i banged a lot of prostitutes while I was in high school
> parents want me to understand an honest days work > get first job > making shit money but think i'm baller as shit now > invite friends over to parents basement to play all the games i bought with my first paycheck > when we're there everyones miring me money > i fucking love me money > I seriously did the snow angel thing with $5 bills on my bed > dad and mom are yelling upstairs > dad walks downstairs while we're talking about girls > "don't get a serious gf guys, they'll just suck all your money away." > he walks out basement door > gay guy in the group, Corey goes "yeah who needs girls eh guys? we got eachother" > "fuck off corey you homo" said Ben > somehow through that conversation we came to the idea that we should "rent" a prostitute > so we grabbed a newspaper and took our bikes to the 7-11 about 5 blocks away > "check the classifieds" said Ben > we were all slurping our slurpees while Chris flipped the pages > "holy shit fellas, theres actually escorts in here" > Ben nodded then took the phone and motioned for me to hand him quarters > we began calling escorts just based off their ads > most hung up on us when they heard the giggling > until we got to Paige > "tall fit blonde with c cups and tastes like honey" > "wowhohow" said Chris "she sounds great" > "I don't know guys" said Corey being the faggot he was "we shouldnt be doing this." > Ben hands me the phone and I start chatting with Paige > she seems to really like me > "whats she saying?" asked James I tell her I've never done this before..and she tells me to bring the whole crew to this motel by a burgerking to fuck her > "holy fuck" I said as I threw my slurpee at the wall and hurried towards my bike > "saddle up boys...we're getting some pussy, and it's my fucking treat."
> Chris, Ben, James, Corey, and I all bike 5 clicks to the motel by the burger king > we knock on the sketchy motel door and this big black guy answers > "i'm fucking out of here guys" said Corey as he bolts > "yes?" > "ohh I think we have the wron--" > "Are you the boys who I was just speaking to?" > this worn out, but kind of hot whore, walks to the door in a towel > she looks a lot like the picture in post 1 > 6/10 tops > "uhhh.." > "come in, come in. They're fine Jermaine." > the 4 of us go inside the tiny motel room and sit on one of the beds, while Paige and her pimp sit on the other > "how much you kids got?" > "Enough" said Ben as he motioned for me to hand Jermaine the money > I took out my money and started counting it, but Ben just grabbed the whole load and chucked it Jermaines way > Jermaine counts it nods and then tells us that only 1 of us can bang her at a time > Ben goes first while Chris, and James and I wait outside by the ice machine talking about pokemon cards with Jermaine > i shit you not, his kid wanted some for their birthday so we were telling him where to get packs > about 7 minutes later Ben comes out with this sheepish smile, and then I go in > Paige is inside, naked, sitting on the bed, with a smoke in her mouth. > she motions for me to come over > I do > she starts unbuckling my belt and then reaches down and starts to jack me off > she tells me to put on a condom which I do > and then she just half-heartedly bends over and tells me to fuck her until I have to cum > I do so for like 3 minutes > "oh fuck im going to cum" > she turns around takes the condom off my dick and is preparing to shoot fap me off but i but right up her nose > she starts coughing uncontrollably and then starts flailing around until a lamp breaks
