>get home from school after first day of kindergarten >mom asks if there were any cute girls in my class >no idea what sexuality is at the time, didn't realize this wasn't normal when I answered >"No, but there was a really cute guy" >mom beats the shit out of me, breaks 5 of my fingers and one of my arms >sends me to live with my dad / step mom / half brother, didn't tell them why, just said "I don't want him anymore" >step mom hates me because my dad cheated on her with my mom, half brother hates me because his mom hates me >eventually tell them why my mom sent me away >dad is disappointed, half brother hates me even more now, beats me up every time he has a small excuse, step mom refuses to talk to me, always makes food she knows I hate >fastforward through my shitty abusive childhood >be in a loving relationship for 2 years >bf suddenly breaks up with me out of nowhere >feeling suicidal and depressed, "life is suffering" is literally all I've known >call friend from high school I haven't talked to in a few years >tell him everything that's gone on, ask him to hang out with me just so I won't bee alone >He comes over for dinner, hangs out, just have a good time in general with my friend >turns out he'd actually moved out of state, and he drove over 300 miles just to have dinner with me when I asked
^remember there is always someone that cares about you
>>559175017 I wish I could still get sad, calvin and hobbes was my childhood. However, years of depression followed by extreme self improvement and forced mental changes made me this way. Sadness isn't really something in my mental repertoire anymore. I don't know how to feel, figuratively and literally.
>>559173973 The funny thing is that there is a certain truth to this. I've started caving and diving as of about a year ago. The world looks just a little different after those experiences. I can't imagine going to the moon. Imagine experiencing such lonely magnificent desolation.
>Im 17 >Parents got divorced when i was 3 >Grew up going to mom's on weekends >Mom has a string of relationships While dad is single entire time >Mom finally gets remarried, has another kid. >Dad is still single and alone >Mom gets mad that I don't stay with her often >Thinks It's because my dad has more money then her. >Doesn't understand that it has nothing to do with that >Mom has my little brother and her husband aswell as me >Dad has no one but me, no friends ect >She thinks I stay at my dads because I dislike her. >She is depressed, starts drinking >Come home to see my dad crying in the kitchen >Don't know what to do, if I stay with dad I can try to support him but mom hates me for it.
>>559186197 hot damn... just fuck... I was fortunate enough to not have my parents divorce until I was around 18, the fighting was there when I was younger, but I didn't have to choose. You're in a tight bind. The best I was able to do once in a similar situation is explain as best as I could to my parents my perspective, and let them do what they will with it. My relationship with them both is shaky at best, but I think this helped. They are the adults, they are your parents... and as hard as it can be, you have to detach yourself from the mentality of taking care of them. Do what you can, but set limits on your charity, because they wont.
>Me >Take girl to a concert >Having a good time >Concert ends earlier than I though >Take her to my house >8 ball said I will fuck her >Drink something with her >Spend three hours talking about why her boyfriend's a dick and why she loves her >Not even kissed her >Take her to her house >'Bye Anon, I had a really good time, I love to be your friend!" >foock >I was ready for her german-arab pussy
>>559186949 I know I shouldn't try to take care of them but I hate seeing my parents cry or get angry. Especially my father who always did the best for me, I honestly believe i am the sole reason he is single because he has had alot of women obviously like him but i don't think he wanted me to be exposed to that.
>>559187573 I know, I've tried before but I end up getting nerve racked and paranoid before I confront her about it because she constantly claims im just materialistic and I only stay with my dad because he has money while they are below avg income. And then when she starts drinking it just allows her to go off without a filter, often cursing and yelling thinking I don't love her.
only one star fell at the end, and vicious was dead as can be, it was vicious' star, the author left it open to the reader to decide whether or not spike was dead so that if he could go back and write more of the story in the future if he felt like it, so basically spike is schrodinger's cat, he is both dead and alive
>>559188928 It's truly a horrible thing to see a parent lonely, im just worried most of all in a few years cause legitimately all my dad has left is me and our dog, and he's already 7-8 years old and my dad is really attached to both of us.
>>559189786 I can't sleep thinking about that shit >want to stop living, but might as well waste my time before then >then thinking about how to schedule clean-up for my body assisted suicide would be convenient if legal
not sure if you're trolling or just a bigot/asshole, but seriously, what is wrong with you? even if you believe homosexuality is wrong, surely you don't actually believe that a little kid that didn't even know what sex was deserved that
>>559190689 man if you have hardly any money at all, at least blow it on the shit you've always wanted to do your whole life. hit up that girl you always wanted to fuck in high school, go skydiving, go to a fucking weeaboo anime con if that is your interest. do some acid, dmt, shrooms, whatever man, the world is seriously yours. if your so dead set on doing it, don't go out with regrets, you can't come back. good luck anon, we care.
