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So I'm pretty sure that my neighbor just called the cops

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 313
Thread images: 63

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So I'm pretty sure that my neighbor just called the cops on me.

I live alone in a small piss-ant town near the PA/West Virginia border. I have one neighbor. ONE. And it just so happens that she is an absolutely insane old cunt. I would tell you that she lives alone - but she doesn't. There is a literal horde of about 20 to 30 feral cats who happily reside on -both- of our properties.

Now, I don't really mind it too much. I really don't. I can deal with the disgusting cats. My only real complaint is that they sleep and piss all over my car since I only have an outside car-port. But we live in a fairly rural area - so I'm not jumping the gun here (what I really mean to say is that I enjoy watching a bald eagle kill and eat her cats).

The problem is that this bitch insists upon feeding Geese. Not like 2 or 3 Geese. This is a -big- fucking group of them. She feeds them so much that they've given up on the whole migratory bird shit. The just live on OUR properties. Geese are fucking disgusting animals. They shit -everywhere-. But that's not even the worst of it...

Geese and feral cats obviously do not mix. Any time these fucking Geese come within 50 feet of our houses, all hell breaks loose. It's like Goose on Cat world war 2. Close quarters house to house combat. These fucking things fight each other like they are cursed to walk the Earth as tormented souls until all of the opposing army is vanquished. It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is. There is always some faggot Goose/Cat getting ready to rock each other. The noise that these animals create is fucking unbelievable.

This is a problem because I work nightshift...
>>
build a fence

build a proper garage
>>
>>594955368
Stop living like a nigger and move to the city.
>>
>start feeding the geese whatever the fuck geese eat, but soaked in antifreeze
>some geese die, others smarten up and go somewhere else
>do the same with the cats

Or
>set up live stream
>stream the cat-geese fights

Or
>invite friends over
>get drunk
>make bets on which side will win

Have some imagination.
>>
So I worked all last night. Got home at 5 am. Went to open my door in the dark and suddenly heard HISSSSSSSSSS - a fucking Goose was sleeping on my porch under my lawn chairs. It came after me and started trying to bite me in the shins, so I walloped it across it's faggot head with my lunchbox and it ran off the porch making these stupid noises. (this happens to me at least 2 times a week. They are obsessed with my porch as if it's the heartland of their faggot goose empire)

Anyways, I get inside, get a shower, and go to bed. A few hours later, round about 8 AM this morning, I hear a melee break out. Have you ever heard a goose fighting a cat? It's one of the most noisy, obnoxious fucking things you can possibly imagine. They just won't stop. The cat doing that low throaty "OWWWWWWWWLLLLL" noise, the goose sticking it's big fucking stupid tongue out incessantly honking in response.

Finally I had enough. I ran outside with my boot and fucking threw it at the Goose as hard as I could. It knocked him over and he started hissing at me, sticking his retarded goose tongue out. Then it got up and started waddling away with a limp. I'm like 90% sure I fucking wrecked this thing's shit.

Anyways, my cunt neighbor happened to be watching. As most days all she does is stand in her window and brood over the war she created like some kind of capricious, vengeful god. She saw me throw the boot and was like

"OH YOU MOTHERFUCKER. YOU SON OF A BITCH. I'M CALLING THE FUCKING COPS ON YOU"

I flew her the bird (lol) and told her to go fuck herself, as I usually do. But here's the thing - if they do show up - this Goose is visibly fucked up. It's still outside my house limping around like an idiot. Aren't geese federally protected birds or some shit?
>>
>>594956069
Geese are vermin. You're safe.
>>
canadafag here, fucking hate geese. Vicsious rats with wings
>>
>>594955967
>set up live stream
>stream the cat-geese fights


i would pay real fuckin money to watch this.
>>
>>594956069
Next time go out side with a shotgun and start dumping rounds.
>>
>>594956680
He could make some money, for sure.
>>
>>594956617
>>594956617
>>594956617
>>594956617

i've been living here for 3 years now. An uncomfortably large portion of my life is governed by the problems created by these fucking geese/cats. I used to be miserable, but now my hatred keeps me going.
>>
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Geese need to die. You're doing gods work, Anon.
>>
Video record her feeding the geese. Then lace bread with arsenic. And then blame her for it
>>
>>594955368
>bald eagle kill and eat her cats
I got one hell of a patriotic boner from that.
>>
OP

OP

get a dog

I mean a really fuckin big dog

a mean big dog
>>
>>594955368
1. op you're safe, cat/goose bitch is crazy and cops wont do shit about a fuckin bird.

2. livestream cat vs geese fights now.
>>
Dear god op your style of writing is perfect. I don't think I have laughed this hard in weeks.
>>
In Michigan they'd give you a medal.
>>
>>594957066
I love you.
>>
>>594957245
Also, nice thread OP. kek
>>
Believe it or not, but her horde of cats used to be at least 3x larger. The ones still here are the escapees from last summer.

I got into a fight with this cunt because her cats kept sleeping all over my car, and pissing all over my tires. She just totally disregards that it's on my property, and that it's my vehicle. As if her cats have some kind of right to go where and do as they please.

So I got a broom and swatted her cats off my car and she got real fucking mad at me and called the cops.

The cops showed up to investigate animal abuse, and immediately noticed that there were like 60-70 cats roaming EVERYWHERE. They called the SPCA and started removing cats from her property.

She was standing outside sobbing like a child and screaming "MY BABIES".

I laughed my ass off and made direct eye contact with her and gave her the finger. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I was so fucking excited that it was like I won the lottery.

