[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Click for more| Home]

FBI here. Confess your crimes in this thread and we'll wipe

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 261
Thread images: 39

File: fbiguy.jpg (38KB, 550x600px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
fbiguy.jpg
38KB, 550x600px
FBI here.
Confess your crimes in this thread and we'll wipe the slate clean.
>>
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
>>
I woke up really early and accidentally pissed on the toilet seat.
>>
>>593491830
I was the one who stole the sandwich from the office fridge
>>
I fucked ur mum
>>
I once didn't lick the Nutella off the spoon.
>>
my ex posted nudes of me when i was 14
>>
File: 139483627938.png (563KB, 569x802px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
139483627938.png
563KB, 569x802px
Cia here, screw off FBI no one else on my plane.
>>
I was the one who made the WEBM of the chocolate milk being poured down the drain
>>
>>593491830
i bummed the last cigarette of some guy
>>
File: maxresdefault.jpg (71KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
maxresdefault.jpg
71KB, 1280x720px
>>593492470
Oh so you're in charge? NOT ANY MORE YOU'RE NOT
>>
>>593491830
>>593492470
i'm 60 and i still wear diapers
btw i just pooped in my pants
>>
>>593492786
Those sins are unforgivable my son.
>>
I had sex with the lights on :/
>>
i always get tuna in the mayonnaise
>>
>>593493023
how can i ever go to heaven again my father
>>
I stole an American Flag from a public building in Wisconsin, the night before the 4th of July.
>>
I never get dubs
>>
I once hijacked a 727 and parachuted out with about $200 grand
>>
i drank the chocolate milk
>>
>started a new carding web site
>best carding board was shut down
>get email dump from the old best site and write newsletter
>shit got serious, website was at 10.000+ visitors / day
>made 10k every week with ads
>sold website

at least the cops have shut the website down, cuz of bad administrating/IT skills of the new team... kek
>>
>>593493431
Dan?
>>
I stole a balloon
>>
I raped an old white bald FBI agent once. he promised he'd have his revenge someday while i was browsing /b/
>>
I speed regularly
>>
>>593493127
are you that guy, that posted in a subway thread few days ago??
>>
>>593494008
i don't believe i am.
>>
I had sex doggy style for reasons other than procreation.
>>
i inveted the captcha
>>
>>593494280
i think we should hunt this fucker
>>
>>593491830
I'm Jack the Ripper
>>
File: 1420993782461.jpg (7KB, 184x184px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1420993782461.jpg
7KB, 184x184px
>>593491830
Do you promise?
>>
I don't wash my hands after I take a shit
>>
>>593493740
If you can't do the time, don't do the crime................Alright now get out of here
>>
>>593491830
I didn't flush.
>>
>>593494888
Trips.
>>
File: pedrobear.png (84KB, 313x463px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
pedrobear.png
84KB, 313x463px
>>593494632
Yeah, do you promise?
>>
I shot jfk
>>
I work for Monsanto
>>
nuffin i aint amurica
>>
Killed a man in Reno
>>
File: 1421361982754.jpg (2MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1421361982754.jpg
2MB, 3264x2448px
i once asked someone to cut my name on there skin and they did
>>
>>593491830
I DID shoot the deputy
>>
File: 1419042185483.jpg (280KB, 996x1044px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1419042185483.jpg
280KB, 996x1044px
>>593495586
I can't read that shit. Here, read mine.
>>
>>593491830
I never seed my torrents
>>
>>593491830
Not sure if it's a crime, but I shoot Mexicans as they cross the river. I'm told as long as they're in the river and don't wash up on the USA side I'm not going to jail.

I figure that I get 30-40 a month. I spend my own money on bullets, but figure each one I take out saves millions in taxpayer dollars so it works out to be an overall good thing.
>>
i walked past a trespassers will be prosecuted sign, just to take a piss
>>
>>593495901
Watch the edge there bud.
>>
>>593496010
>i walked past a trespassers
>will be prosecuted sign
>>
>>593495248
just to watch him die?
>>
>>593495901
As a Mexican, that is oddly extremely sad yet hilarious to me... :/
>>
You're all idiots. I got a backroom deal with a contract, the whole nine yards. Now no one will know what i did for a klondike bar!
>>
>>593496186
Are you crossing?
>>
File: 1418953792360.jpg (271KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1418953792360.jpg
271KB, 1920x1080px
>>593495586
>mfw my name is Kieran.
>>
>>593491830
I licked my fat ex-girlfriend's 7-year-old daughter's pussy on several occasions. Best pussy I ever had. I still jack off to her just about every night. Even if I go to jail someday for that, I'm glad I have that in my spank bank. Life is better with it.

