My GF and I recently started having sex. I'm not sure the

Are you.. fucking your mom?

>>574365008
kek

>>574364886
>>574365008
oh fuck he is

this pasta

>>574364886
Ram your cock up her ass and see if you still get compliments and encouragement.

>>574364886
could be worse, it could've been revered;
>I'm doing great!
>Wow! I'm so good, those extra hours with Jake really gave results.
>I'm very proud of myself.

>>574365008
Spat my toast over the keyboard.

>>574365292
This, but to the extreme. You need to pull out the really kinky shit. And see what she says.

>what is she,my fucking coach?
she literally is

>>574365330
Well there goes my fucking coffee.
I can't stop seeing this in my head now.

you're a bad lay

>>574365347
LOL

>>574365156
>>574365008
This would certainly be less uncomfortable.

>>574365292
>>574365402
Will try next time.

If either person is talking a lot during sex its because its boring and they need to do something to try and alleviate the situation

She thinks you're a bad lay and chances are you are

>>574364886
Wouldn't actually mind this kind of mid sex talk
Kek

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>>574365008

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>>574364886
>she's your fucking coach
>tfw

Delicious pasta. Haven't seen it for a while. Where did you get it from, your granma panties?

>>574364886
>encouragement
>positive reinforcement
Does she give good directions for what she wants too? If so, I think that's killer and don't understand why you're weirded out.

"You're pretty good good."

"You will lose."

"Yippee ki yay mother fucker."

"You know, he reminds me of his father more everyday."

She's obviously quoting famous lines from movies and video games.

>>574364886
Is your GF also your mother?

If she has the clarity of thought enough to talk during sex that's not a very good sign btw

i dont even...its like having sex with a personal trainer id imagine lol.

>>574365771
This, do you have issues getting/staying hard, performance issues? If so she is probably trying to boost your confidence so you can fuck her better. Or maybe she is imagining some sort of mama role play.

>>574364886
is she foreign? is English her second language?

>>574366108
>>574365771
No I don't and never have. Previous GF have told me I'm really good, but I don't think I am the greatest. I think I'm a 7/10 at sex. I also have a somewhat above average dick. Maybe she had an ex with confidence issues? Or she's incapable of orgasming?

>>574366407
GFs*

>>574366207
No, neither of us have English as first or second language

>>574366407
She sounds like a Ching Chong.

>>574366407
If you haven't fucked her from behind while she's laying on her stomach while rubbing her clit, then she may still be capable of orgasm.

>>574366508
>neither of us have English as first or second language
>(This is an EXACT quote!)

>>574365008
lol'd

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>>574364886
Rule 53 faggot

>>574365579
>I'm really making this work, giving the circumstances.
>When I'm on top I can really make myself feel good, you on the other hand..

>>574364886
Tell your mom you're not a little boy anymore and you don't need to "hold her hand" while fucking her.
Do it faggot.

>This pasta
>These posts
>Implying 4chan doesn't recycle a new batch of users every 2 years

other than that faggot heaven nobody knows this is pasta I am dissapoint.

>>574366626
>what is translation

>>574366579
I have. She squirms a lot and gets really wet and moans but she keeps spouting these words of encouragement all the time.

google, a copy pasters worst enemy:
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/07/dear_prudence_my_girlfriend_coaches_me_during_sex.html

http://live.washingtonpost.com/dear-prudence-130701.html

http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/1duopj/

>>574365202
>>574365202

Smells like teen spirit

>>574366847
I do wonder if she does it while masturbating too though.
>Oh yes, I'm good when I play with my nipples.
>My fingers are doing such a good job
>I make myself so horny
>Where did I get this dildo? It's so big!

>>574367112
People were falling for it. Way to ruin to pretend to be an oldfag you fucking newfag.

>>574367294
>I-... AM-... A-... GOD!
>There's a reason why I call myself the best.
>No wonder my exes always text me that they miss me.

>>574367431

>being this unoriginal that you need to coattail off other peoples jokes

>>574367581
>trying this hard

I bet you weren't even here when the original took place. I also bet you're of the kind that posts bananas in YLYL threads. Go back to reddit you fucking cancer.

