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funniest greentext story?

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 188
Thread images: 151

funniest greentext story?
>>
>woke up
>was a hot day
>went outside
>gotwarm.jpg
>went back inside
>was a great day
>>
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>>596858630
I choose randomly from my text folder.
>>
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>>596858630
>>
>>596858630
"The Pooping Bandit" was a classic.
>>
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>>596858630
dumping text folder
>>
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>>596858630
1/?
>>
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2/?
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>>596858630
3/?
>>
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>>596858630
4/?
>>
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5/?
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>>596861308
6/?
Should I continue dumping?
>>
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>>
>>596861418
Yas but no sads plz
>>
>>596858630
>Be me
>12 years old
>Have a best friend, lets call him Marshall
>Marshall and I are the best fucking friends you ever saw
>Live in the same neighborhood, so we hang out at eachothers houses every day
>We play vidya, talk girls, watch wrestling, and just in general hang out
>Puberty starts to work its magic on both of us at around the same time
>We do the normal stuff, examine body parts we thought were just utilitarian, become curious about what's under girls skirts
>Hanging out one day (Winter I think? We were dressed with coats and sweaters n' shit) with Marshall at my house
>My mom fed us dinner and then left us in the living room watching TV while she went to the kitchen to wash dishes and clean up
>Watching Comedy Central
>South Park is hilarious to us
>Then Victoria's secret commercial comes on
>Makes me feel funny, kind of like butterflies in my stomache stuff and kind of tingly in my pants
>Recall something my big bro told me about puberty
>Said something along the lines of "Look, I know you're gonna jerk off and watch porn and shit, just do it discreetly
>Come to think of it my brother was kind of a dick
>Ask Marshall what porn is
>He said his parent's said it's pictures of naked ladys (he had found one of his dad's Playboys a couple of weeks ago
>Ask him what it's for
>He says he doesn't know, but that the pictures make him feel funny in his "peepee" (the shit we used to call are dicks amirite?)
>Realize I've never seen anyone's other then my own
>Ask him if I could see it
>Recall my mother telling me that if a stranger asks to see my penis to turn and run, but we're friends so I thought it was OK
>He says sure
>Kicks off his pants and superman print undies
>See a little boy chode in front of me
>I feel really weird all of a sudden from lookin at it
>palms are sweaty
>knees weak, arms are heavy
>It's all on my sweater already
>mom's spaghetti

And that's the story of how I missed my one opportunity and let it slip instead of capturing it.
>mfw
>>
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7/?
>>
>>596861418
lurking
>>
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8/?
>>
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9/?
>>
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10/?
>>
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11/?
>>
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12/?
>>
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13/?
>>
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14/?
>>
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15/?
>>
>>596862666
Lel
>>
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16/?
>>
>>596861936
nice
>>
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17/?
>>
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18/?
>>
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19/?
>>
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20/?
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21/?
>>
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22/?
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23/?
>>
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24/?
>>
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25/?
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26/?
>>
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>>596858630
One of my first greentexts i ever read. Good memories
>>
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27/?
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>>596858630
i love me some pickles
>>
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28/?
>>
>>596863573
3spooky5me
>>
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>>596865175
You've got quite a folder. I'dshow mine but I can't organize on account that I use a tablet.
>>
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29/?
>>
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multiply the last two digits of your post and thats how many pushups to do you fat fuck.
>>
>>596865530
shit my bad
>>
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30/?
>>
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31?
>>
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32/?
>>
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33/?
>>
>>596860683
holy shit, I did not need this. The feels.
>>
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34/?
>>
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35/?
>>
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36/?
>>
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37/?
>>
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>>
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38/?
>>
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39/?
>>
>>596866790
props to that OP for taking the time to make those pics
>>
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40/?
>>
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41/?
>>
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42/?
>>
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43/?
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44/?
>>
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45/?
>>
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46/?
I know no sad stuff, but this starts funny, hen goes sad, then goes better. Enjoy
>>
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>>596860683
I came here to laugh, not to feel
>>
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47/?
>>
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> be me a few years ago
> work at shitty ass local buffet
> be some major muslim holiday like ramadan or some shit
> sandnigs E V E R Y W H E R E
> put out pork ribs and wait
> a family of 5 mussys walk in
> itsabouttogodown.jpg
> the kids come up look at ribs clearly dont read warning sign telling users it has pork and grab a few to try
> THE FAMILY EATS LIKE 5 PANS
> im laughing my ass off the whole time
> at the end of the visit the father comes up and ask me in his terrible version of english what was he eating so he could buy em
> trying not to smerk i told em they were pork ribs
> his face instantly makes a 180
> im pretty sure hes about to jump the counter and cut me
> starts screaming alah holockbar to manager
> manager told him there was a warning sign and that its his own fault
> they leave
> mfw i made a family of 5 go to hell
> feelsgoodman.jpg
>>
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>>596858630
>I was only 9 years old
>I loved the cancer banana so much, I had all the .jpgs and .webms
>I eat so many bananas every night before bed, thanking them for the life I've been given
>"Cancer is love" I say; "Cancer is life"
>My dad hears me and calls me a faggot
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for the banana
>I called him a cunt
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I'm crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it's really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It's the cancer banana
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear "I really really like this image."
>He grabs me with his powerful banana hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I'm ready
>I spread my ass-cheeks for the cancer banana
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for the dank memes
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please the banana
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his potassium
>The radiation gives me anus cancer
>My dad walks in
>The banana looks him straight in the eyes and says "It's all yours my friend."
>The banana leaves through my window
>Cancer is love. Cancer is life.
>>
>>596865096
does this one continue?
>>
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48/?
>>
>>596869158 I have no ideea, that's all I found here...ask some /b/ros, maybe they know
49/?
>>
>>596868847
lol. In highschool, we got the muslim kid to eat pork fried rice by telling him it was chicken fried rice. He fucking loved it. When we told him what it really was, he made himself throw it up.
He's prolly going to bomb us all one day. But it was worth it.
>inb4 cool story bro
>>
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>>596869482
forgot the fucking pic
49/?
>>
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doesn't exactly fit the criteria but fuck it
>>
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>>596868981
Crying, the tears are all yours my friend.
>>
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50/?
>>
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51/?
>>
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52/?
>>
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>>596861717
Fuck off with the feels
>>
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53/?
>>
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54/?
>>
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>>596870188
>>
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>>596870347
>>
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55/?
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56/?
>>
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57/?
>>
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58/?
>>
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59/?
>>
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60/?
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61/?
>>
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62/?
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63/?
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64/?
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65/?
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66/?
>>
67/?
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>>596871959
fucking picture....
>67/?
>>
>>596861211
holy fuck I lost big time
>>
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68/?
>>
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69/?
>>
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70/?

