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ITT we discuss the stupid ideas, strategies, or things we've

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

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ITT we discuss the stupid ideas, strategies, or things we've done to get a girl that we didn't realize until we failed were horrible ideas.
burn her house
Got baptized
I tried giving her doritos
Followed her home and snuck in her house, set up a game of monopoly, then got arrested.
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free LIVE

u nigger you're supposed to set up DnD
>Like Jewish girl
>want to impress her
>study Hebrew for a month
>write her a love letter in Hebrew
>she doesn't speak Hebrew
>Never talk to her again
you're a fucking idiot. If you know anything about Jews in america, it's that we only memorized hebrew for our bar/bat mitzvah's and never actually learned the language. You're a fucking autist.

I have a better idea:

ITT: we laugh at OP for being such a fucking omega
Ignore them. Holy fuck, does it ever work.
Also, look bruiting all the fucking time, it'll make them think you're deep.
Then when it comes time to actually talk to them, be ballsy and confident as fuck.
Also, if talk as deep as you can. Women get wet at the sound of a deep voiced man.
Wear red, something about the color sets them off and will be jocking you hard.
Exactly what it sounds like.
> like girl
> says she won't date non-christians
> initiate slow conversion ploy
> my fake conversion is completed 2 months later
> go to church with her
> baptized 3 weeks later
> start dating soon after
> mfw real christians don't bang
> mfw I have no face
>implying anyone gives a shit
bruiting???? wot m8
I think anon means brooding
I once wrote a letter/poem to the girl at the donut shop.

I know she showed it to all her friends and laughed. I am just thankful it never surfaced on the internet.
i'm sure
you should share this with us, no one here knows you in real life
>be me 8 years old
>cousin i like (12 yo) is at grandmas home with me
>I decide I'll impress her using my jumping rope
>i tangle it up my neck to show how strong I am
>grandma sees me and freaks out
>i could have died asphisxiated with my jumping rope trying to impress a girl

And some years later I did something more...
>be me 10yo at school
>i like a classmate, i'll impress her
>decide i'll fight her boyfriend (tallest kid in the class)
>end of classes, fight the kid
>ten seconds later girl and boy leave both laughing and hugging and loving each other while I lie defeated on the floor
oh god, I do have the draft on my drive. why the fuck would I save that? okay, gonna post. I just hope you're happy that I am going to die just a little bit more from it.
HAHAH holy fuck man. The word you're looking for is

Please read this.

I hope I didn't creep you out by sending you a friend request out of the blue like that. I sent you a message with the friend request, but I think that feature is broken. I wasn't even sure this was you until you changed your picture. I swear to god I'm not a stalker.

I wish I could have talked to you more in person, but you always seem busy, and I have to get back to my job before customers show up, plus I'm a bit shy and I don't want to be the creepy customer. God, I hope I'm not being the creepy customer.

But enough back-story. Let me get to the reason for this message. Am I wrong in thinking there was a mutual attraction between us? For awhile there I'd go in to get my coffee and our eyes would meet briefly and you would smile--and I swear you have the goddamndest most beautiful smile on earth. It's all in your eyes. They flicker. I'd think there were a dozen candles burning behind me that I had somehow missed when I'd come in.

Was this all in my head? Was it just my imagination running away with me? It seems the candles have gone out now, but I have to know that they were really once there, and if they are indeed gone for good. Look, I know you don't owe me anything, and maybe I was just deluding myself the whole time. But please, for god's sake, don't just ignore this. If you want me to fuck off, then please tell me to fuck off and I'll do so. I'm pretty good at fucking off. If fucking off were an Olympic game I'd be on a box of wheaties with a gold medal around my neck.

Well, I guess that was my Midnight Confession. I'm smitten by you. I got a feeling getting coffee is going to pretty, pretty awkward from here on in. No, seriously, if I make you uncomfortable I promise you will never have to see me again. I'm gone. Poof. Just say so.
I remember there being more cringey stuff, but that is all that is left on my drive.
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>16 years old
>Was trying to get high school poon
>Fat and beta as fuck
>Been friends with this land whale of a girl that was new to the school
>Get desperate
>ask her out, says yes
>Fast forward a month or so
>At lunch with Land whale sitting near friends
>She grabs my crotch
>Pull out my dick, might as well enjoy this.
>couple minutes pass she asks for a kiss
>look at her
>Land whale has pimples all over her face and snot running out of her nose
>This point I wanted to break up with her, but I was poose

That was cute, it's a shame she didn't like it.
i've read the first sentence like five times but can never remember what i just read, im stone sober too.

gemme a tldr version if you would be so kind.
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for like an entire year I didn't say more than "medium hot 2 sugars and cream please" then I drop her a fucking letter
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He seen a cashieer, and he wanted the poon so he added her then messaged a wall of text to her
I'm sure plenty of people before you have done that and had it work. It's sort of weird that you had never talked but I think if you were acquainted beforehand it certainly would have worked.
im damn proud of you anon
Your kind ain't welcome around here
I wrote her a letter
with my hand and a pen

