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Embarrassing stories thread continued >be around 17 or 18

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 147
Thread images: 10

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Embarrassing stories thread continued

>be around 17 or 18
>staying at grandma's house
>start searching through her drawers and find a dildo
>looks like she fuckin carved it herself out of wood and waxed it
>before I know it I'm fapping furiously while gagging myself with grandma's homemade dildo
>all of a sudden I hear front door close and her yell out "Constantin I'm home!"
>panic and pull up pants and throw dildo across room
>smashes picture frame holding photo of my dead grandpa
>she comes running to see what happened
>"constantin are you okay??"
>"yeah grandma. Fine"
>sees broken frame on floor
>her waxed wooden dildo lying nearby, wet with my saliva
>quietly picks up both and then says "I have another frame in the loungeroom"
>never mentions dildo
Where's the rest of the people?
I hoped this thread would continue. Bamping.
OP from the first thread here.
im still here

im a girl btw
>be 14
>see the dog licking up food from floor
>get an idea
>put some ketchup on asshole and get down on all fours
>after some help the dog starts licking my Àsshole
>start fapping
>JUST as I cum I hear my dad scream "CONSTANTIN!"
>I jump up and see him standing at the doorway, mouth wide open and face bright red with rage
>I stand there trying to hide boner
>pants still on floor
>cum dripping from hand
>get beaten with belt for 10min straight

Sometimes fap my dad hitting me with belt
Obvious newfag
Been here for 14 months

Not really taking off this time, is it?
>12 years old
>taking shower
>get idea and stick dick in shampoo bottle
>get boner and bottle won't come off
>panic and slip and fall
>dad walks in
>MFW dad has to help me get bottle off
>be 19
>got this new maid about 17 6/10
>1 day home alone searching for undies
>phone rings, it's God
>went to church next sunday
>never mention masturbation
>be 21
>have friend who I suspect is gay
>total bro and I don't care he's gay (of course)
>one day he says "I bet you I can make you cum from a blowjob"
>bet him 10 bucks he can't
>blows me for 15 or 20 mins
>don't even get close to cumming
>win bet
>he pays and says "Constantin, I knew you weren't gay!"
>don't know how to feel about it...
Give love a chance

I love you, man.
I love you too man

>be 11
>walk into principles office
>nobody home
>start to fap
>principle walks in on me spread eagle on his desk
>MFW dad has to pick me up
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>10/10 girl starts convo with me on Facebook starting with she's bored
>didn't know how to resond
>m-my mom won't let me stay on computer any longer
>same 10/10 girl tells me she likes my voice in class
>didn't know how to respond
>r-rely? You t-too!
>same 10/10 girl hugs me suddenly in hallway in front of her friends
>didn't know how to respond
>made a disgusted facial expression
>same 10/10 girl, last time, groped my butt during gym water break when we were alone
>didn't know how to respond
>made a disgusted facial expression

it hurts to think back, I still haven't been in a legitimate relationship until this day
Must have been so embarrassing

Here's mine:

>walk past bathroom
>see through keyhole
>grandma is taking a dump
>get raging boner and have to fap
>I make a strange noise as I cum while watching grandma
>she says "Constantin is that you?"
>accidentally say "no, grandma"
Is your name Constantin?
>be -3days
>in dads ballsack
>starting major star wars like between my arch-spernemie
>all sperms die
>become the only one
>dad cums clear,only me in it
>born 9 months later
>fap in the doctors face while he asks whats my name
>get a life full of awkward stories in 4chan
I think you're me.
>be 5
>playing with link-in-logs
>get an idea
>shove two or three up my bun
>hear parents coming from the other room
>they see me on the floor with the logs in my but
>I have to be rushed to the emergency room for extraction
>local news hears about it
>goes viral
>tfw I'm cursed with sexual humiliation for the rest of my life
>be me
>be 13
>home alone with dog
>very horny
>starts dryhumping dog because its asshole is too small for my dick
>do this for like 30 minutes
>finishes on the floor
>let dog lick the jizz
>dog goes in a corner of the house and barks at me if i try to get close
>parents come home
>asks what did i do to the dog
>i say some kids trew a firecracker and it got scared
>they buy it
>repeat this a few more times over a span of a few weeks until i realise it's fucked up
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Reminds me of my story

