ITT; Most alpha thing you've ever done >Drive a van (don't

Are you all too beta to even make up a story?

>>583828601
You mean like you did?

Sucked a guy off on craigslist

>>583828731
/thread

>>583828091
I play guitar

opened up for less than jake/big d and the kids table/mustard plug in front of 1000 people

I'd say it was pretty alpha

>>583828091
I did that to your mom...
son

>>583828091
I won a 3v1 fight in middle school and made out with the hottest girl ever afterwards.

>>583828731
Haha like I give a shit what you faggots believe

>>583829132
you had sex in a van.
Your metal will be ariving soon

Bump I'm interested in more stories

>>583829132
If you don't need our approval why did you feel the need to post it? Fuckin beta

>>583828932
Good fr you mate
Biggest gig ive had was 12 people at a party

>>583828091
>visit friend in college in winter
>get crunk
>climb up a cliff as high as we
>friend shows me a hole in the wall
>go spelunking
>at the bottom of the cave
>meet a guy with a sack of weez
>blaze

>>583829537
just stay in a band and you'll get there. being ska helped though since nobody plays it anymore
we've opened up for the toasters, ny ska ensemble, tokyo ska orchestra, echo movement catch 22 etc.

it wasn't really hard to get the gig. just had to properly harrass the venue for about a year to finally give us big shows

>>583830000
Holy fuck nice quads man
Im not an actual artist, i just enjoy doing it for fun

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>be 16 year old me
>just moved from uptown Toronto to Calgary
>Go to shit school
>lots of fights
>blah blah one day I see a guy (skinny 5,8 ish wearing one of those tennis ball turbans "gurman" ) who's pushing this other guy (taller brown kid no turban, but wears braces "Amrit")
>I approach quickly
>"hey Amrit you ok?"
>Gruman:"yo fuck off guy"
>"cmon look the kids got braces on he's not gonna fight you "
>gurman "I don't give a shit"
>"listen there's no way you're hitting him. We're in school and he doesn't wanna fight just get to class man"
>Gurman: yells so he can get attention from people walking by in the hallway "YO ILL FIGHT YOU BOTH RIGHT NOW PUSSIES "
>*gurman pushes Amrit hard*
>I pull gurman away
>German punches me in the shoulder
>says "FUCK OFF KID"
>I'm not a big guy, but Im a lot bigger than him.
>push him
"Gurman seriously that's enough get the fuck out of here "
Cont?
>pic is me on the right not big but not tiny 6'1

>>583828932
better than OP

if audiences count then i gave a chemistry lecture to 400 students when i was an undergrad.

>be me
>3rd year of college
>got A+ in chem
>applied to be undergraduate student instructor
>accepted
>teach a lab section
>professor takes a sick day
>head graduate student instructor has to give that day's lecture
>he is busy and passes it to another GSI
>she has stage fright, passes it to another GSI
>eventually it passes to me
>think WTF, i'll give it a shot
>gave lecture, made a lot of jokes

>>583830382
photogenic fussballer/10

>>583828091
>Halloween 2009
>Go to some big party
>Walk in the party
>Super crowded
>Shots before I already gotta pee
>a high rise condo so I make my way to the bathroom
>run into a grill blonde, seemed cute
> We make eye contact
>No Idea what comes over me
>just start making out
>Her friend says something like "oh my god you slut
>She is rubbing through my ghostbusters costume
>go to the bathroom with her, close the door
> make out
> She is undressing as I pee
> Wegunfuck.png
>people mad pounding on door
>Decide to take her to a bedroom next door over,
> walk out of bathroom with practically naked bitch in tow, sportin wood
>pop in the next room, bunch of peoples coats and shit on the bed
> fuck the slut on top of the parties coats.
>never spoke to her again I have no idea who the fuck she was.

coolest thing Ive ever done.

I think this is alpha.
>2013 new years eve pt
>she invites me to go to parties with her
>her "friend" is at one of them
>tfw when she kisses him goodnight and i drive her home
>she tells me she likes me in the car
>fuck her in the car half a block away from that party

>>583830382
arabian macklemore haircut/10

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>>583830568
This is the saddest least-alpha thing I can imagine. You basically got passed on a shit job nobody else wanted to do and you 'made a lot of jokes' because you're too much of a faggot to do an actual lecture and be serious for once in your life.

>>583831160
LOL it's actually pretty long, it just gets all poofy when I play football and starts flailing around helplessly.

>>583831518
He influenced 400 people
You influenced 3 with your shit comment

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>>583831719
>Influenced.

>>583831637
lol it looks aight im just fucking witcha

>>583830382

go on faggot

>>583831518
or one could look at it this way, they were too scared to take on the responsibility. i thought it would be a fun challenge and had fun giving a lecture interspersed with jokes.

