ITT: REALLY AWFUL SEX PARTNERS Share your very own disappointments.

>>574443361
your mom was pretty disappointing. I figured with all the practice she's had, she would be at least decent. Turns out not so much

>>574443556
I know, right... Lamest... BJ... Ever...

Thank god dad left her... wasn't worth it...

> be me
> 8yo
> visiting grandma with cousins
> her senior compound has a sauna
> downwiththat.jpg
> undress and enter sauna, see that my cousin is already there
> start talking about penis, comparing size and whatnot
> typical 8 yo things
> the conversation works its way around to performing oral on eachother
> get a bj on my halfchub
> usual 8yo nonsense
> cousin decides that's not good enough, bends over
> start fucking him in the ass, only just penetrating with my little penne
> oh, to be a kid again
> take it out, start pissing on him,
> opens his mouth like a toilet, drinks what I give him
> finish with some kissing smearing feces on eachother
3/10, didn't even get to orgasm

>>574443361
She had teeth like a beaver. A beaver like a beaver too (furry as all fuck). Bj (only the one) was like having my cock gnawed on. Fuck was like humping the sofa cushions when I was a kid. 0/10 never banged again

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>>574443361
Not really the partner as such, but was fingering my gf, pulled fingers out to suck them clean while looking at her, turned out i'd fingered her so hard she'd bled a bit, plus some smegma, something i only realised once i'd started sucking

>>574443361
had a girl jerk me off (she wouldnt do head) and she chaffed my dick so hard it started to bleed so i kicked her out of my house

>>574443361

The first girl I fucked, I met online. She was fat and ugly. Literally looked like a butch dyke. Worse, she had such awful hygiene, her skin was literally sticky and her pussy stank like dead fish.

But I was desperate. Also she said before we even met that she'd do anal, and I had a massive anal fetish.

I fucked her in the ass and never spoke to her again. So I lost my virginity fucking a smelly, unwashed, butch dyke up the ass. I kinda regret it now. I guess it's all part of the experience of life though.

>>574444150

I put it in bare too. That was probably a bit silly. Never caught anything though.

>>574443913
this

had a burn on my dick for two weeks

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>>574443913
Had a similar experience, was so sore from a handjob i swelled till it looked like a small turnip. She tried giving me a bj about 2 days later, was still swelled to the point that she couldn't fit it in her mouth without teeth touching my dick on nearly all sides, no matter how much she opened her mouth

>having sex one time with first ex
>never anything special, but she was my first so I went with it
>suddenly decides to go completely silent
>barely moves
>double check I'm not dreaming and fucking my pillow
>ask what's wrong
>she gets pissed, saying she just doesn't "want" to make noise
>pretend I can't carry on because the sex instantly became boring as fuck

I can't stand being with someone that doesn't enjoy sex. If she enjoyed it, and I could tell, but she was just quiet, I'd get that. But she wasn't. Having sex with someone that makes no noise/sign of pleasure is fucking shit.

>>574443361
Talking seriously now...

My worst bitch was an ex-gf. The bitch really thought that she was a pornstar but she couldn't handle as much as 10 fairly decent thrusts without asking to change positions... it always bugged me off...

4/10 because she swallowed a lot and knew how to talk dirty stuff...

get

op is a faggot

>>574444427
>>574444444

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>>574443913
lol i to had a bad hand job, violently pulled my dick down, i am uncut, its usually never a problem but this girl was trying to circumcise me.

I wish I can contribute to this thread, but I'm a virgin

>>574444494
Why do people do this shit? Like unless you were just really bad or whatever, just why?

Then she needs to communicate exactly what she wants. Same goes for you. People are so dumb when it comes to sex and asking for shit.

>>574444494
Seconded, only time your woman should be quiet while fucking is if you've got a hand over her mouth telling her to shut the fuck up

10/10 premium pussy... dead fuck in bed with hairy nipples...

>>574444698
im circumcised but i can only imagine how much that would hurt

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havent really had any awful ones. probably the worst was an ex from a couple years ago. Who unfortunately was also the best looking :(
She was kinda boring and wouldnt like to try new shit and would not ever try anal, infact she wouldnt even speak of it.

the girl im with now isnt amazing looking, but im much happier with the sex. pic related
>also buttsex.

My last gf sometimes tried to pressure me to "come faster" so I could do her. I get she was horney, but sorry, if I want a cheap rip-off prostitute experience, I fucking pay 20 bucks for 15min for a Romanian hooker in the next brothel.

>>574443361
I hate if a girl is a dead fish, I honestly can't get off

I don't know how people do that shit to drugged out/passed out girls it is so fucking I appealing

Several embarrassing whiskey dick moments

Currently fuck buddies with a 19 year old. I'm almost 25. She doesn't understand that making out and groping doesn't do the trick. Like give my dick some attention, head, hand job something I'm not fucking 13 years old anymore

>>574443913
also had this happen

>>574443361
>Be me, one year ago
>Fucking with a girl from class
>She wouldn't spread her legs enough for me to go any deeper than 1/3
>Most frustrating thing that ever happened to me

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>>574443361

>Be me, about a year ago
>coming off breakup, looking for rebound sex.
>go to bar, get tipsy
>a wild blonde college whore appears
>decent tits, about a 7/10 face, little meat but nothing bad, was like 130ish
>chats me up, can tell after less than 5 minutes she's cockhungry
>figure why not
>letsgetouttahere.webm
>back to her dorm
>bitch is animated as fuck. you know the kind. so i'm thinking this is gonna be a good lay
>youvemadeamistake.jpg
>it was like fucking a warm sack of potatoes, bitch didn't move. bitch barely made any noise. just an 'unhh' about every 15-20 seconds.
>pussy soaked, could feel her cum a few times so i know she was into it.. just zero movement and barely any noise
>disnigganeedsnoisetonut.txt
>pull out, rip off rubber, grab hair, rub dick on lips
>she gets the idea
>it was like sticking my cock in a cheese grater. bitch had teeth like the jaws of life. like mileena from MK2 was giving me a toothy blowjob
>mycockishamburgernow.avi
>fuck it, jerk off on her face.
>finish, get dressed
>'aren't you going to stay?'
>didn't even answer. bitch has my first name to go on and that's it. haven't seen her since.

My wife who has discovered, later in life, that she's bisexual. So bisexual that she does nothing but imagine eating pussy whilst masturbating and, very occasionally, imagining eating pussy whilst I fuck her from behind.

Found a guy online with a 9.5" cock.
Impossible to give him a decent BJ. Almost zero foreplay. He stuck it my vag too fast and hard, kept hitting my cervix. Now I avoid big cocks.
Note to guys with big dicks: it is not a magical orgasm wand. You still have to make that pussy wet.

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>>574443361
One on the right...jesus christ what was I thinking...

A couple girls who wouldn't give head. That's always lame, but if a girl won't go down on me I won't go down on her so there's that. The thing that I can't stand is when a girl is rubbing on my taint and around my asshole and she stops. I fucking love that and I know they can tell that I love that because I flat out tell them that I love that. Current girl is great though, she's a freak and into the same stuff that I'm into. Hell, I'm building a bondage bed for the two of us to use.

>>574445509
Oh for the days when a girl only had to look you in the eyes to get a hardon... hit 30ish and without some tugging nothings gonna happen down there on its own... getting old sucks.

>>574446117
/b/'s right or their right?
Either way topkek

>>574444283
Must have felt great though at least. amirite?

The first time I fucked two out of the four girls I've been with there have been shit stains in panties.

One was a dead fish, first time, never orgasmed, all that bull shit. It was just a service to me, so it wasn't that fun for either of us.

One was a lesbian, rough on my dick, but was decent at sucking it.

