At a party >girl extended and pointed to my crotch >She

>>573719852
done the right thing... she's fucking nuts...

all that "you are that and that" with her not even knowing you cant and expecting the worst? no thank you

GR8 B8 M8

>>573719852
>"I don't know what to say next"

Damnit anon, is every girl really forced to say "kiss me you fool" before you actually do it?

could have had sex bruh

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>>573719852
free online
http://jessica-roll.tumblr.com/

ay girl u wan sum fuk

>>573719852
should have told her friend to fuck off and taken her back to your place
"let's head back to my place?"
"kick rocks bitch she's coming with me"

LOL.
you talk like a 4channer

just keep talking to her until you're both close and it seems like you should kiss her then kiss her

>>573719852

You should have said something. Anything. Anything is better than nothing, you fucking idiot.

That's okay though because I have a similar story...

just kiss her

>>573719852
Not worth m8. Good job.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGaCN1Rmoyk

>>573719852
You sound like a retarded socially awkward virgin teenager

>>573719852
you should have talked to her for fuck's sake, instead of just reacting. ask her about herself, compliment her, whatever. maybe its not too late. ask the people also at the party if they know who her or her friend was. someone will know. contact her, go for a coffee, talk to her. christ man, it isn't that hard.

>>573720750
OP HERE the only problem is all my stories end up like this. This is just my most recent one. When you say "say anything" I still can't think of anything

>>573720795
>>573720789
>>573720461
>>573720440
>>573720353
>>573720278
>>573720173

the virgin satyrs speak

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>>573720852
I'm 21

>>573720874
Can you give me some examples?

>>573721162
Fuck off man i fucked more bitches than you will ever see

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>>573720750

>Be me, 21 or 22 at time
>Be at Piano Bar that a coworker also bounces at, so get good treatment
>Somewhere around halfway through the night I go to secondary bar to sort of get away from people
>Girl comes up
>Starts talking to me, asks if she can buy me a beer
>Ofcourse.jpg
>Starts talking to me, small talk
>Starts saying its hot and takes off her top-layer shirt, revealing a cami and not much else
>Says boyfriend is in Europe and she misses sex SO much
>mfw I say "Oh, okay" and just walk away not realizing she was coming on to me, basically everything but "hey do you want to fuck"

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OP HERE. With another story that happened about a month ago.

>i asked her out before on facebook, she didnt realize it was me and said "no, I dont know you"
>feel rejected and I'm too scared to talk to her again
>I go to a party
>she starts talking to me
>later on she finds out it was me and apologizes to me at a party and says "im sorry, I didnt know it was you. I thought it was someone I didn't know. I felt stupid"
>I keep telling her it's fine

>a few weeks pass and I'm at another party
>I sit down
>she's standing and I'm looking at her
>she's looking at me
>don't know what to say so I look her up and down a few times
>hope she noticed
>she comes over and sits down next to me and says "what's new?"
>I say "nothing" because I don't know what to say
>she says "...nothing?" and laughs

>>573721178
just off the top of my head

now that you have [done what you wanted], tell me a little about yourself while i clean this drink off me. do you do this often? spilling drinks on guys you want to talk to? there are easier waysyou know... so who do you know at this party? are you friends with ____? you have nice hair/smile/eyes. fuck ____come on let's see what trouble we can get into in this place.

>>573720969

All you have to talk about is bullshit. Movies, books, TV (what do you like, i like this) and then get a little more personal. School/job situations. People LIKE to identify with people so if you just throw a little out there she would have tried to help you out with convo.

OP HERE

>really drunk
>girl approaches me in the hallway and says "hey I see you're stumbling all over the place"
>she's not with any guys but she's hot
>she says do you want anything?
>she rushes to get me a cup of water
>she says "im gonna sober you up"
>she's like "I think you'd like some espresso"
>think to myself "how do I flirt with her, does she like me?"
>get all self conscious and think I'm worthless
>I wait for a minute
>my friend comes and says we're leaving the party
>I explain to him this girl might like me
>he doesnt care cause he has work tomorrow and he's my drive home
>I leave with him

>>573721407
You already know she likes you. Do something.

>>573721569
That's a good one. But what do you think I should say after that?

>>573721649
I didn't know what movies to bring up. I don't know what she likes.

Here's anotehr STORY

o to a bar
>stand there for 5 minutes behind the bar counter, i dont know what im doing
>striking hot blonde about 25, enters the bar, comes up behind me and says "hi" and asks what I want
>I ask the lady what do they have, she shows the bottles of what they have
>I choose "heineken" cause I always heard it was cool and classy
>The girl buys me a bottle of that
>she tells me to go over to the table
>I sit down with her, she bought heineken too
>her other friend comes over too
>she puts her purse on the middle of the table
>she starts asking me how old I am, I'm like "21"
>she's like really?
>I thought you were like 30, I feel like such a pedo
>her other friend is like "you have the deepest voice I ever heard"
>get insecure
>she says "you almost sound black"
>lock up
>they start talking about how OCD they are about cleaning bathrooms
>girl that bought me a drink asks me questions about myself and puts me on the spot because she's like "pretend you're a news anchor"
>I refuse
>I feel really uncomfortable and put on the spot
>eventually she says "sorry for interrogating you"
>gets up and leaves

>>573721776
You literally don't have to talk about anything. TV, movies, books is a good way to start and the following up with job/school and stuff. You'll get a lot of mileage out of both of those avenues.

>>573721407
first part, you should say "we know each other from _____"

2nd part you should have said "so then, maybe next friday? drinks and a movie?"

3rd part you could say "well has enough time passed? shall i try again?" just to try and overcome the ackwardness of the other 2 times.

>>573721980

Then ask her what she likes. "See any good movies lately" sounds cliche but it works.

>>573721875
This is happened with another girl.

How do I know she likes me or not?

>>573720789
There was a lot of people around at the party. I was too scared of being rejected in front of everyone.


>>573720461
ill try this next time

>>573721980
Don't worry OP, you just aren't used to social situations how i see it. Spend more time outside, leave 4chan

>>573722303
This is also good advice.

>>573722043
WOW THIS IS GOOD STUFF!!!

>>573722190
How would that fit in anywhere though. When should I have said this. And what do I say after she tells me the movie she saw?

go to club
>buy a beer and stand the while everyone's dancing
>girl comes up behind me
>she says something really close in my face
>instinctively just kiss her on the lips
>whoops, she didn't mind
>she finishes what she was about to say "Hey, I noticed you're looking like you don't like it here"
>I say "yeah"
>she says "are you a dancer", I say "No"
>My friend and I were discussing which one of us would go for you
>she says "come sit with me"
>music is so loud
>she starts screaming everything she's saying into my ear
>think I'm gonna go deaf
>she introduces herself
>she leads the entire conversation
>she starts telling me her name and asking for mine
>eventually she intiates kissing me
>eventually she tells me to let her do all the work
>she french kisses me, bites my neck, and ears
>she expects me to do the same, she guides me to her neck
>only do it a little
>she eventually gives me a drink
>I hope it's not spiked as I drink it
>getting drunker, for some reason kissing still feels weird to me
>start questioning myself whether or not I'm autistic whenever I'm kissing her
>she keeps looking into my eyes
>she says "are you doing some eye thing"
>I say "no"
>she says "your eyes are really beautiful"
>she says "you're really handsome, you do realize you could easily go for the bar sluts dancing,
maybe someone else will approach you"
>she says "I bet everyone tells you you're handsome all the time, I bet you get that a lot, fucker!"
>she keeps informing me that I'm out of her league
>tell her "you dont give yourself enough credit"
>she says "do you THINK YOU can just kiss me? do you think you're like this stud, are you USING ME?"
>I tell her "I'm not conceited"

>>573721980
it won't be one sided so how owuld i know. that's the point, she will respond to the things you say.

>>573721776
good call on that one. who knows what was really going on there. get out if too drunk.

well you fucked up in the deep voice story. why didyou get insecure? you should have done some kind of sexy news anchor story about lucky guy who meets two hot women in a bar. something like that. maybeyou should practice that and work it into conversations yourself.

>>573722303
I have huge social anxiety. I do try to go to social things all the time. But I quickly become bored, uncomfortable and want to go home.