The daughter was the main reason I hooked up with that fat bitch. I'm not attracted to fatties at all.
>>
>>593495854

fuck you
>>
File: 19023095763.gif (112KB, 300x169px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
19023095763.gif
112KB, 300x169px
>>593491830
I accidentally the whole thing into your mom without her consent OP
>>
>>593496434
I'm ethnically Mexican, but culturally American. I was born and raised here. My high school is across the street from Stanford University, haha.
>>
>>593496472
>mfw it says kicron
>>
i am gay.
>>
>>593496141
The bluff isn't that steep, not really any risk of me falling over. When I start shooting they usually scatter but the first few are easy as fuck. Takes border patrol 2-3 minutes to get to where I was at, plenty of time to police my brass and drive away casually.

Why should anyone have to pay these felons to live here? Why should we have to pay to deport them? Much easier to just put a $0.09 bullet in their ass and let them drown.
>>
>>593496656
Into the pit with you, heathen!
>>
>>593496647
>ethnically Mexican
>>
I dinn doo nuffin offissah
>>
>>593496499
Pics or it didn't happen
>>
>>593496674
Yeah, nobody believes you. Fuck off, faggot nigger.
>>
File: 29304702375.gif (1MB, 500x350px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
29304702375.gif
1MB, 500x350px
>>593495823
Because cutting through 3 feet of fatty tissue is life-threatening.
>>
>>593491830
I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot the deputy.
>>
>>593491830
Picked up prostitutes. And will continue do so.
>>
>>593496850
Yeah, not gonna do that. Are you fucking kidding me, lol?

I wish I could tell more of the story, but I'm actually afraid that LEA is watching.
>>
>>593496186
You are worthless and should kill yourself.

>>593496647
See above.
>>
File: 1362568479869.png (55KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1362568479869.png
55KB, 1920x1080px
>>593491830
I raped an FBI agent
>>
>>593496647
Doesn't matter you're still mexican. Its a taco stain on your already dirty pants that no amount of low paying labor and cigarettes will clean off.
>>
>>593496791
Yes, I understand that Mexicans aren't "technically" a race or ethnicity. But that's a bullshit belief.


Everyone knows what is meant when the term "Mexican" is used. It refers to a certain group of people who, as a group, is no different from any other ethnicity or race.
>>
>>593491830
i confess that your entire life is a fabricated scenario including this confession of it
>>
File: I-came-buckets.jpg (47KB, 635x477px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
I-came-buckets.jpg
47KB, 635x477px
>>593495823
>>
>>593496869
That's the great thing about posting here, I could be full of shit or I could live in Nuevo Laredo two blocks away from Rio Grande and just be fucking fed up with Los zetas and border jumping Mexican scum.
>>
I killed 10 people when I worked for the mob.
I helped nail a niggers house shut and then burned him and his white wife to death.
I put poison in a water tank for a small town in WV.
I used to collect protection money for the mob.
I threw a rock through a cop car window once.
I raped 4 or 5 girls and then left them tied t o trees. Don't know if they ever got loose or not.
>>
>>593496499
humbert humbert pls go
>>
>>593496499
You'll be going soon enough. Fuckin' freak.
>>
File: qrqwer.jpg (50KB, 640x305px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
qrqwer.jpg
50KB, 640x305px
>>593491830
i did the 9/11
>>
>>593496499
>fbitip.jpg
>>
>>593497046
>>593497226
I'm not sure why people hate Mexicans so much. You hate us more than niggers, which makes absolutely no sense. We are people, just like everyone else (sans niggers). My genetic heritage has nothing to do with who I am as a person. I am white at heart.
>>
>>593497438
Yeah, nah, you're a fuckin' liar.
>>
Conspiracy to overthrow the universe.
>>
>>593497303
Mexicans are a worthless people, it doesn't matter what part of Mexico you're from. Puerto Rico, Guatemala, Venezuela, etc., all produce worthless Mexicans.
>>
>>593497414
Yeah, Mexicans would come and kill you if word got out about what you're doing. Not all of them are unarmed crossing, anyway.

Your story is implausible.
>>
>>593497470
Huh?
>>
When my aunt stayed with us and slept in my bed with me, I came buckets while she slept while sniffing her panties and staring at her nice ass.
>>
File: image.jpg (38KB, 600x400px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image.jpg
38KB, 600x400px
I stole a pair of shoes
>>
>>593497509
Why do you hate pedophiles, buddy?
>>
i let niggers free
>>
>>593497303
>Mexicans aren't ... a race or ethnicity
>that's a bullshit belief.
>Everyone knows what is meant when the term "Mexican" is used.
It means Mexican, not spic.
>no different from any other ethnicity or race
I chuckled.
>>
>>593497509

sup tumblr
>>
>>593491830

i farted in a funeral
>>
>>593491830
I travelled back in time to the year 2001 for 15 minutes (maximum time i could be there so i had enough power in my machine to return home) and instead of warning people of 9/11 or telling a homeless family the lotto results, i invented dank memes
>>
>>593497811
I can't wait until these bigoted sentiments against Mexicans die out. It's unfair that we have to live in a world that hates us more than niggers.
>>
>>593492927
Kek
>>
File: 89236298561.png (143KB, 960x540px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
89236298561.png
143KB, 960x540px
>>593496499
u dun goof'd mister dubs master
>>
>>593497726
Have you been to a neighborhood that used to be white and crime free then come back after one Mexican family (about 300 or so "people" in a two bedroom house) move in?

