Let’s get a late night tard story thread going. >be in 4th grade >be in Cub Scouts (like Boy Scouts, but for little kids) >was really there for the camping trips, which did not happen often at all >held in elementary school cafeteria >I didn’t really like anyone there >the scout master or whoever the fuck was a cunt >she had three retarded kids like some witch cursed her vagina to spawn these monsters >they were all complete fuckwits >for storytelling purposes, let’s call them Moe, Curly, and Larry >Moe is the tall, skinny one. He had glasses and an underbite. Could run like a motherfuck >Curly, I think, had Down Syndrome. He had curly hair and a bulky build. Massive tard strength. Arguably the tank of the group >Larry was a microcephalic pinhead, but he was somehow smarter than the others. >be playing Monopoly one day with them >Monopoly with retarded people is fun >get Boardwalk >Moe flips his shit and storms off >other two tards go into fucking mental shutdown state >seriously, it was like they needed Moe there to function properly >decide to get pizza and do whatever >go to the bathroom >Moe is standing there >scares the shit out of me >he has his dick out >”I’b gonna pee on you,” he says in his retarded voice >turn around and leave >think I’m in the clear >see a yellow stream hit the wall where I had been >hear footsteps >OH GOD IT’S MOBILE >run down hallway as a retarded kid is trying to hit me with piss >this kid is fucking fast >make it to the cafeteria >moe has run out of piss >he is not just running around with his dick out >strains himself trying to pee on me more as he points his penis at me >his mom tells him to stop >no sort of punishment >decide I’m done for that night >step into hallway >there’s a fucking line of piss all the way from the bathroom
More? >a few months later >finally going camping >we go to campgrounds by a lake >aw shit yes >had a fucking awesome tent >get there early, set up my tent at a great spot >scout master and her retarded kids arrive after I set it up >scout master says that the kids wanted that spot >tell her I’m not moving my tent >nothing she can really do >I close the flaps as Moe, Larry, and Curly are audibly upset that I took their spot >come out later and ask what’s going on >Scout master tells me that they’re reading the bible >go back in tent for the rest of the night >this was the cause of many people thinking I was depressed early on in life >I just had a cool tent, fuckers >later on hear Curly near my tent >”Ben, come out and listen to the bible” he says in a whiny voice >”The bible’s not real, dummy,” I say. I guess I was kind of a cunt about it, but eh >he’s pissed >”come listen to it right now!” >”No” >Suddenly hear Moe quickly approaching >Unleashes a tard roar and says, “YOU HAVE TO COME” >Tell him no >hear fumbling >suddenly a jet of piss hits the side of my tent >I’m glad he doesn’t know to pee in the windows. I batten down the hatches and prepare for a storm >by that, I mean I Velcro the windows shut >Curly knows this tactic isn’t working >lunges into the tent, breaking the supports and making the whole thing cave in >Moe is still pissing >I’m trapped under a broken tent and a tard >eventually the scout master pulls him off >”Ben, come out of there. Are you okay?” >”Call my dad. I want to go home” >”Ben, sweetie, just come out.” >”No. I’m not coming out until my dad’d here.” >they phone my dad and he’s there in half an hour >leave cub scouts
The horror wasn’t over yet. They were in a special ed class at my middle school since they got too much for their mother to handle. >be in 6th grade >things are great until I start seeing these fuckers >they wave and I ignore them >all contact from them is ignored >one day, I am tasked with taking attendance to the office >see tard wrangler on his way to the office >he’s looking for three tards >I should have known it was them >the walk to the office from the 6th grade wing is long. I’m making my trip through the 7th grade wing when I hear someone whisper, “Now” >I turn around to see Moe, Larry, and Curly with their dicks out >IT’S A COORDINATED ATTACK >Scream, “HOLY FUCKING FUCK” and run into the nearest classroom I can find >the teacher inside is pissed and his class is laughing. I was louder than I’d thought >see a piss puddle slowly grow under the door >they’re trying to pee under it >it was funny to everyone, ominous to me, like a T-1000 seeping under a door >decide to fight back >open door really hard >breaks Moe’s nose >Curly begins bashing door like the hulk >lock door >I can hear the screaming and pounding from outside >this is siege warfare… >eventually the teacher opens the door and tells them to stop >they obey just like that >we’re all suspended >fucking former scout master tries to sue the school for not giving me more time >the incident becomes known as the “Ben Incident” which begat the name “Bencident” >became famous as the target of all tards >guys thought it was funny >girls thought I started it
>be 15, sophomore year in HS >cut through office from tech ed >see two girls crouching down >one is groaning loudly >get closer to see the madness >tard girl using tard strength to cling to qt's hair >feltsobadforher.jpeg >2 tard wranglers trying to calm down crazy tard >afterlunch.jepg >tard wranglers are mad at qt >she punched tard girl because she wouldn't let go of her hair for 20+ minutes >I would've done the same thing >mfw
There were minor incidents in the 6th and 7th grade. Sometimes they would try to tackle me. Moe ran fast but had shitty aim. Curly was just slow. Never really got into it with Larry, though he called me a cunt once, which was funny. They moved to New Hampshire during 8th grade, making my early high school years great and stress-free.
