

>>597068997
These are entertaining. moar please

>>597074560
Story? Like what happened to your brother and how did the kid turn out? Male or female? And was it bad enough that someone needed their ass stitched shut? I'd like to know the severity of the situation and the resulting punishments. And where you live (country, state/county/etc. if you wish).

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When I was in 11th grade, I was that bigger kid that didn't talk so keep this in mind
>start of school year teacher is cool
>start the class normal but midway through we do this beach ball shit
>beach ball had shit written on it and we had to answer stuff like what would we do with a million dollars n shit
>everyone doing it but of course they miss me
>but the teachers helper points it out
>Everyone looks at me and then the teacher throws the ball
>so I get the question if you where dating someone and you could cheat on them would you
>everyone knew I didn't have a girlfriend
>so I say what everyone thinking
>I say "Yes I would but I couldn't cheat on my right hand"
>class fucking dead silent efw I said it
>teacher says okay and says hand the ball back
>walk up to her and drop the ball and ask her for a handshake
>everyone still dead silent she says no of course
>go back to seat and bell rings

>>597075758
I don't know what happened as I had moved away at the time but it was a daughter of a church worker and my brother raped her, he's still awaiting trial

>>597075984
I would have laughed anon. Good one

This is my tard story. This was back in the eighties before bullying was frowned upon. Kids today are soft and can't deal but fuck it. Anyways, the retard ' s name was Quinn Carouso. He wore coke bottom glasses, walked like a gimp and his hands always flailed around at his wrists. He would drool and spaz out and start rocking forwards and backwards when he sat and got excited or angered. When he'd walk between classes, we'd take turns tripping him. Me and my friends. He'd fall and his books and folders went all over the place. Everyone else would watch and laugh. This was middle school, so things were fairly harsh. Again, not today's "everyone is special and deserves cuddling" mentality. We would ask him about God in class. He claimed there was no God. We'd fuck with him by saying that's understandable, that you have that outlook, since you are a retarded. He would begin his rocking and his voice would get all crazy. He'd respond with telling us there is no God and we were all created by gasses. We would respond to his comment that he is wrong and is going to burn in hell after he dies. Then we would say other things like how his mother must have disgusted god to give her such a retarded son. He'd flip out and start clapping his hands really hard but in a clumsy retarded way. He'd get in trouble for the outbursts we caused and he'd get sent to the office. In gym we'd throw balls to him and just watch them hit him. But he kept going. One time we sat in the bleachers of the gym. Fridays were a free day. Quinn loved girls like any teen boy would. The girl's gym class would join us guys and we just socialize. My friends and I convinced Quinn that the girls love seeing big hard dicks. So he pulled his cock out, started tugging on it then proceeded to approach the girls. The laughter from us guys seemed to mix with screams of the girls and the noise of the coaches whistles blowing made him fall to the floor and made him go into a seizure.

>>597074560
>my brother raped a 5 year old
Where for arte thou, sides?

Do you even greentext?

It's not uncommon as a teacher to have students who are a bit behind the curve in certain aspects, but 99.99999% of the time they are keen on something. They might not understand how to identify a noun or what theme is, but they somehow know how to make a mean plate of nachos. You learn pretty quick to not judge fish for their tree climbing ability, ya know?
I thought this was the rule when I was teaching until I met Kevin. Kevin isn't his real name, but it doesn't matter because he can't spell it anyway. Kevin was a student of mine during my last year of teaching. He came to my classroom with very little to show for his academic past. He had moved a few times and thus was missing a lot of typical test scores that we use to try and ballpark their ability (Don't worry, it was a ballpark.....we didn't make major decisions until we actually had a chance to talk and work with a student for a bit.) I thought "That's fine. I'll just do some one-on-one with Kevin and see what's up" One on One with kevin was like conversing with someone who'd forgotten everything in a freak, if not impossible, amnesia incident. There was no evidence that he had learned anything past the 2nd grade....and now he was in 9th grade. Flabbergasted, I figured we needed to get more serious with this. If he was going to be in my class, I needed to know why and how.

