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Okay guys. I'm back. Sorry I had to abandon the last thread.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 136
Thread images: 28

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Okay guys. I'm back. Sorry I had to abandon the last thread.

> Okay /b/ I'm trying to cheat on my gf. I've never done this before and want to try it because I've never had casual sex and want to know what it's like.


I have a bunch of matches on Tinder. I have no idea what to do next.

Also, feel free to convince me not to do this. I'm open to that too.

> pic related
>>
>>572916914
interest
>>
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Feel free to request close up pics of any matches you see.

Just got a new match, will update as they come.

> pic related
>>
Post pictures of girlfriend
>>
>>572917341
>that nose
are you kidding me? this is beyond jewish
>>
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>>572917625
I like Jewish girls. They're very open sexually.

Bumping with match.
>>
>>572916914
Tracy
I.. I think I'm in love! :3 jk you're fugly
>>
Right. The guilt isn't worth it dude, just jack-off and go out to eat with your girlfriend. Be a good person.
>>
>>572917805
I won the roll faggot op deliver
>>
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>>572917474
Not gonna risk it.

Would you rather me describe her?
>>
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>>572917805
This isn't a roll reply thread. I'm trying to get laid faggot.

If you suggest something that could work I'll say it and post photo.
>>
>>572918007
ask her if she can handle a cock the way she handles a mic
>>
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>>572917827
Have you ever been in a situation like this?

I know it's shitty and selfish but I really do love my girlfriend. I'm just terrified of growing up and having never experienced having a fling.

My gf has had more of a sexual history than I have. Not slutty or anything, but definitely more adventurous than my beta status. I don't want to end up resenting her for that.
>>
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>>572918348
Fuck off.
>>
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Bumping with match.
>>
>>572918467
Excuses. You know it's shitty and selfish but more importantly this could eat at you, it's really not fucking worth it. Stop. You're going to hurt yourself.
>>
>>572918467
Holy fuck faggot either break up with her or don't cheat on her. You don't want to resent her because you're a beta fag? Try not being the shittiest of shit then.
>>
>>572919150
post gf, then we can compare
>>
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>>572919314
Doesn't the regret of never trying something eat at you just as badly?
>>
>>572919314
ignore this guy do it faggot
>>
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>>572919582
Not going to risk that. I'm not stupid.

>>572919576
I don't want to break up with her. I really do love her. We've been together for 3 years and I have no intention of leaving her. I just don't want to get old and wonder what I missed out on.

> another match
>>
>>572919985
if you love her, then its not worth it, especially after 3 years
>>
>>572919150
this girl looks cute and DTF judging by her shirt. i say use the straight up approach with this one and profit. just copy pasta what you said last time bro
>>
>>572919150
THIS ONE
>>
I'm not trying to be lame, and I know it seems hot but it's going to suck and I don't think you should do it. It is your life, if you're content being a bad friend/person then go ahead.
>>
How come all of these bitches look like pretentious try hards?
>>
Don't cheat on her you dick. You're worried about getting old and wondering what you missed out on? You're going to get old and die alone and wish that you hadn't been a cheating turd. If you really loved her then you wouldn't need other women.
>>
>>572919985
lol wtf are you me anon, judging from the matches must be a similar age to me and similar gf in respect to time being together and sexual history


I've honestly had similar feelings, and did hook up with a girl in a club once while acting on it.

To be honest i don't believe anything can come of it and just trying to keep things exciting with your gf will be the best thing for you. Loneliness is the only thing that can come from cheating imho.
>>
>>572920508
NYC, gotta be unique man
>>
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>>572920194
Not worth it because of what could happen if she finds out? I would be very careful. Or not worth it because of guilt?

>>572920245
>>572920358
I should really try this approach again?
> pic from last thread, got a lot of shit for it
>>
>>572920987
Try that. If it works, you're good. She's a great choice.
>>
>>572920987
lets see the answer that one gave you, and yea i think its a great approach
>>
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>>572920508
Because I live in Brooklyn.