>>583831719
*influenza

ok better than nothing

>be me
>just 18
>at frat party
>pretty rekkt
>i had like 6 boiler makers by that point
>honestly just puked a little
>make another boiler maker
>go back to the dancefloor
>night was winding down
>it's like 1:30 AM
>friends about to go to next frat, this one's dying
>toomanyfatchicksleft.jpg
>i was about to go
>see a group disband
>solid 8/10 left standing alone
>make eye contact
>figured i was about to leave so i went up and danced on her
>30 seconds later started on her neck
>5 minutes later I was getting a handy right there in the frat house
>take her back to her place
>fuck her brains out
>take a beer for the road
>decentnight.jpg

>>583831064
No thats beta

>>583831518
>This is the saddest least-alpha thing I can imagine.
Standing up in front of 400 peers and effectively presenting material (doesn't matter if he used jokes or not, we're assuming he taught the lecture) is most assuredly alpha.

>be me
>about 17 or so
>walking through school hallway
>huge fat kid who is known as the local school badass slams my shoulder with his
>as I spin, I reach out and yank his collar and he flies backwards
>lands square on his brick wall of a back
>thud sends a quake down hallway
>kids, stunned, sling to their lockers and stare in amazement
>giant is slain, the day is won
>I didn't mean to grab on to him

>>583828091
>sophomore year at college
>Halloween night partying hard as Donatello
>two freshman sluts
>angel and devil almost as original as a ninja turtle
>ask who wants to make out
>this guy
>make out with both of them
>Get them to make out with each other
>start directing them to fool around with each other
>they say lets go somewhere more private
>have first threesome of life

>>583834312
> being head chemistry nerd in a room full of nerds
> alpha

Eheheheh yeh i was captain of the debate team and chess club champion im alpha as fuckkkkk

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>Be me
>Went to college with my girlfriend ("Hannah") and her best friend ("Claire")
>Claire's father was a police officer
>He was shot during an armed robbery when we were in middle school
>She still cries about it
>Claire gets a shitty boyfriend in college because daddy issues
>He is a useless piece of shit that does nothing but play xbox all day
>Cheated on her twice in 4 months

>At party with them at boyfriend's frat house
>Claire and boyfriend get into fight
>Hannah gets involved
>Claire screams at her boyfriend "Why don't you just go suck off your Xbox"
>Boyfriend retorts "At least I never sucked off my dead dad"
>He pushes Hannah
>Both of them just stare at him in shock
>I decide I've had enough
>Walk over
>Hand Hannah my drink and say "Hold this please sweetie."
>Kiss her on the forehead because I know I'm probably about to get my ass whooped
>Turn to Derrick
>Punch him square in the face
>Procede to kick his ass inside his own frat house
>Two other guys try to step in
>I get kicked in the back of the head
>Blurry but I punch one of them in the head
>Another guy backs me up and gets the other one
>All four of us run out of the house
>Go eat some IHOP because IHOP tastes amazing when you're buzzed
>Thank the other guy
>Go back to my apartment
>End up having a foursome
>I fucked both girls but he wasn't allowed to touch my girlfriend
>Claire was on birth control at the time and Hannah let me cum inside her
>Other guy came inside her when I was done
>Felt kinda gay but whatever Claire wanted it

Pic related. It's the my girlfriend and her best friend. Inb4 fat. Yeah I know they're a little chubby but they are great in bed.

>Flirting with girl on dance team
>nice dance girl body
>she asks if im good at writing
>(no shit im good at writing)
>say yes
>she wants me to write it for her
>I ask for sex in return
>she agrees
>this happens after we've known each other for like a week

>>583828731
bingo bango bongo

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Me agains
>so I tell him to just leave
>he punches me
>didn't expect that so I react
>I hit him repeatedly with my right quickly so he has no time to react
>5 or so hits and his turban slips and is handing on his hair which is extremely long, some Tarzan shit.
>I stop and walk Amrit to this leisure centre by my school
>we skip next class and eat some food
>ask him why they were fighting
>girl stuff
>30 mins later 3 guys show up
>one with glasses,one lanky 6'3 guy or so with this bad paully d hair style, and some other kid I dont remember.
>Paully d (Harjot) "yo heard you had some beef with my boy faggot"
>me filled all pumped full of adrenaline "yeah, problem? "
Harjot *gets in my face and grits his teeth*"I'm gonna fucking kill you for this shit"
>me" man fuck you, your " boy " started this shit with a kid whos not gonna fight him "
>Harjot "HES A RELIGIOUS KID HE DOESNT FIGHT "
>security says to take it outside
>I was genuinely scared now
>get outside
>lanky glasses kid pulls a knife and points it at me
>harjot" if you touch my boy I'm gonna fuck you up, and I don't give a shit this kid is getting his ass kicked (referring to Amrit)"
Cont ?

>>583835667
more pics

>>583835523
>implying that being smart isn't alpha
obviously someone isn't in college

think of it this way

girls WANT to study with the smart guys

>>583835816
>write it

What the fuck is that you fucking idiot?

