ITT: Autistic shit you did when you were a teen Thread 404'd

>>580633752
autistic/10 OP

On a sidenote, do you play minecraft?

Was in the school library 9th grade.
Suddenly a crotch come into focus.
It's going to sit on my shoulders.
I say "get your fat ass off me" thinking it a prank by a bother boy.
Was hot girl I wanted to fuck.
She hit me walked off in a huff
Never spoke to me again.

>>580634116
I do, and I make redstone computers and calculators. I just wish I had someone to help me with it, it's a big task.

>>580633752
Does your server case of autism come with any benefits? Are you really skilled at math or drawing?

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>>580634976
I'm currently taking a physics degree, but I'm nothing special in comparison with the other students. The only benefits are having no friends or social life so I can play more vidya

>>580633752
more stories

>single child single parent
>2 computers in the house, mom has an older work computer in her office, I have one in my room
>mine is the only one with internet, but she doesn't need it that often for her work (beginning of internet's popularity)
>find porn
>younger kid (12/13) so I enjoy hentai
>mom catches me once, tells me no more porn
>month or so later, mom is driving me around doing errands
>"Anon, I found more cartoon porn..." blank stare and regret
>"...but it's ok, I've been around the block a few times. You're just curious."
>have gf at around the same time
>mom starts leaving condoms all around the house

What the fuck, man.

>>580635393
>having no social life so I can play more vidya
my nigga, biomed degree here

>>580633752
You did the right thing OP, she was just making fun of you anyway. Don't think for a second that she was actually being serious.

>>580633752

There was autistic shit that I had done.
No punchlines, however.
they just keeps going

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>>580636671
Okay

>Be 15
>Home alone and want to fap
>Go to laundry
>Get sisters used panties
>So fucking good
>Finish fapping and put panties in my pocket
>Forget about them
>4 hours later watching TV with the family
>Mum says, "what's that in your pocket?"
>She lunges towards me and half pulls the panties out
>I wrestle them off her and run through the house
>I throw the panties into the laundry bin and hide in the bathroom
>She knocks on the door but I ignore her
>I come out an hour later
>Check the laundry basket
>Panties aren't in the same position
>She saw the wet patch where I licked them
>I don't make eye contact with her and go to my room
>She comes into my room and I hide under my duvet
>She asks me what I was doing with them
Sheknows.jpg
>I make the sounds of a whimpering dog
>She leaves
>I don't make eye contact with any of my family for a month afterwards

>>580637198
I believe she was being serious, I've never doubted it.
It was the first and last time we ever spoke, and my haircut was definitely an improvement. I also remember using shampoo AND conditioner in it that morning, which I never usually do.

not a story of me but of an awkward friend of mine

be me
be 18
we sit in nice bar
enjoy myself with two other friends and one grill
drinking a pint of beer
one friend is dating the girl other is awkward as fuck
couple goes home to fuck
friend is coming back for more beer
other akward now drunk friend says soemthing to grill (lets call her hotstuff)
"bye hot stuff and cum fast" he says
i look at her face she says yes with a super weird look on her face
best laugh of the day
me and retard friend are sitting there
im still laughing
ask him why he said that
gives bullshit answer

>>580638110
yay OP you are like the superhero
you should be mr spaghetti man

>Cant even be in the range of normal
>somehow is getting a physics degree

I find this impressive.
You must make some very impressive minecraftian shit

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Autistic shit?
>I had a scene kid phase
>pic sort of related.

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trapt

body

human life

root of fertility

intellegence

contained to the mouth of unspoken

sip the cup of fullness of life

look down in spite

what drink?

I'm...

>>580638110
oh man
i feel sorry for you op

WARNING SUPER BETA
>i'm in boarding school
>at the age discovering masterbating
>always jack of in my room (with stuffed animals didn't know porn existed)
>it's like 12 o'clock
>cum for the first time
>WTF IS THIS?
>my room leads to a hallway with all the other rooms, the bathroom is in the hallway
>leave my room walk through the hallway naked with my stiff dick covered in cum
>there is like 6 people standing outside of there rooms
>just walk past them like whats up
>they all look at me with wide open mouth and jaw dropped
>wash myself up and walk back again like what up
>no one ever said a thing about it

>>580638770
greentext, it hurts otherwise!

