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ITT: We pretend we all live in this neighbourhood. I'm

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 306
Thread images: 46

ITT: We pretend we all live in this neighbourhood.

I'm Dave and I like to mow my lawn at 6.30am.
>>
i'm barack and my backyard is illuminati
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>>562962271
Fuck you, dave
I hate people who do that...
>>
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I'm Tyrone, i shot Dave for waking me up.
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>>562962271
I'm Obama, and I am KKK
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i am adolf and i do your mom at 6.30 am
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>>562962598
God bless you
>>
im ki × k and i kook meff @[email protected]
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well dave, you're not bothering me because i was smart enough to have my house custom built with german made windows and rolladen shutters, so i don't hear shit that goes on outside of my house
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I'm Cedric the friendly pedophile who nobody knows is a pedophile. I secretly film your kids playing in the street.
>>
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I'm Richard, I hired Tyrone to mow my lawn.
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>>562962271
Keep your goddamn kid off my lawn
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>>562962787
and i save 40% on my energy usage from my extremely efficient superior german made windows and shutters
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I am Thomas and play all "I want for christmas is you" at 0900
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>>562962271
I'm robert. I like walking in the middle of the road despite there being a sidewalk
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>>562962271
Only thing better than this cul-de-sac is when a bitch licks-my-sac! Haha, just kidding, but seriously welcome to the neighborhood!
>>
I'm Kent, and I get your teen daughters in my house using Justin Bieber cutouts on my lawn.
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My names Carlos, and you won't shoot my dog Brutus.
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>>562962957
You sound like that asshole Steve who's always going on and on about how good his damn German windows are.

I'm Mike, I fuck the neighbors wife, and show up at everyone barbeque, I always bring some beer for all.
>>
I'm Carl and I'm the guy you always complain about to the neighborhood committee cause I park cars on my lawn.
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>>562962271
Im Robert, and i am a really friendly and forward person who loves to hang out with my beloved neighbours when they are busy with something!
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>>562962957
German made products are absolutely shit tier
>>
My name is Todd, and I like to hand-wash the classic Corvette I never drive on Saturday afternoons.
>>
I'm Oskar and I'm the eccentric foreign bachelor with a sweet hot tub and a leopard print plush bathrobe
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>>562962271
Are you from Rocket Power?
>>
>>562963130
>>562963342
Good day to you, other Robert!
>>
I'm OP and I am a gigantic faggot.
>>
My name is Carl and this was my home until I fucked everything up. My main hobby is trainspotting.
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I'm Stefan: "remember to pick up after your pooch".
>>
I'm Jordan and I like to rev my loud Camaro at 7am
>>
Dave here,

I suspect Tyrone is a drug lord.
>>
>>562963292
well, if you had known about how the germans make superior homes you'd know that even if there's a festival or parade going on right outside your window, you'd barely hear it thanks to the superior nature of german made windows
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>>562962702
>
the fuck you are
>>
>>562962564
who do what? mow their own lawn?
>>
I'm Michael, I'm someone's son in the neighbourhood. I went to Afghanistan and got blown to bits. I'm now stuck to a wheel chair, and I drink my life away, and watch porn all day while smoking tons of weed.
>>
>>562962271
I'm Mojo. keep your kids out of my garden out back.
I like to smoke up at 6:30 in the morning. We'll get along fine Dave
>>
>>562962271
I'm Chris. I don't give a shit about any of you. But I love to watch Dave's daughter when she's tanning in the backyard.
>>
>>562963513
howdy neighbor!
>>
Hi I'm Carl, I have the one house in the neighborhood with the overgrown grass and dog shit everywhere. I'm an anonymous legion hacker.
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>>562962271
Allo. Mein name is Hans Freidman,
I am, how you say,
German Shiza Film maker ya?
>>
>>562962271
I'm Robert, a crystal meth addict. I wash my car at 2:30 am.
>>
>>562963740
I'm glad I shit in the back of your toilet tank at the last cookout you had.

>>562963676
I agree, he sells some good shit.
>>
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>>562962271
Crowded subdivisions suck. Too much light pollution to enjoy my massive telescope. Can't shoot my guns without some soccer mom calling the cops on me. Can't have a bonfire whenever I want. That's a cul de sac. Fuck you op. Fuck living on a "sack". Visit my sack and see how you like it. If you don't live innawudz, you aint shit.
>>
I'm James and my wife sleeps with our mexican gardener while i pretend that i have the perfect family and everything is fine
>>
I'm Ching Wong. After I moved in, I gave my associates access to this gated community so they could rob houses they otherwise couldn't reach. After my cut and enough money made, I will move to another secure community and do the same.
>>
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>>562963676
Carl here. I'll have to hit him up.