It took until my third and fourth fucks to find girls who really enjoyed it - and then sex became magical.

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>>574445509
She's probably just a bit nervous dude.

>mfw i'm 28, just out of a 5-year relationship and doing the same with a 20-year old Irish babe. Life is good right now.

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My last serious ex couldn't tuck her teeth away while suckin. I always referred my blowjobs from her as "The Rake" to my friends. But she ALWAYS swallowed which was pretty nice, every once in a while she'd get it right.

>>574446403
I honestly couldn't stay one that didn't do BJs, I prefer them to sex. I'm lazy and you can drink a beer and watch the game while your getting one.

>>574446523
Cialis dude.

And at least they aint 3 minute wonders anymore - takes a while to get him standing but fuck, ya can pound pussy for ages

>be few months ago
>be swingers with wife
>hook up with a older couple in their 40s
>woman is a solid 7/10
>refuses to give blowjobs due to my girth
>won't give hand jobs as she's "no good"
>refuses any position other than missionary as any other is disgusting
>sex lasts 5 minutes before she says she's tired and it hurts
>find out it was all her husband idea to try and get her more open minded
>they never return to the club

>meet girl at school
>she's a super cute 8/10
>hang out a bunch of times and have fun
>take her back to my place
>we make out for a bit
>go to the bed
>lay her back and get her naked
>go down on her
>she just lays there
>no noise, no movement
>running my hands all over her
>silence
>climb on top of her
>she just stares at me
>slide my dick into her but still no reaction
>fuck it, just start pounding her out
>try to get her to react at all
>just go until I cum
>ask her why she's so quiet
>she just shrugs and acts like its normal
>decide we should just be friends
>fine by me... That sex was the worst

Anyone else fuck a chick who is a dead lay?

>>574443361

>be me
>21
>good looking
>at party
>fat slag trying to flirt all night
>slag gets drunk
>starts sayin shit like, "you ever get your cock sucked by a real woman?"
>"no, i don't do fat chicks."
>look on her face is not shock. she knows she's fat.
>"i give the best head. it'll be the best blowjob you've ever had."
>party winding down
>im drunk
>"c'mon anon, let me blow you."
>her face when she thinks she's gonna fuckin' rock my world as blowjob savior of mankind
>never did anything with fat chick
>fuckit.jpg i've never tried it she may be tellin' the truth
>go to room
>proceeds to give me the worst two minute bumblefuck of a teethjob i've ever received in my life
>asks, "do you love it?"
>what?areyouserious?fucknoface.jpg "no just fuckin' stop"
>"what do you mean stop?!"
>"i mean your fat and your skills are fucking dogshit"
>"what are you some sort of faggot?"
>"nah, i don't like fat chicks. and you suck at suckin' dick."
>runs off to tell her friends how much of a faggot i am.
>mfw i don't give a fuck
>laugh with all my friends about it the next day

fucking normies shitting up 4chan

>>574443738
that's pretty gay

im 29, last girl I fucked was about 34, tall, about 5'11", and pretty fat. Her body was like a bean bag, just a big pile of flesh. Was pretty damn gross overall. Turned me off sex for a long time.

>>574446585
The skinnier one but does it even matter? This was my first attempt at a relationship and I was beta as fuck and all looks don't matter herp/derp.

Her mouth was to small to get my dick in she had visible plaque on her teeth and she had like rolls of blubber on her stomach from medical issues but not an ounce anywhere else.

She literally had nothing going for her.

>>574447178
Her body was like a bean bag, just a big pile of flesh.

>kek

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>>574444150
>>574444283
we all have fucked a landwhale or two

>>574447001
Like I said before I can't do it it's such a turn off

Last time it happend I just stopped and went to sleep. It's a serious bonerkill for me

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>>574445509
>She doesn't understand that making out and groping doesn't do the trick. Like give my dick some attention, head, hand job something I'm not fucking 13 years old anymore

29 year old banging a 21 year old here. FUCKING THIS. She got all upset when I told her to at least fucking jerk me off. Bitch, ME KISSING YOUR NECK doesn't do a fucking thing for me.

>>574446717
I just like the option man, the one I was seeing physically sleeping in a bed with I'd let her pass out drunk and rub my dick and precum all over her lips.

>>574445936

That's when you lift her feet over your shoulders and hold them there

>>574446523
I'm currently 29 and am starting to feel this pain already. If the sex isn't exciting enough I just lose my hardon altogether. It's fucking rough.

>>574446595

It was fucking amazing.

As I said, I was desperate, and I had (still have) a massive anal fetish.

Looking back now, I kinda wonder why the hell I did it. But admittedly at the time I felt awesome.

no real bad experiences, a bad bj here and there. had an ex that would get dry after 5 mins of sex. current girl has a magic pussy i swear, or it's just the way she moves her hips. she can make me cum in like 30 seconds and that almost never happens to me. ntm the fire head she gives, the only draw back is her pussy can smell sometimes but i'll put up with it if it's this good.

>try to fuck lesbian
>some how still manage to get bj atleast
>20 seconds in
>she gags on my dick
>and starts spitting on carpet

she claimed thar she doesnt like dick

lolpasdy

>>574445431

She suck off a guy made of caramel? Cause damn those some yellow teeth

>>574447401
Man, I don't know if it's something wrong with me or something wrong with all of you but I pop half chub from a hug half the time. Girl I'm seeing pulls me in and I'm there ready to go.

>>574447479
I am 21 and am already like that man.
Has to be a really smoke show girl and really into it or it is just boring as fuck and I have to force myself to cum after for god damn ever.

>>574443361
Worst partners....

>place stupid singles add on CL
>lady replies says to meet her for a drink at 11pm
>no photos exchnaged
>get to pub, look around, no one under 35 to be seen (i'm 28 at the time)
>lady flags me down asks if I am the guy...
>her: 38, short, big saggy in the middle, decent cleavage - looks like a housewife of the lower middle class.
>probably could have been cute in her 20s, but age had taken its toll
>fast forward thorugh drinks and lame conversation
>decided eh, what the fuck, while i'm here I may as well fuck her, and i've dpne uglier...
>get her home, get her upstairs
>was like kisisng my mother or similar other old person, just gross
>get her naked, tits ok, stomach covered in stretch marks and distend
>she said "not bad for 6 kids though hey?"
>Fucking all my what?! haha
>start doing the math on that and realized shes actually old enuf to have had 6 kids and feel repulsed by myself
>her breath smelled like cider and old cigartetes
>lost any chance of a hard on, but she was enjoying herself
>though fuck i'll do it for her
>get her pants off
>smell of 2 week old rotten fish filled the room
>penis not working at all now
>gonna puke in her mouth if i dont stop kisisng her... what do
>went down on her... which was in fact the worst experiance and decision of my sexual career
>the smell was horiffic and it tasted even worse
>clearly the old gal hasnt been tongue lashed in a while
>was moaning like a whore
>really wanted to stop
>penis abbised to half mast
>stuff it into her so I could breath again
>couldnt even feel the sides she was so loose
>like a cavern
>no way i was going to cum
>lost hard on
>faked orgasm
>rolled off the bed and cleaned myself thuroughly in teh bathroom
>got back and she was asking for another round...
>fuck......

>>574447401
Lol the first time we we fucked she was like "did you drink too much".

No give me head "no I don't do that". Well at least use a hand or something

Anyway I finally got her to give me head before sex which is a great fucking at to get me hard

I don't know why she thinks making out gives me a eager

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>My dick is 7 inches in girth, I've not been able to have sex with 6 girls after getting them in the bedroom simply because they're too tight and would hurt too much


I think that makes ME the bad encounter

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>>574447001
I thankfully have never had a dead lay. I unfortunately have never had crazy porno sex either.

