[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Extra juicy! | Home]

Tell us how close you came to dying and tell us how edgy it was

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 264
Thread images: 54

File: 1407974589931.gif (2MB, 156x117px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2MB, 156x117px
Tell us how close you came to dying and tell us how edgy it was

gif not related but related
slip one wrist (but actually down the arm along the vein) in a dorm bathroom, had second thoughts and left the other alone. hated myself for the attempt, but have moved on with my life.
>He looks at OP, Is he a fag too?
>OP Looks back.
>He whips his dick out, and rapes OP
>OP has a cock trap, he nearly gets a fenis.
>He severly injures OP for hours.
>OP realizes:
Sat on my bed with a rifle on my lap.

>be two years ago
>wake up in a hotel
>I'm in a bathtub
>left there about three days
>shat and pissed myself
>couldnt get up cuz tied awkward
>managed to get the water on to drink, but it was difficult
>overflowed tub and almost drowned
>whole day spent in the water
>cant fall asleep or ill drown
>someone knocks on door and i scream for help
>hotel manager opens the door and finally helps me out

they still havent caught the guy. i remember bits from the night before, guy who did it had been messing with me for a long time.
File: almost_dead.jpg (863KB, 1026x2000px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
863KB, 1026x2000px
I got struck by lightning, hit by a car, and fell out of a ~30ft tower onto bare ground.

i ain't even mad tho
Was going to call bullshit, but then you have photos to back it up.
almost died from alcohol poisoning once.

genius friend poured epicac down my throat to induce vomiting since we were no where near a hospital and stomach pumping was not an option. probably saved my life

>not proud
it wasn't all at once btw
What bits do you remember from the night before?
I never understood how you can get alcohol poisoning. I always pass out before any of that could happen. I'm guessing other drugs are involved?
>be kid
>be afraid of dark
>sleep with head under covers
>dream about mario kart
>motor in mouth during dream
>can't breathe
>wake up
>suffocating under covers
about 2 years later:
>be me
>6th grade
>bullied to shit
>not even an easy target
>no friends
>try to hang self off of lofted bed w/belt
>knot tying skills are that of a 6th grader
>mom finds me
so began my quarterly bouts of cathartic faux-suicide
Fortunately I grew out of autism in mid high school, though most of my friends never did, so I bounce between an unhealty, almost sociopathic college lifestyle of gateway drugs and hookups and the occasional home visit of Nerf fights, sober parties, perma-virgins and otakus.

I was at a bar with some friends, and at some point the mofo showed up. I remember being on a bus, but i dont remember him being on it with me, but at that point i was wasted but shivering, which was weird cuz it was summer

the hotel room was the one right next to the one he used to rent. got a restraining order after this.
Drowned at age 4. Brought back by mum thru cpr. Drowning is terrifying.
I jumped off a high rock at a local waterfall. Not one that people generally jump off of, you have to do some climbing to get to it. Maybe 60-70 feet up.

I had heard about the illusion where it looks like you could overshoot easily because you expect a linear jump rather than a curved trajectory which quickly shoots right down. It didn't matter, I fell for it. I was afraid if I jumped too far I would hit the rock face opposite the jump.

So I went at about 1/2 strength running, little more than a standing longjump. About halfway down I realized that it was far too little. I hit the water about 1 and a half yards (1.3 meters or so) from a rock behind me. Wayyy too fucking close at that height.

not real interesting, but that's mine.
slowly wasting away
weeks left to live

it was pretty fucking edgy.
File: egg-yolks.jpg (51KB, 620x445px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
51KB, 620x445px
holy shit anon. that is magnificent. +2 for your mum!

i choked on a hard-boiled egg yolk when i was 4, mum heimlich'd it out as i was turning blue (according to my brother who was there) and i haven't been able to eat one since.

drowning must be the absolute worst
Was walking around NYC when I was 16 during a family vacation, daydreaming like a fucktard, and was an inch away from getting hit by a car.
What cancer?
File: image.jpg (1MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1MB, 3264x2448px
Took a .32 round into the appendix, someone was supposed to get whacked, I caught the bullet. The guy eventually got whacked and I got some flowers in the hospital from the guy who ordered it, medical bills paid for and all and a nice sum of money for college. Pic related
Mums are the shit m8 for those fortunate enough.
And drowning is pretty much how you expect it to be. Struggling to breathe, inhaling loads of water instead, desperately reaching for something to pull you out. Didn't see any light at the end of a tunnel, it was more like suddenly remembering major events in your life and then falling asleep. 1/10 would not experience again.
>be young nigga
>walking on the streets with family
>sign says it's okay to walk
>yanked off feet
>Car zooms right past where I was about to be.
>mom saved my life
>fuck that driver, man
yeah no shit, on both points. and holy shit about the whole "remembering major events in your life" when you're only 4
This meant for this>>563241257
>find grandmas medical stash
>take full bottle of tramadol
>first time taking them, good rec. High
>use them for a few days
>tolerance goes up
>take more because of tolerance
>take 20 one day while high
>also take a few shots of jaeger
>seizure starts about 10 min later
>goes on for a bit and puking blood/vomit
>everything goes black but I remember being in a car and going to hospital.
>wake up and have to stay for at least a week
>felt like shit for a long while, stomach killing me
I think it was close to dying, I felt the worst I ever felt.
that's crazy fucked up, and crazy classy too, in a weird way. i don't know if you're lucky or unlucky tbh
Why would you not just google dosages first?
>have SVD, bradycardia and unexplained hear arrhythmia's.

>Not uncommon for hear to start skipping beats in an episode.

>sometimes it skips a few and I lose my vision and begin to hear a ringing. My entire existence felt as if it was diving off a cliff into a bottomless void.
Why was the guy supposed to get whacked and how did you end up catching the bullet?
*SVT - my bad
I've come close to dying twice.
Survived lethal doses of carbon monoxide poisoning in my bedroom for a year in highschool.
had some idiots knock me out and kick me in the head repeatedly while I was out, I still get headaches from it but otherwise I'm ok.
Not really that edgy.
>Od'd on my bipolar meds (lol)
>intended to die in my sleep
>wake up in world of shit
>all of my senses are dull or entirely numb
>can barely see
>realize I'm an idiot
>get out of bed to look for help
>fall on my face
>cant walk
>crawl to fellow floor mate's room (college dorms)
>calls ambulance
>throwing up followed by dry heaving forever

Hospital, psych ward, etc. Almost died. They thought I had permanent brain damage. Couldn't talk or walk right for a few days, but eventually made a full physical and mental recovery
In a weird way, I want to go work for them, those who wanted to whack the guy, it's less criminal than what the banks are doing to people nowadays
I did a little light asking for curiosity and he had his hand in the till. I looked like the guy and it was dark out
I took over 220 mg Adderall over a 24 hour period, then drank about 3 bottles of wine, 1 bottle of blue curacao, and just beer, all the while masturbating and smoking cigarettes and taking bits of adderall.

I literally thought I was going to die for a while. Heart whacky, etc. Full-on paranoid hallucinations. Psychotic sadness and happiness. I drove in that period. At least twice.

I've before and since been a candidate for death in various ways (wrecks, drugs, people doing shit, etc.), but never have I been so convinced of my mortality as that night/day/night/day.
>In a weird way, I want to go work for them
don't be ridiculous. go about your life as planned and stay the fuck out of crime/living-and-dying-by-the-sword shit
Op is a fag
Respect. That's something they gave me. Something I like. They didn't have to help me out. They called the ambulance and left quick, but not without getting me on my feet again. I like that. Sure I got shot, but they fixed the mistake. And that's fucking commendable.
>shooting people for money, which is not real, is commendable
and now you can go about your life. don't a be whore.
>Almost crushed to death by a falling tree branch as a youngin
>fell asleep while driving and woke up just in time to swerve out of oncoming traffic
>Liver failure after a night of smashing pills, red bull, and alcohol like a champ. Still a good night. Kek
> Almost drowned when learning to swim. Shit tossing a child into the deep end will never be a good idea
EFP almost took my head off but luckily my squad leader told me to get below the shield right before the explosion.

File: craze.jpg (195KB, 1000x548px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
195KB, 1000x548px

The worst part was the hallucinating. I was certain I was going to die. I, about 24 hours later, while withdrawing, still drunk and a bit high, literally lost my mind in a paranoid panic attack that was, luckily, assuaged by my 2 close friends.