that was the draft I did in word

>be me 9 year old cool kid with a 10 year old girl at elementary school, we were waiting for our parents to come take us back home.
>her name was camille.
>we were staying at the same neighborhood
>we were hanging out a lot with other kids and we were playing all summer, all weekends outside, it was really fun
>suddenly, I don't know why, but I decided I'd show my penis to her
>dropped my pants and she was like "hey what are you doing anon?"
>so i said; "party time!!" and was giggling my dick in front of her
>she was looking at me in shock of was she was seeing
>i suddenly realise what I did was shameful kek
>she leaves and tells everybody what I have done, I denied it and called her a lier, everybody trusted me and no one knew what I really did
>still talking to her to this day, but never go on that topic kek
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Do you even have to ask, continue.
Decided to say Fuck awkward silences. We're in the car Ima ask if she wants bang.
She did not want bang.
>Be 14 fat fuck that tweases eyebrows
>Have a crush on this girl for the longest but she's hot and I'm fat
>One day she tells me "wow anon your eyebrows look perfect"
>Start texting her
>My dad told me it was cool if you ignore them and then say sorry I was busy doing "insert someting cool"
>I thought something cool was tweasing my eyebrows
>Eventually she catches on "anon you do that all the time"
>My autistic response was something along the lines of "yeah, I like to put in a lot of work to get good results"
>MFW she told everyone I twease my eyebrows for 3-6 hours every day after school
fuck, man.
this wouldn't happen to have happened in New York by any chance, would it?
go count your mites you fucking faggot

you should post pics
Ah, that makes it a bit funnier. I've done shit like that before, and I suppose if they know you then it might work but 90% of the time it makes you look like you want the poon only. The shy afraid to talk bit hardly works in my opinion

>be 12
>totally think im in love with this girl
>tell my mom to take me to a jewelry store
>find a ring I like
>ask my mom to buy it
>its like $70
>"wtf dude, who is this girl"
>fuckin mom, come on, be a bro
>bro mom buys the ring

>get the ring in a small box
>put the box in a small wooden chest
>put that chest in another chest
>put that chest into a another huge chest

>4 fucking chests put together containing this shitty size 1 $70 ring
>lug this monstrosity to my summer camp
>store it in the play room
>gargantua chilling on the side of the room all day
>waiting till the end of the day
>tell the girl I have something for her
>tell my friends to handle the situation while I hide somewhere

>come back 15 minutes later
>chest still there
>ring still there
>friend tells me she "doesn't like me like that but likes me as a friend" or some shit
>struggle to get this chest back into my mommy's van
>have my friend help me
>i fucking lose.

>pic related. it's the chest i gave this girl. 12 years later.
Met up with the girl later. Cool girl. Works for dropbox or something.
most believable story I've ever read
This is the worst advice ever
I don't know if that would be a good idea, I mean have been here since summer and am reasonably sure I can trust you guys...

it's not like my face would end up in every cringe thread for the next six months

You should have chopped off your dick and given her bags of stolen gold instead, Jew bitches love that shit.

I usually did romantic stuff like this that was probably unrecognized at the time.

Once I purchased a ring off BuyShark or JewelShark or one of those Deal-A-Day sites. Bought this thing, maybe 24 bucks. Gave it to this girl I liked, told her it was a family heirloom from my grandmother. Some years later after I left for college her friend told me she still had it because she felt bad getting rid of it. Now that I'm thinking about this whole thing, I should totally call her and see if she still has it.
>>MFW she told everyone I twease my eyebrows for 3-6 hours every day after school

>go home
>go to mirror
>notice 3 hairs are growing in the eyebrow area
>oh fuck no
>tweeze that shit
>get a text
>tell that bitch whats up
>stare at the mirror for 2 more hours
>nah make it 3
>waiting for more hairs to grow
>found 2 more
>pluck those fuckers
>study the mirror for 3 more hours just in case
>get 3 more hairs
I wanted to message her, but she didn't accept my friend request... don't even remember if it was facebook, myspace, or just some instant messenger. I do remember there was a problem where the short message you sent with the request wasn't getting sent, so I thought "Hey, she probably doesn't know who this is. I better just give her a note."
>be deeply in love with girl for one and half year, I thought I was friendzoned.
>she goes on summer camp, cries and tells she love me and she will forever, tells me not to forget her.
>fuckyou bitch I dont need you im a badass edgy teen
>tell her I love her 3 monts after.
>of course get rejected, i was being so mean to her in the last month and I did it via SMS, called her later drunk making fun of her.
>I didnt even recognize myself,all day crying and sending her messages, spend 150 dollars only talking bullshit.
>stop talking to her
>she told me drunk one year after she loved me and started crying.
>mfw being this beta
>mfw i want to kill myself
It gets fucking worse but this was beta enough
>Be 14 year old beta female
>Super crushin' on this guy
>5/10 chunky but metal as fuck
>make friends with sister
>endless bjs while sister is sleeping
>one night sister wakes up and finds us
>spagetti falls out of pockets
>last time i talked to either of them

You jump from a girl asking about your eyebrows to thinking she wants to have sex with you, and you wonder why your autistic?
Told one about the time I spent stripping. The worst detai to ever tell a girl is how much more gentle men are to male strippers. It was a scar showing thing. Got one on my backside from a scratch that got infected.
Anyway that's about the least smooth thing you can do. I was 27 when I did this at a college party. Just piling on the creep factor.
Also I tried doing the splits to impress one at the gym. Thats not as masculine as one would imagine. Seriously, came off a little too far to the left of bisexual.
>Same fat fuck that teases eyebrows a couple months later
>Play the whole thing off as I didn't want to talk to her because she was boring. Which she kinda was.
>Her bf was my best friend
>He invited me over to wrestle
>He was a fit dude but I had 100+ lbs on him, I will fight for milday
>Text her all this stuff about how I'm sorry about her bf's face but it's a man's pride at stake blah blah
>He beats the shit out of me
>Ask him not to tell
>Tell his gf that we decided to workout and practice instead.
>ok anon
> I start losing weight and working out to beat this nigga
> He challenges me again
>Accept the summons
>We start wrestling and I'm much better now
>He somehow gets me to the ground and is on top of me trying to choke me out
>Throw him off of me and get him in an arm bar
>Tell his gf after I get home
>"Wow anon, but he said he put his balls in your mouth when he was ontop of you. Ouch rofl"
>No he didn't, I threw him off. I am the alpha.
>"Ok anon, he said he let you win since he embarrassed you so bad last time"
>You know about last time?
>"Everyone does, he's so nice to let you win even though you're cocky about it"
>MFW next day everyone calls me a fluffer
>be 20 year old me
>tries to impress hot Latina girl with my Spanish
>mfw she doesn't speak Spanish
>mfw i feel like a racist
burn that fucker
free your soul
This story opened a time warp that sent me back to the day of my birth. Something went wrong and the doctors had to remove my sides.
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> at club
> fine chick starting grinding
> goes straight for the kiss
> gives me her number

