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Can /b/ help me out? Dont usually green text but.. >live

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

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Can /b/ help me out? Dont usually green text but..

>live in a moderately expensive upper midwest town
>been married almost 11 years
>have 4 kids ages 6 thru 12
>wife doesn't work
>tried for a little too long to make a small business work
>things were great, built a 4,000 square foot house 9 years ago
>lost it 4 years ago due to business failing from bad economy
>bought another house luckily in time before credit was ruined in the town we both grew up in
>have a different job and combined with residual from old business making a little over $100k a year
>wife is going to a big 10 university online
>4 kids in private school
>years ago i was a controll freak
>now just want things to be normal
>wife angry all the time
>stick up for myself and things always get worse
>her parents hate me and i let them know i hate them
>had bad month with work last month and money is tight
>she needs books for school and i suggested it might be a problem
>says i am asking her to drop out of school
>i defend myself, but kids around
>love her to death
>trying to figure out a real way to get her back to respecting me

Maybe i need to offer more info.

Tldr: have wife i love that doesnt contribute financialy, she is going crazy and i cant make her see what it does to us,and how it could be better. Her parents blame me and she always runs to them and never her friends.

There's a lot more. All you fags that want to help ask away.
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sell your asshole on the streets to afford her books
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If you got a prenup tell her to shut the fuck up, if not you're stupid and have 2 choices, be her bitch or be bankrupt with child support and never see your kids again
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>>591506550
Who gets prenups?
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Point is i love her. Just needed her to get off the cunt wagon and be cool again
>>
>8000 / month
>cant buy books

sell the kids?

but seriously, your her meal ticket, shes using you to pay for her school and kids. after school she is gone and you get to keep the bill
>>
>>591505474
She sounds like she's a bit of a cunt. Have you tried a calm and rational conversation? Or getting a friend to talk to her?
>>
There is a missing piece to this picture. Not contributing financially and going to school online are not sufficient to make a woman "angry all the time."
Be honest - you've been bitching at her about the fact that she doesn't bring in money, much more than just a single discussion about books.
We need the whole story to give good advice.
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>>591507320
Been together for a long time before this. Im 33 and she is 30. Dont know about that. And the books are just a peice of the expenses. I just got mad that she wants more money for her school when she is supposed to be a stay at home mom
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>>591507908
>when she is supposed to be
lel
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>>591507445
Tried to tell the story. Basically built her dream house and then lost it. Did you catch that part?

Ask away.
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>>591507285
This is not a valid goal because it cannot be defined or explained. This is likely part of your problem: you need to be able to ask her for something specific and reasonable, not "to be cool again."
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>>591507908
shes going to a big 10 school with aspirations of being a stay at home mom?

nope, shes after a job

you and her are not on the same page

communicate with her about these two things
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>>591508635
So you built the house and then you lost it, and through all of that she was doing nothing but raising children? I get that but it isn't sufficient to explain angry all the time. Man, if she's really always pissed at you then there is something you are still doing... even if it's refusing to apologize or some bullshit like that.
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>>591508219
Well that was the agreement. Her facebook page says manager of the "name" house
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>>591507908
Looks like she is not happy being a "stay at home Mom" and you are -right- in that age bracket where she is in the mood to shack up with one of her professors.

Better get your ducks in a row. Buy the damned books. Make her think that -you- think her going to school is the best idea ever. Provided she's not wasting the tuition on a women's studies degree, encouraging her to get in the workforce and be productive for the family should, -should- go a long way to mollifying her sense of self worth.

Sounds like a lot, I know, but cheaper than fighting a losing battle in divorce court
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>>591507908
tell her to get a job... most people who go to college work too... i know i fuckin do
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>>591508979
No, now that all the kids are in school she could work during the day.
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>>591509025
She just won't let go of everything i have ever done wrong. Like the house. I didn't want to not be able to pay for it.
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>>591509862
damn sounds like my girlfriend now, glad i'm not married yet
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>>591509102
Its online and her brick and mortar school is 275 miles away. Not worried about a prof.
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>>591509862
Aha! This is the real problem. Her books/school is just a temporary flashpoint. Even if she dropped out tomorrow of her own free will, she'd be pissed about something else next week. These other gents are missing the point, and maybe you are too, but you MUST move beyond the most recent fight to the real, core issues in your relationship.

In order to do that, you need a good sense of what those core problems are. I doubt you do; women usually keep that shit to themselves because that's just what they do. You need to clear some time with her when you and she will not be bothered, sit down, and have a long talk about where you are and where you're going as a couple.
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>>591510078
It never was like this. When we got together she kinda creeped me out once in a while by saying she could never leave me no matter what i did. If you girl is like this now i would watch out.
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>>591507908
You need to communicate your woman, bro. She doesn't want to be a stay at home mom. Besides, this education will provide you with more $$$ in the future. Unless she's majoring in a shit field like Woman's Studies.
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>>591510410
Have tried this, and tried it with a councilor. It goes fine for a bit then suddenly turns to shit. So i guess how do i get her to let go of the past?
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>>591510410
In preparing for the conversation, you should sit down and get yourself clear on what you really want out of this relationship - that is, what behaviors you would like her to change. You need to be specific and you cannot blame her - so no "just be cool" and no "why won't you let things go." I'm talking real doctor Phil crap here, like "it hurts me when you say things like x, so can we work on being more positive instead?"

Then, during the conversation, you need to not fight and not get defensive. If it turns into a fight then you lose your chance to learn what's really bothering her. You need to be at your most accepting and understanding, take mental notes when she says something you don't like, and bring it up later if you must.
>>
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
>>
Sounds like something is making her pissed. Could be just that she's tired of being a stay at home mom, could be other things or a combo.