> Jermaine storms into the room with a gun aimed right at my fucking head > I thought I was going to die > he then looks at his ho and starts laughing his ass off > "damn nigga...that the impossible snot shot" > the boys come rolling in behind Jermaine and start laughing as they see Paige all red eyed and crying as she tries to wipe away the burning cum sensation > I thanked Paige, she middle fingered me, and then I got dressed and tagged in James > as I waited for James to finish, Ben, Chris and I were sitting on the edge of the motel bannister staring at the moon > Jermaine went downstairs to go buy a soda, so it was just us and the sounds of Paige getting worked by James > "that was my first time" I said smiling > "was it good?" asked Chris > "uhh..." I had to really think about it... it wasn't like how I thought it would be > "it gets better" said Ben, my more girl experienced friend > "oh..." said Chris... "hey Anon..." > "yeah?" > "I'm going to pass on mine okay?" > I nodded > we stared at the sky for a little but longer until a cop car rolled up to the motel without its lights on
> we start banging on the door calling for James to get out now cause the pigs were here > James was too lost in that whore pussy though > so we bolted and left him there > we passed the cops on the stairs > they asked us who we were and Ben and I faked british accents and said we were here for on holiday with our family. > Chris was freaking out > the cops nodded and let us go > we ran to our bikes and then went back to my place to play video games > there was one problem > James got caught > and he ratted us out to the cops
> we didn't find out until the cops were actually at the door talking to my Dad explaining the situation > by this time we were fucked > i just remember Ben and I standing near the front entrance staring out at the cop car while my mom was crying, and there was fucking James in the car looking like a prick > I wanted to beat the shit out of that kid > you never rat out a friend > never > the cops started taking all of our information and started to get freaked out when they found out we were 17 > when the cops said the rest of the parents needed to be involved Chris started to cry > my dad was livid "how could you do something like this?" > they told us to wait in the basement so we did... > for five minutes > "i'm not waiting here... my dad's going to bea the shit out of me when he sees me" > "yeah but..." > "he'll kill me anon" > Ben's dad was an alcoholic, and he actually beat the shit out of him quite often > he sneaks out the basement entrance and Chris and I follow
> "fuck fuck fuck, what are we doing?" says Chris "we should go back... we're going to get in more trouble" > "go back if you want man, I ain't forcing you to come." said Ben > thats when I realized we were just running around the block > Ben was running straight for the fucking cop car parked out in front > we sneak up to the car, and see James crying in the back seat like the snitch he is > Ben starts calling him a little faggot and tries opening the doors to the car but its locked > "you're fucking dead, James" > the cops hear us and come out of my house > "STOP!" > Ben just keeps running under the cover of darkness, Chris and I are standing there in this big moral dilemma > Chris goes back with his hands high in the sky, but for some reason, I keep running with Ben. > my parents found I banged a prostitute, it doesn't get worse than that.
> we eventually stop running when we get to the train station > we board the train, and make our way for downtown > when we get there its just fucking crack city > its like fucking gotham city pre-batman it was so fucking scary > Ben didn't give a shit though he just kept walking trying to think of what the fuck he was going to do > "where we going man?" > "I know a place." > we eventually find outselves in China town, and Ben takes me down a back alley. > He knocks on this one big metal door, and this little asian girl answers, speaks Chinese to Ben to which he nods, and then lets us in > we climb up these big red stairs to the top > pass all these rooms with curtains on the doors and old men banging hot foreign women, and then we get to this big room at the end... > Ben lifts the curtain, > "Hey Mom..."