> don't message her after 2 weeks
> "yo wazzup"
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she lived a few states away. went to uni together. was a catholic prude. we kinda got to be good friends. decide to send her dick pics thinking maybe she was the repressed sexual kind of catholic. never heard from her again.

So you did or did not want to have relations with his lady? Who were you actually trying to impress, him or her. Im confused.
Fucking incredible mistake.
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I called myself autistic, how does this imply that I do not know that I am autistic?
Yes if anyone has more recent or adult story types pray tell.
fuck off kike scum
I did, I was trying to beat her bf and show dominance. A few years later I lost weight and cured my autism and I dated her for a month but she was a prude so I dumped her
>Jailbait (10-17)
eh. I did the same thing to my other friends a few weeks later. being alone is great. don't know why everyone on here complains about it so much.
Nothing ive done has been a horrible idea to get a girl... I use to over romanticize dates but I would be so fucking corny about it that it would actually work in my favor... haha..

at this point im at the oppisite end of the spectrum and im showing A LOT of intent like immediately... its making me want to slow down a bit... like most of my interactions with girls are basically me humping them while I talk with them, licking them, or biting their neck....

not joking either...

Im trying to see how far I can push it...
But I know deep down I just need a 2 or 3 girls I can actually ENJOY spending time with so my libido can calm the fuck down...

That way im not basically rapeing girls on the hello even though they fucking love it... smh super horny guy problems
Well to be fair she commented positively on your appearance. That usually means you are in. Either that or she wants something. You don't just go around handing out odd compliments. Seems to me you must have met her on the shortbus though. Eyebrows... That's like complimenting a gal on the symmetry of her face.
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>I bought around 100 dollars worth of birthday gifts for a girl.
>13 at the time, so that was all my cash.
>She keeps sending me mixed signals, sometimes being sweet. Sometimes being a bitch.
>Stupid ass necklace, stupid ass chocolates, stupid ass earrings and what not.

To this day I still feel like chopping off my balls when looking back at the beta days.
post pics you sound adorable
i just tend to bend over backwards to get girls to like me, even though i know itll never work out.
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It's like fresh pasta, but it's been hand rolled and cut by the gods.
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You're a virgin. I've spent entire days in bed with them before, but at some point you have to pick them up. I don't always know what I'm doing but usually there is a fair amount of conversation before and after. Woman picks me up at the bar and asks me to attend her writers club which meets at her place the next day at 1 pm. It's Friday. There has to be a conversation. Its awkward.
>be in love with girl for 3 years
>write a journal FULL of my feelings and shit about her
>give aforementioned journal to her
>she tells (for the 900th time) she only likes me as a friend
>write her a song
>write her poems
>make her mix cd's
>cater to her every need
>ask for a hug (she didn't hug me for 2-1/2 years cause she didn't believe in them)
>be her best friend and giver her stupid advice
>listen to her talk about other guys and things she did with them and act like i was interested

....high school sucked
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fuck when i was in eye school a girl commented on my eye brows aswell, wtf does that even mean?
Do you play doctor who on BBC? If not she likely was reaching. Awkward flirting. Its like "nice err skintags". It means pounce me
holy bring it up by texting her or something and post results
thats pretty gay, id do that as a joke or an odd way to try and get in her pants lol... i mean i sent about 20 girls to my online journal where they all thought i was writing about them... lol... but that wont stop me from fucking a new bitch tomorrow or the day after that
I dunno, I looked at her like wtf you talking about and walked away
oh believe me anon, i know how much of a faggot i was in high school, if i was to sit here and point out ALL the dumb shit i did to try and get women, there wouldn't be enough time
Be the knight in shining armor, its a terrible idea and she'll always want that relationship and will never be prepared to help you out in your time of need.
You're a virgin. God. How many of you are in here?
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lol... dont get me started
I always talk deep and flat, but that's because I'm on bipolar medication.
Well done anon

I think every dude has one of those stories from HS. Here's mine.
>crushing on this girl since 6th grade
>years past, don't do shit
>see said cutie in web design class I in high school
>she had 1st period, I had 2nd, would always catch her as she was leaving
>rosario dawson lite
>anyway i tell her i wrote a song for her
>a decent guitar player, kicked out of band for hamming it up to much
>play it in the hallway
>she cringes and runs away
>calls me that night, says she doesnt like me that way
>i cry like a faggot after she hangs up
>see her at school the next day
>"we can still be friends, OK?"
>two weeks later, at home playing some shit mmo like WoW or whatever was popular in 2007
>she calls me
>tells me about how she fucked my friend at party
>she goes into detail about how she sucked his dick and how amazing his body was
>i dont think she was being a bitch on purpose, think she really thought I wanted to know about it...talking to me like im one of her girlfriends
>im polite, say I gotta go after she starts talking about how amazing his abs were

