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Lets get that Tard Stories thread back

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 49
Thread images: 10

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Lets get that Tard Stories thread back
>be halfway through 6th grade
>lunchtime, me and friends waiting for next class
>Giant Tard, at least 6'5" walking around campus
>Name is Neil
>Requires 2 wranglers and a yard duty supervising him at all times
>First bell rings (signaling 5 mins before lunch is over)
>Neil exits quad and enters A wing
>mfw next class is in A wing
>Go in when 2nd bell rings
>Neil quietly coloring while his wranglers stand guard
>watching him through window of class
>Once wranglers are gone Neil stands up and paces through center of building
>Quiet screech, barely loud enough to hear from class
>runs over to my class window
>slams on window while making mongoloid man-child gurgling and screeching noises
>removes pants
>begins shitting in hands and on floor and smearing it on windows
>wranglers arrive
>try to wrestle him down and take him back
>power of 1000 men within Neil Explodes into full blown tardpocolypse
>screeches and spits on everything, punches female wrangler
>smearing shit on wranglers and throwing them across the room
>throwing shit
>wranglers call in help
>6 wranglers total finally wrestle him down, covered in shit and piss and spit
>Neil removed, back the next day
>mfw let us skip that weeks classes for free time due to (trauma)

I have more Neil if anyone wants it.
What is that thing?
Life Manifested
I need my fix gif me mana kotl
want more, I need to hear more.
OP here, pc crashed checking id

>Another random day in 6th grade
>Neil on a ramp in the tardgardens, a small patch of vegetables that they let the tards look after to keep them from attacking eachother
>Neil slouching and bubbling at the mouth
>Staring at small, underdeveloped squash
>Bell rings for class to start, lose sight of Neil, and the squash as they exit through the garden
>Walking itno the wing, and I see Neil and the two wranglers playing some tard game to keep him from hurting himself
>stored squash in his pants, apparant by large lump portruding from his slacks
>Geniuses everywhere in my class, all start saying he shit himself
>Class Edge kid (Calling him John) decides to go hit the lump
>Smacks it with as much power as a tiny 6th grader can muster up
>instantly Neil flips around and moans in John's face
>Pure terror as both the wranglers and my teacher try to calm Neil down
>Neil isnt amuses, and his tardy power explodes through his face as he sprays a mix of whatever the tards ate for lunch and spit flies out of his mouth, covering my teacher and John
>Neil proceeds to beat the shit out of John, and the wranglers are too surprised to react
>Eventually they realise what happened and tackle Neil to the ground, and drag him away
>John and teach recovering and trying to get up
>"go clean up John, ill call the office"
>John begins to walk towards exit
>The world goes silent as a powerful raptard roar shatters my eardrums, John tries to run
>Neil is free and sprinting at John full speed
>As they make contact they fly through the air, Neil using John's face as a landing cushion
>Neil Vomits more tard fluids onto John, and continues wailing on him.
>Police had to be called and Neil was maced
>John had a concussion and a broken rib
>mfw more time off for trauma
sorry for my slow typing, trying to be vivid