>>574367489
Ordinarily I love having sex with myself, but I feel I'm becoming a bit too possessive.
I never take myself out for drinks or a nice meal, it's always sex sex sex.
So I'm seeing other people now, but I live with myself, so it's difficult seeing myself every day and having that sort of sexual tension.

>>574365008
Shit nigger, I'm almost crying right now.
10/10, would read again.

>>574364886
sounds like a baseball coach

>>574367690

come at me bro

how do you maintain a boner while she says this shit? i fucking hate when girls talk during sex
this one bitch said "you are well endowed" while i was hitting her from the back. i was like who the fuck says well endowed. i pulled a total fag moved and faked an orgasm and acted like i cummed and stopped. then i left. never talked to her again. like wtf

>>574364886
dump her, she is psycho.

>>574367923
Sometimes I look back at the time where I was totally addicted to myself. These days I'm really not getting that full satisfaction anymore, but I still like you alot honey.
I hate seeing myself in the mirror, can't really say that I've moved on.

I fucking hate all of you newfags, and from the bottom of my heart, I hope you all die of painful, painful cancers that ravage your bodies and make you beg for release before the end.

You fucking scumshits. ITS FUCKING COPYPASTA.

>>574368379
>implying you aren't newfag as well

>>574368536

Everybody knows YOU'RE the newfag, heaven.

>>574368379
>COPYPASTA
who cares

>>574368375
I hate how every time I'm in the shower, I seem to take that as an invitation to touch myself under the guise of "washing".
It's disgusting but I'm scared to say anything.
I know the same people as myself and I don't know if anyone would believe me, and I don't know if I would get violent with myself.

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Why the fucking fuck don't you just tell her in a nice way that it fucking annoys you?
Like this
>babe, it is cute that you want to make me feel good during sex, but please could you stop cheering me on like a coach? Honestly it is kind of turning me off"
You have a mouth nigger.
And if she gets angry she's a cunt

>>574368702
I've filed a application so I could receive a restraining order, but the judge did not seem all to keen about the idea.. especially since I want to represent myself.

>>574365492
Lel

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Are you fucking an android or a space alien who are pretending to be human? I really, really, really want to believe this theory is true.

>>574369331
maybe

>>574369123
I went to prison for contempt of court because I verbally assaulted me during the hearing.
Now I'm stuck with me behind bars. This is not justice.
I'm being victimized by myself, and just went I went to pee before, I touched myself to "steady the flow".
The guards are enabling my behavior!

Are you fucking Greg Jackson?

>>574369468
The aftermath after the latest happenings has made me actually starting to care about myself again, maybe it's the prison environment where I'm desperate for protection from someone mentally stronger than me.. or maybe I just do this because I have no other choice.. I've been changing cell twice this week already, but I can't seem to shake myself off.

>>574369710
Last night, I found myself initiating sex with myself.
I don't know how it came about, but usually I try to start sex with my instead of the other way around.
It was amazing, and we finished at the same time.
I think I'm starting to fall for myself but now I'm starting to grow scared that I won't be released at the same time as me.
What if I get released and end up having a relationship outside of prison while I am still inside?

>>574369994
What if I don't have the same goals in life after prison and decide do go in different directions?
Last night I talked to me about this and when I started to cry I tried to save it by saying that I was joking. I soon got better and didn't make much of it.

>>574370286
I can't believe I started crying when I was talking to myself.
And when I cried too I know there was some empathy, at least I hope so.
I'm not sure if I was just doing it for show.

>>574369994
Can you print this convo and cut it together as a pic so I can save it btw? I'm in class without a mouse.

>>574364886
This pasta so old my grandma remembers cooking it

After a while into the relationship I got back on the same track that drifted me apart last time, I got annoyed about things I do, and every time I try to talk to myself about it I just brush it of. I ain't having it! I think I really need to sit down with myself and talk about me. I really need to work on my teamwork, not only think about myself.

>>574370493
Also public. Killing time before I go to court to face the judge after my verbal assault against myself.
But what a night I had with myself.

>>574370776
k. I'll be there too. Like always. I'd never leave me in the mud.

>>574370891
The charges were dropped against me, and I dropped the charges against me too.
I'm working things out with myself slowly, and I think I'm going to be alright.
Yeah I still do things to myself now and then, but it all seems to be a bit of give and take.

>>574371173
These days I try to focus on ME, not only myself. It's a slim road to rehabilitation but soon.. soon I'll be able to love me again, like I love myself.