>>573722492
>she says "oh, cause I'd gladly kiss you, any girl would gladly kiss you"
>can always see her friend staring at me
>can't go for her friend
>she eventually goes to buy a drink
>I do the same hang out with my friends for 20 minutes
>eventually go back to sit with her
>she says "OMG, you came back, my night was shitty till you came BACK!!!"
>she starts kissing me again
>she asks me for my sign and everything
>she asks me if I have a girlfriend
>tell her "no" she doesn't believe me
>she asks me for my star sign "I say virgo"
>she doesn't believe me at first
>she gives me an accurate representation of my personality
>how I'm OCD and like to analyze everything
>she says "you're a good lover, you'd eat a girl out, you'd let her suck your dick, but once you're tired or annoyed you tell her to fuck off"
>she asks me if I'm gonna do that "I say "no""
>she eventually turns to me and says "so are you gonna take me home"
>don't want to tell her I still live with my parents
>tell her "I can't I have tenants"
>she says "oh my god you're so responsible, I think I love you"
>she says "we can do it an alley"
>I suggest to her we do it at the park
>I just imagine me and her friend all doing it at the park
>I'm not keen on the whole sex or eating out thing because I don't have any condoms on me
>hide and leave

>>573722262
Well the point is, there's something called ego. This is some spiritual "bullshit", but i'll explain. When you don't care about the outcome, you kill your ego. Ego is the one inside you that seeks for fame, big cars, money and stuff like that. If you act purely because you want something, and no reason for it, just pure will, then you kill your ego, even if you fail, it won't matter much to you. Remember when you were a kid, you did stuff just because you wanted to. You saw your goals and just reached out for them. That's something you need to achieve. Maybe it's all bullshit and my head is up my ass but im just trying to help

>>573719852

take this phrase and tatoo it on the inside of your eyelids.

"so, you wanna get out of here?"

you're welcome.

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>>573721315
>be camping for friends bday a few months ago
>hotboxing the tent when we hear voices and shit
>noided
>two german chicks come up and ask if we want to party
>look out tent, mostly dudes
>they look in tent and we all have our shirts off cept for bday guy cause its hot as fuck
>she says"looks pretty gay" obv trying to get us to deny and go along cause they wanna fuck
>i say, and this is verbatim: "its bit gay, HE(bday) sucked all OUR dicks. shirts vs skins you know"
she laughs and walks away and they sit on our cars for a sec

>mfw on the ride home i realized i was the only one who was single and cockblocked myself

>>573722595
I have a deep voice but my voice is very flat with no emotion.

So I dont have the talent for newscasting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgYNSKgDQ_c

here's me

>>573722875
OP HERE

I think even I'm not this autistic. wtf

>>573722937
Oh yeah op, join the pick up artist forum, they have stuff that could help you as for social anxiety

>>573722689
i think you're beyond help OP. i'm not sure what to tell you. sorry.

>>573721315
I'm this oblivious. Could have scored with a 15 and 14 year old sisters
Was 17 atm

>>573723172
no ha ha that's the last fucking road you want to go down OP. you don't need it. as soon as you get over this hangup about sex, you'll do fine. need to figure out what's really at the base of this.

>>573720440
ayy lmao

>>573722937
you can practice it a bit. record yourself doing some funny news voices. think of it like a game. you have potential there.

>>573723441
Im not talking about real pick up, that's going into much detail. But there aretips on sorting out your shit

OP HERE

>moms friend visits, have never met her before
>im walking up from the basement about to go inside a room
>walking through kitchen she laughs and says "hi" do you wanna sit down
>nervous
>sit down
>she's 30 years old
>she's this really cute asian girl
>she tells me how that when I was 16 I was always sleeping when she came over and she's surprised that time passed by so fast that I'm 21 now
>she starts talking about how she got grays hairs recently a few hairs and fears she might be getting old
>feel like shes fishing for a compliment
>she says it a few more times and blames "stress"
>she offers me wine she brought
>we keep making eye contact and laughing
>i'm kind of nervous the whole time so I avoid eye contact
>feel she might be shy too
>try to hold back my uncontrollably smile
>mom tells her to come down, i think for private "girl talk"
>feel a little saddened
>she puts her hand on my shoulder and says "you should come down too"
>come down
>she sees me standing up and tells me "you're so tall"
>we start watching some movie
>i get up and go to bed
>a minute after I leave, she leaves too to go home

Does she like me or was she jsut being nice?

>>573723675
getting out of your parents house will definitely be one giant step in the right direction.

>>573723170

No, you are an ubberfaggot because of reasons

>>573720440
I've tried these pickup lines in real life they didn't work

>>573722875
>noided
good meme my man haha

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>>573719852
>"I don't know what to say next"
And... you blew it. Not surprised either. Here, have a red pill.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6b7TluEqKY

>>573723878
I don't have a job
This girl came down and sat next to me and said "Look I got accepted into this school" and showed it on her phone. I said "wow that's cool". I'm really laid back.

Anyway, she says "you don't care do you?", "you don't care... you don't care". I say "I do care". She says "yeah, right you don't care it's cool" She tells her sister "he doesn't care" and they both leave together.

Apologize to her later. She starts saying that she was never offended, feel she's being passive aggressive.

She starts saying "I'm taller than you". I'm much taller than her. She says "I'm taller than you". She says "I can pick you up" Grab her butt cheeks and start raising her high up. She says "OMG he's gonna kill meeeee". Put her down.

Standing in hallway later. She walks past me. She says "YOU PSUHED MEEEEE". Say "no, and I'm sorry". I didn't push her...she bumped into me.

>>573719852
Yes, you messed up, she was clearly very into you.

What should you have said? I've found it's best to put yourself in the mindset of some sort of bubbly faggot for these kind of situations. I know, shameful and all, but that's the best way I've found, as an introvert, to relate with the majority of people. I just kinda take semi-stoic me and average it out with bubbly faggot (-any gayness) and that's kinda what I say.

"I did that on purpose, because I wanted to sit next to you."
>"WTF?! You just spilled water on me on purpose!" said with a chummish grin

"Why do you hate me?"
>"The water ya dingus"

"I wanted to do this since the beginning of the night."
>"Then you should've qtpie" ;)

Most girls kindof like having fun poked at them, playfully. Just play along with their goofy nonsense, that's how most of them work.

You should be able to be 60-80% of yourself (depending on how crazy/depressed you are) within 4 or 5 more lines of conversation.

You can probably still salvage it with this chick. Just wait until days when you're feeling good, start hanging out with male (or female friends) 2-3 hours before to get your mojo on and try to meet her up somewhere. She's into you brah, you probly didn't butcher it that bad.

Oh and
>nofap

>>573724027
ignore this shit, OP. just take a look at that picture ha ha.

>>573724125

I feel real sorry for you.

I couldn't imagine my brain missing those very obvious signals.

damn...

OP HERE

So, I have 2 girl neighbours that live upstairs. They woke me up around 1 PM with their stomping and noise. Anyway when I woke up I could clearly hear what they were saying about me. One of them kept calling me a "weirdo" and "he's weird" and One of them said I was soooo cute over and over again. But they also said I was weird and I think also creepy. They were also giggling a lot.

One of them said "He can hear us laugh". Since the sound insulation isn't too good. (Anyway, a week ago I was laughing in my room watching some comedy network. The thing is they were also LAUGHING too. and they were talking about how they could hear me laugh. And then they said "that means he can hear me laugh" and they were laughing)

Anyway, I was in my bed hearing them retell all this. One of them said how I was a gentleman because I left the room last time when I heard them talking about me.

They also seemed to mention that there was something wrong with me like I was retarded or something. They also brought up how they noticed that I'm intimidated by them. I guess from my interactions with them.

>>573724235
I don't know about this OP, but hey, give it a try.

>>573722689
last line, >hide and leave holy fuck. you're autistic man. I mean, they'res nothing else to say about it. You shouldn't be fucking women anyway because we don't want more people like you around. just devote your life to greasing the cogs of humanity like a good little bitch

>>573724027
the last thing you want is some beta fag desperately pretending to be alpha giving you advice.

sounds like you have it going on, you just need to get past your hangups about sex.

>>573724235
>chummish
>dingus
>qtpie

take this guys advice op

>>573724529
this made me lol i don't know why

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if believe real, OP are autistic? no bait, just honest question

it seems like you miss out on a TON of social clues

stories are entertaining either way, please continue

This girl sounds like she's kind of out of her freaking mind.
Which usually is a sign that she's probably awesome in bed, but shitty in all other aspects.
She'll be fun to begin with, but then you'll slowly realize she's a fucking psychopath, but only after you've impregnated her twice and been with her for 5 years.

