>24 >Been fucked with by girls several times >hurts everytiem >stop trying >fortify self in sarcophagus forged from hate and sadness >years go by >entombment intensifies >meet perfect girl >fall in love >live together >barrier still never goes away >can hear her voice and hear her words >echoing off the stone walls I built >still can't reach her or feel her
I want to reciprocate the love she gives me but sometimes I reach deep inside and find nothing there
>>581283046 I remember seeing this awhile back. Thought it was going to be something funny (comics are supposed to be funny, right?) Punchline never came. But the feels did, however. The bad kind of feels.
>had multiple surgeries in last 4 years >senior in HS and haven't had a full year yet because of medical issues >got kicked out of recovery program because more medical issues kept me from attending >girlfriend leaves me after getting back together for the 3rd time >tell her I can keep doing this I need to get healthy and get a diploma somehow >feel really bad inside
Made amends with the girl that I love/loved (not sure how to feel) just a few hours ago. Over the past two months I've been convincing myself that I hate her. I wish it could've gone different but I'm so glad we're rebuilding our close friendship/bond. >wereallgonnamakeit.jpeg
>>581284198 I tried to do the same thing with the girl I loved a long time ago, anon... She called me a liar, told me i was deceitful and a bastard. I remember the way she used to smile at me, hold hands, how much she loved me, and one day it was just... gone. I can't let her go, i've tried everything and I just can't.
>be me >literally hated by women. >girls cause huge drama in class or public if they found out i liked them >some instances were girls crying "why god why" or "eww gross" >hurts bad >find girl >start dating >worry about being cheated on. >girl tells me i dont make her heart melt. she leaves >become extremely depressed. stopped eating. lose weight rapidly. >health fails, suffer from full fledged anxiety attacks. > Determine to get revenge >develop evil political empire for next 15 years. >take out aggression on opponents >"his voice drips with venom and is like an assault rifle going off" >send other opponents to jail >solidify control on my area due to lack of opponents.
These women werent people. they didnt care what i felt, they took pleasure in my pain and suffering. all i wanted was to be treated like normal person, I wanted to drive trains when i was a kid... but they wanted to make me into a monster why /b/ why didnt they care. I sometimes wonder what would have happened to all those people if they didnt treat me that way? I wonder if ill ever go back to my dream of driving trains...
>just turned 20 >best friend hasn't contacted me back when I asked him to hang out with me on my birthday >only people to recognize my birthday was my family >still can't stop thinking about a girl I lost 4 years ago
>>581283872 Shit sucks bro, but you know what? When that shit IS fixed, somewhere down the line, people will give you MAD credit for making it through this shit. And at that point, you'll probably have no idea what they're talking about, because you didn't have a choice, you just lived your life. Which will make them (including your future gf) give you even MORE credit for being a bad ass motherfucker.
>>581286059 no worries dude. I've been there, I know your feels. If you are feeling down and want to chitter, post up an email or skype. I'm up and would like someone to talk to too, since everyone I know is asleep. Don't make me go to /soc/ looking for a skype thread, they're hella gay over there. gif unrelated.
>>581284921 pretty sure I still got the feels. I would rather be close to her and love her than be distant from her and love her. all in time, I don't really know where it's going to head but heres to hoping
I'll share my story. I'm not gonna green text this, so bare with me.
When I was around 3-5 years old, I was living with my mom in some shitty apartment. It was horrible for me. I was constantly changing schools, would wake up in the middle of the night and she would be no where to be found.
She ended up not being able to pay rent, and we moved across the street to a little house. Nicer than the apartment at least. I could still describe my room and the living room and backyard.
One day she met this dude. They started dating. He turned out to be a real asshole. He abused me physically and mentally all the time. My grandparents eventually found out, and took me away from my mom since she was an unfit mother and I was being abused.
>>581287617 My grandparents moved me in with them. I finally was in one school, had a good life. Couple years passed and we moved to a new town, got a nice house, and was spoiled.
