[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Extra juicy! | Home]

>fucked up stories thread

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 256
Thread images: 61

File: image.jpg (100KB, 630x847px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
100KB, 630x847px
>fucked up stories thread
>be me
>sex with sibling
>12years old
File: kc-stoic.png (145KB, 340x265px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
145KB, 340x265px
lurking with hopes of not shit-tier thread
>Me, 21 yrs old
>finally apartment, live alone, fuck yeah
>2 hot neighbors, blond and brunette - this is amazing
>get into elevator to go to work when suddenly "HAY WAIT! HOLD TO DOOR!"
>omg it's the blond one. finally.
>"Hey hows it goin? I'm Anon"
>looks me over bottom to top. rolls eyes with a "PSH"
>brush it off, she's a bitch
>reach bottom floor, say "have a nice day"
>she flips me off while power-walking out of the building

you sad and ugly beta when will you learn u worthless oxygen thief
pls rape
I watched a 16 year old girl not look in the other direction and pulled straight into my uncle's tractor trailer and got her head twisted and then buried by the coal that burst out of the trailer. She didn't even have her license a week.
That's rough, did she survive?
File: noPA51z.png (185KB, 477x320px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
185KB, 477x320px
I was about 50 yards or so up this path when I noticed a man standing off the side of the path apparently staring into the woods. As I got closer I realized his pants were down around his ankles and I could see his ass. Now, I'm straight but I have to say that it was a really nicely shaped ass for a man and I took notice. I figured maybe he was drunk and just peeing in the bushes, so I started to walk quieter so I wouldn't disturb him. But as I got closer I started hearing strange grunts and sucking sounds. I realized there was another man blowing him.

Now, I'm not gay but I slowed my pace down to watch. I slowed and approached the standing man from behind. His friend didn't take any notice as his eyes were tightly closed. I came right up behind the man standing so that I could have reached out and touched him. That's when I brought the cinder block down on his head, hard. He collapsed on top of his faggot friend and I quickly finished them both off. I rolled them into the bushes and finished my walk. That was only my first of many such gay encounters.
HA! No, anon. That truck tire did her in instantly. Uncle quit driving, had PTSD and would freak the fuck out everytime he saw roadside crosses.
>few days later, get home from work.
>hungry. gonna make some hamburgers.
>raw beef and onions and all that good stuff
>im covered in beef blood, still in dirty work clothes, but fuck it i'll shower later.
>also wearing latex gloves because i'm fucking weird
>lots of noise in hallway, sneak a peek.
>its the two neighbours, with like 8 other people. holding the elevator open and being loud as fuck.
>fuck em, im makin burgers anyway.
>10 minutes elapse, they're still out there.
>patties are done, gonna wash up a little. then suddenly a wild idea
>grab my trash and decide I'm gonna take it downstairs to the trash bin. still looking like i just killed a man
>garbage smells REAL bad. yesterday I made chicken, the package REEKS
>leave my apartment, they shuffle out of the way.
>step in elevator
>"Ya'll goin down...?"
>didnt smile. maintained eye contact with blondy.
>"N-no... we're good"
>toss out garbage, watching for this group of idiots
>they didnt leave
>back to my floor. nobody there.
>listen to their apartment door. dead silent.
they took the fucking stairs to avoid seeing me
Thought that she might of lived, maybe with the new nick name of wheels after the accident
File: 1409453976106.jpg (10KB, 251x223px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
10KB, 251x223px
man & girl go out to drive under moonlight. they stop at on at a side of road.
he turn to his girl and say:
"baby, i love you very much"
"what is it honey?"
"our car is broken down. i think the engine is broken. ill walk and get some more fuel."
"ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news report of stereos being stolen"
"good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty"

so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours the girl say "where is my baby, he was supposed to be back by now". then the girl here a scratching sound and voice say "LET ME IN"

the girl doesnt do it and then after a while she goes to sleep. the next morning she wakes up and finds her boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and man door hand hook car door
Nah man. She basically drove between the front and back sets of wheels on the long trailer, the back wheels hit the doors went up and my dad and I watched her head like spin like fucking exorcist. Then my uncle tried to drive up over the side of the hill thinking he'd avoid her and it caused the trailer to burst, the coal rolled into the car, burying her.

When my Dad's parents died, he disowned me to piss off my dad. He was a winner.
man door hand hook hand man car, hook man hand door car door hook man door hand hook car door door.
You're not done yet though, right?
if this is it then lameee
you have to do something huge
want my advice?
Primrose dies in the the Hunger Games
My grandfathers Partner died in a similar manner, she did the same but walked out in front of a truck, someone who I worked with said he witnessed the accident and told me her head flew off
File: 1415764826650.gif (1MB, 350x272px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1MB, 350x272px
>man door hand hook car door
Aight fuckers, here we go.

>Moved out due to UNI
>Everything is fine for 6 months
>Neighbor with really loud dog moves in, they're really friendly though
>Can't sleep at night
>One morning, "can you please keep your dog quiet at night? It's hard to sleep."
>"Of course, sorry anon."
>Shit still goes on for 2 months.
>See dog alone just outside the front door
>Their door and the front door has a dog hatch or whatever it's called so they can play in the yard outside alone.
>It starts barking.
>Fuck this, this fucker has messed up my sleep for two months.
>Kick dog.
>It shrivels up making those sad sounds.
>Rush to UNI, scared as shit.
>Classes done, going home.
>No barking that night.
>Next morning I meet the neighbors.
>Fuck I'm fucked as fucking fuck.
>*sobbing* "Hey anon, someone hurt our dog yesterday." *sob
>"He died at the vets' office, his left lung was punctured from having 3 of his ribs broken."
>"Oh no, I'm so sorry neighbor. I'm so sorry."
>"Yeah, we had him for X years, he was like family."
>"I'm so sorry."
>Went to UNI classes.
>Never told anyone.

TL;DR Killed an annoying dog, got away with it and felt like shit about it ever since. Still get along with those neighbors.
>i think the engine is broken. ill walk and get some more fuel.

oh god no, I drove them to leave.
yes for the luls, but they're already gone.

>few days later, blondy has a friend over
>they're hitting every floor and screaming in hallway
>escape into elevator asap
>i know this is going on. I know my floor is next. I'm waiting cause no life
>they're in front of my door now. like a fearless hunter i wait.
>I can see them. they're RECORDING it, too
>She screams I burst open my door, completely naked and I yell "ARE YOU OKAY!?"
>pure shock. they flee, but I'm not done
>run after them, still naked, yelling "I CAN HELP! COME BACK!"
>they reach stairwell, I give up.
>But no life, so I wait.
>10 minutes later, they come back. Im wearing a Tshirt and tighty whities now. Run after them yelling "I CALLED THE COPS, HELP IS ON THE WAY" [lie]
>she's pale white, says nothing and goes inside.
>waited an hour, she didn't leave
>But I'm not done yet...
fuck dogs
they're greedy annoying retards
that thing was probably gonna get put-down for something stupid anyway
kekd because dead dog
oh my god
a gk
saving this
Best of 4chan i see it already
>be in mental hospital
>New roommate, old guy in wheelchair, dementia or something
>every time I try to talk to him I lose a little bit of my sanity because he has no coherent thoughts and forgets everything in seconds
>gave sweatshirt to cutie 3.14 without warm clothes, finally get it back
>talking to somebody in the lobby one day, enter roommate
>he rolls in in the same sweatshirt
>continues happening with many of my other clothes including jeans, shirts, socks
>keep bringing it up with him but he can't tell the difference between my stuff, his stuff, and hospital stuff
That's how you deal with helpless and innocent living beings? I hope you never have kids.
You make me sick.
File: 1406608615665.gif (196KB, 500x491px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
196KB, 500x491px
bumpin for moar
Thank you. Dogs are so fucking god damn annoying and needy and stupid. I don't understand what the attraction is
I would kill you without hesitation and feel good about it
>later that night, like 3am, I walk to their door.
>gorilla smash their door screaming as hard as I can
>run back to apartment and wait. they didn't answer.
>wait 15 minutes and do it again. same result.
>do this every night for 3 nights. thrd night, cops show up. they knock on my door and asked if i knew anything about the screaming.
>tell cop the girl next door is my ex and is always trying to get me into shit.
>act real tired.
>"Officer, I have to go to work in 3 hours, is there something else I can help you with? This isn't the first time you guys came here to talk to me"
>he buys it, leaves me alone