You may very well be a mildly well functioning autistic man.

ask her if shes heard of goat simulator

>>573724792
>girl asks me if I want to come over to her house for a drink
>we take a cab
>we start drinking some vodka
>accidently knocked over my alcohol all over her laptop
>it stops working
>i broke her laptop
>I feel so awful
>she says its ok
>next day
>accidently knock over her clothing line
>she jokes "u ruin everything"
>she says "lets watch netflix, unforunately we'll have to watch it on my phone cause my computer is still broken"
>we're watching
>she says "can u spoon with me"
>I misunderstand and say and repeat what I thought I heard "do u wanna screw me?"
>she repeats herself and said "no, spoon with me"
>we're spooning
>she grabs my hand and puts my hand on her boob
>for some reason I can't get hard
>want to get hard so bad but feel so drained and hungover
>it's so obvious she wants to have sex but I can't do anything about it
>she takes off her bra
>try and caress her breasts and other things
>dont know how to break it to her that I cant get hard for some reason
>it's getting late
>she tells me she has to do work in an hour, I guess code for u have an hour to fuck me
>ask her if I can touch her feet
>she keeps refusing and saying gross
>I tell her i really like feet and it'll help me get hard
>I go at her feet and touch them
>my feet are dirty and gross I'd atleast have to wash them first
>she tells me "I'm over here" basically telling me to spoon her again and fuck off from her feet
>she says "I'm sorry did I break ur heart?"
>I tell her "sort of"
>she says "fine, i'll wash my feet"
>she comes back
>I ask her if she washed them
>she says "why"

>>573724529
ha ha probably sounded like herman munster down there.

where do you live? what country/city? did you say?

>>573721776
Dude when someone's forcing you to leave is pretty much the best excuse to just go up to a girl with your snake out and ask for her number.

>>573725049
>spaghetti drops
>she says "what are u gonna do with them"
>I said "just touch them"
>start touching, making out and kissing and licking and sucking her toes and rubbing her feet all over my face
>her feet are so beautiful but I still cant get hard
>I break it to her that I cant have sex with her because I cant get a boner
>I start apologizing to her that i can't have sex with her
>I ask her if she's upset and she says "a little"
>after a few minutes... she tells me she has to do work soon
>tell her I'm gonna leave
>at the door I ask her if she would be grossed out if I kissed her without washing my mouth
>she says "its fine"
>kiss her and hug her
>leave

>>573725008
Why?

>>573724987
I hope not. I've never been diagnosed. But as a kid I was always very shy and quiet and had trouble talking to people.

>>573725049
you have a mental block about women. i think you need to get this sorted out before anything else. it's good news in a way, because unlike most of the virgins here you'll get laid once you sort it all out.

>>573719852
Here's what you do now.
Take a notebook.
Write down 10 questions you would want some femanon at a party to ask you.
Not shit like, "do you want a blowjob?". Questions that would get you to talk about yourself.
Memorize them. Absolutely fucking memorize them. So no matter how sperged you become, you can remember them.
Next time a girl sits next to you, ask her those very same questions.
And now for the next most important part.... ACTUALLY LISTEN TO WHAT THE FUCK SHE'S SAYING TO YOU.
I like to tune the rest of the party out and turn her into the center of the universe. Girls fucking love it.

And btw, if a girl comes over and talks to you, you've already got her in the bag - you can only fuck it up.

>>573720969
And that's why you FUCKING MEMORIZE THE SHIT out of those questions. Spewing them out should be as natural as taking a dump - even when drunk off your ass.
Think it's hokey? Remember, you might ask the same questions over and over again, but SHE will have only heard you ask them once.

>>573720619
ayy lmao

>>573721980
DUDE! You are just passing up on the best of opportunities man.

Girls are telling you you have an amazing voice (ignore the part about blacks) and that they want to hear you talk purely for the sake of it.

Bask in that shit man. Ask them what the day's headlines are, sit up good and straight, put on your serious face and give them a show in your deepest, enthusiastic tone.

Jesus OP, the other stories were bad, but those girls sound really chill and they were just asking you to show off.

Get it together man.

>>573724959
Really? The only other story I have of the girl I posted in OP is this one which happened about 5 months ago

>she comes to the party and comes up behind me with a water and beer in her hands
>she says "hey!!! HOW ARE YOU!?"
>I say "good"
>she says "where's your drink?"
>she keeps saying "I wanna cheers you"
>"I wanna cheers you"
>cheers her with my empty hand
>say "i dont have one"
>she keeps saying "where's your drink?"
>pick up my empty can and say "I already drank it"
>she says "want some?"
>she keeps saying this
>think she's offering me her beer or something because it's extended out a little
>try to take it
>say "Can I have a sip, I don't get it?"
>she says "I'll buy a fresh one!"
>she buys it for me
>the beers were overpriced and she paid 6 dollars
>she "cheers" me with her cup
>music is really loud there
>don't say anything to her, too scared to say anything
>she leaves with one her gfs to go for a smoke break

>>573725575
did you read >>573725260 ?

he can't get hard. nothing is going to help with that shit happening.

>>573725260
haha WTF I'm laughing so fucking hard, I love you OP

>at bar
>standing with my friend
>brunette girl from a group walks by smiles, looks at me and nods
>friends tell me "she just did that go after HER!"
>too shy
>another girl walking through she stops and looks at me
>she's a blonde girl, really gorgeous/cute, in a red dress
>i look back
>she keeps looking
>felt like 10 seconds
>she says "you never have to ???????"
>music is too loud
>say "what? sorry?"
>she repeats herself "you never have to worry about going bald"
>say "oh"
>put my hand on her shoulder
>say "is that a bad thing?
>she says "your hair is so thick"
>she says "what's your name?"
>tell her
>don't know what to say
>I say the same thing
>she says melissa
>she says "what's your last name?"
>she repeats my name
>i make a joke about it, she doesnt laugh
>she says whats your middle name?
>she says "what would you rather be a shark or an eagle?"
>say "i don't know"
>I say "can I be a shark eagle?"
>she lets me do it
>she says "what would you rather be a ninja or a pirate?"
>tell her pirate
>start yelling/raving about how cool pirates are
>realize this annoyed her
>she says "which music do you like better the beatles or the rolling stones
>she says "i personally prefer rolling stones"
>I say "I prefer the beatles"
>make fun of her for choosing rolling stones
>she starts walking away to go back to her girlfriends
>she does it slowly like she wants me to stop her
>don't want to look desperate and chase after her
>she slowly leaves
>feel so bad that she left me

>>573725049
you jack it to porn mang?

maybe you're asexual or something

like the frogs in Jurassic Park

>>573725698
I did get hard the night before. She sucked my dick, and I rubbed her pussy, and I sucked her tits,

She made me put my fingers in her pussy 4chan always told me to rub it on the outside.

Anyway I think we had 2 seconds of sex before my dick went floppy

>>573725869
The Beatles are good music, good job OP

>>573725869
>>she says "what would you rather be a shark or an eagle?"
>>say "i don't know"
>>I say "can I be a shark eagle?"
>>she lets me do it
allofmysides.jpg.exe

>>573726142
ha ha ha i don't know what to tell you. i suppose you will have to find a really patient nice woman to lead you out of the valley of death here. maybe have to be honest with her.

>>573725659
Not sure if you read that whole post,
but uh, yeah. Something seems off about her at the very least.
If all you're interested in is sex, then go for it. Just make sure she's on birth control and you use like, three condoms.

>>573726093
I had lost my sex drive probably cause I was fapping 7 times a day. I stopped fapping for that day on the weekend but my sex drive wasnt back yet

>>573725575
I think I'm really good at listening.

Like I'll stare intently and say "uh huh", "cool" "yeah"

But that's all I can do. cCan you give me more questions to ask?

>>573726495
stop fapping this very moment. that's surely part of your problem. take a week off and see how it goes then with the ladies.

>>573726325
I got it from homestar runner

the bear holding the shark idea inspired me

>>573726431
I did I read everything. I just wanted to give you some back story and see if you changed your mind about her mental state

>>573726680
I can't stop fapping more than 3 days...I get an uncontrollable urge that I must do it and I give in

So I approached women with cheesy lines like "are you a chicken farmer? cuz you sure know how to raise a cock".