I'm fairly not alpha, but I have one thing going for me; I don't willingly concede even in a losing fight.

>Be in either middle school or early high school, don't remember
>Play that idiotic game wherein two people take turns striking eachothers knuckles
>Losing, badly
>Keep going
>Losing to the point of plateau, can't effectively hit his hand
>keep going
>Girl sees and screams at us to stop
>We stop
>my hand was broken

>Boxing with a guy, friendly with me but pretty stubborn too
>He actually knows what he is doing, I effectively know how to guard myself and punch without letting down my guard, that's about it.
>Again with the losing badly
>Land some solid hits, at the start probably 1 for every 3 of his.
>Decline, he hits me in the head a few times
>Get dizzy and eventually fall over
>probably had a concussion, didn't go to the doctor or anything.

It's probably of massive benefit to me that I'm not the type to ever get into a fight, because in a real fighting situation that shit probably wouldn't play out well for me.

>>583828091
>Purchase Assassin's Creed Unity

>be me in college
>make friends with weird kid you commutes from town 40 minutes away
make arrangement that he can crash at my house on weekends and bang his high school girlfriend there if she brings a friend for me
>fuck 6 of her friends throughout year
>3 end up go to my school next year
>3 in the stable before school even started that year

>>583835667
the one on the left looks tasty

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>>583836159
Hang on, I need to black out the faces. I only have a few of Claire and none of them show any actual tittage. I had to be really subtle about taking them because she didn't want any pics.

>>583830000
nice quads

>secretly find a girl's number
>talk to her on whatsapp
>mfw she talks back
>send her picture of my dick
>she says WTF DUDE
obviously impressed
>decide to leave the bitch crave my cock, didn't talk to her again ever

>>583836576
missed a line in the boxing one, he offered for us to stop, before the "decline"

>>583836106

dude your story is really boring

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>own import company, go to china, meet factories
>stay at hotel in gz, fuck around on momo (chinese tinder) pick up some chinese uni student.
>back to hotel fuck
>momo goes off, got another
>meet next day, back to same hotel fuck
>first girl wants to meet late, leave 2nd girl in room
>come back with 1st girl, get a second room
>fuck all night.
>have to catch a flight @5am
>check out of hotel
>have to tell lobby girl not to send housekeeping to either room because someone is sleeping in both

pic related

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>>583837191
fucking kek'd

>>583828091
Vans are fucking hardcore. The lowly Dodge Grand Caravan with the v6 makes 285hp at the crank, and fullsize vans are well into the 300-400 range. Plus, most vans have better aero than the average SUV (meaning better gas mileage), more room for cargo, and more seating capacity.

Fuck yeah vans.

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>>583836835
My girlfriend said she was delicious. I haven't had the pleasure of eating her out yet though. Here's the one on the left's pussy.

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>go to older cousins party
>be 16
>older cousin says I need to get laid
>tells 24 year old girl Im a virgin
>she says she'll fuck me
>fuck girl
"you weren't a virgin"
>mfw

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not THAT alpha, but really proud of what i've done
>be me
>high school
>got this femboy in his 20s teaching psychology
>obv a complete fgt
>with the faggot speaking tone and everything
>write a funny song about him being a faggot
>post in on facebook, allow people share it
>next day, half of the school has heard the song
>a week later literally the whole school was talking about it
4 years later
>studying music business in uni
>will never forget what power a single song can hold
>no regrets
oh and the teacher's career is damaged aswell. the school limits his freedom in expanding as a psychologist because the song was on the internet. poor guy

>>583828091
Quad scoped sum fags on xbox

>>583835523
What's your mock record, bro?

>be me
>do what I want whenever I want

>>583837891
Link?

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>>583837413
My bad it just dragged on too long
Gfs tits

>>583837891
>really proud of what i've done
>poor guy
pick one. Asshole or redemptive asshole, you don't get both. Won't argue the alpha-ness, because it takes some degree to do something like that, but it's not the kind of alpha anyone should strive to be.
>"I fucked up someone's life for no real reason"
is basically what you just said.

>>583835667
You ruined this shit for me with the pictures. Fuck.

>Be me
>Big presentation at school in front of 300+ people for a competition
>Terrified of public speaking
>Practice over 100 times
>absolutely nail it in every way
>win competition
>Wink at 10/10 asian cutie mid presentation
>fuck her all day today
>This was today
>On cloud 9 right now
>Feels good /b/ros

Done other alpha shit, but today was a personal best. I brought winking back. Like its the fuckin 1950's and shit. Sober game 2 tight 4 u niggas.

