please /b/ help me kill myself painlessly. how do i do it

>>586163050
Gunshot to the heart
Don't miss.
Watch it rain...

>>586163050
Hold breath.

>>586163253
i dont have a gun. im thinking more along the lines of pills and sleeping forever

step off platform in front of express train. sofukin quick.

nitrogen gas

stab yourself to death with a spoon

>>586163050
Don't be a faggot and kill yourself. Join the military, make your death useful.

>>586163547
not bad but no express trains around here

>>586163725
not a bad idea actually

Walk up behind group of cops, grab one of their guns.

Die sleeping from old age

>>586163786
"useful"

anyway that takes time i want to die within the next few days

>>586163494
Fuck load of Ambien, plastic bag on head. Good night sweet prince.

>>586163050
fart into jar, close lid quickly
repeat x 1000
open jar
inhale
X_X

raise car on carjack that has quick release.

Place head under tire.

hit quick release.

Carbon monoxide. Sit in your running car in your garage with no ventilation. As the gas builds up you'll fall asleep and as long as no one finds you you'll die.

>>586164052
wont look like an accident
>>586164080
also wont look like an accident

>>586163494
The irony is unless it's some really good shit you'll just be awake all night surging with adrenaline because of what you just did.

>>586164230
ok this here is gold thank you based anon now i can die in peace

turn on tv
watch fox news

>>586164309
What the fuck you need it to look like an accident for? It doesn't fucking matter what it looks like if you're dead.

>>586163955
Naw, don't die in the next few days, think it over, man. I was in the same boat, joined the Navy. Got my leg fucked up, but damn does living feel better when you risk it.

>>586164230
actually there's a busted window in my gargerager so ill need to do the thing with the hose right?

>>586163050
An hero and stream it

make fake bomb vest, goto primary school and start yelling loudly at children.

>>586164676
i dont want to spend any more time alive. i've lived my life to it's extent and just need it to be over. there's nothing left i want to do that i can do. co2 ftw

>>586164691
how to stream

>>586164686
Will definitely look like an accident.
"looks like he was getting ready to feed his plants with that delicious CO, if only he had remembered to open the garage door first."

>>586164861
http://youtu.be/3OKXiRiN6wI?t=48s

>>586164964
Get on Ustream with a webcam and make an account.

>>586164988
Carbon monoxide is not carbon dioxide plant food.

>>586164914
>carbon monoxide
>co2
so you want to kill yourself because you're retarded?

>>586164686
Yeah probably. Gotta be an older car too. Emissions regulations on newer cars means less CO output. You could also set up something like a charcoal stove in a tent. Just google CO suicide.

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>>586164309
op confirmed for faggot

Headline from the Daily Mail: "Man scrawls suicide note on side of van then DECAPITATES himself by tying a rope around his neck and attaching it to a fire hydrant before driving off".

It was messy but I imagine it was painless because it was over in a small fraction of a second.

>>586163050
How do you do that with the picture? It looks like one the WinXP glitches

go to top of skyscraper. make video. "man look this view, just wow!" drop camera onto ledge where police can find it. jump to freedom

>>586164230
Anything post 85 won't produce enough C02 or C0 to put him to sleep. The car would shut off first.

>>586165602
That's been addressed:
>>586165190

>>586165521
nope, how long does it take for you to choke somebody out? Because that's how long the head stays conscious for when separated from the body.

>>586165589
i actually wish i knew
>>586165190
i've got a '99 hopefully thats old enough
>>586165322
probabibily
>>586165188
yes
also dont give a fuck you know what i meant so why does it matter

>>586165602
fuck.

FUCK

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>>586165188
Well, he is asking /b/ for help on killing himself

Hold breath in full bathtub

>get a toy gun, or better, replica
>remove the orange cap.
>sneak up behind cop
>say "time to die, pig"

>>586165881
>also dont give a fuck you know what i meant so why does it matter
it fucking matters because knowledge is what leads to success, dumbass
knowing the difference between CO2 and CO is a start, so don't give me that "so if I know the difference I'll get a billion dollars hurr durr" bullshit.
learn your fucking chemistry, then come back to /b/

go to the ghetto shouting "niggers"

>>586165929
Dude:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charcoal-burning_suicide

>>586166202
you think he's really gonna do it?
no faggot on /b/ has enough balls to kill themselves

>>586166549
Still CO poisoning.

>>586166449
if he knew chemsitry he would have made this shit thread, he would have already been able to kill himself quick and painlessly.