I rarely got to see my mom since she was always doing who know's what and doing drugs and shit. She met another dude and they got married. She finally started coming into my life more after she got married.
>FF to 13
Mom gets in a DUI crash, and gets locked up. The judge want to put her away for 10 years and pin all her prior offences on her. She ends up getting a year instead, and release in 6 months for good behavior.
>>581287069 thank god. I don't know you. I was worried for a minute, Had a conversation with a guy friend of mine tonight that was the exact opposite of what your conversation was like, but he's amazingly skilled at NOT being on the same page as me. I got worried you were him, and that I'd need to have another shit-tier talk. Well, congrats on having your friend back. But sort out that love thing, because if you guys stay friends, you WILL eventually see her dating someone else. So maybe it'd be better if you make peace with it now.
Hey /b/ I haven't been sober for a week now. And it's not even social drinking, I'm at some Max Payne level drinking I feel. I was texting my mum and when I openned the texting app I find that I sent a text to my ex talking about how I missed her and all that shit. The text wasn't wrong, but it's been four days and no reply but ahe can still update her status on facebook. Should I let go? She was the only one I could actually smile around. Without her I feel so hollow.
>>581287992 While mom was locked up, she finally had a reality check. She realized her husband was an abusive, controlling asshole, and she was a shit mother. She completely cleaned up her act.
When she got release, she became the mother I had always wanted. She came to my birthday parties. She bought me stuff. We hung out, etc. I was finally happy to have my mother.
She filed for divorce from her husband and started moving in with us.
>FF to the end of 2010.
Her husband got more controlling as the divorce started to be finalized. He wouldn't let her come see us, he would control when she did come see us, etc.
Christmas came around and she was there for Christmas. She even helped my grandparents get me presents. After opening all my gifts, I did what any kid would do, I played with them all. About mid-day I went to my grandparents on my dads side for the week and to open presents.
At 4AM on the 28th, three days after Christmas, I was woken up. No explanation why, I was just told to get dressed and get my stuff. My grandpa drove me home. When we got to my house, and I got inside, everyone was sitting in the living room awake. I knew something was wrong.
My grandma was crying, my aunt was there, my grandpa was holding back tears. Then they told me. My mom had died in a house fire. I balled for a good 5 hours straight.
After 6 months of my mother being the mother I had always wanted, her husband burnt the house down around her. He's still running free.
>>581288152 If half of our conversations about that kinda shit weren't on snapchat id screen cap and show you. The other half were on Facebook but during that two months of me blocking her from my life, I deleted all the previous messages. She led me on really fucking hard then brushed me off like I was nothing. I think I truly did hate her for it, she never made an attempt to talk to me when we hardly made eye contact for a whole month. It might've been hate, but it was probably more me hurting inside. I'm not sure where our friendship will lead, I might get her eventually but for now I'm happy with just rebuilding
>>581282932 I find it hard to look people in the god damn eyes for fear of any connection...
Also, it's an odd feeling knowing how you'll die but not when.... For years, I've always known it'll be suicide, yet I've never known when, day stumbles into night stumbles into day all of which I've tried to bring myself to do something to stop my suffering, but I can never seem to bring myself to pull the blade, so, because I knew how much of a pussy I was, one time I even tried to stop my sadness without death.
I went to a doctor. I got pills. I got my shit together. And I became happy.
...But being happy wasn't okay. Every moment felt wrong, nothing felt okay being happy, I'd become too used to the nonstop uncontrollable whirlwinds that life had become, I couldn't handle anything else by that point. I've stopped taking the pills, and now, I'm back here, knowing my fate and still not knowing when.