>>572920394
>>572920524
How do you know it is going to suck? And I don't think this makes me a terrible person. I know it's backwards and selfish but I really want to do this so I can stop having these doubts about my current relationship.

>>572920682
How do you recommend I keep things exciting? If that's a viable alternative that will help me feel better I'd be willing to try it.
>>
>>572920987
I think this would be good if you got rid of the long explanation along with the part assuring them it's ok if they say no. All that stuff isn't necessary and makes it come off a bit desperate imo. They know they can say no.
>>
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>>572921468
>>572921215
Delivering.

Also that last girl didn't reply. Bad sign?
>>
>>572921490
Try travelling, try even small roadtrips that aren't terribly expensive. Even just making an effort to go on a small date would be something nice for her most likely.

That or just try new things in the bedroom, I know it doesn't sound like much but it can help a lot in keeping things fresh! Even something as simple as a passionate make out can revive some old feelings
>>
>>572921942
> The hat

ABANDON SHIP!
>>
>>572922136
it has tits you fucking faggot nigger
>>
The sex will probably be pretty good. I personally wouldn't want to trade a marriage for one night of fun though. I don't think I could live with the guilt and secret keeping for a payoff that small.
>>
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>>572921873
See last pic, I left that part out.

>>572922037
We actually go on trips a lot. Bedroom could do with some spice though, thanks for the advice.

>>572922136
Yeah she's a super hipster.
>>
>>572916914

If you cheat on her you're a pussy. If you don't care about her that much just break up with her and fuck bitches as much as you want. No one's making you put a ring on her finger and you won't waste that much time.
>>
>>572916914
You're an asshole for wanting to cheat. Don't try to pull the "bull I love her!" card. If you gave two shits about her you wouldn't cheat and you know it. That's why you're looking for validation. Now go ill yourself for being a worthless scum
>>
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>See thread
>See OP's ID
>1vs1 season 2
>mfw
>>
>>572922250
I HAVE TITS AND I AM MALE
>>572922341
Omnomnomnom
>>
>>572921490
What part of brooklyn man? I'm out here in Greenpoint.
>>
>>572922483
>>572922630
I'm not looking for validation or to "fuck bitches" I want to know what it's like to have a one night stand. I've never experienced that. I don't want to regret what I missed.

>>572922773
I've actually been messaging this girl, talked to her for a while. She's super cool, but she's not into casual sex.
>>
>>572923453
Aw damnit.
>>
>>572923453
You could do that without dragging your girlfriend into this shit you insufferable piece of shit. She is going to find out and be heartbroken.
>>
>>572923779
Nice ID.
>>
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>>572923373
I'm in Bushwick right off the JMZ.

>>572922685
>>572923962
Holy shit just noticed this haha.

>>572923779
And if she doesn't find out? If I get my closure and things continue exactly as they were? I just want to stop thinking about why I never tried it.
>>
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Also, I know all these girls are hipsters. That's all there is in Brooklyn. I'll take what I can get.
>>
This whole "I don't want to miss out on something" thing is what drug addicts do. You need to reel yourself in because this is self-defeating. You probably aren't sure who you are and are pushing the limits to see how it feels. Well, it's going to feel like shit and you'll have your answer: You're unfit for society, a terrible person people shouldn't like. Is that what you want? Because even if nobody knows you cheated, you'll know, and people are perceptive. They'll see you feeling like shit and leave you. Stop. Relax. Try and fall in love with your girlfriend again, not sexual but real love where you care about her as much or more than yourself. That's so much more than casual sex. You're really going to fuck yourself with this.
>>
>>572924274
I like this one
>>
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>>572916914
op i am in exact same boat as you..
arent you sketched to use tender?

i want to use tinder but im scared someone i know will be on there tell my girlfriend?

so i've been trying to get laid on yik yak while on campus
>>
>>572916914
I'm married and have urges to fuck other hoes. Eventually I did. I loved it. Big tits. Killer oral. Best sex. No regrets. That was 6 months into my marriage. Now we are about to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. I haven't cheated again fully but want to. I constantly sext other girls and shit but no intercourae since the first time. I say do it. Never tell anyone. You can't trust anybody.
>>
>>572923373

