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ITT: We pretend to be from other countries. I'll start.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 297
Thread images: 33

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ITT: We pretend to be from other countries.
I'll start.

>Be Japanese
>Wake up, get scolded by parents for having a poor grade.
>Get on my bike
>Drive to school
>Suddenly get hit by huge wave of water
>Wipe out
>Continue to school
>Sit near window in the back of the classroom
>Annoying friends won't shut the fuck up
>After school we decide to go to amusement parks
>None of us are tall enough for the rides

I did shitty.
Be American

>drive to shooting range
>shoot muh assault rifle cause muh freedom
>go to wallmart
>buy ice cream, riding one of those cool scooters
>drive home
>eat ice cream watching TV
>Be french
>Wake up
>Drink wine
>Talk with friends about how you are against guns
>Get shot by two terrorist
Be Greek
> Wake up and have tea
> Eat pita bread with chubby wife
> Whine about greek depression by getting signs and protesting
> After being assaulted by tear gas and billy sticks, goes to mykonos island to party like pauly d
> Wakes up to a white girl from new york
> Run from the underside of the bridge where I woke up to run to the house and sleep next to chubby wife
> Kek and repeat process
>Be Russian
> Wake up for Motherland
>Drink vodka
>Walk to factory 20km in 6m snow
>Half potato and vodka lunch
>Work 14 hours
>Vodka and walk home
>Comrades and Vodka
>Eat other half potato with vodka
>Night vodka
>Sleep for the Motherland

Be Turkish

> Be faggot, and homophobic
> drink bottled water and capri sun
> brainwashed by islam
> smell like cum and aftershave
> louder than volcano at ALL times
> worthless in all ways
> sand nigger
> want so badly to be white
This. Welcome to America my friend
Be German
Stand up at 5 AM
Go to school
have fun with friends and girls
be back at 4 PM
do homework
play BF4
buy wodka and party at friday
Perfect, you're ready to become a cop and strangle a darkie
Be Somalian

>Wake up and rape my waifu
>Drink dogpiss, eat my own shit
>Look into the mirror
>Realize I'm ugly as fuck (Black)
>No work
>Kill people and steal everything
>Read the Quran
>Can't read
>Yells Allahuakbar
>Use Self-Destruct
>404 no nigger to be found
Be Mexican

>wake up
>squeeze all 37 members of my household into 4 door Corolla
>jump border like the Olympics
>sell variety of fruits while Juan and Jose hang out at Home Depot
>Be English
>Wake up on 25th floor flat so I can always look down on people.
>Eat plain tasting food.
>Spot of tea.
>Walk to my job in the rain.
>Jolly good.
Oy! the gov'na
>"Ello guv'na!"
Nailed it.
>Shine shoes all day, with spot of tea.
>Long live the queen. Cheers with mates and tea.
>Go home to ugly girl friend and have missionary sex.
>Praise Big Ben
>be British
>nearly choke on shit tier breakfast
>die from cardiac arrest later
>be finnish
>what the fuck am i actually doing?
Be Danish

>Wake up covered in danish kroner that i get for studying
>Complain about the free education system, cause we're forced to go to school for 6 hours a day.
>Drives home in my parents way-too-expensive car
>Eat frikadeller med sovs
>I am actually danish
>This is pretty average
>be American
>be fat Ass guy
>wake up
>Fuck shower, go directly to Walmart
>buy food with most calories
>go home
>drink over 9000 cans of mountain dew
>Eat cheese pizza with bacon and bacon and an extra bacon
>go outside
>take a gun
>shoot around
>get rekt by police
>Be Russian
>Wake up in my wooden kolchoz house
>Go to school at 5 pm cuz nearest school is two hours by walk
>On the way to school drink two vodkas and inject some Krokodil
>Finally in school. Davai comrades and open another wodka
>Do some slavic squats and dance to crazy electro music
>Beat some girls in class
>Beat teacher
>Beat friends
>Do some more slavic squats
>Drink more vodka and inject more crocodil
>Sit to stolen LADA and drive home
>Russian policemen stop you, beat you and stole rest of your vodka
>Took you to tundra and there beat you again
>You come home after week
>nobody even noticed
Be Hungry

Decide to Eat
no Longer hungry
Be Russian
Slow down and decide not to move so fast

No Longer Russian
>be british
>wake up at 8bong
>have tea and crumpets with my mum and dad
>walk to school
>get stabbed by shit skins
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>be Iranian
>be muslim as fuck
>allah bout allah
>pray about 10 times a day
>fuck those filthy casuals who only do it 5 times
>fast two months a year because Ramadan just isn't enough
>be studying at madrasa
>cute girl sites next to me
>sweet mohammad's beard, she's fine
>wearing the hottest burqa I've ever seen
>can't see her face, but i can tell she's at least an 8/10
>try to start up conversation
>spaghetti starts falling out of robes
>"d-d-do you want to go to the mosque with me tonight?"
>she says yes
>can't believed that worked
>allah be praised
>we meet up later that night
>she goes to designated women section to pray
>but it feels like shes praying next to me
>so many feels
>we do this a few more times over the next several days
>things are getting pretty serious
>the next day we meet in a crowded bazaar
>i tell her that even though i haven't seen her face, i bet she's the most beautiful girl in the middle east
>she blushes
>well i'm assuming she blushed. can't be sure
>tell her I've brought her a present
>unbutton my shirt and show it to her
> it's the best suicide vest money can buy
>i grab her hand and say," do you want to go to heaven wit me, my darling?"
>she sequels with delight
>i let her push the button because i'm a gentleman
>i arrive in heaven
>allah, muhammad, and osama bin laden all give me high fives
>fucking sweet
>look around
>habebe is nowhere to be seen
>they tell me she's been sent to hell because one day she only prayed 4 times.
>mfw no gf
>Be Norwegian
>Eat potato for breakfast
>Bang my Swedish chicks
>Ride my polar bear to school
>Learn how to kill moose
>Eat dinner with the monarch
>Complain about all the gipsy's
>Party all night
+1 sir
>Be german
>wake up
>go to wörk
>go home
>play a game from my wörk simulator collection
>go to bed
Fucking kek m8
Be Pakistani

>Wake up
>Look at my waifu
>This hairy raccon looks like shit
>Hit her with my shoe
>Fuck my camel instead
>Go back home
>Beat my waifu to death with a rock
>Go back out
>Fuck camel Nr.2
>Brainwashed by Quran
>Go full jihad
Well I tell my true story...