They worked on the white women and they gave me their numbers. Even though I was reading them off cards. In turn they told me that I was attractive. IT WORKED. I couldnt believe it.

But after when I approached the black women they were critical of me. And in response started using their own pickup lines like asking me if I was an angel and stuff or if I fell out of the sky. ANd asking to see my wings.

I kept using the lines but they weren't working. When I asked for their numbers they said "What if we don't have numbers"

The pick up lines worked even on girls that were their with their boyfriends. But not these girls.

What's worse was when I was sitting down the black girls started telling their other black girl friends what I did. They talked about how if I wanted to approach I shouldnt have been reading off cards and shouldn't have been using dumb lines. When I was there. It didn't really matter to me.

So I started approaching them again... EVentually this white knight came along and he started trying to say "Hey, stop bothering these girls". And so in turn I just started using the pickup lines on him to piss me off. He kept saying "last one and then you have to go" but I just kept spitting lines at him. Lines like "my dick just died, can i bury it in ur ass"

I called his bluff and it worked. He never did shit.

I then started using the lines on groups of people and guys. It turns out it was a really good ice breaker and a good starter for conversations people would ask me to tell them more lines and would tell me I should do comedy, or radio, or that I was very convincing.

>be 10 or 12 or some shit
>at a badminton camp
>worst fucking camp, I missed me mum
>one of the last nights, time for party
>dance for myself trying to moonwalk
>bitches be mirin
>3 girls come over to me
>anon, [girl] wants to know if you'll be her boyfriend
>no...?
>they run off all OH NO HE DIDN'T
They spent the next hour chasing me around the hallways, goddamn.

>>573725698
It certainly won't improve matters if he never gets another opportunity, now will it?
Sounds like he needs a hit of mescaline to help him get past his first time. After that, he'll probably be humping like a rabbit all on his own.
Don't use meth or any meth derivative. That'll just make shit worse. A hit of mesc will do it for ya.
Just one hit. You don't need to be laughing at little green men dancing on the walls. Maybe even half a hit right away and the other half in an hour.

>>573727176
where are you? i want to film this shit for a reality show. i have connections. we can help each other out.

>>573727176
Here's a good pickup line:
Hi, my name is (name here). Then you start talking. Lemme ask you, what is the first thing you wanna do when you approach a girl?

>>573727271
he's getting plenty of opportunity.

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FUCK HER RIGHT IN HER PUSSAY

captch kek: set dmforec

>>573727107
I see them atleast once a month at a party or at a social thing. But I never approach. I usually stand in the corner and nod my head to the music. Or stick to my best friends like glue.

I've been doing 5x5 exercise routine since febuary. I'm eating organic now and trying to avoid alcohol and stuff.

But I've never really read a book. Does it help?

>>573727271
What's mescaline?

>go to friends house
>his parents are in the kitchen
>they ask me to sit down for awhile
>i start eating
>my friends older sister is there at the table
>her dads starts telling her how I'm a "good guy" and how I'm really mature for my age
>me and her make eye contact but I always get really shy while looking at her so I always look away
>notice she does the same
>afraid because at points I would smile and I would smile really hard and I would have to bite my lip to stop myself
>her mom asks me how old I think she is
>i say "18"
>she thanks me, shes actually 22, 2 years older than me
>her mom says "so do you have a girlfriend right now?"
>she says "are you single?" and I say "yeah"
>she says "my daughter is single too"
>she says "what do you think of my daughters looks?"
>I say "I think she's good looking"
>don't know if she ever told her I said that

FUUUUCK.

OP, you make me furious. Every fucking idiot would've gotten laid by now if they were in your situation.

>>573727362
Toronto

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgYNSKgDQ_c

Here's my youtube video/account if you want to contact me.

I don't know if you're legit some guy recently offered me voice acting at a bar. But it later turned out he was just lying his ass off. ANd didn't ahve the connections to find me voice acting work he was just an animator that worked on a few major productions 14-30 years ago according to IMDB

I'll never find work

>>573726742
Drink more or find a way to get more confidence..

>>573727884
read books OP

they make you think about ideas

they give you things to talk about

they increase all sorts of mental activity

go to your local library and have the librarian help you pick out some books you think might sound interesting. don't be afraid to try every genre.

>>573727461
So asking them for advice is good game?

>>573728247
You should be glad he didnt punch you in the face

>>573724125
you both sound dumb as fuck. match made in heaven.

>>573720440
Girl Number 1:

I read her a line. In response she complimented my hair and said it was really beautiful. I said "you too". And went into detail why and she was really flattered.

Anyway, she started telling me a lot of funny stories. Like how she had to bus here all the way from New York. Since I'm naturally quiet I let her go on and usually gave feedback and said "yep" a lot. Whenever there was an awkward silence she'd revive the conversation. Anyway I noticed some kino... She'd keep touching me on the arm or shoulder.

Anyway, she told me she had to buy a drink. Before she did...I asked her for her number. And I took out a pen and paper. She said "sure" but instead she said "I'll just give you both my facebook and email" because she didn't feel comfortable giving her number out at this party.
Girl Number 2:

I noticed some younger shy guys at the party that looked kind of sad. I went up to them and started reading them these lines. They loved them but said some of them were too dark. Then one of them told me to use the line on one of the girls and pointed to the girl he wanted me to use it on.

So I went up to her. Took out my notepad and read it to her. She laughed and said "that's so funny". She was also with a friend of hers that laughed as well.

In response she used 2 pickup lines to me. The first one was "If I'd rearrange the alphabet. I'd put U and I together". I forget what the 2nd one was, but I noticed on the 2nd pick up line she put her arms on my shoulders during the punchline. So I guess that was some obvious kino.

So in response I handed her an empty page on my notepad and also handed her a pen and said "can you give me your number" and she said "sure" and wrote it down.

After she gave it to me I hugged her.

>>573728247
that;s you? jordan?

i live in nyc and have many friend in the film industry. a lot of indie stuff but you know that's how it starts.

>>573728438
Lol, yes i fucked up there.

>>573728450
I'm the guy being recorded. The video is fake.

I asked my firned to pretend to harrass me. I was attempting to go viral and I failed.

3rd Girls:

So, there were two brunette girls at the party as well. They were probably the prettiest girls there. I noticed that they looked a little uncomfortable and that they were both talking with eachother in a secluded area the whole time.

I went up to them, took out my notepad and nervously read out the lines. The girl that heard me said the line was hilarious. But the other one said "if I had heard it I would have probably laughed". (The music was pretty loud).

Soon after I told them "You guys looked underage" and walked away awkwardly. When I went back to them 2 minutes later and asked them their age they said they were 19. But I didn't believe it for a second. They were most likely 17.

Anyway since a lot of people on this board call me "autistic". I decided it'd be fun if I told them I was autistic. So I did and I noticed their eyes widen. And I noticed how that this was a mistake right away. Because they started treating me differently.

So, then I asked one of the girls to give me her number and she refused and said "No, I can't do that, you didn't even give me your name yet". But after that she asked "What's your name, what's your last name?" and so I told her and asked her the same.

After that she said "Okay, I'm gonna give you my number now". She gave it to me but after she wrote it down she said "we're gonna be friends". So, I guess she wasn't interested.

So, then I asked her friend for her number and she said "I can't I'm really new to these things, it's my first time". And I said "okay, cool" and left.
4th Girl:

Without reading off my notepad I went up to her and said one of the lines. She didn't understand so I said another one. It seemed like she was too slow to get them.

Her excuse was the music was really loud and she said it'd be okay if I screamed them into her ear.

>>573726495
What questions would make YOU want to answer?
I ask things like "Flying, or invisibility? Or is there a third power you would rather have?"
or
"What is your idea of a perfect day?" Or perfect vacation, or perfect job...

The questions you ask will tell her a lot about you. So don't worry about having to talk a lot. Just have a bunch of open ended questions that you can use on her.

>>573720440

If the hoes are ratchet enough this line actually works. Just go to some redneck ass inbred party outside of town and fuck them hoes.

>>573728756
Yes I'm the guy being recorded

Well I'd be happy to do anything since I'm a NEET

But I guess NYC is too far?
---------------------------------
Anyway, then I just said "gimme your number" and she said "I'll give you my facebook, so I can share music with you".

guess she rejected me too.
5th Girls:

On my bus ride home I noticed a black girl and blonde girl sitting down all tired and partied out. It was around 4 in the morning. And the bus was packed. I was a stop away from getting off so I decided to act fast. I took out my notepad and used the beaver line. In response they just gave me a confused look. But fortunately everyone else on the bus loved it. They started laughing and repeating it and wanted to hear more.