Greenpoint reppin
>>
>>572919603
That's just pseudo philosophical bullshit
If you want to be with your gf, why do it
if you want to do it, why be with your gf?
You clearly aren't above hurting her so you may as well leave her first
>>
>>572922341
Would wife
>>
>>572916914
What is tinder and do bitches really fuck you from there? pls respond

*#&**#&*#&*(@&*@&()@*
>to catch the eyes attention
>>
>>572919603
This is a retarded statement, does it eat at you to know that you're never trying to eat the shit of a motherfucking T-rex ?

>in b4 "why a T-rex?"

I don't know why
>>
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>>572924548
Well this is the best argument I've heard for not doing this. I'm really thinking this over.

I don't know. I don't really think about myself in terms of being a bad or good person. I've always lived my life as doing whatever is best for everyone, regardless of what happens that no one knows about. I'm a firm believer in ends justifying means.

>>572924690
I just started talking to her. I'll update you guys if it goes anywhere.

>>572924882
We just moved to NYC so we don't know anyone and the population is so huge it'd be rare. Also I have a very good argument for it being a fake profile. Also she is not a tech person. Doesn't even use facebook or and social media stuff.

>>572924929
This is what I'm imagining it would be like. I love my girlfriend but I've never had excitement like that. I feel like if I don't get it out of my system it will sour what feelings I have for her.
>>
>>572925813
moved from midwest?
>>
>>572924882
This. be careful OP, the second someone notices you game over. I found a lot of people that my ex-girlfriend knows on tinder. Surprisingly, I found a couple of her friends on there that had bf's too.
>>
>>572921942
This is fucking pathetic, no wonder people aren't replying to you.

Start off with something a lot more casual pls
>>
>>572925737
yfw your eyes' attention was caught
>>
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>>572925810
I'm not the only person I know who's never eaten the shit of a T-rex. Everyone I know has had casual sex, even my gf a few times in her past.

>>572925737
That's what I've heard. Trying to find out. No luck yet.

>>572925628
I don't want to hurt her. I don't want her to ever find out. I would hate that. I want to do this, see what it's like, and get back to my life without constantly wondering what I'm missing.

>>572926014
DC area.
>>
>>572925813
I am lucky enough to be from another state than my wife so I cheated when I went "home" to visit my mom for a weekend. Wife wasn't around to catch me. I could do it even in current town but the opportunities are few and far between. I only say go for it if you are sure it can go down without anyone knowing what is your life.

The girl I cheated with was a girl I was obsessed with in high school but never got anywhere. Friend zoned. She knew I was married. I still kinda love her. Anyway she loves me but I'm unsure if I wanna get a divorce and persue a relationship with her. I'm in happy with my wife and life so I kinda want a divorce anyway.

Sorry I got off track. You are lucky that she is just a gf for now. But I totally feel you on wanting to experience more. My wife is a Christian and was a virgin. She's a boring fuck. That's why I want more.
>>
>>572924524
GYPSY DETECTED. Get that shit off here.
>>
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>>572926431
What do you suggest? I have a lot of matches I haven't messaged yet.
>>
>>572926871
I don't at all intend to get caught. I'm very intelligent and my girlfriend is also comletely disconnected from the web world.
>>
>>572925737
>to catch the eyes attention
>>
>>572926871
Mainl the safest bet for me was to never hint or mention it to a single person ever. I know it may seem cool to tell a friend you fucked a hot chick or whatever but don't. No matter how much you trust them do not trust anyone with the info.

