/b/ I pushed away my girlfriend and caused her to leave me in the worst way possible. I had everything I wanted with her and destroyed it. She won't be coming back. It took me 25+ years to find someone hot as fuck like her to be with me and I fucked it up. There is no turning back. I ruined my life by having her leave me. I'm too fucking socially awkward to find anyone else as hot as her again.
It has been months and I've suffered an intolerable pain. The only time I don't feel anything is when I sleep.
I had dreams, goals, ambitions, and aspirations. I have what it takes to achieve those things, but what life is worth living alone?
Worse, what life is worth living when I had what I wanted but I fucked it up? I mean *I* fucked it up. I can't stress that. I didn't cheat, etc., just I fucked it up being autistic. Yes, laugh, whatever, but I fucked it up. I worked for FUCKING YEARS to find someone like her and YET I FUCKED IT UP!
I am trying to find reasons to keep pushing on. Can someone help me?
I find it hard enough to live day to day with the guilt knowing I fucked it up & worse I won't ever get another chance like her again.
>>594094756 I have a high paying job. One most would kill for. Money no longer means anything to me.
>>594095036 What happened in your situation? She was a virgin. I was surprised, she was a 20+ year old virgin and I took it. She could have easily lost it multiple times but she chose to 'save it for the right guy'. That 'right guy' was me but I pushed her away from me enough to make her leave me. She won't be coming back.
>>594095137 I will have to go through old screen shots etc. Currently being distracted by chaturbate, watching a couple having sex and reminiscing to a time I will never get back again.
>>594095256 I grew up in a conservative household. I had negative views towards sex (which have since changed). I fucked her and took her virginity before the relationship and changed my views on sex after it (that it was bad, I had guilt etc.). It was a really fucked up thing to do and that's why I feel like I fucked it up so much it's no longer worth putting myself through that sort of pain any longer. I would fuck her every day if I still had the chance. I changed my views on sex.
I don't know why it's worth putting myself through this pain anymore.
>>594095507 It just didn't work. Soulmates but toxic chaos u know? If u wanna talk about her ill pin the thread but man i dunno if I can find better, but its always possible to train a chick and up ur game n confidence n u can get whoever u want....even her back believe me.
Have some faith. If it happened recently then it will feel like it sucks, naturally. But is that all there is to your resolve?
Go create and find whatever the fuck you want. Plenty of fish in the sea. Who cares if they're not as hot. Maybe you'll find someone hotter. Maybe as you mature further you will find that you care more about looks.
Savor the detours and back alleys in life. Because it is in them that you will find things more important than what you want.
>>594093717 the only positive thing you said about her is she's hot.
in real life that means precisely dick. is she cool? is she worth anything or good at anything useful? are you? do you deserve anything good? from your description of something thats making you so sad id guess no, you dont.
>>594095740 Please do talk about your pains and what you are going through. It helps me. I know I won't find better than her. I mean, I'm on 4chan for fucks sakes and this where I reside. She was the hottest girl I've ever been with and I won't find another like her.
>>594095769 Thanks this gives me a slight glimmer of hope. Something I haven't felt in 60+ days.
>>594096025 Dude, I have faith in us and i doubt mercilessly everything. But we can do it man women aren't goddesses yeah they may be the only one like said one, but there are a billion variations that we can get into.
>>594095992 I know this is true. But I am not the kind of person that can easily go to a bar, find some chick and fuck her. I have to wok very hard to get a date from online dating and then it usually fucking ends after the first date. I went through something like 17 failed first dates before I found her.
>>594095941 She was a cunt to me because of how I acted. If she were a landwhale I would have never put up with her shit. She wanted to be with me and I wnated to be with her but I fucked it up.
I have A LOT going for me. I have a high paying job, I am quite intelligent, I have a chance to go to an ivy league school for grad studies (not making this shit up), etc. I mean.. I have a good life. I just feel like shit.
>>594095735 The torment you're feeling is well deserved. Just keep it with you, sooner or later you'll no longer feel pain from it. That's redemption. The point when your consciousness doesn't cause pain to you, is when you are done with your punishment.
Maybe this will teach you not to be a fuckhead religion-oriented person. Bad acts are ti be punished so they won't prevail. This punishment is to you from yourself. Just listen to yourself next time and not what a fucking religion tells you.
>>594093717 I feel you bro. just like you, the autistic side of me fucked me and my gfs relationship up. Been single or 2 weeks now. and Im having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel also. Im pretty sure I wont find a good girl as her. She had visions, was driven, and had a body to die for. So yes, I feel you.
>>594097439 I fucked it up. I know. I reached out to her to 'catch up' and grab drinks. She said it'd be great to then whenever I tried to set up a time to meet (it's probably been 3 attempts) she says something like how she wishes she could but so and so day won't work, can we do another weekend? Then when I tried another day she said the same thing. When I asked her what day works for her she went radio silent on me.