>Be German
>wake up at 16:00
>Fuck half of the day is gone
>watch for 2 hours TV
>go shit and shower
>drive to the bank and get my money (Arbeitslosengeld)
>drive to friend
>buy some weed
>drive home
>smoke weed and play video games or browse /b/
>already 06:00
>go sleep

>be Korean
>sick micro
>pro gamer
>tfw no gf
>tfw mandatory draft
>skinny and weak because spend all my time playing video games
>get pwnd irl by North Korean soldiers
>gg no re
>sell variety of fruits while Juan and Jose hang out at Home Depot
im not even racist but that made me chuckle
do you even play Truck / Tractor / Farm simulator freund?
>Be Canadian
>Wake up and eat the recommended daily serving of maple syrup and Canadian bacon for breakfast
> Put on my new hockey skates and start heading towards school
>Play curling for the next 7 hours
>After the game apologize to the other team for beating them
>Go to the doctor because I broke my wrist from curling
>mfw us Canadians have universal health care
You're home alone melancholicaly drunk as balls
>be north Korean
>wake up and go outside to get some water
>water is to expensive today cannot buy
>go home and see solders in my house
>they searching for ilegal items
>find my playboy magazine
>get arrested and send to work as slave for 10 years
>mfw still no water
>die of dehydration
Are you an animal fucker tho?

I heard it was legal where you live
Nice dubs
>be Irish
>get up to hearty breakfast of potato cakes and an Irish coffee (hold the coffee)
>stop at the bar and have a couple dozen beers with for iends before work.
>stumble into work
>start job, road construction
>all day long averting lassies and lads to the side of the road to fix the road
>while drinking whiskey
>lunch time, 5 baked potatoes and a pint of guineas
>works over church and the wine time
> dinner time, liver and potato's mashed.
>go to bed.
>all of this while cold all day.
You forgot.

Fuck some 15 year olds.
Drink a beer with my 3 year old nephew.

Og hvem fuck spiser frikadeller med sovs?
Prøv med rugbrød..
Be Brazilian
> wake up at 10 AM
> eat banana and some water from near river
> go to shool with my personal monkey through deep jungle
>mfw school gone because of flood
> lunch monkey
> Go back home followed by a boa
> Play with rocks and sticks with friends
> Don't have dinner. We can't afford with $1 dollar a day.
> Dream playing soccer all night.
>be swedish
>hurdiburdy ahurdibur shurfurdi hurr hurr popadicorn hurdy shrimpee
>be swedish
>wake up
>homosexuals burst throw my door
>gladly give them oral sex
>they cum all over my face
>homosexuals leave
>start posting on /int/
>made fun off because of am Swedish
>start shit posting on /b/ because am swedish
>go to bed
>be from /b/
>wake up fap to porn
>take a shit
>fap while shitting
>fap while smoking and drinking
>share pictures of mine and friend's girlfriends
>fap some more
>fap again for good measure
>look at webm of people dying
>fap 5 more times
>sleep in crusty boxers
>repeat everyday until suicide
What about your daily gay sex sessions?
>sleep in crusty boxers

I lold
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Please /b/, be indian.
Be Swedish
>wake up to ABBA blaring from my phone
> eat my rotten fish and lingon berries for breakfast
>side of crayfish
>go to my job at IKEA
> Be antisocial
>quietly bork to myself as i work
>time to go home
>pass 10/10 blond on my way
>everyone is 10/10 blond
>participate in gay orgy on my way home
>good day in sweden
>Be Dutch
>Let islamic cunts scream that they don't want to shake hands
>Fine with it
>Government fucks everything up
>Fine with it
>Stoned as balls
>Come home
>The missing snow on my roof has warned the cops I've got a weedfarm
>Not fine with this
Be English

>Wake up
>Drink tea
>lose another tooth
>gain another pound
>Invade other countries and praise Margaret Thatcher for the inspiration
>moan about how Murica is always invading other countries
>lose another tooth
>go to bed
>Be Canadian
>Move to Alberta
>be from China
>wake up, crawl over great grandparents, then grandparents, then parents
>mom in hospital to give birth to sister
>go to school as usual
>learn about ching chongs and ling taos
>get A- in school, try and navigate home
>get lost in crowd of 10,000 asians like its a god damn mirror maze
>get beat with rice paddys and kendo sticks
>cry self to sleep
>repeat everyday until suicide

>which is streamed live for /b/
>be Dutch
>420 blaze it faggot
Æder du ikke frikadeller med sovs? Hvad fanden er der galt med dig?
You forgot niggers.
lol, ben je alweer vrij?
>24/7 blaze it faggot
>be Chinese living in another country
>move to shitty china town started by other chinese
>open shitty corner store or shitty restaurant
>employ entire family in shitty business
>somehow make obscene profits
>drive fancy imported sports car
>still have tiny penis
Be Indian