> what the fuck > I've known Ben for 11 years and I never knew he had a mom > well I knew he had one... I thought she like ran away or something that was the rumour > holy fuck > Ben's mom, the Madam of this establishment, this sexy as fuck woman, she sits us down calmly and asks us why we are here > we tell her the story...and then she nods > "You have to go back to your father, you can't stay here Ben." > "Yes we can..." > "Please mom...he'll kill me." > Ben shows his mom a bruise he got from soccer, I know it was from soccer because I gave it to him > she lets us stay the night but only if we promise to stay in her room > she puts a bright red wig on and then tells us to stay > but we're 17 year old horny kids we're not going to stay
> "your mom's a..." > "shut up..." Ben punches me in the shoulder > "I won't..I won't tell the other guys." > "If you do, I'll kill you." > he was just like his dad in that sense > we watched tv for a bit in his moms room, fucking late night commercials and stuff > but then quickly grew bored > we crept out of the room and decided to take a look around > for a while we just sort of watched people getting fucked from behind the see through curtains > it was really hot > but eventually we couldnt take it anymore so we slipped inside a room > "take my lead" said Ben > there was this little asian woman, no older than 20 inside putting pants back on > "take em off... we paid for the hour." said Ben confidently as he threw off his t shirt > he took off his pants and then starts to kiss the girl > I turned around not wanting to see thinking it was like at the motel > "Anon...c'mere" > he motioned for me to come > the asian girl took my pants and began sucking on my dick, red lipstick still smeared on it from Paige > I got freaked out as Ben started smiling on me so I pulled on my pants and ran back to Ben's mom's room
> I know what you're thinking > he's going to bang Ben's mom > it had crossed my mind > but things dont work out like that > i started watching spongebob and then just fell asleep > I must not have been out for long because Ben wakes me up with a scared look on his face > "we gotta go." > "why? what happened?" > "hurry...same way we came...go...go..." he pushes me out the door > as we're running down the hall I see some whores gathered around what looks like a body on the floor > "Hey!" cries one of the whores, "there he is!" > we fucking gun it to the entrance, and jump almost the full flight of red stairs > I can still feel my knees hurting from that jump > I stop him and slow down... I was freaking out > "what the fuck happened man?" > he calmly gasped for air..."James."
> "what the fuck...how is that woman on the floor because of J--" > "he must have followed us..." > "what the fuck, this isn't fucking james bond..." > "well right after you left...he was in the room with me... and we had a forgiveness threesome." > "a what?" > "a forgiveness threesome." > by this time I think im on candid camera > "anyways we were fucking that girl...and she said something about his small dick and he just go so mad that he choked her out and then ran." > "bullshit...well why were the sluts after you then? they said there he is!" > "I was doing cpr...they mustve thought I did it...you have to believe me..." > but I didn't
> but thats when I saw it... > out of the corner of my eye > James was in the back of a fancy black car with two Japanese guys drinking champaigne > "the fucking Yakuza..." said Ben as he punches the air... "I should have known he was Yakuza." > "what the fuck are you talking about?" > "wait..." > Ben puts his hand on my shoulder, and then pulls at his neck skin, until he pulls off a mask > it's Bill Murray > "I'm an undercover federal marshall investigating a string of murd--" > all of a sudden the black car comes back around and the window rolls down > Ben, I mean Bill, he grabs me and we dive for cover behind a mailbox
> all this time I was friends with Bill Murray, and I didn't even know > this explains why he always had me watch ghostbusters when I was over > we ran through an alley and went to a nearby 24 hour diner > "Look kid... I know this a lot to take in...and you might hate me right now...but my partner died...and you're all I have..." > "Bill..." > "we might not make it...we might die... we..." > "I'm in" I nodded as he passed me a gun he pulled out of his ass
> we rode the train back to the burb and then stole some bikes from some random backyard > and started biking towards James' house > Yakuza HQ > intheairofthenight.mp3 > I ring my bike bell > Bill locks and loads his gun > we pass Becky Chase's house, the girl of my dreams...one year older than me, and the girl I'd crush on for the rest of my life > I remember how she stared at me from her front porch... just looking out at Bill Murray and I... marching towards certain death > when we get to his house > we throw our bikes to the grass and march up James' steps
This actually was an amazing short story til you started the bill Murray nonsense. Particularly when the hooked wound up dead. I was fully transported into the story. Shame it was all for a cheap bill Murray copout.
> a Yakuza henchman comes out of nowhere with an Uzi, Bill does a somersault and then slap chops the jigger to death > two more Yakuza fucks open the front door, Bill shoots both of them in the face and then turns to me and whispers, "no one will ever believe you." > when we get into the house, there's fucking dogs locked in cages in every square inch of the place... > "it's worse than I thought..." said Bill... > "What the fuck are they doing here?" I said as I looked at all the medical equipment
> "Helllllp me...." whispers this fucking weird looking dog thing in the corner... "Hellllllp me anon...." > I walked to the corner cage and stared at this little blonde dog, it's eyes were bloodshot red, its nose was covered in white slime...and she smelt of honey. > "Paige?" > "Heeeelp me boys." > Bill kicks down a Japanese samurai statue, "God damnit...."