By the way, that 76 dodge dart in my lawn if for sale if anyone is interested.
>>
>>562963513
I'm Robert too and I jerk off in a lawn chair on my roof.
>>
alright edboy, now tell me where my goat is
>>
I'm Giles, a retired bi polar war vet. And I usually hate all of you
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>>562963989
but that would be impossible, as i have german style toilets where the tank is enclosed into the walls
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>>562962271
I'm roberto your loud Italian neighbor with a bunch of cliche italian shit laying around that for some reason pisses you off and you always mumble some shit but always say hi nicely and happy like a little bitch you are.
usually tyrone hangs around my place smoke crack all day
>>
>>562962271
You're an idiot. We hire people to mow our lawn.
>>
>>562964076
I'd like to buy it and turn it into a drag car that I park on my lawn and don't actually race, just rev it in my driveway.
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>>562964174
for example
>>
>>562963805
I'm Michael. I like watching Chris watch Dave's daughter. I'm usually jerking it while I do.
>>
Hey guys. My name is David. I have an 83 inch screen and a ps4.

Who wants to come over and play video games?

No blacks allowed.
>>
>>562964057
She's sleeping with a lot more than just your gardener.....

>>562964174
..... So who's toilet tank did I shit in?
Also, fuck your German shit.
>>
Gotta find out if Johnson got a permit to put in that trampoline. Quick, call the county tax board.
>>
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>You guys wasted an opportunity
>Pic related
>>
>>562962271
Hi dave, it's one of the Carls, the one whose lawn you stepped in dog shit. Would mow my lawn also, if you don't I'll get /b/ on you while planting dog shit on your lawn in my trench coat and fedora.
>>
>>562964394
Looks like you've got some trouble there. I, Daquan , am a prime nignog, 6'2, rich as fuck. Ive already fucked your wife faggot
>>
I'm Denise. I'm married to Dave because I promised my virginity to him in high school, but now I feel unfulfilled in my life as a common housewife so while Dave is on business trips I cheat on him with the only black guy in the neighborhood while my kids are at soccer/ballet practice.

I also get jealous of the other wives and drink my sorrows away in cheap wine and daytime TV
>>
>>562964595
your mom is a sac, a fucking nutsack
>>
>>562963314
I like you Carl.
Old cars, new cars, or just whatever the fuck you can fit?
>>
>>562964763
Fuck you Denise
>>
>>562964405
I can't hear you over the sound of awesomeness of my family
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>>562964394
I'm in, I'll bring a few 6-packs, mind if I invite Tyrone, he always has the good shit on him.

Also, James is staying late at work tonight, mind if I invite Sherrie?
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>>562962271
Tennis anyone? Afterwards we can have a barbecue in my backyard; Rose just makes the greatest lemonade!

We'd have a swell time.
>>
>>562962271
Hi my name is Bella Goth and I like to talk incoherently and suck dick. I will be knocking on your door everyday whether you fucking like it or not.
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>>562964763
We're having a party at Dave's right now, come over and see if Tyrone is busy.
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>>562964798
Oh I forget, your one of those circle jerking faggots sitting in his basement, pretending in this very thread to lead the exciting life of Roberto, the homosexual butt pirate and crack addict. Excuse me for intruding on your cum laden voyage. enjoy your aids you niggerlover
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>>562964927
Where and when? I could use some "company".
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>>562964843
I like to buy classics, say I'm gonna fix them up, but just trade them out for other classics.

Currently working on a 71 Pontiac Ventura. Needs a little work, but see a beaut.

pic related.
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>>562964701

This is why no one likes you people.
>>
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I'm CJ and I'm the Busta of the neighborhood
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>>562964763
Hey Denise, it's Carl, the one with the cool fedora. I'm a really nice guy and it sound like your husband doesn't respect you m'lady. I'm an avid atheist and I would love to get a chance to know you personally.
>>
Anyone want to go to the malt shop?
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>>562965223
Ugh, I can't flirt with Tyrone in front of Dave. I have to humiliate him in private.
>>
i fuck all your wives and never get caught
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My name is roger, I prefer to be left alone.
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>>562965249
>>
Hi guys I'm Mike. I drink heavily and have had multiple domestic violence charges. I also hit Dave's recycling cans with my car and keep driving
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>>562962271
My name's Kenneth, I'm overly excitable and very easily attached to people. I promise I won't rifle through your garbage looking for old qtips to suck on.
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I'm Ryan, and I replace Tyrone's crack with sugar
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>>562962271
This is obviously a picture of San Andreas.
It even has the walls around Ryder's home.
Busta.
>>
Good morning guys
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>>562962271
I'm Steve
I've been called a faggot once.
>Once.
>>
>>562964991
It's fine just invite her, i have to work unpaid overtime today
>>
>>562962271