Find someone who doesn't know you or your gf.
>>
>>572926986
Start off with
>Am I right?
>>
>>572927448
All the better! My wife uses social media but is generally dumb with it.
>>
>>572926986
>shared interests (1)
>Daily Meme Center

Op confirmed for >le 9gag funny guy
>>
>>572926986
Something really easygoing, more friendly rather than sexual

If you want a casual fuck, you're going to want to casually fuck a bro, not a clinger or a slut

Writing something too sexual will pick up sluts, and anything too long/sweet/sincere will get you a clinger

Saying something stupid like

>Hey, are you new to this app too? I just talked to some of the weirdest fuckers on here and I'm trying to meet up with someone relatively chill

Joking about the weirdos/creepers you "chatted" with here gives her something she can relate to, and making fun of weird people is a great conversation starter honestly

Once you become sort of chill, flirt a bit, throw in that you're not looking for anything more than a little fun here and there, and later on escalate to asking what days she'd be free to meet up and chill at your place
>>
Tinder can be scary man. I met up with a girl who told me straight up she wanted a good dicking. I got to her dorm room and she had 2 dudes answer the door with her standing in the back and tell me to fuck off or else they'd kick my ass.
>>
>>572916914
this thread is autistic and shitty. sage this faggot ass thread rofl op is such a virgin
>>
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>>572926986
>Daily Meme Center
>>
>>572926543
lulz>>572927585

>>572926787
Damn, OP make a thread to confirm
>>
Serial cheater here.

If you're smart and you can do it, do it.

Tips:
>Use a Google Voice number - never your phone number. Your real number can lead to your facebook and then RL dox.
>Have a regular activity that you do that you can blame to go out and get some strange pussy
>Use the notification settings in iOS to make sure that the Google Voice notifications don't get put on your lockscreen.
>Google Hangouts works really well to manage everything
>DO NOT GET AN STD.
>Make sure your gf gets the exact same amount of ass as she was getting before
>As soon as you even have a hint of attachment to another woman, you have to get rid of her without any second thought. Otherwise, your relationship will be over in a hurry.

Have fun fuckin'
>>
>>572916914
Just talk to them normally without any high pressure fucking ultimatums ffs. Also be genuine in interests and music, AKA just talk to them like you would a girl you like ffs.

The last girl I just hooked up with off Tinder It was just all really casual conversation, I simply mentioned I give good massages and she became highly interested from that point about getting a massage, hung out twice good times.

To hook up with a girl off tinder you must first hold their attention, have a place you guys can both meet, and also have a casual reason to go back to your place.

Mine was "I want to show you my art" Or oh theres this move you GOT to see lmao it's really this simple ffs lol
>>
>>572928635
Pro-level cheating - get your gf to want a threesome or get her to fuck other women on her own.
>>
>>572918467

honestly if you really do love her don't do it.
there's a lot to risk if you value her and the relationship.
she could find out, would you be able to deal with her reaction? would you be able to deal with the guilt of having done something that would hurt her? imo if you love her as much as you say you do i think the guilt would be a lot to bare. especially since you seem to know it's a bad thing to do to her.
with casual sex, you're not missing out on much. it's still good obviously but there's risks for STD's and fucking someone you actually love feels better than fucking some random whore you met online.
if i were you i wouldn't do it and risk a 3 year relationship and losing/hurting a girl you love. it doesn't seem worth it
>>
"Miranda, 18, feminist" kek find a nigger while you're at it
>>
>>572927605
I wouldn't. I'm not in this for bragging rights. I'm not lying about anything I say here. I just want to have the experience and move on from there.

>>572927917
I've clicked trap links on sites and I'm too lazy to prune my likes.

>>572928094
I'll try that. GF just got back home though, can't be pulling up tinder in front of her. She doesn't give a shit if I'm on 4chan though.

>>572928152
Yeah someone tried to phish me this morning. Sent me "nudes" that I found immediately in google image search. Called her on it and the profile blocked me.

>>572928560
To confirm what?

>>572928635
How did you learn all this? How often do/did you cheat? How did you feel about it afterwards?

>>572928749
I like this approach, I'll try it. But I can't bring them back to my place. I live with my gf. What do I do about that?
>>
>>572928635
>Google Voice number

youre a bro, thanks

been itching to do this stuff but still paranoid

google voice might be the reason i go for it
>>
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>>572928848
I'd be up for that. And recommendations on how to accomplish this?