>>584042942 HOLD THE FUCKIN PHONE THANK GOD WE HAVE SUCH A FUCKIN GENIOUS DETECTIVE HOLY FUCK CAN YOU USE YOUR DETECTIVE SKILLS TO TELL IS WHAT COLOR THE SKY IS? >he says it's blue HOLY FUCK ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE FOR MR DETECTIVE
WHAT THE FUCK WOULD WE EVER HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU TO TELL US THIS WAS FAKE
HOLY SHIT HERE I WAS CREAMING TO BILL MURRAY AND YOU TELL ME ITS FAKE OMG THANK YOU
> "conter intel wasn't sure but...from what we know...the japanese are transmutating prostitutes into dogs..." > "transmutating?" > Bill Murray nods as he draws a pentagram on the floor and turns the broken samurai statue whole again > "Heeeeellllp me boys.." cries Paige > Bill looks deeply into Paige the dogs eyes, whispers, "we'll always have the motel by burgerking" and then shoots her dead
This thread was amazing when it was a coming of age story turned into a nightmare. When you added Bill Murray it was greatly cheapened and I lost interest.... But I kept reading. Realize it is still a pretty good story in a surrealistic nightmare kind of way. You gotta drop the Bill Murray bit though, it really cheapens the whole thing.
>>584044198 ***YOU HAVE BEEN COUNTERED BY LE DERP**** ***YOU ARE NOW A GREASY USED MALE BUTT PLUG*** ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄▄▄▄▄▄▄░░░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░▄▀▀▀░░░░░░░▀▄░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄░░░░░░ ░░░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░▄▀▀▄▀▄░░░░░ ░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░▄▀░░██▄▀▄░░░░ ░░░▄▀░░▄▀▀▀▄░░░░█░░░▀▀░█▀▄░░░ ░░░█░░█▄▄░░░█░░░▀▄░░░░░▐░█░░░ ░░▐▌░░█▀▀░░▄▀░░░░░▀▄▄▄▄▀░░█░░ ░░▐▌░░█░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█░░ ░░▐▌░░░▀▀▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐▌░ ░░▐▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄░░░░░░▐▌░ ░░▐▌░░░░░░░░░▄░░░░░█░░░░░░▐▌░ ░░░█░░░░░░░░░▀█▄░░▄█░░░░░░▐▌░ ░░░▐▌░░░░░░░░░░▀▀▀▀░░░░░░░▐▌░ ░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█░░ ░░░░▐▌▀▄░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐▌░░ ░░░░░█░░▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
> he holsters his gun, and then laughs... "thats what you get Corey." > "Wait what did you say?" > Bill stops dead in his tracks > "I uhh...nothing...lets go..." > I look at the dead transmutated dog... > Paige wasn't just a whore...she was Corey...our faggot friend it all made perfect sense... > I put my hands on the pentagram on the floor and try to resurrect him... > bill joins in... > but then something happened... > we broke the only sacred rule of alchemy > Bill Murray gets sucked up into the abyss, and Paige/Corey turns into a smouldering pile of ash > I attach Bill to the closest thing I could find... > a fleshlight that belonged to the Yakuza > from that point on... > we swore to kill those responsible for prostitution in our sweet little town > he and I were...the... > FLESH LIGHT ALCHEMISTS
>>584044710 > we broke the only sacred rule of alchemy > Bill Murray gets sucked up into the abyss, and Paige/Corey turns into a smouldering pile of ash > I attach Bill to the closest thing I could find... > a fleshlight that belonged to the Yakuza
> be grade 11 > start up a lawncare business with my friend Billy > we're flush, fucking pimps in our small town highschool, or at least we think we are > trouble is, none of the girls like me > start talking to this one girl, Katie during math class. > she's flunking it, cause she's dumb as shit > asks if I can help her > I agree, and meet her after school > we walk to the fucking shady side of town > her house smells like radishes and cigs > we go in and I start helping her with math > I try and put a move on her when her mom leaves to take her brother to the doctor > but she tells me no > "what about if I paid you?" > she agrees to suck me off for $40 > cutting 2 lawns is what got me my first bj