I'm that retard who runs on the road even though we have sidewalks
>>
I'm dale and I definitely don't have young girls from the middle school locked up in my basement, haha don't bother looking I don't have any of those girls who went missing last summer and that petite women's lingerie you guys saw me bring in last winter was a present for my niece in college
>>
>>562965525
Sorry, I'm a devout Christian. I must remain faithful to my husband while I cheat on him with a real man.
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>>562962271
While Dave mows his law for at lest an hour at 6:30 am I fuck his wife until hse sucks my load off my dick
>>
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I'm Kevin, the neighborhood watch leader and aspiring vigilante. Also, i'll do your taxes.
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>>562965342
Mah nigga. Since you're in the neighborhood you should work with me on putting stash-spots in cars for smuggling.
>>
Hi I'm Scott, I'm doing your mom while you're at school and your dads a work because I work from home.
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>>562962271
Hi I'm James. I like to ride my bike in the middle of the road, sprint out in front of cars, and ride into moving vehicles.

I actually live in a cul-de-sac, only problem really is the kids, parking space, and the amount of old people living here.
>>
I'm American and I shot up a school.
>>
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>>562965669
>>
Steve's a faggot. Now he's been called that twice
twice
>>
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I'm Lilly, teehee.
>>
Hi! Few things to start off with =] 1. Yes I added you because you're a female, 'tis an awesome thing to see! 2. I'm Brian. 3. Don't be intimidated, but I'm not a stereotypical guy. If anything, I'll be the one in the kitchen =D.
>>
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>>562966182
I am a Police officer, I will have to put you in to custody. There's a new sheriff in the town.
>>
>>562962271
I'm John, I hate every single one of you.
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>>562965980
But I am a real man, I swear I can change for you. I'm a real nice guy. How come it's always the nice guys that get screwed over by such pretty girls who go for assholes like Dave. Don't put me in the friendzone please I swear I'm really a really nice guy and I'm the classiest one you will ever ne
>>
Im an Irresponsible parent who lets their kids be outside of your house screaming all fucking day
>>
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check em
>>
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>>562962271
I don't know about you, but this guy seems pretty sketchy...
>>
>>562965613
Not your husband Dave, this is the Dave with the big Tv, the one who works at the same company as your husband, only in management instead of accounting.
>>
>>562966352
>being black
>being police
working on an inside job eh? I can respect that Chrisy boy
>>
http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Masked_Man

I'm this neighbor
>>
>>562962271

I'm a 19 y/o NEET who failed highschool because of DOTA and Hearthstone addiction. I now leech of my parents who I hate.
>>
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>>562962271
>ITT: We pretend we all live in this neighbourhood.
>I'm Dave and I like to mow my lawn at 6.30am.

immediately notify the staffer at the gated community housing estate

There's RULES about this, damnit !

alternative: don't speak to him or reason with him...just change out the petrol in his gas tank with super fuel from the auto center or empty a can of ether into it

bing - bang - boom

no more mowing lawn at devil's hours
>>
>>562966509
noice
>>
>>562966317
Get back to the basement Lilly
>>
>>562963213
Ca...can we like... Be friends?
>>
I'm that old granny who keeps 40 kittens on the porch.
>>
Hi neighbours, my Peruvian pipe music isn't too loud is it? It's just so relaxing to listen to it while I'm in the pool
>>
>>562962271

I love working my 9-5 Monday to Friday job, it's great coming home to my hardwood floors to watch some good ol' fashion reality TV. I wonder who will be kicked off "The voice" today!

Oh look it's Saturday afternoon, better open the garage door!
>>
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>>562966851
I'm going to take one as my own.
>>
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You' been visited by the penis of good fortune. You're going to have good luck for the next week, but only if you say ,"Thank you penis"
>>
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>>562962271
hey sup im Ray-Ray i fuck your wifes when you at work cuz the govment pays my bills. Im a token gettin da pink
>>
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>>562964076
>>
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Hullo my peeples my name is Muhmammad this is my son Ishmael we just moved here from Palestine we live in the third house from the left on the north side of the street, we hope to come in peace.
>>
>>562962271
I'm Ray Peterson and i'm going to spy on the Klopeks.
>OP just watched "The 'Burbs"
>>
>>562967008
fuck you penis
>>
Hi im Nigel and im legally required to tell you I am a registered sex offender, but feel free to drop off your kids for ice cream.
>>
David Davidson here. I sit inside all day on my computer. Most of the neighbors don't know i live here.
>>
>>562967008
>all those disgusting discontinuous veins
>>
>>562966413
Sorry...not into your kind.
Go back home so you can be by your dying fathers side and wait for him to Keel over and gain his money so you won't have to move anywhere.