>>572929583
I would only actually go through with it if I could be certain she would never find out. I'm very smart.
>>
>>572920987
Good lord OP this is fucking sad. You're sounding like such a lame fuck with that dissertation of a response.

Judging by the girls you're matching with, you're definitely a decently attractive guy. You don't match with hot girls on Tinder unless you are. If I even had half of the looks you have I would be fucking these girls every night. Quit acting like a beta pussy and be original AND sexual in your opening line. No girl is going to want to fuck an overly-polite guy she met on Tinder (at least the hot ones won't). You just sound so fucking unsure of yourself. Be a man and fucking take charge.

Say something like this.

>"Hey how do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?"

Or:

>"Isn't is funny how there's a D in 'fridge' but not 'refrigerator'?" Wait for her response. Then say "You know, there's no D in 'Carlie' either but I can change that."

Just be funny, interesting, and sexual. Girls dig that shit. The fact that you're blowing your good looks on "uhh herrr derr you know i would like to have sex with you but i just want to be safe herrr" angers me. Grow some balls OP.

"
>>
>>572930180
What's RGIII doing on Tinder?
>>
Holy fucking shit nigger. How old are you OP? If I could turn back the clock and get fucking tinder matches like these.. there is no fucking way I'd be sticking with any one girl. Plow through all the pussy you can while you're still young and good looking is the best advice I can give. I'm a washed up old married guy who hasn't gotten so much as a kiss from his wife in 6 years. My tinder matches all got grown ass kids who turn me on more than the matches themselves.
>>
>>572929683
I'm an incredibly intelligent, borderline sociopath who understands human emotion and use it to manipulate people. If you're capable of that, then you should go for it. If you're not worried about cheating and more worried about getting found out, then go for it.

I just moved in with her, so I'm taking a hiatus from strange, but when I wasn't, I was fucking at least 3 women outside of her a week. And I still fucked my gf every day. I had a full-on mistress for over a year and she still has no idea.

I love fucking girls behind her back. Fucking love it. Everything about it is hot. I make my sluts get tested and then I fuck them bareback and don't pull out, even if they're not on the pill. They usually don't know my name and they don't have my real number. I love the risk. I know for a fact I have at least a couple of bastards running around. I just don't care. That's their problem now.

Don't get me wrong, I am an asshole. But I'm also a great boyfriend to my gf, despite the cheating. I give her everything and I never let other sluts get in the way of being for her for anything she could ever need.
>>
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>>572930657

10/10
>>
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you're a piece of absolute shit for cheating on your wife

you make a commitment before you get married dumbass, if you can't keep that commitment then don't get married to her

jesus fuck this is why women hate us, they think we're all cheating assholes just because of this one person
>>
>>572930180
Porn. Talk about what what kinda porn she is into. If she's into girl on girl, send her some webms of hot stuff. She'll become more transfixed on getting tits into her hands. Push her to do it on her own. As soon as she fucks a girl, she'll want you in on it. And you never even will have to ask. It's all about her and not you.
>>
>>572928243
agreed.

fyi tinder is not a ticket to free pussy... yes the 1% of weirdos do exist but generally it's just a online dating site that takes a lot less work to get started on. OKC is better IMHO because girls are not sketched out by being on tinder.

also i'm frankly stunned by the level of white-knight moralizing going on in this thread. people who have never cheated giving expository dissertations on all the problems that will happen when you cheat on a girl. pack a lunch and go find your missing nutsack.

what the fuck happened to 4chan... did everyone with a dick move to reddit after law pix came out?

as for OP, if you're so worried about your gf finding out just buy a hooker. you can have your casual sex with a hot girl, with a lot less time involved, for about $250... (you'll prob pay that much taking a few tinder chicks out on dates anyway...)
>>
>>572930384
Confirmed for giant virgin

Shitty sex jokes are literally the most off putting thing

>>572929683
Trust me when I say just act like a bro, OP. Don't listen to the people who are whining about commitment, I get that sometimes dudes who stay in really long relationships want a night to experiment and that's okay.
>>
>>572930384
>>572930657
Haha yes I am attractive, but I'm also a fucking autist. Diagnosed aspie and everything. I know I'm terrible at this and I appreciate all the help everyone is trying to give me, really.

