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Ask an unlicensed doctor anything. >Will not reveal personal

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 299
Thread images: 28

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Ask an unlicensed doctor anything.

>Will not reveal personal information
>Will not reveal patients' person information
>Will tell greentext stories while waiting for questions.

------

>Just finished putting together kit, scored most of my anesthetics and such from Eastern European wholesalers/etc.
>Wonder how I'm going to find connections.
>Having a drink at the local watering hole, notice a man with his group of associates, all dressed nicer than everyone else. Talking in hushed tones.
>Notice one of them begins wincing and grabbing his side later in the evening after having a few drinks. Notice a stain on his blue button up shirt.
>Walk over. They all stare at me.
>This man is clearly injured. I would like to assist him.
>Go away or you'll get hurt.
>Bleeding guy says "Fuck it man, this hurts"
>I follow them outside and lead them to my van, I tell him to lie down on the cot and undo his shirt.
>Clearly a gunshot wound that was half-assedly stitched.
>"The wound was poorly dressed, uncovered, and the over consumption of alcohol thinned the blood causing it to bleed again. There's a high risk of infection. Was the bullet removed?
>"I don't fucking know."
>Check for exit wound.
>No exit wound, bullet is obviously still buried in his flesh.
>Prepare an IV, give him fluids, prep a shot of Morphine, administer the shot and tell him to breath slowly.
>Get out forceps, scalpel. Cut away dead skin from the wound and point the light at it. Can see fragments. Take my time and remove all fragments I can see. Guy is wincing and crying. Tell him it'll all be alright.
>Disinfect, get my suture kit. Stitch up the wound proper. Apply antibacterial ointment and wrap with gauze.
>Check his signs, he's stable.
>Look up at the other guy in the van with me
>"He'll be fine. Give him these painkillers 3 times a day with food, change the dressing twice a day and don't have him do any rigorous activity. Meet me back here in 2 weeks and I'll do a follow up.
>>
are you a faggot ?
>>
i sa w u post this in consent thread u fag
>>
>>596598519

Yeah, not my proudest moment.
>>
>>596598443
Most fucked up thing you've done?
have you raped a patient while they've been under?

also did you do plastic surgery?
>>
>>596598498

I am not.
>>
>>596598443
Was it some mafia shit?
>>
>>596598443
How much money do you make?
>>
>>596598633

I have never raped a patient while under.

I have done breast augmentation and that's about it.

The most fucked up thing I've ever done?

Abortions.
>>
>>596598842
Shit where'd you learn that?

Do you have proper tools for it or do you bust out a coathanger?
>>
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>>596598842
Abortion, go on...
>>
>>596598691

I think it was. They did come back and thank me. I'm still in contact with them and have no shortage of work from those fellows.

>>596598810

Varies according to client and job. The bullet job for example paid me 1000 dollars for about 50 bucks in material and less than an hour of work.

I've done some work for free, the most I've been paid is 15000 for a single job.

The guy was practically dead and I actually had to take him to my safehouse from the van for almost a week. He was set on fire and shot in the legs. I amputated his left leg below the knee and scored him a prosthetic. He was also permanently scarred from his crotch to his neck. No infections or complications though. He's living. Not so happy or pretty. But living.
>>
>>596599036

I have the tools. I learned it in medical school.

>>596599040

These were horrible women Jesus. Give me a break.
>>
>>596599247
more greentexts mane
>>
>>596598443
I respect what you do OP. Helping people who can't afford trips to the ER, that's fucking beautiful.

That being said: Please for the love of God, don't become a psychopath whose fetish is ripping the flesh from his patients and reforming them into some horrific freak of science.
>>
>>596599331
Okay, at least tell me this:
How late was your latest abortion?
>>
>>596598443
how did you lose or not obtain your license?
also is being a legit doctor worth it anymore?
>>
>>596599458

>A woman was brought to me one night
>"Doctor, we heard you could help, my sister is hurt. Her boyfriend stabbed her and she's bleeding bad."
>"I can see that. Bring her in"
>Woman has been stabbed 5 times in the stomach. Crying her eyes out. Yelling for her sister to not call Michael.
>IV, fluids, Morphine
>I wipe the area clean after stripping her down and investigate her. Notice her underwear are stained as well.
>"I need to look at her privates"
>"Why? That's fucked up"
>Remove her panties, they peel off.
>Massive damage - she has been raped and stabbed in the vagina multiple times.
>Will spare you the details of treating a knifed up pussy. It's not pleasant. Also she had herpes.
>Check for internal bleeding, no damage.
>Stitch up all her knife wounds, give the other woman her medication and instructions.
>"Do not sell this on the street. I know you're prostitutes, I know she was raped and I know you'll try to do it. If you sell this. I will know. And I will make your life hell."
>Never see them again after that night.
>Three weeks later a large black man comes up to me while I'm shopping for Nitrile gloves and face masks.
>"Thanks for helping my girl, Doc"
>Throws me 500 dollars.
>"Anytime, sir. Anytime."
>>
>>596599490

She was 6 months along and NOT legal.

I'll never forget it.
>>
>>596599901

Being a doctor isn't worth it anymore. At least legit.

I quit going in my 4th year towards my Doctorate. I couldn't deal with the red tape, the greed, and the lack of empathy.

I wanted to became a doctor to help people goddammit. Not to report people for having a fucking bit of coke in their system.
>>
Bump. Don't wanna let it die.
>>
Do you have rates you charge or just accept whatever comes your way?
>>
moar stories!
>>
>>596601244

Like I said, it depends on client, and job.

I don't like turning away patients because they don't have enough.
>>
This is a cool thread :^) have you ever refused to work on someone? It so, why?
>>
OP i love you
>>
>>596600821
is being a doctor better in other countries than the US?
Instead of going to med school to become a legit doctor, what other methods of learning the doctoral trade would you recommend?
Reason I'm curious is I like to help people as well.
>>
>>596598443
How doctor do you doctor?

If I ask you to doctor and you arent doctor, then am i doctored? Elswise, I doctored once and the doctor didnt doctor because doctoring. Is this dangerous?
>>
>>596598443
I have no questions for a fraud like you. Fuck off.
>>
How do you get all your equipment and shit?
>>
>>596600821
Med student here... I understand your point, in fact I fuckinb hate the people who study with me. It's all about the ego and money and shit. I'd like to graduate and just move to a rural area and help those people out.

