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>random guy in shit tier iron armor shows up one day saying

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 117
Thread images: 49

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>random guy in shit tier iron armor shows up one day saying a dragon is burning down a city
>don't know why the guards let him in
>figure I can throw another body at my court wizard so I shuffle him over
>Comes back with arrows sticking out of his body and holding the tablet out for my court wizard like its nothing
>Hear reports someone killed literally every bandit, rat, wolf, and rabbit between here and the spot he was sent
>I now need to get this pain immune lunatic murderer out of my city.
>Dragon shows up
>Send the guy out on a suicide mission to kill a dragon
>End of my worries
>He comes back, apparently having killed the dragon and eaten its soul
>According to reports just stood there and let the dragon burn him while chugging addictive and dangerous health potions he made himself.
>Now standing in front of me eating an entire bushel of apples, two loaves of bread, and an entire side of beef while everyone looks on in horror and disgust
>Need to get him away from my children as fast as possible
>Tell him he needs to climb the tallest mountain in Skyrim and stay with the Graybeards
>He leaves without a word
>Hopefully thats the last I'll see of him.
In b4 Imperial takeover
Don't even care if this is copypasta im in tears
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My sides are in orbit.
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Fucking lel'd!
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I request more sir
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The fuck am i laughing at?
I never run sø fåst in my lief.
I can't get over
>According to reports just stood there and let the dragon burn him while chugging addictive and dangerous health potions he made himself.
I just have this picture of my dragonborn standing there chain chugging potions like hes doublefisting beers
>be me
>be friendly giant
>hitting the mushrooms and the tree jelly hard while minding the mammoth herd
>hear brother scream in anger and then silence
>LOL he must be having a bad trip
>eventually pass out and wake up as fresh as mammoth milk straight from the tit
>wander over to wear brother was
>brother is dead his toes are gone
>look around mammoths are dead
>camp is looted
>fuck this shit don't need that kind of stress today
>return to my cave to rinse and repeat drug abuse
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>his toes are gone

I'm crying.
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All my keks
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Comon now, continue with the Dragonborn story.
Unless this is him looting the Giant camp between Whiterun and The Greybears
oh god please more
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OP, please continue
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I've got a bunch of these
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I grabbed an apple off his table by accident, not even picked up just moved it with the object grab, and he sent thugs to kill me...

Still excited to see me when I enter his store
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YEs please
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Okay, now for a real challenge. When the dragon/b/orn comes back, how he reacts.
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Fucking thief. Hope you die
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>be me
>chillin in wasteland
>friends looting bodies of recent kills
>suddenly some fool shows up
>wearing dirty power armor
>carrying 10 assault rifles, 50 coke bottles, 5 laser rifles, and 200 bent tin cans
>suddenly time is slowed down
>shoots all of my friends in the head perfectly with hunting rifle
>shout "tear em apart!"
>pulls out fucking nuclear catapult
>wastes me
>takes my clothes and leaves me in lying there naked
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seriously I hate couriers.
i logged 500 hours into skyrim before i got bored. what are some mods that would make me want to play again
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get a good nude patch. Fill your HD with bmps of vaginas in every position

This is gold. Someone screencap.
Thread of the night IMO
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>be me picking wheat
>Jarl is having a huge feast
>Jarl is an asshole and says i need to fill his quota by the end of the day
>really busy
>some weird looking fucker in jester clothes breaks down by my farm
>asks me for help
>nope.jpeg I'm way too busy and he was just too much of a sketchy fucker
>couple hours later some guy in Ebony armor stops by
>asks me to assist the jester fucker
>tell him I'm too busy to help him
>guy rants about his 90 speech skill
>for some reason i get compelled to help jester
>guy in ebony armor picks all my wheat like nothing and runs off to forest to the north
>can't do nothing because about it because guards don't care about strangers taking crop
>wasted all day getting that wagon going
>missed my quota
>jarl punished me by taking my wife as a sex slave
>fuck that guy in the ebony
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last one of my Traveling with Lydia collection. I have one more I saved I'll share but it isn't from the same author
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>Sean Bean approaches me

lost my shit
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for fun. I'll keep in my folder.
every once in a while i spot some white blood cells still fight ing the good fight. good on you anon
Lel, nice one
keep em coming

>orc manlet

My sides
> Be Whiterun Guard.
> Have awful night shift patrolling outside of Jorrvaskr.
> Fucking Heimskr running his mouth again.
> I almost want to tell him to go home.
> Suddenly hear loud roar, me and other guards go into a panic. Fucking Heimskr still shouting his nonsense.
> A fucking werewolf suddenly appears out of Jorrvaskr.
> Shitshitshit
> We fire arrows at it, but it completely ignores us, and instead, goes right for Heimskr.
> Heimskr finally shuts his mouth long enough to run.
> Werewolf catches up to him and kills him with one swipe of his claw, despite us still firing arrows at him.
> Werewolf proceeds to eat his heart.
> Afterwards, just beats Heimskr's body around while we are still firing arrows at him.
> Suddenly werewolf fucking vanishes.
> Guards confused as fuck.
> Fuck night shift.