>>559190689 Not trying to sound edgy, but I've never felt more content than when I fully accepted a sort of existential nihilist philosophy.
My entire life I scrambled about trying to follow religions or find truth, justify myself, or find some proof to life after death... I spent some time feeling hopeless and empty because I felt that nothing had meaning, but after that... I realized I don't need a great purpose, because even if life doesn't have purpose, I do. I live, I breath, I exist. my entire existence is contained between the beginning and final moments of my life, yet contained within those years is a self manifest purpose. Within that container of existence, that tragedy or miracle of creation, I find a reason to exist.
Allow me to explain it in a metaphor, people lie huddled on a life raft waiting to be rescued and taken to land. They don't want to work hard and paddle, because they don't know where to go to find land. Some work hard paddling towards one direction or another and are content to do so. They are happy to paddle, or happy to be with others, or happy to exist. or any other of a hundred reasons. Meanwhile others fight one another because they believe they know the way to land and they want to steer the raft. "If you go that way, you'll die." "I know the one true way." "Follow me, I know the mapmaker." In this metaphor the land is the afterlife, or purpose. As for me? Fuck the raft. If I'm going to die at sea anyway, I'm going to swim the Ocean. I'll swim to its depths and see vast trenches, magnificent reefs, steaming vents, and unimaginable creatures. I'll leave the raft and any possibility of finding a typical purpose, and allow myself to be content with what I have. And when I breath my last, I'll do it with no regrets knowing that I lived more than anyone who's purpose is tied to the flimsy yellow raft above.
>>559181082 I know that feel, and it sucks because I feel like its so hard to get attached to anything or anyone, even a puppy that I watched grow up and die, I only shed one tear for and moved on the next day
> my parents stay together fight fight because of me fight because my grades are bad fight because I screw up love me are disappointed in me believe I don't try know I don't try
> I grew up in a good family had a roof over my head lived in a nice house was never hungry had nothing to complain about nothing to blame my failure on hated my self
My dad always told me that you want to be someone who can look themselves in the mirror, I never could
> my parents worked hard were kind gave me everything
I remember the first time it happened, the first time I felt unfit to have my last name, I realized I was useless.
> My first relationship went poorly ended in fighting
How could I expect someone to like me if I didn't like myself, what do you do if you feel like someone is dating you out of pity? Going you a favor? you build resentment
> resentment towards people towards those who try to help towards yourself
>I am still lazy useless good for nothing a disappointment
I can hope that my story will end happily, but I know I'm not going to do anything about it anytime soon, and that first time I looked in the mirror and realized I hated what I saw, I knew that the only person I could blame...
>>559186197 go back and fourth, week by week. Pack a laundry basket of clothes and a laptop or something and take it with you between living places. I did this for 16 years with my parents and recently moved out. t'sall good
>>559195936 You sound exactly like my step-sister. I'm always hanging around her and trying to cheer her up, but she is so damn self-conscious that if feels like she is driving me away. Only, my dad is a dick to her because my brother and I get great grades in honor classes, but she is only taking geometry in junior year (like being failed a year in NV). Anyway, the best thing to do is immerse yourself in your passion and pursue it to the ends of the earth, I hope you have that opportunity soon /b/rother
>be me >be 12 or so >living in germany because military >start noticing girls a lot >float around liking girls, finally find this one girl >horreesheet.jpg >I couldn't find anybody who I loved more >absolutely perfect >go out with her about a year >mfw she's the only person I wanna be with >I forget I'm on shitty american base >I forget she is American >I forgot I have to leave at the end of the year >Final day comes, couldn't stop crying >Little gay ass dance shit for 12 year olds organized by school >last 10 minutes >icanteven.gif >Final minute >We hold hands and leave building >we kiss and I am crying >mfw that was my first kiss (fuck off I we were like 13 and awkward >she leaves, crying, I go back, crying >mfw I try to forget about her
Yoink a Doink 1 year later
>find each other on facebook >we start digging each other, skype ftw >mfw havent seen her in two years >mfw we love each other better than many married couples >mfw we plan on getting married >tfw I am not depressed because of her
>>559197597 >>559197597 So your saying you've never had the childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut, or the president, or maybe even a firefighter? Spend some time to genuinely look into yourself and find something that you could find yourself doing, no matter the cost to your physical body
Pain is temporary, achievement is forever, so buck up man, you've still got a whole life ahead of you
And you better take the doctor's words to heart, I spent a good bit of time finding this for you XD
Saddest story i know of happened to my mom's friend a few years back.