Is there anything I can fucking do to get her back? Maybe send her a more serious text message about how I changed?
>>594097540 Okay you never start a relationship with bar/club bitches. They are as bad as sorority hos. Just looking to get dick, if you can talk and keep the drinks flowing. Go talk to some girls, just walk up and ask for a number. You'll get shot down a lot probably but eventually someone will say yes. Take the number tell her you'll call later. Easy as that. And don't stop with one number. Pro tip. Walk a dog.
>>594097700 I feel your pain. How did you two meet? How did you fuck up yours? I'm severely autistic, I won't find better. I can't comprehend how someone as attractive as her got with someone so autistic.
>>594097725 What happened with your story? I was trying to follow your other thread by got distracted from feeling so shitty.
>>594093717 Sounds like you might be manic depressive. (Bi-polar) Just like "antisocial" people have misconceptions of what that means.
You have one side of hyper accuity and motivation, and another that destroys all that and recoils away from the world.
Check out some documentaries, hopefully some therapy if that's in your budget. ...even if you dont find yourself in a good position that cannfix it, finding and understanding to your quirks can helps you at least manage the fall out.
um, OP, you say you went through 17 online dates before you found her. and that she was "hot".
can I point out, you appear to not care who you are with, just as long as they look good. i.e. if anybody a 8/10 or above accepted you, you'd just roll with it.
no way to happiness man. if you went out to meet girls from online dating (or wherever) with the view that you were looking to meet somebody you actually, y'know, got on with; you might find things change for the better.
>>594097919 At this point in my life I'd much rather meet someone willing to settle and not a one night fuck. Where do I meet these women at?
I've tried independently owned coffee shops (near a uni) but everyone in their own rustle and bustle of their own lives. I don't know how to randomly interrupt some girl and talk.
Usually at bars one of several situations plays out:
1) Girls with a group of mixed friends (mix of girls/guys). 2) Girls with a group of girls (1 or more) 3) Girl by herself (rare) 4) Same situations as 1-3 but the bar is not very populated and these 1-3 situations are where they are sitting at a table with a group 5) Same as 5, but it s a mixture of a bar/place that serves food and doesn't give off a vibe as a regular bar to meet people.
Also, random note. I'm feeling worse. My GF wanted to 69 with me and I'm sitting here watching some couple do exactly that on chaturbate. I'll probably never get that chance again.
>>594098196 >Sounds like you might be manic depressive. (Bi-polar)
I think this accurately describes me but I never considered myself bi-polar.I have phases where I'm hyper-productive and get a lot accomplished and feel quite good about myself. This may last a few days, then it is always followed by periods of where I feel like complete shit and I feel like nothing in this world is worth it any longer.
>>594098932 At this point I'd rather feel more pleasure than pain and I feel mostly pain in my day-to-day life. I don't know how to change it. I just exist, I'm here, yet I feel like life has no purpose (other than reproduction) and I lost the rights to do that I guess? I fucked up that badly I feel.
>>594098047 >I feel your pain. How did you two meet? How did you fuck up yours? I'm severely autistic, I won't find better. I can't comprehend how someone as attractive as her got with someone so autistic."
>be me, 23 >working as a clothes-saleman in small town >Girl comes rushing in asking if I was single >hellyea.gif >later meet up with her. >Feels like we've known eachother for years. >life is great >do all the relationship things >be me. starting to doubt her for no reason >builds up to a jeleous thing >escalates for NO reason, she never did anything bad to me >she ends it. cos I cant trust her due to previous relationship. >fuck.me.jpg
In July 1968 four pairs of mice were introduced into the Utopian universe. The universe was a 9-foot (2.7 m) square metal pen with 54-inch-high (1.4 m) sides. Each side had four groups of four vertical, wire mesh “tunnels.” The “tunnels” gave access to nesting boxes, food hoppers, and water dispensers. There was no shortage of food or water or nesting material. There were no predators. The only adversity was the limit on space.
Initially the population grew rapidly, doubling every 55 days. The population reached 620 by day 315, after which the population growth dropped markedly. The last surviving birth was on day 600. This period between day 315 and day 600 saw a breakdown in social structure and in normal social behavior. Among the aberrations in behavior were the following: expulsion of young before weaning was complete, wounding of young, inability of dominant males to maintain the defense of their territory and females, aggressive behavior of females, passivity of non-dominant males with increased attacks on each other which were not defended against. After day 600, the social breakdown continued and the population declined toward extinction. During this period females ceased to reproduce. Their male counterparts withdrew completely, never engaging in courtship or fighting. They ate, drank, slept, and groomed themselves – all solitary pursuits. Sleek, healthy coats and an absence of scars characterized these males. They were dubbed “the beautiful ones.”