Oh god I remember this thread...I feel so bad right now
T3nd0s SkyRe and PeMa
But what does this mean for us?
Do continue

Gonna need a side transplant
>Be Greybeard
>Chilling on the tallest mountain we could find, better here than joining those idiotic giants space program
>They're going to get no-where I tell you
>Get hungry, decide to go for a snack
>Walking along and accidentally stub toe
>Scream the ever living fuck out of the castle
>People run over face-palming
>Tells me some bullshit about a prophecy
>lolwut bullshit m8
>Shrug it off
>Probably fake anyhow
>I mean why would someone know to come up here, onto this huge ass mountain, after hearing someone shout?
>Eh, back to doing genuinely nothing all day
>Suddenly a random fucking nudist winds up in our courtyard on a horse
>The fucker literally climbed up and over a mountain using a god damn horse!
>Whatever, fuck it
>walk over to him
>About to tell him about the prophecy, alduin and his powers
>Before I get one word into my speech the fucker cuts me off and starts jumping in circles
>Fuck this shit
>Give him shout spell
>About to tell him a generic "with great power comes great responsibility" spiel
>but he runs off, beats his horse unconscious, cut's it open, shoves his shit inside of it, pulls a plate out of no-where, headbutts a wall and disappears
>Fuck this shit
>I'm just going to sit down and hope to repress all of what I just witnessed
I miss Skyrim so fucking much now
>Be me
>Be Lydia
>Husband spent all day running through streams, catching very specific fish
>Whatever, not the weirdest thing he's ever done
>Goes home, plays around with alchemical laboratory
>Puts clothes on, takes them off, drinks potions, repeats
>Does this 15-20 times
>Runs to the nearest smith
>Drinks new potion, then upgrades a random shitty ass dagger
>Attacks me with it
>I have badass armor and a badass sword, so I attack the fucker
>Kills me in one hit
>Strips me naked, leaves my body to rot
>Nobody even cares.
I love you
I care, I love Lydia.
jesus christ this sums it up nicely doesn't it
That this thread is better
Many keks
Give moar
Sorry if you posted it, but do you have the one where the dragonborn goes to a town and helps kill the dragon but accidentally hits a npc and they all turn on him?
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my sides
>start game
>8/10 gfx
>4.5/10 story
>3/10 gameplay
>giants space program

>be virtuous lad
>spend 20 years fighting barbarians to protect my homeland
>suddenly feel burning pain on my knee
>can't kneel
>can't properly bang wifey anymore
>wifey leaves with some cool cat
>sense of justice leads me into city watch
>spend 20 years arresting thieves
>pay no mind to naked guy searching my front pockets
>my back pockets
>my pocket pockets
>suddenly soft breeze hits my nipples
>mfw i'm wearing no armor
>wtf where did armor go
>take weapon out to look for light-fingered thief
>mfw no weapon
>negros start laughing at me with ridiculous hats
>they even have curved swords
>i guess it was just my imagination
>curved swords