Medicine fucking sucks yo
>>
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>>596601573
>>
thanks for not being a pawn for the pharmaceutical industry
>>
Have you ever been presented with a case that you told somebody to go to a real doctor for?
>>
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>>596600626
>>
>>596602099
Good question
>>
>>596601335

>Man comes to me with a couple other men.
>Says he's been having extremely bad pains
>"Where at."
>He says he doesn't want to talk in front of the other men.
>"Gentlemen please wait in the sitting room."
>They leave, he is beet red.
>"Look, I'm a big guy, I'm shy, I suck at gettin' chicks"
>"And?"
>"I saw one of them hookers that beats you...you know...a...dominatrix?"
>"Alright, drop your pants"
>Check out his penis first, it's beat to shit. Scabbed over bloody sores. Not like STDs but like stabs.
>Check his scrotum, same thing.
>"You need to tell me what's up. What did she do?"
>"She stepped on my dick and balls with heels"
>"And you never thought to wash it or take care of it?"
>"No..."
>"You also have some warts here. You are aware you have HPV?"
>"What's that? Like AIDS?"
>After explaining it to him I clean up and tell him how to treat his wounds. Explain that he may be impotent at this point. Advise not to visit such whores again.
>Now comes the hard part.
>I have to get rid of his genital warts.
>Liquid nitrogen treatment. His screams are as sad as his story.
>Let him go with anti-biotics and pain killers.
>He came back 3 weeks later with rectal tearing because she fucked him with a strap on too hard.
>>
>>596598443
If I have a table saw and something to get rid of, where do I make the cuts?
>>
>>596602223
Off by one.
Damn. He's a mad guy.
How do you get your drugs and material? Anything?
>>
>>596601384

I've been asked to murder someone with drugs.
I absolutely refuse.
I've only ever had to put one person under and that's because they were suffering beyond comprehension.

>>596601486
You can get many text books on the subject but you need SOME medical training to be worth a fuck. You get experience in med school you can't get on your own.

>>596601573
I doctor a doctor doctor. Doctor.

>>596601716
Black Market.

>>596601903
It's hard but worth it. It changes you, seeing these people.

>>596602099
Cancer. I am not an Oncologist.
>>
Let's see how legit this dude actually is.
Starting off with an easy one:

Patient is brought in with fractures in her hand. Female, 25.
She is hysterical and nurses state she was violent. Tox negative, blood normal, pressure and pulse elevated.
She has a med history with two injuries in the past two months, one of which was suspected to be a suicide attempt.
She reports she punched a wall out of anger. (You noted hastened speech.) She admits one of the injuries was in fact a suicide attempt, but "that she got over it".

Treatment and prelim. diagnosis?
>>
>>596602224

Depends on the something. Don't use a table saw. Use a bone saw. Reciprocating saws work as well.

>>596602580
Like I've said. Some things are commercially available. Other things I have to get from Russians and Jews.
>>
>>596602588
Yes, it makes you cold and uncaring when you see these kids prancing around all proud because they're gonna be doctors! Makes me wanna puke how self centered and arrogant they are
>>
More greentext please,
I think a lot of us are enjoying them,
though gratitude is hard to find on this board.
>>
>>596602640
Headcases like that probably won't make it into OPs realm, just saiyan.
>>
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>>596602640
Lupus, it's always lupus
>>
>>596602963
headcases like that aren't poor?
>>
>>596602099
Yes, this?
>>
>>596602888
nice trips
>>
>>596602963
If he's legit, this should be easy as fuck. This kind of shit walks into emergency at least two times a week where I work.
>>
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>>596603076
Shit...
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>>596602223
More green text please. Loving these!
>>
>>596602640
since OP is not a legal doctor he'd probably treat the fractures and give her some pain killers. There isn't anything he can do about her mental instability. I don't OP has prozac lying around.....dick
>>
>>596602640

Observation. Check medical history extensively, watch for reaction when interviewed by nurse versus doctor.

Hastened speech and hand injury with history of mental illness as well as violent demeanor indicate a history of abuse. Check for other injuries.

Suspect Battered Woman syndrome, obtain proper information through treatment and interview, administer anti-depressants and observe for 24 hours. Contact authorities if initial diagnosis correct. Perscribe therapy and SSRI. Follow up bi-weekly.
>>
>>596602640
smack that bitch full of horse and ditch her by the side of the road
shes obviously crazy
>>
If you're unable to save the life of a whore / mobster do the pimps / bosses threaten you? Or are they understanding?

Also, how often do you get threatened to do procedures?
>>
>>596603260
This.

Could you imagine it? "Excuse me Mafia guys, but my weekly session is here."
>>
Ever seen John Wick OP?
You anything like the doctor that stitches him up in the hotel?
>>
>alcohol
>thinned the blood

lol fag
>>
>>596603320
Hmm, med student (Cambridge fag here) and this seems to check out. Only on my 2nd year so not 100% sure.
>>
>>596603385

You'd be surprised how nice the guys are.
They're more happy that I actually exist and am willing to help them. Occasionally a small timer tries to act tough around me, but I just don't buy into the bullshit.

>>596603320
Forgot to add the injury is from being slammed in a door.
>>
Anyone know how I can get hired by the army as a doctor? I'm not a US citizen and I'm studying in Latin America. Maybe even work in the E.R or something in the US.
>>
>>596603714

You've never told a patient's onlookers some bullshit? He obviously tore the stitches being too active.

But I wanted to him not to drink while on his new medication.

I don't have to be honest if it helps people.
>>
>>596603737
Cambridge city or the college?
>>
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>>596604012
University of Cambridge, Trinity College.
>>
>>596603881

You'd do better working for the Cartel as a doctor.
>>
>>596603737
Faggot. This thread is for real unlicensed doctors, not yuppie med students at fancy universities paid for by mommy and daddy.
>>
>>596604202
They'd kill my family if I fuck up. I'd enjoy going to war and seeing the fucked up dark human nature and save the soldiers.
>>
>>596603320
Patient is single and there never was a police report.
Responds equally to nurses and doctors. (Should have added that.)