Niggers get a leg up on you because at least they try to do something about the problem by killing each other.
>>
>>593498128
>I chuckled.
That's because you misunderstood what was being said.
>>
>>593498252
Si. Me gustan tacos
>>
>>593497726
Did you forget the love after Trayvon?
>>
>>593497755
>dubdubs
nice
>>
>>593498252
shut the fuck up bro you guys are trying to take over our country its not your fucking country you have one and it's your faults it's fucked up we didn't do shit to your stupid fucking country
>>
>>593498128
you're an idiot. Mexican means from mexico. their race is hispanic...not fucking mexican. fucktard
>>
I was 16 and was in a co-ed camp. A bunch of guys and girls played a prank on me and another girl. They took all our clothes off and marooned us in a near by island. She kind of passed out or something but wouldn't wake up. I raped her several times through out the night, cumming twice in her. I woke up next morning, she was breathing but still passed out. I left the camp the same day, never hear or saw her again.
>>
File: 1421627114600.jpg (115KB, 1176x886px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1421627114600.jpg
115KB, 1176x886px
i once stole a bunch of porn mags from a shop and sold them to my mates for £5 each
>>
>>593491830
I like big boobs, please forgive me.
>>
>>593497726
Its a sort of control thing. You're better then niggers in everyway. You work harder, you last longer, and there's ALWAYS more of you. So with the whole black trial run with the slaves we've learned how to keep you down. Thats through sheer unadulterated hate and general financial control. And through these the control of your future as a "citizen" of this fine control. Essentially you can follow this system and live in shit shacks and make $.50 cents an hour for the rest of your life or join a gang and die. Obviously the systems not perfected yet hence you getting actual schooling but i assure you you'll be discriminated against as much as possible and given a generally lesser live then those in similar situations.
>>
>>593498374
>crime free
What sorts of "crimes" are you saying such neighborhoods were free from? I get what you're saying, but not all Mexicans are like that.

I don't even get along with Mexicans, and they don't typically like me. I am basically a white person. I can't even speak Spanish that well.


It sucks having to hide my race from people and knowing that simply having this genetic heritage gives me low status in society. It's made me depressed; people with low ethnic affiliation are known to be prone to depression.
>>
>>593497875
If they had any idea who I was, I'm sure I'd be at risk. They don't and it happens every day across Arizona. I don't kill the guide (coyote) so he can continue bringing me fat, lazy, slow targets.
>>
>>593498359
What if... his girlfriend was a tree?
>>
>>593498252
whoa buddy we dont hate you more than niggers
its like
Niggers>Sand Niggers>Marshalese/abbos>Mexicans>Indians>Jews>other races

So like just remember we still hate you more than Indians and Jews
>>
>>593491830
I haven't done anything wrong. I just want a job. Can you FBI get me a job? I'll be a narc if that is what it takes. I am already to the point of not passing piss tests, so just send me into the field. Pay me well. I'm putting my ass on the line for you.
>>
>>593498399
>you misunderstood
No, I understood perfectly. You think you're like real people.
>>
>>593498685
Your image is false. It was on a set on one of those csi shows.
>>
File: 2903753908672.jpg (130KB, 485x471px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2903753908672.jpg
130KB, 485x471px
>>593498886
Then he must be barking mad
>>
File: anxiety.png (79KB, 245x236px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
anxiety.png
79KB, 245x236px
>be me
>19 y/o female enrolled in the biggest state university
>Culture shock still, because I attended catholic school my whole school career, ALL GIRLS school throughout High School
>First year of college is extremely uncomfortable, I'm so scared of boys in the classroom I refuse to even put my hand up or contribute to scholarly discussions.
>My depression spirals out of control tho
>Attend parties held by my ratchet BFF just to meet guys, as I am still a virgin.

Will Cont.
>>
>>593498252
Quit being pieces of shit. It will help dispell that (correct) belief.
>>
>>593498374
>Niggers get a leg up on you because at least they try to do something about the problem by killing each other.
That's actually not the reason. The reason is that their culture, being formed on the outset of and alongside American culture, is more similar to American culture than Mexican culture is. People are naturally xenophobic, so Mexicans have been designated as lower-status people.
>>
>>593498448
hey atleast mexican chicks are hot unlike nigger chicks
>>
>>593498453
You messed up there. Please read again, friend.
>>
>>593498359
Meh. I honestly don't give a fuck. I will literally kill lots of people if I get punished for this as soon as I'm released.