The cats who remain are the ones that ran into the woods like niggers and escaped.
>>
>>594955368
You need to be less of a faggot and assert your control over the hordes of geese and cats.They can actually be useful if you tame the fuckers.
>>
>>594956814
flap your wings as much as your want, this was a fuckin great shot.
>>
>>594955967
I like the second option. Not only would it prove OP isn't full of shit but it would be fucking awesome to watch
>>
>>594957331
So she has a history of animal abuse? Start to poison the geese.
>>
>>594955368
Take videos of cat vs goose fights
Post results on world star
Take bets on future fights
???
Profit
>>
Here's what you do

>snatch fucked up goose
>tape wings to body
>tape beak shut
>lock goose in compartment
>tell cops goose ran off somewhere
>cops won't look for goose cause there are like 300 on the property
>when cops leave kill goose
>>
Threads like this are why I still come here. OP is fucking awesome and Bald Eagle Patriot Boner Man is my new hero. I still love /b/ after all these years. Can't help it.
>>
>>594957544
Also make sure to take Vertical video and holler "world star" periodically
>>
>>594955853
Fucking this.
>>
>>594957331
OP you have a fucking civic duty to post more goose v cat stories, and maybe some pictures and videos if possible.
>>
OLD COPY PASTA
>>
>>594955368
>It's like Goose on Cat world war 2
This is some Lord of the Rings shit! You should make a movie.

>>594955967
>>set up live stream
>>stream the cat-geese fights
This anon gets it.

Great story, OP. I'm looking forward to updates. OP is not a faggot.
>>
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>>594957665

>imagining the cacophony of sounds that is; a hoard of honking geese, a screeching cat army, a crazy batshit lady yelling MUH BABIES and OP yelling WORLD STAR echoing through the backwoods
>>
>>594957564
>make goose stew
>look Dr. Doolittle in the eye while you take a big old bite of it
>>
Move to Morgantown, WV the 'big' city.
>>
There is most definitely a market for live streaming goose/cat wars
>>
>>594957918
Post proof or stfu and stop trying to ruin epic fucking bread.
>>
OP Can you take a picture of all this?
>>
>>594955368
Why dont you just help one side win
>>
>>594956069
Go outside grab it by the neck and walk it out of your yard if any geese try to attack while doing this us goose bat.
>>
An hero. It's yr only hope.
>>
OP pls record some cat vs geese fights.
>>
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>>594958328
Team Cats reporting for duty!
>>
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>>594958523

It would be sad if he tied up hte neighbor with a bunch of hungry cats in a locked rooom first
>>
>>594957245
I live in Michigan, can confirm. Killing and mutilating geese is a time honored tradition. Every fall hordes of people leave their house armed with nothing but a shotgun to defend our skies from winged invaders.
>>
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>>594955368
>they've given up on the whole migratory bird shit.
lol'd. "fuck this flying around shit, we can just stay here forever!"
>>
Time for battle of the 3 armies. The third army is you and a shotgun. Leave no survivors.
>>
>>594958044
Top Kek. OP or not, someone please deliver
>>
>>594958715

long neked geese are the one instance where katana would be awesome
>>
>>594958065

This is taking place in Point Marion PA. I've been to Morgantown many times. It's right across the border.

The goose/cat war heats up especially in summer when they've got babies. None of these cats are fixed, so they basically multiply like Zerg. I anticipate it'll only take 1-2 more breeding seasons for them to be back up around 100 strong.

Geese are cold blooded killers. I've literally seen them attack kittens and maul them to death. Sometimes the cats defend their babies, other times they take the survivors and just run for their lives.

The cats do the same thing to Goose chicks (Which makes the Geese go fucking spaghetti to the max), but they don't really maul them. They just carry the chicks off in a very direct and purposeful fashion with the intent of eating them inside crazy cat ladies shed. Her shed is basically like an altar of death. I see the cats carrying small rodents and shit in there all the time. I suppose that's where she feeds them, and thus that is where they feel safe eating.

The cats usually lose the fights. It's more the big geese protecting the little ones as the cats try to gun for the weak links. It's like some national geographic shit. Even feral cats go after the sick/injured/weak looking ones.

Geese are basically like orcs. They are barbaric fucking animal, whose society is formed by the strongest members. They even fuck each other up. I've seen the Alpha male in this group maul and kill other Geese.
>>
>>594955368
>>
stream the dream op!
>>
>>594955368
so, what does the cops have to do with any of this?

also, do this:
>set up live stream
>stream the cat-geese fights
>>594955967
>>
feed the geese rice in akla seltzer powder
>>
There is a bay window in my house overlooking the battle ground. I could definitely mount a webcam in there. I just don't know if there'd be THAT much action. Their fighting happens in short and intense bouts.
>>
thin long spring
tied compressed with cotton twine
embed in hamburger meat for cats
old eskimo trick only they used flexible whale bone
>>
bumping with archived war pics
>>
Canadafag here, fuck the geese. help the kittens win!
>>
>>594958842
Call the cops and tell them to go in the shed don't know what will happen but probably problem solved for a time.
>>
>>594959158
So instigate it. Run through enemy lines like a dopesick Panamanian to grab the geese and cat children, put them in separate cages outside the window and watch as the two armies spill blood for their offspring.
>>
>>594955368
Get a couple of big ass doogs.
>>
>>594959382
You sir are a smart man.
>>
>>594958842
>National Geographic shit
Top kek
>>
>>594956069
No, I'm like 95% sure that you're allowed to kill geese
>>
>>594955368
PA fag here,
first off I'd call the game commission.
She wants to play the game, play it right back. I'm sure they might feel a certain way about her feeding the birds. Idk, but can't hurt to call and ask if that's legal and express concern for the population which doens't migrate.