>go to party with older friends
>asshole friend I hate is there with new girlfriend
>talk to his girlfriend for a little
>massive fight breaks out
>I kick some ass
>see assholes girlfriend drunk and crying over fighting
>say lets get out of here
>go upstairs to room
>make out
>she starts giving me head
>changes her mind bout sex cause she feels bad but will finish blowjob
>go downstairs feeling like melting butter on flapjacks
>see assholes girlfriends sister
>tell her I got no place to sleep
>she invites me to sleep in her room
>end up fucking
got with two sisters in one night

>in cuba partying hard
>meet girls
>girl says she won't fuck me because she's not a slut
>know this is just the slut defense
>tell her I'm gonna fuck her
>she says no but she'll come back to my room but she's not fucking
>grab her as she's talking, make out with her stop look her in the eyes and she's like okay
>get back to room and fuck her for an hour but don't cum
>had about 80 drinks that day and was on speed, surprised I even got it up to be honest
To me that was alpha because most of the time I'm a bitch for the amount of opportunities I get

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>be 18
>summer before college
>21 year old friend buys booze
>go to rich highschool girls cabin
>21 year old picks up 19 year old gf on the way, hoottttttt
>crunk as fuck, everyones making out and fuckin around showing titties and shit
>in bedroom with girl on top of me, friend is next to me with his gf on top of him
>he leaves because they need more drinks
>his gf slams the door behind him and locks it
>MFW wtf.jpg 3sum?
>Girl jumps onto bed, start making out with both girls at once via awkward "triple kiss"
>proceed to have 3 some while 21 year old friend is banging on the door screaming and yelling
>several mins later, we're all done. friend has stopped banging a few mins ago.
>his gf opens the door, he runs in at the speed of sound and attempts to elbow drop me in the face
>MFW he's 5 foot 5 and I am 6 foot 5. lel.png
>He tries to punch me, I push him down
>He leaves pouting
>I stay the night
>Haven't talked to him since, it's been 9 years

>>583837834
noice

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>>583838562
Oh I'm sorry, would you prefer something more like this?

Real women have flabby fat holds all over their body. Just get used to it bro. Not everyone can look like your porno models.

>>583828091
Boned a 9/10 31 year old when i was 16.

>>583838491
it's deleted long ago. My school forced me to. even wanted to sue me
>>583838549
won't deny tho, but the incident did taught me a good lesson and set a starting point for my further life. i'm sure the guy's okay right now

>senior week
>out partying
>party gets busted
>I decide to go back to our hotel first instead of going to next party
>solid 9/10 hottie from school in lobby
>tell her bout the party
>she's pissed she was going
>say I was going to change my shirt then go to the next one
>go up to room with her
>decide I'm gonna "shower"
>get undressed in front of her
"You have a nice dick"
>okay
>fuck her on my asshole friends bed

>>583830923
Nice story Tucker Max.

>>Driving friends sisters car back from a vacation bc she's too tired to drive alone
>>she starts bullshitting about shit asks to lay head down on lap
>> starts giving blowjob
>> pull up next to friend in his car while she's giving me head and give thumbs up
>> too dark out to see what's going on in our car
>> fuck her many times over years after this

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>>583839071
Put you're whores on >>/fit/
Real women aren't at risk for diabetes. What the fuck are their BMIs??

>>583838908
I didn't know it was alpha to be a shitty friend

>>583838875
I know that game when a girl says "we're not fucking" before you bring up fucking, then you're definitely fucking
>start talking to hot ass girl I went to high school with
>invites me to her 21st birthday party
>blow it off for better stuff
>calls me at 1am crying no one came
>lol
>asks to come over but "we're not gonna fuck or anything"
>lol okay
>had stinky pussy tho

>>583838908
Ribs/10

>>583828756
Shut up Lorelei you filthy slut

Not really alpha, more suicidal:

>be like decade ago
>me and friends go to the river every day during summer
>favorite game for us is to paddle out to the middle of the river (1 mile wide or so) on a log with a bunch of big ass rocks
>drop a unique looking rock in, then we would bear hug our own rocks and try to sink to the bottom and get the unique rock
>river is like 30-40 feet deep

I can't believe we did that. the "best" part for us was that when you were struggling to get back to the surface, bizarre colors would float in my eyes. Did this hundreds of times. I have no clue how none of us died.

Freshman year I was the ugly ducking in a group of dudes I went to parties with. They were all your typical "9/10" "10/10" lax bros. I'm an easy 8/10 swimmer.

>Go to lax house party
>Standing with my /b/ros shooting shit waiting for pong
>Girls slowly picking off lax bros one by one
>Some 2/10 says her friend thinks im cute fml.jpg
>Ask to meet friend
>turns out to be two girls, both 7/10
>get drunk as fuck with them party hopping
>fuck them both on their third roommate's bed

> working 2 jobs to support my family
> find out that I have a disease
>have a year to live with treatment
> can barely afford house payments or bills
> run into an aquaintence while hanging with my brother in law
> decide to start to cook to make money
> become the best at what I do
>iambreakingbad

>>583838908
Stop saying friend. You are a piece of shit for doing that. Bros before ho's faggot.