It sounds you should get her in on the finances or she is just an idiot when it comes to budgeting. If the $ is tight then the $ is tight and food, mortgage, kids, bills are more important than her schooling books in the near future. That said, the quicker she finishes schooling (or at least progresses), as long as she actually finds work then you have 2 income earners in the house which will help things out a lot. There will be incurred expenses too I assume like child care since she won't be home, but those should be all offset by having more $ coming in.

If her parents hate you sometimes that is unavoidable and may not be fixable but if she is confiding in them more than you then it sounds like you 2 have some issues with communication that need fixing or shit is going to blowup.

You can't really be blamed for losing your 'dream house'. Many businesses fail, we just had the worst recession in almost a century and your wife isn't working. If this is an underlying reason for these people hating on you then it sounds like they have some issues.
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>>591510733
She DOES want to be a stay at home mom. That is the problem i think. And larger than that is necer letting go of a single thing that went wrong in the last how many years
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>>591510549
Luckily she's said if I make one more big mistake she won't stay with me so I don't have to worry about that creepy shit. Sorry I can't offer any advice for your situation
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>>591510968
Well, what happens when it turns to shit? I don't mean "tell me who's fault it is and why," I mean what warning signs are there? Does she start talking in a certain way? Does she get angry or defensive? Does she leave the room?

Is there a certain topic or line of reasoning that sends everything over the edge?

Do you think she might be reacting to you? Is it you who sends things off the rails?
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>>591505474

It's simple dude you provided for her from the begining, the life she enjoyed is now over and she wants to move into the workplace. if you were upset about her not contributing financialy, you should have done something about that a long time ago. You are living above your means and it's because you planned poorly. You reap what you sew.
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>>591506884
Intelligent people.
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>>591511075
Agreed major Payne.

Just download the books. It's not like she reads them anyway. Also, as for her attitude. Let it go for her. Walk away from arguments and just deal with her shitty attitude. Just let her be mad or angry but don't reinforce it by arguing back with her. Be as positive as you can and keep moving forward.
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>>591511209
Ok, here's the thing about "never letting go" - it's nonsense. Women have long memories, but that isn't the problem. The bottom line is that there will always be an endless pool of crap for her to throw at you when she is angry, so what you need to discover is why she is angry. What is making her want to dig up your past and beat you with it?
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>>591511209

If she wants to be a stay at home mom and is pissed about you not being able to budget for her books and school shit and she doesn't plan to get a job after school then she's an idiot and needs to learn how finances work. Like I said above you may want to have her take a looks at the books with you and budget accordingly and if she is still pissed she has no financial sense.
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>>591510187
I've heard of people driving farther to cheat. Makes it more of an adventure.

Not saying this will happen but she is in that age bracket where a lot of women do.

Simple fact is, she ain't happy. That old saying about happy wife=happy life is true. Like >>591510410 said
>you MUST move beyond the most recent fight to the real, core issues in your relationship.

Getting her to open up about that is NOT going to be easy. Women still expect us to be mind readers 90% of the time and if you can't read her mind she will convince herself it's because you don't care enough about her. That's when they start looking for someone who will.

Better get on this, OP. You think money is tight now, imagine paying for ALL the shit you are now AND your own apartment and utilities.
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Why the hell are your 4 kids in private school??! Maybe that's why you're struggling with money. Put the kids in public school save $$$$
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>>591511387
Not living above my means at all. Dug myself out of the forclosure and debt issues from a few years ago. Cars are paid for and run a moderate credit card balance arou d 2k. Good advice tho
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>>591506884
Everyone that's dealt with a women should get a prenup just for communicating with them.
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>>591511345
Off the rails.... that is her exact words for how she describes me. Lol. I used to engage. Lately i drive a few blocks and hang out for a few minutes so there is less drama for the kids. Tonight did the se thing when i posted this. Now im lying in bed and she had a glass of water on my night stand waiting for me. I guess im just wondering if anyone else deals with this bipolar crap
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>>591505474
hate to say it bro, but the second she finishes her degree she is divorcing you
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>>591505474
pirate books noob, im a freshmen and even i know that
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You have to kill her OP, it;s the only way, what does she study?
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>>591512607
I'm pretty sure you are close. I'm thinking more along the lines of when she gets a job
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>>591512776
She's a moral bitch when it comes to that. Tried
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>>591512806
if she waits until she gets a job she will have to share her income with you
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>>591505474
Been in a stable relationship for less time than you, so i can't say it's the ultimate fix, but i've found that humility is the best option. You don't always have to win, you don't have to tell her when she's wrong. No human ever likes being told they're wrong, and she'll likely just get mad. So don't push her, or make her feel like she's doing something wrong. She probably feels as confused and scared and unsure as you do, just try to remember when your relationship started and how much you truly loved her. Just be humble and let her win a little, you don't always have to stand up for yourself, your job is to stand up for her and your kids, then yourself.
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>>591511209
Why is she going to school then? That shits expensive
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>>591512806
look man, you need to do some major self reflecting. stop looking to her for reason. take some time evaluate your relationship with her, how it was in the good times. figure out how you used to act and what changed.
the world is our mirror, the sooner you learn that the easier to understand it will be
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shouldn't have gotten married shouldn't have gotten kids. I warned you man. I warned you about the stairs
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>>591512069
if the public schools are Shit Don't do this, invest in your kids' future
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>>591512920
>download pirated pdfs
>tell her you bought online books cuz cheaper
>???
>profit?
Thread posts: 54
Thread images: 5


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