>>572930738
I have a genius IQ and tend to look at social interactions in terms of market economics. I don't really understand anything else. I don't really understand emotional dialogue very well, but I can run the table in a game of double deck poker. I'm also a very good algorithm programmer.

I don't think I'm a sociopath, just autistic.

If your girlfriend is happy and you are as well, I don't see that as bad. I see that as a successful investment.
>>
>>572931145
Doesn't matter. Had sex.
>>
>>572928094
>LxLxLxLx
those quad cap Ls
>>
>>572931145
We're not married. We have been together for 3 years though.

>>572931380
>Porn. Talk about what what kinda porn she is into.
Can't tell if serious

>>572931745
Are casual hook ups really that rare? I don't want to spend money on dates. If a hooker is the cheaper option I would gladly do that, but that doesn't really satisfy my curiosity for what casual sex is like.
>>
>>572931916
I am both. I run a data analytics firm and do algorithm creation and data viz. But I also have hung around women my entire life, despite being a multi-sport athlete. Dedicate yourself to understanding the logic of emotion and you'll be able to use your talents to devastating effect.

>>572932507
Absolutely serious. Talking about the porn should get you hot sex out of her. Plus you'll learn more about what she likes and then you can use it to make you better in bed with her and also to manipulate her into your kinks slowly as well. And by slowly, I mean over months or years. This takes a ton of time.
>>
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>>572931916
>I have a genius IQ and tend to look at social interactions in terms of market economics.
>>572930738
>I'm an incredibly intelligent, borderline sociopath who understands human emotion and use it to manipulate people.
>>
>>572933206
Please never reproduce. Butthurt is a genetic condition that should be eradicated.
>>
/b/ro, I just got out of a 2 year relationship, cheat and get the fuck out
>>
>>572932507
Why don't you talk to her about it? Bring up the fact that you are interested in the idea of it more than just wanting casual sex, then you can roleplay it or do it with her blessing.
>>
>>572918607
This girl definitely puts out. Go for this one.
>>
>>572933009
I wasn't interested in sex until my first girlfriend basically hit me over the head with it. Now I feel like I have so much less knowledge on the subject than everyone else and that makes me feel at a disadvantage.

In virtually all other situations I'm used to be the smartest, most experienced, most correct person in the room. Sex and romantic knowledge is one of my few deficits.

I'll try the porn thing and let you guys know how it goes. I like your reasoning to it.

>>572933724
Why did you get out of it?
>>
Pussy is pussy you mother fucker. Does it matter who its from? Quit being autistic, you've had a girlfriend for 3 years, and you're willing to risk everything just so you can come to the conclusion that it's all the same. You are literally not missing out on anything. Quit being a scumbag. 2/10
>>
>>572933930

This is absolutely the worst idea ever.

Bringing this kind of shit up without knowing beforehand that the answer will be positive is a 100% guaranteed way of fucking up a relationship for good.
>>
post pic of girlfriend
>>
>>572931840
Unless you're Brad fucking Pitt, you're not gonna get ass on Tinder without sparking their interests first. Even if the sex jokes are shitty, most of these girls haven't heard them. They're gonna think it's funny, and they're going to like you more.

Also, you don't have to use sex jokes. Just be interesting. Write them a fucking poem using their name or something in their profile. Use innuendo. Literally anything is better than "Hey" or "What's up?"

99% of girls see that shit everyday. Why the fuck would using those shitty openers separate you from the rest of the dumbfucks that use them?

And yeah, the numbers, snapchats, and DTF's I've gotten from just playing the game right certainly suggest I'm a virgin. When's the last time you got laid on Tinder, bro?

>>572931916
My bad, OP. If you're actually autistic then you have to work around that. Still, girls like interesting and confident guys. You really don't have to do that much since you have the looks anyways.