My buddy however was dating this absolutely drop dead gorgeous 10/10 girl, but was an absolute dead fish in bed, but he still stayed with her for 4 years.

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>>574443361
Another bitch I was banging started screaming like a psycho... She started to "overact" with lots of "FUCK YEAH! RIGHT THERE!! OMG!!!"... Hurried up to cum in order to not lose the boner...

>>574447479
Same shit here... Feeling old like the guy in the pic

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I went out with a proper Cambridgeshire Home Counties upper-middle-middle-class-wanting-to-be-posh English girl once.
That sums it up, really.

>>574448042
Overacting is as bad as under-acting, just makes you feel like a fucking moron

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>>574447553
actually, no i take that back. this was so horrible that i just try not to think about it. at the time i was with my first gf, in highschool still, convinces me to give up my vcard, pussy was tight, she had nice tits gave great head, but mid way through she just stops and starts crying. like full on sobbing. bitch, you were the one that wanted to have sex in the first place and now you're ruining my first time. don't care, still got head though, through the tears and all.

>>574446073
I have a small dick, we should hook up.

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>>574447867
> "not bad for 6 kids though hey?"
You poor bastard, Anon.

>>574447625

> dumbass Amerifag detected

Her teeth are a perfectly normal colour.

>>574448175
Right, or "you have such a big dick". No I don't, you know I don't, we all no I don't quit saying that

>>574443361
Hamburblar

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>>574447867
>that story

Cunnilingus from hell is the worst sexual act. You poor son of a bitch, fuck.

>>574446936
Got a cupboard full lol>>

574447479
Yeah, welcome to the club mate - the things our dads never taught us eh? haha

I'm 36, my last girlfriend was 19 (i'm loaded), and smoking hot, and she just didn't get why i wasn't hard when i kissed her. Embarrassing, but no problems once hard, and no complaints from her. Teaching women to work your junk as part of the foreplay is a necissity once you get older. Beets having em watch you jerk yourself off :)

>>574448292
Yup, "youre so big" is code for "I cant use a ruler" or "i think youre too stupid to know that 6 inches is pretty average"

Just sounds like shes reading off some script. And that means she isnt getting into it. Just ruins the mood completely

>>574447834
Here's my problem. Gf is just shy of 20 (you can call bullshit if you want but I'm not posting pics. )
I can go a pretty long time but sometimes my dick just fails me. She on the other hand can get pretty fucking crazy. Loves sex. Almost always down.
I know I'm not that old but to her I feel I am.
I'm just afraid she's gonna get sick of an old ass nigga and go with some fuckin bro. I need to figure out how to fix this problem.

>>574448207
Similar situation

Fucked a girl who was quitting the moromin church. Sex was fine

Then sometime in the night after fling the asleep I wake up to her crying

Wtf. She felt guilty about it because Mormonism had her all freaked out

We stopped seeing eachother after that

I used to occasionally fuck a woman who'd had two kids and obviously hadn't heard of pelvic floor exercises. My cock's slightly larger than average but while there was a bit of resistance at the opening, the inside of her pussy was like a fucking concert hall. I felt like a clapper in a bell. It was like opening a window and fucking the night. Awful.

>>574448292
Lying bitches are the lamest... I know sometimes that they think that is cool and shit... But trust me, it is not!!!

I fucked this chick with an awful sense of humor. The worst part is that she absolutely loved herself. I mean, way, way too much.

I was fucking her and she said "wow you're giving me a hard time" and then laughed so hard she started gagging on her own spit.

>>574448210
felt nausious just typing it out lol

>>574447731
I'm an oldfag and man I got to have some action down there to get hard now. If I'm going down or giving a massage, limp limp limp. It's not that I'm not aroused, it eventually happens, it's just not automatic anymore. It's not like when I was 18 and would get a hard on from just thinking about a hug.

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>>574447867
Oh shit

Fucked a 10/10 blonde. Condom broke, 2 days later I get little bumps on my dick skin. Go see doctor, its herpes. Fml

>>574443361
15yo
First Time
Empty house with bae
Put dick in
She says it hurts
Take dick out
End

>>574448564
>THIS
>Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway

I had the unbelievable luck to have FOUR ex girl-firends who performed like a brick in bed right from the start. Three other were ok and one was pretty much fun.

>>574448209
Anything under 5" is a no go. What say you?

The smallest guy I've been with (I'm not all that experienced) was probably about 4 inches hard. I couldn't find it in his pants.. but I was a trooper. I gave him great head and didn't make him feel bad for his little dick.

>>574448554
mine was just psychotic. she had crazy bipolar disorder, after highschool we were on and off and the sex never improved. it was always so vanilla, and she only did it to keep me around.

And how about bitches who just want to do it in one position (and usually in a pretty much unconfortable one). If you try to switch, bitch goes 20 seconds on it just to please you then make you revert to the old one...

>>574448701
Takes a while to get the motor revving man, but when it does at least you know you'll be pounding away - nice change from bein a teen for me, no "oh fuck, I just nutted" drama

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>>574448701
Pic related

And the sick irony is I get laid more now than at 18. Why is life so cruel

>>574446023

>it was like fucking a warm sack of potatoes
>like mileena from MK2 was giving me a toothy blowjob

i know that's supposed to sound bad...

Had a 20 year old girlfriend who wasn't even religious but "had trouble with fluids" and therefore didn't give head, and also didn't even put out after 4 months because... she was a virgin. One time she was grinding on my dick with her bare vag on my underwear and I whipped it out and she sprung off of me and huddled in the corner, weeping like she was about to be raped or something. "Did you really think it was going to happen like that?" she asked. Later told friends that she "nearly got raped last night."

Fortunately I am now with a more psychologically balanced woman who doesn't think she's animu and also has sex with me on a regular basis.

>>574447964
jeez dude that sucks.

I've got a pretty average dick. 7in length 5 in girth.

Suits me well.

>>574447867
Jesus... why didn't you abort after the fish smell? There's no shame in that.

>>574448924
Yeah man, I actually like not thinking about sex 24/7 anymore, I get a lot more done now. Just part of getting old.

I've had one really bad experience.
>be 18
>just after starting university
>meet cute girl in class
>hit it off a bit and hang out a couple of times
>tell her im starting to like her a bit
>she reciprocated
>couple of days later i get a text
>"anon, come over"
>get to her place
>immediately grabs me and takes me to her bedroom
>the usual pleasantries ensue
>as soon as i stick my cock in she starts wailing
>like, properly in excruciating pain wailing
>pull out and blood on dick
>realise what the fuck ive done and stay for hours trying to console her

Don't know why I did it, she fucking lied and never said anything about being a virgin. I haven't got a monstrous dick but I'm just over 7.5 inches. I never saw her again after that...

>>574448902
hey man, sex is sex...to varying degrees, but i digress if i'm getting laid i'll take any positions she's down for. except for pegging/prostate/ass play, i ain't bout that life.

>>574448767
>bae

kill yourself, nigger-spawn

>>574446981
What's it like being a swinger? How old are you guys, how long you guys been married?

>>574449078
Yeah now its only 23/7, with that extra hour devoted to pissing

After my girlfriend of 2 and a half year dumped me I went into a pretty depressed state. Drinking every night, fucking random whores, ect.

Well this one girl that I fucked was easily over 400 pounds.
I knew she was chunky from her profile picture but Jesus Christ her pictures were deceiving. She met up with me at my place which ended up being a mistake. She pretty much laid there like a dead person and wasn't tight by any means.

After I finished on her I got a text from another girl I was hooking up with and the girl I fucked grabbed my phone read the message stormed out bawling her eyes out. It was an awesome fuck but a fucking amazing story to tell.