> let things chill out for a week.
>see something hilarious posted here on /b/.
>piss on plate, let it freeze, slide under door.
>didn't work out so well. piss didn't freeze as nicely as i hoped.
but try anyway. no good. another idea.
>piss in latex glove, slide opening under door and squeeze. flawless.
>she comes mashing on my door a few hours later. she's furious.
>accuse her of the same thing. show her my floor where I intentionally spilled some water
>she screams "FUCKING ASSHOLE!" and storms off

there's still so much more.
>be 10 year old me
>at school
>eating lunch with teacher as punishment beacuse don't remember
>Mr. Cosby watching me eat my cold pot pie
>he lick his lips as i wipe the white sauce from my lip
>"Do you know why you're here anon?"
>Mr. Cosby reclines in his glorious Victorian armchair
>unbuttons his pants
>his left hand lingers downwards towards his crotch
>I look down at my pot pie
>quietly whimper
>"Come here child."
>"Yes, Mr. Cosby"
>his erect wiener pierces my soul with its dull shadowy gaze
>the melanin is enveloping the room, metamorphosing it into a dimly lit sex dungeon
>"Suck my cock, boy."
>he growls like a hungry dog
>he grabs me by the neck and forces my lips to press his cock
>proceed sucking
>he thrusts his long hard cock so hard it pierces my skull
>wake up
>Mr. Cosby is fucking my mom
I'm upset with you, anon. Thank you for sharing your story. They sounded like shitty ass dog owners though. You should have just fed it chocolate and sleeping pills so it would be painless.
Me, Micky, Dirty, and Clay all participated in "The Summer of Acid" one summer when we found an acid connect. We would get together and trip every other week or so at Micks and had a hell of a time doing it. I tripped probably less than 10 times overall that summer, Dirty and Clay tripped a little more often than that. We all like getting high but it was also almost like a spiritual journey or cleansing for us. Mickey, on the other hand, just aimed to get as fucked up as he could as often as he could and would do huge doses almost daily for that summer. After summer ended, we all kinda split up and did our own things for a while, the acid connect went away, and we only saw each other on random occasions and never all four of us.
Tighty whities

top fuken kek
oh god im loving this
The following summer, Mickey had found another acid connection and we planed to meet at his parents house that was empty for the weekend for a reunion trip. I arrived first with a friend of mine, Nick, who had no experience with drugs or experience of being around people on drugs. Mickey had already dosed by the time we got there, I decided to wait for everyone else.
How has your sleep been?
As we waited for Clay and Dirty to arrive, Mickey started getting deeper and deeper into his own head and started thinking he was saying things out loud when he was being completely silent. He started to freak himself out, so we walked him outside and had a cigarette with him to try to mellow him out. It seemed to help so we went back inside and started watching TV. Mickey, however was stilling thinking his thoughts were being said out loud and it seemed like he felt he was saying things out loud he wanted to keep secret. He stood up and went to the kitchen for the first time.
I've never actually heard of anyone using the frozen piss thing. Well done.
>be me
>fuck teacher
>get her pregnant
Underrated post.
What the fuck is this? Why is the text not green?
Yeah, I fucked up. There were much better ways to go about it.

They were pretty damn shitty dog owners, but they're great people. Feels awkward as shit whenever I speak to them though.
File: 1416797430277.png (258KB, 599x373px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
258KB, 599x373px
im watching you morgan yes i know your name, i know your life.
He came back into the living room with a knife and placed it on the couch. Being friends with Mickey for as long as i had been, I knew that he liked when people thought he was "crazy" the thought that there was a coolness associated with it and reveled in it. I told him he cant be playing with knives right now, brought it back in the kitchen, sat him down in front of the TV and hoped that my backup was arriving shortly. Mickey stood up again and went back into the kitchen
File: 73aa106d34d9_sf_5.jpg (32KB, 480x360px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
32KB, 480x360px
i will rape curtis

My sleep has improved, meeting the neighbors in the stairwell is awkward as fuck though.
File: IMG_1369.jpg (14KB, 300x281px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
14KB, 300x281px
File: disgonbgud.gif (880KB, 360x203px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
880KB, 360x203px
oh god please keep going
File: asian face.png (40KB, 213x200px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
asian face.png
40KB, 213x200px
File: image.jpg (98KB, 540x960px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
98KB, 540x960px
My neighbors dogs bark 24/7. Can confirm will make you insane. I have never had any want to own a gun. I find myself browsing the glass cases at gun stores. Thinking about everything I would do. I want to knock on their door and ask them if they heard a clicking in the walls, then pretend to listen for it. Then pull out the gun and shoot him and his dogs dead. then go up the stairs and do the same to the rest of the buffoons living there. I have come to the conclusion I should use a knife first, so I don't cause unwanted attention from the rest. Silently slit his throat while his dog barks, go inside shutting dog onto porch. Silently ascend the stairs and when they turn expecting their friend they find death instead. If any are women, must rape first. Don't want to go to jail a virgin. Maybe tie her up and continue rape until police come.
>Be 15
>Dad's ex-comes over and stays for like 3 weeks
>has 3 daughters, 12, 9 & 7
>We all go do things over the day and then at night after dinner relax
>Dad & Ex go his room
>Girls make their beds on the couch/floor
>We watch movies, etc.
>Always end up on this big chair.
>12 Year old always ends up in my lap
>Things happen (kissing, fingering, etc)
>2 weeks into 3 week stay
>12 year old is my sister
>all my WTFs @ My dad
>figure its all done
>Night comes, she gets into my lap again
>Puts my hand between her legs
>Before the week is over get and give oral to my half sister
>She starts coming down for a few weeks during summer
>Things keep going until we are banging on a regular basis
old copypasta but a goodie
File: black eye popped.jpg (17KB, 333x333px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
black eye popped.jpg
17KB, 333x333px
>friend has a girlfriend , dating for about a year.
>things are pretty serious
>Sex is in the relationship
>girl is crazy secretly
>boy is sleeping, girl gets the insane idea to shove a green marker up his ass
>instant breakup
He returned to the living room again holding another knife. he didn't put it down until i told him to this time. By now, Nick is starting to freak out and I'm beginning to worry myself. If the agitated mute man on acid continues to play with knives, we can't stay here. I brought Mickey to his parents bedroom, put him in the bed and turned on some music for him. Just as i got back to the living room, Mickey sprinted out of the room and ran into the kitchen. I told Nick to go out to my car and I followed Mickey into the kitchen,
Thank you for pointing that out.