So, I read more. They really enjoyed it.

I got off feeling great because everyone was so supportive of my jokey behaviour on the bus.
6th Girls:

As I was about to go home I noticed 2 girls walking home as well. So, I decided to use the beaver line on them as well as I walked by. One of the girls turned back and she said "that's the worst pick up line everrrrrrrrr"

The liens I were using were "ayy gurl want some fuck" and "are you an archaeologist" "ayyy gurl are you from ireland cuz my penis is dublin"

These lines don't work

>>573728954
This OP. Don't use questions just for the sake of conversation. Ask her something that you really wanna know. Game isn't about lying. It's about opening yourself up to that girl, getting to know her, enjoying her presence. Girls are fun. Not something you should look upon as the ultimate reward for being a confident alpha male.

>>573728660
you're on /r/seddit

I thought I recognized it earlier with the part about reading pickup lines off of cards

you doing okay OP? how's your self-improvement?

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>>573719852
Words were not the answer - a kiss was. :3

>>573729296
from toronto? come on. it's an easy trip.

>>573728954
This is really good stuff

>>573728940
>Without reading off my notepad
I fucking love you

>>573728954
horrible shit questions. depends on if you're after women or high school girls i guess.

>>573729508
I've never been to NYC.

----------------------

So I got this girl's number a month ago. She wrote it down on a piece of paper I gave her. I called her with my friend's cellphone since I don't have one. I really hope she doesn't have caller ID because she'll think I'm poor since I don't have a cellphone.

Anyway when I called her to explain who I was. She told me she could never forget who I was. Anyway, I asked her if she was still in town and she said "no, I'm in the other city". Which is unfortunate. But thinking back to my conversation with her a month ago she did tell me she was from a university from out of town and liked to travel a lot. Anyway, she said she visits my city on some weekends.

I told her I wanted to invite her some place sometime and she said "sure". I asked her if she'd like to come to a party or something and she said "Sure, I love parties". And she said "Do you have a facebook?" I asked her for hers and she gave me her full name. The only problem was my friends were talking over her when she was spelling out her last name. I told them to turn down their music and one of them said "shut the fuck up, fag" So, I told him to shut the fuck up while I was on the phone with her.

Shit, I hope I didn't mess up by doing that. I don't want her thinking I'm an angry person.

Anyway, when my friends quieted down I got her last name finally and it was time for us to say our goodbyes.

I felt like I was being awkward during the entire phone call and when I was preparing to get off the phone with her and say "bye" I was being especially awkward.

Probably. She approached you, initiated conversation and then pro-longed it despite the fact that your input was pretty shitty.

Either she's just really sociable, or she wants the D.

Either way I'd follow it up just out of curiosity.

>>573727884
>what's mescaline
Only the most awesome party drug ever devised. It's a cocaine derivative that makes you very happy - lowers inhibitions, heightens your senses, and gives you confidence all at the same time. Too much can induce hallucinations.
A little bit will enhance any experience. But like any other drug, too much and it just becomes the experience.

It's out of favor because of meth and meth derivatives which give much the same experience - but meth can kill a boner. Meth is a notorious boner killer.

>>573729862
ha ha ha you must be a comedian. if not, maybe you should try it out. lol. just get on stage and tell these stories.

>>573729862
MY BACK STORY with her was at a party

Anyway, another girl Stephanie introduced herself to me and she said "you are so hot". I felt really flattered because it was the first time someone called me "hot" I think. I said "Thanks, you too" and she started talking about the book she was reading. I knew nothing about it.

Anyway, Stephanie said "So, by the way I have a curfew, I probably have to leave around 11:30, but I don't have to". So I said "is the curfew strict?" She said "Yeah, it's not strict I can stay out as long as I want".

Anyway, I was later standing in the hallway with Stephanie and her girlfriends. Her girlfriends said "Okay, Stephanie, we want to leave soon. But you can stay here. We'll be outside"

I didn't know what to do. So I just asked her to come back into the party. She lit up a joint and passed it to me and shared it. I then asked her for her number and she wrote it down for me and she left around midnight with her friends.

>>573719852
I think you are legitimately retarded

op is golden

>>573730223
/thread

>>573719852
Pretty sure this is copy/pasta from a few weeks ago.

1/10

>>573730125
Is it hard to get legit "mescaline" I feel like I'll get some other drug

>>573730176
I'm not a comedian. I don't know. I don't think I'd be able to preform infront of a crowd.

------------------------------

She sat down and said "Hi I'm so and so" I introduced myself back. For some reason she thought I was insulting her clothing when I was actaully trying to compliment it.

After I recovered from that she talked about how much she loved the sunlight and I just said "ya" and she kept talking more and more and I didn't know what to say so I just said stuff like "for sure", "ya"

EVentually she said "I'm gonna go back to my girlfriends for a bit" but she never came back. After a few hours she took a cab home alone, while her best girlfriend stayed with some guy

At times I would notice her looking at me and I would look back for a few seconds, get scared and look away.

>>573730223
are you copying these from a journal or what? either way keep em coming. priceless shit and it's bringing out the virgins trying to give you advice. hilarious.

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>>573719852
>>I tell her "I don't know what to say next"
FRIENDZONE!

MFW that's almost as bad as asking if it's OK to kiss her.
LOL.
Live and learn, bro. Going around admitting weaknesses and shortcomings is a quick trip to the friendzone.
Women want a sensitive MAN, not a sensitive boy. You basically just said, "I'm young and inexperienced and get weird around women."
Super unimpressive.

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>>573729375
>>573730609
yep

>>573730736
Yes I have a journal. It's not copy pasta.

---------------------------------------------

>start talking to cute girl I had a crush on
>first time talking to her in a few months
>we start talking
>at one point she says "do you have a girlfriend?"
>i say "no, i'm single"
>she says "good"
>don't know why she said good
>she says "im single too"
>don't know if I should respond with "good" too
>we talk more
>I tell her I'm interested in some wilderness
>she says "i've been there" and shows me a picture
>she's in it
>can't believe she's actually been there
>I add "you're beautiful"
>she says "no I'm old :D :)"
>she says "lets go there one day, it's a really nice experience"

one time she didnt respond for a day

"hi sorry for not replying
i have a new job
and so I have been busy
it was also my birthday and iwas at my girlfriends house
blah blah blah
how are you?
what have you been doing
how are you?
when you see this message and reply i will reply as soon as i see it
:*"

Anyway I wanna flirt with her but I dont want to make it obvious

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>>573720378
>you motherfucker

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>>573719852

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>>573719852
Jesus op,i cant even tell if you're just joking or are you legitimately autistic because this is hilarious.
i wish you the best of luck

So, I went to a bar tonight with a friend. He bought two beers and we sat down at a table.

It was a rather empty bar. But there were 2 girls sitting on a table across from us. Let's call them Nancy and Stacey (BFFs for 6 years).

Shortly after sitting down my friend approached the girls and introduced himself to them. He didn't really talk to Stacy and he focused more on Nancy. Even though Stacy was hotter (in my opinion).

I just kept sitting where I was... while talked to her. He did introduce me and I nodded while still seated.

Eventually my friend sat down at their table and continued chatting with Nancy.

I noticed Stacey looking at me so I looked back but she looked away. And that made me self conscious. I felt that maybe she didn't like me or something.

At one point my friend asked if they were done chatting and if he should leave the table. Nancy told him to stay.

I just sat and watched and hoped the best for my friend. Then Nancy said to me "You have a cool shirt" and I said "thanks"

Shortly after Stacy left the table and sat at the front bar.

Nancy commented on my shirt again. Except she told my friend. She told him "Your friend has a cool shirt". And I said "yeah".

She told my friend she had to use the bathroom. She walked up and then started walking to the bathroom. She accidently bumped into me and she said "sorry!!".

After a minute when she was done she came back and said "I'm sorry, I was trying to rush to the bathroom" and I said "it's ok".