After treatment, she becomes more erratic and euphoric and has to be restrained at some point. Didn't sleep at all and reports barely sleeping 24h prior to coming in.
First injury was minor head trauma. Apparently due to fainting after partying two straight days.
Second was a month later, the self harm.

(Dude, making patients up without making it too obvious is hard as fuck.)
>>
>>596604168
I go to Jesus. Meet you on the backs for a joint?
>>
>>596604340
I wish I had rich mummy and daddy to pay for my tuition.
>Working class, single parent household.
>Household income £8,000
Should I drop out? I'm only here because I really want to help people to the best of my abilities and many of the most important doctors in history studied here so I thought it was a good start. Any advice?
>>
>>596604639
Nah sorry man, going our right now with some mates. Any other time and I would.
>>
How does it feel to know that you're probably one of the biggest bad-asses on the streets? Seriously, I'm no med student nor do I want to be anywhere near the medical scene, but the idea of a doctor who does "off the record" work in a fucking van is pretty sweet, must admit. Based anon doing good work.
>>
>>596604639
Jesus Oxford >>> Jesus Cambridge
>>
>>596604803
No problem, I dont actually go the uni. I got rejected last month. Would have been funny if you'd said yes though.
>>
>Quit mainstream medicine because its unethical
>Become an illegal doctor that helps crooks

way to go op
>>
Please for the love of God, become a psychopath whose fetish is ripping the flesh from his patients and reforming them into some horrific freak of science.
>>
>Overweight woman brought to me by husband.
>She stinks. She absolutely reeks.
>I already assume the worst and decide to ask the husband what's going on.
>"She's just been feeling super sick and can't keep her food down. Her mood is bad."
>Get stats, hook up, she has elevated blood pressure and heart rate, labored breathing.
>Flip on the fans and try to circulate the air a bit, my mask is NOT helping.
>I lift up the woman's stomach flap and am horrified to see necrotic flesh, maggot infested and oozing with puss.
>She's crying in Spanish.
>Husband says they couldn't go to a normal doctor because they're illegals.
>Cut away the dead infected tissue, remove the maggots, disinfect everything, double check for any remaining critters. The pan is full of maggots and dead fat and rotted skin. I sew her up, it took a LOT of stitches. This was a foot across at least.
>I administer another dose of anesthetic and prescribe anti-biotics, pain killers, and a DIET.
>She comes back with her husband 3 months later.
>She's lost over 100 pounds. Is happier, healed up nicely.
>He says he convinced her by showing her the pan full of maggots and rot.
>I tell him to keep his money.
>I saved a life.
>>
>>596604420
Also injuries are consistent with her stories.
She also reports partying was due to flunking uni after doing nothing for several weeks. ("Just didn't see the point, you know?")

>>596603320
>>
>>596604823
Trinity >>> Everyone else
>>596604952
It's fucking Baltic outside but I probably would 've agreed otherwise
>>
>>596605115

With added info.

Meth.
>>
Do you provide your services at a lower rate than traditional, licensed doctors?
>>
>>596605129
lol, nah, I got pooled but that's as far as I got. Feels bad.
Between St Andrews and Birmingham now.
>>
>>596605281
Again: Tox always clean, apart from the obvious alcohol the first time around. But moderate.
>>
>>596604663
Sounds like you're on the right track, if it's what you like doing.
>>
damn this is an interesting thread
>>596605089
how did she get that condition?
also, how old are you, OP?
>>
>>596605359
Don't feel bad anon, I still think the only reason I got was because of my low income background. What were you applying for? I also had a couple mates applying for Land Economy and only one of them got in.
>>
how do you operate?
do you own a building or operate out of a van?
>>
>>596604663
Make it work. There is always a way. Sometimes not entirely legal, but there always is a way.
>>
>>596605595
NatSci, so competition was obscene. My interviews went awesome as well IMO. I think I should have applied to Kings, they take 70% state schooled so they must have a positive bias.
>>
>>596605448

Is the patient on any medication?

>>596605588
She literally did nothing, never bathed, and ate crap in a dingy migrant trailer.

I'm 31.

>>596605621
Both.
>>
>>596605752
Tough crowd with NatSci with the recently raised entry requirements and all. Sometimes it just doesn't go right no matter what. I just opted to be put into any college that would take me and so I ended up at Trinity. Maybe take a /useful/ gap year and try again next year.

One last thing, did you meet the entry standards? A*A*A?
>>
OP, you dick, I'M TALKING TO YOU.

I ASKED IF YOUR SERVICES ARE CHEAPER THAN TRADITIONAL DOCTORS YOU QUACK. Don't just skip over people.
>>
>>596605973
Nope. Except for the SSRIs you gave her for observation.
(If I didn't write something, assume it is isn't there. I didn't feel like overcomplicating or even writing up an entire bio.)

Also I'd really like to know where the hell you studied, assuming BWS and drugs as more likely than what I'm going for here.
>>
>>596598443
maybe it's been answered already but I've only been reading greentext so far.

So how did you come to start practicing medicine illegally? Did you go to university and not complete your program? Did you fail the licensing examinations? Did you figure you'd make more money undercover? Or do you have some weird doctors without borders ideology?
>>
Back when you where starting this thing as an illegal doctor, how did you pay for the things you needed? Where did the money come from?
>>
Keep the greentexts coming. This is probably the most fascinating thread I've seen on /b/ in months.

Apologies if these questions have already been asked:

What country/region are you based out of?

Do you have an office set up or do you have a mobile base (like a converted van/bus type vehicle)? Meaning, how would someone find you to make use of your services?
>>
Have you ever had anyone die on you? What happens to the bodies/ medical waste when you're done?
>>
>>596605089
What caused the necrosis op? Do you know?
>>
>>596606139
I'm in second year 6th form, predicted A*A*A*, though unsure if I'll get it. Its difficult to predict with maths because you could get >90% overall but the A* depends on 2 exams. I would perhaps consider taking a gap year if I got A*A*A* but I might ask for some feedback from them first, see whether its likely I would get an offer. St Andrews seems like a cool place, I'm visiting in a few weeks.
>>
>>596601392
totally agree with this anon if you're not bullshitting, if you are good work on elaborate stories. even criminals need a doctor
>>
>>596606626
Poor hygiene, poor circulation and bed-sores.