We were really good friends throughout high school, even after that happened. However, after that, she just went her own way and I went mine.
Dude, that exchange sounds like it took place at a special needs camp or something. Autism all around.
I'm told with me you have to be as subtle as a Molotov cocktail but even I can tell you what an awkward compliment means. That must have looked cold to everyone else. Especially her.
it's not a good idea tho whip out your dick next to a woman when you're sitting at the back of the bus.
apparently that only works in gifs
i don't have my own story but i know a guy who went above and beyond for a chick considering he was 14.

he'd been smitten on this ugly small-toothed motherfucker for a while, she knew it too. one day he invites her over for dinner, to her surprise she is greeted by the guy in a fucking suit.

the evening progresses and he lights candles and even cooks his own steak for her. compliments her throughout. just all-around movie romance-esque shit.

bitch had a boyfriend, he could've waited until they broke up.

i don't understand how people get hung on girls that much damn
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holy shit some one using my OC
Lol this so much. You can help them get over their "depression" and make them stop cutting and crying themselves to sleep every night. You can make them have some self-worth for once in their lives. But the one thing you can't fucking teach them is to respect the only person in the world who was willing to get them there in the first place.
What you're saying is that you avoided a cunt in highschool.
What do you look for in a girl? Some one that you grow old with together, as friends or a brief fling?
Nah you're just not doin it right.
i was kind of immature a few years ago...

I made a rule to myself- MAINTAIN THE FRAME AT ALL COSTS... lol its pretty hardcore and I actually enjoyed training like that....

essentially I believe, and this is weird but just me, that as a man... from OPEN TO FUCKING CLOSE you need to be FUCKING SOLID... yuo need to stick with EVERY THING YOU FUCKING SAID... like even if you "lied"... I stick with it as if it was the fucking truth...

That way it kind of highlights your "masculinity"... it sounds strange but youd be SHOCKED at how women respond to a guy whom can hold his reality rock solid...

Anyways anytime I "lost a girl" I made a vow to myself to see how fucking far I could push it with the "botched" frame... it honestly tightens your game up like A LOT... like if you can FUCK UP A SET HARD... and then RECOVER IT... you show an INSANE INSANE INSANE amount of value... like the emotional intelligence it takes to be able to push it to the extreme AND get away with it...

in words of rsdjulien- if you can do that- YOURE A GOD.

Im at the point though where I think for the next few monthes im only going to be focusing on actual romantic dates... like I'm kind of done with the hard core masculine frame... I feel like I infused and calibrated it pretty well
> Be me
> In love with girl same age
> Says she likes me but wont date me because of some black stalker kid
> find out he lives next store
> plant drugs in his mailbox
> call police
> kid gets arrested
> never see him again
> no more black kids
> the darkness has lifted
> girl dies from pancreatic cancer
> mfw wat.mkv
lol I did something sortive similar to this when I was that age with a bracelet what made us think that was a good idea at the time haha
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>has fancy phone
>decides to record friends lil sis in bathroom
>junior year
>sets screen towards wall and set back camera towards direction

>she's heading to shower
>run in bathroom before she goes in and sets camera
that's not even beta or embarrassing youre just a stupid slut
I had the opposite problem. I'm thick when it comes to flirting. It took me years to figure out what the fuck was going on with my lady friends. Turns out I didn't have any. No one liked me as a friend. They thought I was a cold hearted asshole. Still stings.
I had a girl I didn't know or go to school complain about having to serve detention on Saturday to me, so I told her to say she was Jewish. She did this Benny Hill Chinese impersonation saying "me so sorry, I Jewish". I'm actually Jewish. She kept touching me apologizing. It was so awkward and weird that I still remember it. Like down to the smells. Burned its way in.

I dunno. Maybe we didn't really know of any other way to tell a girl we liked her, probably because we didn't know what that meant or entailed to us, either.

I don't think usually people "tell" other people they like them, that's kind of an oldfashioned thing to do, like in meet and greets. Nowadays if you like someone, you're supposed to "enjoy their company."

I just remember always being so nervous to approach anyone saying that, yet I was never nervous when I was "showing off" to a girl or displaying my prowess doing something I was good at.
> poem
What the fuck was that shit?
underrated as fuck
> be 19, at uni
> have girlfriend
> 8-9/10 body, galacticly stupid
> be early days
> she virgin
> fool around, get naked, shes electric
> don't fuck as no rubber
> see her next day, she is drunk as fuck
> she bores me, tell her friend 6/10 like her better
> don't go back
> see her a couple of weeks later with new fella
> he has permanent distant look and stupid grin
> I know why
> wtf did i do all that wrong for
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>at party
>on an eighth
>friend comes up with girl i know
>"you two are going to fuck tonight"
>look at her
>IN my head "this is wonderful
>play it off cool haha whatever man
>she looked into my eyes
mfw my pupils were dialated like her asshole later that night

except she was fuckin someone else
Nigger you didn't spend your life savings (what was left) taking a cheating whore to disney world. You just learned a lesson about girls early on
Lol seriously...

I mean if you ask for a hug... then like I guess I know where you are coming from...

I had a girl at my old work place I was DIEING to hold... but I also had a rule never to escalate in a workplace because if it went sour I didnt want the full burden of responsibility for a romantic relationship
(i.e. girl freaks shit and does that bullshit sexual harassment law suit)

So I tried to get her to escalate in this really fucking twisted frame where I would backhandedly give her permission to make a move and AS SOON AS SHE DID I would close the exist...

Lol it was fucking twisted but thats how bad I wanted her...

I still do but at the same time... like I know I'm worth a lot more...

Anyways but dude if you can't get a hug from a girl kill yourself... as I said pretty much 40% of the girls I talk with im doing something EXTEREMELY perveted with at this point...

90% I'm humping while I talk with them

Practice being shameless... no joke its the newest skill set im polishing up... and girls love it...