>>597077742
I decided to meet with him, his guidance counselor, his parents, and another teacher to see what was really going on. This is where it all became clear. It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn't been wiped off the face of the Earth years ago. Odds are his entire heritage was based on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves his family every time a threat presents itself. Kevin was the genetic pinnacle of this null achievement. Even my instructional lead, a woman who could find a redeeming trait in a Balrog, failed to see any reason this kid or his family should be alive today.

So here's a list of events that made it abundantly clear that god exists and he's laughing uncontrollably:
Kevin frequently forgot when/where class was. On more than one occasion, I had to retrieve him from other classrooms.
Kevin ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next day. This is 9th grade. I have no idea where he got crayons.
Kevin's dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me...his English teacher. This was a public school. When I gave it back to Kevin, voided, to give to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school, Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school.
Kevin was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire....twice
Kevin threw his lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. He ran into a door and insisted it wasn't him.
Kevin stole my phone during class. I called it. It rang. He denied that it was ringing. (Not that it wasn't his, not that he did it.....no, he denied that the phone was actually ringing). He tried it three times before the end of the year.
Kevin called the basketball coach a "Motherfucking Bitch" during gym. Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. Kevin tried out. It didn't go well.
Kevin's mom could never remember which school he went to. She missed several meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which he ever went to)
Kevin tazed himself in the neck before a football game
Kevin kept a bottle of orange koolaide in his backpack for about 4 months. He thought it would turn into alcohol. He drank it during homeroom and threw up.
Kevin say the N-word a lot. Kevin was white. The highschool was 84% black. Kevin got beat up a lot.

>>597078001
Kevin stole another student's Iphone....and tried to sell it back to them.
Kevin didn't understand that his grade was dependent on tests, quizzes, homework, classwork, and participation. Kevin finished his first semester with a 3% average. He tried to bribe me with $11.
Kevin spit on a girl and said "You should get out of those wet clothes". The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher.
Kevin didn't know dogs and cats were different animals.
Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library.....at the circulation desk....while he was logged on.
Kevin asked a girl to prom (he was in 9th grade and freshmen don't go to prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her his address
Kevin got gum in his hair, constantly.
Kevin regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over, grabbing one before I had picked them all up, and then writing it name on it wherever there was room.
Kevin had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember what they were. They were very concerned that "the holiday party" (it's high school, we don't have those) would have peanuts. When they finally got a doctor's note....he was allergic to amoxicillin
Kevin and his parents took a trip to Nassau (how the fuck did they even get airline tickets?) and forgot all their luggage at home. I didn't believe him when he told me until I talked to him mom, who told me 1st thing when I saw her at the bi-weekly meeting.
Kevin's grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. I can only assume God was looking the other way that day.

>>597077415
Stopped reading after
>hey kids old man here back in my day we used to fuck each other in the ass for pleasure but it wasnt gay but you youngins wouldnt get it cos ykids today are soft and can't deal

>>597066508
Lillian?

>>597078082
Butthurt? Need a hug?

okay i have one
>be me 3rd grade
> in the lunch room have a friend lets call him mike
> so mike is telling me about the tard at the table and how he is going to prank her he does not tell me how
> so i see him with something in his hand it looks like a bag and he blows into to it and goes up to the tard and pops it in her ears tard >looks at him and punches him with maximum tard strength and shits herself tard wrangler drags her away while she is crying her eyes out and >mike gets suspended did not see mike for a week

One time an autist in my class kissed his (male, semi-retard) friend during break, and they both cried. Then he was caught masturbating later during class.

Fucking niggers

>>597078638
yes

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>>597072129

>mfw people use 'mfw' without a picture.

Do they think it means "mother fucking win"? or do they use it without even knowing what it means?

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>>597048579
You know it's your fucking job to report that kind of shit to your supervisors right? Worked with tards for 3 years. If potato gets feelings for you, it's not only stupid, but dangerous to keep working with the potato. You increase your chances of being convicted on a false rape charge to continue working with that person. Not only that but it takes a toll on their sanity being constantly rejected but teased every day. I've seen clients kill themselves over it. It's not a pretty situation.

