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Hey /b/, I need some help Well, basically, I need to get rid

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 148
Thread images: 27

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Hey /b/, I need some help

Well, basically, I need to get rid of my finger, don't ask me why...
How do I do effectively? I could just chop it off with a cleaver, but it HAS to look like an accident...
Also, the i don't give a shit about how much it hurts, it just has to look like an accident
>>
>>561774534
If you wear a ring, just get it hooked on something and yank.
>>
Get blender
Put desired finger in blender
Turn it on
????
Profit.
>>
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>>561774534
run it through a bandsaw. 15000 nine-fingered shop teachers can't be wrong
>>
pls tell why
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toNsPh-pxgc
>>
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>>561775121
this, find a friend with a workshop, say you were helping, cut it off, slightly injure other finger for more realism
>>
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>>561774912
Yeah, that's amazing, thanks mate
>>
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>>561775121
This

Had a kid in woodshop class I took use a table saw as a substitute for a planner (very retarded) and he ended up chopping his pinky finger off and half of his ringer finger off.
>>
>>561775264
this
>>
knife, say you were cutting something, thats the easiest way. a bench saw or any saw for cutting wood, its very quick and cant not look like an accident. good luck and post a photo
>>
>>561774534
chainsaw nigga
>>
>>561775501
yeah, that could work too

>>561775264
no, it's too autistic
>>
>>561774905
That'll just deglove it, which hurts a lot but doesn't take the finger off.
>>
>>561775681
>no, it's too autistic
So it's not some kind of fraud for money. You just want to get rid of your finger for autistic anime reasons.
>>
>>561775662
i'll try, won't be today tho
>>
>>561775681
its for assasins creed isn't it
>>
>>561774534
wheres the blood?

also that filename
>>
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>>561774534
>don't ask me why...

Why?
>>
>>561775681
We are on /b/ tell the goddamn story
>>
>>561775509
um sauce?
>>
>>561775873
no, it's nothing weeaboo related, but if I told you guys, you wouldn't even believe
>>
Why do you need to cut your finger off? So you can scam Uncle Sam for disability? So you can get an ex arrested? So you can be a freak and join the circus? Tell us. We can come up with a perfect way to do this.
>>
>>561776113
Shut the fuck up, nerd, and tell us why. Can't be more autistic than being scared of looking autistic in front of /b/.
>>
>>561776113
>believing things
>/b/
Just tell the story.
>>
>>561776042
nothing cool, it was a silly tutorial about how to trick your friends into thinking that you actually cut it
>>
>>561776249
this
>>
OP god damn it, why?

also band saw/electric saw/some other high speed moving blade, should hurt least and make cleanest cut, try local anesthetic or getting really drunk/high first and have a friend help you make sure you don't injure yourself beyond the target removal
>>
>>561776113
Then why don't you just tell? Why would you even care if we believe it or not?
>>
>>561776000
dude he got fucking trips. you NEED to tell the story now
>>
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>>561774534
The other thing is, do you want to make sure they don't re-attach it at the hospital? If not, you're going to have to do something stupid to it so they can't -- ie, put it in a baggie of salt or rubbing alcohol instead of on ice, and tell them you thought that's what you were supposed to do in the shock of it all.

Basically, you want to fuck it up so they can't easily and cleanly re attach it. Or, if it's just the cutting that's important, by all means put it on ice.
>>
>>561776249
This

Fucking tell us the story already, OP
>>
>>561776369
Not being sober could cause problems when you get to the hospital.
>>
>>561776423
My trips i didn't even notice
He's right tell it now!
>>
>>561776446
Blow it up with fireworks.
>>
>>561776547
that's a fair consideration, scratch that idea
>>
Livestream it plz
>>
>>561776113
Please, tell us.
There has to be a good reason for cutting off a perfectly innocent finger
>>
>>561776128
I guess you're right.

Okay then, there is no way you're gonna trust me this one, but since you asked, sure

So, do you know "Hello Kitty" by Avril Lavigne? I used to fucking hate it, but as I played it over and over, I started to like the chorus.

>Come come kitty kitty you're so pretty pretty...

So, I got fucking hooked up to the fucking song, I had to listen to it over and over again, and then I got really pissed off at myself, and promised that if I play the song one more time, my finger goes away. I didn't listen to it yet, but I can't resist the urge, so I already accepted my fate.