Also, my kids aren't going to your house anymore. My daughter says you called her 'Loli'. I do to know what that means but I don't like it.
>>
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You' been visited by the penis of good fortune. You're going to have good luck for the next week, but only if you say ,"Thank you penis"
>>
>>562962271
im martin and my little rat of a dog like to yap and bark at all hours. ive sorta trained his barking out to where i dont really hear it anymore. it doesn't bother me. please dont throw rat poison over the fence into my yard.
>>
Sounds like he makes more money. Okay be right over.
>>
>>562966608
My name is Christopher Jordan Dorner. Graduated as a Lieutenant from the US. Navy
>>
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dude that street is in the shape of a meth pipe.
>>
I'm Neo and I enjoy video games, can I move in with somone?
>>
>>562967510
someone said you were top of your class, is this true?
>>
Hi, I'm George. I'm on the Neighborhood Watch.
>>
>>562967060

oh my god Katie do you think they are Muslim?

Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just hope they don't build a mosque around here, you know what I mean?
>>
>>562967512
How's the come down treating you junkie?
>>
>>562966543
See>>562967421
>>
>>562967152
holy shit. are you me? sometimes i wonder if i should get to know my neighbors. i dont know why but i feel kinda weird about it.
>>
>>562962271

Ralph and I have an interacial marriage to a black woman named Shanuiqua.

We have 3 mixed teens and they run around being loud doing niggerish stuff.

My oldest Taeshawn is fucking one of your white snow bunny daughters every night.
>>
Hi. I'm Jerod. Thanks for finally coming. I live in last house on the cul de sac and I've been trapped here ever since the fuckin' city council turned this into a one way street. HELP!
>>
>>562967615
Hi George. Welcome to the neighborhood!
>>
Hey, Mike here again. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up, I just bred a new litter of kittens from my Ragdolls, I should have them ready in a couple months if anyone wants a perfect cat for the kids.
>>
>>562967603
I earned 8 ribbons during my service, I've also written one manifesto. I call my self a writer as well as an survivor, Bear Grylls has been a big motivator for me to do what I have done. I was very good at what I did in the navy, some said I was the top of the class, but I think I was slightly above average.
>>
>>562967653

i haven't shot up (or smoked) meth in 10-11 months. haven't touched any street, prescription or over the counter drugs in 3 months.

doesn't seem like long, but for an addict it's a fucking miracle. longest time i've had sober in my entire life. of course it helps staying sober that i'm looking at 2-3 years incarceration but it's not like i have much desire to get high. been wanting and trying to get clean for the past 2 and a half years and never getting more than a couple weeks to a month.
>>
Hey neighbors I'm Ken and I'm currently living all of my dreams through my children who will go on to do the exact same thing.
>>
My name is Mike, I have 4 kids a big house and a lovely wife
I'm a hardworking man and even though I have everything I still
like cocaine, heavy drinking weed and music, so I try to sneak
that into my everyday life.

Some times I go out of my bed at 2:00AM to lift weights and get coked up.
>>
>>562967421
Sweet

>>562964394
Hey Dave, looks like there's some fun coming your way man.
>>
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>>562963393
>>
>>562967183
Of course your friend zoning me, it's because gods not real and you just don't know what it's like to be with a classy man. And he already died a few days ago I just can't tell anyone because then the police will come and see my elite hacker gear. You daughters perfectly fine here, at least she enjoys knows how to have fun like playing with my mlp and making special cuddles with it. You don't understand me because you believe in a fairytale written by a magic sky man. I'm too euphoric for you anyway.
>>
>>562968112
and occasionally, i'm balls deep in mike's ass because the coke makes him crave cock
>>
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>>562962271
Hi I like to rape.
>>
>>562968118
Denise here. I don't wear underwear all the time. If you guys play your cards right you might get to see if I'm wearing some.
>>
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>>562962271
Drugs at my house
>>
Im Lucy I'm the most intelligent person in the neighbor hood. I have a man and 3 children.
>>
>>562964394
>PS4
>doesnt have a gaming PC
get out of the neighborhood pleb
>>
>>562967867
Hi I'm Conner, I just moved in, I'd like a nice kitty to keep me company! :)

I restore old books for a living and I'm an amateur art dealer. Come right in if you're looking for something snazzy to hang up your wall!