I later went to the bathroom myself. I tried opening the door and it wouldn't budge, there was a guy inside that said he was using it. So, I said "sorry" and sat down and waited. When he came out he said "Oh my god, I was so scared in there, I thought you were a MONSTER". "Your voice is really really low pitched and I thought you wanted to come inside to barge in and kill me". I was a little offended so I said "okay".

>>573719852
"Did you want to sit with me or did you want to fuck? I like the way you look and I have wanted to kiss you and more all night". Stroke her face and lie. Say "Such a beautiful girl." Kiss her throat and take her hand and take her away from the crowd. either home, to a car, or even to the bathroom. In the bathroom you can piss on her for spilling a drink on you. Its only fair.

>>573721407
You need a serious change in your life if you ever want to become a man.
Move somewhere like NYC or Montreal, or Paris or Barcelona if you're a Euro.
Start life over, and stop acting like a little schoolboy. "I don't know what to say", is brutal - so fucking embarrassing.
Act like an adult, ffs.
She's lucky to be around you - if you don't believe that, she won't.
Maybe you should visit some massage places or get an escort, so you're not so intimidated by women.

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>>573719852
>She asks me if I'm cold hearted
>I said "I'm warm I just don't show it"

>>573732024
He kept talking and I tried to get closer to him, but he stepped back, I tried to reach out with a handshake as a sort of peace offering... But he was already backing away and leaving. So I just went into the bathroom instead.

I came back and sat down at the table.

Stacey came back and she started showing Nancy some electronic music on her phone. I could tell Nancy wasn't interested especially when Nancy said "so is this almost finished playing?". But I could tell she was trying hard to pretend she liked it.

After 5 minutes of the song and watching my friend twirl his ice cubes around timidly. I got up and decided to introduce myself to both Nancy and Stacey. I said "hi whats ur name" and shook their hands.

Nancy told me to join them.

Stacey wanted to go to the front of the bar again and was trying to convince Nancy to come too. Nancy kindly refused but Stacey kept insisting she come because Stacey had left her drink there. Stacey decided to go to the front without Nancy.

My friend continued talking with Nancy till she turned to me and said. "I love your shirt is that a robot?" and I said "Yeah".

At this point I was getting really annoyed that she kept talking about the shirt. It was a shirt my mom bought for me and I paid no attention to it when I put it on.

She said "It's not not an android is it" I said "no". She tried telling me about some show. I didn't understand and she said "...Um well, forget it. But the point is I have a similar shirt with a robot on it". So I said "Yeah?" She then said "I think robots are the future so it's great you have that shirt on" So I said "yeah"

She then turned to my friend and kept talking. Eventually her friend came back and told her they had to leave. So before leaving my friend asked for Nancy's number and she gave it to him and said "text me".

>>573732229
They both left the bar. We just sat there. About 2 minutes later Stacey comes back and sits down at the front of the bar. I found it weird that she made her best friend leave when she wasn't leaving herself.

>>573732176
What would you have said?

---------------

So, this girl was a little drunk. Her boyfriend was sitting in his huge truck while she was talking to me. Before she got in his truck she started clamping my face with her hand and she was telling me to stop bullying my friend (I never was). She was a little aggressive. She said I'd have to deal with her.

Anyway, then she kissed me on the lips. And then I guess as a way to hide what she had done she started punching my shoulder.

Her boyfriend was like "hey wtf!" when he saw this and she started walking back to get into the truck. But he drove off really aggressively without even locking the door.

A friend of hers said "If I were you I'd leave right now".

So I started walking faster and faster. I then saw the truck circle back to her and pick her up as I was walking faster. As the truck was moving across the road to where I was... I swear to god i thought he was gonna do a drive by shooting or something. I was so scared. I started running at this point. He never shot me and he just drove past me.

Did I handle that situation okay?

Op u are a losing faggot

>>573732223
You think that's an edgy thing to say?

-------------

My friend introduced me to her and I went to her house. She took me up to her room and she showed me her diary and drawings.

At one point I grabbed her butt and she didn't react negatively to it but I didn't know if I should have made a move or not.

Anyway, instead I told her that I'd like her to come outside with me to meet new people (my friends).

We walked for a long time and I introduced her to my friends and we started talking to them and she said "I'm getting uncomfortable, I wanna go home". I felt that it was her bi-polar disorder and her social anxiety. But she kept saying it over and over. I wanted to cure and said "these people like you". On the walk home she said "No, these people hate me!!!"

I said "No, they liked you" and she said "Really?" and I said "Yeah". Anyway, as I was walking her home she said "I'm gonna freshen up for about an hour" she said "Go to my friend's house and wait for me there". I went to her friends house and her friend called her after an hour.

But she said that she said she didn't want to leave yet. And when her friend called her again she didn't want to come at all. I told her friend what I did and she said I made a huge mistake. That I over-stimulated her. I didn't know this would happen I was just trying to help.

>implying and imply

>>573732939
JORDAN LADIDIADIA or something like that

--------------------

So I was on a bus and it was packed. Anyway, there were 3 black guys on it drinking forties and smoking weed on it. There was also a white girl with them.

Anyway, they started bringing up Waka Flocka the rapper up because they said they say him. So, anyway I started rapping the "Steve-O" song by MGK for a bit and they all started laughing and high fived me.

They liked me rendition. The white girl with them then said to me and to her friends in general "Man, I need to get to know more white guys". "All the white boys I've met so far were braindead stoners, I need to meet a white man".

She kept looking at me for the rest of the ride. And it really intimidated me. I was too scared to hit on her because I was afraid her friends would no longer be friendly with me if I started hitting on her.

>>573733430
got it, thanks

I was having dinner with family and my older brother was over for dinner. Anyway, he was getting into a taxi and I never said "bye" to him in time because I couldn't find my shoes.

My mom was knocking on my window asking me to come outside. She was knocking frantically and it was pissing me off. I couldn't find my shoes and so I just put on some flipflops.

Anyway, the girls next door that just moved in asked if they could meet me since I'm their my neighbour.

So, when I got there my mom said "here comes the big guy now". And that already pissed me off. My brother had already left because I took too long.

And then one of the girl's said "Are you too cool to tell your brother goodbye?"

After they introduced themselves my mom told them how I work out. And this pissed me off again. I gave her a bad look and she said "Oh I'm embarassing him"

They asked me where I worked out and said "What gym?" and I said I work out at home and told them people at the gym usually flex after every set and how I don't like that.

Anyway, they said "Your mom told us that there is a grip track nearby for running" and I said "Yeah".

Anyway, it started raining slowly more and more intensely and my mom then said "Show them where it is". And this pissed me off again like I'm gonna walk and show them where it is and it also put me on the spot.

One of the girls said "It's fine, it's starting to rain".

I tried to talk my way out of it and said "It's just one street over and then you walk left" to playoff and reject my moms suggestion and putting me in an awkward position.

Then I said "Alright, I'm gonna head back in"

Soon after my mom came home too and she said "You treated them so coldly" and she started laughing. She claimed they were interested and I said "NO, they weren't" and asked her to not do that again

>I sit down on the mattress on the floor beside her
>she has a ps3 and she wants to watch youtube videos on her big screen tv
>she keeps picking the songs
>its all Miley Cyrus songs
>she shares beers with me
>she has about 2-4
>I have about the same
>she sort of dances, but she does it sitting down
>she keeps shoving into me to the beat of the music, then taking her hands and full on pushing me off the bed to the music and giggling
>she grabs my jaw and ungrabs it
>she puts her hand over my eyes and I try to break free but she manuevers it
>she accidently headbutts my nose and mouth
>she apologizes
>she tickles and pokes me
>she kept saying "you're being boring" or "stop being boring"
>because I just sat there and took it
>I sort of wrestle with her to change the song and win
>she says "gentle"
>change it to hardcore metal
>she says "this music is too boring"
>play something she'd like instead
>she jams to it, but takes the controller back and plays more girly songs
>go outside with her for a second
>she gets a cigrette off someone and starts talking to me in a corner
>dont know if she wants to kiss
>she says "why dont you hug me or something?"
>i hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek
>I was like "thats how I hug"
>she stays in the corner for a minute longer but then stands out on the sidwalk
>I lightly slap her on the butt as we're walking back to her place
>she nudges me a little with her elbow
>I caress her face cheek for 2 seconds
>she drops the food the sauce she bought for the food she bought
>she's like you're an idiot
>but immediately doesnt care
>go back to her place, she munches out
>she falls asleep eventually
>i lift her eyelid to see if she's really asleep or faking it
>she's really asleep
>I go home