You should see fat diabetics feet, I mean the few ones that haven't had them amputated yet.
>>
>>596603737
>>596604823
woo oxbridge!
>>
>>596606626
Not OP, but:
It's quite common among fatasfatasses who don't/can't clean themselves properly.
Lack of circulation+damp skin+dirt+horrible immune system+... There's no end to it.
>>
>>596606671
With grades like that even getting A*A*A should get you a consideration. If not, I have heard St. Andrews is in a fact an extremely good university.
>>
>>596598443
How can I be an unlicensed doctor? Always been interested in it, just need to know what books to get
>>
>>596606228

Yes. Sorry. I am multitasking.

>>596606323

She's not my usual type of patient, I mostly deal in surgeries and quick fix ups. Also physical therapy and aftercare.

I dated a girl like that in college and she turned out to just be Bi-Polar/Manic Depressed. So that's honestly my guess. If I'm wrong I'm sorry. One anon was right when he said I'd likely fix the hand and send her off with pain meds.

>>596606455

The last one, it's that idealogy. I don't believe anyone, no matter how many crimes they commit, should be without medical care.

>>596606483
I had a day job.

>>596606545
I work in a state that starts with an I and ends with an S.

People find me through word of mouth. Just ask where to contact "Doc".
>>
>>596607007
I got 4 A's at AS with a 91% average, lower than many who apply, so that may have been a factor.
>>
>>596606909
*proceeds to look up bed sores*
Fuck fuck fuck fcuk fuck
>>
>>596607093
Technically, being an unlicensed doctor doesn't really have any requirements other than not being a real doctor.
>>
What brought you to 4chan, OP?

What motivates you the most on this field?
>>
>>596607203
Rule 1# of medical threads, only look things up text only.
>>
>>596607103
Illinois?
>>
>>596606626

Lack of hygiene, personal care, and the constant scraping of wet, sweaty, chaffed fat flesh against fat flesh. It's a bacterial fucking gold mine.

>>596606617
Yes. I have.
They are burned. Or given to the client for funeral arrangements.
I have attended the funeral of every person who has died under my care.

>>596607093
Not just anyone can do this anon, it takes an iron stomach, a willpower to not to wrong, and the ability to love and care for even the most horrible of person. You take on a bit of that person's suffering every time they come to see you.

If you can't handle the pain of being shot or terminally ill yourself, you can't handle the pain of helping those who are themselves, ill or injured.
>>
>>596605752
kings is a shithole, literally everything but their architecture is absolute shit. also filled with sjw cunts
>>
>>596607625
Mate I probably qualify as a SJW to you, I'm voting Green.
>>
>>596607246
Good, I hate studying.
>>
>>596607103
You had a day job? What kind of job? If you had to pay the bills and buy meds and things like that, then it was a motherfucking sweet-ass job
>>
>>596607199
Maybe. If there's one thing I've discovered about Cambridge is because most students don't dare apply in case they 'waste that precious UCAS slot' and so they can afford to look at every candidate with a fresh view and a lot of detail.

Best of luck anyway!
>>
>>596607103
>bipolar
Bipolar II to be exact. But good enough.
IRL in a hospital she probably would have gone directly to the psych ward.

>>596607203
Dude, that isn't even the worst kind of shit.
Try the burn center. Especially the idiots who postpone treatment.
It's where you go to lose faith.
>>
Fuck it, I'm in a position where I can't go to a doctor. I've been sick for well over a month.

Headaches, nausea, severe back pain, constipation, on and off fever, occasional sinus issues.

What's up? Any advice?
>>
>>596607797
Why would anyone postpone their treatment?
>>
>>596607203
>>596607797
If the intense chem-pumped air didn't already singe off your nostril hair, the overpowering smell of the patients pre-surgery will.

There is a reason it's one of the places the psychs are most active.
>>
>>596607625
Kek, the whole university is full of sjw's. What do you think of Trinity btw? Curious on a second opinion since obviously everyone who stays here loves it.
>>
>>596608096
For the same reason they thought it was a good idea to play with gasoline and fire crackers. People are idiots and don't understand the severity of an injury until it starts to change color and stink.
>>
Lies. Poast the inside of your "medical van" faggot
>>
>>596608233
This. Should be untraceable from this.
>>
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>>596605089
>>596602223
>>596600475
>>596598443
Dude, I'm loving these!
>>
>>596608131
a bit jealous of your amenities and the money, but other than that you guys seem to stick together a lot and not socialise in other colleges as much. we have a swap with your girls on sunday though

>>596607713
greens are alright man, flawed policies but well-meaning, at least you're not amelia horgan
>>
>>596608233
Curious so this if you can?
>>
Doc Anon, please tell us more stories. I'm really enjoying these and I'm glad there's someone like you out there doing this kind of work for people.
>>
did you loose your medical license
>>
Sorry I'm slow guys, dealing with some things today.

I'll try to post some more Greentext.

>A father and daughter come in to see me.
>Not my usual clientele, I'm nervous.
>They tell me who sent them and I believe them. As he's seen me for everything from infections to a broken leg to a cold.
>She's been having bad vomiting spells, can't keep anything down, super moody.
>Girls about 14. In decent shape.
>Tell her to lay down. Take her signs. Ask some questions.
>Go down checklist of symptoms and ask the magic question.
>"Have you been sexually active, miss?"
>They both shoot upwards and say no, start saying I have no right to ask that.
>I continue investigating, do some basic tests. No medicine given. Come back when the tests are done.
>Run blood tests, swab, etc.
>This girl is preggers.
>They come back.
>"She's pregnant."
>"NO SHES NOT" shouts daddy.
>Girl starts crying and opening up like I'm Barbara Walters. Turns out she's been having sex with her dad for 3 years. He didn't pull out and she's knocked up.
>Recommend abortion.
>They accept.
....
........