>>580639067
Shit like this happened to me all the time
I guess it happens to everyone though
... right?

>>580639583
sorry to lazy on tablet

>>580639329
This is super alpha dude

>>580639596
yeah probably i have tons of awkward shit that i cant remember right now

>>580639329
at least you were alpha about, coulda been much worse

k maybe the first one was alpha but this one is beta af
>been hanging with this other girl in 6th grade
>hanging out a lot
>people in my class notice and start saying we should date
>it's recess and i'm with her like always
>whole class comes and stands around us saying we should kiss
>i just say "want to be my gf"
>she says yes
>awkward pause like 18 people standing there saying nothing
>ask her out to movies every single day (i had no idea what a bf should do i though i should just hold hands or something)
>she never has time
>3 days later she comes to me with her friends
>"Nick i'm breaking up with you"
>she says it while laughing
>then just SKIPS AWAY with her friend while laughing
>i cry like a bitch and never talk to her again

>>580638110
I'm literally cringing in my car alone in a parking lot. Your story has paralyzed me

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>Be around 12 years old
>just discovered masturbation
>Was on a trip to england by the time
>started showering and doing my thing
>apperantly my mom had been knocking on the door cause i was showering for nearly 2 hours
>She manages to open the door with a coin.
>English grandma and my mom walk in on me masturbating
>They both look at me silent
>grandma tells me not to use her shampoo and then walks out
>Mom tells me to finish up already so we could get going.
>door shuts and i sit in complete silence with a hard boner
>finishes masturbating and then gets out
>no one says a word.

>be 13
>call 1-900 sex chat line
>enter random credit card number
>i'm in!
>listen for 10 minutes to some woman talking about jacking my dick
>hang up w/o even jacking it
>parents get $200 bill on next phone bill
>mow lawn for next year

>go to my first school day in spain
>ask teacher if i can go to the bathroom to drink
>he says no
>start crying like for 15 min i swear i cried for the full 15 minutes
>firstimpression.jpg
>he finally let me go and drink
>go to the bathroom
>nothirstyanymore.gif
>fuck that nazi if i'm thirsty ill drink

On mobile and I'm still greentexting
> be me(I mean who else?)
> be 14 or 15
> don't really like this chubby girl
> my friends say I could get laid
> let's call this girl Anne because close to her name
> hyping my self up to it becaus possible sex
> walk up to her after school her friend bee lines it away though still I'm listening distance
> world goes dark, my body is asking my brain what it's thinking
> dick takes control
>Brain pissed out
> Drop the spaghetti
> eyes tunnel vision
> Anne says "I'll think about it."
> O-OKay
> friends dying
All in all she got even fatter, I'm glad nothing came of it. Though fucking dick guys, why is it mindless.

>>580640427
You did good. Through and through, you handled it well.

>>580639329
Alpha as fuck

>>580638787
Maybe I was a superhero at one point, but my spaghetti powers are largely lost.
I no longer speak to people, and instead laugh, smile or give yes / no answers.

>>580640705
It was one of the most painful experiences of my childhood
...
That's a lie, I did a bunch of weirder shit

>>580633752
I hate you

>>580641339
> weirder shit
You're now obligated to post and thus tell us.

be me
be15
fingering my gf in my room
she standing against wall
me with to fingers in pussy standing infront of her
looking at her face
pace goes up
fingers go deeper
suddenly i hear a sound and some wetness coming down
i have no idea how vaginas work and im thinking sweet another load of pussy juice
keep fingering hard
keep looking at gfs face
suddenly stop to proceed on bed
look at hand to admire wetness
notices that my entire lower arm and hand are drenched in period blood
gf reacts fucking awkward
she asks a-anon can you get some tampons
i go get them
i get back
she stands awkard near closet
i dont know why
she faps me on bed
fast forward a couple months
take nice white bed sheets out of closet
notices blood stains of gfs pussy
fuck that bitch