>have school talent show
>decide I'm going to do a dance with my friend (2 men dancing is very popular in my country)
>he starts dancing close than usual, occasionally (accidentally, I think) bumping in to my crotch
>I get a raging boner
>someone from crowd shouts "hahaha Constantin has a boner!"
>whole school starts laughing
>2 days later I see a video on youtube called "bonertin"
>3000+ views
You sick fuck,Constantin
>10 years old
>climb tree in front of house
>start to fap
>postman walks under tree right as I cum
>postman starts screaming
>dad comes outside
>no ice cream for desert

also faggot
Haha haha le epic may may so le funny xD if I keep posting it will stick and I can share with my friends on Facebook
>get on 4chan
>see embarrassing stories thread
>think "fuck it" and post a couple stories
>say my name twice because it relates to the stories
>unusual name so people notice
>now they claim to be me in every fucked up story

Most embarrassing story of my life
>being this new
>be me, 9 years old
>living with grandparents because my parents died when I was younger
>watch Spiderman
>think Im him
>climb my house's roof
>right as Im cumming I scream "DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN"
>My mom was getting home (grocery shopping)
>Looks up and screams "WHAT THE FUCK CONSTANTIN"
>mfw I got grounded for 2 years
whoever this constantin guy is he sure masturbates a lot
Oh yeah he whacks like it's going out of fashion

Maybe it has to do with bananas being a rare item in his country
In elementary school, all the young boys in my neighborhood would mess around with each other...jerk off group sessions...sometimes precum blow jobs.

One day, one of the boys from our group sold us out to a popular kid in school. Mfw whole school knows I sucked a dick and other crazy shit.

They must have forgot or didn't believe it, because by high school, I was a relatively normal beta loser.

Not even gay though. Have kids and wife and fap to straight porn.
Don't even worry, Constantin. Most of us have been there
LOL what the fuck is going on in here
Constantin is jerking it again
Just telling fucked up embarrassing stories

Go on. We know you have one
>being this new to not know that's bait
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>be 16 year old me
>doing alright in school
>have issues with a few teachers
>taking Spanish for my mandatory foreign language
>in Spanish II
>have cringiest teacher in school
>we'll call him Sr. Weaboo
>neck beard, overweight, awkward, sometimes creepy
>one thing that will always haunt me
>every five minutes! he finds a way to say "chisté!"
>I think it means joking or kidding, idk I didn't really learn much Spanish
>"anon, see me after class"
>god dammit sr. Weaboo
>becomes infamous for his chistés
>we would gamble on how long he would go without saying it.
>start saying cheesesteak
>start trying to beat him at his own chisté
>I began saying cheesesteak whenever possible to him
>señor year rolls around
>time for a senior prank
>stalk him for a week to learn his habits
>he gets coffee every day at steerbooks
>every morning he leaves it unattended to check his mailbox in another room
>place a little chunk of cheesesteak by coffee
>next day, cheesesteak on door handle
>then on his car
>then on his doorstep
>he stops coming to school
>learn he doesn't even lock his house
>sneak in during the night and put cheesesteak on his counter
>then his staircase
>then outside his bedroom
>then on his nightstand
>one night decide it's time to put cheesesteak on his sleeping body
>open his door to find him waiting with a shotgun
>get 90 days for stalking
>get expelled and denied graduation
I just found out he still works at the school.
Pic related, it's Sr. Weaboo.
>be constantin
>be gay
Lol you just took my bait
You must made that shit thread somewhere else
>be me
>be poopin in the toilet
>taking big dump, feels nice on my bumhole
>getting a stiff willy
>start jerkin it
>forgot to lock door
>dad walks in
You sir are an enormous faggot
>Childhood friend confesses to me after probably months of planning
>Don't want to be in a relationship with her
>Tell her I'm gay
Goddamit Constantin. Get off the internet right now and come to my room, we have to talk.
But daaaaaad I'm talking to my friieeenndddsss
it's chiste not chisté, means joke you retarded, non-graduated motherfucker
god fucking dammit Constantin
maybe you shouldnt masterbate so much Constantin
>junior in highschool.
>cutie 7/10 invited me to her house to do acid with her and her gfs. This is the week after she kissed me on the lips at school.
>show up with bro and we all drop acid.
>2hrs l8r and I'm peaking as fuck
>bass drop stomach pain...must shit now.
>unimaginable foul stench looms in bathroom as I empty bowels.
>pray to based god she doesn't see me come out of bathroom.
>open bathroom door
>she's standing there waiting to use bathroom.
>tripping too hard to tell her no, don't go in there.
>Mfw she comes out and won't make eye contact with me for the rest of the night.
shoulda pooped before hand nigger
Settle down

I am not a native speaker


>hear sister call my name and say she's leaving
>time to fap
>can't find any good porn so go to her room
>find her dirty socks but can't find panties
>socks will have to do
>start fapping while laying on her floor
>here someone outside calling my name
>ignore it as this is an awesome fap
>hear my name again
>keep fapping
>get a text but ignore and finally cum buckets
>look at text
>it's my neighbour saying he can see me laying on the floor as I'm reflected in sisters giant mirror
>never text Constantin back or speak to him again
It wasn't one I was holding onto, hoss.