Im kind of trying to embody like a white trash whore right now to see what happens
the way you write hurts my eyes
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>she gets out
>gatta "piss"
>look at footage and see her look at my phone
>she then gets completely undressed and bends over deliberately, and just dances.
>at the end of the video she looks at the camera and says in a whispering voice "next time you do this, it's not so secret when you lie it against a mirror
>she knows and some how confronted me in a fucken video
>later that night I sleep on couch
>I hear foot steps
>she just notions me to pull down my pantiloons.webm
>suck on my dick
>speghetti in her mouth
>she swallows but gags "since I ate some nasty shit earlier
> jizz flavor was like Kim kardashions box
>now and then she would suck me off
thanks for reading
They melt if you say "I think I love you" in a long drawn out manner. All awkward. I call this the Hugh Grant. It is a live grenade though. Pounce or run. Sometimes they do one and then the other.
>90% I'm humping while I talk with them

Did everyone laugh at you?
actually i'm a lot like this, i can get hugs but i don't care enough about any girl to want to just hold them.

saying that, i did cuddle with a bitch last week on the bus and it would've been nice if i knew how to cuddle and not be awkward about it
*bowl of eggs*
you have to eat this
How did you not realize an uber-religious girl wasn't going to put out?

At least you got your soul saved.
Autism. They need to design a pill for your kind.
yeah... Im not joking Im practicing physicality and verbals at the moment When I talk with a girl I get about 6 inches away from her face while I press her hips into mine... and Im not joking... I just kind of hump her while I talk...

Yeah I like holding girls in a different sense... not like nookie or bosom type of shit haha... pardon the eminem reference... but more like "im there for you" type of thing..
im here for you flop. we were all there
fucking kike
i swear i'm not so socially inept as to be an autist

it's just intimacy/relationship things that i suck at

she was just tired and i wanted to fuck her for the sake of sex

i guess i done goofed
It's spelled "tweeze".

And I tweeze but never admit it unless they realize on their own, then I act a little embarrassed. Gets girls soaking wet.
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Tell me your experience, anon.
How do I deal with being flat feeling wise all the time /b/? The medication I'm on makes me feel nothing at all, like I can't even feel the loving embrace of a girl that was willing to give it all for me but realized that I'm fucked and crushed herself in disappointment, how does one cope with this?
worst thing ive ever done i guess was for this one girl. she had me basically do anything for her. would drive 30 min out of my way to take her to school for 2 years straight. would baby sit her siblings for her so she could go have fun, would buy her food all the time. she kinda teased me into being her bitch for a while
wait so is the medication the evident cause or is the medication just something not working for this feeling *or lack of*?

in either case, don't rely on meds
may or may not be 12-14
That sounds like a terrible idea, I need to be on this medication, I'm bipolar, it sucks big time, I'll have my ups and downs like everyone but they would be amplified like I'd be super happy or extremely sad but with the meds I'm on a good line the whole time.
I'm personally like weening myself off of drama...
Like I "spike" when I dont even mean to...

I'm avoiding saying I love you.
I have a special connection with you.
Youre beautiful...

All these "manflower" type of experssions Im backing off of because I actually learned how to do them quite effectively...

So now im focusing on another range of emotions

I'll fuck you sideways
Why aren't you begging to suck my dick?
Youre friends a dirty slut
Youre such a loser....

Im working on my negative expressions now...
Of course I always flip it around but I'm actually suprised how more girls actually are MORE comfortable with me calling them a dead beat white trash whore... (even though I dont mean it)

Than me saying I think you are absollutely stunning and I wanted to get you a drink...

(a lot of girls CAN NOT click with that unless I have patience with them and DISAPPROVE of them thinking they are shit.. meaning like Ill compliment them and tell them something unique I notice about them... and they will hit me with some bullshit about how they dont think they are and yadda yadda yadda... then I have to get fucking pissed and call them an idiot for thinking otherwise... haha... anyways... uh yeah women are fucking morons)
Well I fumble around grasping for air and they either throw themselves at me or run from me. Sometimes they pull a runner and then come streaking back; sometimes they do the opposite. Up until my current relationship they have all eventually ran out on me. I can be pretty insufferable. Cute only goes so far. At some point they have all told me to grow the fuck up.
I have a panic disorder. Random stuff sets it off. Also I'm thick in the head at times.

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>The best imageboards from around the world
>Women - something to put your dick in
Well change meds. Have you tried a small dose of weed? Sometimes all you really need is dumbimg down. Not numbing out.
>red pill alert

When I crash from being UP...
Like dude... dude... its so fucked... I had a recent crash the likes of which I hadnt experienced in YEARS and hoenstly I went completely retarded for about a month and a half...

Like I forgot almost EVERYTHING and could barely do the simplest tasks without being in a daze... like it was SOOOO fucked...

I spent about 1 month in my bed crying....
Im not even joking...

Meds are the best for bipolar disorder...
I dont take the meds they suggest (strong antidepressants) i take adderall for it... but im thinking of switching to vyvanse because I think its even clincally safer...

Im very health consciousnesses and I HATE the idea of harming my body... let alone taking adderall...:-/

But unfortunately you have to work with it...

Im sure you know as much as I do, if you really are bipolar, that the highs of your disorder are well worth enduring the lows.