You know what fuck it beta thread
>5 years ago had my first serious gf
>was totally in love with her
>did the most romantic shit i'm a romanticus
>shit like running 15 through the rain so i can be with her
>go to restaurants with her
>just stare at the ceiling together lying naked next to each other
>i was totally in love
>suddenly out of the blue she texts me
>she says she's breaking up with me out of fucking nowhere no reason
>i didn't send a 1 000 000 letter text
>i was still fucking in love and heartbroken and texted back
>"k your loss fuck of"
>got another girl a month later
>she still has no guy fuck you bitch

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I got one.

>be 6th grade
>be fat and mad about it
>always in a bad mood, a little depressed
>get partnered with popular girl in some class
>don't talk a lot, she knows this
>literally just talks with her friends while I sit there doing nothing just staring in silence
>eventually tells the teacher I'm not doing anything and gets to be with her friends
>remain sitting in silence as 3 girls openly talk shit about me calling me a freak and shit
>eventually lose weight, become social and get friends/less sad and quiet
>bitch still hates me up through highschool
>no hard feelings you cunt.

I'm still a little butthurt that she held a grudge, but I don't blame her.

>mfw now she's out of shape and alone, see her around town occasionally

>>580633752
woah that is some true autism.

>>580636769
ur mom sounds cool. wtf at your wtf man?

my dumbass mom eas the ull go to.hell.if u have sex type of moron.

>Be me
>Freshman year
>Gym class
>Amazing looking girl in my class 9.5/10 fit and tan
>Almost always get put on teams with her I think my gym teacher did that on purpose
>It was volleyball the sport she played
>I fucking suck and look really beta
>She tells me where to put my arms and where to position them
>She touches my arms
>Instaboner.jpg
>We start destroying all the teams we go against
>The enemy throws the ball
>I hit it and it hits girl in the face
>ohshitplzgod
>she is bleeding and im freaking out
>"im so sorry!"
>"Its ok anon its just a mistake"
>Try to help her out but somehow I fail at that
>I walk away and never talked to her again

>>580638110
>Mum says, "what's that in your pocket?"

Wow. With a nosey (overly-protective?) mom like that, no wonder you have autism.

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Here's another

>Be in 2nd grade
>Go to the bathroom
>Decide I want to shit in the urinal
>So I shit in the urinal
>The teachers are freaking out and want to catch the child who did this
>They get all 60 2nd graders to sit in the hall during lunch break
>Mrs Dean, a cold hearted bitch is leading the investigation
>"If you admit it now, then I won't be angry. But if you keep me waiting, then I will be."
>I'm very scared and I believe her
>I slowly put my hand up
>"Yes anon, do you know who did this?"
>"I...I did"
>60 of my peers stare at me with hate in their eyes
>I'm the one who kept them in during lunch break
>I'm stuck with the same 60 people for the next 4 years, and they all remembered and brought it up all the time

>Be in year 4 and then year 5
>Someone took a shit in the urinal
>The teachers think it's me
>They shout at me and try to make me admit it
>I'm in tears
>They ask me about it in front of the class
>The class laughs at me

>It wasn't me the other times
>It was some guy called Richard
>He was a tard with 3 thumbs

>>580641880
That's alpha, anon.

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>>580641792
Kek'd

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>>580642907
topkek omg

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Super fucking beta.
>14, Britfag
>Ask fat girl out with cross-eyes because people suspected I was a fag
>She says yes
>fuck.png
>We don't speak in person, only through Skype, even though we see each other every day in school
>'Dating' went on for 2 weeks
>She is super clingy, messaging 24/7
>Bought her a huge gummy bear for her birthday
>dumped
>cried for 20 minutes
>came out of the closet 3 years later
>actualfag.jpg

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>>580640998
Worth it?