That shit came out of nowhere.
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>parents died
>mom getting home
Only hole in his story, you say?
Fucking constantin your're fucked up. Keep them coming.
i perferred the last thread
I was young, horny and constantinly jerking it

We all have regrets
Yeah it was pretty solid

If only some of those fags contribooted mow
Isn't that just a different version of the far superior pineapple story?
>The awkward moments when attractive girls talk to you and you assume they're messing with you and you have no idea how to autism
Why what? Don't understand
>be in class sophmore year
>sitting in english class about to sleep
>suddenly crumpled ball of paper hits me
>turn around
>it was a qt girl
>another guy saw and says "you just gonna let her do that?"
>shrug and ignore
>she throws another again
>her face says "bring it"
>suddenly whole class says "oooooh"
>same guy asks me why i am a pussy
>feel pressured to do something
>stand up and approach her
>whole class laughing and excited
>trying to look alpha
>she stands up and says "what?"
>throw a punch
>she grabs my hands and judo throws me
>whole class bursts laughing
>try to wipe tears while face is still hidden on the carpeted ground
>teacher yells "Constantin stop messin around and sit down!"

man. grow.
>Be me
>Knock up my girlfriend
>Decide to man up and stay with her
>The day finally comes
>I have a son
>I love it more than I've ever loved anything in my life
>gf decides to give it some gay ass Turkish name
>gf falls asleep holding baby
>Leave to get some coffee
>Come back in to see the baby groping my gf's boobs
>Dropkick the little shit for making a move on my woman
>Wife insists it was just hungry
>Fastforward a few years
>Kid won't fucking stop masturbating all the time
>Walk in on the dog licking the kid's asshole one day
God damnit Constantin I should have finished you off the day you were born
Why would you do that to your dog
Why would you use ketchup
I don't know. I wanted to feed him a snack as he seemed hungry but it wasn't his dinner time

I usually put ketchup on all his food so I know he likes it

Why not?
because that's one of the things Jesus doesn't forgive you for

See you in hell Constantin
Fucking made my day. Cracked up so hard

Thanks for the tough love though. I appreciate it, dad.
But grandma, he was hungry

It wasn't even the good ketchup. I'd never use the good stuff.
So Constantin did you fuck your grandma? And also post pics of her Constie
Shutup, I know you masturbated to me beating you you little freak

Don't come home for thanksgiving
>Not slathering your asshole in Heinz 52 varieties
>13 years old
>giving my dad his weekly blowjob
>accidentally use teeth
>"What the fuck Constantin you are so terrible at sucking dick, you fucking loser"
>I wanted to fall into the ground from embarrassment
>be me
>on vacation in the Czech Republic
>with girlfriend and her parents
>the four of us get on a crowded tour bus
>traveling in the countryside
>suddenly start shitting in my pants out of fucking nowhere
>get the driver to stop
>jump over a small stone wall, squat and continue shitting diarrhea
>without getting off the bus he threw a ton of napkins at me
>go to my grandfathers grave with my grandma
>we tell him we love him and both sit on the grass crying
>grandma tells me it's okay and he's in a better place and hugs me
>instant boner
>so ashamed I recoil a bit
>she looks at me shocked but pulls me in tighter
>she smells like wet flannels, baby powder and mothballs
>I no longer care she's my grandma
>I reach under her dress and start stroking her pussy through her stockings
>she moans
>hear a muffled voice coming from the ground say "god dammit constantin"
>make up excuse as to why I can't finish grandma off and get up to leave
Napkins...don't throw very well

My head is fill with an image of you in a squatting position with your pants around you ankles walking around frantically trying to pick up napkins but I don't know what you look like so you're the green picture unavailable 4chan guy
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>be me
>cry and go to sleep
dude thats a dick sucking name
>implying that's the good stuff