>rape tourists
>the end
>be french faggot
>wake up
>go to my car
>drive like an idiot and make an accident
>don't give a fuck just dlcontinue driving
>on the way to work make 10 more accidents
>at work ... Niggers everywhere
>Niggers stole my car
>Niggers stole my money
lol love it malaka
>be german
>be hitler
>be 1940
>decide to recruit an army
>decide to exterminate all the jews
>seig heil
>be swedish
>wake up due to the loud noise coming from the newly built mosque
>early breakfast
>eat sandwhich with "kalles kaviar"
>snowing outside
>some niggers burning cars outside
>have to go to uni
>complain about free education system
>take subway
>subway is late as fuck due to snow
>implying they shouldn't have fized this last year
>sit next to loud arabs talking about durka durka muhammed jihad, on the subway
>one calls me a racist
>the other one beats me down
>too afraid to do something
>all other swedes sit way to fucking far away because swedes don't like to be social
>a gang of Swedish democrats come and beat the shit out of the loud arabs
>they end up in jail and media covers it up
>arrive at uni
>my class is full of feminist, white quilt ridden swedes, and fat SJW's
>see some girls near the window
>they kissing niggers and kebabs
>i recognize that kebab
>he's the one that hit me on the subway
>leave class early
>swedis goverment giving my tax money to the kebab's future children
>tfw this is an average day in sweden
Nein sorry komme aus Koblenz
>be Quebecfag
>wake up
>scream about wanting to separate from the rest of Canada because fuck people that speak an international language that i'm too dumb of a lazy fuck to learn
>go brag how Quebec is culturually enriched
>ironically being Americanized
>being an annoying shitty self entitled prick who doesn't understand humility
>living in a double standardized province who wants to be a country despite being economically strained
>people are pretentious prejudiced fucks
>eat some poutine because thats how Quebec pride itself: french fries, gravy and cheese curds(not so American influenced, at all)
>be German
>get up at 4 am
>brush teeth and shower on the way to work to not waste time
>arive at work 3 hours early
>everyone else is already there
>work til 8pm
>driving home in shitty Volkswagen
>drink beer and eat sauerkraut
>fuck my thai woman that i bought from catalogue
>drink beer until i pass out
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>be American
>get shot
you know that Hitler was austrian, right?
>be from Transdniestria
>wake up in my mud pit
>i'm hungry
>kills my dog, sparky
>eat delicious raw meat
>go to school
>lol nope, jk
>go to my babushka
>steal her money
>buy vodka
>beat babushka
>go back to my mud pit
>pray for death during sleep
>pray for death of moldovan traitors
Mfw American detected

Hitler was Austrian faggot
Har vi aldrig gjort. Spiser du også kartofler til så?
- Du er sikkert Jydefag
>Be Irish
>Grow up in Torr Gaeltacht
>Father is former IRA
>Forbidden to speak English
>Never learn it
>Move to Dublin for Colaiste
>Walk about city
>see all signs &c in Irish
>Assume everyone speaks Irish like I do
>go into restaurant on 1st day
>none of the staff speak Irish
>guy at next table speaks broken Irish
>offers to translate
>wrong dialect
>shite pronunciation
>barely manage to order my Guinness
>WTF are all these Sassenachs doing in Our city

Scrios Chromail orm.
>be Swedish
>be a faggot
>blow random guy
geh arbeiten du fick!
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Be Finnish
Frozen to bed
urinate on myself to thaw
eat dehydrated elk for breakfast with hot water
go to work
dogsled is my vehicle
work as a lumberjack
do this for 16 hours
dogsled back to my cottage
fuck the dogs
freeze to my bed

fuck greentext
Be Canadian
>wake with husband dick in mouth (both dudes)
> go to work at -70 °C. Weather is fine.
> Chat with foreign coworkers. Don't understand chinese but who cares.
> Have lunch with queer friends.
>Back home. Time for some TV soap operas starting gays, minorities and SJW.
> Husband arrives with 4 niggers. We all have sex like normal canadians.
> Both get AIDS, but does not matter bc we have universal Health.
Ich suche ja :(
Keiner will einen ITler mit Ahnung ...
greek drinking tea?? no mate no just...no
Verklighetstroget, tyvärr.
>be swedish
>wake up
>go to work
>go home
> browse /b/ to find out about how dem crazy immigrants are fucking up my country this time
>play cs:go
>go to bed
>Be german
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Sierra Leone
>be from Freetown
>in a shack
>thirsty as fuck
>go to a river
>full of shit like dirt
>drink it anyway
>going back to my shack
>not feeling well
>some motherfucker robs me
>takes my clothes, all I have
>get back to my shack
>lie around
>some nutshit comes and starts coughing next to me and gives me ebola
>feds come to my neighbourhood and kill a bunch of people
>fuck, another revolution
>stand up, point a bazooka out the window
>these motherfuckers are staying away from me
>alpha as fuck
>go back to bed when fighting is done
>wake up around twilight
>go get another drink of water from scummy pond
>don't get robbed this time
>drop dead in the street because Ebola
>mfw I kill 20 other people who stepped on me
Yup, og du er vel en solariebøsse fra centrum i KBH? har du prøvet at være uden for byen?
Nah. It is legal, but i've never heard of a dane who've fucked an animal
wake up at 16:00 and half the day is gone? Isnt it dark at like 17-18
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Not at all.
- Er selv fra Esbjerg..
>try to start up conversation
>spaghetti starts falling out of robes

fucking weak, my sides
> 1940
war started 1939 but whatever
>be polish
>go to library
>go on pc
>create thread

"What's the cheapest way to kill myself?"
Hier ein ITler mit Ahnung und 110k
Ich musste die letzten 10 Jahre hart arbeiten für mittelkleines Geld, und wenn Du dann aber Chef bist... locker sein, deligieren, entspannen und Cabrio fahren
Fang am besten morgen an! Nimm die erstbeste Arbeit und suche dann immer nach was Besserem...
Be Finnish peasant back in 1630's
work my field all day long and drink vodka while in sauna
get drafted to some stupid war that Sweden got them self into yet again
>Be Finland
>wake up
>Eat fishes
>make dank memes
>Ebin :DDD
>go to bed
you forgot
>eat vodka
Be Indian
>Wake up next to river of garbage with 100,000 of my closest relatives
>Find unknown animal in garbage, cover with curry and eat
>Time for work in a call center. Everyone from garbage river is there
>"Hello my name is Timothy" real name Marsalatoresh
>After work, you go to your designated garbage pile
>Wife has given birth to another daughter, throw her in neighbor's garbage pile
>Eat rice with different colored mushes
>Thanks to all 600 gods that helped today
>Sleep in massive pile of body odor.
>Be German
>Wake up at 5am
>Drive to work in my VW
>Complete a productive day of work
>Come home to wife and family
>Kiss wife, enjoy nice meal
>Go to my study and jerk off to scat
>Be Swedish
>My name is PewDiePie
>Fuck a hot chick from italy, even though our country is filled with dem blonde burds.
>My name is PewDiePie
>My name is PewDiePie

Combine these 3 please
Drink bleach

Great quick way to die.