I'm tired of this societal oppression against pedophiles. It needs to stop immediately.
>>
>>593496152
yes
>>
>>593498453
I think he was baiting. If not, then yes, he's a fucktard.
>>
File: 192347293481.jpg (98KB, 480x480px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
192347293481.jpg
98KB, 480x480px
>>593499424
NAMBLA pls go
>>
>>593499128
mfw I know this picture describes the symptoms of anxiety
>>
>>593499261
>mexican chicks are hot
Lol.
>>
>>593498776

LOL no, stop.

>>593498814

You're a sad sack of shit for allowing the general consensus of sheeple to let you feel this way. That's probably why your own people despise you because they sense the bitch in you.

I'm fucking brown and down, ese. JAJAJAJA. That's HAH with a J, bitch.
>>
>>593491830
I posted a fake FBI thread on 4chan and fapped to all the replies.
>>
>>593499530
You sense make different tea none to die airplane.
>>
>>
>>593498776
>or join a gang and die. Obviously the systems not perfected yet hence you getting actual schooling but i assure you you'll be discriminated against as much as possible and given a generally lesser live then those in similar situations.
Yes. It makes me so sad, but joyful that others recognize this.

When I went to jail (for a nonviolent, victimless crime, of course), they assumed I was a gangster and were surprised to learn I have some college education.

I'm tired of this society. Being Mexican here sucks.
>>
>>593498814
Violent crime, vandalism, sex crimes, etc.

Even before that, look at the HOA violations when they first move in. Your front lawn isn't a fucking garage. You're driving down my property values.
>>
that's not how evidence works

it's to ADD to your record
>>
File: 1420222238941.jpg (72KB, 600x900px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1420222238941.jpg
72KB, 600x900px
>>593499656
What's your problem?
>>
File: 1402667520388.png (135KB, 229x217px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1402667520388.png
135KB, 229x217px
>>593491830

I had sex once in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.
>>
I take a tape recorder and record Newlyweds Nick and Jessica, then I go back and record over Nick to simulate me having a conversation with Jessica Simpson, Then I put on earphones and listen to it while I lay in bed at night
>>
>>593499043
Nope. I was simply just making the point that people who say Mexicans aren't "technically" a race are just arguing semantics.
>>
File: 1421621816382.png (341KB, 551x512px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1421621816382.png
341KB, 551x512px
>>593499424
LOL pedophile thinks he's gonna kill people
inb4 dead in prison
don't brag about molesting poor seven yr old girls douche fag
>>
File: nervous.jpg (417KB, 1300x1390px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
nervous.jpg
417KB, 1300x1390px
>>593499128
>My BFF lives off campus with her milfy mom (mom gave birth to her at age 18) and little brother.
>We get free range of the basement
>I really really hate myself back then because I was a size 6 and I was convinced I was "too fat" for any guy to have sex with
>One weekend I am in my BFF's basement with a few other girlfriends and also a handful of guys our age. I'm the only virgin.
>Her shitty little brother(12) and cousin (like 1-2 years older than brother) decide to play a prank on us as we are all drinking and smoking
>I just wish I had more self esteem and shit at the time
>>
You mother fuckers already tried this once.

But after the bitch at one of the state child protective service offices, after the Marshal's picking me up at my work, and after me being placed on house arrest for over a fucking year.. you bastards aren't getting me to talk ever again.
>>
>>593499656
I don't get why people think pedophiles are typically gay. It's a dumb belief.
>>
>>593492745
Sir, we will be at your house shortly. Please, leave the chocolate milk alone for the time being.
>>
>>593500218
People like you make me sick.
>>
>>593500236
>Mexicans aren't "technically" a race are just arguing semantics
So what race do you like best, Californians or Texans?
>>
>>593500296
lulz
>>
File: 1409040635442.jpg (133KB, 1620x1080px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1409040635442.jpg
133KB, 1620x1080px
>>593499719
say what you want, but some black chicks are pretty damned hot
>>
This one time I shot a man in Reno
>>
>>593492009
i was just listening to that
>>
>>593500296
>size 6

May as well be a size 60. Have some respect for your body and hit the gym.

Post your fat ass.
>>
>>593499787
>You're a sad sack of shit for allowing the general consensus of sheeple to let you feel this way.
I know, but I can't help it, man. My parents, when raising me, were intent on destroying my self-esteem. Then, being raised in predominantly white, rich schools was not any help; I faced much discrimination, and still do to this day.

I'm trying to better myself.