My girlfriend has a huge vagina
My dick is pretty big, 7 inches and other girls said it hurts.
but its loose in her, loose as fuck, its depressing. pretty sure she got raped/is a whore and fucked by a 12 inch nigger cock or something

>>574447009

Summary :
>So this one time I got off with a fat girl and my mates laughed at me so I pretended she was terrible and I hated it. HahahaahAHAHA

>>574449083
What the fuck, this bitch forgot she was a virgin ?

>>574449024
Ugh, I dated a girl like that, absolutely TERRIFIED of sex. Sucked donkey balls. And the thing is everything else about her was absolutely perfect. We had sooo much in common and similar life paths, was a 8/10 and nerdy like me. I miss her, but not that much.

it were dark, and in the morning i see's her green an gray teeth, traumatic event.

>>574447001


>we make out for a bit
>go to the bed
>lay her back and get her naked
>go down on her
>she just lays there
>no noise, no movement
>running my hands all over her
>silence
>climb on top of her
>she just stares at me
>slide my dick into her but still no reaction
>fuck it, just start pounding her out
>try to get her to react at all
>just go until I cum
>ask her why she's so quiet
>she's dead

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here's a horror story for ya, happy early halloween (this is true), haven't enjoyed head since then

>be 19 y/o virgin
>freshman in college
>hooking up with girl
>she starts to go down on me
>starts gagging on my cock
>ow why does that hurt
>oh well that must be what head feels like, i have a 7.5 in after all
>she goes for another 15 min
>have to stop her every couple minutes because my dick is hurting
>we're both really fucked up but she was rolling too
>start feeling teeth
>roommate walks in
>he leaves, but i told her i came (i couldn't take it anymore) and that it's time for bed
>wake up next day with purple mark size of a dime on my head, looked like a bruise
>fap a few days later
>ejaculate pure blood
>it hurts A LOT
>think i have some STD
>go see doctor
>get tested for every STD/testi cancer
>few days later come back
>tested negative for everything
>moderate internal trauma caused a cut inside my shaft
>doctor told me to be more careful when I ride horses bareback
>mfw i've never rode a horse in my entire

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>>574444698
>This girl was trying to circumcise me
7/10

>>574449179
Kek's my bladder shrank 10 sizes once I hit 25

>>574449309
>being this virgin

Sex has little to no effect on the tightness of a woman's vagina.

>>574449314
I think she flat out thought she could get away with it. I guess she was embarrassed.

>>574449179
kek

I know, I can read my emails now.

>>574449242

Awful fuck*

>>574447001
thats my gf
and im the same guy who said she has a huge vag ^^^

my sex life fucking sucks, shes hot as fuck, but the sex fucking SUUUUCKS

>>574449309
doesn't that suck? dated a broad with a ton of tattoo's, short, into punk rock/satan/art. vagina was like fucking a wet paper bag. i swear to this day she masturbated with a dragon dildo, or was just getting fucked by every nigger she saw.

The first time I got a handjob from my girlfriend, she did it so hard that she "cutted" me. I ended up with some cuts on my dick and it got all swollen up. Took about three days to completely heal and then.

She won't suck it, but now I tell her to lube it up with her juices or by spitting on it.

I'm uncut, by the way.

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Where do I begin?

1) I once fucked a girl in the ass on a pool table. When I pulled out, shit came out and landed on the blue felt. Stain never got out.

2) My main gf right after high school's pussy used to stink all the time. Probably from yeast infections from us having so much anal and putting it in her pussy after her asshole. The smell almost made me want to puke sometimes while I fucking. But I wanted to bust my nut so I trucked through.

3) My gf in college was a virgin. She used to let me do everything to her. I was the first to explore each of her holes. Only shitty part was she was dull fuck. Being new to sex and all... she would just lay there mostly. But dat pussy was fresh though. Untouched before me.

4) I used to fuck this milf back in the day. She had one of those back garages turned into a livable room. Her kid's bed on one side and her bed on the other of this massive room. I fucked her once while her kid slept. That was awkward. Putting it in her, covering her mouth to shut the fuck up.

>>574448839
I find girls are often off with inches and if you could not find it I am guessing he was smaller then that. How long was he in relation to an everyday object(e.gRegular BIC lighter)

An ex swears I am 8.5 inches which is off by 2.

>>574449561
A buddy of mine got his banjo strap snapped the first time he got a blowjob. His girl must've tugged on it with the force of a thousand suns

>>574448292
>>574448471
basically if her reaction is anything but a jaw-dropping wide-eyed look of fear, you don't have a big dick.

>>574443361
>"dead" bitches...
Lol, I had one of them. 'Murrican chick, solid 9/10 looker. Halfway through fucking I just got bored and went and smoked a bowl instead.

>>574449309

Are you dating my ex?

>>574447479
>>>574446523
It gets worse, anon. Just wait until you're 40-something and doped to the gills on anti-depressants.

>>574446073
how do you avoid big cocks?
do you inspect each guy you meat?
>no pun intended

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>>574443361

>when drunk my dick stops working
>when girl is slutty my dick stops working (it worrys about stds more than I do)
>paranoid personality hard for me to relax

I've had many encounters where my dick just didn't want to cooperate. I'm always worried about something when I hook up with semi-random chicks. Worried about STDs, worried about rape claims, etc

So I've pushed rope more than once. Fucking sucks.

Especially because I know from experience when I hook up with a really classy girl that my dick becomes diamond hard and stays that way.

Just wish it would do that with any old slut.

>>574449445
im not a virgin, and quit trying to make me feel better. im pretty sure the reason her vag is so huge is because she's wsas or IS currently a whore

Holy fuck.

This thread has got to be meant for me.

Im 29, nearly 30, fucked about 40 chicks - some one night stands, some dating, others relationships. I have awful sex stories from a LOT.

>Meet girl on okcupid
>ditches me twice, finally make plans months later
>meet up, shes chub, but okay face, and loves sex
>back to my place, shes drunk, Im drunk
>whip off the clothing, tear her clothes off
>sad tits
>sad, saggy, small, nickles in a sock tits
>have to hold tit up to lick nipples
>too drunk to care - still wore a condom
>half hard the entire time - saw a quote "Trying to shove an earthworm through a caprisun"
>dont remember rest
worst part?
>still fucked her a few more times before she moved out of state

Ugh lol! Shes a cool chick but that body killed it. Anyone want more?

This one time I was with this girl she was going down on me (badly). Now while petting her head (I don't normally do this but it was soooo bad) I kinda nudge her, just a little, in the right direction. Next thing I know she makes the nastiest low guttural gagging whooping cough I have ever heard. Imagine a dog trying to bark with a throat full of hot dog and pudding and you have a general idea. She pulls off fucking crying Spit lines like cheesy pizza off of my member. I seriously thought she was going to puke right there. Porn makes gagging sound sexy. . . . Spoiler alert. . . . It's not, it's gross, and I felt absolutely terrible

>>574449715
Pal, the worst thing of it was the discovery of it, because I didn't feel anything until I got home, went to pee and discovered my swollen penis!

>>574448515
I also have a 20 mind I'm 31 and goddamn she ALWAYS wants sex. sometimes it actually bothers me...so I get rough with her...Bing instant boner. and when I'm in the mood I'm gentle. she loves it

>>574446073
hate to be the first to point it out, but you know the rules.

>>574449061
she was at my place... theres no easy exit... god knows I wish I had aborted!

>>574449730
Shit man I know I dont. Anyone I've fucked knows I dont. Hell, anyone with half a brain knows that. Just pisses me off when girls think that saying its a monster is part of dirty talk - its fucking not, so i know shes not paying attention. Like telling her about her massive lovely tits when shes got A-cups...meh, just sounds too fake.