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Yall are being weak. Sit down and let me tell you a story-
>Be me, 8th grade
>Only white kid there
>Live in California so there are SOOOO many mexicans
>Teachers only want money
>Algebra I fucking sucks big cock
>Beaners go wild and the Korean teacher doesn't give a fuck because he's too much of a pussy to handle it
>Get bored in class one day
>Decide to make a scene
>I put my legs into my hoodie and become a hoodie monster
>Pic related
>I don't let anyone see me do it
>Almost no one notices
>Thisisgoingtobegood.avi
>Run up in a weird position screaming like a spastic retard
>Korean teacher can't do shit to stop me
>Jump up on his table and start wailing and kicking over any important shit of his like his laptop and notes and papers
>Everyone is going ballistic
>I run out the opened door and make my way to the bathroom
>Retards didn't even know it was me.
Got more if you're interested.

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Have another one right here.
>Be around 14
>go to the bathroom because i decided to go masturbate
>locks door doing my thing
>moms office is right next to the bathroom
>fap intensifies and noises gets louder
>i heard her leaving the office and leaning against/stand really close to the door
>"anon, what are you doing?"
>"shitting mom!"
>"uuuh ok"
>she leaves
>i finish
>suddenly realise that she knew what i was doing
>walk out like nothing happened
>she never said a word.

Anyone also gets a stiff neck kinda feeling during stressful situations?

>>580633752
wow gif related is beautiful lol. she swerved him so hard

>>580643526
interested


go on anon

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>>580642907
>Decide I want to shit in the urinal
>So I shit in the urinal
>Alpha as fuck

>>580643526
Reminded me of a little story of myself
>be me 15
>i'm in the fucking shittiest school ever
>not education wise but the teachers are complete dickheads
>the kind of people that take rulers with them and measure the length of girls skirts so that they're no too short
>last day of school and me and a couple of friends have great idea
>i plan on leaving next year so we went to the mens bathroom and took all the tp we could find
>start throwing it around screaming and shit
>we piss in random corners and on the ground
>we put tp in the sink and let it overflow
>making all this noise
>suddenly look under stall
>SEE 2 FUCKING FEET OF SOME TEACHER
>Funny thing is the teacher was taking a massive shit and was too embaresed to ever come out of the stall
>we never get any punishment, still don't know who the teacher was kek

I got walked in on like twenty times when I lived with my parents, noone brough it up ever, always had my dick covered so no big woop

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>>580638895
i can relate, anon.

Pick related

>>580644571
That sure is a emotional close family

>>580644970
Nah, niggas just don't care, pretty sweet

>>580644576
Were those years fun?

>>580639329
This made my night thank you anon

what fase was i in?

>>580633752

>Grade 7 camp
>every one in dining hall
>minding my own, eating potato gems
>manon comes behind me
>stealthily throws chicken snitzel onto my plate
>I thought it was the guy next to me, janon whodunnit
>throw it onto his plate
>he throws it back
>"It's not mine" we quarrelled
>teacher (old and intimidating) catches wind
>janon gives his story
>I mention manon
>accused of lying
>shudder under pressure
>admit to lying
>forced to clean dining hall

another


>1st grade
>mum gives me almonds for lunch
>fucking almonds
>empty them into desk tray
>all year
>deathly afraid them being found
>the stress is overwhelming

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>Be 10
>My sisters friend comes round my house
>We lock ourselves in a room and kiss
>We have 'sex,' which is really just licking each others tongues
>ff 6 years
>She's super hot and comes round for a sleep over
>At 2am I hear a knock on my door
>I pretend to be asleep
>She comes into my room wrapped in a duvet
>She climbs on my bed and straddles me
>She whispers "we should continue from where we left off when we were 10"
>I don't move
>She nudges me to try to wake me
>I'm still pretending to be asleep
>I'm thinking of what to say when I 'wake up'
>She tries to get me to respond
>"I'd let you do anything to me right now"
>"anything"
>I plan on 'waking up'
>I suddenly doubt my acting abilities
>Do I act surprised that she's on top of me?
>Do I yawn when I wake?
>What should I say?
>Oh fuck
>It's been way too long now
>It's obvious I'm pretending to be asleep
>But I don't want to face the awkwardness
>I keep my eyes closed
>She leans down next to me
>"This could have been an amazing night, anon"
>She climbs off me and leaves
>I masturbate furiously
>I cry myself to sleep

>>580633752
Wow, you were stupid.