>That's probably why your own people despise you because they sense the bitch in you.
They despise me because I act white and don't at all associate with their culture.
>>
>>593499817
a "Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted" signs
does that clear it up
>>
>>593500484
Who said anything about homosexuality? I'm talking about Man/Boy Love. Get the fuck out of here with your gay shit you faggot.
>>
i just finished pointing and laughing at my cat laying in the corner... 30 minutes of non stop name calling and glorious masturbation to his lack of understanding of whats going on
>>
>>593498943
whoa hold up the hate meter should be
niggers>kikes (not including the comedians)>sand niggers>abbos>dotted indians>all other races
>>
>>593500784
That's a nigger.
>>
>>593499989
>sex crimes
What kinds of sex crimes?


>Your front lawn isn't a fucking garage.
It's his property, though. Bigoted, ethnocentric dick.


>You're driving down my property values.
lol, I had to laugh at this one.

If you're living around a bunch of Mexicans who park their cars on their lawns, then your property was never worth shit to begin with.
>>
>>593500727
Texans.
>>
I killed a cucumber ;~; I think i need to hide :c
>>
>>593500290
>inb4 dead in prison
First, it's a common misconception that prisoners kill pedophiles.

Plus, I would be in protective custody, even if I were in jail for an unrelated crime. Fuck the general population.
>>
>>593501278
Border bunny.
>>
>>593491830
I had missionary sex with a woman for the sole purpose of procreating.
>>
File: swcscient.jpg (73KB, 400x300px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
swcscient.jpg
73KB, 400x300px
>>593500296
I've never ever told this to anyone, not even my BFF at the time.
>Her little brother and cousin thought they were badasses and I actually remember them using a ladder to scour the ceiling tiles when my friend wasn't home, hoping to find her "stash" hidden there. lol
>Everyone in the basement is pretty much passed out
>I have a tendency to binge drink so I had to pee, I go up the stairs to the bathroom (right behind the brother's bedroom)
>As I'm peeing I can hear them fucking talking about shit. They then decide to intercept me in the hallway to try to score weed.

Continue?
>>
File: 1421624424580.jpg (26KB, 492x550px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1421624424580.jpg
26KB, 492x550px
>>593501370
>Inb4 dead in prison.
>>
>>593492009
Came here to say that.

Thanks.
>>
i work freelance private sector for interpol. I've been trying to contact you about these aliens.
>>
>>593492470
Crash this plane. WITH NO SURVIVORS.
>>
>>593501465
lol
>>
>>593501192
black chicks are niggers, are you retarded?
>>
>>593501370
ur under arrest
>>
>>593499424

Aaw the big boy pedo shares his feelings.

It all starts with you living and sharing who you are in real life. You haven't done that yet and never will because you're a child fucker and even you know it's wrong.

You are the reason hebes don't have rights.
>>
>>593501465
No, that's okay. You should go kill yourself though.
>>
>>593492009
And i see that train a comin'
>>
>be 23 & feel stalked
>be 25 & feel like president in training
>be 35 run for president segue illuminati
>be 35.1 assinated
>>
I once jacked off with my piss for lube.
>>
>>593499919
I'm sorta in the same boat. Native american here. They actually thought i was mexican when they picked me up and when they found my tribal ID said it was fake as hell and cut it in half. day in the local cell till my family found out what happened the. Another 3 in juvie to get it all figured out. I actually got off and paid cause the cops fucked up.
A. They got the wrong guy
B. They destroyed by property
C. Did not read me my writes
The cops got fined i got reimbursed for the destroyed property which my tribe somehow convincd them it was worth $500 dollars. Turns out a local gang was tagging everything and based on the descriptions i looked like one of them. And thats what happened on the way to my first job interview.
>>
>>593501199
Rape, assault, forgot all about domestic violence rates going through the roof.

>inb4 someone pulls up a stat board saying whites have higher anything than Mexicans

Mexicans are, for reasons that I will never understand, considered white.

When they move in the property value drops, which allows more to move in and inside two years your home is worth less than half what you paid for it.

It being his property doesn't instantly negate HOA rules.
>>
File: 12390739512.jpg (128KB, 660x993px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
12390739512.jpg
128KB, 660x993px
>>593501370
>Plus, I would be in protective custody

You've never been incarcerated.
>>
File: vegeta1.jpg (54KB, 1024x640px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
vegeta1.jpg
54KB, 1024x640px
When I was a sophmore in undergrad (grad student now) there was this kid I hated for some reason (never even did anything to me). So I decided to break into his dorm room and steal all his shit. Two weeks prior to the break in, I meticulously took note of every single camera that existed in the dorm house, and I planned my route so I would be in all of the blind spots (surprisingly easy to do, their surveillance system had a lot of huge blind spots). I waited until he posted on facebook that he was home for the thanksgiving break until I struck his room.

The dorm room doors have latch handles that automatically unlock if you push the inside handle, so I fashioned a coat hook into a burglar's tool that I could slide under the door and open the door with. I waited until 4am in the morning, shimmied his door open, and took an eighth of weed, a half bottle of grey goose, an xbox 360 with some video games. I stuffed them in my back back and got the fuck out of there. After thanksgiving break was over, the RAs sent us all an email saying that somebody broke into a dorm room through a window and stole an xbox. LOL fucking morons.