>Drink an entire bottle of Wild Turkey afterwards.
>>
>>596598443
Fuck, Man, you're living the life :D
>>
1500 total for an amputation an prosthetic?
Unless you made the leg yourself and you used liquor for anesthetic and a shoelace for stitching , you'd be negative 5Gs ... and that's at wholesale

I call bullshit

I work at a medical office
>>
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>>596598443
Dr.Spacemen?
>>
>>596608453
I'd rather their extreme left policies if it meant getting things right instead of being stuck with centre-left/centre-right same difference bullshit. Anyway, Im out. Nice talking to you.
>>
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>>596608675
>yfw they were /b/tards
>>
>>596608845
>implying medical facilities don't charge huge markups on supplies and services
That's why you're still working at a desk.
>>
>>596608845
How many of your supplies "fell off a truck"?
>>
>>596608453
That seems to be the general consensus.

>we have a swap with your girls on sunday though
Could you elaborate a bit?
>>
>>596598443
if possible could you do these threads monthly or weekly

also will you ever take an apprentice, what will they have to do to qualify

how do you clean your dirty money
>>
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>>596608675
>mfw i got at the end of the story
>>
>>596608845
15,000 not 1,500 illiterate fuck
>>
>>596609320
>how do you clean your dirty money

cdc/who pls
>>
>>596598443
Dude, you need to get in contact with Cracked.com and do one of their "x things you don't know about this odd job" article. 10/10 would read.
>>
>>596608845

And now you know why I do what I do.

>>596609123

Quite a few sir, quite a few.
I also get a lot of supplies from military supply people.

>>596609320
I can try to come do threads once in a while.
An apprentice? I've never even thought about it.

As far as money. Gambling.
>>
>>596607768
Not really, i was working on mcdonald's
>>596607993
I dont know
>>596608233
I cant, i sold it
>>
>>596608845
An amputation isn't that difficult, dude. It's just taxing as fuck.
And cheap prosthetics aren't either.
The only real challenge is post-op.
But pumping a patient full of antibiotics and get him to be careful do the trick.
>not OP
>>
>>596608675
she had consentual sex with her dad?

did you report abuse?

was she abused?

were you traumatisedafter?

any other pedo/rape related stories?
>>
>>596609525

This is not me.

>>596607993

Sounds like influenza. Did you get your flu shot this year?

>>596609525

I worked at a medical transcription job. Jackass.

And he's right, I don't have the van anymore. I bought an old building from a guy whose dad died. It's heated and does well enough. Plus it has a basement for storage.
>>
>>596609503
This

Cracked.com got some good material and they have this wild sense of humor
>>
>>596609503
As much as I hate Cracked they would love this and would proabaly pay you quite a bit. I remember how big the '5 things you didn't know about smuggling weed'. They love the whole 'insider' sort of a criminal type stories.
>>
>>596609512
Had you kept any contacts from your time in med school? If so - how many of them know about your profession? Would you trust any of them enough to let them know or possibly assist in obtaining supplies?
>>
>>596609525
Obviously not OP
>>
>>596609747
>were you traumatised after
back to tumblr with you
>>
fucken moot why he take name tags with him
>>
>>596609756
I've had an ingrown toenail for about 4 months now and it hasn't evolved.

Do I violently cut off my toe or kill myself?
>>
>>596609816
VICE would probably do a better job, even if I hate their guts.
Now and then they put together something interesting.
>>
great thread OP
>>
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>>596609747
>any other pedo/rape related stories?
Never change /b/, please never change

I am also interested.
>>
>>596609966
Muh anonymity
>>
>>596609821

No, that was years ago. I have some contacts from back when I was in the military though. And that's where I score a lot of my generics.

Tricare moms love to get put on drugs.

>>596609747

I reported nothing. I just performed an underage abortion. What the fuck are you thinking reporting it?
>>
>>596610003
>animals fucker documentary
That was enough for me not to follow them
>>
>>596610022
Yes this. Thank you so much OP for sharing your life. Best of luck!
Also come back at some point.
>>
>>596609756
Medical transcription job? I dont know what is that, but sounds sweet
>>
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>>596608675
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
I hope for your sake this is some brilliant fiction.
>>
>>596607797
Bipolar II: This Time It's Personal
>>
>>596609756
Post SOME timestamp.
I'd be fine with med storage. (Just turn serials away.)
>>
>>596610000

Nice quads.

I'm going to tell you the treatment I would give for that condition. But you need to post the toe. Please.

I can help you but you need to listen to me.
>>
>>596610223
>it matters
>>
>>596610223
Worst case scenario is a med student. Regardless, the greentexts are well written and accurate enough.
>>
>>596601648
lol stay mad nigga
for once OP isn't a faggot
>>
>>596610256
This is what will be in my head every time I diagnose this shit from now on.
God damn it, anon.
If I ever laugh because of this shit...
>>
>>596606909
Majoring in Digital Cinematography, even though I know it won't happen. I'd love to shoot a documentary about the people like you. Im sure you're not the only one. Still assuming your not bullshitting
>>
>>596603881
>Army Doctor.

Unfortunately, you would have to get your citizenship to get commissioned as an officer.
>>
>>596605448
Nobody got this yet??? Bi-Polar Mania... Treat with Seroquel and start looking for an effective anti depressant.
>>
>>596610120
sorry for ther confusion, i wasnt implying you should have reported it, it was just a question,

>other pedo/rape related stories?
>>
thanks for a good thread OP
>>
>>596609503
Those faggots would rat you out in a milisecond
>>
>>596610410
>implying implications
I'm saying that if it's real he has seriously seen some SHIT
Faggot.
>>
>>596598519
>>596598611
In a consent thread? Wtf is that?
>>
>>596610525
Personally I'd go with the good ol Lithium. But that's just me.
>>
>>596610729
these questions
>>
>>596610477
>/b/ a magical place of desensitization
>>
i r8 8/8. This is almost as good as that dude from the Vatican.
>>
moar greentext?
>>
>>596607797
>Bi-Polar Mania... Treat with Seroquel and start looking for an effective anti depressant.
Damn.... Bipolar II is that the same? am I WIN!!?
>>
>>596610865
It's bad enough with eating disorder patients.
>"I'm fine as long as I can get into the kitchen."
>desperately trying to keep a neutral expression and not be sarcastic

I swear. Some of them are asking for it.
>>
>>596610647
Just because you never left you never left your basement doesn't mean everyone else hasn't.

