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L.P.D. Libertarian Police Department I was shooting heroin and

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 190
Thread images: 123

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L.P.D. Libertarian Police Department

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we're going to figure out who did this and we're going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you're the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
>>
>>556653869
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn't seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn't care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
>>
>>556654070
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
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>>556654417
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>>556654518
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>>556653869
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>>556654618
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>>556654781
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>>556654887
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>>556655104
>>
funny
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>>556655197
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>>556655361
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>>556655502
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>>
>>556653869
kek
>>
mmm 9.1/10
Soy yogurt handcuffs would have been trendier, and everyone knows a quarter won't buy you shit, not even a call from the chief. Maybe swipe your card?
>>
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>>556655738
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>>556653869
>>556654070
>>556654228
10/10
>>
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>>556655782
>>
>>556655995
What the fucking shit
I do not have this image saved on my computer
Where the fuck did it come from
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>>556656063
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>>556656267
>>
Reminded me of Idiocracy
>>
>>556656063
Captain Kirk would fuck the shit out of this.
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>>556656427
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>>556656521
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>>556656623
>>
how can you be against libertarianism, it's root word is liberty.

Fucking democrats hatin' on my freedoms n shit.
>>
>>556654070
Subway eat fresh scumbag! Holy shit this ain't bad at all.
>>
>>556653869
>>556654070
>>556654228
Excellent. Well done.
>>
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>>556656829
Dems and Reps are two identical piles of dog shit laying next to each other.
>>
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>>556656623
Stop bringing up my mistakes. Fuck you, nigger.
>>
10/10 good job OP I don't know if this is a copypasta or not but regardless I thouroughly enjoyed it, many lols were had.
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>>556657120
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>>556657275
>>
>>556657304
Is copypasta...http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2014/03/libertarian-police-department.html
>>
>>556657309
what the fuck she looks like the creature from Splice
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>>556657530
>>
>>556657452
That makes sense. Surprisingly good quality coming from 4chan.
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>>556657679
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>>556657434
I'll fuck you up, Bobby. You've got a nigger beater. T.J. Hooker has a firearm.
>>
>>556653869
10/10 copy pasta there OP
Enjoyed
Lels where had
>>
so much retarded bait
but so much hilarity
>>
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>>556658142
>>
>>556654228
gg non libertarians
>>
>>556657275
10/tiberus
>>556653869
10/10 keks allah round
>>
I lol'd

Thank you based OP
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>>556658473
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>>556658473
I will relinquish that cig from your hand with my trusty Springfield here.

If you keep posting that I fucked you, I'm gonna load a second round.
>>
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>>556653869
>>556654070

10/10 if OC, 8/10 if copypasta
>>
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>>556658953
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these hypothetical stories are tongue-in-cheek enough to make me giggle so I'll post some more
>>
>>556653869
Strawman is fun isn't it
>>
>>556656829
Root word of democrats is democracy, and republic for republicans, both wonderful words.
>>
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>>556659214
LISTEN HERE BITCH. I KNIW THE RULES. I CAN STEER ON CRUISE CONTROL. STOP POSTING THE PICS I TOOK OF YOU. FFS
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>>556659214
>>
>>556653869
This is hilarious OP, this is also what libertarians actually believe.
>>
>>556656521
Damn straight Cpt Kirk would fuck it; she looks Romulan.
>>
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>>556659617
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>>556653869
Awesome. 10/10.
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>>556659802
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>>556660067
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>>556659907
I'm sorry, baby. I drank too much tonight.
I just have one thing to say...

Nice shoes...
>>
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Totally lost my shit. Great stuff.

I don't know why this guy's dumping alien porn on your funny story.
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>>556660276
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>>556654228

>He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own.
>to own
>to bear

It's the right to bear arms, you bunch of liberal niggers.
>>
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>>556660415
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upsetting the libertarian tards is my favorite 4chan pastime
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>>556660581
>>
what have you people been smoking? walter white's special blue persuasion?
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>>556660872
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>>556660439
Why, Hello there.
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>>556661187
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>>556660439
Goddamn this website and you sharing my pics I took of you, you hedonist slut!
>>
>>556660932
of course! thanks to our free and anonymous currency we can buy whatever the fuck we want and have it shipped to our homes
>>
hHOCsijn seems a tad upset.
>>
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>>556661380
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>>556661576
>>
>>556654887
I thought Buffy killed her?
>>
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>>556661956
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>>556654518
>>556654618
>>556654781
>>556654887
>>556654887
>>556655104
>>556655197
>>556655361
>>556655738
>>556655502
>>556655905
>>556656427
>>556656526
>>556656623

So Linda Hamilton & Ron Perlmans lovechild?