>>597069625
Jesus fucking christ

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>>597078001
>>597078066
>every line of these

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>>597074389
>shit resolution

hang urslf

>>597057356
htps://archive.moe/r9k/thread/10977790/#10978253 deleted t from https heres the archive

>>597077415
You're just an asshole.

Also, learn how to greentext, retard.

>>597046563
This whole series is one big tard story.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb029LSea2w

>me be in high school
>work shitty job at convenience store thing
>downy hired as "chore boy" type deal
>new manager bitch hired
>she start flipping out
>literally having bitchfest
>downy comes up to me
>"I think she's retarded"

shit my pants.

>>597080685
meh. she was fine when I last saw her.

>>597055141
You're a faggot.

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>>597071086
>tardon
>the old tug-a-roo

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>>597048104

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Not a tard story unless you want to consider me a tard.

>be me in kindergarten
>have to fart
>fart very silently
>feel something a little wet in my pants
>ask teacher to go to restroom
>get to restroom and pull down pants in stall.
>little brown water in my underwear
Didn't know what diarrhea was at the time
>freak the fuck out.
>run to classroom and tell at teacher I'm going to the office
>call my mom say I'm not feeling well
>mfw I thought I just went per out my ass
>mfw I thought I was turning into a girl.

>>597075429
No, I'm here too.

>>597055141
i don't think YOU have the right to call someone a tard

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>>597060836
A bit late but here you go

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>Be me in high school
>Accidentally befriended a semi-tard after one conversation
>He developed a crush on me
>Sometimes he'd intercept my brother and I on our way to school, just so he could listen to our conversation
>He would actually RUN to catch up sometimes.
>He has a really bad limp (one leg shorter than the other)

Kek, We call him Forrest.

>One time he caught my brother on his own and started asking him questions about me
>"Does she drink alcohol?"
>"Does she smoke weed like her friends?"
>"No? She's a good girl"

MFW my brother wouldn't stop calling me 'Jenny' for over a month

>be in highschool
>all tards in one class, they were called the "executives" to make them feel special
>varying degrees of tard in there
>walked past classroom one day
>teacher trying to get a down syndrome girl to sit next to a full spastic girl
>mfw down syndrome girl shoves the spaz off her and yells "DONT TOUCH ME RETARD"

>>597085685
More from this school

>in a cooking class with full spaz girl (let's call her FSG)
>look over my bench and see FSG dribbling and eating a full stick of butter
>"the retard is fucking drooling miss"
>FSG's aide says "no, no her mouth is just watering because the food is so delicious"

>>597075429
I spilled my fucking drink

>>597064948
THESE ARE THE BEST THING IVE READ IN A LONG TIME ON 4CHAN!!

Keep it coming!!

>>597047277
Oh that's god tier green text, alas I don't have a pic of it.

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>>597046563
okay, i terr you stolly of Hnnghis-Khan, gleat mongoroid poet, phirrosopher, composer and wallior
>be me in fird glade
>new kid cum into crass
>big as ox, rook much stlong vely wow
>by 2 day, we rearize hnnnghis no good at math
>he say answer to sums is "potato"
>maybe has deep meaning, maybe being funny, we wirr never know
>crass burry, Jin, say to him, "hey, Hnnghis you is sirry big dim-sim"
>hnnnghis nostlir glow wide
>he ret out mighty wallior war-cly, "HNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGH!"
>big shit srip out of his sphincter flom strain of shout
>loom become vely stinky
>he leach into his pants
>take out poo
>trundles acloss loom to Jin
>grab Jin face
>shoves poo in Jin mouf
>den say, "eat shit you bidge!"
>funders shitty fists against chest
>speckles of shit fry frough air rike confetti
>regend of Hnnghis-Khan begun

>>597062171
Tards don't deserve to live, they will never contribute to society in a way that could help evolve humans

Those without friends are welcomed here on 4chan. Although, not having friends in elementary school...oh well...