>>581288863 besides the get back together part, basically the same.. I messaged her this afternoon and she left my message seen for a few minutes and that shit got me nervous. I asked if she'd like to be friends again and she said she'd like that. I wish I took the opportunity to kiss her, maybe things would be different
>>581288870 You say she led you on hard then brushed you off... But do you know why? Did she give any explanation? Because I feel like your story might be like MY story, and like my guy friend might be able to say what you're saying now. But he has no idea WHY I did the things I did, or what my motivation was, or what I was/am going through, even right now. And I wont tell him, because I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have. pic unfuckingrelated
>>581288932 if being happy wasn't ok, then my nigga, you weren't really happy. You were just medicated. Mind you I'm not talking shit about meds, or saying you did/didn't need them... I'm saying that maybe you weren't on the right med/meds/dose/dosages.
>>581289564 Eh, my story is nothing special. I grew up rather far away from everyone emotionally When I ht puberty or so I suppose my hormones or something changed and it had some sort of a rubber band effect. Im not sure if it was do to the hormones, im only assuming due to it occurring around the same time. Now I get extremely attached to people far too fast and it is utterly devastating if and when they leave So I've been broken more than a few times, as im sure you can imagine
>>581289551 I wish I knew why she did what she did. I would always catch her looking at me, which made me even more angry and sad every fucking time. I want her to tell me, but I fear if I ask her, the first few building blocks that were put in place tonight would be kicked right over again. I guess I'll wait, who knows how long.
>>581288689 I'm trying, and thats what I figured. Its just odd, I find happiness in being depressed. Like, I'm content with being a sad sack of shit. So fake for so long, and realizing I'm depressed is the realest feeling have had in a while.
I'm lucky, Anon, I have a girl. My girl is my rock, my anchor, my lifeline, my shoulder to weep on. She lifts me up no matter what, she will never judge me and I only have to give her one thing in return. My love.
One day, Anon, you are going to find your rock, your anchor, your lifeline, your shoulder to weep on. She's going to lift you up no matter what, she will never judge you and you only have to give her one thing in return. Your love.
When you find her, Anon, make sure you give it to her - because if you don't; someone else will.
Have you ever laughed accidentally while depressed and bitter and felt it pierce your very being with a near tangible pain while others laugh, pouring salt on the wound? To, for a moment, feel alright, but have everything feel horribly wrong at the same moment?
>>581289887 do you think you push them away by becoming clingy/needy? Do you recognize it AS you're doing it, or does it sneak up on you so that you are repeatedly going "not a-fucking-gain" side note, do you watch Key and Peele ever? (there IS a point I'm trying to make with that, but need you to answer first)
>>581290647 Possibly. Its a bit of both to be honest. At first it sneaks up and then I have that realization moment where I just stop and say "Woah, not again. Slow the fuck down." But then I find myself powerless to do so. And no, I dont watch it.
>>581289978 but anon... if asking her a *question* is enough to kick out the blocks, then they aren't very sturdy to begin with. Maybe not sturdy/appropriate foundation-stones upon which to build a lasting structure... eh?
>>581289897 I get that, It feels like there's another person thinking inside of my head. Problem is at 3am where the thoughts grow louder and begin to overlap with each other, like a god damn rave party inside my head.
I can't do really much for you guys, but have some music : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2EZvXeFpdk
Yeah sorry if my english suck, I'm French. I met her 2 weeks ago, it was at a concert in the restaurant where I live, I was sitting, eating and listening to the music and she just came and say "Hey, can I sit next to you ?", and of course I respond by a "yes", we talked a lot and when it was almost midnight, she wanted to move at my place. I was okay with that, I thought nothing would happen, but yeah, it did happen, we kissed and we almost had sex until she said she only wanted me because she were drunk. I couldn't do it with her knowing that. So we stoped, and I walked her to her home.
I tried to talk to her everyday, since I got her phone, but she doesn't want to. I really like her, not just because we kissed, but because she was interesting and I liked talk to her. And now I fucked up because she think I'm a drag.
I don't know what to do, guys, I really don't. And it's fucking hurts since it's clearly not the first time I've been rejected.