Tinder is superficial, vapid, and vain. Treat the app as it's meant to be treated. Most of these girls aren't looking for relationships. Quit overthinking it and just be interesting. Stop thinking about it so much. Just fucking do it.
>>
Describe said girlfriend OP
>>
>>572929683
to confirm that dat shit work whatchu mean
>>
>>572934353

Enlighten us with some good openers for Tinder. I've been using this shit wrong, i honestly can't bring myself to do anything but a bland "What's up" + some compliment about the pictures they put up.

i'm not shitting. I seriously need some good advice on how to actually start a good convo on Tinder... Normally when i can get a conversation going it's pretty good, but when they don't respond i'm kinda lost...
>>
>>572934004
>572934004
Manipulative Controlling Cunt, Who would mentally fuck with me to get me to do what she wants and listen to her
>>
>>572933930
This seems like a terrible idea. I would just rather her not know anything.

>>572934339
No. I'm not risking that. She's as attractive as any of the matches you've seen me post. You'll just have to trust me on that.

>>572934604
She's white, very pretty with a very cute expressive face. Short hair, well toned body. Great hips, tits, and a wonderfully full ass. She's Irish and Welsh, gets freckles in the summer and has perfect teeth.

>>572934353
I agree, jokes seem to be the best ice breaker. I think I've been much too forward so far. Do you have any jokes that work especially well? And don't worry, I don't feel bad that I'm a bit of an autist, from what I can tell the benefits have outweighed the costs.
>>
>>572935147
That was a good move. My girlfriend is great though. I don't want to leave her, and I don't want to see her unhappy. She's beautiful and is very much in love with me. I like everything about her. I just don't like the thought that if I marry her I will have never had certain experiences.

>>572934680
Second this. Desperately need help with breaking the ice and not revealing I'm an autist.
>>
>>572934680
Starting out with something original is important, but backing that shit up once the conversation starts is even more important. These are the ones I used that eventually got them to want to fuck.

>You into bad boys? Because I regularly drive 5 over the speed limit and sometimes eat hot pockets right out of the microwave.

>So we matched on 9/11. Let's make a memory we'll never forget.

>Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, if you'll be the nine

>(This chick's profile said she wanted to be George Costanza when she grows up). Hi, my name is OP. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

>So are we dating now or...

>(This girl's name was Sam) Sam, you're like jam, an adrenaline taste. Your name is so sweet that you make my heart race. But I've got no restraint, like Ray Rice I am quaint, cuz I'd beat up that pussy so hard you would faint.

Again, it doesn't matter what the fuck you say as long as you're interesting. Don't fucking be a boring faggot.
>>
Come on guys don't abandon me. Bumping.
>>
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>>572935639

Just be normal, think what would a normal person say or how would they respond. If you have to think too hard you are doing it wrong. Just try to let the girl know you are interested without coming on too strong and if the moment is right go for it. If she is down she is down. It isn't easy but think about it... every single girl needs to get fucked. You could be next pussy.
>>
>>572936246
These are great, how do you come up with them? My natural humor doesn't come across via text at all. It's very deadpan. People just end up thinking I'm being serious.
>>
>>572935639
What happens when you finally break the ice and hook up? Going to seek others or just play it by ear? Personally I've never been one to casually hook up with girls over the years. Its happened but I find it less satisfying that sex whilst in a relationship. I'm in a similar boat as I've only been in long term relations for the most part. But to each his own.
>>
>>572919603
Cheat on her with this one... NOW

You will regret losing your youthful need to fuck rando pussy
>>
>>572937010
Then I'll either feel like I had the experience or I didn't. Once I feel like I can check it off my "things I've never tried" list I'll be done with it.

I still love the sex in the relationship.
>>
>>572917756
When it comes to initial contact the less you say the better. Cut to the chase and try to plan a hangout right away. If she's just looking for a quick hookup she'll give off positive vibes after, if not she'll be unsure/ a no
>>
>>572934353
I don't have a tinder because I'm not really into weird online hook up things

I'm also not into getting laid because I'm saving the v-card and all that lame jazz

Trust me when I say girls definitely prefer a hey over a weird poem or a sex joke, if the girls you're banging are actually into that sort of stuff, you're bagging some weird motherfuckers.