I couldn't handle that pressure

>be at a house party
>go to show
>do drugs
>return to house
>sobering up from rave drugs
>getting super fucking drunk because drugs are not supporting me anymore
>keep drinking for some reason
>sleepy time
>everyone still partying
>need to find a quite place
>bust open some locks in the kitchen
>find stairs
>take them to basement
>see a deflated inflatable mattress
>some ratty cloths strewn about
>some left over bags of chips
>weird but drunk so whatever
>use my hoddie as a blanekt
>vomit in a frizbee
>wake up and leave everything including my sauce

Told him about it and he said he had no clue he even had a basement. Sounded like homeless people were living down there. Nothing crazy but this thread reminded me of the story.
Well you can do that, ya
or complain
or move
Your idea sounds most effective though
>the war dies down a little
>one night my cousin is hanging out, just smokin some greens
>he tips over my fucking bong and breaks it
>not to worrk, he has some space-aged concrete glue. fixes my bong on the spot. nice guy.
>I get an idea. I'm willing to bet this would fuck up a door lock
>Sluts next door are having a party or some shit. all i hear is their music.
>Suddenly, it stops. they all leave. downtown bar or something. now is my time to strike
>I glued the fuck out of that lock
>Come 4am and they're wated. I've been waiting cause no life
>"WTF Sarah, open the fucking door."
>"Im trying, i think it's the wrong key"
>This continues for a solid 20 minutes. My sides are finished.
>Then it happens. My door. Knock knock knock
>Yes yes yes yes
>They're both totally fucking loaded and ask to crash in MY apartment
>"Suck my cock and you can sleep on the balcony."
>Brunette girl "Okay, but I want the sofa"
>Now they're arguing in the hallway. This is a blessing
>Brunette girl won't do it if blondy won't join. Fuck.
>I'm tired. I don't even say anything, they're still arguing.
>Close door. Sit next to door to listen
>They argu and bitch and even knock on my door again. Ignored
>They sleep in the hallway. I win
>Sneak over to them and take one of the girls purse. Didnt take anything
>Next morning, the landlord is changing the lock. I stroll on over
>"Hey Sara."
>"How do YOU know my name?"
>"You don't remember?"
>Hand her purse.
>"Come by again sometime"
>Jaw drops. Pale white. Landlord is in tears holding back laughter
Don't know if fucked up or just funny
>be me 17 at school dance
>be in good shape, abs , big arms etc
>grinding with girlfriend
>"Anon, I'm going to dance with my friends now"
>leave the dance floor and go to the area where betas and people who are afraid to dance hang out
>group of 4/10 females staring at me
>get drink of sweet tea the school had set out , and some fat bish approaches me
>" hey , I was wondering if you want to dance
> I say no thanks and explain I have a girlfriend
> she woddles back teary eyed to her friends who look at me in disgust.
> whatever, fuck them
I walked into the kitchen. The lights were off and Mickey was standing in the middle of the room softly swinging a knife back and forth. I talked to him calmly and slowly, put out my hand and walked toward him, asking for the knife. He picked his head up, looked at me. Lifted his chin and cut his throat in front of me
File: Kid.png (337KB, 476x477px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
337KB, 476x477px
>be in masks being fuck bois
>young and teenagers, why not
>walk through sketchy part of neighbourhood
>yell in some crack bitches face
>get punched
>run away
>never leave my house again in fear
simply genius
pls have more
You mean she hears the same sound as she heard when the hook scratched the car door, but now the car door is the door and the hook is the mans hand? Damn I'm high.
>Year later, im 16, shes 13 (close to 14, her birthday is during summer)
>She makes friends with this girl who is 11 (almost 12)
>Starts bring her over, having sleep overs.
>Only computer is in my room and they always want to stay up to use it
>Pretty much both are sleeping in my bed every night
>Dad never says anything
>Come back from summer school early
>Find sister and friend lesing out
>Hot, watch, soon they want to play a game of who can make me cum through my shorts
>Im getting grinded on by a naked 13 and 11 year old, oh shit
>End up cumming when my sis is grinding on me
>Loser has to "clean me"
>Start to have regular threesomes with them
>Sister leaves, other girl stays for like a week
>She eventually turns me into a pedo, but thats another story
Is Mickey kill?
Moving is expensive. I am broke.
Have complained to both them and landlord. Neither cares.

Slowly I am becoming more and more aware that I will kill them soon. I have nowhere to turn to. If I did, I wouldn't consider murdering them.

I have considered telling them that if they don't shut the fuck up I will kill them. But while I wont be charged for threats (Prove I said it), If they then all died, I'd be the main suspect.
>be on omegle
>with my best friend, both girls
>everyone is being creepy as fuck
>were like 6, so we don't understand
>this creepy 30 year old man comes up
>starts chatting with us
>his face wasn't visible, but he decides to show us
>its our fucking music teacher
>we cry "mr duncan?"
>instant disconnect
>wtf my music teacher is a pedo
File: image.jpg (135KB, 960x720px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
135KB, 960x720px
>we're like 6
jesus christ that's a whole new level of underage b&
yes pls
say it to their faces for no proof
so you are 11.
> later on dance floor talking to buds
>turn around to go find my gf
>suddenly out of nowhere fat bishes short friend approaches me
>" You know , you could have just danced with her, you really hurt her feelings"
> I'm angry at this point cause this dumb hoe is retarded
>just walk away , say nothing .
> find gf, start grinding
>out of fucking nowhere the fat bish just walks in between our ass to dick huddle, just shoves us aside.
>I'm furious
> say "wtf is a matter with you"
>give her a light shove, I swear to god not even that hard
>caught her off balance, she falls and hits the floor with a loud thud
>everyone within 10 feet of me looks
> people run to her help
>her whole right arm was bleeding , and hands looked really red from fall
>she cries and runs to the bathroom
>me a my gf leave.

I never did hear about that again, I thought I'd atleast get questioned about it at school the next day. I would see the girl in the hallway occasionally, but she refused to make eye contact. Fat girls man..
File: k mang.png (292KB, 576x458px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
k mang.png
292KB, 576x458px
Anon you are one of a glorius motherfucker.
Pls dont be lie
but still, pls moar
File: bf8.png (224KB, 358x310px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
224KB, 358x310px
guys op is now 8 ok
i hate fat girls with ugly friends
they make everything such a big deal and think they're so righteous.
File: sp00ky.jpg (8KB, 165x115px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
8KB, 165x115px
That is what I said I would do.....The cops couldn't charge me because no proof. BUT if I then murder them, I am the main suspect. Seeing as them saying I said "I'm going to fucking kill you" is still going to go in a file.
never get drunk with them or you'll reveal your terrible secret
I don't remember his he dropped the knife or if i took it from him, but I grabbed him and brought him outside to my car where Nick was waiting. i didnt know where I was going to bring him or what i was going to do with him once he was in the car, but before I could decide, he jumped out of the car and tried to get back into his house. I tackled him on his front lawn and we battled. He wanted to get up, he wanted to hurt himself. Somehow during this time i called 911 on my phone and was talking to them as we rolled around until i needed both hands and hand to drop the phone. At one point we rolled onto the sidewalk, he began slaming his head on it so I rolled us back onto the grass. Then he started to try to put his fingers in his throat, thats when I got him in a headlock. With all the adrenaline, I mustve started to choke him out when i had him in the headlock because he lost a lot of his energy soon thereafter. The police finally came after what felt like forever. When the ambulance got there they tired him to the gurney and took him away. I was covered in blood and the cops took a pic of my , took my story and told me to leave. I saw Mickey once after this, his complete lack or appreciation or remorse ended out friendship
>kid texts friend
>says he wants to stab her and rape her wounds
>threatens to shoot up school
>school doesn't do anything
>few months go by
>SWAT team comes 2 school
>school goes in lockdown
>much scary
>such fear
>student gets arrested
>says he wants to kill everyone and gut babies
>Accidentally fucking your dad
maybe a couple more because I do have to work in the morning.