I literally lost my mind. Terrifying. Interesting. I've sense been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but I likely had that all along.

I just... felt so weak at the end. I'd been in and out of sleep for months before, steadily ramping up my Adderall and alcohol intakes. Ended in 2 blowouts.

Hell, I'm on a bit of Adderall and rum now. But relatively under control. I'd take nothing if I could. Now I can't sleep, though. Out of Ambien. Alcohol does the trick at times, but the sleep is bad.
The rectifying of the action is dipshit

>Be 17 living in mid/southern Mexico after leaving home in the Midwest to "find myself before college"
>work at a Señor Frogs in Puebla as a bartender
>stupidly decide to go out with the bouncers after work
>get taken to some shithole stripclub called "La Cosa"
>literally have to step over two whores scratching each others' eyes out on the ground on my way in
>be the only white guy that's ever set foot in the place
>get way too much attention from the awful-looking strippers there
>be approached by three fuckers who all look like Danny Trejo
>look to my bouncer posse for help
>realize bouncer posse are all GIGANTIC FUCKING PUSSIES
>get told I'm not welcome there... or in their entire country
>leather vest is pulled aside and gun is flashed
>hear least-stupid of bouncer posse lie and say I'm the son of the commander of some U.S. Military something-or-another
>breathe a sign of relief as lie is enough to make extremely frightening Mexicans go back to their table
Just proves they suck at their job and would end up getting you killed.
>whoops wrong guy
>it's ok I shot him in the appendix instead of you know the head or the heart
>why....ok fuck it let's pay for his medical expenses
>won't that link us directly to the crime?
>eh fuck it
File: que.gif (483KB, 173x142px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
483KB, 173x142px

Cool story. Any others from your time down there?
>be 10
>4th Grade
>One day my side starts hurting like a bitch
>Tell Art teacher
>"Go to a haspitahl"
>Tell mom and dad
>Mom says dadll take me in the morning
>On the way to hospital
>remember my Scholastic Book orders are due today
>Cry because im a bitch and saved up for a book
>Dad says hell buy lunchables for my lunch when were done
>Stop crying
>Hopeful for lunchables
>At hospital
>Do scans and Make me drink fruit cum smoothie
>Almost throw up cause its some nasty shit
>Do more scans
>Send me to another hospital cause it might be appendicitus
>13 hours before it ruptures
>tfw no lunchables
>At kids hospital
>they bring in a bunch of pedophilic clowns to make me happy
>take me to surgury
>Let me choose Knockout flavor
>Tropical Fruit cause im a fruity muthafucker
>Wake up
>Bandages on my stomach and near my Vag
>Stay at hospital for two weeks to make sure
.>Get sent home
>tfw still no lunchables
2 Days later
>Start throwing up a lot
>Like a lot
>Cant move much
>Hard to breathe
>Mom freaks out and calls doc
>He forgot to give me antibiotics during surgery
>Back to hospital
>More Vitamins and shit
And after the hospital they wanted 14,000 dollars because of a mistake they did
Better than getting blown away by some fucked cop who thought you were a dog
>Bandages on my stomach and near my Vag
So how about them tits huh?
File: vF3Yt.gif (205KB, 160x120px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
205KB, 160x120px
Almost became an hero with an AR-15, pussed out, almost became an hero again with a 1911, became an pussy faggot instead again; almost bled out from cutting myself up on all those edges
well christ. i had a similar experience getting my 'pendix out. for 6 months after the surgery i kept losing weight and getting sick, until they finally realized they never gave me probiotics.

apparently the crazy antibiotics they pump into for like 2-3 days when you have an infected 'pendix kills all the bacteria in your gut, so you basically can't digest food anymore. because of this they give you a regiment of probiotics after surgery to get your gizzards up and running again. i never got those (whoops)
File: smile.png (792KB, 675x530px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
792KB, 675x530px



Only surgery I've had is..... tonsils. And my stomach pumped as a kid, but whatever.

I thought I was dying once. Had a fever that was horrible and no access to a doctor. I left my campus doctor's office crying with a script for bullshit.

Ended up shutting myself in my dorm and enduring a serious fever. I hallucinated for hours. Swine Flu that year, I recall. The hallucinations were good, my state was horrible until I got better. I actually could've died there.

God bless motherfucker.
When I was 3 I ate some trail mix at the red carpet club at an airport. Turns out I'm allergic to peanuts and tree nuts and I went into anaphylaxis (deadly reaction to allergen, throat closes up, hives, etc). Parents took me to the hospital and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and stuck my mom and I in some back room. I was turning blue when a doctor gave me shot of epinephrine and saved my ass.
Even good criminals end up getting shot by cops or arrested eventually, what makes you think these goombas are any different?
A) Can't even kill a man properly
B) Can't even identify a man before killing him
C) Not even attempting to be sneaky about killing people.
D) They let you run around talking about them and they haven't killed you yet.
Just get a real job before someone puts a hit out on you and you get your neighbor shot in the foot.
>wake boarding
>wakeboard hits me in the head
>wake up in hospital
File: fuck crabs.jpg (105KB, 580x735px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
fuck crabs.jpg
105KB, 580x735px

Boring. Commit or shut up. Leave ONE SPECIFIC avenue for meaningful intervention if you want. If not, don't allow for future puss-out. Use better drugs or better methods of self-harm
What kind of meds were those? Lithium or Lamictal sure can't do that. Also, why'd you wanna kill yourself? Something in particular or just because of a depressive episode? Think about your parents' well-being the next time.
>white guy "finding yourself"
>not "finding yourself" in Western Europe or the USA or some country where the law is on your side
Well, one time I spent over an hour with a black person
Why the fuck would I talk, they helped me out, sure they shot me but why the fuck would I rat them out.
Mortar hit right beside me. I have no idea how I wasn't turned into swiss cheese. Accurate indirect fire is fucking terrifying.
>talked back to my dad
File: 1402539334375.gif (2MB, 318x241px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2MB, 318x241px
I meant the metaphorical edges, m8e; I don't do the cutting bullshite
did u get raeped
File: fuck.png (202KB, 500x383px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
202KB, 500x383px
>Be me after medication adjustment
>Speeding like a jackass
>car decides to say fuck it
> swerve, hit curb, flip car
>GF dies in surgery
>multiple broken bones, head/organ trauma
>Go to prison for 2 years
>Come back and 4chan is queerer than a motherfucker
You just did.
Plus if you know what happened and who did it that means at least 20 other poorfags know as well and the first time the policia or whoever the fuck you're dealing with in your local area catches one of those 20 poorfags they'll turn state's evidence and blammo, no more gang.
Unless you're from mexico or some third world hell hole where cops don't exist, in which case just replace "cops" with beheaders
Just pray to the lord and savior jesus critht and maybe one day youll feel his salvation climaxing your prostate
File: nigel.gif (2MB, 432x346px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2MB, 432x346px

I'm saying literally don't cut yourself.

Leave no avenues if you actually want to die.

If not, reach out or totally leave where you are.

If not, attempt suicide with avenues that lead you to obvious veins of health.

that's all
File: hatchetman.jpg (8KB, 199x254px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
8KB, 199x254px
>Be walking to a corner store to buy some faygo
>Its still a green light lots of cars on the busy street
>Refuse to wait for the light and run out without looking get hit by some white nigger loving whore her nigger in the driver seat they dont even check on me as im laying in the street
>Long story the ambulance comes even tho im perfectly fine
>Before they wheel me into the ambulance I throw the wicked clown up yelling "YOU CANT KILL A JUGGALO THAT EASY"
u wot?
avin a giggle m8?
I lived there for three years. So many fucked up stories, I could write a book of my dipshittery. Thankfully, everyone was corrupt as hell, and you could buy your way out of anything. Stolen car going 40 over the speed limit with no lights on at night? Paid off the comp with what was roughly $7 US.

