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ITT: shit/masturbation stories
>masturbating while anally fingering myself
>It's dry in there, so I lube up with some butter
>use whole stick
>cum buckets, clean up mess, forget about it
>later, watching sex and the city
>stomach gurgles like an enthusiastic whore deep throating
>I stand up off the sofa
>there's a stain on the sofa
>noise like a placenta dropping into a plastic bag
>ass gains ten pounds of weight
>clampdown anal sphincter like the US-Mexican border
>like that border, can't stop some brown shit leaking out
>rush to bedroom
>find grandma's Christmas present
>bulletproof, brown, thick woollen knitted sock
>strain just to open up the sock its so thick
>angle ass over it
>drop load
>wet splash as massive shit drops in
>the wool is hairy and tickling my ass
>now the shit is coming piece by piece
>plopping stops
>solids gone
>start leaking liquid
>it's the melted butter
>yellow, fatty, with a brown tinge
>suddenly the smell is overwhelming
>hold down my vomit
>the sock is so thick it's almost waterproof
>almost
>anal leaking ends
>pull up pants and run outside
>the wool is absorbing the shit butter and the smell is maturing
>This is also the sock I cum into, and the smell is combining
>My neighbour's thirteen year old daughter is out mowing the lawn
>the smell hits her, and she vomits up a pbj sandwich
>If I didn't have my shit butter sock I would have raped her then and there
>My chub is pressing against my fly
>I go to the corner shop, people reeling away from the reek
>There's this homeless nigger outside that I fucking hate
>dunno why, I just do
>He sees me approaching and holds out his cup of change
>>
>>560230189
>then the smell hits him
>his eyes water and he tries to cover his mouth
>fuck him
>slap him with the sock and pour shit butter cum over him
>The shit butter smell mingles with the unwashed nigger smell
>I prematurely ejaculate and enter the store in the commotion
>steal two apples and stick them up my anus
>everyone's trying to help the poor nigger without touching him
>they're going to need hazmats
>go home, watch cp, come back the next day and the nigger's gone
tl;dr: I got rid of my shit and the nigger, and had the two sweetest apples I've ever tasted.
Got any stories?
>>
>>560230189
Couldn't just go to the bathroom?
>>
>>560230593
fuck that shit, wouldn't have been as satisfying
>>
>>560230783
Sounds like you wanted to be a faggot.
>>
TOP KEK OP
>>
>>560231049
say that once you've tried shitting into your grandma's socks
>>
>Be me
>Be faggot
>Fingering my asshole
>Get poop on my finger
>Decide to wash out my ass
>Have removable shower head
>Spray water completely up my ass.
>Fill my ass with water
>I can piss out my ass
>Keep doing this a few times till my ass is completely clean
will continue
>>
>>560230260
And that's the story of how we got Ebola over here.
>>
>>560231358
>Finger my ass for a bit
>All done
>Go watch some Tv
>oh god
>Feel the urge to shit
>Sister in the bathroom
>There was water in my intestines or something
>The water is now poop water
>Poop water leaking out my anus
>Go into backyard
>Literally spray poop water several feet
>My shorts and underwear are soaked
>Look up
>Neighbor watching
>I just stare back as she looks at my dick
>>
>>560231912
Your neighbor has her priorities straight
>see guy spraying shit water
>stare at his dick
>>
I got one
>try making poo pleasure
>using mini torch as dildo
>sit on floor, torch under boi pussy
>going slow with the flow, don't want to go to deep
>foot slips on carpet making me move forward
>feel torch touch my vertebrae
>disaintgonbgood.webm
>have to fist myself to pull torch out
>finally get torch along with shit nugget now on carpet
>spend rest of day cleaning carpet and airing out room
>never make poo pleasure again
>>
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what the fuck is this bread
>>
>>560230189
>>560230260
Jesus Christ, OP
>>
>>560233602
>>560233829
newfags
welcome to /b/
>>
>>560230260
Why did you watch cp
Cp is wrong and it makes you a horrible person
>>
>>560235048
Fuck off.
>>
>>560235048
You're right, I'll change
I'm sorry I'm so horrible
Thread posts: 19
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Thread images: 4