>>581282932 Been there, feelings are getting back, currently a emotional wreck. Its horrible, get some help, one tip, dont tell yourself that you are on emotionally lockdown to much. Will make it allt harder
I think the saddest part of reading all of these are is I start to feel bad. I'm 29 years old, with no girlfriend or children. All of my friends have had careers, are married, with children that are growing up. They're contributing to society, and what do I have? I own three trailers I rent out for scratch, with a crappy side job.
>>581290501 That depends. Are the others laughing AT you, or are they laughing because they hear YOU laughing and think they're just laughing along with you? Cuz if it's the latter, then you need to pull a Tourette's Guy, and say FUCK SALT. And fucking speak up, cuz "they" can't stop hurting you if they don't know they're hurting you. But if they're laughing AT you, then either a) fuck em cuz they're obviously retarded, or b) pull out that old calculus book, and find the equation for determining "how many fucks you should not be giving about their opinion". Or, evaluate WHY they're laughing, maybe you're wearing a fedora.
>date first girlfriend ever for about 8 months >can tell shes getting really seriously into me >things are fun but I start thinking she feels much more strongly for me than i do for her >start thinking I'll never feel for her as she does for me >guilt like i'm just leading her on and using her >break up with her, shes heartbroken >I don't feel guilty anymore and things seem good for a while >a few months later i start really missing her >start thinking of all we had and how good i had it >she starts dating a new guy and i lose it >never knew jealousy before this >fits of anger toward myself got so bad i feared breaking something i cared about so i bought a punching bag >punch knuckles bloody and hands swollen sometimes >decide to try to win her back and tell her that >she doesnt know what to think but continues to meet with me >she breaks up with other guy but we arent back together yet >she doesnt trust me not to hurt her again > for the next 2 1/2 months i do everything i can at anytime of day to convince her I'm for real this time >drive anywhere, make her the best gifts shes ever recieved. >still doesnt think she can trust me >mutual friend of ours invites to his college house for a weekend >she has the idea we go a day early and go camping just the two of us >things looking better and better for me >plan for weeks get excited and think this is when we'll finally be back together >day we're supposed to leave she second guesses everything >cancels camping and wants to drive separate to our friends place but still wants things to be good >get there and shes distant, starts shutting me out and when i try to talk to her she picks fights >during a party at this house i walk in on her legs up over the lap of another guy, arms around each other, hes kissing her neck and shes appears to be loving it >She looks at me seeing something she knew would break my heart and she looks me dead in the eye and just keeps on smiling.
>>581290813 >powerless There's your problem. You will be powerless until you decide not to be. And I find it helpful to talk to myself like Luther (Obama's official anger translator) whenever I need a pep talk. Observe around the 1:06 mark in the video for an example. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixesdXN2eDA
>>581291141 I'm not a builder of buildings, but I think you're thinking about the sticks underneath those buildings on sticks. Srs though, I'm not trying to shit on your relationship with your friend. To ever get anywhere, you have to start somewhere, and you and she have now started the rest of your lives. That's a big deal, and I'm stoked for you.
>>581284885 i saw at least one anon offered to vidya with you. I don't vidya. But if you want to talk on skype, or email, post up a throwaway. I'll hit you up soon as I see it. I have hours to go before anyone I know is awake, and I'm bored. Little halp?
>>581291396 Hey man. Like 8 months ago, I WAS you. 29, no significant other, no children, shit to show for my life, and feeling fucking horrible about it. But things are different now, fucking totally different... I mean I'm still not married/no kids, but I'm fuckin stoked about life. If you want to shoot the shit, I'll reiterate what I said to bday anon- post up a throwaway, I'll hit you up on email/skype/whatever.