>>572932489
Anon, it makes me feel warm inside that you enjoy the simple things in life

Keep on keeping on
>>
>>572936805
I didn't come up with the "roses are red" line, but like I said, as long as whatever you're using can have a humorous twist to it, then you're fucking game.

A great way to be funny is to be so over the top that it becomes a bit obnoxious. Self-deprecating humor is great at thsi (only a LITTLE though). It shows that you're confident enough that you can make fun of yourself. Be creative. Think about stupid shit and start the conversation. As I said before, IT LITERALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. JUST FUCKING BE CREATIVE.

Honestly OP there's no way for me to help you be funny. You just have to take a risk. If the girl isn't happy or is pissed off by what you have to say, just move on. It's not that bad. I have 92 matches in two months. Every time a girl decides to not respond or gets shitty with what I say, I just delete them. Get used to not getting so emotionally involved from the get-go. It's the only way you won't become a needy faggot on a fucking hookup app.
>>
>>572937994
I'm going to assume that your response to me was a joke.
>>
>>572938086
This is going to be difficult but I'll try. This if very different from my typical style of humor. I'm actually very funny in person, but in a way that doesn't at all help me online haha.

Thanks for the great advice, you've given a lot of it.
>>
>>572939001
It wasn't?

I don't understand what's funny about not being into online hook ups/constantly getting laid?

What's really not funny though, are about 90% of your opening lines.

The hot pocket bad boy one was good, though, I'll give you that.
>>
>>572939319
I'm not talking about your preference in hooking up.

>I'm also not into getting laid because I'm saving the v-card and all that lame jazz

>Trust me when I say girls definitely prefer a hey over a weird poem or a sex joke, if the girls you're banging are actually into that sort of stuff, you're bagging some weird motherfuckers.

That shit is funny because you, the virgin, are telling the non-virgin what girls like. You aren't in any position to give OP advice on how to get laid (or anyone for that matter) when you haven't done it yourself.

And no, "Hey" and "What's up?" are absolute shit. Girls see it every day and all the time on Tinder. As I said before, unless you're a fucking model, they won't respond to that shit.

Hey, it's your loss. I'm giving you guys great advice. You'll learn one day. Hopefully.
>>
>>572940464
Holy shit

I'm telling you what girls like because I am a fucking girl, dipshit. I don't have sex because I was raised in an FOB Russian family, so I'm kind of traditional about that stuff.

I had a tinder for a solid week and I sifted through all sorts of bullshit messages, and the ones that pissed me off the most were the corny ass pick up lines

Lord almighty the autism is strong in this one
>>
>>572940905
To be fair, your frame of reference is skewed at best, given that you—someone saving their virginity—aren't my target demographic.

Whether or not his methods impressed you is of no relevance given that you wouldn't have had sex with him regardless.
>>
>>572941454
Just because I won't have sex with someone after just meeting them, doesn't mean I wouldn't casually hook up with them (hooking up meaning making out or something).

I'm just saying that if I were to use tinder to find a casual hook up buddy, I'd stay clear of the corny sex jokes

they sound like something a creepy pervy uncle would say honestly.
>>
>>572940905
It's funny. I was actually about to ask if you were a girl because everything you said makes sense.

RULE #1 OP: Never EVER take advice from a girl on how to get laid. Girls never know what they want. And on top of that, the advice they give is awful.

I've had girls say in the past that they're not interested in me. Yet, here I am on this day, able to tell you that I've made out with them, felt them up, fucked, etc. If you're still here, OP, don't listen to this person.

Also, in American society, my way of picking up girls WORKS. My shit probably doesn't work completely in Russia because their society has a different set of values placed upon hooking up and dating. The advice I'm giving works here in America. YOU do not represent American girls. Trust me.
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