I'm going out for a cigg, gonna continue when I come back
>>
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71/?

Keep the thread alive till I come back
>>
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72/?

Back
>>
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73/?
>>
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74/?
>>
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75/?

Anyone lurking?
>>
>>596873749
Yes
>>
File: 1409005955158.jpg (159KB, 960x640px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409005955158.jpg
159KB, 960x640px
76/?
>>
File: 1409006051725.jpg (259KB, 752x2000px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409006051725.jpg
259KB, 752x2000px
77/?
>>
File: 1409006255618.jpg (92KB, 800x705px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409006255618.jpg
92KB, 800x705px
78/?
>>
File: 1409006284529.jpg (3MB, 2040x8832px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409006284529.jpg
3MB, 2040x8832px
79/?
>>
File: 1409006521199.jpg (38KB, 531x406px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409006521199.jpg
38KB, 531x406px
80/?
>>
File: 1409006763382.jpg (124KB, 604x930px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409006763382.jpg
124KB, 604x930px
81/?
>>
File: 1422384953547.jpg (4KB, 235x223px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1422384953547.jpg
4KB, 235x223px
>>596863573
This genuinely is terrifying to me
>>
File: 1409007258638.jpg (62KB, 792x576px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409007258638.jpg
62KB, 792x576px
82/?
>>
File: 1409007683776.gif (132KB, 1000x1200px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409007683776.gif
132KB, 1000x1200px
83/?
>>
File: 1409009766474.jpg (72KB, 750x252px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409009766474.jpg
72KB, 750x252px
84/?
>>
File: 1409012339209.png (179KB, 780x1092px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409012339209.png
179KB, 780x1092px
85/?
>>
File: 1409012506274.png (73KB, 895x458px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409012506274.png
73KB, 895x458px
86/?
>>
>>596865115
I've been searching for this for months. Thanks anon
>>
File: 1409012594207.png (171KB, 1024x736px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409012594207.png
171KB, 1024x736px
87/?
>>
File: 1409012738969.png (334KB, 1152x824px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409012738969.png
334KB, 1152x824px
88/?
>>
File: 1409013152623.jpg (81KB, 781x855px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409013152623.jpg
81KB, 781x855px
89/?
>>
File: 1409017968540.jpg (68KB, 702x254px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409017968540.jpg
68KB, 702x254px
90/?
>>
>>596868738
good read. And thx for posting all this, 10/10
>>
File: 1409066017139.png (647KB, 1346x1600px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409066017139.png
647KB, 1346x1600px
91/?
>>
>>596862771
10/10
>>
File: 1409067721854.jpg (19KB, 598x285px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409067721854.jpg
19KB, 598x285px
>>596876326
You're welcome anon
92/?
>>
File: 1422528365391.jpg (7KB, 267x323px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1422528365391.jpg
7KB, 267x323px
>>596867865
God fucking dammit I lost
>>
File: 1409070805536.png (885KB, 905x911px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409070805536.png
885KB, 905x911px
93/?
>>
File: 1409070847253.jpg (100KB, 586x542px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409070847253.jpg
100KB, 586x542px
94/?
>>
File: 1409071016072.jpg (159KB, 1418x886px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409071016072.jpg
159KB, 1418x886px
95/?
>>
File: fag.png (406KB, 768x1702px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
fag.png
406KB, 768x1702px
>>596867865
>>
File: 1409071970334.jpg (52KB, 643x559px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409071970334.jpg
52KB, 643x559px
96/?
>>
File: 1409072135791.jpg (86KB, 624x564px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409072135791.jpg
86KB, 624x564px
97/?
>>
File: 1397279058458.gif (3MB, 450x450px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1397279058458.gif
3MB, 450x450px
>>596860683
Holy fuck. That's one of the most infuriating things I've ever heard.
>>
File: 1409072224686.jpg (487KB, 597x1636px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409072224686.jpg
487KB, 597x1636px
98/?
>>
File: 1409073782434.png (9KB, 480x173px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409073782434.png
9KB, 480x173px
99/?
>>
>>596860683
right in the feels.
>>
File: 1409172986944.jpg (35KB, 546x323px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409172986944.jpg
35KB, 546x323px
100/?
>>