I work at a national park and we hafta do 'goose population control' on geese that have stopped migrating all the time. It's actually kind of a big deal for biologists. Causes a lot of damage.

Secondly, there are non violent ways to scare off the geese, but non of them are permanent (they'll come back a couple hours later or less). I have a quarry out back and the geese love it. I've found that a simple laser pointer scares the fuck out of em at night. I have one of those bright ass green ones that go for miles and when I shine that across the water they all freak out and leave. Also I have a neighbor that will shoot bangers and other little fireworks and the noise gets rid of em.

Not sure how much a pa hick you might be but I've cooked a couple geese and they are quite tasty in my opinion. Good luck
>>
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>>594955368
toasting in epic bread
>>
>>594959475
If you find and open window in old ladies flat while she isnt looking, go ahead and throw a goose in her flat. Hilarity ensures
>>
ITT:
trying to justify OP harming animals

Edgy
>>
>op posts a story about an epic horde of geese and cats owning each other
>not a single picture or vid or even a webm
>what
>a
>fucking
>faggot
>>
>>594957331
well, if the cops come again, just tell them (if they even ask) that she's putting on this cats vs geese war for her own entertainment by feeding both. they'll take away even more of her cats.

anyway. live stream that shit.
>>
>>594956069
>walloping a goose around the head with a lunchbox

Incredibly funny for some reason
What a thoroughly entertaining thread so far, thx OP keep the laughs coming!
>>
Since this is far western PA/West Virginia, there's some pretty wild countryside out here. A lot of forests and hills. So we have Bald Eagles who pass through the area from time to time.

My first experience (and not my last) with the Eagle was maybe 2 or 3 months after I moved in here. I was leaving my house one morning to head off to work, and as I came outside with my lunch and everything, I saw this fucking Eagle just sitting in the middle of my lawn. Just eating a dead cat like it's a breakfast omelet or some shit. The Eagle looked at me for maybe half a second. We just kind of stared at each other. And then he just kind of went back to eating. I walked through the grass so as to not disturb him.

Have any of you ever seen a bald eagle in real life? They're fucking huge. I see this crazy son of a bitch return once every few weeks. He snags a cat and just kind of eats them like he doesn't even give a fuck. Then he goes on his way.

tl;dr: the cat horde is an inexhaustible food supply for a migratory bald eagle who patrols up and down the river near my house.
>>
>>594957331
top kek
>>
I should also mention that every time I see the eagle on the hunt, or sitting in my lawn eating a cat, I have this ecstatic sense of wholesome joy. My neighbor goes fucking crazy - but she's afraid of it.

I'm like "thank you eagle please come back soon"
>>
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Fucking Epic Bread Op
>>
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>>594957000
>>
>>594956069
> be general in cat army
> serving goddess well
> some fucking goose scum stats hissing at me
> nearly defeated in single combat
> suddenly, the demon from the other side storms out from his keep
> fucks the goose up with his demon boot
> goose limps away while the demon flashes satanic hand symbols at the goddess
> goddess summons her champions of red and blue light
> flee to the alter
>>
>>594959818
GTFO my /b/ you raging fucking faggot.
>>
>>594955368

The solution is easy, you just don't have the balls to do it. Kill the geese when it's possible to get away with it and whenever you get a chance kill a cat or two. Dump the bodies somewhere that crazy bitch wont find them or somewhere somebody wouldn't stumble upon them.. If possible just burn them.
>>
>>594955368
well waterfowl season just ended 2 days ago so you can't kill the geese anymore your pretty much fucked OP, the geese may seem nasty but they taste pretty good lots of breast meat. Anyways you can still probably report her for animal hording an neighbor disturbance or some shit.
>>
>>594960014
Southeastern PA here, I saw a bald eagle kill a canada goose last year. I'm gonna check my computer -- I had pics of the bird but may not have em on this laptop, standby
>>
If anything I think your neighbor will get in trouble for having too many cats
>>
OP she was just trying to help animals in the best way she knew how, learn some empathy for a change and stop being a fucking edgy cunt. I sent this thread to the Monongalia County sheriff's department so they can see you bragging about animal abuse and framing her
>>
>>594955368
>>594956069
>>594957331
>>594960014
This shit is hysterical!
You sir know how to to tell a story.
I can practacly see this war
>>
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>>594960216
Pic related it General
>>
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>>594960014
>>
Someone screenshot this thread. This is fucking gold
>>
vote for live stream

fucking geese are like the niggers of the animal kingdom except that niggers are animals. So that there is eternal battle between niggers and geese over some chicken nuggets from a dumpster.
>>
>>594955368
thank you so much OP this is the best thread I have seen in multiple years

fuckingkek/10

i wish so much that there was a livestream of this 24/7 with email alerts for when shit hits the fan
>>
>>594960398
Lol ignorant cunt knows nothing about Biology
She and you both deserve to be axed for your stupidity
>>
>>594960216
I think we found some nee copypasta boys
>>
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>>594959863
Genius
>>
>>594955368
The solution is to film those cat/goose battles and make big bux on the internet
>>
>>
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>my name is whiskers i am cat
>my colony moved here years ago and though most of us were lost in the great purge we remain vigilant
>all was good until the enemy showed up
>it started with them circling from above, a select few noticed but no one gave it second thought
>until one day we found snowball disemboweled on the hood of some assholes car
>piss on his tires as a tribute to him, snowball would have liked that
>as we are pissing they emerge
>the horde waddles with purpose towards us
>we prepare for battle
>that battle of daves lawn
>blood everywhere guts on the grounds
>squaws meows and hissing deafens me
>I've seen things i can never forget
>the blood of my brothers covers me as i leap into the fray once more claws unfurled
>4 fiends descend upon me all at once pecking at my eyeballs
>i can no longer see and accept my death knowing that maybe someday with my sacrifice all cats may live in peace
>my final thoughts are fuck this asshole neighbor.
>>
>>594960838

>MEW
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z9NOFRppZQ

The eagle soundtrack for livestream
>>
>>594956069
>faggot goose empire
kekd
>>
>>594955368
Get a bat and start killing. Simple
>>
OP, you need to start keeping a proper record of this shit.