>time goes by without much incident. they don't want me to see them
>be about a month later, blondy is at it again
>she tries to use my gorilla door smashing screaming game
>I invented that shit you whore
>Let her run, and wait. Because I live alone and have nothing better to do
>Sure enough, she goes for it again.
>Slowly creeping in, looking back to make sure her door is open and ready for a fast escape
>I didn't prepare much, so I improvise. I reach for my largest kitchen knife
>smashes my fucking door like a rabid hooker on meth
>SWING OPEN DOOR as hard as I can, she falls onto the floor inside my apartment
>As she falls, plunge my fingers deep into my mouth
>Vomit all over her.
>She screams and looks up and sees me, naked as per usual, holding a big ass knife
>She screams like a little bitch, gaging at the scent of my insides.
>She runs home. Very minimal vomit on my floor, she took most of it. so. still win.
>Police show up an hour later, she claims I assaulted her.
>"Officer ... haven't we met before? For the exact same shit?"
>"hey you're right ... you're the working man! That chick still harassing you?"
>"Yeah man, I'm losing sleep. I need my job, this is bullshit"
>"I understand. have a good night, sir"
>He goes to her apartment. I didn't manage to hear what they said, but I did hear her scream at the cops a little bit.
>Something like "He's a fucking maniac!" or similar, I don't remember
>Cops leave building, I peek out my door. She's in the hallway crying. We make eye contact
>Lick my lips and blow a kiss.
>She storms off inside her place

I've never intentionally vomited on somebody before that.
File: 1410289678621.jpg (26KB, 312x342px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
26KB, 312x342px
I kek'd
Post more m8
Well why would you actually murder them?
You wanna get rid of them because they greatly reduce your quality of life. But life is gonna be 10 times worse in prison. Scare them away like this anon
File: image.jpg (32KB, 326x326px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
32KB, 326x326px
Who the fuck spontanesously thinks "Wouldn't it be hilarious to make myself throw up all over this girl?"?
A feminist was born that day
i dont know but its fucking halarious
Best part about this is he called her sweaty
>Me and sis friend keep up relationship since she lives near me
>Dad leaves for work most mornings by 7
>She comes over and we fuck then I drop her off at school and go to school myself (homeroom first period, never had to go, she was in middle school so started super late)
>Soon, as she gets closer to 13 she gets babysitting jobs
>See her less but its cool
>Soon she tells me that she is fooling around with some of the girls she babysits
>My sister used to shave her pussy and so now she likes them bald
>Slowly starts inviting me over, coming up with like roles and shit

>First time, she calls me when she "places" an order for a pizza
>Show up with pizza she doesn't have money
>I "threaten" to call police, she blows me in front of this 7 year old
>7 year old keeps peaking and pretending to run away
>We let her watch when I cum on her face
>She says she has to clean up
>So I make a plate for the 7 year old, have put my cock away but girl is still curious
>Babysitter comes back down, we all three eat pizza
>Soon she starts teasing the 7 year old, rubbing between her legs and touching her, it was pretty obvious she had done it before
>She asks her if she wants to put on a show for the pizza guy
>She agrees
>Soon im watching this almost 13 year old girl licking the bald cunt of some 7 year old
>Pedo-boner bad
>She asks girl if she wants to learn what she did earlier
>Starts teaching this girl to blow me
>God its so hot, watching her feed my cock to some little girl
>Blow load
File: 1412103214712.gif (2MB, 348x323px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2MB, 348x323px
You magnificent bastard
you are a god
A fucking legend
have incestious relationship with my 17yo half-sister, i was 21 at the time)
>fly out of state to visit friends/family
>end up staying at her house for like 3 months
>fuck a whole bunch over the course of 3 months, cum in her nearly everytime
>nearing the end of my visit i decided to stay at a good friends house for the last few days of my stay in town
>she ends up coming over and staying with me, cause she missed me
>my friend lives in a 2 story house, he sleeps upstairs in his room, i was sleeping in his basement.
>she comes over and i had not seen her in about 2 days, we're both horny as fucking hell
>hanging out with friend down stairs (basement) watching movies, gets late and friend goes upstairs to sleep.
>me and her alone down stairs, start making out, taking off clothes etc.
>fuck for what feels like hours
(should be mentioned that she kind of had a rape/bondage fetish)
>wants me to choke her while i fuck her, i do so
>can see shes about to climax, tell her shes not allowed to climax without my permission
(keep in mind we're doing all this with my friend right upstairs)
>could see her fighting back the urge to cum
>start thrusting really hard/fast, then tell her shes allowed to cum
>had to cover her mouth because of her loud orgasm moans
>wants me to cum in her
>let it all out, in her
>afterwards we're just laying down, sun starting to come up, she tells me she hasnt had her period and its been like 3 weeks
>long story short, she ended up being pregnant but said it was her boyfriends. she had a boyfriend the whole time this incest affair was going on.
>ended up having an abortion

we dont talk anymore, and its been like 2 yrs. i kind of feel bad because we were such good friend before we started having sex. it really fucked a lot of things up
File: Jerry Seinfeel.jpg (21KB, 500x381px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Jerry Seinfeel.jpg
21KB, 500x381px
File: image.jpg (26KB, 490x484px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
26KB, 490x484px
this is fucking priceless
File: 1408690412845.jpg (210KB, 1000x1518px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
210KB, 1000x1518px
this is the best thread i've been on in years
>moms birthday party
>filled with 40+ year old women
>I stay home because I cba doing anything
>staying in my room
>gonna go grab something in the kitchen
>walk past living room
>playing nicki minaj or iggy azalea song or whatever
>they're all TWERKING in various positions and laughing
Im white middle class... weirdest moment of my life
Shall we remember this guy as Ian the rekker?
shit is getting wild up in hur
>Soon I come over on most of her babysitting trips
>7 year old, 2x9year olds, 10 year old
>Sometimes I "catch" them and threaten to turn them in - like skinny dipping with one of the 9 year olds
>Sometimes she says im her boyfriend and we let the girl catch us fooling around
>With the 10 year old, I meet her at the mall, flirting with her
>She is so thrilled to be hit on by an older guy

>By the end of the month I am screwing around with all of them. Holy shit. Too good to be true.