I also jacked off on a neighbor's car handle once but that's another story.
>>
>>593499424
ayy
y
y

l
m
a
o
>>
>>593492745
LOCK THIS SON OF A BITCH UP
>>
>>593501798
>even you know it's wrong
Why do you believe it's wrong? What code of ethics do you operate under?

Read The Trauma Myth, and also check this APA meta-analysis out:

http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/bul/124/1/22/
"Many lay persons and professionals believe that child sexual abuse (CSA) causes intense harm, regardless of gender, pervasively in the general population. The authors examined this belief by reviewing 59 studies based on college samples. Meta-analyses revealed that students with CSA were, on average, slightly less well adjusted than controls. However, this poorer adjustment could not be attributed to CSA..."


>You are the reason hebes don't have rights.
No, I try like hell to explain to people that the current stigma against pedophilia is bullshit. Some people understand, but it's hard for them because they've been so deeply programmed to be averse to it. Idiotic bigots always maintain their ways and fail to successfully argue their position.
>>
File: shellshocked.jpg (32KB, 667x389px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
shellshocked.jpg
32KB, 667x389px
>>593501813
>sniff
>aahhhhh
>Right I guess I will just type up the story next time. Goodnight anon
>>
>>593501798
>It all starts with you living and sharing who you are in real life.
That's actually not a good idea, but I may do that eventually. It's stressful having to hide yourself from everyone.
>>
>>593502128
You wouldn't have been hired anyway, you look like a bean nigger.
>>
>>593493713
Mike?
>>
>>593501465
i really don't care
>>
>>593502575

Be a fucking man and fight if you truly believe in being a pedo.

You are a coward otherwise.
>>
>>593502128
Goddamn it. This is why I fucking hate white, or any privileged people.

You fucks go to hell. We're going to explode very soon.
>>
>be in middle school
>in 3rd period
>get up and ask teacher to use the restroom
>"no anon, i need everyone in the class right now"
>kind of confused but whatever, then I hear it
>kid next to me tells me that the class across our wing just got searched with drug dogs
>i had just finished picking up half an ounce off my friend
>realize that this is fucking serious i could face criminal charges
>start scanning the room for patsys
>see this fat kid infront of me with his head down
>its our class know it all, fat, pimply and annoying as hell
>thinks he's better than everyone because he has a 4.0
>his heads down and his back packs laying on the floor, its time to make my move
>slowly inch is backpack to my desk with my foot
>sucess, after zipping his backpack open i quickly dumped the container in his back pack
>about a minute after i finish the teacher tells us to get up and leave the room
>tells us explicitly to not touch our bags
>as were waiting in line 2 officers come in with a K9 unit
>MFW I didnt get caught
>MFW that kid got expelled and his life was probably ruined
>MFW i went home later that day and smoked a huge ass victory blunt
>MFW I see that kid every day at the supermarket as a cashier near where i work
>MFW he thought his good grades guaranteed he would succeed
>>
>>593491830
I shot the sheriff but I didn't shoot no deputy
>>
>>593502788
MFW wow dude you suck so much dicks
MFW your a scumbag
MFW die in a fire.
>>
>>593491830
I jaywalked once about 10 years ago and I haven't slept right since then.
Feels good to get that off my chest.
>>
>>593491830
One time a finished the coffee but didn't make another pot at work
>>
>>593501875
How do you get assinated? Is that like an extreme form of anal penetration?
>>
>>593502669
It was a guaranteed minority hire i got through the unemployment agency. There's people there that help minorities get jobs. The lady i know solely helps natives and deals with tribal law and stuff etc.
>>
>>593502141
>domestic violence rates going through the roof.
Now I know you're a mangina white knight feminist beta shill. Go MGTOW, or kill yourself, faggot.


>It being his property doesn't instantly negate HOA rules.
Those rules are fucking stupid.

God, white people are such evil, greedy pieces of shit.
>>
>>593502788
Honestly, i really like you.
Put that pompous little faggot in his place 9/10
>>
File: image.jpg (785KB, 1800x2400px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
image.jpg
785KB, 1800x2400px
>>593495901
Thank you for your service.
>>
>>593502243
Yes I have. What are you trying to say?
>>
File: inb4 shitstorm.webm (2MB, 480x274px)
inb4 shitstorm.webm
2MB, 480x274px
>>593493956
me too man what do u drive im rollin in a volkswagon
>>
>16: drugged sister and messed with her sexually until she came to me for sex
>19: stole 5000 dollars worth of cocaine from someone and framed another guy who was an ass, he ended up getting killed
>20: sister got pregnant because of faulty condom and had abortion which led her to depression
>23: had video camera set up at work for voyeur vids and found out my gf was cheating on me. i dropped copies of it at her work place and she lost her job, she then came home to all her stuff on the street waiting for her and me telling her to fuck off
>>
>>593491830
conspiracy to over throw the gov.
>>
I kind of scammed my way into a certain Ivy League school
>>
File: donal duck.jpg (12KB, 193x261px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
donal duck.jpg
12KB, 193x261px
>>593502788
>middle school
>picked up half an ounce

good luck being a nigger/spic/ or white trash monster. You do not belong in our society.
>>
>>593502788
Never happened. They don't expel for life for weed under an oz. Most states won't even arrest you, they just issue a citation, take the weed and give you a court date.

