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Useless superpower thread? The ability to run slowly instead

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 181
Thread images: 31

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Useless superpower thread?

The ability to run slowly instead of walking and walk quickly instead of running.
The ability to have autism whenerver you want.
The ability of kicking people with your fists.
The ability to control die.
The ability to fly when touching the ground with both feet.
>>
The ability to lead mankind.
>>
>>570953341
Would just put dirt in my shoes so I could fly.
>>
Ability to turn nigger, only in job interviews.
>>
Being autistic whenever you want isn't useless.
You ever see dudes punchin' retards? That's a damn good defense.
>>
The ability to become invisible only when playing a trombone.
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>>570953341
The ability to become a jehovahs witness
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>>570953341
The USA
>>
>>570954062
That wouldn't be useless, that would be insanely fun and badass.
>>
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>>570954220
>>
>>570953341
>The ability to fly when touching the ground with both feet
NIGGA YOU JUST STEP INTO MUD WITH BOTH NAKED FEET AND YOU FLY ANYWHERE!
>>
>>570953341
>controlling die
>not hitting up the casino 25/8
>>
>>570953341
Ability to turn fully invisible when nothing is looking, meaning that if there's a mirror, security camera, etc you can't turn invisible.
>>
The power to shit through your clothes.. but not wipe through your clothes.
>>
The ability to convince anyone about anything, but only if it negatively affects you.
>>
>>570953341
Controlling die could make you a lot of money
>>
>>570953341
>kickpuncher
The ability to taste with your ass
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>>570955309
What's die?
>>
>>570955948
A single dice retard
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>>570953652
kek
>>
>>570955147
Convince super villain to shoot you in the foot and kill himself.

Sounds useful to me.
>>
The ability to bleed out from your anus.
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>>570956090
Am I a retard for being from Norway and not knowing your ways of speech? Am I a retard when I am pretty decent at your language, while you probably don't even know what the word "gutt" means? It means boy. How about this sentense: "Du er en stygg jævel". Can you understand? No. Probably not. Because you can't speak norwegian, i assume. I am the retard? I'll fucking knock you out of the water, you probably barely know your native language you fucking pleb. I hope you see now how stupid and ignorant your comment was. Retard.
>>
>>570956875
>Being this mad
>On 4chan
No, he's right. You're retarded, you autistic Norwegian.
>>
The ability to pass through walls, but only half of the time and while running full speed.
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>>570957118
Go fuck yourself you retard.
>>
>>570953341
>Duct tape some concrete to my shoes
>Infinite flight
>>
>>570957231
The ability to fuck yourself.
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The ability to break anything not made of atoms
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>>570953341
The ability to turn coke into Pepsi
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>>570957231
>Stll being this mad
>>
>>570953341
>implying an autism toggle would be useless
Dude you could probably learn a new language or be good at maths or some shit. And if that doesn't work out you can just stop when you like.

How about this?
>be born with a lot of money, have a partially amputated dick
>>
The ability to time travel forward in time at the normal time scale.
>>
>>570956875
>>570957231

The ability to hinga dinga when you should have durgenned.
>>
The Ability to turn Gold into Tofu
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The ability to glow in the dark but only when in direct sunlight

The ability to hate any beverage that you want at any time, so much that it makes you vomit to see it

The ability to taste like metal

The ability to walk through lava without harm, but only when you're asleep
>>
>>570957815
Max kekkage
>>
The ability to never poop soft shit for the rest of your life.
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>>570958140
I hate soft shit, so I'll take this. You hardly ever have to wipe dry shits.
>>
The ability to instantly teleport anywhere but you only get the correct destination 50% of the time

The ability to become completely defenseless

The ability to run at the speed of light but only backwards

The ability to turn your body into water, but you can't control the water

The ability to turn your skin invincible but everything but your skin is still vulnerable meaning you can still break your arm from an impact.
>>
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The ability to hack any security protocol, but only from this computer.
>>
>>570957406
Kek'd
>>
The ability to grow a sandnigger siamese twin on your stomach
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The ability to turn fish into bread

The ability to turn water into wine

The ability to revive three days later for a short period, but only when dying a gruesome death

oh wait lol that's jesus

useless trash
>>
>>570953341
You forgot
>the ability to fly while touching your self
>>
>>570956875
Nowiggin? Prolbly a fukin qweer.
>>
>>570958964
>>570957406
Kek
>>
>>570958751
turning water into wine could make you a billionare.
>>
The ability to rape anyone, but only when they want it.
>>
The ability to kill yourself and then come back to life
>>
>>570953341
the ability to teleport into the sun.
>>
>>570958072
The ability to glow for a few hours after snapping your neck
>>
>>570957478
That's useful. Find a place that has coke on sale, buy a ton, turn it into Pepsi, and return it for profit. I assume you can also change the written word coke into Pepsi, so just alter the receipt too.
>>
The ability to forget where you put your keys
>>
make birds levitate
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>>570957815
Forty keks
>>
The ability to turn yourself a letter of the Russian alphabet
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>>570953341
loooooooooooooool
>>
>>570960534
dont fucking come back to this site you tremendous faggot
>>
The ability to grow a beard and speak Arab but only at Airport Security
>>
>>570953341
>The ability of kicking people with your fists.