The conclusions drawn from this experiment were that when all available space is taken and all social roles filled, competition and the stresses experienced by the individuals will result in a total breakdown in complex social behaviors, ultimately resulting in the demise of the population.
>>594099240 How are you dealing with it? Did you have any sort of contact with her after the relationship? You sound exactly like me. I feel like sometimes we get one chance in life, only one, (regardless if you are ready for it or not) and if you fuck it up then that is it. It's clear we both fucked ours up.
>>594099517 You're completely right about them coming and going. I just fought so hard to get a woman in my life, that when I finally found one I fucked it up completely. I told her basically 'no i won't have sex with you, no you arent attractive, no i dont want to be with you' and she left. I'd do anything, anything, anything to get back with her. I don't know how or what to do. I've been alone for so long in my life that I no longer want to be. I don't want to be celibate, but thats basically what I told my ex and I lost everything I had. I would do anything to have her back and fuck her again.
>>594099553 >manage to keep cool for 2 days >cant hold back, decides to text her >telling her ive made misstakes, but im gonna change >she tells me ive had my chance >shot down >end of story > havent spoken to her in more than a week now. >all we had is literally deleted. and nothing is left but memories > knowing it will hurt as fuck next time i see her. >Preparing the feels.jpg.
>>594099959 True spoken. I tend to think way too much about the things I cant control. And my head starts making up things that might not actually even be close to the reality. Hence me being jelly..basically jelly over something that isnt even real. im fucked in the head. srsly.
Make sure though. Do not mistake what I've said with "do whatever you are inclined to", it's not the same thing. Ask yourself whether talking to her or getting over with her will make you actually get relieved. None of us may give the answer to this but you; we are at best remote observers, and you have years of experience of yourself.
Here's something I've come up with throughout the years: Think about it, does she care, even the slightest about you? Someone doesn't care about you doesn't even worth thinking about for a second. That's an easy preliminary test, most fail almost immediately. Some fake-care, but that also is not hard to tell.
Foolproof: Do not fucking tell her or anyone "you do not even care" when you realize, just drop your attention and get over it. Don't act rude, unless they've done something else which deserves that. Not caring is their choice, just respect that.
>Be me >Be autistic >Go on tons and tons of failed OKC dates >Find a gorgeous woman that is interested in me >Take her virginity >She wants to have lots and lots of sex >We enter a relationship >She says 'ok lets have lots of sex' >We do but I feel guilt >She thinks it's her ask me what's wrong >Tell her >Being autistic at this point >Drive her away >She leaves >Tried to contact her 3 weeks later >She says it'd be great to meet and catch up >We go back/forth on what days work >It's always "Wish I could, but that day doesn't work can we do another week?" >Finally task her "what weekend works for you?" >She never replies
I want to pour my heart out and tell her how I changed... not sure what the fuck to do at this point.
>>594100301 That post even helped me. >Here's something I've come up with throughout the years: Think about it, does she care, even the slightest about you? Someone doesn't care about you doesn't even worth thinking about for a second. That's an easy preliminary test, most fail almost immediately. Some fake-care, but that also is not hard to tell."
The first thing Im beginning to miss is the dog we had together. and what im actually worried about is that someone else will eventually put his dick in her. am I the only one thinking of that part? or am I being fking retarded?
>Living a next to perfect life >GF of my dreams, Known her as a friend before hand and saved her from abusive relationships and give her self confidence because her family wouldn't give her it >Have so much similarities with this girl >be 20, her 18
In september I left to go to University and we agreed we'd try long distance, over the course of the next few months, we begin having crazy arguments that seem to spawn from nowhere, I can feel the relationship starting to fall through my fingers.
However over Halloween she decided to visit. It was the last 4 days I spent with her. In November her uncle died, an uncle who for 6 months previously she gave grief too and wished he would die already. So when he died I was brutally honest with her because we promised we would be way back at the beginning.
>10 day no contact break until I get back home ..i know where this is going
I finally return Home and she breaks up with me, she now is using her family to support her and doesn't need me because I'm too sociopathic, she completely forgot about the state of her relationship with her family before I met her and she doesn't seem to care that I'm sorry for hurting her feelings.
tl:dr >her uncle died who she despised >feels guilty and hates me for calling a spade a spade >will not see me, or contact me, blocked on all formats
....I only came to University because she said I should go, I decided to in order to be able to get a life and a job and eventually have a home where we could have kids and things like that, but now there's absolutely zero reasoning for me being here
I miss her and still love her and I just want to know whether or not she ever actually felt a thing for me, she just seems to have turned cruel over night towards me and refuses to remember anything that we promised eachother
she used to self harm, I showed her that picture and her words were "who the fuck even does shit like that! you pathetic sociopathic cunt!"