Or just commit sudoku with a butter knife
>be Canadian
>-40 in the winter
>+40 in the summer
>desolate lifeless tundra in the winter
>warm humid nights = mosquito heaven in summer
>winter lasts for 6 months
>summer lasts for 4
>literally snows a 30cm a day, literally have to use snow mobile to get to work
>Floods in the summer
>wait for 20 minutes for car to warm up or risk hypothermia in winter
>wait 20 minutes for car to cool down or risk heat stroke in summer

Oh wait I'm not pretending

Canada is the most bipolar country in the world, fuck australia ain't got shit on us
>Be Finland
>wake up
>Eat fishes
>make dank memes
>Ebin :DDD
>go to bed
Be Finnish peasant back in 1630's
work my field all day long and drink vodka while in sauna
get drafted to some stupid war that Sweden got them self into yet again
Be Finnish
Frozen to bed
urinate on myself to thaw
eat dehydrated elk for breakfast with hot water
go to work
dogsled is my vehicle
work as a lumberjack
do this for 16 hours
dogsled back to my cottage
fuck the dogs
freeze to my bed

fuck greentext

here you are finbro
>Be American
>Life's good.
>be english
>go to the internet
>hate the internet saying english girls are ugly
>look at my right where my wife is standing
>she ugly as fuck
>insult people over the internet: "Emma Watson stfu noob"
>but Emma Watson was born in france
>I hate the french
>get exited about the upcoming waterloo celebration
>pic related we totally won that by ourselves
>be proud of England
>go to work happy. and proud.
>walk under the rain, be sad
>eat luch. disgusting shit is served. be sadder.
>look at the rain through the window
>lost in my mind, dreaming about nice weather, pretty girls and edible food
>set up mind to buy a house in france
>get there in june
>nice weather
>great food
>beautifull girls
>pro: they are bitches, fuck everything even the irish
>con:but not me
>get mad, deny england was ever invaded by the french
>england best country
>we will invade france, that will show them
>join secret organisation of english settlers in france
>we plan long term invasion by buying every fucking house we get the chance to buy
>never mix up with the locals, stay between brits
>mfw when we'll get thrown at the sea in a hundred years by a virgin girl
britfag here kekd
>>Thanks to all 600 gods that helped today
>>Sleep in massive pile of body odor.

Sad but funny true

Kek'd very hard
>be Latvian
>wake up in gutter
>time to start the daily hunt for potato and wodka
>search streets for potato
>no potato
>beg people for potato
>no potato
>crawl into trashcan
>find potato!!
>secret police kick my trashcan over
>steal my potato
>send me to Siberia
>average day for latvian
>Be Venezuelan
>Wake up go stand in line
>Pray for toilet paper today
>No toilet paper
>Take shit and wipe with cat
>Go to bed dreaming of all the beautiful Venezuelan Miss Universes wiping their asses with cats.
Ebin kekels
There actually are rusians who live like that.
Are you from Quebec by any chance?
t-thanks guys
>be swedish
>wake up 4am to Islamic call to prayer outside my apartment
>eat some halal breakfast because thats all they have in the store
>go outside and give 10kronor to gypsy beggar outside my door.
>get robbed and slapped around by muslims
>thank them for not killing me, praise allah
>walk to school, bike has been stolen
>start walking home because somebody burned the school down
>get robbed again by somalis, also raped
>try to hold back tears as I thank them
>cop car speeds by, being pelted by rocks
>crawl home, inwardly applauding myself for my unrelenting tolerance
Needs more reindeer.
>be american
>go to walmart
>get shot
>hospital says that'll be $750,000 y'all
>get so angry that i fall off of my mobility scooter
>>Pray for toilet paper today
>>No toilet paper
>>Take shit and wipe with cat
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it's the worst province
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Rule И.6: If you speak finnish, you're cool. no exceptions.
Really close, you forgot to add a drive thru for fast food but other than that, welcome. Take an assault rifle from the the gun rack over there and the nigger whips are hanging on that coat hanger over there in the corner. Make yourself at home. Dinner is at 5p.m. and 8 p.m.
What city are you from? What's your name?
>get beat with rice paddys
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>be Transylvanian
>father was in the Order of the Dragon
>brother is a traitor beta and submits to the kebab
>be in jail for a while
>gather army and put kebab on trees
>high end gardening, this is my design
you forgot the part where you play games with 200 ping and act like a retard
Top Kek
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Be Japanese

>wake up
>go to school in swag shirt and tie
>in class
>look to left
>demonstrate my ninja skills to swoon
>mfw gf
>go to gf house
>gf mom sells bread
>shit tastes awful
>meet her parents
>her dad plays baseball with children
>fast forward a year
>gf evolve
>wife pregnant
>wife gives birth
>be depressed for 3 years
>hang out with daughter
>daughter gets sick
>mfw both die
>wake up
>look at waifu giving birth
>mfw all a dream
>wake up from dream within dream
>lonely manga drawer
>be serbian
>wake up tottaly fucked up
>mum says hello
>go in school
>friend greets you
>go like this all day
>with cat
Feels m8
>Wake up early
>Feed my 3 dogs, 8 cats, 5 cows, 2 pigs, chickens, roosters and gees.
>Eat breakfast. (potato with salad)
>Go to the field and pick potatoes until the sun comes up
>The sun comes up.
>Go inside, prepare food (potato with salad)
>milk the cow
>Pick berries
>Pick mushrooms
>Chop wood
>Read the local magazine
>Eat leftowers (potato with salad)
>Go to sleep at 6pm
Chibougamau but that's all you'll get
half potato men

>half potato
be chilean

>wake up
>wake up with track suit
>eat uncooked eggs
>take wife on tractor
>leave wife at local "fun haous"
>drive to work with tractor
>sell iron, just iron
>eat cloth
>drink raw eggs
>leave work with tractor
>pick up wife
>spray cheap deodorant on her
>go home
>sleep in track suit
>be Russian
>get up
>listen do the radio while eating a breakfast of salt fish and vodka
>cheer to the news of yet another victory of the pro-Russian brethren in Ukraine
>put on fur coat and valenki, it's fucking freezing out there
>go out
>OH NO! two militiamen are waiting in front of the building
>"Hey, you! Are you Anon Anonovich Anonenko?"
>nod nervously
>"Get in the car, suka!"
>going somewhere, windows fogged, can't see shit
>car stops: "Get out!"
>military base in the woods
>"You've been drafted, malchik! The Red Army needs you in Ukraine."
>be confused
>"They said on the radio we're not involved!"
>everyone laughs like crazy
fucking kek
>be japanese
>commit suicide
>>take wife on tractor
>take wife on tractor