I've worked at a nursing home, no qualifications,

I've held peoples hands while they died,
I've seen pee and poo in every single state and have had to clean it up afterwards,
I've been sexually harassed by multiple ladies over 80,
I've been beaten, seen people bleed from their own stupidity
I've seen infected bed soars and rotting feet,
I've lubricated a prolapsed anus, like 6 inches long, as wide as a bottle.

Some of the stuff OP did was a lot worse, however all of this I experienced above board before I was 20.
>>
>>596611131
Sorta. It's basically hyper-bipolar, where the cycles are faster and often more intense. (Which I tried to hint with the timeline.)

If you read through it (anything Cluster B, really), you'll be thinking to yourself "I know this bitch!"
>>
>>596611131
ICD designation
>>
>>596607993
ebola
>>
I'll post a bad one.

>Get a message from one of my frequent clients
>It's his mother. She's hurting bad.
>They come in, the woman is 78 years old. With Dementia and Alzheimers. She won't go to a doctor but came to see me because her son convinced her I was her brother.
>"Oh Johnny! I haven't seen you in years! You look so handsome."
>Her name is Anna.
>"Hey Anna, I'm glad you're doing well. I understand you're feeling sick"
>She says she's fine. Her signs are horrible, her skin is rotted and sagged. Hospice was no option because her son was living in her house dealing weapons and drugs.
>Everyone crying. I have to keep it together.
>I give her small doses of painkillers to help her sleep, her EKG is slow.
>I put my hand on hers and she squeezes.
>Her son looks at me and says "Doc...I'll pay you anything...just...end her suffering".
>She wakes up.
>Smiles at me
>I offer her a glass of water
>She takes it, saying "Thank you Johnny. I was so thirsty."
>She drinks the whole glass.
>Holding my hand in one and her sons in the other, she drifts into sleep.
>She dies.
>There was Potassium Cyanide in the water.

Good night, Anna.
>>
>>596605089
you do great work. this is what being a doctor is supposed to be about. it doens't matter what their crminal history is, that's irrelevant. good work OP
>>
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>>596610309
>>
>>596608675
Was the daughter hot?
>>
>>596611428
Lies
>>
>>596609209
umm my college drinking soc is swapping with your college drinking soc, not sure how else to explain
are you not much for social life? not judging btw
>>
I think I might be an Aspie, how do I get clynical diagnosis? Should I see a shrink or something like that?
>>
>>596611532
where the fuck did you get kcyanide faggot
>>
>>596611639
Truth, I swear to God.
>>
>>596611532
Wow. Godspeed anon, you're doing some amazing work.
>>
>>596611532
damn. THats sad mang
>>
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>>596611611
Fucking ew.
>>
>>596611727
Ahhh sorry, the way you worded it made me think you were trying to steal our girls or something.
>>
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>>596611428
>being this insecure
Did anything I said have anything to do with you?
Wait, yes.
You are a faggot.
>>
>>596611611
I've had worse.
>>
>>596604420
Good lord shut the fuck up faggot. Your scenario is highly unlikely in ops situation more does he have an obligation to help her. Shut the fuck up sit down and listen
>>
>>596611611

That's bad.

Okay, now since I'm probably nowhere near you I can't come do it myself. And you likely don't have the materials, so I would go to a Walk-In Low-Income clinic.

What will happen is they will prep the area with Lidocaine or another local anesthetic to numb it before removing the entire nail. They will then use acid to burn the root so it won't grow back in.

You will be given Amoxicillin and a decent painkiller.

It's an outpatient. If you want to do it yourself you need to get a hold of some local anesthetic, a scalpel, and some Fish-Mox (You can get it from the pet section, it's the same as normal ammoxicillan)

It'll hurt like a bitch though, I'd just go to a welfare style walk in clinic.

Still, bad infection kid.
>>
ITT: Things that never happened
>>
>>596611532
:'(
>Goodnight, Anna
>>
>>596611776

A Jewelry store.
>>
>>596611162
I hope the next time I see a doc for ass cancer some dark humor comes through
>+1 faith in humanity
>>
>>596612046
The sad part is, this is nothing compared to mine.
>>
>>596612119
/thread
>>
>>596611532
>he didn't use a thanatron
>>
>>596611532
Pottassium cianyde? Dont lie OP
>>
>>596605089
Bu-but anon the maggots help eat the dead flesh
>>
>>596611631
Now we're asking the REAL questions
>>
>>596611428
oh anon you're SUCH a hero and you've seen such horrible things!
>tfw when you've experienced a few of these first hand
>>
>>596609747
the whole point of him doing this is so he didn't have to go to the police with this shit. it's not his job to arrest these fuckers, just like it's not a pschologist's job to bring people to justice.
>>
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Op Delivers constantly. Thank you.
>>
How can a poorfag fight depression? No pills, no therapy.
>>
>>596612135
Kek'd
>>
>>596612012
This guys question shoulda been immediately apparent... Like He said Emergency depts. see these people ALOT.. I don't have any medical training, but I got it... What convinced me that OP is a Lying fag is the whole story about the Pimp givin' him $500 for fixin' up "His girl". (Who is now scarred up and not worth the Pimps time.. Not to mention Niggers are worse than Jews with $$$..
>>
>>596612046
What if this guy presented with redness extending above his ankle, paired with vomiting, confusion, tachycardia and hypotension?

What would your initial management be, your main differential and the pathognomonic clinical sign(s) associated with this condition?

(Also amoxicillin would be an inappropriate choice of antibiotic for the image you quoted)
>>
>>596612250
>He didn't use a Glock
>>
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2long2notbderail
>>
>>596612633

Well I'm a big fan of the pills. Care to tell me about your depression anon?