Here's a charming little story that isn't about me almost dying (as per OP request) but since you requested:

> be invited to some cool modern club in Mexico by guitar teacher
> get local friends to go with
> get along with little tight-bodied waitresses really well
> LapSatOnAllEvening-GoodTimesHadByAll.gif
> go back a couple times
> finally ask cute little tiny-tittied waitress to go home with you
> be told not tonight... but maybe next time
> next time arrives
> take her home
> have waitress be prudish in bed and demand to keep dress on and run the show
> it's all good--sex was had
> ride back with cutie all the way to her place, making out all the way
> drop her off and shitty giant apartment complex and note which apartment she lives in
> SlightlySmitten.gif
> have club close down within the week
> wonder how you'll see her now
> bring flowers to her apartment
> hear television inside, but get no answer
> go there the next day
> and the following week
> never get an answer at the door
> BadFeels.gif
> be 5 years older
> fuck a girl in the ass for the first time
> realize something feels familiar
> think about it for a minute...
> realize "Oh shit... that was a dude."

Ah, Mexico. I will not fucking miss you.
>to buy some faygo
What part of animosity of this site do you not get? No names were drop, nor location. Are you fucking retarded? Talking would mean going to the police. I didn't do that now did I?
Oh, I gotcha. Yeah, the whole becoming kill thing doesn't appeal anymore; my guns are my friends again
File: hatchetman.jpg (141KB, 447x632px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
141KB, 447x632px


And even if we do...

We'll never die aloooone.

2 scoops of whoop
File: awwyis.gif (1014KB, 500x269px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1014KB, 500x269px
10/10 did not see coming

Did one of these one time from the wind coming off a semi truck when I was passing it.
1:00 mark
fractured skull and had a craniotomy done. i fell 15 feet on to concrete when i was 17 and wasted. i would have bled out over night when they found me if it wasnt so cold out, they said i was like 2 hours away from being kill

If true, you're a poet.

Excellent story. For the sake of the internet's health, I prescribe more of this.
Well, you just hinted that you have knowledge of a criminal organization that is at the very least involved in murder. One that can afford to pay your medical bills and put you through college on a whim. Assuming your story is true and assuming there's any police/government spooks in the thread you're at least going to draw attention. Not a very promising start to a criminal career imo.
When I was five I was riding my dirtbike out in an open field with trails behind a friends house. Wasn't able to turn very well, went off the trial down about a 5 foot hill before running into a barbed wire fence. If the fence wasn't there I would have fallen about 40 feet into a creek, fence was electric, but was turned off.

Yeah. I care about people who want to die. I also care that they'd harm themselves worse, or their associates worse, through poor execution.

I usually wish luck on this sort of thing, and advise how to do it minimally, but I prefer giving people a way out, and people preferring a way out.
>on 4chan
>actually giving a shit about their jobs
>implying they don't perpetuate crime
What is operation fast and furious
I'm tempted to call you a fag, but in memory of Robin Williams, I'll realtalks; you're a pretty cool guy, anon
A board game where you try to put Paul Walker back together again?
File: 1369095896801.png (331KB, 500x532px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
331KB, 500x532px
File: my sides.gif (2MB, 420x315px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
my sides.gif
2MB, 420x315px
File: 1402544205764.gif (2MB, 615x413px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2MB, 615x413px
this fucking guy
File: image.jpg (34KB, 292x257px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
34KB, 292x257px
File: get_rekd.jpg (50KB, 428x321px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
50KB, 428x321px
> Be 12
> At Grandparents cattle ranch in Montana
> Take a stroll to a creek 3 miles into the Rockies by myself
> Gravel road destroyed from recent flooding, holes all over the god damn place, walk through thick forest and 2 pastures
> Collecting bad ass rocks on the way to impress my brother (He was studying to be a geologist) Pretty sure I found an arrowhead
> Enjoy the fuck out of that creek until its dark
> Start walking back, cows have disappeared from the pasture
> lulwat
> its dark as fuck
> approach tree line
> Hear growling from left side
> omg no
> quicken pass, maybe it was a deer or something
> Hear same growling from right and rustling
> Oh fuck I'm not ready to die
> Sprint so hard through dense woods and broken ass road
> Trip like a pleb into gigantic fucking hole left by the washout
> Rustling is louder, now hearing snarls from all sides
> Imgonnadie.png
> Scramble out of hole taller than me through mud and filth
> Four fucking feral dogs at the other end of hole
> Run like a little bitch as fast as possible towards home
> 3 of them are chasing me at top speed, barking and shit
> I remember my rocks and start chucking the sharp little bastards at the closest dog
> Obviously did nothing
> This is it
> Turn around to face fate
> Kicking dogs as they bite my legs and face while screeching like a banshee
> Take out two of them with steel toes to the ribs
> last one is made of titanium
> Find large dry branch to use as makeshift weapon uphill a ways
> Thor hammer the shit out of that one
> its runs off to the others
> Adrenaline stopped me from feeling the blood pour out of my legs and head
> Blood everywhere on my clothes
> still gonna die
> Limp back for another mile to get home, still pretty sure I'm gonna drop dead
> its pitch black and everyone was searching for my dumb ass
> 60 mile drive to nearest hospital for 46 stitches with many shots for infectious disease
> Show brother remaining rocks on the drive there
> "Its just shale"
> mfw
>Be me, 7 years old.
>Me and the rest of my family decide its as good as a day as any to go swimming.
>We have been to this pool before and know my way around.
>There is a small pool for babys and small toddlers, a medium pool for a bit older kids, then the big pool for teens and adults.
>Kids my age can still go into the big pool, but they have to wear a life jacket.
>On this particular trip to the pool, I decided I would try out the big pool.
>I put on my life jacket and hop in.
>It was the same as any other pool, but 9ft deep.There were also these, floaty things that you can climb onto and ride like a boat.
>After a few minutes I befriend an older group of boys that were playing on one of these boats, tipping each other over and what not.
>They gladly let me join.
>We were all having a blast, when I was the one tipped over. I had my life jacket on, which was supposed to keep me above water, but only made it harder for me to swim from underneath this floaty.
>The other boys have not yet realized I was missing and all climbed on top of the other side of the floaty.
>So I was panicking underneath this boat thing, all the while my lungs were getting more and more tired.
>I was under for maybe a minute and a few seconds before my body was forced to take a breath.
>The next moment was the most peaceful experience I have felt so far into my life, it felt like I was floating through nothing.
>Now Im not spiritual in any way, but I know that if thats what death feels like, Im ready.
>and then Im back, laying on the concrete ground after my father gave me cpr, with 20+ people surrounding us, and then I black out again.
>I wake up in the hospital with my parents sitting next to me, I was perfectly fine and the doctors just kinda sent us home, saying that I just need a bit of rest.

Before this entire thing happened to me, as a little kid I was always terrified of death, but I would easily accept it now to know what it actually feels like.
File: headache frodo.gif (2MB, 625x263px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
headache frodo.gif
2MB, 625x263px
once i got caught in a riptide.

I swam the wrong way for 10 mins, became exhausted.

Floated on my back until panic left.

eventually swam back.

great exercise. got made fun of by friends.

I almost died.
Our concept of how valuable something is is real. We attach value to money because it is a representation of quantifiable value. It puts food in our mouths, it clothes us and keeps roofs over our heads. It is real.
Hot super day just driving on hot highway, back right tire blows up makes car roll a few times. Had to crawl out of sun roof. Nothing but a scrape on my face.
i'm a cop. fo reals.
Funny side note to that one: when the realization hit and all the pieces fell into place, I called a buddy I was still in contact with who had been to the club with me to share my epiphany. "Wait, you didn't know that?" he asked. "That's what that club was known for. ALL the waitresses were either trannys or pre-op. Shit, we thought you knew, and were real surprised you dragged us there."