>my mom becomes good friends with her stylist >both fought cancer, were in remission >years go by, my mom gets her hair done all the time. >I meet the lady, her husband, and at the time new born daughter >great people. >years go by >one day my mom is on the phone with her "im so sorry" she kept saying >turns out her friend's cancer came back with a vengeance. >has to close her business to go live in bed >all her family's money goes to her care >one night (we lived close to eachother) >I was here on 4chan derping around >hear a boom. >think nothing of it >turns out... >a gas leak mixed with some floor tiling supplies exploded in their garage >half their house is destroyed >they have NO money to fix the house >two weeks later my mom's friend dies. >the husband and daughter are now wife/momless, broke, and living in a house made of plastic sheeting. >they barely get the money to fix their home. >2 years go by and we have the worst drought in history of our state >wild fires come >you guessed it >their house burns down.
>>559196861 >>559196704 Fuck this is true... This is why I can't get away from here even if I wanted to. >>6 years ago. leave highschool with two friends. Smart kid, but disliked by most teachers, bad grades. Perpetually disappointed parents that fight often. Part of cultish religion that I placed my hopes in. >>ACT good enough for full ride anywhere. >>Join Marine Corp to get the fuck out of the house ASAP. >>Getting near the end of training, and I start developing seizures. >>No biggy, I'll hide it. >>Happens during class >>Fuck, I'm flight engineer seizures = no dice. >>fight it for 6 months but get a convenience of government discharge. >>literally 1 week away from going to the fleet in my MOS >>5 years ago >>go to Florida and become an intern at a church >>Everything felt right about it. I prayed about it, I studied and believed it the right decision. >>Youth Pastor I'm staying with is arrested for Lewd and Mischievous conduct with a minor. >>As I read the Bible I find more heresies in the church than I can count >>Pastor is well intentioned but basically stringing me along for free labor. >>Instead spend my time helping out with family in congregation. Family of 7, can't pay bills, mother dying of cancer. >>mother dies. No one at church even seemed to care. I spent a month with that family doing everything I could to help. They were good people. The church just didn't care. >> 3 >>Go back home >>Parents getting divorce, Grandma just had heart surgery, BP oil spill putting dad's tourism business out of business. Grandpa has dementia and needs 24/7 care. My dog has cancer... >>Mornings working for dad at under minimum wage >>afternoons at college getting the best grades I can >>Evenings having my mom shout at me like a maniac one moment and crying on my shoulder the next. >>nights sleeping with the damn dog. (I'll miss her) >>weekends buying groceries for and spending time with grandparents.
However, I am in the same boat. Parents split around 14, I lived with my mom while she bounced from guy to guy. I got sick of moving and just the drama and stress that being in the same house caused her.
Just recently moved into my dad's (20 now) and he couldn't be happier. He is always bugging me, asking me about my hobbies (which he never does). It's weird, but he missed me. Just never said it.
Bad part, my mom is basically alone somewhat. She gets pissy that I am here because she thinks I am taking all his money (i'm not, I actually just got a job).
However, make the choice that will benefit you. You're folks are gonna love you no matter what.
>>559199067 >> haha sleeping with the dog, I know that sounds wrong, but she slept next to my bed, which was low to the ground. It was nice scratching her ears and her licking my fingers at night. Just to not be alone ya know. anyway cont.
>>1 year ago >>grandpa dies >>dog dies >>mom... settles down, but it was damn painful dealing with her. >>dads business improves >>3.8 GPA at college >>grandma's condition is greatly improved. >>Stop working for dad when I withhold service from a client for not paying, and some financial bullshit from the past crops up and I realize shits about to get real.
The past two years were rough, but the bro's on 4chan helped get me through it. They made those sleepless and hopeless nights a little easier, when I didn't have reliable friends.
requesting story about craig (greg maybe) the body builder, been searching for a while for it, guy goes to gym and there was a guy there who everyone made fun of, anon befriends him, turns out to be ex bodybuilder and starts to impress everyone and convinces anon to get into bodybuilding...then dies
>>559190689 I really want to change your mind, but I don't know how. I really do, I used to think the same as you, I don't know what happened but I just don't think about suicide, I just go down the road of life and see where it takes me, and in the meanwhile.