>go up to shake one girls hand
>she bows like she's from the 1700's and says "your highness"
>she seems pretty drunk
>her other friend looks drunk too
>and the guy is pretty drunk too
>I start drinking more
>girl that bowed to me turns to me and says "why is ur voice so deep"
>I steal a line from grand theft auto vice city and say "big cojones"
>she's like "thats the best response I've ever heard " and giggles
>my brother is rolling weed and he says to the other guy "mine are smaller" refering to his rolling papers
>the bowing girl says "you should never say urs is smaller"
>I rub her hand and say "mines big"
>she sort of takes her hand away eventually
>she's like "you know you look a lot like marlon brando, from streetcar of desires"
I'm like "thanks, ive never seen it"
>she's like "see it"
>so she turns to me again and says "when are gonna sing opera, or when are you going into hollywood"
>I forgot what I said, but I disagree with her suggestion I think
>so then I pinch her butt as I poured myself another drunk as I walked by
>she giggles and says "my butt got pinched :D"
>my brothers girlfriend is like "what!?"
>she's like "oh nothing"
>she gets out of her bar stool and just leans over on the table, all excited
>she talks about cheese and crackers at her apartment
>I say "i want some"
>she said "the keys in my loft, just go in and get em"
>go to her loft
>looking for the cheese and crackers, they're not in the fridge like she said
>they're on the table
>her friend comes in and says
>give me some of the cheese and crackers I wanna stay here
>she's like "tell my friend im coming back, but I think im gonna call it a night since its 1 am"
>i say "okay" and hug her
>she's like "oh"
>go back
>bowing girls friend comes back and said she felt bored at the loft
>bowing girls friend asks how old I am
>I say "21"
>she's like really, I feel old, I'm 30

>>573733870
>>i lift her eyelid to see if she's really asleep or faking it
>>she's really asleep
>>I go home
fuckin lawl

>>573734493
>people keep telling me i look like "stallone"
>guy comes up to me, really effeminate fashion designer or something
>he's like "you're so beautiful, but you're also ugly, you're rugged, you cant be too beautiful or you get a big head, you have to also be rugged"
>I'm like "thanks"
>he's like "you look like rocky"
>he's like "google my name on ur phone, I tour with many celebrities"
>I dont wanna google him, since I dont own an expensive iphone that allows that sort of stuff
>he's like "im too ashamed to google myself on my phone"
>his name is very italian so I dont remember it
>he then asks me "so what do you like, girls, boys, children?"
>I'm like "girls"
>he's like "you have to be more on the edge"
>don't know what he meant by that
>he starts complimenting the female models
>and they all seem to know him
>eventually bowing girls friend is smoking weed and giving "shotguns"
>its my turn and she's giving it to me, she stands really close mouth to muoth and I have to breathe it in
>I kiss her on the lips instead
>she leans back out of shock and I get scared she's gonna slap me
>but she's like "i enjoyed that actually"
>but she said "you shouldnt do that though, I could have burned my tongue man

>>573721407

This hurts to read.

>be me 15-16
>at some birthday of a girl I never seen in my life
>me and my friends meet her outside
>all hug her and wish happy birthday
>Birthday Kid is 7/10
>good enough for me but kinda out of my league
> +birthday girls bonus
>all guys around me want her
>it's gettin late, dance floor getting emptier
>i had one of those plastic one way flash lights I got at the entrance
>see birthday girl dancin
>wave with flashligh at her so she is in a kind of "spotlight"
>she gestures with her finger for me to come dance with her
>me young mindless idiot don't get the flirt
>she sees that I'm not coming and dances with someone else
>my buddy watched the whole show
>approaches me and asks me what the fuck is wrong with me
>I realized how much of an idiot I am
>am 20 year old kissless virgin now
>fml

lol dude youre probably just naturally good looking. i would just ask one of these girls to take you to their place and fuck to avoid the whole living with parents topic. given how much pussy is being thrown at you girls would be down

>>573735179
2 WEEKS PASS

just head to her apartment
>really nervous about doing something like this, sort of feel like a creep
>knock on the door while hiding from the keyhole
>her friend opens and says "come in" while not even checking who it is
>I go in
>greet her friend
>girl I was talking about comes out of the bathroom
>she greets me
>she's like "wanna beer?"
>I accept and she gives me one
>she tells me "it's really ballsy of you to come here, I guess u got bored at ur brothers place"
>she cant open a bottle of vodka and gives it to me
>she's like "man job" and we take a shot
>she keeps saying how it must have been so boring at the other apartment
>she's about to go to some private guestlist thing with her friend
>she's asking me and her friend which clothes she should put on
>I'm being quiet and most of my answers are just nodding my head and saying "yeah"
>she says "I hope my place isnt too boring, i know ur brothers place is more boring though :D"
>she starts talking about what christmas decorations she's gonna have at her place
>she asks me what I wnt for christmas

>>573735860
>i say "i dunno"
>I keep staring into both her and her friends eyes, we rarely break eye contact
>she's like "thanks for coming by man"
>"this is just a saturday night at my place :D"
>the taxi has taken more than 40 minutes to contact her, and she's always going into the bathroom to contact the taxi
>i detect her friend is getting suspicous that she's stalling
>she says "this place already had last call lets go somewhere else"
>I suspect this place didnt have a private guestlist
>she keeps saying "what are you gonna do? go back to ur boring brothers place" atleast 3 times
>she fills up a flask full of vodka
>another girl she knows comes in for awhile
>we both stare at eachother, she looks away and giggles
>her taxi is here
>I'm about to leave too
>she and her friend are outside
>I'm still in her apartment
>she leans in and kisses me on the lips
>I kiss back
>she says "well...I hope u dont get too bored at ur brothers place"
>I say see ya and walk away

>>573735762
According to /soc/ I'm 5-6/10 so I'm actually average

>>573735549
why?

>>573736018
doesnt sound like it from these stories. take my advice, you could probably get away with a ton of shit

File: 454353.jpg (95KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

95KB, 640x640px

>>573736507
Here's what I look like (guy on the right)

>>573736018
wow dude you have so so so many opertunities to get laid or get a girlfriend.. but you kinda dont know how to read between the lines.. like sometimes they want you to engage them.. show them that you are the man and that you have balls to get along with her and talk to her

>21st birthday get together
>at my sister in laws
>I'm playing Lion King while sipping a tallboy
>a girl in her late 20's comes in
>she's really hot
>she comes up to me and says "May I sit down next to you?"
>get a little nervous
>she says "Hi I'm Jennifer"
>sister in law says "its his birthday"
>she says "oh how old?"
>i say "21"
>she says "you're shitting me?"
>she asks screams across the room at my sister in law and says "really, you're shitting me right?"
>and she says "no, he's 21"
>she turns back to me and says "oh, you look distinguished"
>feel insulted
>she continues asking me questions like what part of town I'm from
>start ignoring her
>she starts looking at her cellphone for about 5 minutes before she gets up

>>573719852
You are a beta faggot. That was pussy on a platter you fucking idiot.

1) So I just took a huge dump and I hear a knock on my backdoor. I peel the curtain and peek I see a guy and a girl. I open the door and a girl is there and she says "Wow, I thought you were him, are you his brother?". I say "Yeah" She says "Wow he never told me he had a brother, when you looked through the window I thought it was him"

She says "Well, I was gonna ask your brother if he could find some weed for me, do you know anyone". I tell her "Yeah, I do". She asks if she could use my bathroom and I refuse.

I put my shoes on and go outside. Half way there she says "You and your brother are so cute". I brush it off and we keep going.

I get the weed and her guy friend buys it. We all smoke but then she starts talking shit about some of my mutual friends who happen to be thugs. I tell her I'm not gonna get involved. She says "Did you not let me in your bathroom because you took a shit or something?". I say "Yeah". She says "Well I didn't care I really need to go now but I can't cause we're outside".

She walks me back to my place with her guy friend. She's like "You should come by and hang out with my brothers, I never see you". Put my hand on her shoulder because of kino and say "bye".

>>573737348
2) Few days later I'm at her brothers apt. She comes in and sits down across from me. She lights up a cigarette and starts talking to me she says "that guy you saw me with, yeah, he was an asshole". She says "oh, you don't smoke?", she opens up a window and starts blowing her cigarette outside. She stays there for awhile but I don't want really talk back, I'm shy and I don't want to hit on her infront of her brother.