About the worst thing I did in the 8th grade was not ask out a girl I liked when word got around I might like her, and it became obvious she liked me.

The mistakes of a child.

Or perhaps it wasn't a mistake? Her parents were religious nuts. At least, her mother was.

Her father was an alright guy.

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forgot pic>>580645540

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Had a Chinese gf i met online playing Rose Online and cried when she left me for another Chinese person.
Wtf was wrong with me

Dye my pubes pink :3

>>580636769
Your mom reacted 100% properly.

>>580644151
Played vidya in the bathroom until the bell rang so no one would know that I was gone.
>Be weeks after the incident
>People tried to get pictures of the scene but most were blurry cut out images and shaky videos
>Haha.theydon'tknow
>Decide this would create a perfect chain of events that I could cause.
Let's talk bullies people
>There's this shit head held back kid that thinks it's funny to mess with whoever the fuck he wants
>Terrorizes kids, people have to put up with his shit because he's two times bigger than everyone
>decide to take action
>I will become the turkey man.
>Buy a hoodie and a see through mask so that I can see better
>Put mask on and put hoodie over the mask
>See fucker trying to pick a fight with some beaner
>It's my moment
>Go to bathroom and put on hoodie and mask
>TURKEY MAN TO THE RESCUE!
>Run as fast as my unbalanced legs can carry me
>People are pointing and laughing
>Go up to bully and kick him really hard in the dick
>Run away like no body's business
>Change back in the bathrooms
Heard they found the kid on the floor before the staff came and suspended the kid for intimidation. There are a lot more stories.

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my fase

>>580645581

that hurt to read
i'm sorry anon

>"My friend thinks you're cute"
>I laugh nervously and walk away

>13
>dancing with chick for social studies to study the history of the waltz or some shit
>i already had a crush on her
>tell one of her friends about it after practicing dancing
>she freaks out and says i have to tell her or she will
>5 minutes of me telling her to leave me alone escalates; surrounding people catch on to our convo
>she calls her friend over with people surrounding
>palmsweakarmsaresweaty
>"wanna go out with me?" visible sweat on forehead
>"yes" holds my hand and walks out of the gym
>3 days later i walk up to explain everything
>she looks me up and down laughs in my face and trots away
>feel like a piece of shit for awhile afterwards

>>580645482
Not really, I was coping with some shit i really wish I hadn't had too. I've moved on though.

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>>580633752
>SpaghettiTrigger.exe
> tfw using linux now

>>580645964
the "douchebag with a guitar" fase, fucking faggot

be me
be 16
be in construction class
it was a preparation year so have lots of different stuff to do
making some walls of bricks
its in a basement
teacher is a bitch
always away
one day some coke using imbecil turns uot lights
fucker start throwing with bricks
everybody sane hides
other morons keep throwing bricks around
misteryously nobody gets hurt
light go on
i decide to throw brick at this idiot who attacked me once
take brick
memorize his hiding spot
bitch has no cover
imbecil puts light off again
bricks fly around
i throw the brick as hard as i can at the fucker i wanted revenge from
hear loud screaming
yes i hit him


turns out i hit him in the ankle it was swollen and blue perfect crime nobody knew it was me the teacher dindt investigate because hes always gone and dindnt want that to get that out

>barely double digits
>sharing bed with dad and little bro, (fell asleep watching tv)
>try to stealthily rub one out
>dad punches me in the face
>discover bathroom fapping

>>580646427
Guitar was not a fase i still play it and just bcause i have sunglasses like very fucking person when it's summer it doesn't meen i'm a douchebag fgt

>>580638770
Too red; didn't read

>>580646841
Further detected

>>580633752
I cringed.