I mean, this is fucking hilarious, but if you want this to stop you need to build up at least a month or more of records and evidence of what's happening.

You should contact local wildlife control and report this woman for feeding the wild population; Where I live it's not necessarily illegal, but at the scale you're describing it's probably deleterious to the animals involved.

Additionally, you should start killing the geese that come up to the entrance to your property, especially if they start behaving in a threatening manner towards you. Learn to butcher them, they're good eating, or sell them to a local butcher.

Shit, get a shotgun or like a .22 and start culling them and selling them to the local butchers if they'll buy them, fix the problem and get a bit of extra money. Depending on the scale, it might even pay for itself.
>>
>>594957245
Hell yeah!
>>
>>594957331
> be last summer
> still be general
> the war with the geese has led us to seek shelter near the demon's keep on the other side
> demon appears with war staff
> banishes troops from his domain
> goddess takes pity and summons the champions of red and blue light
> champions begin to capture cat forces
> goddess weeps for our lost brethren
> demon laughs and raises hand symbols again
> remaining cats flee to regroup in the great forrest
>>
>>594959818
They are going to kills themselves till last goose/cat standing anyway? Why not make some cheese off their epic fights, Maybe one day they will join forces and turn on Crazy Cat lady?? I say Let
>>
>>594956814
Fucking kek
>>
>>594960833
>gr8 b8 m8
>>
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>>594960014
>>
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>>594960251
>>594960555
so edgy
>>
>>594956814
I'm not saying I dig watching animals get rekt, but the more and more I watch this the more I roar a mighty kek
>>
What I find fascinating is that these Geese are only here because she feds them. Really I am just like a third party. I'm a latecomer, into the 20th chapter of an already unfolding story.

This dumb bitch is literally both the initial cause, and the driving force behind the ongoing violence. She's absolutely insane - so she fucking has like hysterical episodes any time one of her favorite cats dies (she elects "favorites" quite often). And yet it only happens because she is causing both the cats and geese to live on top of each other. It's absolutely retarded.

Another funny thing is that our properties are both COMPLETELY. COVERED. IN. SHIT. She's old and doesn't get around very well. I've actually seen her slip in mud and goose shit and then stomp off into her house cursing and being all bitchy.

I watch her quietly from my house on such occasions and laugh at her.
>>
> cat forces still trying to regain numbers after previous summer
> the offspring have been training diligently
> out of nowhere a goose strike team advances toward the young
> the geese tear apart our reinforcements
> forced to retreat to the alter where we sacrifice the young geese
>>
>>594961833
you are a fucking hero

figure out how to stream all this and come back

im cappin the thread when its done and the highlights will be floatin around
>>
>>594959759
This please
>>
>>594961833
Next time she slip run outside and laugh historically and tell her if she wasn't so stupid she wouldn't be covered in shit.
>>
please! please stream!
>>
>>594955368
Tip the scales, outfit the cats with better gear.
>>
>>594960216
Kek'd uncontrollably
>>
>>594962117
nah op needs to support the geese in order to undermine his shitty neighbor as much as possible, she cares much more for the cats.
>>
My mum owns two cats, two dogs and two geese. They get on great, but they consider ANY living thing that enters the property an immediate threat. I've seen one of her cats (a fucking big black Norwegian Forest cat) chase some inferior neighborhood Shorthair into the Goosedom. They were taking turns nesting, and they went fucking apeshit and cornered it in the shed, but it got past them and bolted. Hand raised geese are spectacular staunch cunts
>>
>>594955967
I want to watch this. Add some battle music and aswell.
>>
>>594960398

Fucking faggot. Go back to sucking dick.
>>
>>594961955
yes thanks for the cap, saves me from doing it.
This thread is gold
>>
>>594959461
This
Another faction has joined the war
>>
>>594957189
Underrated post
>>
>>594960398
Hoarding is animal abuse too anon. In fact it's a worse offense than merely battering up a common wild animal.
>>
>>594960398
How stupid are you?
>>
>>594962241

The funny thing is that the cats really don't care for her. She interacts with each of them for maybe a total of 20 minutes across their entire lives before they get mauled to death by geese or eagles.

So she walks around outside talking to these cats going "Hello my babies. How are you today? You are such a pretty little baby" - meanwhile the cats have established a 20 foot buffer zone around her, which they maintain any time she walks closer. They remain close to her, but they fear her.

I remember last summer I was out mowing my lawn, which is itself a horrible experience from all the goose/cat shit everywhere, and I had my shed door open. After I finished and closed everything up, I went inside.

When I came back, I saw her walking around all over my back yard. I ran outside and asked her what the fuck she's doing. She immediately pointed at me and was like "YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. I SAW YOU YOU BASTARD. YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT"

long story short - one of her faggot cats walked into my shed and I unwittingly locked it inside. I could hear it inside my shed crying like an idiot. Somehow cunty mctwat's cat peril radar went off and she came over to rescue it.

I let it out and it went running back over to her house set to the cacophony of geese going fucking spaghetti that there's a cat within 80 feet of them.