*apologies for butting in* No. No no no. You people got this far in life, right?Right. No one is ending their life. No one is ending up alone. Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY is going to stay depressed their entire life. Why? Because I already got that job. Why am I depressed? It's honestly not that much and I shouldn't be depressed because you guys have it much worse than me. I get abused by my mom. "who cares, suck it up." say that to my fractured wrist and twisted ankle. She ruined my life. She put me through hell. She still is. She laughs about me having cancer. She laughs about me having dyslexia. She laughs about me having ADD. She abandoned me. She neglected me. She tortured me. She starved me. She still does. She encourages me to kill myself. Why? Because that's her way of showing that she "loves" me. But it doesn't matter...I'm not here to talk about me...None of you should ever feel the need to get depressed over someone. Not even a girl. You can't be haunted by the past all the time. You're still alive, you still have a future, do something great with it! Find something you're good at or want to do and...do it! Yeah, it's going to hurt. But it's better to be away from all the haters and live in your own bubbles with one or two friends that won't cause any drama. Again, I'm really sorry for interrupting.
>>559197980 I hope you find that slice of happiness each and everyone of us tries to find in our lives. For me, my happiness is being alone. No one hurts me, I don't hurt anyone by trying to do good. Though I am isolated it isn't so bad. I have my pets, my ranch, and my /b/ros
I want to share my story anons for nobody in real life has ever cared to drop an ear and listen. I grew up with a single mother since my father had been murdered right before my sister was born, I would always ask my mother about where my father would be, why did the other kids get picked up by their dads? Do I have a dad? I'd constantly be told he's out there somewhere working and saving up to come back home to us. Mother then meets the man who becomes my step father, this is the beginning of a strained relationship for us, because mother had lied to me and told me he was my biological father. I grew up pretty normally until I began getting molested by strangers and picked on by other kids. My youngest sister is born and that's when it became obvious who my step father really cared for, he never hugged be or talked to me, he never told me he loved me like he would tell her it hurt me deeply as a child who just wanted his dad around, around this time I notice I have plenty of friends in elementary but suddenly we move to the other side of town, it was pretty much a ghetto like the one we lived in, I started going to school and that's when my life started becoming the hell it has become, I would get beaten up everyday walking from school, spit on, touched and all that bullshit, eventually started carrying a knife around to feel safe, I was only 11 years old. I would never dare tell my stepdad because he was a very angry person who would explode on us all the damn time and my mom was the same way, she threatened to give me away plenty of times before. Suddenly life seemed to be changing, I had gotten my first pet, my dog muffin. She brought me more happiness than anything else in this world. she loved me more than any one else in this world, but life always has a way of kicking you in the balls, my mom finally came clean about my stepdad not being my real father, at this point it was obvious though, I just didn't want to hear those words they cut so deep, (Cont.)
>>559201449 Eventually we move back to the area I had all my friends in from elementary, I was happy! No more bulllying, no more spitting, no more fear, or so I thought. We were poor, and I always wore old dirty clothes, all the kids picked on me right away, there was this group of guys who would always beat me up and embarrass me in front of everybody, they liked to slap me a lot for some reason. I had never been in a fight at this point I just let the shit keep going, then I started fighting and fighting and fighting and losing my fucking mind all the damn time, I started smoking a ton of weed and stealing from my moms purse so I could buy some more because fuck it why not I'm worthless and fucking pathetic anyhow. I get caught and I had to come clean to my mom as to why, stepfather proceeds to threaten to kick me out and tears me apart verbally while my mom does nothing, I move schools but at this point I was fucked, everyone seemed like a threat, everyone seemed out for me, and the worse part was I started getting panic attacks, one was so bad it gave me derealization that ive had for over 8 years, the worse part was I would turn around to my dog muffin and I wouldn't believe she was real, i no longer felt human anymore. So fast forward to high school I no longer get bullied I fight back as soon as even the smallest threat is put on me, i have a much better amount of years although I got in plenty of fights, but the thing is I don't feel like me anymore, I've been diagnosed with bipolar, and schizo disorders, I'm a fit guy but I just have so much apathy I NEVER go out, ive studied pick up to get out and I just cant, ive had rare success with women but I'm a fucking chode pretty much, I have no relationship with my stepdad, I consider my self elite at guitar but the motivations drying out,I struggle with suicide and have for years, I have no drive or passion any more, music doesn't make sense any more, life doesn't make sense,I just wish I coul love my dog again
>>559193251 I came to a conclusion similar to this last year, it's massively increased my quality of life.
