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Hey /b/ hit me with the most fucked up jokes you can think of.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 150
Thread images: 18

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Hey /b/ hit me with the most fucked up jokes you can think of.
>>
What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.
>>
>>596352039
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
>>
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What's 1 foot long, blue with a purple head, and makes women scream in the morning?
Crib death.

-or-

What's 13 inches long and makes women go absolutely crazy?
A miscarriage.
>>
how do you make a plumber cry?
you kill his family
>>
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face

How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
>>
>>596352681
MY SIDESSSS loll moreee
>>
>>596352809
What's big, yellow, and cannot swim?

A bulldozer
>>
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>>596352809
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where's my tractor?
>>
bump\
>>
What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four.
>>
>>596352039
How do you get a Mexican pregnant?
Cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
>>
What's the worst thing about being a pedophile?

You just don't fit in
>>
Why do women love Jesus ?

(Hold arms out) because he's hung like this
>>
>>596353596
I like the prejudice ones a lot.
>>
>>596353701
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR!
>>
Oh I got one.
>Why did Timmy drop his ice cream?
>He got hit buy a bus.
>>
>>596352039

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

"Oh, no: I never found her head."
>>
Whats the best part about fucking twenty-one year olds?

There's 20 of them.
>>
>>596352039
How do you kill 100 flies in one blow?
smack a somalian kid in the face with a shovel

what does a baby sound like in the microwave?
idk I was too busy jacking off
>>
What do shingles and fat chicks have in common?

They both get laid by Spics.
>>
What's the worst thing having sex with a 7 year old?

>Hearing her pelvis crack.
>>
It's a little-known fact that a hamster's anus can stretch wider than its body.


Once.
>>
what's black and screams?

stevie wonder answering the iron.
>>
>>596352039

A guy answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

The guy says, "My God.... What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
>>
>Why did Stacey fall of the swingset?
>Because she has no arms!

>Knock Knock
>Who's there?
>Not Stacey!
>>
Two bums are talking about how they can get drunk.
> I've got 50¢. How much you got?
>50¢
>ok, here's the plan. We'll buy a hot dog and throw away the bun. I'll put it down my pants and keep it right inside my zipper. We'll order two shots and drink them up and before the bartender can collect I'll pop out the hotdog and you drop to your knees and start sucking it. They'll throw us out right away and we'll go somewhere else!
> great idea!
So they do it and it works like a charm. Two bars, three bars, and more for half the night.
As they're about to stagger in to another joint though, the second bum says...
> Hey, let's switch this time. All that dropping to the floor is murder on my knees.
The bum replies...
> How do you think I feel? I lost the hotdog three bars ago!
>>
Why dies Helen Keller use one hand to masturbate?

She needs the other one to moan with.
>>
>>596354996
choked on my ramen. 10/10 faggot
>>
A man walks past girl with no arms or legs sitting by a pool. The girl says to the man, "Excuse me sir, I've never been fucked and in my condition no one would want to fuck me. Will you please fuck me?" So the man kicks her into the pool and says, "There, you're fucked."
>>
What is black and blue and hates sex.....?
The 6 year old in my trunk.
>>
>>596352496
Why did the baby cross the road?


It was stapled to the chicken.
>>
what do you call 5 black guys having sex?
>A threesome
>>
>>596355872
What?
>>
What do you do when you see a nigger with half a head running around?

Quit laughing and reload.
>>
>>596355872
I'm not getting this one
>>
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>>596352039
Your life.
>>
>i was in the ghetto once and had to park my car.
>came back to my car later and the window was broken.
>i knew it must have been a crackhead because the only thing stolen was a candybar.
>drove around for an hour looking for a crackhead with chocolate all over his face.
>found one, jumped out the car and grabbed this nigger.
>'hey! what with all this chocolate on your face, motherfucker?'
>he looked confused: 'chocolate..? this is doodoo baby!'
>tfw 'aahhhhh!!' and ran back to my car.
>>
How do you know you're at a gay picnic?

Hotdogs taste like shit.
>>
>>596356246
/thread
>>
>>596355872
UNDERRATED POST

>>596356048
>>596356157
Three-fifths compromise, you uneducated niggers. Look it up.
>>
>>596355872
Underrated joke.
learn your history fags
>>
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>>596355872
The joke is a reference to the law a long time ago when a black persons vote counted as 3/5th's
>>
>>596354083
Whats the hardest part about watching a 7y/o get hit by a bus?

My dick.
>>
>>596356265
oh look its dave chappelle
>>
>>596356657
Thank you 4chan.edu
>>
What's black and yellow and screams?

A bus full of niggers falling over a cliff.
>>
Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew?


One screams in the oven

>inb4 ban
>>
>>596356246

Slowclap.gif

>>596356048
>>596356157

Fucking niggers. Educate yourself more.
>>
>>596356552
>>596356620
>>596356657
Smart motherfuckers right here
>>
>>596356751
ah, you recognized me when i lifted my sack and spread my buttcheeks i see.
>>
>>596356552
I bet you can't tell me why they did it though. But I'm sure you'll check Wikipedia first.
>>
>>596354996
holy shit lol
>>
>>596353596
>mfw I've came on a mexican's shoes
>>
Why do niggers smell?