>Almost get caught once, we all were screwing around licking things like fudge and whip cream off each other
>Go up stairs and are having a 3 way shower in parents bathroom
>Start fooling around in the shower
>All of a sudden hear "We are home early"
>We run out, my friend quickly dries off, tells me to take girl to her room say she is sleeping
>We run to her room, dry her off, mostly her hair, put her into bed
>Hide in the closet
>Door opens, can see light and a shadow as mom checks on daughter
>I hear my friend explain she used their bathroom cause they got messy playing around outside
>Wait (still naked)
>Door opens again, my cloths get tossed in (they were downstairs)
>Put on boxers and pants, grab shirt and shoes
>Hop out window
>Run to car and wait, give friend a ride home
>We laugh our asses off
>Little girl sleep naked in bed, explains she was hot in the morning
You're fucking disgusting.... continue
Moar detail man.
One morning around Susan DeLucci woke up with a need to urinate. First she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain.
She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, she continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.

She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious.

Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.

Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing.
It is believed by police that two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive physical pleasure.
You could of given him small doses of sleeping pills
instead of hitting a poor doge.
alright fellas, last one for the night.

>About 3 weeks go by and I haven't seen her. I think she takes the stairs now.
>have a few friends over, playin vidya, smokin greens. Good time
>The sluts are having a party, and I swear they've got the speakers against the wall or something.
>We can't even have a conversation at a reasonable speaking level.
>I did my best to ignore them, but I had enough
>Decided to play Mr Nice Guy
>Write a note. It reads "The party doesn't need to stop, but people need to sleep. Keep it chill and drop the volume please?" or some other gay shit.
>Roll a decent joint, put in bag.
>Pin the note and bag onto dor, knock, and return to my place
>Their music gets louder. not even a little bit, like, they cranked it full fucking blast.
>I'm furious. Walk over to their door, the joint is gone
>Get on all fours, smell. Yup, they're smoking my joint
>Friend has an idea. "Wait here guys"
>leaves and comes back with a suitcase
>Inside is, and I swear I can't even make this shit up, viking costumes
>"What the fuck do you need these for?"
>"Skyrim LARP. "
>So my friend is kind of a weirdo, too, but I'm game.
>We play dress-up like fucking children, but I'm kind of high so fuck it.
>There's 4 of us, and we knock on their door.
>Brunette answers.
>Friend is in front, and he's down to fuck shit up. Bursts into their apartment. We all raid it. There must have been 15 people in there, and the speakers are against the wall.
>Viking battle cry from each of us, start smashing the speakers.
>Think we broke a speaker before some guy grabs me and tries to punch me in the face
>Shove him down and we make our way to the door.
>They got us blocked. I push fingers into throat and gag.
>Blondy shouts "FUCK, HE'LL DO IT!! HE'LL DO IT OH MY FUCK!!"
>They let us through
>Before leave, friend shouts "SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS!!!"
>They didn't retaliate. The music didn't stop, but it was finally at a reasonable volume.

At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobsters' tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.

The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period.She gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

bitches be backward. i don't know how many times i've seen women look the wrong way at a stop before pulling out. they don't look the direction that traffic will be coming from. they look the direction traffic is going.
Why were you there? Any more stories/details?
Probably one of the strangest and most detailed stories i've ever read on this site.
After his last post? He's the goddamn Dovahkiin.
>they're making load as fuck noise
>got them smoking weed
Shoulda called the cops and used the noise as a reason to get them to come over, only to find them smoking weed inside, it would have been great.
File: image.jpg (26KB, 490x484px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
26KB, 490x484px
>rumor spreads that a kid brought a gun to school and is gonna cap people at lunch
>they search every car and locker in the school
>find a hunting rifle, weird poetry, and enough ammo to take out a class
>turns out the rumor was started by the guy planning to shoot up the school
>a lot of people think he spread the rumor so he would get caught and not do the shooting
>mfw his brother called in a bomb threat later that day
File: 1415234417893.jpg (19KB, 279x254px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
19KB, 279x254px
someone needs to archive this shit
She shoulda taped this, would have made loads of yen off it.
i demand a fucking screencap...

You sir are a fucking legend m8.
>>Before leave, friend shouts "SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS!!!"


Happy Thanksgiving anon!
Goodnight anon, sweet dreams
If you wanna tell us more then make a thread tomorrow titled
"My 2 annoying neighbors" or something similar
Jesus Fuck
File: cxc.jpg (10KB, 262x192px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
10KB, 262x192px
You are a fucking god among men Ian
You are , gold. Say, record it next time you do this kind of stuff.
>coming home after a good 4th of july party
>pulling into parking space at appartment complex
>get call from buddy to go out
>fuck yeah asshole
>its already 10pm run to my appartment
>see neighbor chick balls deep in smartphone not aware of her surroundings
>as im reaching the stairs i slow down and she sees me
>basically stands there in utter shock
>realize i scared the living shit out of her
>tell her im sorry and that im late for something
>go to appartment, shower and change clothes
>come out in like 15 mins
>at least 3 cop cars are out there looking for attempted rapist
>get asked if i had seen any suspicious activity
>tell cops no and go on my way
>driving to buddys house i realize this bitch called the cops on me and i was the suspect
>mfw i almost raped a bitch without knowing
They were smoking too though
too risky
saved, thank you.
File: efef.png (50KB, 491x388px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
50KB, 491x388px
File: ye.jpg (5KB, 100x100px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
5KB, 100x100px
>lick my lips and blow her a kiss
10/10 would smoke trees and fuck with bitches with
>My "friend" who is the babysitter lets call her Melissa instead of just friend
>10 year old is Julie
>They go to the mall near our house to watch a movie then have dinner at the food court
>No interest in movie but say ill meet them afterwards
>So i see them and grab food, sit away from them, but keep making eye contact with Julie
>Melissa sees me and winks, keeps trying to get Julie to come talk to me
>She won't is like super red faced
>So I come over, tell her how pretty she is
>Ask if they are sisters and what they are going to do for the night
>Get invited back to their place to go swimming
>I had swimming shorts in the car, girl never seemed to figure out why
>Give them a ride back, they go up and change
>So we swim and I keep flirting with Julie
>We start playing games like who can swim the fastest, hold their breath the longest, silly stuff
>But every time they lose they have to take something off
>Soon we are all swimming naked
>Sit on the first step, Melissa comes hopping into my lap, my cock sticking out in front of her pussy
>We are kissing and making out
>Can see Julie is clearly not thrilled since I was mostly flirting with her
>She comes over and starts grabbing my cock
>Melissa shows her how to properly jack me off
>Melissa starts to blow me while I pull Julie up and make out with her
>Oops, Cum right in Melissas mouth
>Gives cum-kisses to Julie who just seems to at this point want to make us both happy
>We go inside, have a little pussy licking train, me on Julie, her on Melissa
>Switch, Julie blows me while Melissa licks her and I finger Melissa
>Eventually talk Julie into anal sex, so tight
>End up cumming all over her butt
>We shower together, get another blowjob, get to eat some bald pussy
fucking rapist
>fucking with this guy as a joke
>he starts being serious
it is done, my master

also nice trips
You are a god amongst men
That's weird man, other than the shove (part time gf that was grinding on me jumped fatty's ass) I had the exact same experience, right down to the friend trying to guilt me. Fuckin' fatty friends, man..

A legend was born tonight
This will be remembered by all /b/rothers, and told at all best of 4chan threads!
many thanks

thanks gents.
that was the last BIG event, there was some petty shit here and there, but they moved out a short while later.