>>597074360
Christ anon, why were you left with them? How did they even look after you as a babby?

>>597085170
Femanon detected

you know the drill

>>597087898
People pity them and try and help, my grandmother helped a lot but it fucked me up bad in the long run

>>597085170
Tits or gtfo

>>597088878
>>597089075
Why the sudden lockdown on this girl but not the weaboo tardlidite girl from earlier?

>>597055141
Backfired

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>>597047277
>>597087115

>>597063290
"Joey-kun is mine"
Holy fucking shit lmao

>>597088933
Did social services ever get involved?

>>597048579
Hahahahaha thinks hes a man hahahahahahaha
betashit

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>>597065965

>>597090377
Once when my dad tried to kill me after I broke a lamp, he went and got a stick that was maybe 4 feet long and beat me, he got tired swinging it and I crawled into bed.

The bus driver freaked the Fuck out and called the school because I was a 12 year old with huge bruises and cuts on my arms.

They just made my parents take this class that taught how to discipline kids, and I went to my grandmother's until they passed

>>597055141

Fart gas?! GOD DAMNIT MAT!

>>597087303
What the fuck did I just read

>>597091115
Art.

>>597069499
jesus christ i work with tards but i cant help but fucking lol at some of this shit

>>597090524
Um you suggesting I should have fucked a 250 pound tard?

>>597068997
Rs name?

>>597087303
Please an hero faggot

>>597070973
i couldn't survive with that anon. i salute you

>>597053484
>saw her at woolies
Hahah

>>597075984
Cringed so hard my fuck

>>597090893
Wtf!!

>>597086296
lol

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>>597078436
>>597078436
Jesus christ. Even if her name isn't Lillian, she should be officially known as Lillian the Hedgehog. That name just somehow fits her

>>597053484
>half an extra chromosome
>wut.jpg

>>597089601
That was the greatest thing i have ever seen on 4chan.

Thank you

>>597064948
Keep on going anonette.
>this reminds me of old /b/
>not 1 fag has said tits or gtfo
>because we are all assholes in this thread and want to hear OC tard stories.
I'm proud to call you my /b/ros.

>be me in grade 10 chemistry class
>total sperglord in class
>like fucking spergmeister spergalicious definition bullshit
>hippie girl in class too
>wasp comes in, scares off 88 pound hippie girl
>tard jumps between wasp and her and shouts
>"STAND BACK, I WILL PROTECT YOU!"
>she shouts "Get away from me!"
>Im trying my hardest not to laugh and just focus on covalent bonds or whatever
>they have both transferred out by next class
>slut with huge tits gets transferred in
>everything_was_aight.mpeg

>>597046563
damn in what country do you live, where tards are even allowed to go to normal schools?!

Well I am enjoying these stories, and I have no funny or dumb ones. I have a feel one and a annoying one
>be in k-4th
>kid named chris who is mute
>other than that dairly normal
>has that tard look but never acts like it
>naturally, someone who can't talk I become semi friends with
>hang out with him all those 5 years
>in 3rd or 4th, one recess I just sat there and told him
>talk man. Do it. Say something
>literally 20 min straight of me doing this
>he makes like this grunt kinda noise
>and signals me to high five
>thinking back I almost tear up
And annoying tard
>renald
>mostly normal, super fucking high pitched weird voice
>from k-9th FUCKING GRADE
>every time that little bastard sees me
>loudly says "Hi Joe"

I really wanted to beat his ass a few times, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
Even though I blatantly ignored him since 4th grade, he never fucking stopped
>fuck you renald

>>597095083
Was that talk thing a bro moment?

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>>597094902
This tard, was in high school when i was, we had a "hat day" fundraiser thingy, he wore this Fedora.

>He punched a girl because she made a Justin beiber joke, his name isn't even justin.
>one of my friends made weird voices occasionally, he would get really pissed whenever he did a voice
>we played UNO one day, he thought it was his turn, when we told him it was my turn he grabbed the deck and pelted it at me.
>he stalked the girl he punched constantly
>he acts like we're his friends.