..I loved beauty and the beast. Such lovely sewerdwellers..
>>
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>>556662184
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>>556662135
She lives on meowmix?

Meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow MEOW meow meow meow..
>>
>>556653869
This is fucking hilarious. PLEASE PUBLISH SOMETHING LIKE THIS, ANON. PLEEEASE.
>>
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>>556662486
>>
>>556654518
avatar irl
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>>556662929
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>>556662968
I'll never tell.
>>
>>556663062
what the fuck is wrong with her.
>>
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>>556663301
>>
>>556662968
She's a filthy canadian. Just tell her you like hockey and molsen and hate the natives and that quebecs taxes belong to ottowa and she'll let you fire one between her eyes. Which, frankly, won't be that hard.
>>
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>>556663507
Absolutely nothing.
>>
>>556663301
Tell me fucker. Tell me or I will come over to your flat and slap your mums dick straight out of your mouth.
>>
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>>556656725
Slightly Larger, if you want it.
>>
>>556663507
She's a freak and found that she can get stares that aren't followed up by laughs by taking her clothes off for people who are even bigger freaks than she is - cosplayers.
>>
>>556663709
I could hit her forehead from space.
>>
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>>556663791
Thank you!
>>
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>>556659105
Oh my ACTUAL sides are in orbit...
>>
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>>556663962
>>
>>556653869
go back to reddit fag

ps libertarian > all
>>
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>>556664497
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>>556657120
Slightly larger
>>
>>556663740
I looks like someone smushed her face inward, but somehow still has a massive 5 head.

>>556663928
ahhh whats her condition?

>>556663962
blind folded
>>
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>>556663765
>>
>>556657679
Same set
>>
>>556659743
>this is also what libertarians actually believe

are you retarded?
>>
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>>556664698
Thanks!
>>
>>556664736
Her pussy looks like it was mutilated with a slap-chop. Her condition is digusting.
>>
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>>556664736
>>
>>556665146
lmao
>>
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>>556665257
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>>556665653
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>>556665930
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>>556666116
>>
>>556661921
>>556662135
whats her name??? she got any videos
>>
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>>556662135
Slightly larger if you care
>>
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>>556666434
Kitty
>>
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>>556666557
Nice
>>
>>556666624
last name?
something about her gave me an instaboner
>>
File: 1393999424428.jpg (28KB, 640x480px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556666917
Don't know. But google image search should get you started.
>>
File: 21.jpg (173KB, 958x719px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556664106
Much Larger
>>
>>556666369
Jesus christ, she must have had to custom make those joints for that mug. Had to build those things out of welder goggles.
>>
File: 12.jpg (161KB, 958x719px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556664106
Other one from same set
>>
>>556666624
HAHAHAHA her name is kitty?

because her mom was a mountain lion?

Oh man, that vincent from Beauty and the Beast thing is making more sense
>>
File: 1394000706888.jpg (74KB, 727x544px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556667226
Lucky optometrist.
>>
>>556667296
She must have gotten so much dick after Pandora came out.
>>
>>556667226
MFW
>>
File: 1394079801406.jpg (236KB, 958x719px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556667418
yep
>>
>>556667418
Dude jesus stop you made me choke on my drink twice now.
>>
File: 0975968c.jpg (58KB, 600x803px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556666369
Same set
>>
File: 20.jpg (137KB, 958x719px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
20.jpg
137KB, 958x719px
>>556665097
More bath time
>>
>>556656521
>>556659802
First he would have to swipe his card and buy some Viagra™...
>>
found her name but cant find her :(
>>
File: 09.jpg (146KB, 958x719px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556668173
What is her name? I have most of her info.
>>
>>556667296
Ah! Wtf is that beast
>>
>>556668036
I thought cats didn't like water.