> word travels fast that I paid Katie for a bj > all the girls make fun of me > most of the guys do too, but they also respect me for getting that suck from Katie > Billy and I mowed like 40 lawns over the weekend, which is 20 bjs for those keeping track at home so I was itching to spend my money > trouble was Katie didnt want to do it anymore cause her friends called her a whore > no one did > so I made up some fake flyers saying I was looking for a "special tutor - $60" > 3 days later I got a call > it was some fat girl from grade 10 > I told her I'd pay her for a bj but since she was fat I'd be cutting her rate to $20 > she agreed on the condition I would be her BF > I agreed > she sucked my dick behind the school > I came in her mouth > and then dumped her
> the school again found out and I got fucking reamed by the principal > "you can't be paying girls for sex, anon. That's not how we do it in the real world." > "okay sir" > next day Katie comes to my locker telling me she needs to buy these tickets to some concert and that she'll suck me for $40 again > "nah, made a promise to the big man." > "god?" > "Mr. Trouba" > "oh...please...I really want to go to this concert..." > she was dirt poor too, you knew she couldnt get her mom to pay for it > "i'll pay for a fucking cd too if you let me stick it in your pussy" > she hesitates for a bit but then agrees > we sneak into the boys bathroom and fuck right there like rabbits > I came in her fucking pussy like a retard and then threw the money at her as she started to scream at me because shes not on the pill > 5 lawns and I fucked a girl
> for some reason the stigma of being a whore seemed to have wore off my entire school because all kinds of girls were coming up to me trying to get me to buy sex from them so they could shop, or save up for college, even just for booze > i was getting my dick in all kinds of girls, hot ones, fat ones, mexicans, fuck I even fucked a black chick for a quarter pounder with cheese. > trouble was, we were going through a dry spell, and fall was in full force > lawns didnt need cutting and I had fucking done the leaves on most of the yards that I could > so I started sneaking off in the middle of the night and sprinkling scotts lawncare on everyones lawn > fucking handfuls of the nitrogen shit > within a few weeks i started getting more calls from clients > which meant I was getting calls from more school sluts > the one call I wasn't expecting, but I should have, was from Katie > "I'm pregnant" > fuck...but I was expecting that > I took her to the clinic and paid for an abortion > 7 lawns for an abortion for those wondering
1/10 of a lawn for a quarter pounder to fuck a black chick for those who're wondering
>I was becoming a regular mac daddy > I was having sex all the fucking time > whenever I wanted it, it was mine... > as long as there was grass... I had ass > fuck, even when it snowed I'd be getting it, cause we had planned on diversifying the business from the start and shovelling walks was part of the biz > however what no one could have accounted for was the fact that I bought a big jug of expired condoms from the convenience store... > within a 2 week span, 4 different girls called me up to tell me I got them pregnant > thats fucking 28 lawns guys, thats a lot of work... and I wasnt even getting my rocks off > so I blackmailed the potential baby mamas > if they wanted me to go to the clinic with them and pay for it, they had to suck me off to equal value of the abortion > so I was getting sucked off 4 times, sometimes in 1 day by a single girl, just so she wouldnt have my retarded kids in their gut > the funniest part, and I know one of you is a math genius... > I was getting more for more dollar this way than the other way... > do the math guys, because these girls sure as fuck werent, I'm basically saving 1 lawn for every 4 bjs > I felt like I was counting cards in vegas
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