He could've beat the charge by peeing in a cup.
>>
>>593498814
You sad piece of shit. Quit being so self loathing because of your race. Every race has its handful of shitty people so don't sweat it man. Pro-tip, quit being envious of whites and stop hating all blacks.
>>
>>593491830
My record is clean. Thank god for Deferred adjudication.
>>
>>593491830
I shot a guy named George who works at the FBI. Never told anyone but i suppose this is as good a time as any.
>>
>>593502764
I deliberately, unapologetically, and unashamedly check out little girls in public, and I'm not discrete about it. I think most people, deep inside, understand there's nothing wrong with being a pedophile. It's just that everyone's been brainwashed, so I don't think doing this is hurting my cause. (I don't try to be creepy when doing this, though. Don't get the wrong idea.)

Between doing that and explaining my views online, there's not much one guy can do.
>>
>>593503478
He got expelled not for life. He never said Expelled for life.
>>
>>593502695
Hi, I'm Carl
>>
I accidentally jizzed on a 30 dollar magic card
>>
>>593503191
I'm getting that tattooed on my cock. Holy fuck the patriotism.
>>
>>593503609
I honestly don't care about my race. What I care about is being treated unfairly because of it.


If Mexicans were given equal respect, I wouldn't have any problem with what I am whatsoever. You don't understand.
>>
>>593502788
lol
anon: And that was my dream about how I was a 7th grader. I am so fucking alpha
>>
>>593503113
> will find out at age 35.1
>>
>>593503669

So what makes one creepy and another not creepy? You just don't wanna see yourself as creepy, when really you are. Why would you even mention that?
>>
>>593503478
They do. The county i live in is a "no score" county. You're a minor and get arrested and tested you better be clean or else its a misdeamenor. Carrying an oz. could be a felony depending on record. Both lead to 2 weeks suspension first time around 2nd is expulsion from said school. 3rd is expulsion from school district. Usually around the 2nd they slap on the "no license till you're 18" deal we're famous for
>>
In 9th grade during class I asked to used to bathroom. I then proceeded to sneak in to the girls bathroom and hide and jerk off while listening to girls pee.
>>
I shot two agents.
Maybe, I'm not sure.
>>
>>593503728
Life was ruined, meh, read it wrong.
>>
>>593491830
Dissent.

Loads and loads of dissent.

Since you've been preparing all the legal, technological, and tactical tools it takes to begin to prosecute that, I can reason that dissent is my greatest crime.
>>
I'm banging my roommates girl friend and I came in her ass today.
>>
>>593504191
>So what makes one creepy and another not creepy?
I suppose it's subjective. My point is my behavior when checking out little girls or women is identical.


Besides, I hate the word "creepy". Like the stigma against pedophilia. it's something used to oppress men.
>>
I ran the trade in Xanax in Pensecola to Panama City to Tallahasee from 2003-2012
I shot those two niggers in Milville in 2005, they tried to rob me with bats...
I had 2 Panama City PD and a Bay County Sherriff on the take for 2006-2009, and hlaf a dozen Tallahasee cops, 2 FSU campus cops, and seemingly everyone in the Pensecola PD they put away all my rivals
The Bay County Prosecutor Jim Appleman with the aid of my money went on to do great things like silence local media and newspapers for me
I had people disappeared for stiffing me.
I sold out my interest in the concern with the Cubans to Paul W. SO he could take over my business.
I retired to an unspecified European nation with a nice standard of living and low cost of living without a single misdemeanor or felony.
>>
File: Cosby.gif (461KB, 460x350px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Cosby.gif
461KB, 460x350px
>>593491830
>>
>>593504641
>pedophilia. it's
Oops, that was meant to be a comma, not a period. I have shitty vision and type fast, lol.
>>
I too ran the trade in Xanax in Pensecola to Panama City to Tallahasee from 2003-2012
I shot those two niggers in Milville in 2005, they tried to rob me with bats...
I had 2 Panama City PD and a Bay County Sherriff on the take for 2006-2009, and hlaf a dozen Tallahasee cops, 2 FSU campus cops, and seemingly everyone in the Pensecola PD they put away all my rivals
The Bay County Prosecutor Jim Appleman with the aid of my money went on to do great things like silence local media and newspapers for me
I had people disappeared for stiffing me.
I sold out my interest in the concern with the Cubans to Paul W. SO he could take over my business.
I retired to an unspecified European nation with a nice standard of living and low cost of living without a single misdemeanor or felony.
>>
>>593504322
Yeah, except it was a half ounce. What state?
>>
File: towel.png (89KB, 417x234px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
towel.png
89KB, 417x234px
>>593491830