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>>583840035
About 1/2 of your mom's and 1/3 of yours

They weigh just under 200

>be horny
>go on YouNow
>see 10/10 girls spamming their Snapchats and Instagrams
>send pics of my abs
>get nudes
If that's not alpha, then I don't know what is.

>>583835667
man the harpoooons

>visit friend at college
>meet his friends
>hook up with girl on Friday
>be at party Saturday
>see girl
"hey that's my boyfriend so I dont know you"
>debate if I should tell bro
>decide not to and try hooking up with other roommate
>first girl gets pissed
woman logic
>boyfriend wants to fight
>tell him I didn't know and say he can punch me in face one time
>punches me in face
>buy him a beer
>become friends
>girlfriend pissed
>still friends today

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>>583841348
I already harpooned them you jealous little cuckhold ;-)

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I shall make my fellow betafags proud

>be me
>be 16
>be a scrawny betafag
>at high school party after annual junior class skit show
>shit's cash
>drunk girls literally everywhere
>damn river of them flowing out the house doors
>saw a couple pour out of the fucking closet
>prob lezzing out
>off topic
>be at bonfire
>drunk asshole keeps talking shit about everyone around him
>asshole friend of his keeps moaning "YOU GOT BURNED" after every god damned sentence this douche says
>gettinrealtiredofyourshit.jpg
>starts talking shit about me
>cannot coherently say a single sentence, let alone use any word other than "faggot"
>drunk asshole then punches me in the face randomly
>tweaks nose
>u fucking wot m8
>three beers I had earlier kick in
>alchohol prepared
>DRUNK RAGE MODE ACTIVATE
>I pick up a partially flaming plank from bonfire
>whack asshole across the face with firey bit
>falls backwards
>jackass got knocked the fuck out
>singed the bastard's eyebrows off
>motherfucker has black scorch marks on his cheek
>turn to his asshole friend
>look him dead in the eyes
>"He got burned."
>walk the fuck away from that party
>catch ride home with sober girl
>mfw asshole had fucking bandages on his face for two months
>so drunk he didn't remember what happened
>nobody said shit about who did it
>only about fifteen people knew I whacked him
>I was the goddamn Batman that night

>>583841110
Eh, at least they're good fucks

>meet chick on PoF a couple years ago
>she's into doing marathons and shit so she has a tight little body
>cute face, perky tits, 5' 2"
>take her out to bar
>get her tipsy
>group of single girls come in and sit next to us at the bar
>other group of guys comes over and starts chatting up the girls
>one girl sitting closest to us is by herself (4 girls 3 guys she was the odd one out)
>PoF chick starts chatting with her while I get us some drinks
>girl was blonde, big tits,
>all 3 of us start having drunken conversations and it is going really well
>entire time my hand is under the bar shelf and I am rubbing PoF girl's pussy over her pants
>other girl notices and says "I wish someone was doing that to me right now" then bites her lip while looking at PoF girl
>PoF girl starts rubbing her pussy over other girl's skirt
>itsgoingdown.jpg
>quickly pay tab and all 3 of us leave
>go to my car (was driving an SUV at the time)
>fold all the seats down flat
>we all crawl in
>3some with 2 attractive girls
>fuck PoF girl while she eats out bar girl
>switch every now and then
>end up blowing load all over both their tits

best night ever

>>583841872
That's really a dick move. Why would you be glad you injured someone? You sound like such a faggot.

some of you will disagree and think this is beta. i welcome your comments

>college
>working pizza delivery
>big titted ginger coworker
>want some of that
>she's dating small dicked asian
>she dumps him after i persistently showed my interest
>we go on first date
>go back to her apartment
>she already said sex was out (first date)
>there's a knock on the door
>it's her little ex
>he's drunk as fuck
>yelling
>go to door and tell him to calm the fuck down
>he punches me in the face
>i laugh at his weak ass punch
>tell him to run along
>close door
>she is so impressed that i didn't hit him back, because she felt sorry for him
>frankly, i was surprised i didn't hit him back too
>she forgets about her rule and she gave me an awesome blowjob which led an all night sex binge

>>583828731
R-r-r-roasted

last week i got a blowjob from a blonde college chick while listening to new slaves by kanye west on a fur rug. so i guess thats pretty alpha. was also in a dope condo in my city

>be me
>15 years old
>go to some school trip
>presentations about animals in front of everyone
>make some joke about a girl's presentation
>later, punches me
>later, strangles me
>kiss her while shes trying to strangle
>get back to our town
>fuck all summer
>18 year old
>still with her

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>>583842297
forgot captcha

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>>583835667
okay. what in the fuck could you possibly of needed to blur out on the fucking table.

>>583838562
also this.

>>583828091

>be me, in college
>girl over in my room
>as a joke she goes on my roomate computer, I go on mine
>we are sending each other short messages on AIM
>she says lets get naked
>I stand up and pull my pants down
>she says "oh my god"
>i push her down to her knees and proceed to face fuck her
>cum buckets
>take her out to eat after
>fuck several times more
>this was 2005
>now im forever alone

>>583842297
You date her after?