Moral of the story, if your neighbor says hi, don't be a fucking asshole about it. Say hi, move on, don't get puked on.

.. and i'd love it if someone could screencap this, for future luls
I don't really know how
but this anon did it!
File: Untitled.png (301KB, 2147x1823px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
301KB, 2147x1823px
Fantastic filename, too.

Thank you and good night
>start hearing voices
>trying to kill me
>panic for hours
>slice own throat because they said they were gonna torture me
>didnt die
>voices went on for days

>on zero drugs
>havn't drank for 5 days
>welcome to hardcore alcohol withdrawal
What? 10 people stood in the elevator for 10 minutes?
File: Monster.jpg (16KB, 400x301px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
16KB, 400x301px
You and your friends are pure comedy gold
Say pal, you shoulda like, i dont know, make comedy and shit. Better than any history ive readed or any comedy show ive ever watched.
this is the best thing to come out of /b/ all year, came to fap stayed for the story thanks man you are fucking glorious
>Most of this goes on for like 18 months
>Soon though Melissa becomes a most-time lesbian
>We still occasionally fuck, but she starts inviting her lesbian girlfriend to these things, fuck.
>However, a couple of the girls we fulled around with, including Julie from the above story starts getting babysitting jobs
>Phone rings...$$$!
>When It was time to go to college (i graduated at 19 as I started school a year late) it was one of the hardest things to fucking do
>I'm banging like 5 underage girls
>But I get accepted into a good school out of state
>Oh god
>Eventually though I choose to leave the state and go to college.
>However, whenever I go back for things like spring break and summer/winter vacation, my friends always get mad cause I don't spend much time with them
>But they don't understand
>15 year old Julie now still babysits
>14 year old Katie (one of the 9 year olds) still babysits
>Both still invite me over, even if both have boyfriends now
>Can't refuse that offer
>me and my friend chilling in his room during the summer
>his room is an addition to the house so the roof is flat
>hear little pitter patters on roof and I ask what's up
>he tells me that some pigeons made a nest up there and live there now
>they shit and walk around at night and it drives him crazy
>fast forward to later that week
>we're playing with an airsoft gun in his backyard
>for fun I shoot at a bird but it is too weak to hurt it
>bring out a BB gun and shoot at the bird, we miss like 10 times
>finally hit the bird in the neck
>it limps over to the roof of his room
>we get a ladder and climb up there
>shit everywhere
>bird is laying down
>we blind fire like 4 times trying to hit the bird (ladder wasnt tall enough)
sorry about your uncle, those coal haulers run some hard miles. people are stupid, my dad drives trucks as well
>Blondy shouts "FUCK, HE'LL DO IT!! HE'LL DO IT OH MY FUCK!!"
Motherfucking glorious!
>girl is giving guy head
>super drunk
>starts to gag
>throws up all over his dick
>passes out
File: image.jpg (17KB, 274x229px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
17KB, 274x229px
I love you
In ridiculously good shape, age 18.
Going to college, taking a girl out to a party.
Tries to impress her by drinking 9 beers in about 5 minutes.
Feel fine for about 2 hours.
Suddenly feel sick and say brb.
Spew enormous amounts all over the dorm halways floor and even more in the bathroom for about half an hour.
Wake up the next day.
"Oh man theres vomit all over the floors out here, was that you?"
No no fuck that shit thats gross. lulz
>we get a bigger ladder and climb all the way up
>bird is laying dead with its wounded mom bird and its babies
>one baby is dead and the others are shaking
>mom bird just looks at us breathing hard
>mom is going to die and babies are too young to live by themselves
>we one by one execute all of the birds by blowing off their heads
Gr8 b8 m8
Hah great story man. I wish I had balls to do weird shit like that.
Holy fuck!!
>fake bish at my school
>always acting better than everyone
>her skin is literally orange, she wears conceler on her lips
>meh.jpg, she's bitchy but who am i to judge
>in highschool
>probably drunk as fuck, she hits a guy in her car and he dies
File: do not want.jpg (21KB, 450x322px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
do not want.jpg
21KB, 450x322px
pleasuring yourself with a live lobster...
File: 1416795596219.png (123KB, 702x597px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
123KB, 702x597px
how about this?
>1571604▶>>581572118 >>581572126 >>581572619 >>581572927 >>581573202 >>581573547 >>581576428 >>581578448
>Aight fuckers, here we go.
i hope you die a painful painful death you sick fuck i hope your kids get raped with knives and you have to watch
fuck, dude
>Be me normal guy
>sitting at home Saturday afternoon
>decide I'm going to get up and do housework
>got my Godtier music playing
>when I hear a knock on the door
>dogs are going fucking crazy
>open door and see some kid selling chocolate for school
>little nig-nog trying to sell me chocolate
>not racists but having a nig answer the door is not normal, niggers don't live in my area

Why would you feel like shit?
>meet this girl a long time ago
>straight up tells me she's a slut, alright whatever
>we hangout a bit but I'm younger so we stop
>years later, she's a meth addict
>all these crazy drama Facebook posts daily
>now she's pregnant
File: unhappy frog.jpg (195KB, 500x484px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
unhappy frog.jpg
195KB, 500x484px
Beta stories time. Share your beta stories /b/.
I'll start with mine:

