I choose randomly from my text folder.
>12 years old
>Have a best friend, lets call him Marshall
>Marshall and I are the best fucking friends you ever saw
>Live in the same neighborhood, so we hang out at eachothers houses every day
>We play vidya, talk girls, watch wrestling, and just in general hang out
>Puberty starts to work its magic on both of us at around the same time
>We do the normal stuff, examine body parts we thought were just utilitarian, become curious about what's under girls skirts
>Hanging out one day (Winter I think? We were dressed with coats and sweaters n' shit) with Marshall at my house
>My mom fed us dinner and then left us in the living room watching TV while she went to the kitchen to wash dishes and clean up
>Watching Comedy Central
>South Park is hilarious to us
>Then Victoria's secret commercial comes on
>Makes me feel funny, kind of like butterflies in my stomache stuff and kind of tingly in my pants
>Recall something my big bro told me about puberty
>Said something along the lines of "Look, I know you're gonna jerk off and watch porn and shit, just do it discreetly
>Come to think of it my brother was kind of a dick
>Ask Marshall what porn is
>He said his parent's said it's pictures of naked ladys (he had found one of his dad's Playboys a couple of weeks ago
>Ask him what it's for
>He says he doesn't know, but that the pictures make him feel funny in his "peepee" (the shit we used to call are dicks amirite?)
>Realize I've never seen anyone's other then my own
>Ask him if I could see it
>Recall my mother telling me that if a stranger asks to see my penis to turn and run, but we're friends so I thought it was OK
>He says sure
>Kicks off his pants and superman print undies
>See a little boy chode in front of me
>I feel really weird all of a sudden from lookin at it
>palms are sweaty
>knees weak, arms are heavy
>It's all on my sweater already
And that's the story of how I missed my one opportunity and let it slip instead of capturing it.
One of my first greentexts i ever read. Good memories
You've got quite a folder. I'dshow mine but I can't organize on account that I use a tablet.
multiply the last two digits of your post and thats how many pushups to do you fat fuck.
I know no sad stuff, but this starts funny, hen goes sad, then goes better. Enjoy
> be me a few years ago
> work at shitty ass local buffet
> be some major muslim holiday like ramadan or some shit
> sandnigs E V E R Y W H E R E
> put out pork ribs and wait
> a family of 5 mussys walk in
> the kids come up look at ribs clearly dont read warning sign telling users it has pork and grab a few to try
> THE FAMILY EATS LIKE 5 PANS
> im laughing my ass off the whole time
> at the end of the visit the father comes up and ask me in his terrible version of english what was he eating so he could buy em
> trying not to smerk i told em they were pork ribs
> his face instantly makes a 180
> im pretty sure hes about to jump the counter and cut me
> starts screaming alah holockbar to manager
> manager told him there was a warning sign and that its his own fault
> they leave
> mfw i made a family of 5 go to hell
>I was only 9 years old
>I loved the cancer banana so much, I had all the .jpgs and .webms
>I eat so many bananas every night before bed, thanking them for the life I've been given
>"Cancer is love" I say; "Cancer is life"
>My dad hears me and calls me a faggot
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for the banana
>I called him a cunt
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I'm crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it's really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It's the cancer banana
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear "I really really like this image."
>He grabs me with his powerful banana hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I spread my ass-cheeks for the cancer banana
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for the dank memes
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please the banana
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his potassium
>The radiation gives me anus cancer
>My dad walks in
>The banana looks him straight in the eyes and says "It's all yours my friend."
>The banana leaves through my window
>Cancer is love. Cancer is life.
lol. In highschool, we got the muslim kid to eat pork fried rice by telling him it was chicken fried rice. He fucking loved it. When we told him what it really was, he made himself throw it up.
He's prolly going to bomb us all one day. But it was worth it.
>inb4 cool story bro
doesn't exactly fit the criteria but fuck it
I'm going out for a cigg, gonna continue when I come back
Keep the thread alive till I come back
Holy fuck. That's one of the most infuriating things I've ever heard.
If this post ends in 111 I dump my entire text folder
The one and only time this fucking banana has ever made me laugh
Man, fuck cancer.
That one really got me in the feels
Sorry /b/ro, I ain't the OP. Saw this and decided to deliver