Two months after I broke up with my girlfriend (5/10 chubster) I found myself in a bar drinking as usual. This amazingly cute woman walks up next to me to complain about her drink not being right to the bartender. I go completely were-alpha and slip the bartender a 20, right in front of her.
"Make it right this time, like you would for me."
Bartender makes it correctly, I spend an evening chatting with qt3.14, where she tells me all about which Dr Who incarnation was her favorite. We've been dating ever since. I'm usually myself around her; smart, awkward, kinda shy- but I randomly slip into were-alpha. Like when I put her over my knee and spanked her one evening. She loves it. I love it.
We've been dating for the last 6 months. Alpha as fuck.

>>583842658
dated for a year. she became a raging alcoholic and dropped out of school.

i think i dodged a bullet, but we are still friends.

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not really alpha, but i felt alpha:

>have girlfriend but she doesn't go to parties
>go to party with my friends instead
>get there and one chick keeps checking me out
>she starts talking to me and we are beer pong partners for a while
>keep flirting with her even though i dont even want her
>tell her i gotta pee and to not let anyone take my shot
>walk into bathroom, about to close door, she stops me and comes inside with me
>she pisses in front of me
>ididn'taskforthisbitchgetout.jpg
>then she stands there and watches me pee, fucking freak this bitch
>start ignoring her more after that, she went too far
>sitting outside with buddy chatting
>she comes out and sits on my lap and puts her arm around me
>she asks me, "what the fuck. im like all over you and you dont even want me?"
>turn to friend and put my arm around his shoulder, give him a wink, then kiss his cheek
>"thats cuz im gay sweetie, now fuck off" i say
>she has no fucking clue what to do
>she runs back inside
>i stay outside chatting/laughing with my buddy
>eventually go back inside
>mfw everyone asks me if im really gay

>working shit job during Christmas break
>make friends with "beta" coworker
>says he's in love with new cashier
>asks me to talk to her
>she's 18 me and him are 21
>turns out he's said 3 words to her
>end up getting her digits
>fuck her all weekend
>go into work and tell coworker bout it
>feelbad
>end up banging her all month
>she's in love with me
>talk her into letting me fuck her in stock room
>radio coworker back
>let him watch me fuck her
>tell her to suck his dick
>she does reluctantly
>both have sad faces
>guy quits
>girl doesn't want to see me again
>guess I'm an evil asshole?

>>583843098
kek

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>be 15
>mum asks me to go to the shop
>have 2euro of change
>3 bullies from my hood approach me
>ask if I have some money to borrow
>tell them I have a change I need to give back to my mother
>they tell me to sit down with them and try to force me to give it to them
>don't know how to get out, eventually after 15 minutes start crying out of desperation
>their leader asks me why I'm crying (looked really surprised), 2 other guys tell me to go home
>as I walk leader is yelling "what school does he go to? I'll ruin him"
>cry more at home
>got bullied by them for the next year or more until my mother finds out and threatens them to go to the police

>be me 17, GF 16
>1st real relationship, still a virgin, GFs not
>GFs family all going away for a weekend she stays behind
>mfw they know were gonna fuck "just be safe" they say
>mfw her mom let us drink her alcohol
>drink from wine glasses in bed like fancy assholes
>gettin' all hot and bothered
>make out a bit then strip and go at it
>nervous at first but pick it up quickly
>fucked her brains out, she loved it, almost didnt believe I was a virgin
>lasted like an hour
>confidence = over 9000
>have more drinks
>repeat next day
that was a good weekend

>>583828091
>be 15
>need to get a spinal tap
>because of complications, couldn't use anesthesia until the next day
>don't want to stay the night in the hospital
>get spinal tap without anesthetics

hurt like a mother fucker.

>>583843098
funny, yes. alpha, oh so close. it would be alpha if you just said you are not interested, IMO.

but still, if a girl came on that strong with me, i'd probably fuck her. i couldn't stop myself. so, i'd say that what you did was more alpha than me.

Punched out a cop who was fucking with my friend at a house party.Knocked him out fucking cold.Luckily his partner was somewhere else in the backyard so i got away with it.Nobody snitches out the guy who KO'd a cop.

>>583837858
Kekd

>>583843772
well, if i was single, yes, i probably would have fucked her. i mean, i probably would have still messed with her then just told her i was joking then fucked her.

but since i had a girlfriend, i dont play that shit in regard to cheating. gotta stay true to the girl you love. that my friends, that is alpha.

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>>583828601

>>583838908
you would have been more alpha if you called her a slut and told your friend.

>>583836576
It sounds like your just an idiot.

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>>583828091
>hit up chick from facebook
>go swimming
>first day we actually hang or even met but was down
>needs dry clothes
>give her my Pj's
>she lays in bed
>i decide to lay next to her
>proceeded to attempt a kiss for fuck knows reason
>fuck that night
>ended up going out with her, crazzzzzyyyyyyy shit

>>583844726
>we fucked that night
fucken apple products correcting shit for no reason

>>583828091

I guess it was a while back, back when summers were warmer, friends groups were bigger and life was an adventure. I take you back to the summer of 2010, the year I left secondary school.