Kek la Kek
>be dutch
>ride my bike to school
>it's raining
>arrive at my school
>spot friends
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>"Hey, you! Are you Anon Anonovich Anonenko?"
>nod nervously
>"Get in the car, suka!"
Hint: All foreign countries eat potatoes daily
>be Argentinian
>be white
No because i did say to somebody not so long ago how in Quebec we have bipolar temparatures and then i go on /b/ to see somebody post word for word what i said not so long ago to somebody

I'll give you some clues motherfucker:
>be victim of a huge psychological warfare campaign
>be one of the most hated individual in a whole range of coties in Quebec due to sociopath brother and his minions

Get fucked in the ass you fucking piece of shit
>be Serbian
>on the bus from work
>legs hurt like crazy, need to sit down
>empty seat on a crowded bus?
>someone left a half-eaten kebab on the seat
>remove kebab
>somehow funny
> be indian
> had to beg please to others to be indian
> eat and shit with hand ,drink sacred cow pee
> populate ugly creature
Its commit sudoku, newfag
What's a cotie?
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>be American
>wake up
>roll out of bed
>roll to the kitchen
>use my wall-mounted AR-15 as support get up
>get leftover burger out of the fridge
>fry some eggs
>fry some bacon
>fry the burger
>fry my AR
>fry some fries
>sit down at the table and eat
>finish eating, try to get up
>knock over table with my morning wood
>realize my weiner is still hard as my cholesterol isn't letting the blood flow out of my weiner
>stomp my foot in the food
>gets covered in cheap ketchup from walmart
>blame it on the lack of food stamps
>leave the house
>go to my car
>cheap shitty Honda
>fucking immigrant asian shit
>fucking paintjob doesn't have the star spangled banner on it
>fucking 1% with their fancy trucks
>drive to church
>cautiously greet the black family
>cautiously greet my neighbor
>cautiously greet the smiling politicians doing photo ops
>go into church
>church finishes within six hours
>find my car stolen
>thank the Lord that I will get 50 bucks from my insurance
>walk home
>find it on fire and all of my TVs stolen
>thank the Lord that I will get $10,000 off my property tax
>call the cops
>they arrive by midnight
>they frisk me
>cop's hand gets stuck between my third and fourth roll of fat
>the other one pulls out a gun
>"but i'm pale!"
>they tell me i still assaulted them
>gunned down
>sing the The Star-Spangled Banner as my cholesterol pools on the sidewalk
>lived as an American
>died as an American
>be french
>wake up, suck my nigger friend's dick
>go to school
>girls try to seduce me but I'm not a beta and into that shit
>school's over
>go to hairdresser
>how would you like your hair anon?
>just fuck my ass
>get fucked in the ass
old pasta is old

>wake up
>go to kitchen
>suddenly, no bread
>go to bakery
>"kurwa, give me this bread"
>you pay for a bread
>go back to your house
>cut up bread
>go to fridge
>no butter

wow, someone wants to be edgy. calm your huskies icecowboy
>be american
>go to cinema
>get shot
>go to school
>get shot
>go shopping
>get shot

Typos, it happens alot when you're typing from a touch screen apple device
well, it's not far from reality though
>be french
>wake up, suck my nigger friend's dick
>go to school
>girls try to seduce me but I'm not a beta and into that shit
>school's over
>go to hairdresser
>how would you like your hair anon?
>just fuck my ass
>get fucked in the ass
>go home
>my nigger boyfriend invited his friends
>bukakke while deep throating a baguette and surrendering
Well, you tried
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>be Roman
>wake up
>go to work
>work's over go to local arena to watch the games
>eat plenty of bread
>go to after party in tavern
>fuck whores
>worship penis god
>scribble shit in Latin on bathroom stall
>Be Romanian
>Go to Sweden to pretend to be a homeless person begging for me
>Lose almost all the money cause I got to go back to the home country
/b/ please do palestine
I'm not

I'm being pretty serious

That's what happens when people are not able to think for themselves and believe 100% in gossiping like a muslim believes in Allah
> be Turkish
> emigrate to Germany
> Be sweed
> Wake up
> Tell the two fine black entities to leave my bed
> Scoop my ass for left over cum I didnt swallow
> Go to work
> Met cute arab hobo
> Feelsorry.jpg
> Let him rape me voluntarily
> Get AIDS
> Get to work
> Help white pepole become a minority in my country
> On my way home from work
> See the cute hobo again
> Another ass rape
> Return home
> Go to bed with a smile on my face
>be Finnish dude
>wake up with girlfriend
>I am ugly and she is a goddess
>treat her like personal maid
>she stays with me because I am typical Finnish guy