Last one:
> be in Mexico and the last one closing up Señor Frogs
> leave without a cent because co-workers fucked you over and divvied up the tips without you
> start long-ass walk home
> be approached my cabs
> wave them off because no cash
> have kind old cabby stop and offer discounted rate
> proclaim no money
> have cabby offer further discounted rate
> proclaim no money
> have cabby declare he's heading that way anyway, so this'll be his good deed for the day
> get in cab
> enjoy quiet ride for a few miles
> have cabby suggest to circle through the park a couple times
> know park is famous for tranny and pre-op prostitutes (seriously, Mexico is lousy with tranny/pre-op dudes--it should be on their national flag)
> have cabby stop to chat and flirt with one
> uncomfortably wait
> cabby finally drives on
> have cabby ask "You know that was a guy, right?"
> inform cabby that you're well aware
> have cabby inform you "Sometimes, I just like to chat with them."
> have cabby remind you that he's not gay, though
> have cabby declare "I mean, sometimes I'll pay them just to let me watch them jack off"
> have cabby, again, remind you that he's not gay, though
> have cabby say he pays good
> tell cabby you're not interested, and you'd like to get out
> intend to hop out as the cab is moving slow rounding a curve
> insist to be let out, or violence will ensue
> scared cabby produces vice grips and opens door
> exit and run like hell
I'll bet you are. And moreover, I'll bet you're here specifically to report on all the wicked deeds of the internet, because you can walk into a court and say "this guy, we don't know who he is, said he met some criminals once, after a vague murder attempt" and they'll get you a warrant.
lol no. I work 10 hours shifts and come here on my time off to jack it and laugh.
>Worked at place that gave me access to very high places
>climb up to top and climb over guard rail
>I'm leaning forward with my arms still holding on about to let go
>had been thinking about it for awhile
>today was the day
>shitty job shitty life
>suddenly realize how much faggot i am and that life can be amazing if I just put some effort in
>climb back over guardrail but slip
>somehow grabbed a hold of the otherside of one of the bars that made up the guard
>can't get other hand up and angle I'm at prevents me from pulling myself up
>Think this really is it but say to myself "Effort"
>Pull with all my might, middle of radius/ulna feels like it'll snap any moment
>Pain is draining my strength
>can't give up, may be my only chance
>get myself high enough to grab on with other hand
>quickly switch orientation of other hand and climb over successfully
>I ain't a hoe no mo
I stepped out of a car on a windy day near a cliff-side at the age of 7 and my father caught me by the jacket collar. The wind had been so severe that it blew me off-balance and towards the edge. I remember that feeling in my gut and thinking how orange the rocks below us were, then a sharp tug backwards and my dad holding me. It scared him more than me my stupid ass didn't even realize what had just happened. He swears I was fucked if not for him.
>be muh
>be 15
>le watching game of thrones
>trying to concentrate watching teh show
>interrupted by this ear infection i had which bothered me like a shit
>go to kitchen
>find absolutly no ear drops after searching for moar than 20 minutes
>fuck it,chugga a handfull of painkillers
>no effects
>decided to go to the room and keep watching teh show
>wake up at about 1am (2 hours later)
>no pain yet dont want to sleep
>decided to play some warband
>get this incredibily pussy destroying pain in my ear in the middle of a match
>finger the shit out of my ear
>thought it was over
>feel liquid flowing out of my ear
>while i rush to a mirror i notice that is is blood on my fucking ear
>arrive at mirror
>see meat tissue-like meat coming out of my ear (thought it was my fucking brain)
>pass out of shock
>wake up in a hospital
>told that i bled nearly a quarter gallon of blood and that my heart stopped (med pills)
never even took vitamin pills or put earbuds on my ears ever since
literally edgy

I almost vaulted a wall that was put up around a 6 story drop.
> life changing epiphany
> Spends rest of life on 4chan
Well done.
then my original statement stands nobody here is remotely interested in reporting anyone.
overdose. very standard.
antihistamine and oxy combo, but the antihistamines are what fucked me over.
my parents noticed that I was acting really strange. I was incoherent.
I never ate well as a kid so they thought it was that.
gave me a bowl of rice, and I couldn't even lift a spoon to my mouth. the shaking was violent
they took me to the hospital, and I think I had a near death experience cause I'm pretty sure I hallucinated nearly all 5 senses

I stayed the night and the doctors fixed me, haven't touched drugs since. I miss them a lot but I can't bring myself to do anything
I'm still laughing, you fabulous fucker. Thank you.
>was swimming back to my uncle's boat from the beach
>didn't realize it drifted away because of the waves
>not a good swimmer
>wave took me under the boat
>ended up making it back up to yell for help before another wave took me under
>uncle comes in and gets me out
>helps get water out of my lungs
haven't been swimming since, fuck water.
I've come close to dieing twice.
First time I was in the woods with my friend it was winter I climb up a tree and the branch broke I fell and cut my leg wide open friend dragged me back home had to get 20 stitches.
The second time I was working and got my arm stuck in a machine at work I almost lost my arm but hey disability is awesome.
>Be 14
>Friend wants to go for a Midnight walk
>"Get me something sour to wake me up"
>Comes back with a glass of Scotch whiskey his Dad had in his liquor Cabnet
>Sculled that back (I had a weird tolerance for the taste Strong alcohol, don't anymore Haha)
>Asked for another
>Went for a walk, and got to the end of his driveway before i wanted more.
>Stumbled through the house
>Grabbed bottle and sculled the shit out of it
>Plan was to find a ladder and climb to the roof of the Mall that was like an hour walk away
>On the way decide to freak out the Asians who live in the area
>Run up to their doors with full force slamming and banging around screaming, then run away.
>Hiding from passing from Cars for stupid reasons
>Go to hide from a Car, smash my head on wooden wall
>Laugh my ass off
That was all I can remember but my friend wasn't very fucked so He told me more the next day
>Apparently I was convinced a Cat was following us and I was freaking out
>Apparently kicked a bottle around on a intersection
>Apparently tried to smash a glass bus stop shelter by biffing rocks at it
>Eventually after walking for a few more minutes I just dropped to the floor unconscious and spewed my shit
>Lucky there was some random fucker walking early hours of the morning or I'd be dead, saved my life, wish I knew him.
>Friend wanted to put me in a wheely bin and wheel me home.
>Stranger calls Ambulance
>Friend walks home
>Wake up in Hospital with no recollection of getting there
>"Where the fuck am I"
>Nurse tells me what happened
>Mfw I nearly died from Hypothermia
>I had severe Alcohol poisoning
>Told me basically that It was lucky I woke up because they were literally on the verge of sticking a pipe down my Penis.
Because my friend bailed on me I was an unknown person in Hospital for like 4 hours and they hadn't know what happened too me. They said they thought I'd been hit by a Car so they did X-Rays on me and shit (which highers my potential for Cancer) And pumped my Stomach.
typhoons on some shit hole island in the Pacific. was helping with getting people evacuated to safety. friend was like "duck!" look in his eyes I did not doubt he meant it, one of those metal metal roof shingles flies by, near decapitation. many laughs were had avoiding death.
>Be seven years old
>Was watching T.V on a Thursday afternoon
>Got bored for watching the same shit so I decided to watch something else
>Couldn't find the goddamn remote
>Fuck, I had to change the channel by getting up
>T.V was one of those box version (Do those even exist anymore?)
>It was also on top of my clothes drawer
>Thing was fucking bigger than me so I have to climb it
>Begin to climb
>Feel like a mountain climber for some reason
>Not even half way through and it begins to tilt
>No time to react and I fell
>Hit the back of my head against my computer desk nearby (there wasn't a computer)
>See Drawer falling and knew is coming after me
>Put up my arms and brace for impact
>Last thing I was going to see is my T.V hitting the floor
>Close eyes
>Hear a large crash and open my eyes
>My fucking drawer fell on the desk and now I'm inside a little triangle
>Cry for help
>Parents run into my room
>Ask me what just happen
>Explain and they put everything back together
>T.V was still working so I just watch more T.V
>Literally pretended like it never happen in a minute

>you think getting 1 or 2 x rays will give you cancer
>100 will probably hurt you, but 1 or 2 won't do anything. Literally everything in life is radioactive. Your phone, computer. TV. The sun, bananas.
>mfw the sun causes more cancer than x rays
Haha yeah I guess everything highers your rate of Cancer. Just repeating what the Nurse told me.
>>Come back and 4chan is queerer than a motherfucker
saddest part
this pic always make me think of this, for some reason (before I see it animated).

Idk why
The fucks up with all of these shit appendix stories. I got mine taken out almost as soon as I got there because it was about to rupture. After surgery I was released 3 hours later. I then went with my mom I this taco Tuesday bullshit and ate like the fat ass American I am.
Your electronic devices aren't at the right wavelength to give you cancer, however, the uv rays from the sun and the potassium 40 in the bananas are.
File: IMG_2617.jpg (25KB, 455x427px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
25KB, 455x427px
I went downhill at 30+ on my bike once, and it was on one of those roads made for terrain/park vehicles. As I went down, a rock swung up into my wheel lock and jammed the wheel. I was flung off with a sudden jerk (giving me minor whiplash) and then faceplanted myself into the pavement at around 30 mph. With that, my body tumbled ass over heels for almost 20 feet.