3) Go for a walk a week later. Hear someone calling me, it's her. She comes out of the bar and invites me to sit down with her for a little bit on the patio. She says "I GOT A JOB! I work her now" and we discuss some stuff. She asks me where I'm headed and I tell her "the park". She says "I've gotta head back in...come in for a drink!". I refuse and say "no, I've gotta go" and she gave me a hug.

4) The next week I go to her brothers apt while he's with his girlfriend. He says "hey, my sister likes you". I don't respond and he repeats himself. "she likes you man". Wonder if he meant what I think he meant. Later on that night I ask him if he meant "like like" and he said "yeah, man like you can go for her, but it would be a little weird" he giggles and he adds "she'd probably break your heart". He tells me to get some confidence. He says "whenever I point out a girl is looking at you, you always shut it down"

>>573736953
Was I not being a man?

>>573737549
5) A weeks later. Her older brother drops by and asks me to hang out with him. He calls his sister with my phone and tells her we're dropping by. He takes me to the backyard and sits me down and asks for my phone to text her informing her that we're here. When he was doing that he noticed that she was undressing. And he kept saying "ewww gross". He said "gross look away". And he said "is she looking at us" and I couldn't really tell because I was looking away. But from my peripheral vision I think she might have been. Anyway, when we get there and he asks her for a favor, she says "No" and tells him to leave.

Her older brother said "That's the first time she's said "no", I shouldn't have brought you along". And he also informs me that she likes me.

>>573725260
hahaha holy shit you poor, clueless bastard. Advice for next time that sex just falls into your lap (seems to happen pretty often for a retarded autist such as yourself) If you can't get hard just finger her. Or eat that pussy. And stop being such a bitch about cleanliness

>>573719852
a story of virtue and class.
dont be in places like this if you dont want to do anything!

>>573721407
BACKSTORY:

So I went to my brother's party. I meet a girl (23) there. My brother tells her that I'm his little brother.

So she starts saying this to her gay friend "So, that's his little brother..."

So I feel a little uncomfortable especially since she thought I was in my late twenties... when I'm only 21.

Anyway, she later gets up from the sofa she was on where she was talking to her friend earlier and then she is standing beside me and says "who is cooler you or him?". I say "me". My brother says "come on man, I'm cooler."

She then said "You know, I'm your brother too?". I don't understand. She adds "me and him were born on the same day, same month, same year". I don't get why that's such a big deal, I just say "cool..."

She's later talking about how she likes bars with R&B to me and then she's talking to my sister-in-law while I'm standing there.

She talks about how she always looked for older guys. She asks my sister-in-law how she got into a relationship with a younger man. My sister-in-law says that when she was younger she used to always go for much older men to defend herself.

The girl the mentions how her dad was younger than her mom when he met her. And on their first date his car didn't work, but she said "well that's true love"

Then her friend joins the circle and we're all listening to her. She says "I guess I'm looking for true love, I think I believe in love at first sight"

She then admitted that she reads books on how to "stand out", relationship books and books on LOVE. She feels ashamed.

Eventually she turns to me and starts asking me questions like in which part of town I live and stuff. I answer with one worded answers and I feel she's leading the conversation.

I start feeling bored so I fix my gaze on the TV in the corner.

Eventually she says "Are you here because you had nothing better to do"

I feel upset, but I still answer "yeah, but it's because I'm tired of my friends parties" and she says "fair enough"

>>573736730
you do have that "bad boy" thing going on.

i feel like youre in a really weird place in your life right now. what are you trying to do

>>573737727
like be a bit more self confident.. it seems like girls really do like you, then also act like it. you gotta initiate them like you have to go in for a kiss or you have to be the playfull part.. just take care of the girls and entertain them..

>>573737193
virgin detected

betas don't get pussy handed to them like that. betas have to work for every ounce of pussy they get.

this guy has some legit issues and once he overcomes them he will be unstoppable.

>>573737946
I'm a NEET and I have to do jury duty soon. I got an offer in voice acting but the guy turned out to be gay or something. So nothing really.

>black milf comes starts dancing
>obvious she's had a few drinks
>i'm just sitting down with my friends
>she sees me sitting there
>she grabs my hand
>gets me dancing
>don't know how to dance
>follow her lead
>she says "I notice that you may have troubles/problems" she said something like that
>Is she saying I'm autistic?
>get self conscious
>she says "relax...just enjoy yourself and have fun"
>"stop acting so nervous, you gotta know how to act around girls"
>"you're good looking, stop being so self conscious, stop acting all weird"
>get self conscious that I must be really awkward or show that I'm love shy around women like her
>"let's show em how to really dance" she guides me into holding her while she does all these cool dance moves, making me look like a good dancer
>we're totally insync
>we both bow, entire bar claps for us (they were all 23-50)
>continue dancing
>she makes me grab her butt, grind her, kiss her, and all this other shit and at one point she was like
>"you don't know how to kiss" and taught me
>she tells me that she loves me and she wants to fuck me
>get nervous, I fear since she's older that means she must have fucked more guys, meaning she might have an STD
>get all paranoid
>sneak out of the bar

>>573738346
yeah that one could have been a life changer. if you're going to make a stand, if you're going to ever push yourself, next time a woman does that who seems to understand what's wrong and genuinely wants to help, make yourself go through with it.

>girl is in bed
>I ask her 3 times if she wants to cuddle
>by confirming if she really said "yes"
>on the third time she said "YES!!" in a stop asking me again kind of way
>so I started cuddling her
>i took 4chans advice and started stroking her shoulder
>i eventually start stroking her forearms
>I eventually make it to the stomach and caress that
>then I start lightly slapping, squeezing and caressing her bum
>then i started caressing her boobs and leg
>and then I started kissing her neck
>at this point she turned around to face me, but she still just pretty much laid there
>she kept opening her eye and closing it again quickly, taking little peeks at me
>dont know why shes doing that
>I start rubbing her cheek
>she starts sucking my fingers out of nowhere
>I eventually make her stop and start kissing her forehead and cheeks and making out with her
>she's really tired I guess, and so am I so we both fall asleep
>I then wake up finding her leg inside my legs, dont know how she accomplished this, and her neck tilted in a way so that her head would make contact with mine
>she seems to be awake and pressing her head really hard against mine
>her hands are on her heart
>i pretend to be asleep
>I go to sleep again
>i wake up and find her arm aroudn my body and her leg on me too
>I get uncomfortable cause I'm shoved against the wall and she's really hesitant for making room in my singles bed
>i explain to her that I'm falling off and she turns around
>I'm now cuddling her
>I wake up and hear her saying "ow, ow, ow" and she moves my arm that was around her closer to her hips
>we both wake up and I start caressing her thigh
>I grab her hand and move it to my crotch

>>573738941
>she finds my cock
>she starts jerking it
>her technique is really weak
>so I take her hand and show her that she should be gripping it harder and doing it faster
>she complies
>she's doing it correctly now
>I start rubbing her legs, face, and boobs,
>she wants to interlock her hands with me while jerking me off for some reason
>she grabs my hand and brings it to her chest
>cum
>shes late for school

this is some catcher in the rye shit. you need to find yourself dude

there is kind of one story similar that i can add, fro my past.
>in a bar in nyc, real dive shithole
>black bartender, keeps drinking shots
>cute but not anyuthing really special
>do a shot off her body
>night winds on, my friend shows up
>her shift is over
>go in the back room, wants him to take a picture of me and her for some reason
>i put my arm around her SNAP
>start geting bolder (drunk)
> next pic i lift her shirt, no bra SNAP
> shirt all the way up, tits out. cute nips SNAP
> she gets shy,pulls shirt down, SNAP. cute pic
> we start fooling around a bit.
> she has to go in back room and cash out, kisses me tells me to wait right there
> some time passes, i keep drinking
> more time
> other bartender goes in back room
> comes back out and tells bar the other bartenders passed out back there.
> one more drink and i walk out dejected
>

>>573739712
there was a bar back room with a pool table and a further office way in the back only for the people who work there.

>>573739712
that sucks dude

>>573740143
yeah it sucked. but she was pretty drunk so it probably would have went horribly wrong somewhere along the line anyway.

>>573719852
is this a beta/cringe thread?

>>573721776
Your mate wasn't drinking at the party?
Fuck that sucks, must be so shit being an amerifag