>Now I had just lost my virginity to the 'girl of my dreams' back then, we'd been off and on dating through out secondary school
>It turns out that in hindsight she looked like a sentient thumb, but I was naive back then.
>low self esteem, happy with what I could get, yet to realise I'm pretty much a 10/10 and girls are now intimidated by me, I was 16 and the world was a new and exciting place.
>We would drink, smoke and think we're the coolest faggots around,
>Now there were me and two other friends, we weren't the closest three in the group but we were bound by one thing.
>We all had girlfriends
>three girls from the same little friend group trio.
>Now this seemed all dandy at first, but these girls were made of the wrong type of flesh.
>They had 'girl meetings' and schemed and plotted, and caused, what I like to call, "organised drama"
>Little would they know that this little game they played would lead to an event that would change the fabric of time.
>An event which would shatter their puny friends group and spread them far over the planet.
>An event which has it's own fucking theme song which is still sung among our friends today.
>One which my patriarchal brothers trip over themselves to tell anyone new we meet.

>It all started on that fateful day
>That trip to MacDonalds, I remember it still now, I can smell the scent of oily chips, the sounds of children laughing and the deep baritone of adults talking
>One of the girls was hungover, not my girlfriend but I considered her the leader of the pack
>she was angry at her boyfriend, it was just the six of us, three couples, one road leading to the event which would change everything
>I remember how hard it was raining that day, it was pouring down, and the tram stop was a good 20 minute walk from the macdonald.

>>583844042
>that is alpha
i can't decide if this is true or not.

me, i can't stop myself from fucking. given the chance, i rarely turn it down. (i can only think of once off the top of my head).

on the other hand, a male who wouldn't cheat given the chance, either has great self control (alpha) or has no libido (beta).

it is almost impossible to tell the difference.

that said, you should be proud of your fidelity

>high school basketball game
>first time in ever, i started senior year so i didnt play much at first
>down by 13 with 3 min left so its scrub time
>get put in, im actually bretty good so decide fuck it I'm just gonna take over were gonna lose anyways
>start scoring, get 7 points in about a min and a half
>feelin good
>what is that
>no im not kidding what the fuck is that
>landwhale behemoth monstrosity trudges into the field house
>starts yelling and commanding attention
>goes on about how organized sports are bad and discriminate against fatties
>says shes "literally speechless" at how everyone is supporting the basketball program
>say loud enough for the people around me to hear that "its because you lungs are giving out on you fat fuck"
>people laugh
>immediately drain a 3 while making eye contact with a qt walking on the sidelines
>she smiles
>i trip while talking to her and sort of roll back and get back up in one motion
>do double guns and wink at her
>get back on defense
>we lose anyways
>idgaf

>>583845243
prolly a pasta, but seems well written. Continue.

>>583828091
Damn right vans are convenient op. Fucked my ex many times in our van.

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>senior year of college
>at bar when some 10/10 milf walks in
>what the what
>she sits at bar and starts drinking
>every dude is circling
>friends say I'm the one who can do it
>yo what's u-
"Let's dance"
>dance for like an hour
>buys me shots
>says she has to get home soon and asks me to walk her to car
>car in parking garage
>get in
>gives me head
>get out
>drives away
>mfw she's more alpha than i

>>583842292
Nah, that shit was pretty cash. If you're gonna go around drunkenly calling people faggots, a plank to the face is an appropriate reward.

I went 31 hours without anesthetics with twisted bowels after some faggot with a medical license wrongly diagnosed me with constipation.

The most unbearable pain you can imagine.
It was like being torn in half and having my organs squeezed.

Almost died.
Dude was fired and I received $100k (something like that, different currency here) from a lawsuit.

>>583830382
bad haircut, good looks

Well okay then
one day I took lsd and dxm and desided I wassnt tripping hard enough so I rock up to the club where a hard rock band was playing and ended up behind a dude wall
NOPE
I started pushing people around for a giggle and
spot an foxy lady and ask her for sex right then and there
she said yes
get the largest hard on of my life
she pulls of her panties
longest 12 seconds of my life
get it on in the middle of the dancefloor
we finish up after a couple of minutes of adrenaline fueled making
stand up and adjust ourselfs
a man who saw this go down put his hand on my shoulder a said "balls of steel mate"
she gestures like a celebrity I wont say whom she leaves flushed with a big grin on her face
I follow shortly after but she is nowhere to be found I dont know her name and havent seen her since.

I trip alot
late night at the train station and there is just
me and this black guy whom happens to be deaf so I start telling him my life story though body language he mouths out "I want to fuck you" and hands me a twenty dollar note we dash round a corner and got to it
I spent the rest of that night smoking durries in awe.