So blind people can hate them too.
>>
i was raping this bitch the other night.

kept screaming 'please think of my children!'

kinky slut.
>>
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a coffee table?
>>
>>596357120
Why who did what? How can I possibly look up something that vague on Wikipedia?

/thread and lrn2english fag
>>
>>596357424
Wat?
>>
A Jew and a Chinese guy were sitting in a bar.
The Jew looked over and said, "I heard you bombed Pearl Harbour".
The Chinese looked over and said, "No that was the Japanese".
The Jew shrugged and said, "Chinese, Japanese, you're all the same to me"
The Chinese guy leaned over and said, "I heard you guys sunk the Titanic".
The Jew said, "WHAT!!! That an iceberg".
The Chinese guy said, "Iceberg, Goldberg, you're all the same to me".
>>
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Whats the difference between a duck?
>>
>>596357481
You're not too bright are ya?
>>
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>>596357540
My sides are in space right now
>>
a mexican, a jew, and a nigger go in to a bar.

the bartender turns around and says 'gtfo'.
>>
>>596353594
What's the difference between a nigger and a bench. A bench can support a family of 4.
>>
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?

Their last hit was the wall.
>>
>>596356265
Stolen from Dave Chappelle. Hardly a joke. More like observational humor from an experience you never had. 0/10, retard.
>>
i lost my virginity finally to a retarded downs girl today.

i wanted it to be special.
>>
>>596356552
Thanks :P, I totally expected not many people to get it lol.
>>
>>596358004
stolen? you think all of these are oc?

talk about a retard.
>>
A sandwich walks into a bar
Bartender puts his hands up and says
"Whoa pal,
we don't serve food here. "
>>
>>596356265
gtfo
>>
>>596357974
She hit a cement bridge support. Not a wall. :-/
>>
>>596352039
>>596352039


OC, made this one up last week.


Q: Why couldn't the Nazi enthusiasts perform their re-inactment?

A: They got sued for their Reich-ness


Haven't stopped giggling yet.

Also, this
>>596353596
will make me giggle for the next week to come.
>>
>>596352039
women's rights
>>
>>596358134
It was a shit joke is why.
>>
>>596356265
that's dave chapelle motherfucker.
quit pretending you have an interesting life
>>
>>596355872
I don't get this.
3/5*5
8/5
2 rounding up
At most it's a normal homosexual endeavor
>>
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>>596358004
>>596358370

>'an experience you never had'
>dumb enough to think dave chapelle actually had a candy bar stolen and chased down crackheads with shit on their face.

kek.
>>
How do you get a gay guy to fuck a girl

Shit in her cunt
>>
>>596352039
How do Ethiopians celebrate a child's birthday? By putting flowers on the grave
>>
What's squishy, full of holes and sits in your garage? That one retarded kid that went to high school with you.
>>
>>596358004
Yes because everything in this thread is OC and god forbid someone retells an edgey joke in a thread that's about edgey jokes. God I hate the amount of newfags that came here after the fappening. Somehow they still haven't picked shit up
>>
>>596358566
Nah you're just too stupid to appreciate it
>>
I wanna use these for fucked up prank calls. I was thinking of calling the abortion center and telling them me and my wife want a refund.
>suggest prank ideas?
>>
>>596357594
XD
>>
What's the difference between black people and tires?

Tires don't sing when you put changes on them
>>
>What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.
>What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.
>What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.
>>
>>596358730
Jesus fucking Christ man. No need to over complicate shit.
>>
What do faggots call studded condoms?
Mud terrains
>>
>>596357594
One of it's legs are both the same!
>>
>>596357521
You Cant fuck a coffee table
>>
What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea? I'm melting!
>>
>>596359255
The math doesn't add up. Look:
3/5*5
3
rounding down
2
At most it's normal homosexual rendezvous
>>
>>596354189

Laughed hard. good job.
>>
Call a sperm donation center and ask for a refund.
>>
>>596352039

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

Pizzas taste terrible burnt.
>>
What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year? They don't fucking listen.
>>
>>596359840
I also noticed that when I read the joke but still found it funny because I understood the point of the joke. The joke itself makes sense, just not when you over complicate it. It's a pretty common joke but it's not common for people to try and shut it down with math. Just laugh and move on man.
>>
>>596358858
Obvious newfag if you thought the newfags came here after the fappening
>>
>>596360156
Don't you mean...

'Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?"
Pizza's don't scream when you put them in the oven.
>>
What did they say about the special ed student who was good at drawing?

He was very autistic
>>
>>596358730
Wow your math is so bad its impressive
>>
>>596352496
Edgy
>>
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken
>>
>>596352681
kek, iam a plumber
>>
>>596360338

No, I don't. Cannibal joke, dumbass.
>>
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>>596356246
OOOOOOH WHAT NOW OP!?!?!?!?!?!
>>
>>596360253
The joke should be logically atleast I mean otherwise where's the humor?