I swear to god. This shit happens to me on a daily basis.
>>
>>594960154
Please Goosecat-chan, update us regularly
>>
Please op if. You could put little traps for the cats that get in your property and then go to a local pound where you could say that a feral cat pack is getting fed by a mentally ill woman and that the cats damaged your property in such ways that you don`t want those animals around.
>>
>>594955368
Get a baby Gator or an alligator turtle. Problems solved.
>>
>>594962986
sabotage the cats op, upheaval is the only way to end this, hell your interference can mean better lives for both sides! END THIS POINTLESS WAR OP! You have the power to do so!
>>
>>594955368
OP use a shitgun on the geese and cats. Stream results pls.
>>
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>>594962986
Oh god, OP. Tell us more
>>
>>594963373
> shitgun
> nigga wut
>>
>>594963066
It's not cat trapping session he would get hit with a huge fine for animal cruelty and endangerment.
>>
>>594961833
I live in washington anon. I must see this war! Oh il bring a .22 if you want.
>>
>>594959158
Drop some bread or meat in view of cam
>>
>>594962986
The easiest solution is to poison them. Go buy some large quantity of antifreeze. Then go get a bag of cat goad and a few loaves of bread. Soak all of it in antifreeze and then put it out in the forest or in in your back yard somewhere where she can't see it. The flying car alarms and the furry rats will eat the shit up because, if you didn't know, antifreeze tastes sweet. I live in Alabama and on our deer land we use it to poison the coyotes and feral dogs that roam.
>>
>>594963437
Pack Shit into shotgun shells and you have your self a shitgun.
>>
Kill one of the geese and prepare a nice cooked goose. Then walk over to your neighbors house and apologize for everything you have done snd want to make it up to her. Then give her the cooked goose and watch her face when she sees it
>>
This thread is golden thank you OP. Please livestream
>>
>>594963699
Lel.
>>
I'm not sure why you haven't bought a cheap BB gun and started taking pot shots at the little cunts, goose and cat alike.

It should not really enter the skin [spoiler] unless you aim for the brown star or eyeball[/spoiler] or fatally wound the creature but cause just enough pain to make it move off your property or stoke the flames of war between the two empires and provoke another Somme.
>>
>>594955967
OP, FUCKING DO THIS. YOU'D BE LIVING LIKE A JEW HERE!!! (in other words, you'd be making the best out of a bad situation and making some money at the same time)
>>
thread has been archived here boys and girls.

For the glory of the great cat goose wars!

https://4archive.org/b/thread/594955368#p594955368
>>
>>594957333
Oh shit. It's the trips master goosetacat whisperer!
>>
>>594963427

The geese actually complicate my life a lot in regards to my ability to receive mail. Like I said before - there are at least two very large aggressive alpha male geese who live on our properties. I have seem many occasions in which they are sitting in front of my house - DIRECTLY in front of the stairs to get onto my porch. The mail man obviously has to pass them to get to my box.

The geese freak the fuck out as if they are being attacked and marshal themselves into a giant honking unruly horde. All with their stupid mouths agape with their tongues hanging out. Hissing and shit.

I can see the mail man like "fuck this". He just stands there looking at them as they slowly inch towards him. He usually has to walk around the side of my porch and crawl over the hand-railing to get to my mailbox.

The geese, for reasons unknown to me, regard my porch steps as their ancestral homelands - and they are prepared to die in defense of it.

They do that to me. But I'm usually prepared to just battle-flail my way through them with a lunchbox and whatever else I may be holding.
>>
>>594964534
Too soon. Please again later.
>>
>>594960838
kek
>>
>>594964730
The geese are on your side op, they are defending you from the cat horde, your porch is their home because they know the cats reside next door, embrace them and let their presence empower you become... THE GOOSEMAN.
>>
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anybody else got a sandman flashback from this thread?
>>
http://strawpoll.me/3500715
>>
>>594964730

>The legends tell of the cruel weapon of the Demon. The Great Battle Flail of L'unch. The Demon Lord is rarely seen without his mighty weapon, and woe follows in its wake.

Crafted across the sea by sinister slant-eyed goblins, it bears curses and runes of power foretelling the end of all things.

Where the Demon roams, the Box of L'unch follows.
>>
>>594964987
Just keep entering the thread in the url on the front page it will auto update...

Someone else will have to keep doing this I have to go to work
>>
>>594965129
>i have a dream
>>
>>594965235
>box of L'unch
>>
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>>594955368
Get a cattle prod to defend yourself when you leave your house. Eventually the geese will learn.
>>
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>>594965235
>>
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>>594965235
>Crafted across the sea by sinister slant-eyed goblins
>>
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>>594965451
And the old woman next door. Prod her with this every time she comes to yell at you for prodding the geese.
>>
>>594956069
>So I worked all last night. Got home at 5 am. Went to open my door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walks the dinosaur

This is how it should have ended.
>>
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Don't worry OP, the raccoons are coming at your rescue.
>>
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>>594966068
>>
>>594956390
lel
>>
>>594966068
those are skunks
>>
>>594966014
yeah and on the end of a coat hanger in your mothers womb is how you should have ended.
>>
>>594966068
Those aren't raccoon's ya dip!