I stole cat food from a grocery store once.
>>
One time I tried to pit my finger in my friend's 3 year old sister's vagina. She cried and I never got caught.
Always regretting it
>>
>>593491830
Besides torrenting movies I already own (scratched dads etc) I've done nothing
>>
>>593503165
>no context for his annoying bullshit other than having good grades
>anon is probably a much bigger fag.
>>
>>593502788
>thinks he's better than everyone because he has a 4.0
if everyone else had a lower GPA, that thinking would be correct, quite literally
>>
>>593491830

>confess to unknown crime
>wipe slate of unknown crime
>admit to something no one knows about

you're clearly an educated person
>>
>>593505080
See, these are the kinds of pedos that give us a bad name.


Can you provide more context? How did this happen?
>>
File: millschool.png (229KB, 589x597px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
millschool.png
229KB, 589x597px
I made up a story about how I was older and rekt my bully. BRB posting bananas
>>
>>593503929
>itt: sheltered Mexican-American's first experience with racism.

"Whaaat?! Why me though?! I'm white at heart! It's not all Mexicans! I'm sad that people look down on me because of my race! At least we're not niggers right?? Guys?"
>>
>>593505382
That depends on how you define "better".
>>
Okay, Okay!

I did suck my own dick a lot for a while, but my back started hurting and I've never done it again since then, I swear!
>>
>>593495901
Motherfucker, what are you doing? They're our source for cheeeap underpaid labor without drawing taxpayer-funded benefits, and they have no rights or position of status to complain. Why are you ruining this good thing? Are you gonna come replant and water my fuckin azalea bushes for $3/hr and let me buttfuck your daughter in exchange for the opportunity? I don't think so. The millions of $ you thought you were saving, you're costing us.
>>
>>593505612
They're called coconuts.
>>
I drink drunk and high all the time
I don't have insurance
I stayed in Canada for 7 months and the cut off period for renouncing your citizenship is 6 months
I don't have a valid driver's license
I bought minors beer once
I run red lights and stop signs all the time
I speed all the time
I once sexually assaulted a woman in a crowd at the mall
I lied to government officials
I have a TSA patch that I stole from some airport security that was sleeping
I once burned down an abandoned house

There, it's such a relief to get that off my chest.

Oh and I also had sex with a minor when I was 18.
>>
>>593496647
see you at school soon mother fucker
>>
File: JfWvW7E.gif (496KB, 500x259px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
JfWvW7E.gif
496KB, 500x259px
>>593491830
Fine here is a video confession.
We square now?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cp9sEMEeTtc
>>
>>593505725
Message received, coordinates are downloading to the respective locations. Standby for further notification.
>>
>>593499128
omg wait dude same
>>
OK! I'll talk!
>In third grade, I cheated on my history exam.
>In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play.
>In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... when my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out
but the worst thing I ever done
>I mixed a pot of fake puke at home
>went to this movie theater
>hid the puke in my jacket
>climbed up to the balcony
>then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa
>I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience.
>And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other.

I never felt so bad in my entire life.
>>
FBI here. Could we post some big black cocks whilst we discuss this?
>>
>>593505612
>sheltered Mexican-American's first experience with racism.
First experience with racism? Pfft. I already explained that I've lived an entire life of being discriminated against.

Someone just needs to say this stuff. I'm trying to change the societal tides here. Hopefully someday Mexicans won't be so arbitrarily looked down upon.
>>
>>593505793
I don't go to PALY anymore, little faggot.

You wanna meet up in Town & Country? I'd be happy to see you.
>>
>>593505683
Except they do collect benefits. Health, food stamps, parks that their little nigglets tag... the labor savings are great, but the cost far outweighs the benefit.
>>
>>593505886
Lolwut?
>>
>>593505519
I'm not attracted to children.
I was 13 and I'd never seen a vagina in real life. She was naked in the room with me while my friend was downstairs and I was curious.

Felt like killing myself afterwards
>>
>>593504934
Minnesota. I know that we're laxing the laws soon but there's alot of alcohol and drug laws that go county to county and alot of other laws that are solely for minors county to county.
>>
>>593504729
Don't know if serious, but...damn
>>
Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I close my eyes, but I can still see her tits bouncing... When I was ten, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was twelve I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald man cry into the turtle stew, which I do believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel...
>>
>>593491830
I don't seed my torrents
Thread posts: 261
Thread images: 39


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.