I know, I'm the biggest cock sucker ever, and I feel ashamed of myself, but it's like when you're addicted to cigarettes and you just need to smoke
>>
>>561776715
you dont know where its been....
>>
>>561776113
Why the fuck should I care if it's believable, anon?
Just tell us the story already.
>>
Just crush it and have the doctors take it off. Super easy to do. Super easy to explain.
>>
>>561775121
I think this is the way to go unless you have a knife but I still think that won't look genuine enough. OP do you have that diease or disorder where you feel like a certain body part doesn't belong?
>>
>>561776715
let's not be presumptuous here anon
that finger could be a bastard
>>
>>561777063
kek'd
>>
>>561777063
Gayest reason ever.
>>
OP cant fit his whole hand up ass its just to big so he has to cut a finger off
>>
>>561777063
That is pretty autistic.
>>
>>561777063
gj op ur maester
>>
>>561777063
what a fuckin autist lamo
>>
>>561777063
I think the part of this I have a hard time with is why would you continue listening to it if you hates it?
>>
>>561777063
you'll regret cutting your finger off later. don't do it op. just stop being a faggot and you will no longer have the urge to listen to that song.
>>
>>561777063
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
>>
>>561777063
Kek 8/8
>>
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>>561777063
wow you werent kidding.
>>
>>561777063
Not even a bad song lol
>>
>>561777434
because it's so addictive
>>
>>561777434
he hates that he loves it
>>
>>561777063
get mental help kid

a more sane punishment would have been bashing your computer btw
>>
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>>
I would ask why but...

Either slam it really hard in a door or window. Or stick it in a lawnmower blade while it's spinning.
>>
>>561775890
i think we have a winrar
>>
>>561777729
i'd rather cut off my finger than bash my pc...
>>
>>561777676
hmm this is all I have to say to that
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiaYDPRedWQ
>>
>>561777817
wat
>>
>>561777071

Obviously attached to a crazy person.

Op has made a vow to hurt himself for listening to a song he loves. pretty sure he's on his way to full blown skitzophrenia
>>
>>561777817
Whenever I see this gif all I can think of is "why?" Why would you do that?
>>
>>561776042
oh retard me, wtf am I talking about xD

I have no idea, sorry mate
>>
>>561777817

Explanation please
>>
>>561777926
And that's why Hello Kitty is the closest you'll ever come to pussy
>>
Yakuzafag huh?
>>
>>561777926
you can't easily reattach a finger

fuck you can't even type well without a finger

pc can be replaced, but costs time and money

sounds like you need a therapist though to reevaluate your priorities
>>
>>561778170
shits and giggles, mate. shits and giggles.
>>
>>561774534
dry ice, painkillers, eat all the ice cream you got the dry ice with and fall asleep with your finger in the bowl of dry ice
>>
>>561778041
FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY ANON, WHY
>>
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>>561778208
>>
>>561778041
kek
>>
>>561778297
READ THE THREAD SHITHEAD
>>
>>561778431
You better do it now. I demand live stream of you cutting your finger off with a knife. Just claim you tried to cut something hard, like.. idk, a coconut, and since you're a fucking retard you tried to do it with a regular knife and it slipped and you cut your finger off.
>>
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>>561777063
>>
>>561774534
post results
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9K_T_klwRQ
>>
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>>561777063
I know dat feel.

I have the "Links 2, 3, 4" from Rammstein since 12years in my head ...
>>
>>561778721
I'd love to, but I have to prepare for this shit
>>
Do it on stream. That way you could use the excuse that cyber bullies forced you to do it.
>>
>>561778874
DO IT FAGGOT
>>
>>561777817
It's clearly fucking fake, no blood, you can see just before he fires that the gun is just pressed against wood too.
>>
>>561778431
Well you did say if you heard it one more time you would have to do it. Now you have ideas how and access to a computer. Livestream that shit nigga
>>
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>>561778431
>>
Cut off thumb, loses the most hand motion which would mean more compensation
>>
>>561779053
I chose to do it with the blender, so my finger gets all fucked up, that way doctors wont put it back. The problem is, I don't have a blender...
>>
>>561776547
but being drunk will make it look more like an accident unless under&ge.
>>
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>>561777063
>>
>>561777063
kek'd
>>
>>561779327
lawnmower would work
>>
>>561777063
op, you're gold.
>>
>>561778041
this has to be the most cringe-inducing song I've heard in my entire life

worse than that shitty gangnam style parody https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTin-eTnkOM

how the fuck anyone could play this more than once is baffling
>>
>>561778874

Op, cool your shit. There is no reason or benefit to removing your finger. you're better off getting a taser and shocking yourself every time you listen to it. That finger could safe your life some day. You could need it for typing or playing the piano.