>pic related, it's him

>>597055164
This guy is a liar. Autistics don't have friends or sex because they fear human touch you fucking retard.

>>597095636
Punched a girl? Multiple times? And stalked her?
Jesus christ

>>597095636
Why is everyone dressed the same at your school? Is it a school for serial killers?

>>597087588
I never understood how /b/ calls for the extermination of Jews and blacks when retards are actually far worse in a lot of cases.

God, I hate retards.

>>597095922
He stalked her constantly, i think he had a crush on her.
He punched her in the face because the group of friends i was in were making justin beiber jokes, his name is "Jayden"
He took offense to that somehow.

>>597096113
Australian public school, we had a uniform.

Aw man. I got one I remember fondly
>be me
>second or third grade
>tards mixed with normal kids at this school
>most tards are pretty laid back.
>a select few are emotional as shit. Would cry easily or throw tantrums easily
>but this one tard was pretty hostile
>let's call him doofus
>doofus attacks people at random
>going for their throats and slapping and shit
>admin doesn't give a shit because he's "special"
>doofus discovers me, and makes it his personal mission to attack me on sight.
>been attacked numerous times at lunch and on playground
>been attacked in the classroom
>been attacked on the jungle gym
>been attacked on the money bars
>one day, I decide to stop being beta and fight back
>I walk up behind him
>tap his shoulder
>he turns around and I wave "hi" at him
>doofus instantly goes for my throat
>yay, I can hit him and get away with it
>parents taught me self defense and shit
>while he goes for my throat, I line my knee up perfectly
>I go for it
>knee doofus perfectly and deep in this tiny sterile balls
>force of my knee bounces his entire body off the ground
>shriveled in pain
>I run away
>later I get called to admin office
>get suspended
>get home, got an ass whooping and a grounding from parents for "hitting a special kid"
>fml

>>597096223
They make you wear a uniform at public school? That's some serious Nazi shit.

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>>597088878
>>597089075
>mfw newfags don't actually know the rule

>>597091223
>I work with tards
I am so sorry to hear that.

>>597089268
Because they are dumb.
Tits or gtfo is only when they want advice or have questions, and blatantly say first thing "femanon here."

When contributing, it doesn't apply.

>>597096416
Australia is a "Nanny State"
Lots of rules and restrictions.

You can't buy airsoft guns, and if you did you'd need a gun lisence.

>>597095493
Yeah pretty much.

It was cool getting a "mute" to make a sound.
The only sound I ever heard from him actually.

Never saw him after elementary. I assume he moved.

>>597096330
How was this shit even allowed?

>>597096416
A lot of American schools in areas with gang problems make you wear uniforms.
>mfw only one I went to it was
>khaki slacks
>navy or maroon polo
>no logo bigger than 1 sq. Inch on polo
Basically crips and bloods
>stupid fucking teachers

>be me in 2nd grade
>playing on the fucking playground n shit at recess
>notice my kinda friend getting beat up by some asshole in 4th grade
>this faggot is crawled on top if him punching him in the face
>teachers are on the other end of the play ground talking so they don't care
>I was on the swings being the faggot i was.
>love those swings
>I got off the swings and got really pissed off my friend is getting beat up like a bitch.
>picked up a brick from under the swing
>fucking no clue why they are there
>I looked straight at the 4th grader like he won't see this shit coming
>threwbrick.gif
>hit this fucker on the forehead on the right side
>he stopped fighting
>later in principals office
>i got scolded for trying to help my friend
>parents show up while police officer bitches at them for not teaching me better
>room gets empty
>my mother looks at me
>step dad looks at me
>step dad tells me that what i did was okay
>he said the bully deserved it
>gave me high five
>felt like i was the shit
>principal comes back in and yells that im a horrible child
>saw parents face
>they were trying hard not to laugh
>fuckyea.jpeg

>>597097175
Ha nice.
Schools do the dumbest shit possible.
>detention all day for a dirt fight with me and two kids.
>1st fucking grade
>all we did was scoop up that soft dirt on kickball/baseball fields and throw it at each other
>basically they were mad we were covered in dirt

>>597046563
>Worked at this lumber yard once
>management brought in a temp for summer
>this guy got hire half price because some gov program for yards
>this guy has it out for me because i won't let him use the forklift
>the foreman usually has my back but today he's at lunch
>he hops in a lift when i'm helping a customer
>tard hops in my lift and totals a delivery truck
>foreman gets fired for not watching the yard
>i feel bad because it was my lift so i left soon after
>now to normal workers are unemployed and tard gets the yard to himself

>>597056402
Whats yfw all you do is end in mfw but who is phone?