baai!
>>
>>562968247
Come near my daughter and I'll send you to a youth group that will do absolutely nothing.
>>
You can call me Mr.Zimmerman and i moved her abo- Wait a minute. I smell nigger.
>>
>>562968363
I'm Nancy, I also am the most intelligent person in the neighbourhood, even though I have a disfunctional son who likes to dress up like a goth
But I leave him express himself, he'll probably grow out of it in college, while I support him and make him a useless bitch.
>>
>>562962271
I am Carl and I like to plant landmines in Dave's yard to kill him when he mows his lawn at 6:30am.
>>
>>562968678
I'm 45 tho, and do you know where your daughter is now?
>>
>>562968000
bear grylls is a cool guy

i used to be owned by the navy
>>
Well howdy there neighbour, I'm Bob me and the wife Nancy are having a BBQ this weekend and thought that well you being the new neighbours and all you'd like to come along and meet the rest of the street. It'll be a blast bring along the whole family. Oh but if you're wife is black then she can't come.
>>
>>562968721
Nice to meet you Nancy. I feel like we are gonna understand us well. .. Anyways tell me more about your family if you will.
>>
Hi, I'm Dan
>>
>>562968363
Rapey McClown here and I want to rape you first.
>>
i'm also fucking every guy that's legal on the street, because they like my fast cars
>>
I'm Karl. I live in the house at the end of the cul de sac. Help me! I've been stuck here ever since the fuckin' town council made the road a one way street.
>>
>>562962271
I'm Den and i like to snowblow the snow into other peoples yards in the winter.
In the summer my favorite hobby is setting the sprinker to hit the sidewalk and block it
>>
>>562962271
Hi, i am Wiliam.
i like to yell at my wife, because i want my beer ice cold and she only serves it cold.
I also yell at my kids because they are completely retarded and i am the smartest man in this zipcode, and i will do it around dinner time when we grill outside so i can tell you all about my alpha male position in this family
>>
>>562968868
>>562968721

My daughter is with Nancy's son. Idk what they're doing because I can't be bothered to be concerned right now because I'm at Daves.
>>
Hi I'm Shlomo Shekelstein and I'm a Jew with a wife and kids, hope we can all get along!
>>
>>562969194
hi william, I'm Conner, I live right across the street from you
I must say we can count ourselves lucky that no one in the neighborhood has discovered our terrible secret yet…
>>
Hi, I'm Larry, the guy no one likes for no other reason than the fact that I'm the least attractive and to fulfill the role of neighborhood whipping boy. I'm single and have no self esteem. Feel free to laugh at me on your way by and call me a faggot behind my back.
>>
>>562968868
Oh definetly not here!
>>562965958
>>
>>562969290
and this is when i list my house for sale
>>
>>562968363
Lucy, it's Carl the hacker, you claim you are the most intelligent? You cannot match mine because you probably believe in a false diety, that's because none exist. Also you've probably put some really nice guys into the friend zone before and went for some asshole. That alone makes you unintelligent. I am euphoric
>>
>>562969290
Hi shlomo, I'm conner, I'm an amateur (but highly succesful) artdealer, I think we will get along nicely. We might even make a joint investment in the future.
>>
>>562969085
I will rape everyone in the neighborhood then we will all live in a happy rappey neighborhood.
>>
>>562962957
>>562962787

>so i don't hear shit that goes on outside of my house

like that is good

you arent even able to hear the rain when your window is closed
>>
>>562969540
oh we here at The Williams knows all about your little secret.
we have checked your mailbox.
Nothing can be hid from my alpha position and Guardian potential for this neighborhood!
>>
>>562969882
why the fuck would i want to hear the rain? i didn't grow up in some 3rd world country
>>
>>562969608
Oh good, now more of my jew family can come live here! How much are you selling it for?
>>
Hi, I'm Jeffrey, the neighborhood pothead.
>>
>>562969657
Normally I dont even talk with disrespectful people like you. I never saw a hacker that was so straight forward.
Anyways nice to meet you.. *i guess. *
>>
>>562970039
590k... euros
>>
>>562970061
You are welcome in my Garden
>>
>>562962271
i got in one little fight and my mom got scared.

now i'm moving with my auntie and uncle in bel-air.
>>
Hola, I'm...well, call me Paco. I'm here in this neighborhood because it's so quiet and nobody will ever bother me about how I got the money to afford this house.
>>
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Btw everyone, the church is having a bake sale this Friday and the priests expects everyone to show up or you'll be shunned by the community forever.
>>
>>562970013

>why the fuck would i want to hear the rain?

idk m8 i like to

>i didn't grow up in some 3rd world country

what does that have to do with anything lol
>>
>>562969998
(so close to quads)
Oh no; I'm sure we can come to an understanding…
>>
>>562970202
I'll buy it, I exchanged my shekels for euros, thank you!
>>
>>562970247
You have a garden? Cool.
captcha: not suredir
>>
>>562970537
pleasure doing business with you
>>
>>562970185
I'm so straightforward because I don't have to be careful with my identity, I'm behind 7 proxies. It's nice to meet you too, and I swear I'm not disrespectful I'm a very nice guy will a lot of class, rather than some childish swag. Would you like to come over and have some wine? I swear I'm a really nice guy.
>>
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Hi Im Arthur, im really old. I am suspect of Tyrone, because I have well deserved racism for blacks but generally just hate everyone equally.
I also am suspect of Ching Wong who I think he or some of his friends broke into my garage.