>>574449905
Least the balls at your knees give ya something to play with fellow oldfag

>>574449445
this anon is right
>>574450001
this anon is 12

>>574450064
Lmao was I there?

>>574449826
where you live
and youre lucky shes your ex, my sex life fucking sucks, and shes either just a broken vag for life, or is fucking other people and stayin g stretched

>>574444698
>Jew girls

not even once

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>>574450001
I'm pretty sure that's not the reason, because I just fucking told you that that doesn't really matter.

Jesus fuck, who's letting these kids on their computers?

>>574450263
Idk is your name Robin? Lol

This is more of an embarrassing story about me.
>be a 24 year old beta chubby fag with a good sense of humor
>have party at my house after work
>jailbat girl that just turned 18 come over and no embelishment a 9/10, near perfect, and not stupid either.
>everybody goes upstairs except her and I
>Start giving massage. shirt eventually comes off, bra comes off
>"anon, you know I have a bf"
>baby, it's just a massage
>get boob, get ass, front hips
>kissing back, she's not screaming rape... Its going to happen!!
>so drunk
>Soooo drunk
>Pass out and fall over straight onto my face
>wake up with no sex
>sad, but still cracks me up

>>574443361
fucked a guy who just kept making this humming noise the whole time. It wasn't even to a tune, just a consistent hrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

>>574449960
I find sex online, and 99% of guys love showing their dicks first thing.
>>574449701
Maybe 4" was a bit generous. I just felt for the guy.

>>574450239
its actually fucking depressing, i mea if she says "OMG YOUR HUGE" whe im obviously not, all i think is that she's just imagining some huge cocks in her head

I always try to forget this but when I was 17 I took some big girls virginity (also 17). I wasn't a virgin prior to this, I took a few virgins before this along with random sex. Now, this girl was taller than me and also much fatter. I was a twig back then, and normally only fucked other twigs. The first time I fingered Biggy, I got the most disgusting slimy, awful smelling, pussy juice I ever experienced. Like holy fuck guys, I wanted to gag. She was also loose as fuck, and she was a virgin. I saw the hymen, I just to this day try to forget about it so she starts sucking my cock, and politely (really, really fucking creepy),asks me to take her virginity.

So I'm ready for pound town, reedy to gag but hype because sex. Break her open, and she starts screaming saying it hurts. I'm now baffled. I have no condom on, and I barely felt anything while she's screaming away but also telling me to keep going. I pounded her for well over an hour, still trying not to gag. Biggy is in heaven, and I'm below hell, it was awful. I felt nothing. Eventually I just pulled out, dressed and left.

I since have never get out the "thwap" sound out of my head. Anything that sounds like a fat "thwap",instantly makes me gag. This shit destroyed my sex life for a few months, because it was just so fucking disgusting I couldn't not associate this one experience with all sex.

Fuck you Biggy

overall satisfied with the quality of sex with my gf, but there was this one incident where I ruined things

>kissing/foreplay on cheap crappy dorm bed
>accidentally knock her head on bedpost
>mouths clash together
>her incisor makes a tiny hole through my upper lip
OW
took a few days to heal. needless to say neither of us got any that night.

>>574450393
are you a fucking doctor bitch? theres a reason people call sluts loose, its because SLUTS HAVE HUGE VAGINAS YOU FUCKING RETARD

>>574448701
I'm pushing 30 and still pop boners and shit. I never had the problem cumming too soon either, actually, it's the opposite for me. I just don't come from sex or anything but my hand. Shit sucks but I've learned to keep sex interesting. It's probably why I like kinky shit so much.

>>574450325

She's in Massachusetts. I moved across the country to get away from that crazy bitch.

>>574450583
Hey she can imagine whatever the fuck she likes, long as shes got short 'n fat stuffed up there I'm okay with it - just keep the damn theatrics under control

>>574448701
I'm 19 and I'm the same way. I get laid pretty frequently but porn/masturbation and being pretty comfortable around women makes sex difficult

>>574449980
>pushed rope

My sides

>>574448564
Well done, anon. Best writing on /b/ in ages.

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>>574450541
>be a 24 year old beta chubby fag with a good sense of humor
>sad, but still cracks me up

>>574449138
It's pretty fun and make you closer, we have been married 7 years we go to a club type deal once a month which is a huge lake house paid for by a yearly fee.

Most swingers are pretty selective our club requires monthly STD tests and only one single male per party and he has to be invited. Biggest issue is plenty of couples want to do a m/f/f shit and not actually swing and it gets annoying

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>>574448564

>>It was like opening a window and fucking the night.

>>574450743
I'm 43 and was constant boner till about 38. And takes a lot to get me off, gfs always thought something was wrong with them. uncut

my girlfriend gives bad handjobs and blowjobs. I mean she can get me hard but can never make me finish unless I'm fucking her. I love her to death though and she still makes me cum so it's fine. It's just such a shame because she loves to swallow so I'd love for her to be able to make me cum with a blowjob but idk, fucking teeth ruin everything.

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>>574448564
Thank you.

>>574443841
YES fuck I did this once cause I used to see it in porn and I thought it would look hot. My face cramped up so bad dude it was so bitter that shit was disgusting

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>>574450718
People also call Jesus the Savior of Man, do you believe that bullshit, too?

Holy shit, dude, you seriously are like 12. Have you ever known a woman in your entire life? God damn.

>>574451089
bite the shit out of her clit the next time you go down on her, i doubt she'll ever let another tooth touch your penis. or you know, you could just talk to her about it and practice her going slower with a more open jaw position.

>>574446073

Suggestions for those with large wands?

>>574450718
underage b& incoming.

>>574450745
i guess theres huge vag whores everywhere, im in cali. Thats why i hate how the media always has big cock jokes humiliating men, but never tight vag jokes. I mean 50% of bitches have a giant vagina and should kill themselves
>>574450753
the fact that make girlfried has fatasies/ might be thinking of other dudes or porn makes me want to slit her throat, real talk

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@574443361
oLD fag here. trust me I always when the game like last night. I fucked your mom in the ass. then i fucked your dadd in the butt. then made love to your dog.

your dog has my baby in it's gut. it will be as smart and as large as a human bug have dog strength, teeth, nails, and a tail.

Gurney the dog man as i cal him will be an pro tennis player. with his dog reactions, dog strength and speed as well as his human superior intelligence (which is mine) he will be mentally and physically superior foe.

Eventually other dogmen and catmen will enter the realm as more and more people see the light on interspecicies procreation. Soon half lion half women chicks will be walking around with huge breast and tits like in the furry threads.

that's the future bros. genectically modified super beings blending animal traits with human inteliigence.

#rekt

>>>574447401
18 here. Had sex with my GF a bunch of time. Never came, dunno why. AMA

>>574451438
congratulations, you just gave me autism.
9/10.

>>574451436
Shit man i imagine other girls all the time, its normal - she thinking of a big one...meh, she sure aint getting it from me. Gotta accept what ya got man

>>574444150
We all have to slay a few dragons before we get to the princess

>>574450574
wanna date

>>574448647

that's actually a humorous bonerkiller

>>574451334
Yes. You still need to make her wet. This makes the vagina engorge and expand. Same as guys gotta get hard, chick gotta be sloppy wet.
Make her want you. If he had taken 10-15 minutes to makeout/foreplay, I'm sure it would've been much better. He was selfish so whatever.