>>597072533
my mudafuckin nigga

>>597090893
ever heard of the movie I Am Sam?

>>597095083
funniest one in friend

>>597095636
jfc

>>597096615
im an ausfag and fuck this shit. its a good country don't get me wrong but the censorship sucks balls, considering how we came from ships of limey convicts

how has this not 404's yet

>>597099177
*thread

>>597097175
your parents are absolute fucking shit
I have nice parents but if I was dumb enough to throw a fucking brick at someone's head I'd get a well deserved beating

File: ugf.jpg (459KB, 2048x1536px) Image search: [Google]

459KB, 2048x1536px

i have another pic of him, i told him it was for something silly, it was really just for 4chan.

Bumping this glorious thread,

More stories please.

>>597101076
I'll share one of mine to keep this alive.

>be me
>have tard cousin
>always misbehaving being a little shit
>breakfast time
>tard keeps knocking food etc off table
>aunt tells him nicely to stop
>he continues
>uncle loses it and shouts at him
>tardrage.exe
>grabs handful of eggs
>squeezes with the force of 1000 suns
>egg juice sprays everywhere
>all over me, family, other cousins
>walls covered, table covered
>totally lose my shit and walk out the room laughing my ass off

>>597101729
Anyone lurking?

I have a few other mid to shit tier stories I can post before 404

>>597102015
Yep. post away

>>597102015
Yeah share away.

>>597102015
Im lurking. I have a couple I can post too. I just got here. Latefag.

>>597102238
>>597102258

Alright I'll start I guess, hopefully can get a few out before 404

>be me again
>around 14 can't remember
>friend over for food
>tard cousin being baby sat by mum
>eating dessert
>yoghurt with those chocolate balls
>shitscash.jpg
>friend starts teasing tard
>just some lighthearted banter but tard has anger issues
>I tell him to stop because cousin will lose it
>doesn't listen and makes a joke about tard being bad at vidya
>tard loses it
>fat spoonfuls of yoghurt thrown across table
>hits friend square in the face, covers walls and ceilings
>I once again lose my shit and walk away laughing my ass off whilst friend wipes yoghurt off his face and clothing

In high school I was on my robotics team, we did FIRST comoetitions. The state gave us extra funding if we had X number or tards, so my teacher got all of the best-buddies tards to come. We got a bunch of funding and got all new equipment, but for 4 years we had to chaperone these tards in the lab and occasionally show them how to make stuff so they could brag to their parents thay the tard programs at school were doing something.

>Competition season is coming to a close.
>We are in the shop less and more in the lab programming.
>About 20 tards playing tag and shit, tripping over our equipment.
> I go to the shop to get something.
> MFW i hear power tools on as I approach.
> turn on light
> mfw a tard snuck away and is all alone with all the tools out, a huge mess in the shop that I will have to clean up.
> mfw he is in the corner on yhe drill press, with a huge bit drilling into a scrap piece of wood.
> mfw when swiss cheese
i tell him to stop and turn the machine off.
> mfw when I made a tard cry
> i clean up and explain to the teacher what happened and how he couod have hurt himself.
> mfw whrnwwhen lab is locked down until competition and we have to ask for a key to do even the stupidest thing.

Those tards endangered everything and made everything so hard.

>>597103085
Sorry for autist typos, on mobile.

>>597102813
Have another, hard to remember this old stuff.