Also OP, great story, you should really get a slingshot from like walmart and a shit ton of metal balls and just start shooting both sides, aim for the eyes, if they go blind they'll be much more vulnerable.
>>
>>594966068
Um... Anon? Those aren't racoons.
>>
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>>594966068
>Raccoons
>>
>>594966068
real cat or statue on the right?
>>
>>594966068
Those are badgers, and that's photoshopped, and you're an idiot
>>
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>>594965177
Cats need to rally!
>>
THIS. THREAD. NEEDS. TO. BE. ARCHIVED.
>>
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Old pic. But this is how my lawn looks most days. Just geese fucking everywhere

Gonna take a few more when the niggers come back up from the river to do some homewrecking.
>>
>complaining about geese
>complaining about free food living on your lawn

Have you niggers never eaten a goose before? Shit is delicious.
>>
>>594966249

>apostrophe in a plural form
Stop that shit
>>
>>594966068
those are skunks, you dumbfuck.
>>
>>594966516
the perfect battle arena
>>
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And here's my car port. A lot of blood has been shed here.
>>
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>>594966178
>>594966620
>>
>>594966178
Those are badgers. Kek
>>
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>>594966516
>>
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Another random old pic of Geese I have laying around.

I'm gonna take some more when there's more cat/goose activity outside.
>>
>>594956720
This. Things run when you discharge a scatter gun in the air
>>
>>594960154
OPTION1
>keep alerting every possible agency of concern (ASPCA / Wildlife / Fish & Game / whoever you can find) of her antics until they condemn her shit-filled residence unfit for occupancy.
>house gets torn down
>winrar
OPTION2 (parody)
>kill eagle (federal crime)
>blame neighbor - she said it was killing her "babies"
>winrar
>>
>>594966740
Anon
Please
Get yourself a good camera and set up that recording
People even pay money to see animals fighting
>>
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>>594966954
COMPLETELY AGREED.

Hey, OP, you should post some more stories. Keep 'em coming. These are just. too. fucking. awesome.
>>
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>>594966068
>fags getting baited
>>
>>594966496
THIS. THREAD. ALREADY. IS. DICKBAG.
>>
>>594955368

depending on your gun laws you might be able to shoot them under "pest control."

Even her cats, because it's probably illegal for her to own that many, like anything over ten and the rest can be considered feral.

Seriously, fucking shoot them all with a 22.
>>
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>>594967139
Actually I thought it was called raccoons. I'm not a native english speaker. You can check that the filename was the right animal.
>>
>>594967180
Oh. Okay. Thank for letting me know. Newfag here; how can you tell?
>>
>>594957331
THIS IS FUCKING GREAT
SCREENCAPPING
>>
MOAR OP!
>>
Alright OP, I think I can help. I battled geese for about three years before I got them controlled... tried bottle rockets, dog, chasing them with RC cars. Those fuckers are relentless, and you're not allowed to kill them. One of these miserable creatures can put 5-8lbs of shit through its body a day, and they don't give a fuck about where they drop it.

Happy to share if you're interested.
>>
What OP needs to do is kill the strongest of the geese and allow the cats to over run the geese and then once they have won that battle for him call animal control on them all
>>
>>594960014
Learn to do an eagle call. Its pretty easy and they respond well. Just whistle and cut your breath into short spurts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlq2kcYQcLc

We used to call them and then throw the fish guts in the water and watch them swoop down and grab it.

You could be summoning eagles to kill your neighbors cats
>>
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>>594962986
Here's a solution for you OP.

Get a dog.

Preferably a border collie that has a leash that runs to the end of your property. Border Collie's can run all day with no signs of quitting.

Bring the war back to McCunty's house.
>>
>>594966447
Welcome.
>>
>>594967457
french who skipped english class ?
>>
>>594956069
Get your firearms license and a hunting license, get a goose tag and you're good to go. You live out in the country plus it's your property. She'll lose her shit but cops should have your side if you're just hunting
>>
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nice pasta op.

but if it's not:

get a vicious dog.

play eagle sounds and feed the vermin nearby. they will loose protective instinct.

feed her cats with better food than her for a while. they will regards your house as eating place, making her house the latrine.

buy a ferret. never feeds it.

so many options op. you're clearly a pasta fagot.
>>
>>594964730
>there are at least two very large aggressive alpha male geese who live on our properties
>kill alpha geese
>become revered alpha goose
>unlimited goose poontang
>OP is winrar
>>
>>594967561
Someone already posted the archive link
>>
Pics of the warzone op
>>
>>594957189
This is actually a good idea
>>
>>594968099
Oh, okay. Thank you...and thanks for calling me out on my stupidity.
>>
>>594960398
and the best way she knew how is damaging to both cats, goose, environment and property...

and you are a huge faggot
>>
>>594967893
Do this OP
>>
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>>594968002
A lot of french people are bad in other languages. I don't know why.
>>
>>594968054
OP this is basically all you can hope to do
>>
>>594967922
This.
>>
>>594956069
Blame the injured bird on the cat and claim you threw the shoe to stop the fight...
>>
>>594968054
That reminds me of the Bob's Burger's show where Linda becomes the Alpa goose or some shit
>>
>>594963606
cats naturaly hate sweet taste
>>
>>594967789

Well another funny thing... I live on a really long street with only 3 or 4 houses on the entire thing. One time I saw a lady jogging down our street with a german shepard. Anyways, she started going past our houses and the dog noticed the cats and started barking at them - and the barking alerted the geese. They all came running out from behind my house honking. A trifecta of animal rage formed in which the cats were going nuts fucking running for high ground, the geese were forming into a battle phalanx, and this dog was going bananas trying to get free to go on a killing spree. It took this lady like 10 minutes to wrastle her dog back down the street far enough to break it's fixation.

