Hi /b/. I always lurk and never really post but tonight I need to ask a favor. Can I have a thread where we all get drunk and post things. Doesn't matter what. Whatever makes you laugh or cry or rage. I need to feel a little better about drinking alone.
what makes me rage? my friend's stupid taste in food, for gods sake.
today, we didnt know where to eat (we're 4 people) and this asshole reccomended some place, some streets away. we went there and..fucking damnit dude, awful food. i think i got poisoned or something. god damned asshole..we all agreed never to trust him again, for any matter
god damnit. he's still my best friend, though. lol
>>560684532 No rage bro...Cool pic on your OP, been there done that; only different theater. So, for you my friend, a classic high five in slowish motion with some "bro" behind it and a pic of when things were awesome.. Be good OP, hang in there..
Oh I remember the days, drinking alone and what not; until it got too extreme.
Almost 1 year sober and couldn't be happier. If you're stuck in a hole Op, get out of it; otherwise if you're in a controlled environment then just keep enjoying life while it's here and steer clear of depression.
>>560688687 I'm in a shitty relationship. Paired along with anger issues and trust issues, it makes things a lot worse on both sides. Two years of college and then transferred. 50k in debt but nothing passed over. Working my ass off to pay for everything I need to but it seems like im not going anywhere in this life. So I turned to drinking every night to feel somewhat okay.
My ex girlfriend was a heroin addict who was also bisexual and in a relationship with another female heroin addict; she also liked to have sex with her drug dealer for the smallest of things such as tablets which have a street value of absolutely nothing.
I knew all of this was happening, I just didn't do anything because of a fear of being alone.
I suggest getting out of that relationship, continue working and only pick up the bottle every now and again when it's really deserved.
Life is naturally boring and troublesome, the rest depends on what you make it.
>>560689337 >about the picture I think in one way or another, people already know that compared to the universe in scale, human life is essentially meaningless. The point is, that the meaning an individual life has, be it yours or someone else's, is entirely dependent on what value they or you assign to theirs/yours.
I probably missed the entire point of that picture, but that's my 2 cents.
The quick story before I tell you what happened goes like this; We started talking, we both got on good, when our dates came though it got to the stage where I would ask her out and get alcohol also because I knew she'd fall through on the date and I'd end up getting drunk and browsing those "Suicide Chat Lines" online for somebody to talk to.
In March last year I had a suicide attempt weeks after my Birthday (I always have bad luck or events after my birthday for some reason for the past couple of years). In May her ex girlfriend interfered again so I got drunk, her ex started texting me so I phoned her; threatened to rape her and her family then murder her family whilst she watches; and I stabbed myself from anger.
That was it; it took a suicide attempt and self-inflicted knife wound to push me away from the thing that would have killed me.
She asked to meet up in the city later so I could give her back some clothes I had belong to her; I told her if she wants them she can give me her address and I'll mail them.. I still have the clothes in a parcel envelope on my wardrobe; waiting to burn them in the yearly fire-blaze that the country does.
As soon as he started explaining about his dog I lost, I knew what was coming and I lost big time.
I really have to say that no matter how much shit happens on /b/ or how many times it's in the news as being "malicious" and so on, no matter how much hate spreads around here; deep down everybody acknowledges each other and everybody here has feelings regardless of whether they want to admit it or not.
Again, for the reason of alcohol being involved and because of how relationships can get; I'd recommend getting out of that relationship you're in because at the end of it all, it's better to be alone and have a chance, than to be dead.
>>560693650 You're going to be the anon that changed my life. I hope you know. It sounds stupid and pathetic but I needed that push. I needed those words. I needed some wisdom. You saved some random guy tonight.
just woke up so i wont drink. what makes me rage is my family. can't stand most of them, especially not my dad. dunno why but whenever i talk to him i get angry. i don't cry anymore unless my mother yells at me, which is weird since i'm not a kid anymore. most things makes me laugh, even forgetting something at home.
And that's what being an "Anon" is about. It was much more effective without the ID's in times like this because it showed it wasn't just one person that wanted you to live, it was a group of people.
Come back and fight your way up; forget what other people think or feel about you and just do your own thing in this world.
I've come to realize that Alcohol is only ever something we turn to when we're sad, depressed or need to relax; once you learn how to deal with these then you find yourself living alcohol free with no reason to drink.
I need to go to bed now. I wanted to thank everyone who contributed to this thread. You guys are my family and this right here is the reason I stay through all the shitty threads and everything. And I love all of you. Even the fags. Night /b/ros
I wish I had half the guts some people do on /b/ to go raid or troll some bitch. Then I head to where they say and I no longer feel the motivation to do anything. I feel some sort of weird guilt complex. In the back of my mind it's like, "But why? It's not like anyone will know who you are," and I just can't explain it. I can't get myself motivated for much of anything.
I'm talentless, I'm utterly worthless and some people would tell me to end it. I'm just not selfish enough, I guess. It's also the guilt of putting my family through something so stupid. I'm afraid of drinking, but alcoholism runs in my family. Turning to drugs is similarly as useless. Addictive personalities run in my family. On top of everything, I smoke, yet another stupid addiction my family has.