True story. Thanks Finnish guys, you might be really lucky to have all those hot chicks, but you treat them badly enough that it makes it easy for us foreigners to snatch them up
>be gypsy
>wake up
>beat wife
>tell my kids to go begging
>beat wife
>go to bed
>shit in the bed
> b yuro
> proceed to lose every argument im in
> b sad cause friends killed by sand niggers
> b hungry have no money to
> c amerifag post on /b/
> inferiority complex instantly triggered
> spam traps and cocks saying im murrican
> my shitty yuro life in a nutshell
great, now "Roman penis god" is in my browser history
Fuck green text
Be Japanese
Wake up to waifu alarm clock
Take bath
Sister comes in to wash my back
Fucked the onii chan out of her
Take bullet train to school
Godzilla smashes track
Get to school find love letter in locker
It's my sempai
Meet on rooftop after class
"I...I love you japan-chan
Start undressing
Take off her panties
"D-don't stare! It's embarrassing!"
Tentacle monster appears from downstairs
Rapes sempai
Go home
Put the days happenings into a visual novel
Make millions
Kiss waifu pillow
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>be Estonian
>soviet comes
>go to woods to become wood bro
>try do some sabotage
>lil bro goes to Winland
>other family gets sent to Siberia because that's why
>never see ur family again
>nazis invade rapethosecommies.jpg
>nazis don't like you either and you hate them too
>commies coming back and join waffen-SS to defend ur country
>mfw germans leave you and you are back where you started
>*red oppression intensifies*
>everything is shit, even piss cause part of Soviet Ryssia
>finally Eest gains some independence
>eat porridge with vodka and hog
>go to work like before but at least this time piss is piss
>see some students hailing stalin and lenin with red flags
>work 14 hours selling vodka to Finns and meet ur lil bro *dem feels*
>go home watch the news and Russia is calling Estonia poltergeist apartheid because Est don't like Russ
>be polish
>waking up
>kurwa in my mind
>go to badly paid job
>see a nigger homo on the street walking without handcuffs
>want to kick out of country some muslims
>in work
>reading news
>"polen cannot into space tomorrow"
>"polen cannot intomuch moneys yesterday"
>back from work
>TV on
>"Polen cannot into sports, sandnegros stealing madals"
>wake up
>just a dream
>everything is the same as it was in dream
>Be Serb
Ah, I thought it was just some frenchy canuckistan word.
>fuck greentext
>write like a greentext
just ask how to do this, mate
>be german
>wake up and pray to mekka
>eat garlic soup for breakfast and drink apple tea
>sit in 3er bmw and drive to uncles kebab place for wörk
>take a shit, dont wash hands
>jizz in homemade kebabsauce
>sell kebab to infidels
>close store
>drive home
>beat wife for not wearing towel on head
>go sleep
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KEK thats sweden in 2016 allright
>run a marathon
>get bombed
>go to work
>get planed
>Be Japanese
>Wake up to waifu alarm clock
>Take bath
>Sister comes in to wash my back
>Fucked the onii chan out of her
>Take bullet train to school
>Godzilla smashes track
>Get to school find love letter in locker
>It's my sempai
>Meet on rooftop after class
>"I...I love you japan-chan
>Start undressing
>Take off her panties
>"D-don't stare! It's embarrassing!"
>Tentacle monster appears from downstairs
>Rapes sempai
>Go home
>Put the days happenings into a visual novel
>Make millions
>Kiss waifu pillow
>Be Swedish
newfriend doesn't know how to greentext
>go to the hospital to get treated
>that'd be 100.000 plus tip


wot m8
Felix ?
Here, take all my keks
>it'll be an underrated post.
>be french
>wake up and surrender to my wife
>Make breakfast of croissants and galoises
>immediately surrender to it
>go to work for 4 hours, surrender to boss and complain of long working day
>eat lunch of cheese and baguettes
>drive my citroen badly before arriving home and surrendering
>wife has shaved her armpits and pussy
>be appalled by lack of body hair
>surrender anyway
>go to sleep.
>dream of surrender
>be Czech
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pred gud

The Clannad is strong with this one.
be angry?
Here you go


>wake up
>give the wife a smack
>shell Israeli settlements
>have some breakfast
>help my nephew with his bomb vest (silly Ahmed, he always gets the wires wrong)
>meet my pals at the teahouse
>smoke some sheesha, drink some tea
>a wild Rasheed appears
>"Guys! Guys! The Swedish delegation is here!!!"
>quickly run to the backyard, roll in dirt, Salaam drips some ketchup on my face
>find Swedish delegation
>wail about being beaten up by Israeli soldiers
>"My pöör fëllow!"
>Sweden recognises Palestine as a state
Lame. Really lame. Just no.
Wasn't too obvious was it?
Are you retarded m8? The only part of Vancouver speaking french are the ones hailing from Quebec

Therefore your post is based on shitty retarded assumptions
>be dutch
>wake up to 4 different kinds of music blasting through the apartment complex
>eat some toast for breakfast
>go to coffeeshop
>buy some wiet
>build a jointje
>smoke that kankerzooi
>on my way back home buy a broodje frikandel
>and some Heineken
>go back home and drink piss beer while getting stoned as fuck
>watch some Willem van Oranje on tv
>someone yells kanker
>pass out
god be with them
The polish dream got real.
Also. Laughed finally.
That's why you wear a plate carrier with IV plates when doing anything in America.
You got it half right tho
well that doesnt sound bad at all

No no, not at all. Hardly saw through it.
Okay good I was hoping someone would catch it but didn't want to make it blatantly obvious
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fucking kek
I want to have hair like you, how?
Settle down there Dudley Do-Right. Sounds like another ignorant northerner doesn't even know the origin of the word Canuck. Have Canadians given up on dictionaries. Too much maple syrup in the water I guess.
you must suck 5 dicks
Don't wash it.
>Be German
>Get GTA5
>Its not full version
>Leave Germany.
where are you from?
Im turkish n white and gay.hahahha i just broke the stereotype , also i have nk unibrow
>be polish
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Be Serbian
Wake up to another day of my job
removing kebab
remove the kebab for the glory of Serbia
Go on vacation to Sweden
have heard the tales of the fine women of the north
whole place is kebab
Be from Congo