File: 1409205548795.png (825KB, 1878x2217px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409205548795.png
825KB, 1878x2217px
101/?
>>
File: 1409328816281.png (304KB, 1795x1076px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409328816281.png
304KB, 1795x1076px
102/?
>>
File: 1409334901721.jpg (289KB, 768x1764px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409334901721.jpg
289KB, 768x1764px
103/?
>>
File: 1409335215730.png (137KB, 555x639px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409335215730.png
137KB, 555x639px
104/?
>>
File: 1409335617424.png (350KB, 750x600px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409335617424.png
350KB, 750x600px
105/?
>>
File: 1409335670419.jpg (73KB, 788x567px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409335670419.jpg
73KB, 788x567px
106/?
>>
File: 1409335731972.jpg (41KB, 640x537px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409335731972.jpg
41KB, 640x537px
107/?
>>
>>596863573
> living with grandma and her parents
how the fuck is that even possible
>>
File: 1409336176983 (1).jpg (2MB, 4000x3584px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409336176983 (1).jpg
2MB, 4000x3584px
108/?
>>
File: 1409336330721.jpg (937KB, 1322x4167px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409336330721.jpg
937KB, 1322x4167px
109/?
>>
File: 1409336396138.png (77KB, 1190x367px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409336396138.png
77KB, 1190x367px
110/?
>>
File: 1410450458978.jpg (407KB, 1588x1280px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450458978.jpg
407KB, 1588x1280px
111/?
If this post ends in 111 I dump my entire text folder
>>
File: 1410450499694.jpg (140KB, 780x916px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450499694.jpg
140KB, 780x916px
112/?
>>
File: 1410450587590.jpg (864KB, 1581x1914px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450587590.jpg
864KB, 1581x1914px
113/?
>>
File: 1410450589511.png (60KB, 379x509px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450589511.png
60KB, 379x509px
114/?
>>
File: 1410450650744.jpg (85KB, 1024x600px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450650744.jpg
85KB, 1024x600px
115?
Any lurkers?
>>
File: 1410450653170.jpg (47KB, 750x600px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450653170.jpg
47KB, 750x600px
116/?
>>
File: 1410450661214.png (222KB, 1136x636px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450661214.png
222KB, 1136x636px
117/?
>>
>>596874446
Fucking genius
>>
File: 1410450720175.png (123KB, 666x589px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450720175.png
123KB, 666x589px
118/?
>>
>>596880176
lurkin
>>
>>596880176
I'm still here...
>>
File: 844.jpg (37KB, 600x751px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
844.jpg
37KB, 600x751px
>>596868981
The one and only time this fucking banana has ever made me laugh
>>
File: 1410450784118.png (88KB, 1321x694px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450784118.png
88KB, 1321x694px
119/?
>>
>>596880568
kek'd
>>
File: 1410450887623.png (165KB, 1280x581px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410450887623.png
165KB, 1280x581px
120/?
>>
File: 1410451150866.jpg (161KB, 1024x1180px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410451150866.jpg
161KB, 1024x1180px
121/?
>>
>>596879707
Do it anyway you have some really good stuff and this entire thread is 300% you
>>
File: 1410451562503.jpg (65KB, 819x568px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410451562503.jpg
65KB, 819x568px
122/?
>>
ITT: OP is based anon providing us with most of this content.
Bravo, you glorious bastard.
>>
File: 1410451565076.jpg (49KB, 750x600px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410451565076.jpg
49KB, 750x600px
>>596881175
Alright
123/?
>>
File: 1422310593377.png (131KB, 288x339px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1422310593377.png
131KB, 288x339px
>>596860683
Man, fuck cancer.
That one really got me in the feels
>>
>>596861936
Goddamit
>>
File: 1410451667302.jpg (64KB, 1349x758px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1410451667302.jpg
64KB, 1349x758px
>>596881460
Sorry /b/ro, I ain't the OP. Saw this and decided to deliver
124/?
>>
Shit limit reached....I'm starting a new thread. Give me a sec and I post link
>>
>>596879547
fuck thats a good friend in a fucked up way. what.
>>
596882169
Come on over /b/ros
>>
>>596882169
Come on over /b/ros
>>
>>596862917
Lost hard
>>
>>596860981
wow looks like an interesting story, but ya cant see shit!
>>
>>596862771
11/10
would kek again
>>
>>596861936
good job fag
>>
>>596864298
Worth. Reading.
Thread posts: 188
Thread images: 151


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