I can't hold a conversation either. I just never know what to talk about. We can talk about your day, but talking about mine is useless because I never do anything of note besides browse /b/ and a couple forums.
I'm a huge loser at the genetic lottery, if you look at both sides of my family. So many hereditary problems.
I have three dogs myself, the dog I've had the oldest is my own dog and I remember when I used to get bullied in school I would just spend my days sheltered and playing with my dog or laying down next to him. I know that one of these days he will die because he is old now and every time I think about it and what it's going to be like not having him around anymore; it just breaks my heart and brings tears straight to my eyes.
>>560695990 The lack of motivation may be caused by lack of direction. When's the last time you set a goal or held yourself to a high standard? The lack of motivation to be malicious isn't terrible at all. If anything, no motivation to do something with hurtful intent to another, even if you have no identity, shows you're a good person when it comes down to your true character. Just because people have talent, doesn't mean they're worth shit. I was left and right when I was playing ice hockey at an international level, when people have talent, some don't have the work ethic to keep themselves at a high level. Develop strong work ethic and always strive for improvement. Being selfless isn't bad, but being selfish isn't terrible. I can't say much about it. Have fun while you can while keeping in mind the safety of others, although, it shouldn't be a problem because you seem to be very paranoid about hurting anything. Get a job somewhere that forces you to create conversation, and with time, it will become much easier. Genetics doesn't mean shit or anything about "the luck of the draw". Sure, bad shits going to happen, but, a large portion of who you are depends on yourself. Will not reply, going to hike a mountain at midnight and leaving. god speed, faggot
I can't remember the last time I've showed remorse for humans over animals. Humans create wars, kill themselves for religious purposes, they kill themselves because one of them has something better than the other person. Civilization generally has a lack of interest from me except for the people here on /b/ because I know the majority of people who aren't faggots have the same mindset.
>>560700827 i always thought i was cool or whatever cause i had outgrown crying. and i do remeber the last time i did, birthday bike stolen while doing commuity service, it just felt so wrong and was also the last time i helped anyone i wasnt fucking, but i (incorrectly) relized it did nothing benafical so i just stoped, cant even begin to expain some of the shit ive gon through since then but now i miss it. i really want to jus cry (kinda gay i know) and let go of all this shit ive been holding in
Nothing gay about showing emotion. Men have always learned to bottle their emotions because since the beginning of mankind it is man who was the hunter; he learned to focus on his work and it's become a part of who we are today, so now the challenge is actually learning how to deal with and show emotion.
>>560701917 It was only a matter of time before they arrived.
Anyway, I want to share a song with you folks from my old "Depression" playlist
I don't regret it; and to be honest I don't even think anything of it or process it to be anything relevant to my life. I used to tell myself how I felt bad for the guy she was in a relationship with, but then I tell myself to stop being pretentious; if I really did feel that bad then I wouldn't have done it.
>>560709812 I should of put it in a better form of context I mean like her being in a relation is w/e do you wish you chose someone different to get some sense of satisfaction or are you contempt with banging her for your first
I think coming to terms with the realization that I had a problem with alcohol and as a result of the 6 months I had spent in a relationship that had driven me almost to death; I wanted to try anything to help "get better".
The only thing I do regret is not having my first time with somebody special, but the way people throw themselves out there now; it's uncommon to find a girl who is also a virgin unless you're willing to become a pedophile.
In the continuing effort to gain some idea of how one appears to other people, nothing is more useful than exposing oneself to an audience of strangers in a bookstore or a lecture hall. Very often, for example, sitting anxiously in the front row are motherly-looking ladies who, when they later come to have their books inscribed, will say such reassuring things as: "It's so nice to meet you in person: I had the impression that you were so angry and maybe unhappy." I hadn't been at all aware of creating this effect. (One of them, asking me to sign her copy of my Letters to a Young Contrarian, said to me wistfully: "I bought a copy of this to give to my son, hoping he'd become a contrarian, but he refused." Adorno would have appreciated the paradox.)
>>560712667 2/? More affecting still is the anxious, considerate way that my hosts greet me, sometimes even at the airport, with a large bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label. It's almost as if they feel that they must propitiate the demon that I bring along with me. Interviewers arriving at my apartment frequently do the same, as if appeasing the insatiable. I don't want to say anything that will put even a small dent into this happy practice, but I do feel that I owe a few words. There was a time when I could reckon to outperform all but the most hardened imbibers, but I now drink relatively carefully. This ought to be obvious by induction: on average I produce at least a thousand words of printable copy every day, and sometimes more. I have never missed a deadline. I give a class or a lecture or a seminar perhaps four times a month and have never been late for an engagement or shown up the worse for wear. My boyish visage and my mellifluous tones are fairly regularly to be seen and heard on TV and radio, and nothing will amplify the slightest slur more than the studio microphone. (I think I did once appear on the BBC when fractionally whiffled, but those who asked me about it later were not sure whether I was not, a few days after September 11, a bit angry as well as a bit tired.) Anyway, it should be obvious that I couldn't do all of this if I was what the English so bluntly call a "piss-artist."