I've never tried smoking weed before, would that even work for somebody with bipolar?
I've never tried weed before, do you think I could go get a medical card for it?
wat, why did it post twice? I thought I only sent it once, weird.
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met a beautiful french 20 something at show. small talk, ask about france, what she thinks of the music, things like that.ask if she knows how to make croissants. she says yes. later on in conversation i ask if whe wants to make sandwiches sometime, "i'm a great chef and could do some excellent things with hand made croissants" she says no. onto next group of girls
god you actually wrote that? i thought it was spam
it can have a negative effect too, im bipolar and i smoked weed for a few years til it started making me worse. it works differently for everyone though. if you try it, smoke A LITTLE BIT then wait 15 minutes. it takes a bit to hit your first time. if it sucks, stop.
fuck off whore
im a gay dude
you couldve just said
>beta as fuck music faggot
>girl i liked fucked my friend and rubbed it in my face
>too beta to do anything about it
>now even more alone
i guess that doesnt negate the whore part though
It personally made me funny as fuck...

People would honestly want to hang around me because I was like the funniest person on the planet when I smoked...

Unless I was around judgemental people... then I would go very introspective and exam their frames and take mental notes...

Personally for me... weed was only good around about 80% of people I chilled with...

but overall with my disorder it made me VERY VERY VERY self conscious and paranoid when I smoked... thats just my opinion...

Its fucking weird because on one end any friend whom has ever smoked with me when I get on a rant has said that im the funniest person theyve ever fucking met in their life.

But if the person is negative and criticizes others while I smoke... i become very shy and introverted... or I just ignore them and become very sexual...

But overall weed makes me a docile paranoid creature.... i dont like it
Long term adderall use doss not harm the heart, renel system or liver. Spiked usage is hard on the heart but daily does not appear to do damage. So its not the worst drug out there. Aspirin is harder on you long term! That's the scary bit. You take lots of poisons. 100 years from now they will look back at your over the counter meds like we do to mercury being used as a salve.
replace whore with fagoot, gg no rematch
Asking her out in front of her mom, who ran away with the stroller after pepper spraying me.
saved because nipples
/b/eing romantic just doesn't pay off this century.
Ive heard... but I figure if I ever want to work myself off of a stimulant, vyvanse, which is less addictive, would be the one I should switch too...

Its tough but routines make such a huge difference in bipolar disorder its insane...

Like my mental functioning has a direct correlation with activity levels...

If i have nothing going on (even for like 3 or 4 days if im doing NOTHING for 3-4 days) there is a good chance I start "losing it"....

But if I have "a mission to accomplish" I can be relied upon...

its a very interesting disorder to be able to have and observe.... its why bipolars can sometimes be mislabeled as schizos...

Because we "think in scalability"... I mean yes some do actully have voices in their head... but what I mean is... like our thought patterns even change based on what state we are in because "memory is state dependent"

So like its weird im in a state where im like yeah im an ice cold mofo pimp....

Yet I would have NO FUCKING recollection of that monthes ago... lol...

Its such an odd fucking disorder... but I grow to love it more and more the older I get
I'm stealing your idea for my gf. That shit is romantic as fuck

>Be a badass musician and play a lot of shows in front girls, putting myself in a position of notoriety and assigning myself social value

Oh wait, just kidding that shit that works all the time
I am laughing like a god damned hyena
We didn't evolve to do nothing for long periods of time. You're just a more extreme case. Canary in a cole mine.
damn, really? i'm glad it's an inspiration.
good for you for finding it interesting at least. i resent it and that probably makes it worse.
does this work for you because you're hot?
Problem is it's off topic. This is a thread bout unconscious flirting. Not introspective nightmares.

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> 8th grade
> wrote her poems every night under a pseudonym
> slipped them in her locker unseen everyday
> called into the office about a month later with her, her parents, her bf, and the cops
> told I'm a stalker
> every spaghetti factory in the world has not produced a quarter the amount of spaghetti that spilled from my pockets at that moment
> mfw

Bipolar disorder debatabley is a genetic alteration in human beings meant for "hibernation"....

As in like...
People who suffer with it are like an adaptive human mutant meant to survive winters (depressive phase) then put a lot of work in during the warm seasons (spring normal- summer hypomania)

I agree though i kind of am a microcasm of all of humanity in one person
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Wow, fucking winner. I didn't even realize. How the fuck would I deliver that goldmine nowadays?
Probably has something to do with it...

But I really think it works mostly because im extremely horny whilst im doing it haha
>the darkness has lifted
Dude, they could have handled that better. Just announcing that whomever is leaving poetry under the name of x needs to stop over the pa would have worked.
>be 16
>be lonely
>friends with girl for couple months
>text her "I like you, you should be my girlfriend"
>receive text
>"yea I like you too anon"
>we date for a month
>send her text on thanksgiving for how grateful I am to have her
>I am constantly talking with her can't get enough of those lips
>week after birthday
>breaks up with me saying I am overly attached
>I tell her to fuck right off and I hate her

This was a year ago and now she is a slut and I am seeing her this Friday at a friends party. I am no longer beta but also lost interest in her.

tl;dr: don't date a girl because you are lonely, it only leads to more loneliness

>thread asking to describe stupid thing you did
>calls someone who describes stupid thing stupid

do you even
My thing in school was looking up the surname in the phone book, finding the address that was closest to our school, and literally post her a love letter.

I can only imagine their face, when they got a letter in the mail from some kid that's never said a word to them, confessing endless love for ever.
oh and so theres this girl... shes my new boss...