Imagine never getting a full grip again. Plus there could be ghost pain or residual nerve damage. It's not worth it.
>>
>>561779649
*your
>>
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>>561777063
>>
>>561777063
this is why i /b/
>>
>>561779327
if its about punishment why dont you suck a cock instead, put an ad on craigslist or backpage and take the first responder
>>
>>561779924
Go back to Facebook
>>
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>>561776249
this

op pls tell
>>
>>561777063
God op at least you were right
>>
>>561779827
yeah, i like the taser idea...
>>
>>561777063
that blew my mind op
>>
>Bite it off
>Say someone/something else bit it off.
>???
>Profit?
>>
>>561780148
du et faglord
>>
>>561780128
are you retarded, read the thread
>>
>>561779843
make sure you hooked that bait firmly
>>
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"[Verse 2]
Wake up, got a secret
Pinky swear that you're gonna keep it
I've got something you need to see"

Im fucking on to you OP.
>>
>>561779784
Agreed, it's even worse than this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udf0g3cZwZ0
>>
>>561779327
Just tell them not to reattach it, retard. This is fiction and falsehood.
>>
OP just post a picture of yourself with a sharpie in your ass. the embarrasment will void any possible listenings in the future
>>
HELLO KITTY
>>
>>561779784
I couldn't even make it through the whole thing once. I felt my balls trying to shoot back up into my body so they could choke me to death rather than listen to it any longer.
>>
KA KA KA KA WA II
>>
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>>561780040
>>
>>561780325
...
>>
>>561780148

A good taser hurts like hell. Shock training is a good way to force yourself to learn to dislike things. Really you shouldn't be ashamed though.

The Brain itself decides it likes certain songs even if the owner doesn't. (earworms) but eventually gets bored or distracted and stops replaying the tune in your head. Some have luck playing other repetitive songs. Just choose one you like
>>
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>>561777063
ERRMAGERD ILY OP KEKD FOR AN HOUR
>>
>>561780978
Go back to 9gag
>>
>>561781552
thanks, I'll try
>>
>>561781728
>errmergerd
>ily
Holy shit kill yourself
>>
>>561776042
Its from a movie called Aftermath http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aftermath_%281994_film%29

Google is your friend, faggot.
>>
>>561774534
Start cutting vegetables and just cut it off and scratch a couple other fingers for realism.
>>
M-m-master troll!

>mfw next week will be on liveleak a video of some kid bleeding to death because of an arm stuck in the lawnmowner
>>
>>561774534
Start cutting vegetables and just cut it off and scratch a couple other fingers for realism. That might work.
>>
>>561782149
I tried but it seems like OPussy is going with a taser, faggot
>>
OP, you might have Body Integrity Identity Disorder. That Avtil Lavigne shit is a ruse.
>>
>>561782541
Yeah, the taser is much better, cutting of my finger is just dumb... Thanks to the taser dude I'm gonna keep my pinky
>>
>>561777063
lolwut.

just deal with it pussy. i quit heroin cold turkey. and you never quit heroin. talking about it right now really makes me want some fucking heroin. but i won't get it. you know why? because i understand that pleasure is meaningless, especially the kind that chains you to fucking shit that ruins your life.

don't cut off your finger you stupid fuck.
>>
This reminds me of the Spongebob episode "Earworm".
>>
>>561783058
yeah. I wont, I'll just buy the taser
>>
>>561777063

Someone screencap/archive this shit.
>>
>>561782861
well yeah but thats the whole point. Don't you want to do what you set out to do instead of proving your a faggot and pussying out with a taser all the while living forever on the internet and becoming a legend? I say cut the finger off
>>
>>561782861
>>
>>561783324
i dunno...
>>
>>561783324

You. Be a legend. Nao!
>>
>>561783474
Cmon OP you know you want to. You came here wanting to find a good way to cut off your finger and be the badass that cut off your own appendage but you are leaving the pussy that decided shocking yourself would be better
>>
>>561784518
>be annon internet hero
>still have finger, which is actually usefull

such a hard choise..
>>
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pull yourself through a tear in the space-time continuum, but leave a bit of your finger sticking out as it closes
should be painless
>>
>>561784727
I'll probably stick to being a faggot, I won't cut it right now, but I may in the future. If that happens, I will be sure to at least live stream it. I won't become a legend, but that's ok, I didn't come here to become one
>>
>>561784727

>be a legend
>be a hero

The choice is in your hands.
>>
>>561775890
it all makes sense now

also OP is a retard Leonardo Davinci invented hidden blades where you don't need to cut your finger off. they probably added that int the game because of autists like you cutting their fingers off
>>
>>561785262
OP never ceases to prove he is a faggot and never delivers as usual
>>
>>561785930
i will deliver, but today's not the day
Thread posts: 148
Thread images: 27


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