Does she shit in a box?
>>
File: C1beT.jpg (361KB, 798x1515px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
C1beT.jpg
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>>556667925
Thank you. didn't have this one.
>>
>>556668508
>remember the welders goggles

>>556668604
and here they are
>>
File: kittysister.jpg (8KB, 199x253px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
kittysister.jpg
8KB, 199x253px
>>556668446
Separated at birth?
>>
File: 17.jpg (211KB, 720x540px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
17.jpg
211KB, 720x540px
>>556668604
Do you have the goggles pics? I've looked for them but can't find them.
>>
File: mvUjF.jpg (78KB, 539x720px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
mvUjF.jpg
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>>556668604
Retarded New Yorker copypasta thread successfully derailed. Thank you, Kitty!
>>
File: 19.jpg (188KB, 720x540px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
19.jpg
188KB, 720x540px
>>556668898
I would not fuck that but I would plow the fuck out of Orbital-Hypertelor-chan
>>
>>556668446
found her now. its kitty McLaughlin aka sieanna sylver

she's married but im gonna get her to do some nasty shit for /b/
>>
>>556669014
No I've pretty much dumped everything I have. I would like those goggle pix too.
>>
File: 14.jpg (156KB, 958x719px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556669331
........um, no.
>>
File: 44dfbb90.jpg (24KB, 600x450px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556669339
I'll dump the few I don't recall seeing you post.
>>
>>556654228
10/10 OP. I laughed.
>>
File: 61a9e442.jpg (26KB, 600x450px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
61a9e442.jpg
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>>
File: 1340899239981s.jpg (2KB, 125x94px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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stupid small
>>
File: 1340899789483s.jpg (2KB, 125x94px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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and again >>556670094
>>
>>556669861
Very kind of you, sir. Thank you.
>>
File: 1340899864161s.jpg (2KB, 125x93px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556670210
last of the stupid smalls (I think)
>>
>>556669714
too late now the wheels are in motion
>>
>>556653869

Thank you based op....my sides
>>
>>
File: bf89dab3.jpg (63KB, 600x801px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556670326
You don't know shit. Does you're mommy know you are up this late?
>>
File: DIRTY_php55SiLk.jpg (22KB, 329x441px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>
>>556670483
Wow! That's great!
>>
File: DIRTY_phpnIqgfg.jpg (21KB, 330x441px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>
File: duHRi.jpg (74KB, 453x604px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556671173
We have great taste.
>>
File: 4f3f655c48dda.jpg (83KB, 720x481px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>
File: 4f3f662906a79.jpg (68KB, 720x540px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>
>>556671526
*bad eyesight
>>
File: 52395d7ceafb9.jpg (263KB, 800x1200px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>556671812
Or that but likely good taste.
>>
File: 523959d6d3bb5.jpg (263KB, 800x1200px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>
>>556670278
I think I'm out
>>
>>556653869
>>556654070
>>556654228
Fukken gold
>>
>>556672875
Thanks again. Good to see a fellow fan.
>>
>>556673186
I've found more
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>556675326
She is most beautiful when she is not trying to be weird. This is nice!
>>
>>556675752
the fuck is beautiful about her?
>>
>>556655361
Another from this set
>>
>>556654887
Another from this set
>>
sobrave/10
>>
>>556675752
>>
why are we shitposting porn on here? We could be shitposting porn onto Tumblr.
>>
>>556653869
OP IS A FAGGOT HE IS REPOSTING THIS STORY FORM SOMEWHERE ELSE AND I BET HE IS THE SAME FAGGOT WHO POSTED THIS ON /pol/.
>>
>>556676604
Go back to your ball pit faggot
>>
>>
>>
File: hB6A518F6.jpg (34KB, 500x333px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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>>
>>556677967
Yes. Please post Kitty.
>>
>>556678508
This thumbnail is the last of what i've found so far. I've been pulling from google for the last few. I think this is the bottom of the well.

>cialbod 4607
>>
File: picture1234.jpg (8KB, 200x200px) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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Thread posts: 190
Thread images: 123


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