If I had this power I wouldn't consider it useless. If I could punch you with the force of a kick then I would value that power a great deal.
>>
the ability to read your own mind
>>
the ability to become extremely attractive to the opposite sex, only while you are shitting
>>
The power to turn into a resin scale model of yourself
>>
>>570953341
the power to turn invisible at will, but you suffer blindness while you do it (because no light reflects off your corneas)
>>
>>570961141
some people are into that kind of shit
>>
>>570961141
colostomy bag
try again
>>
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>>570953341
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDbOUbHbFx8
The power of Jesus...
>>
The power to bleed every month for 3-5 days
>>
>>570953341
The power to believe anything
>>
>>570954062
I play trombone, this would be fucking great.

>the ability to control fire, but only while underwater
>>
>>570961928
thats called religion
>>
>>570953341
the ability to always take clean shits. think of how much time you'd save!
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>>570962073
I know....
>>
>>570953341
>when you bust a nut and she keeps sucking
>>
The ability to shit at will but only at 50,000ft in the air
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>>570962375
I guess if you have to shit why not take one on Mount Everest?
>>
The ability to increase body temperature but only in hot countries
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>>570953341
>The ability to control die.
Vegas, baby!
>>
>>570961818
kek
>>
>>570956875
Smells like fresh pasta
>>
>>570962248
That is in no way a useless super power. This is the voice of experience, as I am in the middle of a catastrophic, beef stew, double flusher. Planning on showering after. TP is no use, this foe is beyond me.
>>
The power to get really mad at something on the internet.
Also http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Special:random
Random page for your superpower
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>>570960120
I have this power.
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>>570963102
We're pulling for you /b/ro. Just hang in there you'll get through this.
>>
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>>
>>
>the ability to be invisible if nobody looks
>>
>>570964963
>>
The ability to turn black whenever a cop sees you
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the ability to have x-ray vision but only when its completly dark

the ability to be a terrific polka dancer, but only to salsa music

the ability to be the worlds best triangle player

the ability to fart through your mouth

the ability to change into the form of a bird but only when underwater

the ability to detect if other people lie by sniffing their assholes
>>
>>570965073
already proven useful in a movie.
>>
>>570957231
>tfw norwegians are all autism
>>
>>570965324
how? which movie?
>>
the ability to grow fingernails hahahaha i saw it on family guy lol :P
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The ability to uncontrollably grow tumors.
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>>570957909
>shake hands with someone that's wearing a gold ring
>ring turns into tofu
>topkek
>>
>>570953341
being autistic when you want is like getting a 300% concentration boost whenever you want. That's a nice superpower
>>
>>570962068
Get a bottle of water and hold it over your head. Dont even gotta get wet
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>>570956875
>>
>>570965501
1999 Mystery Men.
his power also includes "only himself not his clothes".
Alongside the man who is incredibly accurate at throwing cutlery, and the guy who is able to get really really angry but not actually any stronger.
>>
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>>570956875
>>
>>570957448
Break peoples faith in religion and the world gets on and we live happily ever after?
>>
>>570966482
lack of faith in religion is basically the basis for all religion based wars, "YOU ARE A THREAT TO THE THING I WANT TO BELIEVE IN BUT CAN'T DO SO FIRMLY WHILE YOU LIVE!!!!"
>>
>>570960664
>tremendous
Check out this nerd using big words. Hey mister ivy league go do math or some shit. Lol
>>
>>570966858
>insulting someone for using a word he didn't understand.
You photosynthesis
>>
>>570966858
lol I study math and I think 'tremendous' is a normal word, are u a nigga
>>
>>570967295
Kek
>Hydrochloric!
>>
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>>570956875
calm those jimmies, silly nord
>>
>>570966858
>Acting like tremendous is such a big word to anyone past fourth grade