>only 500 hours
>Be at home in solitude
>Not massively rich, but I hold my own
>Walking around house
>See someone in my house grabbing all of my shit
>Even the stuff worth literally nothing
>Literally god damn nothing!
>Yell at him to piss off
>Grab my sword
>He lobs a fireball at me
>Guards show up
>He starts backpedaling towards the room I keep all my valuables
>About to hit him
>He turns around and grabs a lockpick
>Why have the guards stopped?
>Why can't I move?
>What the fuck?!
>Not even the torch on the wall behind me is flickering!
>But he still seems to be able to fiddle with my lock!
>Must be a powerful sorcerer to stop time
>keeps trying to pick the lock, fucker doesn't realize it's the best lock I could buy
>keeps trying anyway
>A small pile of used lockpicks are beginning to pile up on floor
>I swear to god when I can move again, I'm going to fuck this guy up
>He opens the door
>What was I doing here again?
>Eh, whateve--
>Try to attack him
>Runs out front door
>Well back to being middle class I suppose
>be me
>be horse chilling in whiterun stable eating some hay
>some random fucker breaks down the gate and jumps on me
>fuck he's heavy, continually pulls out random shit
>steals me and takes me up some weird road and kills a shitload of random people
>entire time gains random blocks of cheese apples cabbages ect
>never gives me anything to eat, at this point I am slowly starving to death
>suddenly rides me up a cliff
>no idea how but I am going straight up
>lol who gives a fuck
>rides me to top if a huge ass mountain
>we get to top and I am exhausted, no food for days and the dude riding me weighs at least 400 pounds
>finally gets off, breatime.scroll
>without warning shouts, I fly off a cliff and die.
>I am kill
8/10 lulz
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>Be me
>Just tying to make a living, may have angered some people
>hide in Whiterun
>tfw they come after me
>some half naked idiot Nord offers to help me
>with any luck he'll kill the leader so they'll leave me alone
>fast forward to the next day
>Nord tells me he couldn't stop them and they entered the city
>he has an escape plan
>we meet at the stables
>mfw it's a trap
>mfw I'm going to be executed
OP was a pretty cool guy today
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I think this is the right one
> be me
> be dragon
> flying around bored af
> lel people getting beheaded in random town square
> lol fuk it Ima blow this town up
> fly in, dramatic as fuk.
> land on the castle
> dragonshout.webm
> shit flying everywhere
> people running
> human feces is scattered throughout because the immense fear
> survivors running
> shit I should kill them
> ah shit left my oven on
> fly away fast as shit hoping wife isn't pissed
> should have killed those survivors
> eh fuk it. It'l be alright
> not like any of them were a dragonborn or some shit.
fuck i just realized i deleted my skyrim save file GOD DAMNIT
>killed the dragon and eaten its soul
>eating an entire bushel of apples, two loaves of bread, and an entire side of beef
i chuckled.
>Be me
>Random business owner
>This half naked Nord faggot enters my store
>Walks around, not doing anything
>I get bored, look the other way
>Turn back, display case with valuable goods is open
>Always keep it locked, but it doesn't really matter
>Nord picks up the sword I had stored inside and walks to where I can't see him
>None of my business, probably just admiring it
>Comes back, I don't see him holding the sword
>Must have just put it down somewhere
>Leaves the store, we cool
>Leave the display case open, doesn't really matter that much
>Never found sword, must have just misplaced it or something
i dont get it. console commands?
Have you ever seen anyone actually walk through a door in any bethesda game ever?
everything stops when you try and pick a lock.
i paid 60 bucks for skyrim a while back but have only played for like 6 hours, can't get into it
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Nobody breaks the law on my watch!
Pay the court a fine, or serve your sentence.
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What will it be, lawbreaker?
>I the lawbreaker attempt to steal your dagger
Fuck you
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Fus Ro Armsupdon'tshoot
> be me
> drunk as fuck at the Bannered Mare
> tavern is poppin tonight
> hotties walkin by me
> nice blouses
> slightly aroused
> chug more brews
> slowly gaining confidence
> maybe I can get laid tonight
> ohfukyea.jPG
> see 9/10 wood elf chick eye balling me
> actually 4/10 dark elf.
> so drunk
> need to impress now
> drunker
> she keeps eyeing me
> gonna fuck this bitch out back.
> get ready to slip deadly poison in her drink
> doorsflyopen.webm
> who the fuck is this fagit.
> in walks, khajiit with mohawk
> realize this is my chance to impress everyone in the tavern
> drunker than ever
> catman walks over to me
> wants to know if he can do a quest for me
> much disrespect
> pissed
> drunker
> fight me bitch I scream
> 100 gold coins say I win
> he agrees
> fight ensues
> immediately lands 4 punches to my face
> hit he 3 times as hard as I can
> only do 15 damage
> oh fuck
> he knocks to the ground
> I'm done...
> lost bet. Pay him.
> he stands for a bit then leaves without saying a word
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>stabs criminal scum
>Riots start breaking out in Whiterun
>Redguards are super pissed
>Town gets renamed to Equality-Run due to riots complaining about racism
>Stand before the Grand Imperial Jury of Cyrodiil
>Found innocent
>Go back to guard duty
>Familiar looking guy with Daedric Armor approaching
>Guy pulls a bow on me and hits me in the knee
>Fall to the ground in agony and beg for mercy
>Guy goes invisible
>"Before you die, you will suffer" says the guy
>He curses me
>I must now tell every stranger that I took an arrow to the knee
>Fuck my life
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>bunch of God damned furries
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Destruction magic's fine.
Just don't go burning down any buildings.
Gotta keep my eyes open.
Damn dragon could swoop down at any time.
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Got to thinking...maybe I'm the Dragonborn and I just don't know it yet.
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Did you see those Redguards from Hammerfell?
They have curved swords.

I have like 1,500 hours in Skyrim and I.m not that bored, still a bunch to do. I've had a lot of characters and accidental deletions of saves so it would probably be less time if I still had my first character.
Thread posts: 117
Thread images: 49

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