I sold my soul to the devil at the cross roads for what its was worth of cource.

>>583829513
this.

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>>583830568
Berkeleyfag? if so howabout those fuckign choppers ay
also I think the story is OK, unless you're bad at judging reactions, in which case it may have been the most cringey moment in the lives of every other student there

>>583838548
Post face plz

>>583834503
lol'd

>>583845243

>So we arrive at the tram station and it turns out hungover girl has forgotten her scarf
>being the dashing beta males that we were at the time we offered to go get it for her
>and behold, on our journey there we began to be bombarded by texts demanding we hurry up
>alas, did they expect us to teleport? we were but mere humans, with no means to traverse the shopping centre, but to walk.
>when we got to the tram again, the girls looked mad, in unison I may add (they must of been practising), they waved and got onto a tram, leaving us
>5 minutes pass and we're being assaulted digitally by texts, why didn't we get on the tram? we're in big trouble! do we not respect them?
>It was laughable

Now, I need to fast forward us a little bit, because a lot happens, but it's mainly just internet arguments flying back and forth between the parties involved.

>enter act two, the tribunal
>so these three witches of old organise a tribunal that we had to attend, compulsory I may add
>it was round my girlfriend at the times house
>they had set out the front room with three chairs surrounding the floor where we must sit
>we did so
>and they told us that one by one we must apologise
>for what? I ask
>no response
>my two friends break down, crying
>they beg forgiveness, it is given
(may I of followed suit my life may of turned out very differently, one of my friends is now engaged to the girl as we speak)
(but, I would of never become a man)
>It's my turn now
>I sweat
>I refuse to apologise
>I did nothing wrong
>the girls tell us we must dance the YMCA for forgiveness
>my friends start dancing, their dignity falling to the floor like curdled milk from a feminine man's nipple
>I refuse to dance
>I spill my Ribena on my girlfriend's parents carpet
>My girlfriend kicks me out of house
>I storm out
>a shit storm follows
>the chain of events have been set, there is no turning back no.

cont...

>meet 10/10
>seems perfect
>get awkward and weird around her
>can't talk
>she seems nervous round me
>grow pair and ask to get to know her more
>says yes
>get to know each other
>she's more awesome than I could have imagine
>she's just as awkward and weird as me
>date all college
>get married
>have kids
>be great parents together
>spend rest of life together
>most alpha shit I ever did

>>583828091
>be me
>15, sophomore year in high school
>on football team
>JV punter, so nobody gives a fuck
>still a nobody
>nigger tries to mug me in the bathroom
>training kicks in
>step
>step
>plant my foot right into the ball
>baggy pants, feel his sack move with the arc of my foot on contact
>the look of complete horror on his face
>he screams, runs all hobbled
>leave, and return to class
>word around school is his testicles twisted in the sack
>nigger out of school for a while
>assuming he failed

>>583828091

>be like 18
>musician
>guitar, vocals
>mate in band invites me to fill in guotar and vocals for big headliner show
>sure bro
>learn all their shit
>day of show
>holy fuck there's like 300 payers through the door, venue is packed as fuck
>proceed to play one of the funniest shows of my life
>band had synchronised stage moves and all, pretty cash
>get invited to post-gig after party
>party has a solid 200 person turnout, mostly people who went to the show + band members
>get some beers into me
>just go up to random 16-20 year old bitches and tell them I was in the band with the headliner
>the headline band that I played with sent the crowd nuts, top performance
>make out with an uncountable number of girls just by telling them I was in the band, letting them gawk over me and just pulling them in and macking on
>slept with 3 different girls in my car outside that night
>I was pretty spent so just ended up getting as hammered as possible and enjoyed the rest of my night

Worth mentioning that when I randomly hooked up with all these girls, many of them were already getting tuned by other dudes but I just cut in and did what they were taking all night to accomplish in less than a minute.

That's probably the most alpha night of my life, but there's probably a few more situations that could he comparable.

Bottom line is chicks dig a guy with confidence and band guys in general.

>>583845512

not a pasta, writing it out as I go, sorry for the delays between posts.

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>>583846642
Here

>>583846380
>berkeleyfag?
wat, how the fuck did you know?

>>583845316
look, dont get me all twisted. by all means fucking is alpha. fuck as much as you can, its great. but if you plan on plowing through loads of women, then dont get a girlfriend. you either have a lot of sex but with the same girl, or you have a much lesser amount of sex but with varying women.

i also dont see how "no libido" is something to be beta about? why does a man have to have sex if he doesnt want too?

>>583843686
probably the most alpha thing here and it didnt even involve women.

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>>583828091
>> have beta friend
>> know the chick he's crushing on but to beta to act
>> throw party and invite the grill
>> pay her to sleep with my beta friend
>> load him up with some booze and send him after her


MFW he thinks he is alpha now

>>583830382
what hs? northern?
>i live at Ave. and Lawrence