I don't even slather that on the dog's asshole, let alone my own
>Be me
>Browsing /b/
>See someone posted my daily routine in a thread
>Freak out and think someone's messing with me
>mfw I'm just pathetic
>Cry myself to sleep
>Be me, be four year old dog.
>Minding own business in kitchen, snuffling leftovers from floor.
>Master's idiot son comes in.
>Ignore him.
>He puts ketchup on his asshole.
>Chow down.
>MFW master comes home.
>Not ordering gallons of artisinal ketchup for dog coitus
>be me
>lifelong severe anxiety and OCD
>develop worry that i will shit pants any time i get in a car
>becomes a reality
>have jumped out of cars at 4-way intersections into bushes shitting and wiping ass with leaves
>wore diapers in my teens and twenties
>took tremendous amounts of imodium
>asshole partially sticks out and has lumps from forcing myself to shit so hard before getting in car for 30 years
>17 years old
>volunteering in local homeless shelter
>before going home I do my usual "let homos run a train on me"
>about fifth hobo in
>I suddenly shart all over him
>everyone stops what they were doing
>complete fucking silence
>"Constantin what the fuck" yells the sharted hobo
>"Suck him clean! Suck him clean! ..." everyone starts chanting
>mfw when I had to suck him clean in front of everybody
>never speak of this again
>never get a train run on me in the shelter again
>mfw when no face
>me, 3 days ago
>wife's gram walks into our room
>talks about circumcision
>ends up talking about baby boners
> mentions baby's have dry orgasms
>tells my wife and i she used to jerk off my wifes uncle
>"he always napped great after that"
>mfw this post
I lost my reaction folder but rest assured I would have attached an image to my post that indicates hearty laughter at your amusing, albeit false, story
>You mother in law will never jerk off your infant self
Why even live
your name could also be bob
Jesus Christ. This shit has me crying with laughter. We struggled at first but I'm Fkn dying now

Source: I'm Constantin
Stop masturbating

Source: Me and your mother are in the next room
>nearly 2016
>not making your own family recipe with grandma
Nigga do you even Constantin?
>Year of our lord 2079
>Not masturbating in the homemade ketchup and serving it to your family to achieve sexual satisfaction
His dad didn't even turn out to be the bus driver, what a faggot
>16 years old
>in adult bookstore
>this middle aged man keeps looking at me
>I get a hint
>walk up to him and say "Hi, I am Constantin do you want me to suck your dick"
>start sucking, playing with his balls, licking his shaft
>he moans in pleasure
>"Deepthroat it"
>I never deepthroated, but thought what the hell I will give it a try
>swallow his whole dick, suddenly I start gagging hard
>throw up on his dick
>"Constantin WHAT THE FUCK!!"
>never talked about it again
>not allowed to enter that bookstore again
>implying it's false

Congrats to him. Best story so far. Absolutely lost it at "my usual..."
Be me,

>was dating a scenekid nutcase
>valentines day, we are waiting for friend to be picked up by her date
>friend gets stood up
>ex says 'why don't you join us for dinner'
>2 hours into dinner starting to suspect friends date wasn't real
>decided i couldn't give 2 shits
>ex and friend are talking about valentines day
>ex says to me 'tbh Constantin, i would rather spend valentines with my friends than my boyfriend
>paid for dinner
>bitch didn't even let me smash

That night i took a MASSIVE revenge shit in her toilet which blocked it for 7 hours (5 flush monster)
Constantin you're one sick bastard! OP is an true sickfuck
Yeah that part was funny
>your daily routine will never include hobos running train on you
Thanks man, first time green texting, you just made my day
will mastrubate to your comment/10
God damnit Constantin
I enjoyed this post because you implied that the post was sexually gratifying, even though there was nothing immediately sexual about he nature of his comment.
Whatta jokester
No worries. You killed me.

Green text it later. Make sure to get caught in the act
Excuse me I am sexually aroused by letters, it is called Hybristophilia, you just triggered me
God dammit Constantin

Is there ANYTHING that doesn't arouse you??
>be at school
>forgot to pack lunch
>mom noticed
>sends lunch to school
>in a fucking bread bag
>the fucking plastic bag that bread comes in
>gets handed to me in class
>kid shouts out in the back of the class "I fucking love Wonder bread!"