Also

>Saging because you think we don't know who you are
>>
>>570962068
control fire? Just go underwater and control fire above water
>>
>>570965270
>the ability to detect if other people lie by sniffing their assholes

useful in a relationship
>>
>>570953341
The ability of super strength but only works on niggers
nevermind, you said useless superpowers
>>
>>570968126
Also, power thing:
>The ability to hold your breath unless you're wet
>>
>>570969010
Shit.
>The ability to hold your breath UNDERWATER unless you're wet
>>
>>570965705
bye bye sides
>>
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Being able to kill a random ant somewhere in the world every friday.
>>
>>570957815
You hinga dinga when you durgen, you're gonna have a bad time.
>>
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the ability to become superman but only while you have kryptonite wedge 3ft up your colon

>>570966245
i was trying to remember what i saw that spoon throwing nigger on.
>>
>>570953341
>The ability of kicking people with your fists.
dude that is fucking insane, punching with the force of a kick? holy fuck yes
>>
Ability to be a GLOWING NIGGER
>>
>>570953341
ability to be able to go back to the past only to relive embarassing moments without altering them.
>>
>>570961057
Is it wrong that I could use this?
>>
>>570969845

Looks like the Cloverfield monster.
>>
>>570953341
the ability see see through perfectly clear glass
>>
>>570969615
Useful
>Friday afternoon
>President sleeping
>Allergic to ants
>Ant about to sting him
>antnon is dead
>governmental system saved
>>
>>570953341
The ability to grow an already sprouted blade of grass one cm in height once every 18 months
>>
The ability to stop time for only unnoticeable fractions of a second
>>
>>570969145
Acquire wetsuit
Go diving forever without oxygen tank
???
Profit
>>
>>570956875
Norwegians and Swedes learn English from grade three up, though.
>>
>>570970702
Touche.

Got another one then: You can smell anything, but it has to be touching your nose.
>>
>>570970975
What is the sense of smell?

>we already have that power
>>
>>570965238
Useful if you need to be arrested immediately
>>
>>570962073
Actually it's called being a tumblr user.
>>
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>>570962073
>>
>>570971215
>Exactly
>>
>>570970225
>ant
>sting
>whut
>>
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>>570957140
fukken gold
>>
>>570961252
kek
>>
>>570971653
Ants sting. The only reason they bite is to pull up a bit of meat so they can sting it easier. It's never the bite that hurts, but the venom.
>>
X-ray vision, but it only works through glass.
>>
Since im the op, i might as well dump these -
>>
>>570972517
>>
>>570972593
>>
>>570972680
>>
>>570957140
>wear protective clothing
>try a few times to get inside a vault

There are no useless superpowers else they wouldnt be super.
>>
>>570972757
>>
>>570972892
>>
>>570972974
>>
>>570973173
>>
>>570973271
>>
>>570973271
last
>>
The ability to run faster than light.
>>
>>570972062
I learned something about ants today
>>
>>570953341
The ability to cum when you want to during sex, but only when your parents are watching.
>>
The ability to punch through solid objects.
>>
The ability to talk to animals and get them to do anything.
>>
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>mfw this is my best thread
>>
>>570973906
Yep. That's why when you look at the little shit, it's all curled up. It has to pass its ass-needle under itself so it can attempt murder.
>>
The ability to breathe in space.
>>
>>570974113
How is this useless?
>>
>>570973943
Very useful power what the fuck are you talking about
>>
the ability to have superhuman strength but only if you are absolutely still.
>>
The ability to morph into any object
>>
>>570973943
>>570974113
>>570974331
>>570974489
>The power to speak about the opposite subject
>>
the ability to become an stoppable force but only against an immovable object.
>>
>>570974406
>>570974342
>>570974705
I'm trying real hard here, this my first time give me a break.

>the ability to kill cancer, but only with your mind.
>>
>>570953637
You are a problem solver.
>>
>The ability to control human milk
>>
>>570975058
>just think about killing cancer
You'll get the hang of it.
>>
>>570953652
lol
>>
>>570975058
let me help.

the ability to kill cancer with your mind, one cell per day.
>>
>>570959895
I would have so much fun with this.
>>
>>570975465
K let me try.

The ability to see without light, but only if its dark, one cell per day.

Did I do one???
>>
>>570975619
Oh my god yes
>"Hi mom!"
>" Oh, you came to visit! How-"
>*BANG*
>anon is dead
>no
>>
>>570957801
does this imply not aging while time traveling per the laws of relativity? cause that would be useful
>>
>>570953341
to be able to turn into a rich white gy, but only in a welfare office, and you revert back to your own self after you leave.
>>
>>570954220
Nice one, you come up with that yourself, fuckface?
>>
>>570956875
Norway is shit
>>
The ability to feel your dick in your own ass everytime you fuck a girl
>>
>>570957406
What is masterbaition?
Thread posts: 181
Thread images: 31


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