>Wake up to buzzing flies
>Leave shed with a bucket we shit in, getting ready to walk 5 miles so I can get some water
>On my way notice local villagers burning a man cause he stole a farmer's melon
>Halfway through notice friend Sony with bandages on his stomach and looking sick as fuck
> "What happened Sony? "My mom sold my kidney"
>"Good thing he has 2" I think to myself
>On my way notice a rat running by
>Nigger stealth mode activated
>Kill it by throwing dried cow shit
>Get to water pump
>Around 50 people are waiting
>Finally my turn, pump my water and make my way back to the village
>On my way see friends swimming in filthy water (can literally see the oil reflection in the sunlight
>Hey anon come join! I say no cause I still have to help dad out in the mine
>Get home, put down the 5 water buckets I was carrying
>Make my way to the mine
>Put on my hat made of branches and start mining
>Time passes by (surprised nobody got killed)
>Eat the dad rat I caught, along with 9 bananas my dad stole (enough for entire family)
>Good meal
>Go to bed
>Wake up
Wtf is kanker?
>Be from South Africa
>Wake up in a hut
>Get aids from touching the ground
>Die instantly
>next of kin repeats until extinct
>3 lines in
>already cackling like a madman
saw where that was going as soon as i read bread
Check this Kek
>don't know what kanker means
kill yourself, CANCER.
[:/Engage Greentext/];
be murika
get cold
goto doctors
$593,297 plz
die frum starving
[:/Disengage Greentext/];
>Be from Australia
>Wake up sweaty
>Watch MadMax
>Drink few beers
>Drive your Holden to the beach
>Get eaten by a shark while bitten by a snake and raped by a koala
Be Brazilian
>wake up
>go outside
>dance with 17 women 3 men and a child
>get in car
>vroom vroom
>driving down street
>see the rock
>oh shit.jpg
>drive around corner
>wait till night
>roll up to group of racers
>American street racer
>rock rolls up on street race crew
>oh shit again.jpg
>American looks at Boulder
>"this is Brazil"
>mfw Boulder retreats to mountain
>Danza kuduro
> be ukrainian
> be future
> dude where's my country?
> be russian
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>Be African
>Walk 30km to nearest water source
>Do some sad poses in front of a white fotographer
>As I walk away I fall over and cut my knee
>Rub mud onto it because the medicine man told me it will help
>I die from an infection
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>be swedish
>sunday, go to church
>see some cousins outside
>we hang out a bit
>suddenly one of these foreigns
>gtfo of my country!!!
>"but i didnt do anything"
>me and some others kick his ass
>get pissed off, because nobody follow our law
>get home
>wife asks me how I am
>illhamudllah, saw some blond fags today
>noticed this is not sweden
>this is caliphate of sweden
>kill some infidels
>kill wife
>thank allah and go sleep
pic related to me
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>be arab
>wake up, parents are praying
>seems serious
>dad starts telling me that he'll miss me and shit
>get ready to go to school
>get in car
>drive for a few minutes
>car starts beeping
>mfw got in the wrong car
>Be angolan
>Wake up listening to kuduro
>Dance for a bit before going outside
>Meet friends, dance some more kuduro
>Drink Cuca
>Dance some more
>Find some faggots in the street dancing
>Kill them both with my machete
>Go to friend's home, we have a huge party
>Dancing to Kizomba with some gyals, and drinking Cuca
>Fuck 4 gyals that night
>Go home
Get rekt Russians and Ukrainians
From Potatoland. ekhm Poland
kurwa, kocham Cię, cebulo moja <3

>high end gardening, this is my design

>Be from niger.
>Also be nigger.
>Wake up.
>Fuck nigger wife in the pooper.
>Get cataracts and go blind.
>Thank whoever the fuck it is we niggers worship that I don't have to look at her anymore.
>Drink dirty water in front of camera for a charity.
>Camera crew pointing and laughing while they drink bottled water.
>Crew leaves, still have dirty water.
>Hear they pocketed all the money they said they'd use to help us and got high.
>Fuck wife in pooper again.
>Both have super AIDS and super Ebola so it's k.
>Wife pregnant for like the 50th time.
Hidden msg found from camera crew:
>be romanian
>wake up
>mom makes breakfast
>nothing again
>exit caravan
>sit by store all day with cup
>becomes night
>rob a drunk guy
>get back home
>made $40 today for my boss
>police says we cant live in non caravan parks
>tells us to leave
>people protest
>we can stay
>get houses from government
>get free money
>sell everything
>buy caravan
>just another day
>I love Sweden
>Be jew.
>Year is 2189
>Currency no longer exists.
>Shutdown windows XP.
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>Be Portuguese
>Wake up and remember about how I don't have any Empire left
>Cry for a bit
>Take a bath and carefully comb my mustache
>Go to work at construction site
>Drink vinho verde and talk about Ronaldo
>Go home and drink some more
>Feel superior to the Spaniards because of Aljubarrota
>Eat over-meaty dish
>Go give my mustache a bath
>Go to bed and dream about owning Brazil, Africa, and the Indias
>My face when I'm Maria.
>Be Dutch
>Some guy hijacks the news
>Something about bombs and hackers
>Ask my wife to pass me the mashed patatoes and ocntinue to eat my meal
I'm fucking weak
ayy lmao
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>Be Kahjitt
>Be in Elsweyr
>Pray 5 times a day to the moon
>Move to Cyrodiil
>Walk into Market
>"But Kahjiit didn't take anything!"
>"pay the court a fine or serve your sentence, Your stolen goods are now forfeit!"
>Try to pay fine
>Notice imperial guard is 8/10
>Deep blue eyes
>Reach for gold to pay fine
>Skooma falls out of my pants
>Die in imperial dungeon
Be Japanese
>be hikikomori
>sit all day in my room playing weird jap vidya
>fap to weird jap shit
>cry cuase no gf
>cry cause no social life
>fuck it play more vidya
>read manga
>read manga
>read manga
>no sleep
>Be English.
>Living in Northern Ireland.
>Fuck the Irish.
>New race born.
>Original Irish pissed off we killed them, raped their women and stole their land.
>No problem, we've done that all over the world.
>Years later get fucked over by Americans because they didn't wanna give us money.
>Years later the Irish thing comes back to bite us.
>Irish still pissed off and facefucking all of us all over Ireland.
>Cry like a bitch and give them back most of their land.
>Some Irish still pissed off at us.
>Bombs everywhere.
>Eventually cry again and give them back what rightfully belongs to them.
>Justice served.
> Be Norwegian
> Bang Swedish chicks

am i the dumb or... duuh
>be 16 y/o danish
>wake up
>bike to school, free
>bike home
>hate on some guy because he has a nice car
>go buy beer because legal drinking age for anything with under 5.5 vol is 16
>drink beer
>eat any kindof danish traditonal meal
>cry because i know i have to pay 55% tax when i turn 18
>emigrate to Germany

you mean to Sweden?
>be Australian
>wake up at 12 bong because colony
>smash a pie for brekky, with 50 west bix
>drink a tooheys to wash it down
>walk around separating gays
>I'm not homophobic but
>not allowed to shoot refugees out of water
>send them to other countries instead
>fucking lebs
>But I'm not racist
>waste half my life being an alcoholic
>complain that I'm not getting paid enough, even though I use 4x the number of sick days
>ride my kangaroo to the pub
>drink beer and throw my boomerang with fellow Aussies
>leer aggressively at sheilas
>stumble home, because to drunk to drive kangaroo
>argue with wife really loudly in front of kids
>pass out on the couch
>repeat until liver failure
>Be Finnish
>Drink booze all day