>>574371173
>>574371347
Wait a fucking second are you two guys writing fan fiction about my coach GF

>>574371532
..e-euhm.. what makes you think that?

>>574371532
I'm not, I am.
I'm into that sort of stuff, but I don't find it as appealing.
>>574371347
I think I've gotten to the point where I know how this is going to play out.
I'm certain I'm compatible with myself, and I know I can make me happy.
I'm already looking for a ring, but I don't know it yet.
I think I'm going to be with me for a long time to come.

>>574371757
I think I'll call up my father, asking for my hand. I just need to make sure I surprise myself so I might in the heat of the moment actually say yes. I'm not much of a romantic, but I am though.

>>574367013
I'VE BEEN HERE ALL SUMMER

Well, once after having sex with my girl, fell exhausted next to her, and she just goes.
>Damn Shawshank Redemtion was a great fucking movie.

I was way too confus to know what to say.

>>574372000
Nice trips.

I did it, I asked me and I said yes! I can't believe it, I'm so lucky.
When I asked for my father's permission, he said I was mad and wouldn't do it, but my love for me knows no bounds.
My love for me is enough to make this happen.
I'm informing all the people I know, and I'm doing the same.

>>574372346
I actually made myself agree that a smaller ceremony would be more suitable, just I.
Ive already started practicing the outcome..
"Do you take.. yourself..?"
"Yes!! Yes I do!"
Even thinking about it makes me cry.

>>574372605
I don't know if I'm going to take my name yet.
Though I'm glad I have the support of some friends, others just can't understand my love for myself.
I'm planning the honeymoon and keeping it totally secret, I'm so excited, I can't wait to find out where we'll be going. But I said that I can't find out until we're already on the way.

>>574364886
Top KEK

>>574372846
I've been looking at dresses and ties, I want myself to match. I need to make sure I dress up good as well, don't want to be the only one looking smart at the ceremony.
All this planning and purchases has drained my wallet quite a bit, I sure hope I have some money saved up.

CAPTCHA: Horsefall Divorce

>>574373080
I had been getting tired lately, I thought it was a result of all the wedding planning and excitement.
But I haven't been looking well recently either, and I noticed.
I took myself to the doctor for a check, I am so brave and so proud of me, I took it all in stride while I was a bit of a mess.
I have to go back for tests soon, but I hope I will be alright, at least I'm being strong for me.

>>574373416
I was so sad and surprised when the results came back. It's seems I've given myself HIV, and I know I must have been cheating on me with myself. So I confronted me in the act with myself and this has really shaken up my relationship. I told myself to sit down and talk this out with me, because if it keeps going like this someone is really going to get hurt.

>>574364886
Old pasta. Total deja vu.

>>574373617
I couldn't stay made at myself for long though.
I feel that I've betrayed myself and I know that's terrible, but on top of the AIDS, it seems I have an inoperable brain tumor.
I cried with myself all night over this, I am being very brave, and I don't know how I do it.
Me and I are still getting married, we've moved the date closer.
Even still, the doctor thinks I don't have much time left, but I told him to go fuck himself.
I apologized for me, but I am determined to see this through.

>>574373907
I was at home when I heard I had been put in hospital and my status was critical. I didn't know what to say, I felt like I'd betrayed myself. If I would not have cheated on my I'd never be in this situation. I fell like I've really screwed up everything this time. I don't know if I'd ever be able to forgive myself..

>>574374240
It all happened so fast, I'm still not sure what happened.
Two weeks before my wedding, I heard the news I'd be dreading.
I had passed during my sleep.
The nurses told me I had been asking where I was which makes me feel terrible.
I'm not sure how I'll get through this, but I know it's what I'd want.

>>574364886
Is GF another name for your dad?

>>574374421
After my death I was crushed. I could not look myself in the mirror because I reminded me of myself. I wish I'd spent more time together with me during the rough times.. I simply could not put 1 and 1 together. The more I think about it the more it hurts.. I'm thinking about ending it.

>>574374687
I've taken a whole bottle of pills and I'll soon be joining me.
I just can't stand being without myself.

>>574374925
I'd be ashamed of myself for this. But I think I'll understand.

>>574375051
Out before I start haunting myself.

>>574375245
Fin.