They came back in the 10th grade… >be around Christmas time >have a girlfriend >still kinda known for my tard wars, but whatever >gf and I are at Christmas dance >this lanky fucker is getting down on the dance floor >trying to breakdance, but he can’t. He’s one big blur. >realize that it’s fucking Moe >hopefully he’s forgotten me >see Curly hanging out nearby >Curly has this huge mop of hair full of grease and extra chromosomes >guy with Christmas hat who’s been sitting near us talking with someone else mentions dancing guy as his brother >that’s Larry. Didn’t recognize him with his head point covered up >Turn to leave >Larry recognizes me and says, “BEN!” >expect piss >he hugs me >this is a change >gf is chuckling >Curly comes over and loudly says, “Whoa! Your girlfriend is hot! I’d like to fuck her.” >Heads turn to look at him >we’re laughing our asses off >Moe turns and sees us >He looked tall from afar, but he’s really tall up close >He’s actually somewhat well-adjusted >okay then >tell them it’s been great, but I have to leave >go to car, make sure I’m not followed >decide to fuck gf in back seat >things are going well until we hear a moan outside >curly is standing right outside the car jerking off >I guess we should have expected it >jump to front of car as quickly as I can and drive off
So now that curly is a massive pervert, Larry likes to hug me, and Moe is no longer peeing on me, I have new obstacles. Luckily, they aren’t as bad as they had been. The worst is Curly saying wildly inappropriate things until 12th grade. >Be at mall with gf >walking out of Barnes and Noble >curly is right there, standing in line for Cinnabon >the other tards are off doing whatever >their mother sees me and says hi >we talk for a little bit >It’s pretty awkward because I still remember her as a cunt and she knows two of her kids hate me >curly sees us and immediately locks onto my girlfriend >moe approaches and asks to walk with us >gf thinks funny shit could go down >we let them hang around with us, waiting for lols >we eventually hit gamestop >curly has a gigantic boner right now >moe and girlfriend are talking about some sims game >since my gf likes the sims, they immediately decide that they love her >some time later, we’re talking and they get her to turn around >they both pull her fucking shirt down so they can see her boobs >have to pull her away from them so she doesn’t murder curly and moe >we’re done with the mall >later on, hear they both ended up getting kicked out of the mall for fighting >turns out curly eventually punched moe out in the mall after a dispute over who touched my girlfriend’s tits more
Last one, guys >last month of my senior year >realize that I never ever got back at those fuckers >they’ve done a lot of shit >decide to hatch a plan >gf is 100% on board with this >we scheme and scheme like fucking supervillains >buy some LSD tabs and a tent >ask Larry if he wants to go camping with me >he says yes very happily, but he wants to bring the tards with him >excellent >before the trip, I make sandwiches and put the acid in them >doing an excited dance as I put together these sandwiches >day of the trip (pun unintended), I drive them to the old camping grounds >they have no clue something is up >set tent up for them >give them the sandwiches >eventually they start tripping balls >drive away, leaving three mentally handicapped people, all high on LSD, alone in the woods >I don’t hear much from them again >I do know that they were found naked in someone’s backyard the next day
They tried telling them that I was involved, but I covered my bases good. Nobody was able to prove anything. As I graduated from high school, I looked forward to a future without these twats.
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