I laid there with my entire front features skinned and heavily damaged. After 3 minutes of complete numbness and bloodletting, I ended up forcing myself to get up and walk a mile and a half home because it was way out into the hills. I pretty much played Zombie to the best potential, and it all ended up being worth it.
>be me about a month ago
>birthday, better get wasted
>friends and i decide to go race
>dont remember because black out drunk and concussion, but apparently my friend who was driving (me in passenger) dicided not to slow down for a turn
>we try to take this turn at 60-70 mph
>wake up in hospital
>arm snapped in half
>bad concussion
>broken scapula
>fuck ton of broken teeth
>teeth went through my lip
>i now have two fat 6 inch scars on either side of my life fore arm
i literally SHOULD NOT be alive, apparently we hit the trees with the rear of our car when we spun off the road so that saved us as opposed to hitting head on. My scars are pretty fucking sweet tho, they should get me some bitches. I can link the x ray of my snapped arm if anyone is interested.
I am absolutely interested in that picture
pics plz
much interest
>Smoke dust for first(and last) time
>cut arm open with a meat cleaver
>looked edgy as fuck but i had no idea what was happening

Didn't even go to the hospital, butterfly bandages were enough
>be 15
>mfw game of thrones came out 2011
kk 1 sec
Stupid Juggalo
do you know how to do simple addition?

I was driving to college one day, raining super hard, speeding like a dumbass. Reached down to adjust the radio and when I looked up the car in front of me had stopped, slammed on the breaks and swerved, hydroplaned into oncoming traffic. No idea how no one hit me.
File: 0818140032.jpg (109KB, 960x1280px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
109KB, 960x1280px
sorry shitty first gen camera phone
File: get-attachment (1).jpg (364KB, 800x480px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
get-attachment (1).jpg
364KB, 800x480px
>have plans to visit friends at RIT
>have to work at 6am the morning of the day i left
>9 hour drive because have to pick up friend in connecticutt, i was the only one who drove the whole trip
>arrive at 11:00-11:30pm
>didn't eat anything all day except beef jerky and a lunchable half hour before getting there
>walk in, it's a rager
>be greeted by friends with hugs, beer and a keg stand 30 seconds after i open the door
>go outside and smoke blunt with friends
>get high, turn around and look at cements steps behind me
>inch forward away from it because premonitions
>pass out
>head was only a few centimeters away from smashing into stairs

was only out for a minute or so. woke up being carried into the house. sat on the couch watching beer pong for 3 hours. also almost died the year after that when i went back again. pic related. f250 pulling a trailer ran the red.
File: pat.png (180KB, 351x468px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
180KB, 351x468px
Had a .40 BAC about a month ago. Almost an entire 5th of Jameson, straight from the bottle, in about an hour and a half. Central nervous system was shutting down, I was threatening to kill myself, my ex wife, and her new boyfriend. Cousin had to take me to the hospital where they pumped fluids into me (no point pumping stomach, 2 hrs after I had my last drink). Was committed to an inpatient facility, spent 2 days there. Not edgy at all. It fucking sucked a bag of dicks. Haven't had a drink since. I am an alcohol and it's destroying my family.
When I was younger I was gonna stab myself in the back of the head with a screwdriver cause I heard if you got shot there it was instakill so I figured what could go wrong?

Then I realized if I fucked up I'd end up paraplegic so I didn't go through with it...
>was visiting houston
>huge storm
>lightning every 2 seconds or so
>at a restaraunt and its time to leave
>we run out to the car and im running
>next thing i know i open my eyes and im crouched with my hands covering my head
>i stand up and continue running to the car with my dad
>we both have this crawling feeling on the top of our heads
File: Fixed it.jpg (128KB, 960x1280px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
Fixed it.jpg
128KB, 960x1280px
All better.
File: attachment[1].jpg (8KB, 250x221px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
8KB, 250x221px
fuck dude ty so much
I've been on /b/ for like 2 hours. I'm making my one and only post today to tell you that post was great. Really made me laugh, man.
File: My fucking leg.jpg (128KB, 2048x1536px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
My fucking leg.jpg
128KB, 2048x1536px
>At a 21st birthday
>Party winding down
>Friend offers a few of us a ride on the back of his pickup
>3 of us jump on and we head off
>He starts being a dick, driving onto peoples lawns and doing burnouts
>We come up to a stop sign and he doesn't even slow down
>I see there is a car coming, have zero time to do anything but try hold on
>Car t-bones the shit out of us, just below where I am on the tray
>I hit the cars windscreen then go down in between the 2 vehicles
>They careen across the intersection with me between them
>Car runs over my leg and I grab the wheel arch to stop from being sucked right under
>I pull myself out from under the car and I feel okay
>Go to move and leg bends in the middle of my shin

Turns out I had a hemorrhaged lung, and my shin was broken clean in half, as well as 2 breaks in my ankle.

Pic Related
You're a fucking idiot.
> camping on a remote island with friends
> take a "research chemical", effects supposed to be similar to LSD and MDMA
> begin hallucinate
> periods where my entire field of vision is being taken over
> can't walk
> can't feel my face
> veins look like they are about to pop out of my skin
> resting HR is 150/60 for almost an hour
> we are all high and there is no way I am making it back to civilization in time to seek medical attention
> accept death
> become God
"Holy shit, this is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced."
> MRW I die and am reborn a thousand times during the trip
>>be 14
>>me and 3 friends all just scored weed for first time
>>make shift water bottle bong
>>it rips, we all get so high
>>walking back to jakes house
>>we hear cops in the distance
>>paranoia sets in
>>"you WHAT, jake??"
>>jake tells us he forgot to throw out the bong
>>we think cops are after us
>>start RUNNING to jakes bc we believe that the cops are after us
>>finally get inside and start walking up the stairs
>>::knock knock::
>> we're all fucking spooked
>>jakes mom opens the door
>>get on the floor
>>everybody walk the dinosaur
Alright faggots, listen up.

>be me in 1st grade
>be that kid
>we all knew that kid
>mr. autistic / down syndrome
>was ms. down syndrome at hunt elementary in plano, tx.
>there was a teacher who kept an eye on tard child
>Mr. Garbarini
>parents thought he was weird
>down syndrome girl, ariel, had an occasional tard freakout (as tards do)
>garbarini took her behind nearby bookshelf to "calm her down"
>this fuck raped her
>fag had diaper fetish
>brought them to school with his teacher shit. I was kind to tard girl and hung around her, btw.
>asked him what they were for
>said for his kid
>tfw he never had a kid, I was like 5 so I believed it
>years later saw this, link related:

>tfw he raped that girl for sure
>tfw once he asked me to go behind bookshelf
>said no, ran away like derp child I was

I could have been raped and maybe fucking killed

>can prove, got an award from the school. Timestamp upon request.
that was it. we got to the car and i was shaking for 30 min after that. so either we got struck by lightning or it hit right next to us
That's not a near death experience. But sure, go ahead, post.
>It's just shale

lol fucking siblings man, can't even give you just 1 when you're bleeding to death.
are you from bosnia? what raes are you? serbs master race or croats diarrhea-blood race?