I am friends with Giles, but I hate it when he borrows my tools and doesnt return them.
>>
Hi, I'm John. I'm completely and utterly average with a housewife, a dog, cat and 2 children. But, secretly I'm a rapist and a cannibal.
>>
>>562969815
I will rape all the pets and animals and then we will all be a happy rapey family on our happy rapey neighborhood.
>>
>>562970373
Of course the church is having a sale, a sale for your false salvation. I'll take down their website and hack into their accounts and take all the money, I'm behind 7 proxies. None of you will ever be as intelligent and euphoric as me.
>>
>>562970541
hey man, since I'm a nearly artistic type but never got to fulfill my artist dream (i only repair old books and deal in other people's art) I need some mary jane to fill that void so I can pretend to be cool and alternative.
>>
Salutations. I'm Herbert. You're middle aged self employed electrician that does all your electrical work but secretly installs hidden cameras in every room .
>>
>>562971128
I'm sorry I'm still not into you. Just show up and stuff your face
>>
Hey guys, i'm Steven, where the fuck is my lawn mower?
>>
>>562971141
It costs to be cool and alternative.
>>
>>562970428
Thank you for noticing.

and by that, i will keep my mouth shut.
remember you and your family are invited to the annual street barbecue the 22th this month.
BYOB.
>>
>>562962271
I'm Chris and I'm a tremenderous casseroll.
>>
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>>562962271
daves wife
>>
>>562971512
My stupid husband borrowed it. You need it back? Come on over. We can arrange something ;)
>>
>>562962271
Hi guy's im looking to buy a house here. Any for sale?
>>
Hello neighbors. John here, I'm having a barbecue and everyone but that strange lookin' Tyrone fellow is invited.
>>
I am Fred. I live next door to Dave.
I am to all appearances a friendly, recently divorced guy raising two daughters, one 14 years old and the other 12 years old.
I am actually in witness protection after turning in a huge pedophile ring, covering 34 different countries.
Witness protection, and two young girls every three years was my reward.
Every two years the DOJ relocates me and provides me with two new girls. And I still have my extensive collection of "special porn"/
>yfw realizes this shit is true
>>
>>562971704
How did you get my picture
>>
>>562971572
22nd*
>>
I'm John. I recently got fired from my job as a director at a local firm. I've been filling my time up by working as the new head of the home owners association (HOA). Each time someone rolls dubs, the monthly rate goes up $100. For every trips, we kick out a white family and we let in three Mexican families to fill the now vacant house.
>>
Hello! My name is john i regularly take the local kids and you touch their buttholes :3
>>
Hi im Trayvon, I enjoy skittles Arizona Ice Tea, Random Home invasions, Robbery, and Drugs. My best friend is Mike Brown who lives down the street, he also shares the same interest such as Strong Arm Robbing Convenience stores, lots of Drugs, and were in the same local gang set together. I hope that we get along great with George who welcomed us to the neighborhood.
>>
"I just returned from a holiday in Sierra Leone, I have gi-COUGH COUGH COUGH, sorry, gifts for everyone. You have to excuse me I feel a bit feverish.

I left them on your doorsteps after I felt your doorknob if it was open.
>>
>>562962271
jesus christ Dave Im trying to sleep
>>
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Hi guys, my name is Jeffrey, but you all can call me Jeff for short! I live in the apartment complex at the intersection near the end of the street.

Don't mind any strange smells from my apartment, my refrigerator broke recently and my food has spoiled (I'm in the process of cleaning it). Also, one of my tropical fish recently died.

The sound of a chainsaw is just me remodeling the apartment.

I'm sure well all be great friends.
>>
>>562971407
Ok you asked for it I gave you a chance, you just don't understand me and will never understand what it's like to be with such a nice classy guy. I've already linked all your information to 4chan, your in for it. You should have never disrespected someone as intelligent such as myself. We do not forgive, we do not forget. Expect us.
>>
>>562971572
Am I also invited? I will bring cocados made from my mother's recipe back in Colombia.
>>
>>562971539
sure man! I know! I know how to get groovy!
name your price man!
>>
>>562971734
Borrowed? more like stole, what a fucking asshole. Oh well, i guess we can come to an agreement ;)
>>
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>>562972030
He was drinking a watermelon drink you fuck tard. Not fucking ice tea you media sheep. pic from the trial
>>
>>562972030
Puta, I am trying to keep a low profile here. Aye dios mio.
>>
>>562972116
There's nothing you can do that the married woman porn sites have already done.
>>
Hi I'm Dave. I've lived here for 5 years and have never met any of my neighbors. I check my mail with a pistol tucked into my underwear
>>
>>562971572
thx bro! I'll def make it!
>>
>>562972079
Dude, my name's Jeffrey tooooo! Wanna get high?
>>
>>562962271


I'm Mark.