> Door getting kicked in
> SWAT raid my house
> Grab gun, run downstairs
> Get shot
> Die
> Muh freedoms
lol, although there are no nigs nor muslims in here.
legal drinking age for anything under 16.5 is 16. You can drink beer, wine, and those awful ga-jol shots
too real
>Be American
>The QB of the football team
>Big game, scouts going to be there
>Need to maintain a C average to be on sports teams
>C average? I play football, I'm not a moon scientist
>Can't play in the game, failing English
>How am I failing English, it's the only language I can speak!?
>Miss the game, don't get scouted to play for a College team
>Didn't count on anything but football, nothing to fall back on
>Failed my English class, don't bother redoing it
>High school drop out
>Work at Dick's Sporting Goods
>Now be 40
>Tell my kids how I could have made the NFL
>Push my oldest, Bobby, to play football
>He's small and good at school not sports
>Only losers care about school
>Never show I love him and I'm always hard on him because he doesn't like sports
>Bobby kills himself
>Never understand why
> be Rastafari Jamaican
> 421 blaze it bombaclot
> lord av' mercy!
> eryting irie hea mon
> JAH!
> Praise his majesty, the king of kings, the lion of the tribe of Judah, Haile Selassie!
>gg no re
Made me kek
clannad right?
Common core as its best
> be Roman
> wake up in shitty apartment
> make hairy sex with gf with nasty accent
> get beat up by loan sharks
> ask cousin if he wants to go bowling
>be japanese
>make suicide
>be russki
>wake up
>drink vodka to fully wake up
>grab potato and ski to school, am already late
>arrive at school
>door frozen
>climb a broken window
>keep jacket on because no heating and walls are styrofoam
>place potato on teachers desk
>get whipped 20 times for being late
>go to my desk, start squatting
>none of us have chairs, we just squat there
>"ivan can u tell me what potato contains?"
>o shit forgot to do my homework
>get whipped other 20 times for not knowing the answer
>schoolday is finally over
>outside is darker than death
>ski back home
>see bear coming towards me
>look again, is just babushka
>arrive home
>drink vodka until fall to sleep
Underrated post
>be nigerian
>look for job
>2 mins later decide theres no work
>start fining people for parking in my town
>try to fine policeman
>policeman beats me and rapes me in his wagon
>policeman sees me for my entrepreneurial skills and joins me in the car fine racket
>can finally buy bananas a plenty
Yup lol
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>Be American
>found my country on oppression of minorities
>make it nearly impossible for advancement of others outside my group
>make every law and societal structure support this system under the guise of "liberty and justice for *all"
>hate minorities
>mock Canada for being an already achieved and better version of the ideals America was supposed to be founded on

Wow that sucks
Lol what a liberal , foggot
> be finnish
> dont wake up because never went to sleep
> throw back a couple swigs of vodka
> go trout fishing
> go mushroom picking
> couple more swigs
> saatana perkele
> make fresh dinner over fire
> more swigs
> reminisce about Simo Hayha and Teemus retirement
> Look to the west and laugh at swedecucks
> be ebin
> more vodka swigs

The biggest turkish city after istanbul and another shithole i can't remember right now is berlin.
This post looks like what happens when you let negroes and women vote.

People bitch about US cops. Yet I still feel safe that this won't happen because of them.
dayum i'd like to be australian
>Be murifag
>wake up go have breakfast
>tons of fat eggs bacon and shit
>try lifting my fat ass
>finally manage to lift my fat ass
>walk out the door
>start feeling like i'm beeing hit by needles in my left arm
>pain intensefies
>oh shit
>start sweating like a pig
>it's a heart attack
>pls help
>try reaching my phone
>it's in my back pocket
>im fucked
>try screaming but to tired fuck that
>decide saving own life is too much work
>be dead
>go to hell cause fat and muricunt
>be Greek
>wake up, read the news
>Minister of Economics fucks Europe and saves Greece
>order 2 pitas with gyro to celebrate
>more money and still no work needed
>planning 3-month vacation on an island
>Wake up
>Be merican
>realize muh freedum
>Move my fat body little by little
>Reach my mums offroad truck
>go in my mum's truck to the store
>buy mt Dew and pop tarts
>go home
>Thanking muh lord i did not get shot today.
>enjoy muh freedums
>play cod
>eat muh poptart
>watch handegg on the tv
>play cod
>pop that mt dew bottle
>rip muh weed in muh bong
>get reminded of muh freedoms
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Praise the Squats
>be american
>wake up
>grab a soda and old cheeseburger from fridge
>go take a shit
>get to the computer
>shitpost threads in which i act as a masterrace american
>go to a nearest store
>niggers robbing itgo back home
>hello officer
<ITS SIR officer to you!
>ok sorry sir
<fuck you! bang! bang!
>mah freedums

tfw im dead now
All that try for shitty post.
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jake nauraa.png
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>knock over table with my morning wood
>be Scottish
>glass o whisky before I get up
>another glass
>still haven't forgotten we lost the vote
>another glass
>ach, and another one
>can't get out of bed now
>tfw not independent
>tfw England's bitch
>cry self to sleep listening to Scotland the brave
>be swedish
>wake up to ABBA
>get fired from IKEA for being unable to converse with customers
>go home and eat rotten fish
>play cs
>go to bed
Be Bosnian

> Be faggot, and homophobic
> drink bottled water and capri sun
> brainwashed by islam
> smell like cum and aftershave
> louder than volcano at ALL times
> worthless in all ways
> sand nigger
> want so badly to be white
Thread posts: 297
Thread images: 33

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