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>>574443361

>in college
>first girlfriend
>she's cubby, nerdy, 6/10
>we make out
>take it to the next level
>fingering her hard
>knock on door
>oh shit
>blankets, clothes on, etc
>COME IN
>room mate comes in
>looks me straight in the eye
>I see his eyes water up a little bit
>his face twists up like an old tree from a horror movie
>he quickly gets whatever he came for and leaves
>talk to him about it later
>he says the smell was horrid, like being in a fish market in the desert
>guess I couldn't smell it because I was in the zone
>later broke up with her because she had a little bit of the mustache

http://exbunny.com/porn/watch/91173-lovely-amateur-teen-homemade-pussy-masturbation.htm

>>574451615
shit i wish, im just psychotic and it fills me with unrelenting frustration
pretty sure im gonna kill someone someday

> be me
> drunken and stoned
> leave party with girl
> tell her I just leave in case she wants to fuck
> we arrive at home
> starts telling me she just wants to talk
> ask her to leave
> go back to party
> find hot redhead
> karma FUCK YEAH
> take her home
> smoke more weed
> make out and fuck her for an hour
> smoke more weed and fuck her again
> wake up next day and see hot redhead
> get deepthroat of century
> find myself with that hotty for the next three years

Capter: kaancer was

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>>574450639
>The first time I fingered Biggy
>fingered Biggy
>Biggy

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>>574451438

>>574451473
I feel you bro, if I ever came with my Ex it was after an hour and a half! I always went down, but she never went down...
TlDr, I was great, she wasn't.
CAPTCHA: 430 (snort it faget)

>>574451883
Jerk off more dude, whenever im in a pissed off mood blowin the nut sorts it right out.

Ya cant change what ya got - so get better skills or settle for being the lil dude who don't know what hes doing. Either way man, youre chuckin the yogurt

>>574451883
although that probably stems from the fact that my gf of 3 years shows no sign of enjoyment whatsoever when we have sex

>>574451801
i still wonder why it's not just known that you have to play with her and get her turned on as fuck or it's just gonna suck for both of you until she gets as turned on as if you had just touched it for a minute.

>>574451089

My gf has an incredibly bad gag reflex, plus a phobia of gagging and vomiting, so she can only get the tip of my dick in her mouth. (Oddly though she's fine with me cumming in her mouth and swallowing.)

The rest of our sex life is great so I don't really care. I've never been all that bothered about blowjobs anyway.

>be in college
>talking to girl 7/10 nice body
>decide to go to her dorm
>start talking about fucking
>we make out
>she tells me her ex had a huge cock
>knew the guy because i was a jock around campus
>couldnt get hard at all to fuck her because my mind was on his huge cock the whole time
>mfw

another one

>be with a 10/10 at her place in college
>make out and stick my fingers in her
>small girl tight body but damn
>fit 4 fingers in her
>made her cum once
>end up dry humping her because i was afraid my dick would be a small hotdog in her massive buns
>still regret not fucking her like a little whore
>went psycho and never talked to her again after that

>>574445509
>Currently fuck buddies with a 19 year old. I'm almost 25.

theres your problem right there, buddy. You need a real woman, not a twat.

>>574451735
you buying?

>>574450574
LOL

>>574448647
hahahahah that jokes was hilarious though i fucking laughed

>>574447335
Fuckin one rite now...

>>574452046
Thing is, the sex IS great. I just think my dick has too much stamina. She does go down on me, too.

I'm always exhausted after half an hour, and we were both virgins before meeting.

>>574452210
punctuation amirite?

>>574451806
>later broke up with her because she had a little bit of the mustache

Kek

Could have busted the gillette out, problem solved.

>>574443913
had this happen from too much sex. shit sucked.

>>574452051
its just fucking sad
she hasnt come once in her life she says except when she got raped

it was probably by a huge cock, and thats why she came. plus whores loves getting raped.

(this is my life)

>>574451801
What sites do you use for searching guys online?

>>574450691
similar story; i was about 15 and with my girlfriend, we were fucking on her queen bed while her parents were out, and her cat got really angry at me, thinking i was hurting her, and jumped on my face to scratch the fuck out of me

>>574447867
Another story... not sure if it was better or worse than the first on the scale of things...

>place a stupid ad on CL, this time in the casuals section
>immediately get a reply from "Jen"
>Jen discribed herself as a "freeky deeky dutch rocker chick, super skinny, bored and looking for something to do today"
>soundsgood.jpg
>please send photo....
>Get back a boudoir photo, black hair over the eyes so I cant see "her" face
>straddling a guitar while lying down
>very small tits exposed (like mosquito bites) and peirced
>bony body, super skinny but no curves
>genital area covered by guitar
>think fuck no....
>hour later...
>hmm what the hell, i've been with worse
>agre to see her and give her my address
>hour later I look out the window and see then 6'0 tall rake that looked like maralyn manson striding down my enteryway
>Leather trousers with zips and pins and shit
>HUGE boots
>biker jacket
>stringy black hair
>either a lead singer of a metal band a tranny or one ugly olive oil looking dirty skank
>buzzer goes
>debate ignoring it
>goes off again
>fuckit, i dont have to fuck her just say hi and whatever
>let "her" in
>its a trap?... its not a trap... shit i dunno
>looking for adams apple
>it speaks with a freaky dutch accent that is fairly deep
>i'm literally scared at this point
>talk a while, i'm good at small talk... its a gift
>really not into finding out of it has a dick - though looking at the leather trousers i didnt see evidence of one...
>she says... "so are we going to do this, I'm soaking wet right now"
>thank christ
>stupidity now kicks in again "might as well"
>go upstairs ashamed of myself - no kisisng
>takes her/it a good 10 minutes to un safty pin everything and unlace the huge boots
>pulls off shirt
>smels of manly B.O and cigarette smoke
>not sold on te tits being female
>pulls off trouser and pants....
>thank god.... no cock... though totally manly hips
>pubes
>missionarry, strap on a rubber, stroke what I hope was a clit..
Cont.

>>574448564
>>opening a window and fucking the night

i kek'd slightly

>>574450913
It's one of the reasons my ex-wife is now my ex-wife. She would get frustrated that I didn't cum and everything. The only times I was able to regularly cum from sex or anything was when she was pregnant. She had spent a couple hours working on me one afternoon and I finally came inside her sans condom. She got pregnant, then whenever we had sex, before she got too big and bitchy, I'd bust inside her. Only times in my life that I've come from anything other than masturbation. Now, I've learned to just tell girls that I'm probably not going to cum but that if they can get me off I'll marry them on the spot. My current girl gets damn close and I'm sure that she'll be the one.

>>574452475
>I just think my dick has too much stamina.
you fap too much probably

>>574452475
i have a lot of stamina too /b/roseph. My last fuckbuddy thought I had another girl on the side because of this. mfw i never denied that.

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I recieved the worst handjob of my life by a Russian hooker in Amsterdam

That bitch had a deathgrip on my cock for half an hour

>>574443361
current gf, bj, hand jobs she stops when i start to cum. ruins it everytime, told her about it but its like shes so shocked by the cum she panics. She also has a hairy butthole that im not fond of. other than that we click in every way. these things though....she doesnt seem to take the hint

>>574443706
>>574443556
Haha you both made a mother joke XD

>>574452527
i'm drunk, give me a break.
tits or gtfo amirite?

>>574452682
>Try and stick my dick in
>there is a hole, though not a very wet one
>bank for 10 minutes
>it tries to kiss me, i avoid
>pretend to cum and pull out
>she gets dressed right away
>asks if i want to grab a beer
>say I cant
>it says thanks and leaves

still not sure if i fucked a post of tranny... true story.

I'm so ashamed of myself.

>>574452702
Yeah, I'm going, and in my head and pelvic area I'm really trying to tense up. "GARRR GARRR" like I'm the Incredible Hulk. "I can do this! " Then the mind just wanders a little and I'm back at 0.