>>594100800 And how the actual FUCK do I get that out of my head? Cos lets face it. I cant change that one bit.
I cant change the fact that if she WANTED to bring home three wellhung negros, there would be nothing I could do about it. its her choice, right. But i cant for the love of god get that thought out of my head. I even dream about someone lifting her up against the wall and totally just goes at it. getting to a point where im feeling real bad about it sure, " what stops you from doing the same?" well, somehow thats not the same. is that hypocritical to say?
I had this someone, we used to talk although we broke up. Then after some point she said there is someone else and truly kindly asked me not to look for her anymore. From that point on, she became a thing of past.
>>594100957 alright. some people will convice you that there are plenty of fish in the sea. but you cant see it right now.
the only way im actually able to work and coop with my feelings is that i know I need to keep busy doing things that wont remind me of my ex. whatever it may be. lets face it. the best medicine is time, but as you. I dont want to live with anyone else.
when it comes to me and my ex ,we lived together for more than a year.
>>594100764 I'm being dead serious when I ask this. Is sex really not the glue that will keep a relationship together? I can honestly see her becoming a nympho and wanting to fuck her next boyfriend every day due to me. She liked rough sex too and I could see her getting really involved in her next partner sexually. I was the one that turned that switch on in her. Are you saying it is possible that after all the sex she has, that that wouldn't be enough to keep them together?
I'm just thinking one day she might look back on me and think 'all these guys use me for sex, except one dude and I left him.' I dunno/ It's stressing me out.
I assumed if we had sex and I didn't have an issue that she'd never leave me. Maybe that is foolish
>>594101038 You must systematically purge your mind of all DNA controlled thoughts. You must fuck all the tinder fatties until the act no longer gives you even an inkling of disgust. You must live among the hobos, the downtrodden, and bathe in their filth. Hear their stories, for they are wise in their way. You must give away all possessions, and not only your material ones. For your soul must be sacrificed if you wish to achieve Ascension. It is only when you have lost everything, that you are free to do anything.
>>594101038 I feel the exact same as you. It got so bad that now I watch chaturbate couples (only) and imagine that the woman is my ex getting fucked by whomever else is on cam and how that could have been me and that's what I'll never get back in my life. I don't do it for cuckoldry reasons or get off to it, it just depresses the shit out of me to KNOW FOR A FACT, that MY EX will have some cock insider her (probably already has) and is getting fucked on the regular every night. This si completely unhealthy by the way. I wouldn't recommend it.
>>594100911 Your story has touched me man. It sounds completely fucked up. She motivated you to attend university, so that you could provide a future for her. She was going through some tough family shit and you were the only one there for her. You promised each other to be very direct with one another and when you were she got upset and dumped you. Now you are in a place you no longer care to be with no purpose. I'd recommend finishing your degree for yourself. To secure your own future. I know how it feels though. I'm pretty sure she blocked me on skype. I assumed she blocked my number, but she responded to my text very noncommittally. She also deleted her fb and I never used twitter/instagram but I check her pages every day.
>>594102085 >it just depresses the shit out of me to KNOW FOR A FACT, that MY EX will have some cock insider her (probably already has) and is getting fucked on the regular every night. This is the reason she dumped you. She saw the autism in your face. She smelled your scent, the scent of sweat and adrenaline and fear, and fled. She would not dare to risk her ovaries on a weakling like you. Imagine if she saw you, huddled in front of the glowing screen, dilated pupils flashing with jealousy and rage.
You have reached the End. You must give yourself to Yahweh or suffer eternity as a worm writhing blindly through the mud.
>>594102579 Focusing on my career. making money . Doing things I apreciate to do.whenever I feel like doing them. Finding a new place to live. im actually sitting at work waiting to go see a new place. But now and then, ( especially when it comes close to the weekend, my feelings kick in, cant help it) But for now. i just have to try keeping my head held high. no matter what .
>>594102911 This is how I'm now starting to feel. I'm glad to know someone else fucked up something they had other than it just be a unique experience that no one else has went through other than me.
I'm sure I'll cry more later, but I almost cried so much by this point (tonight) that I have nothing else inside of me to cry about.
I'm going to focus on my education. I always wanted to attend a top tier graduate school and I have a good shot at making it work. It may mean moving 100s of miles away, but if so, so be it. I want to live my dreams.
I don't particularly love my job but it makes bank, so I'll pursue it as long as possible until I get a chance to cut and pursue my dreams full time. I just feel sick. Esp. around the weekends when I know she is out at some bar some place, or getting fucked by whomever else she replaced me with.
I have to keep my chin up. I guess admitting my fuck ups is the first step to recovery.
Does your ex feel like a stranger to you yet? 60+ days later I feel like I don't even know her anymore. I feel like she is a complete stranger. Yet, I can still vividly picture her topless in my bed beside me as we went to sleep.
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