I have a similar story

>be 16
>find connect for 2ce
>take it a few times its cool \ good tripping
>4th time we goto the guy he seems really fucked up
>says he diluted the 2ce into 3 water bottles for us
>go back home shit smells really strong, being retarded 16 year olds we take it anyways
>literally within 20 mins everyone is already peaking tripping
>start puking everywhere
>heart racing fast as hell
>can barely see anything except for fractal patterns and morphing
>friends dad picks me up to drive me home can barely keep up a convo everyone sounds like a robot\computer voice

Got home and continued puking thing I was going to die, woke up the next day feeling like I cheated death lol

Turned out the guy we got it from was tripping on 2ce and fucked up the dosages so badly.
File: image.jpg (2MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2MB, 3264x2448px
Yeah, it's not, but I sat 2 fucking feet from the guy.
>Getting raped in 1st grade isn't the best either, could've ruined my life.
>teacher, mr. gomez, turned a blind eye to it. Principal, Ms. Engilking (if that's how it was spelled) buried her fucking head in the sand. Word got out when I was in second grade, but no police got envolved until years after I had graduated from 5th grade.
>be 12
>at beach
>be bodyboarding
>caught in rip tide
>scream for help, bitch as life guards Don't do shit
>remember beach school, keep calm and wait till you get to a sand bar
>fuck that, I can't feel the ground
>remember I still have bodyboard
>use bodyboard and waves to get to the land
>do so
And fuck the lifeguards.
>"It's just shale"

made me chuckle
>15 years old
>Friend and I playing with my grandfather's old hunting rifles
>Friend aims at me, doesn't realize it's still loaded
>Shots me in the leg
>luckily he missed my bone, so it didn't do any serious damage, but it could be worse
I am already dead.
Posting this from heaven.
You thing I'm lying?
Well look at my ID faggot
My first post is the story m8
oh yeah another one dont know if it would have killed me but it would have fucked me up pretty bad at least.
>played water polo in high school
>we push the goals into the water
>but we had 2 people waiting with styrofoarm squares to make them float
>never done it before so im waiting underwater for the goal o be pushed in
>thought to myself itll probably dip done quite a bit maybe i should go a little deeper
> go down like another foot
>just then the goal comes falling in and the corner of the goal just touches the tip of my forehead.
the goals were older and made of wood so they were pretty heavy
shot 4 times with NATO round in the chest and had my wrist cut with a knife in the struggle. 45 minutes before med attention.

Was in and out for 5 days. Saw some crazy shit, broa.
because they hate you, warsaw pact.
Worked bouncer in Jalisco and Sinaloa for 1 year. Fucked some "hard looking" shits up in that year.
File: CAM00123.jpg (357KB, 1280x768px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
357KB, 1280x768px
>December 21/13
>at gun range trying out bros new handgun
>take 2 shots
>think gun is empty
>swing gun down
>thought i shot leg
>actually shot foot
>didnt freak out
>just sat down and had a smoke

pic is from an old thread i made
Got a pic of the wound now?
>Be me, 24
>Passing walking through a savannah in africa on my way to somewhere else
>Knew it was dangerous, but it was quicker to go that way, would save me hours if I cut through there instead of going the way I should have gone
>Get attacked by a bunch of locals
>Running like hell, thankfully they were on foot too
>Jumped in a pond and swam under
>Doubled back and hit at the very edge of it where I went in
>They went in too but swam to the other side and didn't notice me
>Got out of there and high tailed it as fast as I could to the nearest safe zone
>I didn't try to cut through the barrens again until I got my mount at level 40
File: post cast top.jpg (476KB, 768x1280px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
post cast top.jpg
476KB, 768x1280px
ill take one here's one from after i took the cast off
If only you had memorized the navy seal pasta you would have been godsafe anon
File: 1404019443922.gif (980KB, 500x270px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
980KB, 500x270px
>be 8
>Parents buy red minivan with automatic sliding door
>sister and i go to grocery store with parents
>time to get out of van
>sister gets out first, my turn
>get stuck, sliding door closing fast
>oh shit, I'm about to fucking die
>like a true /b/ro sister pulls me out and saves my life
File: 4qQTlRw.gif (232KB, 500x280px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
232KB, 500x280px
>had lymphoma,
>lots of chemo and radiation.
>immune system was destroyed
>chest infection
>two weeks in the hospital touch and go
im 21. should never have stated smoking
Mixed valium, vodka and oxy together. Passed out had no pulse the ambulance came and said incessant breathing scariest thing of my life
The closest I've ever been to dying is when my dads car was hit while it was parked.
I had gotten out about 10 minutes ago.
Even if I'd been in the car I would probably have been fine.
That's the closest.
File: 1402614890717.jpg (25KB, 500x408px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
25KB, 500x408px
Oh yeah, clearly the cigarettes did it at 21.
File: image.jpg (1MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
1MB, 3264x2448px
Healed up nice
my nigger
Dr. Anon knows best
>cigs can make your cells cancerous early into contact with a carcinogen, yet it may never happen in another person who maybhave smoked all their life.
smoked since i was 10
>had really shitty friends
>Dog choked on a rib bone.
>Went limp as OP's dick.
>Heimliched the fucker and he let out a squeal like OP getting fucked by a 300 lbs. boar.
>Dog start breathing again, gets up, but can't really walk straight.
>Might have brain damage.
>Dog takes a nap.
>45 minutes back to normal like a boss.
>Still don't know about the brain damage though.
I felt from my window with my head down to the ground but in a halway my body somehow turned around and felt on legs. Pretty close to fucking dead i think, since not very high but falling on neck could be deadly in my opinion. I was a bit mentally ill at that time adn yeah I did it because the voice in my head.
Same kind of thing happened to a friend of mine, doctors fucked up during his surgery and he had to go through another two surgery's just to fix thier fuckups, good thing it was in canada, it was free. then he sued them for time lost at work and got 50 grand two years later
a 300 lb boar would actually be pretty small for a boar wouldn't it?
File: 1407918508102.png (223KB, 824x720px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
223KB, 824x720px
>be 4yo, going back to house
>speeding car hits me
>I fly like 8 meters and roll
>no broken bones but bad concussion of which I almost died
>be 12yo, dipping with older bro and his friend in nearby river during summer
>one moment, I feel my legs cramping up, I panic
>try to yell, water gets in mouth, I panic more
>can't keep my balance I begin to sink
>right before I pass out, bro's friend grabs me and pulls me to shore
>be 14yo, whiny depressive bitch
>try to commit suicide
>drink about 24 pills, some are sleeping pills, others I don't even know
>try not to vomit, didn't vomit
>next thing I remember, I wake up in my bed 16 hours after I took the pills
>got lung cancer, terminal
>im 21, been smoking for 4 years now
>im at peace with myself and the people around me
>still smoke a pack a day
Was sailing with my dad omboard his 40 feet yacht. Off the coast of Norway near baringshavet when i feel overboard. Spent 20-30 mins in the water freezing my balls of before my laughin dad found me thanks to the life support system i carried in the vest.
I nearly died of meningitis once. It's felt really weird, dying. It's hard to explain. I'll say the story if people want, though it's not as crazy as these skin-of-the-teeth survival car crashes.
File: 1407963785628.jpg (2MB, 4961x4961px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2MB, 4961x4961px
>Fell through the roof of the deck I was working on last month
>broken boards and rusty nails everywhere
>one hand grab saved me
>Thank jesus I'm fit with strong masturb8in hands

tfw porn prolly saved my life
File: 136472282287.jpg (13KB, 510x288px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
13KB, 510x288px
damn i'm so sorry :(
>Took my other dog to the top of an Elementary school playground.
>Let him walk around because he undestands height and all.
>Fucker started going down the big spiral slide.
>Says "I'm outta here!" and jumps from the top as he is going down.
>Does a header onto the ground.
>Lands on the back of the neck.
>Let's out a shriek like OP's whore mom when I'm banging her poon hole.
>Immediately think he's dead.
>Get's up.
>Shaken up like OP's dick on a 24-hour jerk-off session to gay porn.
>Dog walks home.
>Lies down that night and has a hell of a time getting back up.
>Thinking we might have to put her down.
>Keeps getting better and now we're thinking she'll make a full recovery.
>Might have brain damage.
>Two scariest moments when my dog's almost died. The third was seeing OP's bunghole ravaged by AIDS trucker at a truck stop glory hole.
One time I was delivering some fundraising stuff to a house down the street and the girl in the house thought I was trying to break in because I knocked on the door (don't ask me why I have no clue). As I was waiting at the door I heard another neighbor say my name. He was standing behind me with an aluminum baseball bat. Thank god he recognize me. I delivered the stuff then started to walk back to my place. I went through my fence gate, then hear "FREEZE HANDS IN THE AIR!!!" And there was a cop pointing a gun at me. Guess she called the police on me. I was so freaked out and cried like a bitch (I was 11 btw). I can laugh about it now but I could have been killed or seriously injured by that baseball bat had I not been recognized.
File: 1408007892688.jpg (2KB, 124x124px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
2KB, 124x124px
>Just the dick was 300 lbs.
oh fuck dude
how long do you have?
File: sneekyboob.webm (270KB, 480x480px)
270KB, 480x480px
sounds like you are a beta fag

Neat. My experience was with 2ci

11/10 would do again
good thing you're still smoking so the people that don't smoke can get the same kind of lung cancer you gave yourself from second hand smoke
>be playing payday2
>headphones on to shut out the world
>dad is home drinking as per usual
>decide to clean up desk cuz im a messy fuck
>hear dad say"fucking thing is jammed''
>think the worst and go to his room
>see dad crying with little gun in hand and bullet half way out of slide
Oh not on my watch niggershit
>go over to him and put hand on gun to keep him from doing anything
>He pushes me away and cocks the pistol
>go to him and grab gun
Get out of here im going to do it bla bla bla
>try to take gun
>There is a hole in the wall
Ear is ringing and im alittle shocked... Think '' He tryed to shoot me''
Will cont.