I fucked her to get a job at her company
I was terrified. Made to feel like I was a criminal or something. I was a kid with a crush.
That was just so human in a way. I can see how it might be interpreted wrong but, it seems honest like, anyone could have said it or thunk it. Nice anon maybe I'm in a loopy mindset but I found it beautiful, like some other things in this thread honestly...
Is this a fucking meme or do people really talk like this? Holy shit every post is cancer
>been with my current girlfriend 6-7 months
>now be in a long distance relationship
>argue constantly
>dont even really like her
>told her I love her because I was really sad about leaving (was visiting her)
>probably dont really
>can't break up because she owes me $350 and I need a place to stay when I go back to DC
This is a thread in /b/ faggot. Fuck off with your topic.
seriously some of the shit in here is cute as fuck
sucks that it didn't work out but it doesn't make you a screaming autist

Don't worry, while your away she's getting the cock from someone else.
Depends on the Jew. My family still speaks some Yiddish. Creeps into conversations when I'm grasping for a word. This can be awkward. My current girlfriend thought when I was talking about my grandmother I was using a cute nickname for my brother. She did not know the word bubbie. That was awkward as fuck because she told her family this and not one of them knew better. Can you believe it? Anyway Hebrew isn't the hardest language. It's colorful and nasty sharp.
I stuck my dick in one once, TERRIBLE idea.
>long distance
Every time
It's also heavy and precise about it's description. English can get pretty ambiguous, but Hebrew is precise in it's description of things.

There are like a thousand fdifferent rules for how to say things correctly in Hebrew, it's annoying.
ooga booga boo
imma fuck you in the vagoo
>be 15
>new girl moves to town
>immediately fall in love with new girl
>immediately friend zoned by new girl
>pretend to be friends
>give girl advice on other guys
>girl says she used to like me
>too beta to do anything
>profess my love every few months
>I only like you as a friend
>over next few years watch her fuck 10 guys
>pay her my life savings to fuck her
>she agrees
>feel even more beta
>whole school finds out
>never talk to her again

She was the first and only girl I've ever fucked.
I'd honestly welcome it because then Id have a legitimate reason to break up with her without feeling like I'm the asshole who's giving up on our relationship. Honestly, I would be fine if she just paid me back and that was that.
>be me
>seventh grade, talking to a girl I like over fb
>she says her sister gave her an eraser burn when she was a toddler
>think if I get an eraser burn we'll have something in common
> give myself three eraser burns on my arm
> see her at school the next day, with the biggest fucking scabs on my arm the world had ever seen
> fucking nasty, deep dark red, look like I was tied to a truck and dragged down the road
>she screams and runs
> nobody talks to me until I leave to a different town for high school
> scars didn't go away till sophomore year was over
The feels. A great Jewish girl would have given you 10/10 for that and possibly also some Jewish love and care.
Gayest shit I ever read.
This is win.
That just proves that whatever country you live in is fucking retarded.
Honestly if you just deleted some parts of the message it would have been completely fine. Unless she was a dumb bitch in which case you dodged a bullet anyways
>>I tell her to fuck right off and I hate her

Nigger are you like 14 or something?
Definitely cringey. It's not that terrible though. I bet some of her friends who laughed were a little envious that they haven't received attention like that. Not that it would've worked with them either, but just saying, it isn't that bad. It's still flattering.
Well at least you have turned her into a whore. Whatever she'll do in life, she will know in her heart of hearts that she is a whore.

Fuck zero-sum, negative sum is where it is at.
It came out of nowhere was my first girlfriend it was all kinds of bad. She was acting bitchy it wasn't just cus she dumped me. We are cool tho but that bitch still has my batman movie
Everyone knows The United States of America is retarded. What country are you in, /b/ro?
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>be 17
>becoming friends with 10/10 godess in my class
>start hanging out a fuckton after school
>nonstop texting
>i like her but i dont know if she likes me back
>shit goes on for a while
>godess switches to another class due to social problems
>we slowly stop talking to eachother
>lose contact completely
>mfw a friend of hers tells me a year later she actually liked me
>mfw when i could have fucked a 10/10 but didnt
>mfw still a virgen
>be in math in high school
>16 maybe
>girl I know in class with me she's older
>meet this other girl who's my age
>talk to both
>oblivious as fuck
>new girl tells me that old girl likes me
>nahhh wat she's a 9/10 no way
>new girl and old girl fight
>old girl like 8/10
>realize later she liked me too
>didn't make any moves on either
>never saw the hints

fuck i hate myself
new girl is 8/10, my apologizes
I know this all too well, except I don't know her opinion of me so in the end it's left open and lost in a way. I just convince myself it couldn't happen, setting your outlooks low keeps you in misery but at least you don't have to meet regret and rejection. I don't know what's worse
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Was kind to one
its a numbers game, honestly just facing potential rejection is the way to go if you wanna get somewhere, if it happens you just gotta try another. was too much of a pussy to do anything though in this case
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>Mfw a 10/10 expressed her love to me but realized I'm a lost cause and ended up crushing her own soul in the process of being with me
It's terrible, I would cry if I could but I can't, her posts on Facebook are very depressing and we haven't talked in about three years.
Asked a girl who I'd gotten to know during the semester.
She was "straight" but had all lesbian friends.
I was so ignorant of makes me mad, what the FUCK was I thinking
>of makes me
I'm tired
you were trying way too hard.
keep it simple, stupid.
know that feel m8, happened to me 2 weeks ago
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>be me
>known girl for 4 years, since sixth grade
>everything has failed because i'm too beta to directly say i want to fuck
>turns out that's what she wanted
>freshman year
>find this thing called 4chan
>everybody posting pictures of girls they text with shit like "4 decides"
>sophomore year comes around and i've given up on the bitch, decide to make a thread on /b/
>"5 decides"
>one person rolls 5, rerolling for another guy's post
>message her on fb "reroll"
>next winrar says "stupid faggot op you were supposed to say what i linked not reroll"
>send her that
>she's confused as fuck
>next winrar is some long fedora-esque shit asking her for nudes
>thread asking for delivery
>confess we're both only fifteen
>was never banned
>this was like maybe three months ago
>still never banned
>we start talking again
> one day i was talking with her and her boyfriend, he has to leave
>high five him, me and her go behind school tennis courts and make out ferociously
>we then move to baseball field and make out there
>we then move to tunnel under the highway in front of our school and make out there
>we then go back to the school and make out there
>i slip a finger in
>now i have mono
>my beta friends think i'm a god for kissing a girl
well aren't you one alpha mother fucker
.... sloow clap
You aren't helping me with my depression, shill-sama
>be 13-14 years old
>Atheist (still an atheist)
>girl is Jehovah's Witness
>asked her if I could follow her to a meeting with Jehovah's witness
>hear them talking about that porn/sex before marriage is bad
>start laughing out loud
>everyone gives me a look
>3 months later she becomes an atheist