One of my biggest issues with the idea of a greater purpose is that for that purpose to be meaningful, it must serve a greater purpose, and that purpose must serve an even greater one, ultimately making all purpose purposeless.
I admittedly still don't really have a meaning to call my own. Perhaps that's why I'm here in this thread, but at least I know I can find something if I keep searching, that search can kind of become a meaning of it's own.
Me age of 2 gets abused by my father, dad leaves and my mother moves into the getto. Age of 5 mother loses the ability to walk. Se starts to abuse me, my mother finds a new guy. The guy was nice and kind, 6 months after moving in with im he dies from cancer. Age 8 Cps take me from my house. Only allowed to take what I can fit in a trash bag. Other kids at my school notice and start to pick on me. One day at the school bus stop get pushed over and about 5 kinds start to kick me I start to cry (age o 8 stil). 3 Years go by and I am allowed to go home. 6 months later I was only removed didnt see my for 2 years. Get put up for adopted so its good. I go to a new middle school date the hottest girl there the frist week WIN. Break up with her cause too much work. Older brother take here a week later they date for 3 years. Borther makes fun of me ands get others to. Leave freshmen year I think ok new life school? Girls think I am creepy Wtf.exe only have one friend cause it was a small school. Ask out girl get rejected. Say fuck it, work out over summer she see me wants to date reject her. now I am in 11 grade
Requesting picture of a guy sitting on the edge of his bed, then under the pic there's a story explaining him being with a beautiful girl that loves him, then he wakes up, and realizes it was all a dream.
Here's some OC. >Live on in Fort Campbell, Kentucky. >10 years old, just learning life and that there are bad times. >start hearing talk of a classmate, Davis, somethings wrong with him. >"mom, what's wrong with Davis?" "he's sick son, and his parents are worried." >Davis is 10 years old and has an inoperable brain tumor. >he comes to school, showing off a circle on the back of his head that's bald from where the surgeon shaved it and cut skull out to examine the tumor. >Davis, at 10 fucking years old knew he was dying. >happy as can be and smiled and played with us just shrugging off apologies from us >I move away because military, but still keep in contact and Davis father has a blog for him. >shortly after I move, I come home from school and my dad sits me down >Davis isn't in school anymore, he's too weak. >I check on him everyday at this point, I never knew care until this point. >this 10 year old child gets whatever he wants from make-a-wish and he takes his class to fucking chuck-e-cheeses. He didn't even spend it on himself. > I see pictures and I'm so happy I forget hes dying and stopped paying attention. > I come home, my dad has a very soft voice, and invites me over to the couch >Davis went to heaven this morning, he rolled over in his parents bed while they were getting him a drink, and suffocated on the fluid in his lungs almost instantly. He didn't suffer. >Davis watched John Wayne movies every day, dressed up as a cowboy everyday. >I love you Davis, you were more of a man and cowboy then most grow men today.
>>559175531 My ex girlfriend of three years used to sing this to me, but with shiny instead of sunshine and it would end with "you never know dear, just how much I love you, please never take my shiny away" fucking hell...typing that.....they're just rolling off my face ;_;
>>559210136 Whenever he could no longer function normally, and his body literally swelled with fluid. He was pretty much couch bound. So everyday, he would wear cowboy clothes while watching John Wayne, because he was tough and wanted to be like him and succeeded. I'll try and find a pic.
Hmmmm maybe trisomy 21 with septal cushion defect, leading to pulmonary hypertension and remodeling to irreversible eisenmenger?
But that's pretty damn improbable that he would have a computer but lack access to fairly basic care for someone with that kind of issue (so downs syndrome has about 50% chance of also having atrial/ventricular or septal "cushion", which is sort of both plus some valve pathology). Anyways, I guess it's a touching story...
>>559211838 You can make a new one /brother. It's past time for me to go to bed..it's been fun.
and to everyone else. I love you all. I don't know you as anything other than random IDs and 1/0s on my screen, but..you guys make me feel like maybe I should wake up in the morning, because Im not alone. ... I love you /b/ Even when I gone, my heart will be here forever And I couldn't ask for anything more
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