>>580646841
very fucking person detected

used to cut myself but since i didnt wanted people to see i did it on my chest....... now every time i have to take my shirt off shits awkward as fk

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>>580646660
Top kek

>>580645932
nice turkey hero
takes to stan lee
this is comic material
got more?

>>580645932
This is amazing.

>>580647535
Will do, hold on.

>>580634976

>server case

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>>580646841
>very fucking person
>mfw

>>580646660
Kek'd hard

>>580633752
how do you cope with autism?

>>580634406
probably the most alpha thing you've done in your whole life.

oh god i hate that i remember this
>be in 1st grade
>hear cooler boys talk about jokingly what their shit feels like when they hold it
>go into bathroom at gym
>poop in my hand
>fucking tell them what it felt like
>they all laugh at me
>cry
>fml

>>580647790
>>580647350
>>580647131
i don't get it

> masturbated in bed next to my sleeping mother. >Feels bad.

>>580645932
More plz

>>580646660
>dad punches me in the face
Literally what the fuck? Do you have any more stories?

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>Be 14
>Have a girl best friend
>We sleep over each others house every weekend for a year
>We sleep in the same bed, but nothing ever happened between us
>One night we play a game called Nervous
>We slide our hands up each others thighs until one of us says "nervous"
>She lets me slide almost all the way to her pussy
>It's her go now
>I decide I'm going to be Alpha and not say anything
>She gets all the way to my dick
>But wait
>There's no dick here
>It's tucked between my legs
>"what the fuck?"
>She pulls her hand away fast
>She gets out my bed and sleeps on the floor

>ff to 10am the next morning
>I'm sitting inside of a duvet cover on the floor
>As she wakes up I ask her if she wants to play again
>"Okay"
>I make my way down her thigh
>All the way to her panties
>She doesn't make me stop
>I start to rub her pussy through her panties
>No idea what I'm doing
>But she seems to like it
>Suddenly bright lights
>My bedroom door's opened
>My mum walks in
>"Anon, what are you doing?
>"Nothing, just playing Mario Kart"
>TV isn't even on
>I get up and leave
>She's stuck there for 15 minutes talking to my mum
>I go to the bathroom and wash my hand
>I avoid her for the rest of the day
>She's walking backwards and forwards around my garden by herself
>Waiting for her mum to pick her up
>We stopped being friends after that
>She was my only friend

>>580636769

I see what the autistic part is, how you reacted to the situation.

Congratulations, you're an autist that doesn't realism that your mom is pretty cool.

>be me
>be 8th grader
>just moved to Houston, Texas mid semester from another state.
>go to a school filled with ghetto ass Hispanic kids.
>didn't fit in, Lone wolf for the first week.
>some how make friends with a more popular crowd.
>I'm smarter than the locals.
>they look at me as a fucking intellectual god who gives them answeres.
>soon this one chick starts hanging around me for the work.
> 10/10 nice tits, big ass, short, just everything I like in a girl.
>the more she hang around me the more she flirted with me
>my favorite memory was when she was standing in front of my and purposely bent over wiggled her ass a little and brought it back all in the midst of picking some materials off the floor.
>assumed it was for the work. Never think to much into it.
>next year I hear her over telling a chick that she had a huge crush on me..
>Icouldofhitthat.jpg
>sometimes when I need a boost And I'm milking the bull I think of that ass..

>be freshman in high school
>friend group has formed conversation circle at the basketball game
> group of girls is located nearby
> one of them comes up behind me and squeezes my ass
> turn around and let out a high pitched scream
> immediately turn back towards group of friends and try to play it off like none of that ever happened

>>580647863
No I put a bully in the hospital once for messing with me.

Told a redneck I was coming to his house to fuck his wife and to get out. He did and I did. He never had anyone stand up to him before. He did not know what to do. He backed down.