>stage 4 lung cancer
>havnt smoked for years
>was a regular smoker for about two years when i was about 18
>33 today
>Autoshop class
>Faggot using acetylene torch
>A before O or up we go!
>Faggot is about to light Oxygen first
>Teacher tells him to get the fuck out
>He leaves
>Friends and I come into class
>Time to get some shit done
>Friend slacking off
>Takes out zippo and is about to strike for fun
>Stops short of doing so
>Closes zippo
>Friend notices strange smell in air
>Walks around classroom to check for source
>Realizes faggot left acetylene tank open
>Quickly goes to open door
>Wave of acetylene visible, flowing out of autoshop
>Friends and I grab bags and run
>Don't stop running until 3km away from school
>There was enough acetylene in the storage room (next to the autoshop) to level the entire school
>There was a gas station right next door to school

Saved by my friend's sixth sense if you will. If he struck his zippo, I wouldn't be here today.
>gateway drugs?

What? Who uses that term on 4chan? You smoked weed in college? Jesus
i feel like if it all happened at once u would simultaneously shit and ejaculate. mayb thats just my lightning fetish talking tho
I was using a tire swing attached to an old and frail tree, when the branch that was holding it snapped and hit my head. I don't remember what happened for a week after that, but I woke up with 57 stitches and blind in one eye.
also..if any of you dont have life insurance.

please please get it while you are healthy..even if you are young and literally dying. go in and lie. try and get it approved.
once a year passes and if the company does not investigate and determine you lied on the app they are bound by law to pay out.
dont wait until you start to get sick..makes things so much more complicated.

Meth was my gateway drug
>be me, 14
>at girlfriends house
>shes complete trailer trash, lives in shittiest trailer park in Denham Springs, LA
>her dads an alcoholic abusive guy with a Napoleonic complex
>were talking
>we start making out
>her dad walks in right as im slipping my hand into her pants
>"hes trying to rape me daddy, help!"
>her dad grabs me by the hair ( i used to have some thick ass hair, thought i was gonna be a rockstar)
>he stands me up and is about to beat my ass
>i dive past him into hall and out door
>running down driveway, think im almost safe
>he tackles me from behind
>fly 5 feet and skid on gravel
>hes swinging as hard as he can
>my sides are literally hurting
>somehow get myself over to a bigger piece of gravel
>grab it and swing at his head
>hes dazed, i use this time to get up and run
>he starts chasing, this time with a bat
>running down road, i didnt have time to get my bike
>he throws bat and the butt hits the back of my head, it hurts like fuck but i keep running
>finally find a police car
>police arrest girlfriends dad
>he says i raped his daughter, i say we were kissing and he walked in and his daughter freaked out
>cop (older black man, nice enough guy) says he doesnt have time for this shit, and if we agree to behave ourselves he'll forget he ever saw this
>i go get my bike and go home
>mom asks about bruises, i tell her i fell off my bike on a hill

she notices im acting a little out of it, she looks at my eyes and asks me some questions and it turns out i had a pretty major concussion, almost bad enough to need real medical treatment.
>Get angry enough to puch him in the face
Oh shit hes mad now too
>were wrestling for the gun
>all mostly in my direction for i am a woman compaired to him
>manage to get the clip out
>still round in chamber
>when it was pointed out at wall i force his finger to pull the trigger by shoving my finger in
>Take clip and all rounds to garage and get the rest of the guns and munition to gfs house
>get home and hes passed out where i left him
>hide gun in spare room
This was a month ago
He hasnt talked of it yet
Or even apologized
Estimated 2 more months, the odds of surviving are so small i told my parents not to waste money on more therapy but invest in a larger funeral instead, so everybody can atleast think back of me in a positive way.
Everybody dies at some point, im actually glad i can sit back and wait for it to happen instead, proper goodbyes.

Here's my story, pretty boring.

>Get off bus (stops at the corner of the street)
>It's a red light so bus stops there, can't really see the rest of the road from where I am since bus is massive and blocking my view
>Start crossing the street
>For whatever reason stop for a second in front of bus
>Jackass burns red light at about 75 km/h (45 mph)
>Felt the gust of wind, literally few centimetres away

Pretty sure I would've been done for.
your friend is an asshole. What did you say to him after?
Shit we werent allound tk weld nontheless use a tourch
have you gotten all your shit squared away?


have you started giving your shit away?

how many people have you told?
>The guy eventually got whacked and I got some flowers in the hospital from the guy who ordered it, medical bills paid for and all and a nice sum of money for college
That means the guy who got whacked definitely deserved it.
It's not a gateway drug.. unless you started doing heroin after.
Almost slide on ice down an incline into 70mph traffic and a semi would have hit me if I went just a few feet further

>Week later
Driving home from work at 3am when a car is on the wrong side of the interstate. I'm too tired to notice until almost point blank and slam on the brakes. I was going to call the police, but phone was dead, and I didn't have my pistol on me so I wasnt going to approach them, so I gtfo'd
Similar story to both of you

>used to have an amazing MDMA hookup
>didn't want to sell because I still lived with my parents and they searched my room for drugs because of weed
>so I would hook up all my friends and a few sold so they would buy like 100 hits at a time
>One of my oldest friends who I hadn't seen in awhile calls me up
>Asks me if I can get 100 gelpcaps for him
>I get his shit and meet up with him
>Turns out his gf of 2 years cheated on him and dumped him 2 days before his dad died
>He said he wanted to die happy so he was going to eat all the pills in one night
>I try to talk him out of it and he starts getting pissed at me
>Try to grab the bag
>He flips out and tells me to get out of his car
>I say I wont leave and he tries to push me out.
>He says fine you can watch me die
>He proceeds to drive waaaaayyyy the fuck out of town way out where I have never been
>We get to this shitty cabin by a little river that his uncle owned
>He barely says anything
>I have a plan depending on what he does
>He finally tells me he is going to pop them slowly at first so he doesn't puke them all up and by the end he is going to try to take 30 or 40 at once
>Not sure the chemistry but I didn't want him to die of dehydration
>once he gets high I convince him he should give me some
>He is high as fuck feeling amazing but with all that happened it reaffirms that he wants to die
>We both get so fucking ripped, I keep eating as much as I can to slow his intake down
>I start hiding caps around before im too fucked,
>Eventually we both puke multiple times, I convince him to drink some water we found in a cupboard and I try to drink some but there isnt much left
>At times I dont remember anything, just him rocking back and forth breathing heavily and moaning in ecstasy
>I dont remember it much but I did the same
>Through the night I felt better than I ever have
>Eventually we just came down, never slept
>Changed both our lives.
There were about 40 large tanks of Acetylene in the side room. Along with the gas mains running under the school, the whole area could have been leveled.

Count yourself lucky you don't get to use the torch. Idiots will end up killing people.
Maybe they did that to protect themselves from possible legal action on your part.
File: 1382268844727.jpg (54KB, 211x207px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
54KB, 211x207px
God damn it anon, you got me again.
>be me 2 years ago
>race MX, not great but not shit tier, won a few meets here and there
>be at practice being a dick with my mates on the track
>roosting each other, wheelies and shit
>come out of big lh berm, railing the shit out of it straight past one of my mates
>cut in front of him to roost the ever-loving shit out of that faggot
>cut too hard, rear wheel looses traction, bike is cranked right over on it's rh side
>"I got this"
>over-correct and suddenly the bike whips itself upright and throws me off
>"sky dirt sky dirt sky dirt"
>hit the deck, mate runs me over lol
>wake up 2 weeks later in hospital

Docs put me in an induced coma. Broke my femur in 2 places (under the knife for that), broke my humerus right up top where rotator cuff attaches (inb4 not very humorous), 7 broken ribs and subsequently a punctured lung. The grand finale? Broken neck, lucky no cord damage though.
I forgave him. I even wrote a letter to the judge asking them to go easy on him, as it was my decision to get on the back of his pickup.