Nice doubles.
>>
>>596612165
here as well bro, had it on and off for the past 1.5 year, but too poor to visit a clinic (not even in the US, I just can't afford the yearly tax and thus if I went to a clinic they could give me a huge fine). get a little bit of dental floss, use some hydrogen peroxide or alcohol to disinfect the area and stick the dental floss in the very corner of your nail (as in: below it, but with a little bit sticking out so you can pull it out later). also, aloe vera does wonders - get the plant, then every morning cut part of one leaf off, but it across and dab the wet inner part on the sides of your toe, where it's growing in. relieves pain, kills bacteria and actually helps in fixing the whole problem.
>>
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>>596612718
>>
>>596612046
I'm gonna have to call bullshit on this. I've had much worse infections and ingrown toenails (due to the way my toes formed when I was born). To the anon who posted that picture, go to a podiatrist. I can confirm that (no offense Dr. Anon) that they'll handle it much better than a general MD. They're trained specifically for things related to the feet and they'll get it nice and fixed up for you. You don't need to lose the whole nail, just the corners that are digging in temporarily to the side of your toe.
>>
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>>596612046
>tfw i'll probably just end up leaving it alone for another few months until it becomes an extremely painful and unignorable abomination
>>
>>596612979

give us one moar involving hookers or gangsters
>>
>>596598443
what do you do for a living?
>>
>>596612678
>i have an ingrown toenail
OH SHIT I DIDNT NOTICE I HAD VOMITING CONFUSION AND AN IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT

Turn off the House, M.D.
>>
>>596613135
meant for OP
>>
>>596605089
Something wrong here. You never stitch up an abscess on a pannus, nor would you ever do this to necrotic tissue of any kind. You leave it open, pack it, and let it heal by granulating. Immediate skin grafting (which would require suturing) also is the wrong management.

I'm a surgeon in Chicago. 4/5 years in residency.

Btw I'm currently on trauma, gunshots and stabbing are kinda common in case you haven't heard. Makes for good stories
>>
>>596611639
I believe you dog
>>
>>596613102
refer to >>596612894
it probably won't completely heal it (the longest I had no pain at all was ~2 months, then I kicked a wall hard while drunk and it came back), but it can really relieve the pain and keep it under control until you can afford treatment
>>
>>596598443

doc i'd like to write your life story. i'm a fairly successful writer. i'm not sure how to contact you nor whether it would be a good idea through the shit storm of /b

but i want to do it. it sounds pretty inspiring.
>>
>>596612894
Guy you responded to but I keep the nail in check by trimming it back so it only has the part that is infected and I wash it out daily but I do need to get ahold of some alcohol and hydrogen peroxide. I'll eventually go to a free clinic but with my job I can't afford to be off my feet for an extended period of time.
>>
>>596613215

he aint got access to mod cons, faggot.

he a street doc. different methods. different law
>>
>>596612046
Ha! Clandestine genetics fag here. I use fish antibiotics for a selectable marker, it's the only good way to get them without a pharmacy. This is something few people would know or think to look up until they actually encountered the need for it. Have a little more faith in the stories now.

Tips on sourcing weird materials beyond the obvious "look for other places it's used?" I need different things, but maybe you have some general advice. I have to synthesize a lot of shit because lab supply places won't sell to some guy in an apartment.
>>
>>596609503
He should rather contact Vice.
>>
>>596598443
Do you ever into rape after anesthetic?
>>
>>596612836

>23 male
>2 years ago mother had a nervous breakdown after losing her house
>she was depressed, didn't eat, didn't bathe for a week
>diverticulitis, finding cancer on ovaries
>had hysterectomy to remove cancer
>had to sit with her for weeks
>still feel guilty about drinking before seeing her
>I have little to no money and she still has to supplant some of my income

Also
>was semi fatfag
>5'11 225
>down to 200
>depression says nope
>back up to 230 / 235

I'm coming out of it now, regular sleep schedule, not spending an entire day in bed. But I know I'm susceptible to them, and want to be able to keep myself on track when I feel it coming on.
>>
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>>596613332
I'm probably not going to drunkenly kick a wall anytime soon.
>>
>>596613215
Seems like Dr. Anon is a lie
>>
>>596613215

...Fuck...Really?
>>
https://4archive.org/b/thread/596598443
Archived, faggots.
>>
>>596613215
This man knows what he's talking about... you CANNOT close an infected wound, Unless you wanna kill the, I guess.
>>
>>596613553
Street doctors have to do things differently.
>>
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>>596613355
>trimming it back so it only has the part that is infected
tbh I have no idea what you mean by that, but don't, DON'T excessively trim it
when you do trim it, make it so the nail forms a straight line (it's cut in a very wrong manner on the photo posted, trimming it like that causes more tension to the sides of the toe, effectively worsening the condition)
>>
>>596613215
This.

Abscesses need opening and draining. This is basic surgical skills 101.
>>
>>596612012
It's very common in hospitals. If he is for real, he worked in a hospital or was at least trained as if he would be.
Manic patients are very easy to detect. The fact he didn't guess it after I told him it got worse with SSRIs makes his story questionable.
>>
>>596598443
why are you unlicensed if you went to medical school?
>>
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>>596613735
>let nails grow past toes
>grew up on the basis that this was the most disgusting thing you could let happen

WHAT ELSE IS A FUCKING LIE
>>
>>596613215
Tell us some stories then fag
>>
>>596613528
give me a rest lel
twice it came back by itself without any embarrassing events happening, but it can still be quickly brought under control with proper hygiene
it's at its best when it's summer, since access to fresh air does wonders - had no problems at all because I could just walk around in sandals most of the time
>>
>>596614031
He said he quit in his 4th year of residency.
>>
>>596614085
im with you bro
>>
What is the worst case you've been presented with?
>>
>>596613553

Not a lie, just regretting that particular treatment.

>>596613371

While I admire you eagerness, you have to be more specific than "weird materials"

And there are plenty of places to obtain components, anon.

>>596613445

No. I don't rape my clients.