Shit was scary tho xD
even tho I have a gf I still try talk to attractive women, I know I'll never cheat on my gf but for some reason I just love the thrill and anxiety of approaching a girl out of your league and trying to keep every pocket on your outfit from bursting with spaghetti
I was wondering if you went to that high school. I dont know of many with a tunnel under a highway in front of them, so it seemed reasonable to ask
fair enough.
but no, ACHS
One time at a party I was making out with a chick in the basement and she wanted to go back to the party. So we start walking up the stairs and as we get to the top start making out again. My 15 year old ass was horny as fuck so I put my hand down her pants and finger banged her and we lost balance and fell all the way down the stairs. She starts crying, I hit my head and was confused as fuck about what was going on. People heard the noise and came running over to see what happened. She was crying and her pants were ripped off from my hand being shoved down them during the fall.

Despite that massive failure, she became my girlfriend soon after and she was a cutie
WTF, that is a totally batshit crazy reaction. I agree with the loudspeaker comment. What the hell were they thinking? Totally humiliating a kid with a crush? Jesus fucking Christ.
>be me, 16
>year 12 chemfag
>decide it would be a good idea to save a girl from a dangerous situation
>choose one girl in my grade, let's call her kirby
>kirby solid 7.5/10
>in class one day, balancing equations and doing practical experiments and shit
>accidentally break mercury thermometer into nitric acid
>get idea
>go home
>order filter mask off of the internet
>ring various stores, buy nitric acid, mercury, and ethanol. make sure to do different stores so they don't guess what's up


Until this tread I never thought about how fucked that was. But it caused me to never write anything for anyone again. (Or rather, not show them anyway).
Bought her oral sex spray, sent it to her house. She mentioned finding it on amazon two weeks earlier. I thought she would laugh
Wait... how'd they catch you?
I saw that article too...
lol basically any time i've ever actively tried to impress a girl ended in huge embarrassment. Married to half mexi 7.8/10 with children now and sometimes I cringe at my former self
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>tell family i'm going to friends house for the day
>run out into Forrest, excited about my plan
>mix mercury with nitric acid etc etc
>after about 8 hours i have 150g of pure mercury fulminate
>cling wrap that shit because i don't want to die
>go home like nothing happened
>"have you been smoking anon?"
>"no dad." i could feel my asshole clench with every step i took
>come Monday, kirby walking to class with her friend, none the wiser
>about to unleash my master plan
>being the skinny unathletic cunt i am i overestimate my abilities
>go round the back of a building so nobody can see me

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>be me, I'm 21
>playing with fire
>get to know a girl through another girl over the internet
>first girl is kind of jelly, we use to talk a lot
>i talk a lot to plan B now adays
>get both their addresses
>plan B says shes asexual, all of my what
>still gets romantically attached to people but has no physical attraction to them
>still venturing down this road as a friend
>the burn is coming and its soon.
you could do more than that at a time you stingy jew
Tbh I'm not entirely sure. Maybe someone saw me one day? This was 1992/93, so no cams/phones/security. Maybe there were enough clues in 30 some poems to piece together? I wasn't really thinking savvy/incognito. Or rather I wasn't good at it, obv. Damn, I wish I had all those. Talk about personal cringe.
The whole cops thing is just crazy, but I disagree with the PA. It would embarrass the grill. They should have taken you in private and said something like knock it off faggot, only nicer since you were a child.
dude this was 6 minutes ago, come the fuck on
>tie 150g of this shit to a string hang it over building
>plan was to drop it and tackle her out harms way, all prince and majestic like
>carefully set my string up over roof
>the stage is set, now to wait for next period
>1 hour passes of me in the bathroom smiling my smug little face off
>the bell rings and i walk out, cock as hard as diamonds
>see kirby and her clique walking under the roof i want them to
>i get in position
>let string loose
>it falls majesticly for a few seconds as they speed up their pace for some stupid reason
>i see it falling faster than i though it would
>it hits the ground and i'm like 1 metre behind her
>the compound explodes
>a lot bigger than i expected it to
>i stumble back unharmed
>dazed and my ears ringing, i examine the scene
>he friend has lost her leg from the knee down, blood meat is hanging from kirby
>there was enough spaghetti falling from every orifice in my body to feed all of Africa for the next 10 years
>so one friend lost her leg, big deal. her other friend has lost half her torso. i guess it landed on her
>kirby fell back and hit her head
>paralyzed from neck down
>mfw when i ruined my future wives life
>mfw i killed a girl
>mfw they never found out what it was

it would have been easier to ask her out
are you fucking with us?
…This can't be real…If so you are the most autistic person to have ever graced this board with your autism, Chris Chan doesn't have shit on you.
no. i really did stupid shit like this almost all the time but never on such a large scale.
So you literally blew up a human being?
just a bit of one
I did notice her and some other grills reading the poems near me. Obv it was not coincidence as my adolescent mind thought. But yeah, cops? The bf? Her and her parents I could see. Or me and my folks. Goddamn I always hated that principal. Good thing that was my only year with her.
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