>>596360412
what are you talking about? 8/5 rounds up to 2
>>
A black man is elected president of America.
Things get worse for black people.
>>
>>596352496
DAMN BRUH YOU SAVAGE LMAO NO BARS SMH
>>
Why did Raggedy Ann get labeled a slut by the others in the toy box? She sat on Pinocchio' s face and said "lie to me!"
>>
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>>596354203
>>
>>596358170
Yeah, stolen. Jokes are one thing, but what you did would be like me taking a story from your life and telling it as if it were my own. You're about as funny as the mouth breathers who used to say "I'm Rick James, bitch." That's why you're a retard.
>>
My girlfriend told me I was a pedophile; I wasn't mad, I was impressed. That's an awfully big word for a nine year-old.
>>
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>>596353328
>That pic
>>
What does a fish say when it hits a wall?

>Damn


Why does the ocean roar?

>You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.


One day an old man was playing golf and his ball landed into a field of buttercups.

>After finding his ball he prepared to take a swing. However, before he could finish his swing, he heard a high pitched voice saying "Please oh please don't hurt my butter up butter cups!"

>The old man looked around and couldn't see what made the sound so he went to swing again.

>However, just like before, as soon as he started to swing he heard a high pitched voice say "Please oh please don't hurt my buttercup buttercups!"

>After looking for the voice once more he still couldn't find it and went to swing again. However, just like before, he heard a high pitched voice say "Please oh please don't hurt my buttercup buttercups!"

>After looking around the old man finally looked at his feet and there he saw a buttercup fairy.

>And the buttercup fairy said to him "Please oh please, sir, don't hurt my buttercup buttercups!"

>"Why shouldn't I hurt your buttercup buttercups?" said the old man.

>"Because, if you don't, I'll give you all the butter in the whole wide world!" said the buttercup fairy.

>"Dammit!" said the old man, "Why couldn't you have been there when I landed in the pussy willows!?"
Last one,

You: Hey do you know how many hairs a white cat has?

Friend: Idk

You: Do you know how many legs a black rooster has?

Friend: Yeah, two.

You: How come you know so much about black cock and nothing about white pussy!?
>>
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>>596361117
i guess i will take it out of my stand-up routine.

p.s. i'm rick james, bitch!
>>
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>>596360700
>>
>>596357372
YES
>>
My son asked me the other day how I feel about abortions. I told him to go ask his sister. He said, "I don't have a sister". There's your answer.
>>
How do you make a dead baby float?


two scoops ice cream, one scoop dead baby.
>>
>>596361117
fucking hell, you sure do take posting edgy humor/jokes on an anonymous board really seriously. calm those tits down, /brohard.
>>
>>596360781
ma gawd
you did 3+5 instead of 3*5
>>
lil girl ask
>daddy whats pedophile ?
he says
>shut up keep sucking
>>
I do not smoke after sex, second hand smoke is very dangerous for children.
>>
A yolk walks into a bar.

The bartender points to the sign that says "Whites Only."
>>
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Whats the hardest part of watching a bus of 10 year old's go off a cliff?

>My dick
>>
how do you know your little sister get her first period?
>>
>>596360781
It is logical. That's how I understood it immediately.
>>
>>596358754
>>596358858
See this
>>596361117

Also >>596358754 thinks that he knows what Dave Chapelle has and hasn't seen. How the fuck do you know that never happened? You don't so stfu, nigger faggot.
>>
Child alone in his room, playing with his toys, when BAM! A time machine appears. "Johnny! I'm you from the future!" "Really? Oh boy! What do I grow up to be?!"
"A pedophile," older Johnny says as he locks the door.
>>
What do you call the useless piece of skin around a vagina?
- A Woman
>>
Favorite pick-up line
Me: "Hey, you want to play the rape game?"
Girl: "OH MY GOD, NO"
Me: "That's the spirit."
>>
>>596362369
i see you are making your own style of self-deprecating humor; whiny internet bitch in a fedora.

kudos!

been done a thousand times already but i won't slam ya for it.
>>
How dead babys does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw them
>>
>>596352039
>Hey /b/ hit me with the most fucked up jokes you can think of.
Women's rights.
>>
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>>596362538
Original the joke...DO NOT STEAL
>>
What has 3 legs, 2 arms and 5 heads? The finishing line of the Boston marathon.
>>
>>596357974
It's Dale Earnhardt, faggot
>>
>>596361917
It's not an edgy joke. Shit. It's not even a fucking joke. It's a piece of a story from a stand-up routine.
>>
>>596362894
I take it you're a redneck?
>>
>>596355561
D:
>>
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>>596363006
your asinine frustration is pleasing. don't have a stroke, mr. tryhard.
>>
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?


Juan
>>
How do you make a pound of fat look good?
>Put a nipple on it.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
>Nothing, she's already been told twice.

also...

How do you fit a dead baby into a bowl?
>With a blender.

How do you get it out?
>Tortilla chips.
>>
Whats funnier than a dead baby in a trash can?

A dead baby in a clown outfit

What s funnier than that?

One dead baby in five trash cans
>>
>>596358483
Technically, thats a wall.
>>
>>596352039
Women's rights.
Thread posts: 150
Thread images: 18


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