>>586166685
I feel clarity knowing it was a dumbass killing himself rather than someone that matters. Good point.

>>586166841
>>586166575
>>586166449
why should i know my chemistry when all i do is go work some shitty job, fap, and wish for a good life some day /b/

>>586167116
im going to kill myself anyway so why bother learning

>>586166841
lol dont even know what clarity means

>>586166685
i knew chemistry in 10th grade when i learned it for no great purpose whatsoever. then drugs happened then i stopped caring about being "correct" for autistic anons

>>586167116 # make it newsworthy

>>586167202
So you wanted to kill yourself in high school, too?
Or maybe since your job is shit, you dropped out of school? Put some fucking effort into living before you make a decision you can't take back.

>>586167551
open to suggestions. i'll get /b/ inserted somehow if possible

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>>586166575
Even if he does try to do it he will most likely he fail at it and end living to 90 or something.

>>586167533
"no great purpose whatsoever"
what if you wished to become a chemist?
school is basically covering all of the jobs, teaching you the foundation of them, so you don't grow up and have no fucking clue how to do anything.

"man decapitates 12 toddlers at daycare before shooting himself"

you could always just drink yourself to death

>>586167631
no i want the an hero because my life is shit. my job is actually pretty easy and everything im just sick of living my life

>>586167921
>attempts to kill self
>oldest man in the world

>>586163050
Jump into the ocean and take a deep breath

>>586168122
>nobody

>>586168104
so you're emo.
good job, you're a liar and a pussy.

>turn gas on
>lie on floor
>wait 5 mins
>light a match

>>586168008
raising a generation of helpless sociopaths like me and unleashing blissfully stupid people upon the internet

>>586163050
Are you fucking retarded? As if how much pain you go through in death matters. You're going to die, you feel nothing afterwards.

>>586168403
that's your own fucking fault.

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>>586168252
oh gursh he called me an emo

go back to middle school and just let me have this

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>>586168022
Man beaten to death by 12 toddlers at an daycare.
Fixed

>>586168692
>middle school

>>586168719
no something better like "streaker covered in feces at miley cyrus concert lights self on fire before detonating"

>>586168916
>diddle school

OP, if you're going to go, you need to cause some chaos when you go.

I recommend dressing as a cop and killing a bunch of nigger children. Or, alternately, shouting "ALLAH ACKBAR!" before killing children randomly.

>>586169159
i'm white so that could be good for a last lol

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just dont

so we have a white, faggot, emo OP asking for suicide tips because not creative enough? no wonder the shit job

Stream it nigga

>>586168917
He would not do that at an miley cyrus concert, he said he wanted to die painlessly.

>>586169540
60% of my motivation for going through with it is the FAGGOTS that actually have a life that say don't do it like some fucking self righteous idiot that's forgotten theyre anon

>>586169673
white, straight, suicidal OP with an average length penis, average face, average build in the middle class with an extremely average life all the way across the board. you wouldnt want to kill yourself too? im completely alone. no friends anymore. no gf. family hates me.

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OP how do we know you'll follow through

>>586169332

Do it. Just get a knife and start stabbing people in public while screaming "ALLAHU ACKBAR!" Make it look like an Islamic terror attack for maximum lulz.

You won't even have to shoot yourself. The police will shoot you.

>>586165854
as soon as the arteries are severed the blood pressure in the brain drops to zero and you become unconscious immediately

>>586170384
i need from /b/ something of high quality that will get entertaining results, including my death. thats enough to make me driven to go through with it. i'll post or something to keep you all updated. this weekend most likely.

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>>586163050
mfw guy wants to commit suicide painlessly

>>586170981

Dress up as a cop, hijack a bus filled with nigger children, and drive it into your nearest nuclear power plant.

>>586171198
way too long of a drive but a big bang of some sort would be fun
>>586171158
i take back the painlessly part if its something newsworthy

1. Get kitchen knife.

2. Go to nursery/hospital.

3. Stab newborns.

4. Stab nurses.

5. Put ISIS flag up.

6. Get shot by police.

7. ????

8. PROFIT!

>>586171509
call me a faggot but really not into stabbing

>>586171509
shooting though.. i'd do that but with a gun i'd probably just shoot myself

>>586171460
Yes

>>586171766

Do you have access to guns? Even better.

Shoot a bunch of babies (at a nursery or hospital) and scream "allah ackbar" and put up an ISIS flag. Then shoot yourself or get shot by police.

Throw molotov cocktails at your local police station.