>>574452954
cool story /b/ro

>>574447834
>>574448515

news flash bros: YOURE GAY

>>574452237
Haha I agree that's why she is only a fuck budy.

The other week she was at my place getting in bed for sexy times
> are those books on your nightstand?
>yes
> you read books in bed
> yes
> that's weird
> that's not fuckin weird see all those books I read all those books

I'm thinking it's time to move on

>>574452590
FetLife, but that became too much work.
Now I just post an ad to CL. It gets removed very quickly, though. I browse the M4W as well.
Thinking about trying Tinder, but evidently you need to use your real name/facebook? Fuck that.
I just love fucking and hate socializing.

>>574451438
the fuck you say

>>574443361
forever I hated blow jobs because my first girlfriend would never open her mouth wide enough so the rim would catch on her teeth and it was just painful. Eventually had real blowjobs and realized she just sucked at it. Pun intended.

Captcha: gaswit calculated

>>574452707
I do fap a lot. Does fapping really influence your performance in bed though? I stopped fapping for a couple days once, and I had the same problem.

>>574445509
so much this. my wife is all into making out. bores the fuck out of me. i lose my boner after 5 minutes or so.

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>hanging out with best friend
>he tells me he knows a sloot we can go get at
>grab some whiskey and beers
>go to girls house
>she's alone
>well all get drunk
>she's getting nude on chatroulette while we watch and clown around
>eventually she passes out
>boot her up and fuck her in the ass
>back and forth between ass and pussy
>nut on her forehead
>he takes a turn
>does it missionary style
>then he goes for the butthole too
>she's farting like riced out honda civic
>shit all over condom
>throw clothes on her and slump her over the bed
>go to waffle house and eat some hash browns
>sun comes up
>go home
>take a shower
>smoke a J and go to sleep

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>>574450176
seems more like you're the one who doesnt know the rules.

>>574453107
Yup, pretty much. Girl I'm with now though is electric. Like where ever she touches on my body is where my mind immediately moves to. Shit's awesome. Then there was the model girl I fucked once, she knew how to work a dick. If I had known I was only going to fuck her once I would have, and could have, came inside her.

My baby sister and wasn't as much fun as i had hoped, she couldn't take my whole 7 inches in her pussy and she also gagged when trying to deepthroat. She did get better by the time she turned 6 though.

>>574446070
>>574446070
she's going to go full les on you soon m8.

>>574452265
you bet

>>574453390
Fapping to porn is completely different to sex. So sometimes it distorts your turnons because your conditioning yourself to basically have a fetish for porn. Fetish is something you need to be able to perform sex.

>>574453390
>I do fap a lot. Does fapping really influence your performance in bed though?
yes, especially if you're a chronic fapper who jerks to porn for hours, especially if you edge a whole fucking lot.

and let's face it, you're here so you're probably a chronic fapper.

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I was with a girl who gave the best head ever!!! But no matter what she did her vagina smelled like something died. You could shove four fingers in her and she would hardly notice. She looked good but smelled terrible! Bad breath, armpits, vagina Omfg!!! She also had ugly feet and stubby fingers.

>>574443738
I remember being 8

First time I had sex we were both pretty drunk, she wanted to "sleep in my bed" and we eventually ended up having half-mast, sloppy sex. I also ended it abruptly by saying "Alright I think I'm good" and I just turned over and went to bed lol. She seemed to enjoy it but I knew I wasn't hard completely. I am big however so maybe she really did like it, she was biting my neck and moaning.

>>574453802
Holy shit, I've been on this site for way too damn long and you're the first person I've seen use fetish correctly.

Mah nigga!

>>574453572
are you fucking autistic? that's exactly why i said post tits or get the fuck out.

>>574453723
FYI i don't go down for anything less than red lobster.

>>574449445

Unless she's with a guy with a cock the size of your arm for like three years and he tells you yeh i can finally get it all in but it's not as tight as it used to be and you're like what did you expect and then you forget all that cuz you dont talk to the guy any more and like almost ten years later you start dating that girl and the first time you fuck her you cant help but remember

>>574453892
>jerks to porn for hours
It takes 10 minutes max.
>you're probably a chronic fapper.
Yea, probably.

>>574453802
Welp. Any tip on losing that fetish, then?

>>574453914
The GF I dated the longest, whom was the one terrified of sex unfortunately had the most perfect vag. Crotch smelled like flowers and must have been cleaned by professionals. Was perfect and tight. Just was hard work to get to that point with her.

>>574447335
I'm married to one

Long story short, chick I was into and had been hanging out with for a while, we'd crashed out after a movie, mildly drunk, chanced the wanderig hands, she's into it, and we fuck.
Well, I fucked, IU expect there's real dolls that show more interaction. Worst, worst sex ever. She didn't even kiss.
Had I not been too drunk I'd have driven home after that.

Worst/best part - texted my friend who I'd been keeping up to date with the progress words to the effect of.'Still haven't made out with her, though we did fuck, if you can call it that. This may well count as a minus in the magic number book. Worst ever'.

As i sent it to him, I realised my error as the little 'sending' bar on my old nokia 3310 was going, my greivous, terrible error I was not swift enough to rip the battery out the back.
Yes, I'd sent to her by mistake.

>>574454301
>It takes 10 minutes max.
newfag

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>>574451438

>>574454301
Hate to say it bro, gotta lose the porn. Or just watch it without getting off. I don't turn on too easily to porn anymore, but I enjoy watching it.

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I lost my V to a hooker back in July. The condom slipped off while I was pulling out, and I know my dick touched her rotten vag. I just haven't gone to get tested yet for reasons.

The sex wasn't even good because I couldn't relax. I was thinking the whole time about what diseases I was going to get. Oh well. I'll only ever be able to fuck diseased whores anyway.

>>574454452
Hello, fellow maymay-user!!!!1 Teh cake is a lie! xD

>>574454227
I'm ok with what. You'll get everything you wish for tbh.

>>574443361

My friend once told me he fucked a chick and in the middle of the deed he looked down and saw that big quarter sized chunks of meat where falling out of her vagina. Like she was having a miscarriage or something. He said it looked like red jellow mixed with meat and there was a lot of it.

Strangest thing was he said she didn't seem to mind. He said as soon as he saw it he pushed her away and ran.

>16
>First gf. About two months into relationship.
>Come home at her house from rock 'n roll themed party.
>Sleep in her bed.
>Hadn't gone any further than touching her breasts with clothes on at this point (we took things slow, ithad taken us two weeks to even kiss)
>I was pretty irritated by the fact that things were going so fucking slow. She had even stated before she didn't want to lose her virginity before 19 (yes, that would be three years into the future at that point).
>Things are actually going pretty good that night. Got to thouch her breasts naked, she took her shirt off, got my hands in her panties. lying on top of eachother for hours.
>Gather courage.
>Gather some more.
>I kiss her really long and let my finger slip inside her.
>She's really wet. Stuff gets all over my hand.
>Pretty neat actually.
>Start fingering her for five good minutes.
>She is completely silent all of a sudden.
>Pushes me away.
>I ask what's wrong.
>No response
>She cries, pushes me away when I try to comfort her.
>Felt guilty as fuck about it.
>Was really in love with her, Thought she'd hate me now. Mortified basically.
>When I finally got her to talk she cried we were just too young for this (not making this up I swear) and that she had dreamed one of our theachers (we were in the same class) did exactly that to her.
>We go to sleep, I still worried out of my mind.
>Next morning everything was more or less okay.
>Took quite some time before she'd let me do things to her again though.

Fat nig bitch threw up her ramen on my stomach after trying to deepthroat. Never again. Fat or nig.