I have severe autism and believe I am Coldsteel the hedgeheg.

I will random interrupt Dave during his 6:30AM mowing with my autism.

"PSSH... NOTHING PERSONNEL.... DAVE..."
>>
>>562972317
;) when and where big boy?
>>
>>562972154
sure thing!
Steve was it ?
same rules for you.
BYOB, oh right!
you are in charge for the " funny hat" theme!
So, go get some wacky tacky hats!
>>
>>562963086
Fuck you Thomas
>>
>>562964057
Sonething tells methis is your life
>>
>>562972079
Hi Jeff! it's nice that you moved here as well
I got that 'thing' you asked for btw…
>>
>>562970680
Yes thanks. When do you have time?
>>
>>562972274
10 for a gram multiply by how many grams you want. It's basic shit. I got chronic, too.
captcha: signed ncechac
>>
>>562972486
Yeah, you'll get really high. It will be totally killer. You'll have such a good time that you'll love it to death.
>>
>>562972426
I'll do much more, I'm euphoric. Just wait until I link all of "loli" to the internet. Then you will never forget my intelligent being.
>>
>>562962271
Doesn't Bother Me, Dave!
I'm up at 6 anyway, by then I'm either eating breakfast or burning my own grass, if you know what I mean...

Just keep the clippings off my car, eh?
>>
>>562972705
Thanks!
>>
i'm john and i hate every single one of you
>>
>>562972710
>>562972785
Cabrones, you are going to get us all raided. I am not going back to Colombia.
>>
>>562972708
I always have time! I, uh... work from home!
>>
Yo! I'm Tyrell.
>>
>>562962271
Hi dave, Im dan,
>>
>>562972803
I'm calling the cyber police!
>>
>>562972710
wow chronic as well man! sounds off the chain and balls mate! how much is chronic? I'll also just get weed, 5 grams should be enough for a joint right? haha, of course I know
>>
>>562962271
I'm Lucy, I'm a housewife that lets my several children run around the neighborhood screaming early in the morning on every weekend.
>>
>>562972710
Hi there, neighbor!

We should really get to know each other better....
>>
>>562973158
Did you forget you damn casual, I'm behind 7 proxies, nothing can get my. I am anonymous. You still have a chance tho, I really am a really nice guy I swear.
>>
>>562965829
Faggot
>>
>>562973260
Your daughters been calling my daughter fat

Bless you
>>
>>562973028
Oh, don't be silly. The police have no reason to be concerned with me.
>>
???? ????. ???? ????.
>>
>>562973401
Id rather sleep with my black lover than a 46 year old computer nerd
>>
>>562973260
High Lucy! I don't care as long as you forget to shut a blind while your changing a time or two! I'm usually high as shit on the weekends and tinkering with a car anyway!
>>
>>562973297
Yea, totally, man.
>>
>>562973168
Sure man, you get what you wanna get.
>>
>>562973517
I can set up if you bring the beer! I love sociable camp fires! But a teepee shape lights much easier in my opinion. ..
>>
>>562973619
I'm 45, shows how stupid you really are. It's because you believe in a god. /b/ is already sending you spam mail and pizza. >>562973517
Denise really needs one on here lawn please, she has a negro lover.
>>
>>562973619
And I'm not a nerd, you don't understand me. I am euphoric.
>>
>>562973989
OOOOHHH pizza, so scared.
>>
Dave. Your republic is forfeit, prepare to be reclaimed by the wasteland!
>>
I'm Matt and I pay illegal mexicans to mow my lawn while I'm at work.
>>
>>562962271
test
>>
>>562967008
thank you penis
>>
>>562973937
Sounds good.
>>
>>562974179
Pizza you didn't pay for! Checkmate m'lady.
>>
>>562967008
Thank you penis
>>
>>562973040
I work at home since 6 years - family. Id have time today. Time?
>>
>>562973989
Sure. We could have a community lyching while we're at it.
>>
>>562973989
Shhsht .. dont talk about it
>>
Hi I'm not a Carl. I'm a Sam. And I like to take my trash out and do yard work wearing just my bathrobe. And my balls hang so low they damn near drag on the ground
>>
>>562974484
I was beginning to think you'd never answer me, I thought I was just another nice guy being ignored once again. In about 2 hours from now, I have to freshen up and pick up my fedora from the dry cleaner. I also have to clean around the house. My dad's been upstairs dead for a few days, I just need to mask the smell.
>>
>>562965070
Do you know some guy named Bean?
>>
>>562974539
Uh excuse me. You have to arrange that with the zoning commity first. There's the playground, pool, church, church playground, dog park, regular park, and daycare. You can't kill people in the vicinity of those places.
>>
>>562974921
Why the hell is your dad dead and in your house?
>>
Hi Guise me and my boyfriend just moved into number 32

We intend to have all our gay friends over for pool parties and general meat fests.