>>596613463

You would benefit from anti-depressants. I'd recommend Lexapro, it's not as habit forming as Xanax and is a lot simpler to ease into. If you happen to get the rare side effect of erectile dysfunction? Supplement with Welbutrin XL. Take the Lexapro once in the morning with a Welbutrin, and one more Welbutrin midday. You can take them with or without food but do it the same every time so it's absorbed into the body the same way each dose.
>>
>>596613735
It's hard to explain but I'll try, basically you have the sides of the toe nail that are infected and you have the very front edge of it (I don't know basically the end of the toe nail not the sides) and I tend to trim it as in pic to but trying to trim the nail that is dug into the side to relieve pressure and wash out the infection as best as possible. I know I need the actual nail removed (I've had multiple infections due to how my toes form) right now I'm just keeping it in check so my nail or some shit doesn't grow out through the skin.
>>
>>596614298

>wank for hours before cumming.
>be zombie

been there, doc
>>
>>596613735
Holy shit wat. All !y fingers look like then PIC on the right. Its not infected but the nail is very round and the skin on the top corners is pretty hard. Wat do?
>>
>>596614298

anymore greentext stories?
>>
>>596614635
those are calluses you fucking retard
>>
>>596614298
How do I know if I have Asperger? I relate to most symptoms but I don't want to be a self-diagnosed retarded. What should I do?
>>
>>596613181
Not op, but are you retarded? Ingrown toenails lead to infection pretty easily, and while normally isolated, if left unchecked can get into the bloodstream and/or bone (according to my podiatrist). I have MRSA right now thanks to my ingrown toenail.
>>
what's up, doc?
>>
>>596614635
Looks like your finger nails are fine you may need to trim the ring finger but other then that they look like normal every day fingernails.
>>
>>596614849

GO TO A PSYCHIATRIST RETARD
>>
>>596614635
never heard of an ingrown fingernail, a lot of people have hardened skin there (in my case it might be because of biting the skin off), unless it hurts or something I doubt you should worry
>>
Post more greentext OP, I am loving those
>>
>>596611532
Potassium cyanide would have burned her flesh.

She would have been screaming until she died.
>inb4 stupid troll infographic
>>
>>596614978
Ok, but what will he do? How do I know if his tests are going to be any more legit than those I took online?
>>
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>>596614869
>>
>>596614298
You mentioned potassium cyanide, I need cyanides all the time for reactions but the only route I know of that I can do is to produce HCn gas and then push it through a column of KOH and water, and I don't have a good fume hood.

Maybe I'll scale this back a bit. What are the absolutely essential drugs and by what means do you get them? I'm not interested in narcotics, just sourcing things that are otherwise at least loosely controlled.
>>
>>596601351
based as fuck doc
>>
>>596614802
I know that you fucking troglodyte.

>>596614923
Most other peoples seem rounder but mine seem to be way rounder probably because I don't cut them properly and I don't know if it will fuck them up in the long run.
>>
>>596614714

I actually need to go. But I can spare one more because the response has been nice.

>A man comes into my warehouse
>He's completely dead-eyed. Dressed like a normal guy. But just...you can tell somethings wrong.
>"Do you need something, sir?"
>"I think I'm sick. Doc."
>"Alright, well, come in here and let's get you checked out."
>"I was at a party a few weeks ago and I think I might have caught something."
>"And you bring this to me why? You should be able to get this sort of thing at a clinic."
>"My fathers a preacher so...."
>"Gotcha."
>Take some blood samples, also check out his complaints, rectal tearing, raw penis, etc.
>Patient had gone to a party at a fetish dungeon and been involved in a group sex event.
>Give him some pain medication, and some ointment to ease the pain and risk of infection, tell him I'll call him with the results.
>Run tests.
>Holy shit, this guy is HIV as fuck.
>Call him on throw-away and tell him to come see me.
>He shows up.
>"I'm not going to mince words sir, you're HIV Positive."
>"Oh thank God, I was so worried I wasn't.
>"....Excuse me? You realize how horrible news this is?"
>"Oh no, it was a breeding party. I wanted to."

And that's it for today. And that's how I learned about bug chasing and gifting. Good night /b/.
>>
>>596614298
>Lexapro + Welbutrin
Er... I think he'll be fine with St John's Wort for now, OP.
300mg for 4 weeks, upping by 300mg if need be until 900mg. (Check examine.com for hyperflorin-content)

And if he shows signs of mania, head to the nearest psych.
>>596614849
Go see an expert. That's what they are there for.
>>596615198
Because the tests he does are purposely not open to anyone but doctors/psychologists, so nobody can cheat.
Not to mention experience and the endless neurological tests he can run.
Hell, even a psychotherapist could diagnose this shit easily. It isn't that hard.
Worst case is that they fail the differential diagnosis, which will become apparent withing 1 month of therapy tops.

Just don't go to a shit doctor.
Also stay the fuck away from psychoanalysts. They will screw you up for life and take all your money.
(Generally learn the difference of the words psychiatrist, psychologist, psychotherapist and psychoanalyst. Most anons fail right there.)
>>
>>596615481
There is nothing wrong with you, stop worrying.
>>
>>596615499
Goof night OP :)
>>
>>596615499
Thank you for making such a good thread anon,
I appreciated it greatly, may your future ventures be successful.
>>
>>596615499
fuckedup. i've heard rumors of this happening, but had no idea it was real. self loathing fuckers
>>
>>596615499

Thanks doc. Do come back again.
>>
>>596614298
>You would benefit from anti-depressants. I'd recommend Lexapro, it's not as habit forming as Xanax and is a lot simpler to ease into
I thought xanax was for anxiety though. Your anon patient made no mention of any type of anxiety, so why give him a benzodiazepine?
>>
>>596615499
He even ended on some based dubs, Good Night Doc
>>
>>596615499

Oh fuck , I have to read up on this shit
>>
>>596615590
>Because the tests he does are purposely not open to anyone but doctors/psychologists, so nobody can cheat.
Yeah, I got really surprised how tight this is. I tried numerous times to get some of these books and tests and guess what? Fucking impossible. Shit, it's easier to get us state secrets than this shit.
>>
>>596613347
you write it ill film it.
>>
>>596615590
psychiatrist,
>drugs
psychologist
>talking
psychotherapist
more talking
>psychoanalyst
even more talking
>>
Somebody archive this shit.
>>
If you wanted to be a doctor just to help people... why don't you go work in disaster relief, the military, foreign charities, etc?
>>
>>596615966
>I thought xanax was for anxiety though.


So true. Doesn't do shit for depression.
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