About a year later I fucked his girlfriend. Not out of spite, but I was drunk and she wanted my kawk bad. Call it even I guess?
>serb master race
fuck his future wife and it'll only then be even

holy shit dude, could you get any more retarded?
life isn't some fucking movie where you suddenly start working for a criminal organisation because they "taught you respect". A nice guy who hits another guy with his car might visit him in hospital, doesn't mean the guy who got hit has to go out of his way to repay the dude for something so simple.
if you had any common sense whatsoever, you'd stay away from the guys, otherwise you'll probably end up actually dead.
They used a revolver too
this destroyed everything
Everything i own is given to my parents, except for my instruments, 8 bassguitars, 4 guitars, my Nord stage and classical piano. Giving those to my close friends i made while i studied at the college of music.
Only my relatives and close friends know.
for you
File: IMG_20140818_191131.jpg (200KB, 1280x960px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
200KB, 1280x960px
>be me
>be ausfag driving '98 VT Commodore with 5.7 lt. V8, shift kit, racing chip, extractors, the works
>it's late february, first rain of the year
>car slides right off the road at 75 km/h and sideways into a tree
>can't brake, because that'll put it into a spin

I distinctly remember watching the windscreen break in like a spiderweb pattern, in slow-motion, and thinking "I'd better close my eyes before the glass falls in", and actually had time to close my eyes before it fell.

The damage was:

Car: Totalled. Cut open with jaws-of-life to get me out. Hit the tree on the diagonal, with the front end. Tore the radiator off, snapped the engine mounts on the right side.

Me: (driver) Right leg broken in 6 places, 3 between ankle and knee, 3 between knee and hip. 5 ribs broken on right-hand side, punctured lung. Right arm snapped in half, right in the middle of the bicep. Right cheekbone, eye-socket and nose broken.

2 days in ICU following emergency surgery, signed myself out of hospital a week after that. Spent 3 months in a wheelchair, then another 3 using a cane.

GF: (now wife) Medium-to-serious concussion, minor cuts to right forearm.

Don't have the x-rays any more like these guys:

So... pic of the scar all the way down my right bicep.
...had a buddy tell me something like this once. Ever live in Mississippi?
I put a loaded pistol in my mouth once. Got a crazy adrenalin rush, put the pistol down, smoked a bong.
you are the cancer

is it still there? are you recovering?
Be me, be in the ward again. Place is depressing as fuck with naked nigger yelling at tv constantly, schizos talking to the wall, and paranoid autists shitting their pants all the fucking time
Be around midnite, notice emo roomie come out of bathroom with his entire arm dripping blood and slashed to the bone. Gives me his razor and says use it. Go to bathroom and begin slashing arm, blood everywhere. Hit vein and start to see faces in the mirror, calling my name..one of the faces is my roomie
After pass out, wake up weeks later after induced coma, discover roomie had died. Dont give a shit bc hot nurse and dazed like a motherfucker
Ask if she wants to see penis
She respectfully declines
After they send me back to the ward
Ask Schizo girl if she wants to see penis, she does
Convince her its telling her to suck it
These are all good stories, but be me is the only time you should use that point of view in a green text

It's confusing otherwise
Europe would have made him worse
>bantering with dad after having lunch together downtown
>got a couple of those hard candies from the restaurant
>walking and talking with dad
>put one candy in my mouth
>dad makes me laugh at the same time
>candy goes straight into my windpipe
>start choking, can't breathe nor talk
>dad didn't notice, keeps talking
>manage to catch up to him and tap on his shoulder
>gesture to him that I'm choking
>this idiot starts tapping on my back to get the candy out
>stop him and show him how to do Heimlich's evenhough I'm about to pass out
>he does it to me, candy goes flying out of my mouth
>still, looked like my dad was buttfucking me in the middle of the street
almost got run over a car when j-walking and the car was going full speed,
who's this girl?
passing out is alcohol poisoning
Forget her, she's got a bigger dick than you do.
Fucking juggalosers
You're worse than bronies
>fist bump

Middle fingers up, eh anon?
She's a man baby. Yeah.
Cigarettes don't do shit m8
Calm down Mr. POWERS
i fell from 45 ft, broke abut 20 bones. included 6 back bones. 2 weeks coma...
File: bkheart2wz1.jpg (338KB, 1178x870px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
338KB, 1178x870px
>on vacation (2 weeks)
>1 week in really wanna get high
>no connections in vacation location
>synthetic weed was in it's prime
>buy 3G's of "Slappa"
>smoke 1 pipe
>suddenly I am lamp
>Lay on the ground
>heart racing about to burst out of my chest
>suddenly heart stops
>take last breathe
>fall in to what felt like the most peaceful sleep
>10-20 seconds later suddenly gasp for air and heart starts again
>10/10 would smoke again
My Newfag can't be this new...
Almost drowned in uncles pool when I was 9. Felt the sinking, then I feel him grip my neck, rip me out of the water and launch me against the wall.
I puked up all the water
I laugh about it now
My uncle was and still stronger than a ox
I like your style.
> be 15
> wake up from pain in lower abdomen
> instantly realize its appendicitis
> go to hospital, pain spiking
> nurse proceeds to push on the appendix and suddenly releases pressure
> agony.webm
> 2 other nurses also do this, I decide to man up and take it
> it's appendicitis, confirmed by bloodwork and 3 sado nurses.
> proceed to shave my pubics (no cleaning, dry)
> have appendix removed
> wake up
> see pubic area, fiery red
> lighthouseinpant.jpg
> also contains stitches, i'm fucked
I had no problems with the appendicitis, the pain i had from the dry shaving was horendous, now i shave my pubes just in case i get whateveritis
>tfw intense adhd
>tfw crazy impulses sometimes

>be in thailand
>swim in river with friend
>the current in the middle is very strong
>get caught in the stream
>almost drift away and under the water
>get adrenaline kick and manage to swim to the side
>cut up both feet from the rocks while swimming for my life

Other time was when I was driving
>be in uphill
>slow ass car in front of me
>can't wait and drive by
>1 big truck coming towards me
>literally 1 inch space between my car and the other as I manage to drive past the car in front of me at 100km/h
Forgot to mention that situations like these happens about every month for me. Gonna get my meds soon luckily.
fell off of a cliff
why the Fuck
twice when i tried to kill myself.

once with my ex, who convinced me to kill myself with her by hanging ourselves, until i snapped out of it.

and once when i tried to swallow a bunch of vicodin and OD.

now im feeling a lot better with another girl in my life and she's helping me cope with my depression a lot.

kill yourselves
>With Air Cadets in UK (Sort of like a more military version of the scouts)
>In training aircraft, because learning to fly is free yo
>Suddenly engine sputters
>Carbon monoxide indicator is instantly black
>Pilot, a 60 year old veteran dude has already started phasing out
>Pilot man, barely awake, guides me on how to line up with Blackpool airport
>He decides to open the canopy - sort of makes sense
>Canopy not locked down, begins to slide backwards as if this were an eject manoeuvre
>Would smash the tail to pieces if I didn't grab it first
>ONE HANDED? (I'm holding onto the canopy - stopping it decimating the plane)
>Yep. Pilot manages to get a few more lines to Blackpool Air Traffic Control before passing out
>Use my Xtr3m3 Flight Simulator 2005 powers to land aircraft while drifting off myself
>Land it...badly.
>I pulled up more than I should and scraped the tail, before landing hard of the wheels
>Settle down. Forget entirely about the peddles and drift off into the grass near the runway
>Ambulance and fire crew on me in about 1.4 seconds (Those guys are hella efficient)
>My carboxyhaemoglobin level was 37% (Severe)
>In hospital for a couple of days getting high off pure oxygen

I wasn't in the news, and my fellow cadets thought I was an asshole because I delayed them from going home...
You are an asshole, but that's beside the point.
Airline dispatcher reporting in-


At least you made it home safe.
Thread posts: 264
Thread images: 54

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]
Please support this website by donating Bitcoins to 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
If a post contains copyrighted or illegal content, please click on that post's [Report] button and fill out a post removal request
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows an archive of their content. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.