The old lady came outside and was yelling at her telling her to take her big aggressive dog away, and that she needs to control it better. The irony was so intense it probably caused a miraculous virgin birth on the other side of the planet somewhere.
>>
>>594968367
>throw a shoe
>to stop a fight

You dumb fucking cuck
>>
>>594967790
Share
>>
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>>594968198
Oh, you like being called name, don't you ? You'll like it here. Lot of sissy threads for you to post in.
>>
>>594955853
You're a fucken retard. Niggers are in the city. You're probably a nigger.
>>
Holy shit kek OP, keep this thread alive
>>
>>594955368
post video
>>
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>>594968560
>>
>>594968560
Fake OP is Fake OP
>>
>>594968314
Languages are not teached properly in France but i like to think that i've learned more by watching movies in original version with english subs
>>
>>594968560
TOPKEK
>>
>>594968695
No, I just appreciate people calling me out on my stupidity.
>>
>>594968982
faggot is faggot
>>
>>594966183
kek
>>
>>594956069
lol dude cops wont give a shit. Just make sure that when they come there is a huge population of them on YOUR property. Write a complaint about how she "baits" migratory bird. She will get a fine from the DNR unless baiting is legal in your state.
>>
bump. Don't let this die out.
>>
>>594969717
OP has abandoned
>>
Bumping for more pics
>>
Most entertaining thread in fucking months op was not a faggot this day.
>>
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im waiting for cat general...
Op , why have you abandoned us
>>
Alright, here's what you do... get yourself a ParMak solar electric fence charger, aluminum wire (steel wire rusts and looks shitty), a grounding rod/clamps, and push in fence posts ($1.50 each - they are small and made for temporary electric fence applications). You can get everything at Tractor Supply except the ParMak transformer. Don't buy a Zareba, they are horse shit.

Find a sunny spot for the transformer and mount it/ground it. Put your wire posts along the perimeter you want to keep the geese off of, then string the wire on the lower (about 4" off the ground) and upper (about 14" off the ground) wire guides on the post.

Turn on your transformer after its charged a day, test the zap along the wire line (buy a tester or use the back of your hand), and those fuckers won't bother you again. They will go everywhere else the fence isn't, but they won't cross it.

It works two ways... one is they don't like to cross the fence because of the silver wire. Second, they don't like the shock when they rub against it.

They are small brained, but smart enough to avoid it and learn to stay away. I battled them on 5 acres and a pond for years before resorting to this, and this is the only thing that worked.

Occasionally a stray would get over the fence somehow... usually from the wire touching too much brush or grass and absorbing the shock. But I went from 50 or so all over my property to zero just about overnight.
>>
OP wouldn't it be fun to just occasionally sew the seeds of discourse between the cats and geese? Like, put cat treats near the geeses sleeping places, or leave some dead goose chicks near popular cat hangouts. Soon the fights will become more intense and you'll have good streaming material, or it'll attract law enforcements attention and the lady will have her cats taken away.
>>
>>594970190
this sounds like a good idea OP, the cats will probably figure out a way around it because they are sneaky little fuckers, but at least one of the problems solved, and probably reduce cats on your property too
>>
Where u at? I'm at wheeling .
>>
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>>594960216
>>
>>594955368
>This is a -big- fucking group of them.

It's called a gaggle, fool.
>>
>>594964730

he geese, for reasons unknown to me, regard my porch steps as their ancestral homelands - and they are prepared to die in defense of it.


At this point i dont even care if it's true.
>>
>>594960216
9.8/10
>>
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>>594960838
>>
>>594971129
same, OP tells a good story
>>
>>594960610
But niggers are animals
>>
Best thread I've seen in a good while
>>
A couple weeks after I moved in here, myself and my girlfriend at the time thought the Geese were kind of cool. We were like stupid suburban people going "Aww look at the geese". That was back before I understood the true depths of their cruelty and barbarism. Do you want to know what Geese are really like? Fucking play shadow of mordor. The way the orcs rape and kill each other for status is basically a word for word account of how Geese jockey for status within their groups.

I had my door propped open one time while I was carrying a shitload of groceries into my house, and as I was standing in my living room talking on the phone, a fucking goose poked it's head into my door and started hissing at me. It tried coming in like it was claiming the place.

I grabbed a pillow off my couch and whipped it at the fucker as hard as I could, and it immediately turned around and just went waddle-running off into my lawn back to the group. They have very little fear of people, and they will come jack your shit if you're not vigilant.

Like I said. Most of them live/sit ON my porch mere feet away from my door.
>>
>>594966462
Cats be praised
>>
get a fence.
Fag
Problem solved
Also thx for stories
>>
>>594972136
The order of the feather shall prevail

The clawed ones will fall
>>
Today, OP was not a fag. When this 404's come back to us with up to date pics OP.
>>
To all the people who are telling me to get dogs and make permenant modifications to my place - it's not my house. I'm renting.

It's just that my landlord is a slum lord. He's like part time landowner, full time heroine/meth dealer.

The best I can do is just try to scare them away.
>>
>>594966068
Those are fucking Honey Badgers
>>
>>594966068
those are tasmanian devils
>>
>>594959818

II love cats, but fuck this lady. She's harming the animals more that killing them ever will.
>>
>>594972505
lol are you retarded. just do what I said.
>>594969226
To add on more. Tell the police that she baits the geese so that "her" cats can catch the geese when they come for the food. She will go to jail/written a fine and you'll go on your merry way.
>>
Why the fuck arent you eating these fucking geese? Or cats?
>>
>>594958842
>Geese are basically like orcs.

Yes, but the main difference between geese and orcs is that goose is really good eating, and orc is not.

Goose fat is best fat.
>>
>>594972505
You know those pop rocks you throw on the ground and pop?
Stock up on those

You know how at weddings they throw flower petals before the bride?
Whenever you walk your girlfriend to the car, throw those before her.