>be 28
>be with girl for about 2 years
>we go to party
>she ends up drinking more than me
>she separates from me
>finally see her in front of house with tall guy
>"anon, this is charlie a friend from college"
>we go back to our apartment, with charlie
>my gf and him have soo much to talk about, while i can only nod and occasionally laugh at the jokes they make
>"well im going to bed, b.b.babe lets go"
>"i'll be right there"
>stay awake to hear them talk
>"did he fall asleep?"
>I can hear them fucking
>she later comes to bed, an hour later
>never talk about it again ever
>implying i didn't jack off to the point where i'm now infertile
Your story got progressively worse
>girl at school starts drama
>everyone wants to fight her
>she keeps saying she's going to fight them
>says she's pregnant to avoid it
>does Molly at school
>while apparently pregnant
>in grade 10
>switches schools
>everyone still hates her
>comes to old school to fight
>200 people are waiting for her
>hides in restaurant
>says she's pregnant again
>calls police because she's scared
>tried to spit on police officer and hit them
>gets thrown on the ground and arrested
>screams "YOU KILLED ME BABY!"
>one of her friends gets so mad she has a seizure
Be me Fifteen years ago
> I was thirteen years old, Just got back from school.
>Usually no one is home for at least 3 more hours after I arrive.
>My cousin was home.. she was 20 years of age. She was staying with us for a couple of days (She was moving into her new place).
>She was sitting on the couch watching WWE Wrestling (Don't care!).
>I sat down next to her and opened up my study packet. I already did the homework in class and I was just looking over it.
>She pulls me over and hugs me from behind. I felt her chest pressed against my back, and her arms across my chest, holding onto my shoulders.
>She asked me how was my day at school.. "Fine" would have been my usual response.
>She teasingly asked me if I had a girlfriend and if I ever been with a girl. "no" would of been my usual response back then.
>She then proceeded to ask me if I like girls and how much I know.. Of course these questions made me feel uneasy but I felt her cheek pressing up against mine.
>She asked me if I ever done anything with a girl.. "No".
>She asked me if I was interested..."I don't know".
>I felt her kissing the side of my neck.. and one of her hands made it's way to my thigh, sliding ever so higher to my crotch with each caress.
great story so far...
>I was stunned at first, after a minute I slowly turned my head to face her, she placed her lips on mine.
> I was wearing shorts that day, and her hand went up the sleeve, she started to caress my crotch. slowly rubbing it.
> She asked me if I can keep a secret
> She was jerking me off
> "of course" i said
> "good" she said
> She stopped and started watching the TV again
> I stared at her for a minute and not a word was said
> We never talked about that day
File: troll.jpg (10KB, 235x214px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
10KB, 235x214px
her face when
also, ya blew it
sounds like a real bitch
File: 1415354481714.jpg (13KB, 240x250px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
13KB, 240x250px
what a waste
how do you let something like that happen
if you can't even discuss it with her, you fucking deserve it. Grow some, man.
>, mov
>With my family at my Uncle's house
>Aunt just died and everyone is grieving
>Never met this side of my family before
>Everyone was gathered outside
>i stay inside because I didnt care
>about an hour later my cousin comes downstairs
>barely dressed because everyone should be outside
>she sees me and screams
>i looked at her shocked too
>she starts covering up and I try to look away
>she asks me who I am
>mfw she's never met me before
>I look back at her and say
>”I'm just one of your Dad's friends”
>she begins to calm down slightly
>”Thank god! I thought you might be related”
>”It would be weird for any of my relatives to see me like this”
>i agree and ask her why she isn't outside with the others
>she tells me how abusive her parents are to her
>I nod and agree, trying to seem like I care
>I tell her how I didn't really like her mother either
>She says, “Well we can just hang out in here then.”
>”Everyone will be outside for a few more hours”
>I ask her if she's going to get dressed a little more
>She blushes and runs upstairs
>of course
>good afternoon sir I'm selling candy for a school fundraiser
>ask that nig why he is in my neighborhood
>nig says he goes to the local school which is a lie, all white and Mexican community no bugs
>call nig on his bullshit
>nig comes clean and says he's not from the area but from about 5 miles away
>so now I'm pissed because this little nig has been lying to me
>tell the nig to fucking leave
>nig says he really just needs to sell a few more candy bars
>fine i ask him how much he needs to make
>that little nig tells me "about tree fitty"
>that's when I realized this little nig was about 500 feet tall and from the Paleolithic era
>at my school, shit goes down daily
>rich school, you'd think it'd be nice
>but the kids are total shit heads and fuck everything up
>teachers are on the verge of breakdowns
>tardwranglers cant control the tard army that well either
>tards often roam the school, causing chaos
>one tards puts apples down toilets, floods the whole school
>this other retard has anger issues
>he spazzes when you call him his real name
>needs to be called "dingy"
>one time, he tried to stab a teacher with scissors for calling him his real name
>not even suspended
>but the worst was this one time
>this tard went nuts, and grabbed this metal pole from the volleyball nets
>starts swinging it at the principal at recess
>principal gets hit a few times
>teachers all run at him, and try to pin him down
>he is screaming "DINGYYYYYY" all through this
>eventually, they hold him down and everyone is safe
>all the kids are starting, wtf.jpg
>kid doesn't even get in trouble, just gets his dad called on him
>be in amsterdam
>go to prostitute
>talk the her a bit
>says I'm a nice guy and shouldn't do this
>friendzoned by prostitute
Thank you so much anon for saving this god tier story!
>be me a senior in HS
>know how to play guitar fairly well
>use skills to attract the girls
>one day a qt3.14 decides to sit next to me in Spanish
>say hi and get to know her, all the usual stuff
>has a broken family, parents divorced, she's really stuck up towards everyone else but me
>we really hit it off
>go out on a few dates
>I would always pick her up on her mom's front porch
>she's my girlfriend now
>fast forward to end of year
>I'm sad, won't see her much during the summer
>call her up in the middle of July
>hey anonette wanna come down to my house
>my parents aren't home
>she says yes
>my heart is beating like crazy from nervousness
>remember the guitar I just recently bought, decide to get it out to cool my nerves
>have it because me and some guys from school usually played together and this was my first decent instrument
>strumming away, I remember anonette is on her way
>decide to play it cool and just leave the door open
>I sat down and played my guitar again, pretending I didn't see her walk in
>I got my first real six string
>bought it at the five-and-dime
>played it till my fingers bled
>it was the summer of '69
didn't warn your uncle?
File: fps.png (149KB, 500x750px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
149KB, 500x750px
>i bolt for the kitchen to look for a candle or something
>I'm desperate to make it romantic in any way I can
>I'm opening cabinets quickly and as quietly as I can
>i open one cabinet and all sorts of cans fall out
>she runs downstairs to see what had happened
>she's only wearing a loose t-shirt now, and perfume
>i try to pick them all up in a panic but she sees me.
>”What the hell are you doing?!”
>i stammer and try to process a fucking legit response
>”I was looking for the cups”
>I could feel my face getting red now, but she seemed to buy it
>”Well we need to pick this cans up first”
>she bends over right in front of me and starts collecting cans
>My fucking autist mind tells me to touch her ass
>She stands up straight
>”Did you just touch me?!
>”Yeah, sorry if that was weird. It's just instinct I guess”
>My face is getting red again
>I slowly grab her ass again
>she starts shaking
>She sets the cans on the counter and turns around
>i slowly stand up and push her against the counter
>she kind of pushes me away, but I just press her against the cabinets
File: 1262522613993.jpg (26KB, 480x360px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
26KB, 480x360px
>i slide my hand up her shirt and feel dem titties
>9/10 atleast
>I rip her shirt off and lift her onto the counter
>i pull her panties down and throw them on the ground
>i start licking her pussy and my dick feels like it's about to bust out of my pants
>she starts shaking a little, like she's nervous
>she pushes my head away and looks scared
>i shove her hand away and continue
>she pushes me away again and tells me to please stop
>i dont care anymore and slap her as hard as I can
>she knocks all of the cans over and hits the ground really hard
>she starts kicking at me but I just shove her legs away
>i start fingering her and holding her down
>she starts crying and keeps trying to pull herself away
>she screams as loud as she can
>i panic and start apologizing
>she keeps screaming, and I put my hand over her mouth to shut her up
>I hear voices approaching the house
>Her dad flies into the house and spots me on the floor with his daughter
You fucker you
File: BonAppetit.jpg (249KB, 1500x1456px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
249KB, 1500x1456px
>I get up quickly and back up against the cupboards
>her Dad is so fucking pissed
>a bunch of the family has gathered inside the house now
>He starts walking towards me, looking around for something to hurt me with
>Instead he just balls his hand into a fist and hits my right in the mouth
>i fall on the floor and I can feel the blood rushing out of my lip
>he kicks me in my stomach and then lifts his foot up and stomps my arm
>he bends over and picks up a can
>It's fucking Ravioli
>what a way to die
>he stares down at me, his face is fucking bright red
>he punches me one more time, and then lifts the can over his head
>my vision and hearing were completely fuzzy
>With the can in his hand, ready to finish me off with it
>He whispers, in a menacing voice...
>Pasta La Vista, baby
Por Que?
some body already posted it to reddit, fucking asshole
man you are a faggot
wait so you became the black kid selling chocolates and a black guy answered the door?
Was her name Mary Kay?
If it was, you and I smoked weed together while she was in prison.
File: Goose puking.jpg (22KB, 484x461px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Goose puking.jpg
22KB, 484x461px
That makes ME want to approach them while they're fucking, shoot the guy in the face and slit my throat in front of your Girlfriend
I was here when you told us your story.