>>574447335
i'd rather never have sex again than touching a landwhale

>17 y/o virgin
>6/10 female friend was very open to me about her sex life with her bf
>they break up
>starts hitting on me hard
>invite her over
>start fingering her, so far so good
>"wanna put something else in there, anon?"
>fuckyes.gif
>start fucking her
>cum about 6-7 minutes later
>15 minute break
>go at it again
>fucking her hard 40 minutes straight, multiple orgasms [claims I was the best sex she ever had]
>suddenly realize that once I'm not horny anymore, I'm not attracted to her
>lose boner. can't get it back even when she blows me
>awkwardly stop having sex
>she tries giving me a hj/bj combination to make me cum
>no success. not attracted.
>she goes home later
>look at my sheets.
>I see a rather large stain
>smells like piss
>looks like piss
>holy shit she pissed on my bed

I broke things off about 3 weeks later.

>>574454523
Do you masturbate?

>>574452642
I've had that, their new kitten.
She was really worried that I'd hurt it, new cat owners not knowing about the scruff.
Cockblocking little ginger bastard

>>574454301
Twofold problem - you're training yourself to nut with a real specific stimulation and there's the porno aspect.

A cunt cant compete with ya fist for tightness/targeted stimulation. Wack off with a looser grip in future. For now, just cut out the jerkin for a while to help things "reset"

As for the porn - ya linking what you're seeing with blowing the load. Need to tone it down a bit - if your dick thinks you need to watch girls getting pissed on by horses to blow...then its gonna be waiting for that next time you fuck. Its fine to watch stuff now and again, but broaden your horizons - wack it to imagination, to dirty stories, to whayever the fuck you like...just dont always have the dirtiest, hottest stuff you can get running

>>574447625
dude that's pretty white teeth.

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>>574454798

>>574443361
>19 yo virgin 1 month ago
>we both super drunk
>she wont help me get hard
>eat her out
>she passes out
>jerk it till i get hard
>bang her while shes passed out
a shitty first time and i feel like a scumbag

>>574454924
Maybe once a month.

Fucked this one girl about a year ago, she wrapped her legs around me just as I was about to cum and I came in her.

Now I have a girlfriend who fucks other dudes, takes my money, and shit like that, and I can't do shit because of "gender equality" and a fucking kid. Fuck my life, literally.

>>574454793
can i get garlic bread?

>>574455218
Damn dude. You dun goof'd

>>574455214
The hell, I fap daily.

>>574455324
>>574455218

THE CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

>>574455218
#rekt

>>574455218
Fuck that.
If you can prove she's cheating you should have full legal permission to take the kid and leave, cut off all contact with her and have custody decided in court.
>implying the courts aren't biased for whore mothers

>>574444494
this
If girl doesn't enjoy the sex, it's an instant turn off fro me

Once fucked my 9/10 friend the day before she moved and she literally just laid there and barely made any noise. Hottest fuck ever and also the worst.

>>574454398
topkek

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>>574455218

>2014
>not at least using a condom

You asked for it bro.

>>574443361
Bitch talks about being into bdsm
>Handcuffs hurt to much
>Any real spank hurts too much
>Everything hurts too much
Missionary all day every day...

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>>574455380
Don't get me wrong. I choked that chicken to death till about 38. But just slowed down after that, was nice. Better for sex.

>>574455380
I hear ya dude, tanks gotta be drained

>>574454792
I usually don't say that, but if you can cum after 10 minutes of jerking, you're a fucking amateur. You have no right calling yourself a chronic masturbator. you this is a fucking game? It takes me 10 fucking minutes to find something that'll get me hard if I'm lucky. If I want to cum I need about 3-4 hours of constant stimulation (visual, mental, and physical), which means two goddamn monitors filled with all sorts of shit going on and i haven't even covered the fucking fetishes involved and how long it takes to find something new to watch. Don't even get me started on sex with actual women, because it takes a goddamn month of not fapping to actually cum from fucking but I can't go that long so I just keep fapping.

So fuck you, newfag, and fuck your goddamn "10 minutes max." You're not a chronic masturbator. You're just some lightweight who fiddles with his dick from time to time.

>>574455525
I've brought her to court before. They don't do shit, I've even asked for a trial and they just dismiss it right then and there. I live in West Virginia, where girls are taken seriously here and the guys are the "men" of everything.

>>574455525
Have you ever been in court with a dick between your legs? It makes you automatically wrong.

tfw small dick ;_;

Everyone talks about dick length, what about girth? What's the average girth?

>>574455257
yes, yes you can.

>>574455927

coke can

>>574455927
round 5,25 inch

>>574452475
Dat feel... I dont even remember when I actually came inside. Always gotta have a hj for "finisher".

>>574455927
Maybe 3 to 4 inches? I'm average and never had complaints. I don't know, maybe size just matters to sluts? Never dated a slut, so don't know.

>>574455927
coke can

>>574455774
>>574455831
I know, it angers me.
You don't hear this court bias shit whenever someone mentions "gender equality" either, because they're all programmed to think that the precious little women need protecting.

Fuck the feminist zeitgeist

>do first couple swap with gf (swinging)
>met a couple we like as friends, cute wife, guy looks like a solid bro and my gf thinks hes cool
>talked to them beforehand, got them to tell about what they liked etc, girl turns out to be a massive sub and so is the guy
>im in a dom sub relationship as the dom, i ask gf if shes fine with it, shes cool
>the guy is super sub, subbin the shit out of my girl, she basically has to take control of everything and hes just planking her as a guy (asking what to do and every 5 secs if its ok even if shes moaning etc killing her buzz and not taking the hint of "dont talk just fuck me")
>girl is super sub, but in a fun "im so scared dont dare to ask or talk but love this" way
>i make her do all sorts of nasty shit, she complies without complaint, wimper or looks, just happy smiling biting lip every so often but doesn't come no matter what i do
>she tends to have some personal hygiene issues, i "deal" with them as respectful and unnoticeable as possible, trying to be a cool guy about it, shes super new to swinging and all
>they say they loved it, we are a bit in a dry spell of meeting people we can do this with and on a social level we connect so we decide to just keep at it and maybe they will ease into it
>they dont, apparently the guy gets no sex anymore every time we make an appointment (can be months in advance) and the girl is super infatuated with me even though they have a kid (as in, talks more about me to family then her husband (yes, married)

they end up deciding not to meet with us anymore, for the kids sake, not gonna lie they were cool people but sexually they were both super submissive and just dont fit together, the girl craved my cock too hard for his self respect and i get that, but its mostly about me being dominant and him not.
She tried meeting up with me "one last time" but guy said he didn't like it but would allow it then secretly begged me not to do it so ofc i didn't but still in dry spell (we live rural)

>>574449960
>meat not meet
>no pun intended
fuck you are a massive faggot

>>574455964
baby ilu <3

>>574446523

36 here. Wish I had your problem. I am the opposite.

On anti-depressant, and still have the libido of a 16 year old.

>>574455927
According to howlongismyschlong.com, it's around 4.7" circumference

>>574456468
They wan't to prove they can do all a man can do and act like child bearing is a chore until it comes to divorce then they are the perfect mother who bakes brownies and has pies cooling off on the windowsill

>>574455698
i can come in 2 minutes if i focus on it, i can go for douzens of times within the same hour and dont need any rest though...

yes, i occasionally shoot early, but i just keep going and enjoy it.

>>574455698
I'm not an amateur, I just have a great imagination. You don't have to only use your hand when you masturbate. Also, if you need that much stimulation to come, you should get that checked (unless you're over 40).

>So fuck you, newfag

MFW le wild maymay appeared! XD

>>574456679
>tfw mum never had pies on the windowsill
though the mocha cake game was ridiculous, so was the ginger crunch
>this is now a childhood baking thread