>>580647985
lel. that reminds me I secretly masturbated right next to my sister at the theatre when I was 14 or so, just because I was bored. also did it in class, hands in pockets, through pants once.
seems fucking weird to me now

>>580645581
Oh lord, thank you, anon. Thank you for showing me there are always bigger betas.

How is it that so many of you cum sticks have had girls throw themselves at you and still manage to fuck it up.

You deserve everything that happened for being so fucking retarded. Fuck you all

>>580647985

You are not alone, /b/rother.

As long as it ain't still happenin', forgive yourself and be absolved of the cringe. I shall do the same.

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>>580648518

>nothing, just playing mario kart

>>580648848
Bullshit
Rednecks care about their cousins and sisters more than that

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>>580645581

>>580648518
>"Nothing, just playing Mario Kart"
>TV isn't even on

I laughed out loud.
sorry to hear you lost your friend though, shit happens

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So at this point people are ranting on about turkey man.
>Shit is going around the school
>Being the only white guy makes me the least likely to pull this shit
>Bully kid is looking around for whoever the fuck did it
>Tells everyone that turkey is going to go gurk
>The turkey will not gurk
>Decide that I should lay a little low and get him in a small way
>He is twice my size and if I become turkey man and he's prepared to run after me he'll definitely catch me
>Decide to fuck with his lunch first
>Find his backpack and replace his lunch with a lot of turkey cutlets
>I've brought the heat with me this time
>Bought a full size thanksgiving fucking turkey and put it in there not even cooked
>It smashed all of his important papers and items
>Later he doesn't notice what's in his backpack until lunch
>Unzips his lunchbox to find the turkey cutlets
>Turns to his cunt friend
>"Haha, very funny Todd, where's my lunch?"
>Todd is more confused than a bisexual retard trying to learn Algebra
>Bully looks more into his backpack when he sees the huge frozen turkey
>He's fucking pissed
>More people are pointing and laughing at him as he pulls out the frozen turkey and plops it on the floor
>Runs to the bathroom to ignore them
>Mfw watching from the sidelines

>>580649337
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

>>580648890
>>580647985
Why the fuck do people do this stupid i shit i had a guy in my class who was sitting next to me during computer class looking at porn just jacking it everyone saw he got kicked out of class wtf is wrong with you people why can't you contain your fucking boners please

>>580646506
imbecile has a fucking e at the end, you imbecil.

i was so dumb

>father sleeping on floor of living room
>i'm sleeping on couch
>end up jerking it a few feet from dad
>wasn't fast enough and the angle was not in my favor
>cum on my face
>feels bad

>be me around 12 y/o, average looking
>summer break, around 2004
>on a 2 week trip/camp in the country, organized by school
>living in some cottage or whatever, not important
>meet this girl, 2 years older, really average/below average looks, a little chubby, but funny, so I don't mind
>we get along, nothing much happens, we don't even really get romantic
>trip end, keep texting everyday, getting romantic/sexual
>suddenly for some reason I 'realize' that I can't date her, because my 'friends' would mock me / laugh at me
>borrow dads phone, send her a text 'sorry I used all my credit and dad won't buy me more or let me use his'
>never text her again
>school starts, saw her few times in the hallway, never talked to her again

>>580644527
>be me
>be teacher
>work at some hole of a school where the admin care more about rules than education
>although all the kids either scooping dirt and eating or fucking each other
>on lunch break
>realise I shouldn't have had Mexican the night before
>bee line it for the nearest toilets
>dropping bombs when some students come in
>they start destroying the place
>can't leave, students will get me
>can't leave, no toilet paper
>iljustwaittiltheyregone.jpg
>once they fuck off I waddle over to the next stall
>they've used all the toilet paper
>Start pulling trails of tp off the ground
>worst.shit.ever
>fuck students
I got my revenge by measuring skirts and shorts on the fuckers

>Todd is more confused than a bisexual retard trying to learn Algebra
kek

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>>580649614
not in my language bitch

>>580643426
>14
>skype
>underage b&

>>580642253
you just got first blood, should have gone back for second

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>>580649793
dude you're fucking genius made my day topkek

>>580643426
I'm assuming it was you who came out.