Fuck having foreign parents
>On 4chan because I have no friends
>Develop a strong bond with another poster in a thread about embarrassing stories
>He finally works up the courage to tell me that I should kill him
>Sad because I have to kill him, but happy to help my first real friend
>Backtrace his IP with the help of the cyber police and the state police
>Sneak into his house at night
>Find his bedroom
>Strip naked and slather myself in ketchup like I know he likes
>Knife in one hand, penis in the other
>About to climax
>Raise the knife above my head
>Suddenly his closet door bursts open
>It's my dad
>Accidentally stab him
>Triggers a body shaking orgasm
>Get my cum in his stab wound
>mfw I'm HIV positive
>"God damnit Constantin!" he screams at me
>mfw no dessert until I find a cure for HIV
>was at home
>was on line
>get horny
>buy double headed dragon dildo

True story
Constantin is now a meme
Fairly certain your neighbor has been peeving on your sis
>19 years old
>posting my embarrassing stories on /b/
>this one guy really really really lieks my story
>my dick gets semi hard
>start fapping in hope it will get fully erect
>see pringles can on table
>start sliding it up my ass
>halfway in my ass and I am fully erect
>start mastrubating furiously
>just when I was cumming door opens
>"Constantin what the fuck"
>it is my mum
>try to hide boner and clean cum
>no tissue nearby
>decide to lick it off quickly
>"Constantin please stop"
>start crying "Sorry mum"
>I spat a while talking
>cum ends up in my mums wide open mouth
>never speak about again
hey stop it you imposter you are not me

Did you use it
Shh you'll rek it!


Seriously though, I want Constantin to see his name in fucked up stories on /b/ and be like "god dammit Constantin. Why'd you have to post your name??"

One day we will find him again and we will get proof it is him

>no one knows I'm actually Constantin
>pretend to be somebody else online because it's my fetish
>Start masturbating furiously
>He calls me out on it
>That's my ultimate fantasy
>Hornier than ever
>Only thing in my room is my computer
>Shove the computer tower up my ass
>Halfway in and I'm rock hard, about to cum
>"Wtf Constantin"
>Turn around and see my mom staring at me
>Never talk about it again
>mfw my mother still uses that computer
>I'm Spartacus!
>I'm Spartacus!
>The neckbeard in the back with the Naruto headband pipes up
>"I'm Constantin"
>Gets a chuckle out of all the kids who were chosen last for Gladiator training
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damn this thread is good, who knew there were so many Constantins on /b/
There should be a /constantin/ board to keep up with demand

Or maybe a ConstantinMingles site where like-minded Constantins can meet other Constantins
>Desperately lonely
>Can't get a date
>Hear about this new site for people like me
>Boot up browser
>Find a match
>Setup date
>Super excited
>Night finally comes
>My first ever date goes great
>Go back to my place
>We start fooling around
>Date is elbow deep in my asshole
>"God damnit Constantin"
>Date whips around, causing my asshole to tear
>mfw I have to sit there and watch as my date's dad beats him within an inch of his life and takes away his xbox privileges while my asshole gushes blood
7/10 we're going out again
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The only embarrassing thing about this is that your name is Constantin
today, a new meme was born. congrats constantin, you're famous now
Wtf? That was you??

What are the odds!

Btw I'm really sorry about my dad. He gets jealous and overreacts whenever me and other guys are fisting and he's not involved. That's why he had the dog and the ketchup - he thought it was a weekday
>What are the odds!
Well there's sox million Constantins on that site so
1 in six million
>Turkish name
>be me
>desperately horny
>hear about this site for people like me
>find a match
>setup date
>super excited
>date goes awful, he is boring as fuck
>stick trough it hoping I will get some
>go back to his place
>We start to fool around
>"Turn around I will surprise you"
>start fisting, going deeper and deeper
>soon I am elbow deep in the sweet Constantins asshole
>rock hard
>start jerking it off
>about to ask him for a blowjob
>his dad walks in
>"God damnit Constantin"
>I whip around in fear, tear his asshole
>blood everywhere
>his dad almost beats me to death
>wake up from coma 6 months later
>check my messages
>it is Constantin
>he wants another date, and he forgives me that he lost his xbox privilege because of me
5/10 going out again cause I am horny
This is gold
Save pics my friend. They're all yours.

I will copy paste the greentexts every now and then to locate my fellow constantins.
Like the city but with less letters

Although I guess his name's Istanbul now
>go on my favorite website
>/b/ board
>see this thread about embarrassing stories
>Oh lol op has the same name as me
>read through stories
>everyone on /b/ is Constantin
>I am Constantin
>I am meme
>we are meme
nah bro. I'm too lazy to save them
Thread posts: 147
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