>be me
>16
>should be studying but playing vidya in room
>semi strict parents, would lose their shit if they caught me
>here door open
>fuck
>tard cousin comes in
>knows I should be studying
>we make eye contact
>I shake my head but already see the 'I'm telling' look in his eyes
>notthistime.gif
>run at that little bitch
>he screams and starts running down hall
>I catch up and trip him
>forgot about staircase
>tard goes tumbling down the stairs screaming
>mum rushes in
>tard forgets about vidya but says I tripped him
>play it off as a game of tag gone wrong
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

>>597074360
Honestly, you need to write a book about your experience, dude. So sorry you had Rio go through all this...

File: 1423213343113.gif (922KB, 400x225px) Image search: [Google]

922KB, 400x225px

>>597047726
>>do this every day for about a year til she moves away.

Jesus Christ anon

>>597103085
In that same group of tards, two were supposed to be dating or something. They were really close and always touchy feely.

> be me, mocking tard
> He says he knows sex and does it with gf
> i laugh and mock some more
> he always grabbing her ass and shit, stupid stuff from movies.
> one day after class i go out back by the stair well to make call.
> mfw tard with pants and tighty whites at ankle.
> mfw femtard against wall, fully clothed.
> mfw tard humping at the speed of a thousand suns like she owed him something.
> mfw tard has bigger dick than me.

I just turned around and left, didnt even tell teacher.

File: IMG_1589.png (54KB, 968x586px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 968x586px

It's not OC by a long shot, but i figure it fits the thread.

>>597057356
Post next half.

>>597058929

I like you.

>>597064948
Reading the Fuck out of your posts. Keep em coming femanon.

>>597099794
I hope the person you love most gets raped but you had good parents so you just give the rapist a back massage.

>Be me 6th grade
>Fat retarded albino in my gym class named josh
>He went apeshit whenever you say 'crazy'
>I go up behind him and whisper 'crazy' into his ear
>He turns around looks at me and shrieks and starts chasing me
>Mfw he falls over and starts crying

>>597047277
Ahh a tale of the ages. That shit should be adapted into a broadway musical or something.

>captcha: icumboat chanics

File: 1423373248769.jpg (13KB, 228x211px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 228x211px

>>597079861
They are the true tards of this thread.

>>597057356
Where's the rest? I got really involved in the story.

>>597055164

> minecraft shirt

Instantly thought underage &B

> mfw minecraft released in 09
> mfw im old as fuck and taking a shit reading all this bullshit
> mfw also not posting a face

>>597066508
if i wasnt taken, id ask you to marry me

>>597079861
I think the face is implied when they do that. They expect you to make up a face you'd assume would fit, or some shit.

>>597079861
it means 'mother fucker what?' you true tard

context - 'dude i fucked your sister last night...'
'mother fucker what?!'

>>597107924
Good work Sherlock.

Happy shitting /b/ro

Background:
I got put in a day class in late elementary/middle/high school because of a cunt principal whom felt intellectually threatened by my ten year old self. Also, I told her to shove a cactus in her twat and die.

>Ride the short bus to school because free and HS was 14 miles away
>My class mostly crims, depression cases, high functioning autist.
>Be me, was 15, pushing bootleg music and software in school, friends moving weed and a little coke
Story Tiem.
>This cunt (L) is a smelly obese KFC posterchild for white trash.
>L walks in one day fourty-five minutes late to class, eating chicken from a KFC bucket.
>The reek of three day KFC fills the room
>Teacher asks L to finish up and throw it away, obviously.
>She screams about "chicken rape" and throws a chicken leg at teach
>School cop runs in a few seconds later (His office shared a wall with this room)
>She spits on him, gets rek't by good guy school cop
>She's cuffed, fighting back still
>He shackles her with a second cuff set, carries her out
>Hear her screaming about the cop raping her
>She now has a feminist blog
>Turns out she's autist
>Her mom's a psycho feminazi whom assaulted her father
>Glad I was in the fucked up classes, got free entertainment almost daily.

>>597108991
check ma dubs

>>597109764
check ma time dubs

>>597078840
Nigger, was hit name Brett?

>>597109273
Dump moar