> 2alpha4most

>>580642253
see, your instinct should have been to both see to it that she wasn't to badly injured, and ensure that you got the point

she would have gotten wet as fuck if you had spiked the ball for the point while at the same time asking if she was okay..

that would have been the alpha thing to do ;_;
not that it helps you now

>>580650013
>skype
>came out like 10 years ago
think before you post kids

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>>580648689
>they look at me as a fucking intellectual god
>intellectual god

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>Be high school senior
>recently break up with chinese gf of 2 years
>go through all sorts of depression
>say fuck it
>start hitting on all the fucking girls
>I get like 4 girls to get crushs on me
>I find this cute jap girl, holy shit, literally cutest face ever.
>decide to ask her out to lunch to get to know her
>right before doing so, spaghetti mode activated.
>alpha drained, stuttering and mumbling
>"uh.. do you want to.. go to.. uh.. sorry i'm really bad at this.. to lunch? sometime?"
>shes surprised
>she says okay
>mfw gif related
>say "thank you" walk away, never setting the time of date or location.
>notice what i just did
>fucking autism rage

Shall I cont? or is it not worth it?

>>580639329
>Alpha/10

>>580642907
http://youtu.be/NkwvF48zgLM

>Be autistic.

This has to be the most autistic beta story..

>Sitting at home on the computer
>On /b/
>On a Friday night

it's my cum hallway guy got another good one
>was on the bus with my friends
>guy says it’s his birthday
>we alls start chearing and singing
>really fucking loud and we’re the only ones singing
>he;s really embaressed
>thought i was funny and says: “hope you get to fuck a girl as a present”
>while doing the hump motion with your fists thrusting your pelvis
>this old lady is sitting next to me i’m standing up
>she’s at ellbow level
>ellbow her in the face
>say sorry i million times
>everyone is angry conforting her
>THIS REALLY FUCKING HAPPENED
>i have a bug ass backack and i was facing her after the elbow to the face
>i turn around AND HIT HER AGAIN IN THE FACE WITH MY BACKPACK
>she get’s mad and stands up
>whole bus is screaming at me LITERALLY
>get of next stop
>had to walk all the way home

So there was this kid that was autistic that sat at my lunch table, And was bragging about getting this letter for a convention to harvard, had to pay like 2gs total bullshit, and then me and my friend Kolby said we got one too, and then he starts freaking out and crying and saying "so i got my 4.7 gpa for nothing" laughd to his face, top kek

>>580650743
It's not worth it

>>580635393
>>580637107
>no social life
>thinking a degree will make you successful
lol stay poor.

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>>580649793
>Be toilet
>Shitty kids and admins have very strict regulations on hanging out in the bathroom
>Rules are so strict that almost no one uses the shitter
>Walls are marked up with graffiti
>One day a teacher comes in and caresses me
>"We're going to have some fun."
>Pulls out his moldy ass cheeks as sits on me
>PLEASEGODNO.jpg
>Proceeds to spray a torrent of shit all over me
>After he finishes he wipes his ass and says, "We'll do this again tomorrow."
>Next day three little fuckers come in and take all toilet paper
>They get out and wait till later when no one else is around
>Later the faggot teacher comes back and gives me a kiss
>"Did you miss me?"
>Nofaggot.avi
>"I had burritos last night just for you."
>Blows shit all over me but this time it starts to pile in my mouth
>His ass is tearing and he's loosing blood
>Door opens and I can hear a bunch of kids throwing toilet paper around and making a scene
>They're fucking destroying the bathroom
>Betateacher is too afraid to do anything
>He doesn't think they can hear him so he just waits
>MFW he starts to fap while the kids are wrecking the bathroom

>>580650743

Yes, I wanna see how you try to recover from that one

>>580646660
Holy shit im dying

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>>580650743
please go on