>Get first serious gf >We date for 3 years. >We plan on moving in together after our final years in college. >Everything going fine until last month a week before my birthday. >Get message from her its saturday we usually meet up on the weekend "Anon we need to talk" >Notice lack of hearts and such, arrange a time and place to meetup, I was worried about her. >Meet up, She starts to cry, slowly makes out that she doesnt "love" me anymore, that she hasnt for a while. >She's moving away next month, I know I'll most likely never see her again, it fucking kills me everytime I think about her. >Havent really left my house since it happened. >Get thrown out of college due to lack of attendance, really I just dont want to have to see her again. >She ruined me
>Have girlfriend >9/10, petite, fucking horny all the time, loyal as fuck - does shit like shows up to my house with a cake on my birthday etc etc >Love her like crazy, go on holidays with her >After a night of heavy drinking I fuck my best friends girlfriend >Tell her to not say anything to anyone >Smooth sailing from there >Fast forward like 3 months >I'm leaving to uni >Me and GF spend our last few days in Finland together >Leave heartbroken, but gotta move on. >Still skype and shit >Randomly my friends girlfriend starts messaging me about how guilty she feels >I wake up the next day, check my phone >Fucking paragraphs of messages from like 3 people >mfw she fucking told him >And he told my girl >She won't speak, to me, my best friend hates me, and I feel like shit because I fucked up 1000 amazing memories with the best girlfriend you could ever have. >About a month later I get a paragraph from my ex telling me how she wants to be with me, even though I fucked up. >I’m so fucking happy. >She gets on a plane to see me, 13 hours away. >Best time ever, we just chill, drunk fuck, do vacation things. >After 10 days she has to go back. >Works out for the first couple of weeks. >Now she’s fucking my old best friend.
Every now and again she calls me to tell me she misses me, but then soon after she’ll stop talking to me and going back to hating me again.
I just don’t know what to do, I’m going back there in December and I can’t bear not to try and get her back.
>>581292524 She was absolutely wonderful the vast majority of the time, But when certain things aligned just right she would completely change. prior to that incident there were two other times i saw her go borderline vindictive sociopath.
>Like girl >She knows I like her >Her mother is in bad shape >Doesn't think about relationships all that much now >Having dinner with her on thursday >Not sure how I feel about this. >Feel really happy when I'm around her >Don't think she will ever feel the same way I feel about her. >Don't know if I should keep going for her or if should just give up.
>>581292387 You know what anon bro? Yer alright. Its a little late to chat on skype but I think thats all I needed was just a little bit of encouragement to just start doin somethin to change that. Thanks.
>>581290421 >tfw she leaves me for an other even when I had done nothing wrong... >>581292680 Sorry for you anon >>581292801 For now you'd better forget her I know its easy for me to say but it's the only solution so far... But first if you loved her why did you cheated on her...
I'll never understand selfish people like this, this world is really fucked up...
I don't understand these threads at all. Then again I've never been in love, I can't experience any kind of emotions, at all. I haven't gone through an emotional trauma that brought me to being an empty person. I'm simply perpetually empty. Yet I'm really curious to find out what it's really like to be in love and then get hurt because of it.
>Have a GF, she's probably cheating on me but whatever > she had cancer > recovers, and is now in remition > turns out her grandpa has brain cancer now > totally awesome, funny, nice guy > now he doesn't even have the energy to get up > gf always sad > we've been fighting more > breaks up with me through text > two days later, hooks up with the one single guy I hate (he used to be my best friend once upon a time) > go to his house, punch him in the gut > talk with now ex gf, she didn't give a shit > a week later she begs me to forgive her > I'm weak so I do > we're together but still fight now > this morning I found out my little cousin has brain cancer too
> tfw haven't had a solid girlfriend in a few years > tfw got my life together more than I ever thought I could > sportscar, motorbike, holidays, house, perfect job > only thing that nags me is appearing eccentric in front of my peers, but I've slept with more women than all of them
> get asked 'why don't you have a GF?' > I enjoy the freedom and this thread confirms it
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