It was glorious, and you'll be in ylyl threads for years to come
has to be copypasta
File: edgy.jpg (237KB, 917x720px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
237KB, 917x720px
easy, cowboy
File: image.jpg (29KB, 304x304px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
29KB, 304x304px
You are now a part of 4chan history

And so am I
Guy at my school ate out a hoe after putting starburst into her snatch....he scooped out a herpes sack instead and making it burst
Maybe they'll exclude you from the picture how would you feel then ah?
File: meme.png (63KB, 500x420px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
63KB, 500x420px
File: 1414317337103.jpg (47KB, 600x357px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
47KB, 600x357px

Answer this question for me, why are females so emotionally draining? I feel like whenever a girl and I start to develop a bond, I become emotionally drained. Am I the only one like this?
Does anyone know how to combat this?

Inb4 "Stop being a faggot."
File: e9gpvl.gif (402KB, 211x199px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
402KB, 211x199px
>be freshman in college a few years ago
>have huge 300 lb. fat fuck for roommate
>plays my xbox, beats off when I'm gone, broke my futon---fat fuck
>near end of year, start banging this chick
>one night, fat fuck is gone and I'm like, "Hell, ya! I got the dorm to myself"
>text ladyfriend to come over since fat fuck wasn't home
>fuck for hours on end until...
>fat fuck comes home bombed near 2 am in the morning
>walks in on me and ladyfriend doing it in the top bunk (bunking beds in dorms is bad idea)
>doesn't realize what's going on cause he's a fat drunk fuck
>after drunkenly talking to us, he proceeds to piss on his mountain of dirty laundry
>This fat fuck couldn't make it down to the bathroom, three doors down!
>Be two weeks from finals.
>Ladyfriend invites me over to her single room dorm to stay the last two weeks.
>Most sex I have ever had in my young life, in a two week span
>Go to room only when necessary, ie. when fat fuck had class

Moral of the story, have a ladyfriend to fall back on when your fat fuck roommate pulls a stunt like that. I should have switched rooms after one semester with the tub of shit. Happy Thanksgiving /b/
File: 1357863641597.jpg (32KB, 398x500px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
32KB, 398x500px
Image saved, awaiting distribution in future best of 4chan threads.
I can't sleep -__-
srsly? where?
and nobody but my nerdy friends will ever know it was me. I love that
>be me
>be collegefag
>get an email saying I was accused of rape
>I'm like what the fuck, I never raped a bitch
>go to dean's office so she can take my statement, find out the complaint was from 3 years ago and the girl only reported it now because she read the definition of rape in a campus-wide email
>they tell me the girl's name, I realize it's this girl who's been giving me a smug smile and going out of her way to say hi to me for the last year. Was confused as fuck why she did that because I barely knew her, realized in retrospect it was because she knew she was going to report me
>luckily I remembered most things about the night, tell dean the whole story. Basically this girl hit on me, we went back to my room and made out, I tried to finger her and she said no after 5 seconds so I stopped and she left. I was confused at the time but I never thought it was fucked up
>after I'm done dean gives me her statement, I find out she asked me back to my room and I asked her if she wanted to make out before I kissed her, I'm sitting there like what the fuck
>dean tells me this shit is serious business, warns me I'll probably be suspended or kicked out and possibly charged. I'm shitting myself at this point
>Week later get my verdict, apparently I got off light because they looked at my psych records and I'd told a counselor about having been long-term depressed, having irrational guilt about hooking up, being suicidal and shit, they assumed it was because of the rape so they didn't really punish me
>2 weeks later a campus-wide campaign starts because kids think rapists are being treated too lightly at this school, start getting dirty looks from a lot of random bitches and realize it's because the girl told a lot of people about me
>now I'm afraid to go outside and getting depressed again
I got boned dude
we must wait a few days
Any more stories?
When i went to loose my virginity to a hooker i got quite drunk. She pushed my head down to her pussy and i ate her out. I wasnt even thinking (derp). After i ate her out she said get on your back. Yaaaay im gonna get a blow job, but it was just that thing when she puts a condom on your dick with her mouth. Daaamn. Then i started fucking her doggy style. Oh my god i didnt feel a god damn thing. I started to have whiskey dick. Then i started panicking and kept fucking. I somehow managed to keep a semi flacid dick. Then all of a sudden she tooks the condom off and starts jerking me off. She was all like "cmon finish already" I kinda squirted 1 or two drops when i came. Ive never had sex after that. Does this mean im like a half virgin ?
Don't let this shape you and you will ascend it.
Stand tall. If questions land on your doorstep answer them firmly. Did you rape a girl? No. So you're not going to live like it.

I could go on but if you can't take what iIve already written and run with it you're a helpless piece of shit anyways.
I forgot to say that i was worried for like 6 months after that for STDs
File: trips.png (251KB, 1092x746px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
251KB, 1092x746px
bask in my trips, you dirty fucking niggers
>Be me
>Have routine everyday at school
>Everyday before math I post up and check my phone/reddit/text for 45 seconds
>Fucktard at my school gets phones banned during school hours
>Get early to math everyday
>Stand there awkwardly, have to make small talk

I fucking hate small talk, what the fuck do I do /b/?
Agreed. The best legends take time to establish.
>i love you sweaty
I would cri evry tiem :^(
What a crock of shit
my boyfriend always types "i love you sweaty" when were texting...compliment/insult, I'm never sure
Trips happen ever ten minutes faggot. Stop acting so new...
this is not true
you look even more wierd glued to your phone all the time
Ok /b/ this is a story I haven't told anyone because I don't fucking dare to...


>Get accepted to college
>O'boy time to start my own life
>Got cheap apartment in shitty area, lots of crime and immigrants
>Just moved in, have only bed, tv and kitchen table
>Huge family of blacks is my new neighbors
>Never talked to a black person
>They throw a huge party (they did every other weekend)
>Living at the bottom floor, people are leaving the party and passing by my apartment on their way out
>Go to nearby gas station to buy some bears
>Come home, realize I forgot to lock the door
>Fucking Panic. Nig nogs probably looted my crib.
File: project nigger.jpg (95KB, 698x960px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
project nigger.jpg
95KB, 698x960px

File: 1282010613627.jpg (25KB, 300x300px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
25KB, 300x300px
I got one to top it off

>pretend to be gf
>texting someone she used to have class with but rarely sees now
>make up a bunch of shit like how i (she) fucked her cousin and college professor and guys behind walmart
>dude goes along with it because he thinks its me because im on gf's facebook
>gf finds out from guy later
>mfw i dont have a gf anymore
File: 1411132586654.jpg (48KB, 500x375px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
48KB, 500x375px
>be me, 20yo
>partying hard at friends apartment
>make friends with some girls
>i decide to stay, pass out on sofabed
>wake up next day
>realize im sleeping next to two chicks
>realize i have no boxers on
>i just had my first threesome
>i dont remember shit
>ask them casually if we had sex
>they laugh at me
>"na anon, we just removed your boxers to make you more comfy *sneaky smile*"

mfw they raped/abused me while i was passed out on alcohol and laughed about it afterwards
Thread posts: 256
Thread images: 61

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.