It's the professional deformation of many writers, and has ruined not a few. (I remember Kingsley Amis, himself no slouch, saying that he could tell on what page of the novel Paul Scott had reached for the bottle and thrown caution to the winds.) I work at home, where there is indeed a bar-room, and can suit myself. But I don't. At about half past midday, a decent slug of Mr. Walker's amber restorative, cut with Perrier water (an ideal delivery system) and no ice. At luncheon, perhaps half a bottle of red wine: not always more but never less. Then back to the desk, and ready to repeat the treatment at the evening meal. No "after dinner drinks"— most especially nothing sweet and never, ever any brandy. "Nightcaps" depend on how well the day went, but always the mixture as before. No mixing: no messing around with a gin here and a vodka there.
Alcohol makes other people less tedious, and food less bland, and can help provide what the Greeks called entheos, or the slight buzz of inspiration when reading or writing. The only worthwhile miracle in the New Testament— the transmutation of water into wine during the wedding at Cana— is a tribute to the persistence of Hellenism in an otherwise austere Judaea. The same applies to the Seder at Passover, which is obviously modeled on the Platonic symposium: questions are asked (especially of the young) while wine is circulated.
>>560712667 No better form of sodality has ever been devised: at Oxford one was positively expected to take wine during tutorials. The tongue must be untied. It's not a coincidence that Omar Khayyam, rebuking and ridiculing the stone-faced Iranian mullahs of his time, pointed to the value of the grape as a mockery of their joyless and sterile regime. Visiting today's Iran, I was delighted to find that citizens made a point of defying the clerical ban on booze, keeping it in their homes for visitors even if they didn't particularly take to it themselves, and bootlegging it with great brio and ingenuity. These small revolutions affirm the human.
At the wild Saturnalia that climaxes John Steinbeck's Tortilla Flat, the charismatic Danny manages to lay so many women that, afterward, even the females who didn't receive his attentions prefer to claim, rather than appear to have been overlooked, that they were included, too. I can't make any comparable boast but quite often I get second-hand reports about people who claim to have spent evenings in my company that belong to song, story, and legend when it comes to the Dionysian.
>>560712667 I once paid a visit to the grotesque holding-pen that the United States government maintains at Guantánamo Bay in Cuba. There wasn't an unsupervised moment on the whole trip, and the main meal we ate— a heavily calorific affair that was supposed to demonstrate how well-nourished the detainees were— was made even more inedible by the way that water (with the option of a can of Sprite) flowed like wine. Yet a few days later I ran into a friend at the White House who told me half-admiringly: "Way to go at Guantánamo: they say you managed to get your own bottle and open it down on the beach and have a party." This would have been utterly unfeasible in that bizarre Cuban enclave, half-madrassa and half-stockade, but it was still completely and willingly believed. Publicity means that actions are judged by reputations and not the other way about: I never wonder how it happens that mythical figures in religious history come to have fantastic rumors credited to their names.
"Hitch: making rules about drinking can be the sign of an alcoholic," as Martin Amis once teasingly said to me. (Adorno would have savored that, as well.) Of course, watching the clock for the start-time is probably a bad sign, but here are some simple pieces of advice for the young. Don't drink on an empty stomach: the main point of the refreshment is the enhancement of food. Don't drink if you have the blues: it's a junk cure. Drink when you are in a good mood. Cheap booze is a false economy. It's not true that you shouldn't drink alone: these can be the happiest glasses you ever drain. Hangovers are another bad sign, and you should not expect to be believed if you take refuge in saying you can't properly remember last night. (If you really don't remember, that's an even worse sign.) Avoid all narcotics: these make you more boring rather than less and are not designed— as are the grape and the grain— to enliven company. Be careful about up-grading too far to single malt Scotch: when you are voyaging in rough countries it won't be easily available. Never even think about driving a car if you have taken a drop. It's much worse to see a woman drunk than a man: I don't know quite why this is true but it just is. Don't ever be responsible for it.
Now that we're on the topic of writing, I figure I'd share this.
I used to write my own rap songs to instrumentals, I never explored with a singing voice so writing verses was the best way to vent stress.
Here's one of the ones I didn't record (yet)
Can't you see I'm far from perfect I just try to live my life / I'd like to go a single day Without reaching for a knife / I want to bottle all this pain And throw it all away / Similar to the bottles I drink Because it helps me maintain / Wish there was a smile on your face Once you know I want to change / I don't want to stay this way I'm tired of this drink / And the cravings for some drugs I know these thoughts that I have / They've gotten beyond insane It's suicide or murder / The first will be a burden I know people may cry / Or speak of the gifts that I had Whereas the second is a crime / I'll be noted as more scum I'm the lowest of the earth / I don't need murder to be low Don't need you saying that I'm bad / I know it's a fucking fact If I could go back in time / Would miscarrage before my birth Or an abortion up front / This is the path that I chose These are the demons I must fight / While I contemplate my death Then reach my very end /
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