Or just throw them at any cat/goose that is within throwing distance while sittin' on the porch when you get off of work in the morning
>>
>>594972925
The cats are probably diseased or something
>>
>>594972505
-buy meth
-feed animals meth
- ???
-profit
>>
>>594972853
Fool. Obviously grizzly bears.
>>
>>594972125
>goose poked it's head into my door and started hissing at me
>castle law
>murder that mofo, OP.
>self defense
>>
>>594972125
>Loud
>Annoying
>To lazy to find their own food so they mooch off of someone else.
>They have very little fear of people, and they will come jack your shit if you're not vigilant.

So they're like the niggers of the animal kingdom?
>>
>>594973278
>implying he lives in florida
>>
This is the best thread in a long, long, long, LONG time.
>>
The electric fence is completely temporary. It can be broken down in a matter of minutes. Your meth head landlord won't care.
>>
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posting in epic bread. Death to the Geese!
>>
>>594973241
More like suicide.

Ever see the Simpsons 'Tomaco' episode?

Although, if that were to be livestreamed...
>>
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>>594973412

I really, really, really, like this thread.
>>
>>594973412
Too bad it's based off stalepasta.
>>
can you record some goose vs cat fights before you go to jail for animal cruelty?
>>
>>594973677
too bad people like to talk out of there ass huh?
>>
>>594973885
Kk
>>
>>594973723
Lol national geographic would be in jail don't cha think?
>>
>>594973677
Have you actually ever seen this posted before now?
>>
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>mfw this thread
>>
>>594974055
Once before. Trying to find evidence now
>>
>>594974055
He's just jelly
>>
>>594973408
>>
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Here you go guys
>>
>>594973241
holy shit this guy is on to something.

put some weed in the food or some shit, or just start making them high.

additionally, if you decide to be on team geese, this might be a hard thing to do, but i suggest you get some catnip, and put it in really small but sturdy bags, and then catch the geese, and put the catnip bag around their neck, tied with a string.

try first without catnip, to see if it hold, so you dont get it for nothing

inb4 there is some rule about catnip and it being essentially cat drugs
>>
>Get some buddies together
>Get some make shift armor and weapons
>Wait for the next big cat/geese fight
>Charge in screaming
>>
>>594974412
You're fucken 12yo. Weed does not activate that way. And even if it ever did, why the fuck waste money on drugs for a pest problem?
>>
>>594974225
>really
>don't
>care
>>
You live in wheeling dont you
>>
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>>594974341
>>
>>594974598
because getting the animals high/drugged could be fun.
altough i dont know how it works for animals. and i admit that it did sound retarded that they would get high that way, but my point is- drug them.
>>
>>594966319
Puurtty sure thats a cat.
>>
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>>594974341
yes
>>
>>594974341
Thank you!
I can't screencap or anything like that and have been copying it and pasting all of OP's story.
Saved the archive link but want the highlights in their entirety.

I kept trying to keep all of Op's comments in order for others.
>>594966260
>>594960447

Hope muh owl helped
>>
>>594974804
I dunno if geese could get high off cannabis anyway.

But I love the idea of a 3 day non-stop war between animals that are tweaked out and paranoid.
>>
File: he.gif (2MB, 350x350px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
he.gif
2MB, 350x350px
>>594965235
>>
>>594974804
Fun would have been to give cats alcohol(cheaper) and put cat nip near the bitch's door of course hidden. Cats will go try to find the cat nip drunk and the old bitch will be so scared she will never touch a cat again.
>>
>>594974341
Nice, i was thinking of doing it myself but no time, saved
>>
File: more.jpg (16KB, 258x195px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>594955368
My god OP, keep 'em coming. You're the reason I keep coming back to this cesspool.
>>
Go out at night with a .22, and shoot the fuckers.
Seriously.
>>
Why don't you just let loose on those Fascist Geese with a multi-barrel grenade launcher?
>>
>>594974917
In other words
>>594974341
The highlights are now saved in one epic pic for future generations to enjoy.

Thank you
>>
>>594960555

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS I Fucking hate cats
they pissing everywhere, shit out the box, are disrespectfull to human, KILL THEM ALLL
>>
>>594975027
>>594975160

i think we are getting somewhere now...

so i think a fun thing to do would be to tie a ball of catnip to a string, and then just slooowly pull the string so that the cats follow it, but the plot twist is that it leads directly to the geese territory, but they are all drugged and high on catnip that they dont know what to do.
>>
Put a nail bomb in a bucked of Goose feed.
>>
It's illegal to feed stray animals. Call the cops on her. Repeatedly. Over and over again. Call animal control. Easy. /thread
>>
>>594972125
Sound exactly like niggers
>>
File: CatVSGeesePoll.png (508KB, 1124x508px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
CatVSGeesePoll.png
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>>594974341
>inaccurately representing the superior geese
What a fag
>>
Bump limit hit, gonna be sliding off page 10 anytime now.

Can't believe the geese are ahead.
>>
File: Capture.png (11KB, 319x77px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Capture.png
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>>594975476
OP, upload a video on youtube some day and entitle it cat vs goose war or something easy to find like that.

You friend,
anon

Captcha wants the geese to win.
>>
File: 1410108639113.jpg (400KB, 800x2420px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>594961833
Oh, like one anon said get a hunting licence. Use the geese to your advantage and kill them for food. Now you save money on food, and you eat like a king. Plus streaming the fights will have people all over the Internet pay you.

So now you got food, and a decent amount of cash.
>>
>>594976230
I'm neither him or OP bit I must say, I am torn between the geese/cat wars.
I love cats but the geese seem to be something OP can capitolize on.
OP should become the King of Geese!
>>
So is that shitgun a go?
Thread posts: 313
Thread images: 63


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