I hope there are no homophobes out there are we will get the pink mafia on you.
>>
My names Ian, I don't know how to work my PC so I will occasionally come to your house asking for help getting back into my e-mail.
>>
>>562975321
Please don't worry about that, just focus on us. I'm a really nice guy. I'm not a douche bag. You've probably only dated douchebags. It's because I can't tell police because them they'll come inside and see my elite hacker gear and guy fawkes mask and know I'm an anonymous legion hacker.
>>
>>562973989
My only true god is speed.
I just realized I forgot my introduction!

I'm Andrew. I'm a mechanical engineer.
I'm an agnostic. I like to go to my friends in the country, shoot guns, work on my cars, barbecue, and drive. I play lots of racing simulators, and sneak that car you always see tucked in the garage out to the track when I get the time. I love music and hi-fi, so I have a large tv and a great system in the living room, which can get loud, but you are much more likely to see me enjoying my high quality headphone collection, usually while sketching up a new rig for my sims, a neat idea for the nieces and nephews, or just while smoking my "hand rolled cigars"

always willing to help those of you who don't piss me off! (And I love the ladies)
>>
Lucy here. I need to get stuff done, i hope to see you again another time!

>I will make a thread planned for tomorrow CET (GMT +1) 9:30 PM
>>
Im Richard, ex military with the occasional contract pretty mellow dude I like plahing guitar and I suspect some dude named mike might be fucking my wife while im overseas fullfiling contract dutys..but quite frankly after 15 years of marriage my lawn elf gives me more of a boner than thag walking psychological sream for help. Plus mike always brings kick ass beer and im not about to fuck that sweet deal up.
>>
>>562962271

I'm lachlan, I never leave my basement
The only two times you saw me were when I moved in and when my smelly, obese corpse was carried out
>>
>>562976110
I love army men.
>>
>>562975049
Oh. PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!
>>
>>562972383
There are two replies to this post.
Post that was reported by the media
"I am very offended by this rebuttal of your ideas on my drinking habits, after I finish with these volunteers at the homeless shelter I will write a very angry letter to my dad, Barack."

The actual post
"Suk meh dik nigga! Shiet i don give no fuk bout what i be drinkin foo fuk yo shit bitch!"
>>
>>562976026
No Lucy please don't leave me, I'm such a nice guy. Your probably going to go out with some asshole christfag somewhere. Your just another one who has fallen into believing a phony god.
>>
>>562973617
There goes the fucking neighborhood
>>
>>562962271
That asshole Dave woke me up this morning. Who the fuck mows their lawn at 6:30 in the morning, anyways?
>Pic related: It's me. I am a tree.
>>
Hello Sam here again.. Just lost my job and had to go on Black-fare. So now I'm going the stand outside and watch y'all go to "WORK" and yell very loud that I was someone at one point
>>
Hi, I'm Ed
I'm friends with a poindexter and half witted moron
Everyday we try to think of ways to swindle kids from the neighborhood for some sweet, delicious jawbreakers but it always end with a disaster.
I really wish my big bro was back, then everyone would treat me with respect I deserve
>>
>>562975935
Hi Andrew, it's me, Carl the hacker, do you by any chance like mlp also? I just want to know because maybe we can be friends because we seem to be the only intelligent ones not influenced by believing in a zombie messiah who is the son of some floating space person.
>>
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Denise here. Here's me and beautiful family.
>>
>>562962271

I'm zimmerman and I'm the neighborhood watch
>>
>>562976915
Denise you really are beautiful, it's me Carl. Loli looks more beautiful than ever in that picture, but not as sweet and classy as you. I swear I really am a nice guy, this is my last and final try to make you realize your wasting such a great opportunity to be with a very nice guy who never disrespects women. I am euphoric.
>>
>>562967615
Hey George, my name is Trayvon. Want some?
>>
>>562977254
Ugh fine! I'll fuck you. But to be perfectly clear, this is just pity sex. In exchange, don't come near my daughter. If you want, I'll dress up in a school girl outfit.
>>
>mfw I think that's my block...
>>
>>562976431
Lucy, when you're done with him, I'll be here educated, furnished, clean, with a 6 figure income, a decent appearance, pleasant smell, well mannered, and with an average time in bed of about 35 minutes.
Thread posts: 306
Thread images: 46


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