feel free to add other stories, I could use a laugh
Jesus christ this is great
haha, ive got a million of these, he was there into sophomore year
for the love of god, please type up more
Carry on op.
Making me quietly kek
I have one
>4th Grade
>get to go to this thing in the library for smart kids
>little do I know the retards have a library session at the same time
>watch the potatoes walk in because they fascinated me
>retarded midget kid, let's call him Alex, enters with his friends
>one of them is a really aggressive downy (Kevin)
>Kevin asks librarian if he could have books about mcdonalds or KFC
>Alex walks over to see what we smart kids are doing
>making stuff on the computers or some shit
>he gets really excited for some reason
>pulls down his pants and does a tarddance
>runs over to my friend (Josh) and starts doing heavy deep yard breaths near his ear
>tardwrangelers are oblivious, trying to calm down Kevin because the library has no "McDonalsh Buksh"
>Alex starts to do a shit right near Josh
>Josh starts to scream
>wranglers come over and grab Alex, lock him in the printer room adjoining the library
>mfw they leave him in there
>mfw me and Josh get in trouble for "provoking Alex" and "it's not his fault that he can't control his behaviour"
>mfw I had to go into the print room the next day and still smelt the tardy peanut butter odour that all the Tards smelled like.
Alright here we go one of my faves
>Freshman year, Neil still there, being a tard
>New campus, very scary for a tard
>Enter femtard, Kelly
>Kelly is slow and can only see what is directly in front of her 6 inches
>They share tard love all year, they speak love in gurgling and small whinnies
>One day Kelly and Neil are walking down hall, towards me and my friends
>Friend Aaron is closest to their side of the hall
>They attempt to walk past but kelly misses her walking stick and slams into Aaron
>Slobbering all over his face and squealing like a wild animal
>Neil looks like he doesnt understand how to look at something, a blank stare at the floor
>Aaron tries pushing her off, ends up touching her tardy breast
>She takes it as an act of seduction and begins to lick his face in a sad and slow attempt to kiss him
>Neil goes full blown ragemode
>In anger he stomps and roars, clearing any noise nearby, and attracting all nearby students
>He runs over to the drinking fountain
>Rips the nozzle off with the tardy power
>runs over to aaron and swings it at his face
>aaron tries counter with kick in the nuts, but tards have no feeling in their genitals, so Neil continues swing interrupted
>Aaron goes flying, blood across his face and he can barely stand
>Not sure when he spat it out but he lost his front tooth, was on the floor in front of me
>Neil continues his shitstorm by wetting his pants and tackling Aaron
meanwhile school guards calling police and informing eachother
>guards closing in
>Some idiot runs in and gives Neil his woodshop broject, some dumb statue of a gnome or something
>Neil happily takes it and then screeches and hits the kid, and continues to aaron with the deformed gnome thing
>This is the end
>Bye Aaron
>Guards go full Call of Duty sprint onto Neil
>Neil tackled by 3 fully grown men
>Fire burns in Neils fists and heart
>He lifts one above his head and uses him as a thrown weapon, and knocks the other two guards down
part 1/2 not enough space

I fucking lost it.
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I like the Neil stories but heard them too many times.

>5th grade
>Go to Christian daycare every day after school
>There's this tard named Brandon
>Little kid who would be retard-happy one second and then opening the gates of hell the next
>Mom is late picking me up one day so I have to stay for snack and recess

>Brandon is walking around to kids and asking them to play
>He asks this one girl whose always alone
>"No Brandon"
>reached the maximum capacity for 'no'
>"I'M TELLIN THA YO WON PLAH" in the most shrill and pitchy yelling possible
>He pushes her out of the way
>runs to a role on the playground
>drops his pants
>and starts furiously humping the pole with his micro-peen
>Little girl is crying, covered in wood chips
>Mom finally arrived and I asked if Christianity was about acting like a tard
Ahahahaha oh god
ive never even posted a tard story before, these are original
>Neil must be a common tard name
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part 2/2
>Neil roars a mighty tard roar, peeing himself more and dribbling his tard slob onto his face and shirt
>Runs back to aaron, who takes a few swings at Neil
>Neil takes the hits like a champ and grabs aaron and throws him at the lockers on the wall
>Several lockers are busted open from the sheer force
>Kelly hobbles over and attempts to calm down Neil before he actually kills aaron
>Neil swinging his arms in a tardy power rage, smacks kelly in face, completely knocking her unconscious
>Cops arrive at the school
>Neil blubbering over the fear of killing his love
>Cops bust through crowd and scream at Neil to stop
>Neil only speaks frothing and screeching
>Runs to attack cops
>Tazed so fast
>Neil shits himself and falls to the ground
>Cops drag him out ect
>Aaron needs fake tooth and he fractured a shoulder blade
>Kelly is fine, just bruises
>Neil admitted back to school after 2 days
>cop who fired tazer fired for assulting a tard?
>i kek to this day

seperate note but srs these have nothing to do with the other Neil tards, just happen to be the same name for a tard
Another story featuring Kevin

>4th grade
>playing in the playground, having a game of tag
>Kevin is out of the spedpen, they're having a program to integrate tards with normal kids
>no potato farmers around
>well fuck
>he asks "CAN I PLAYEEEEE" in the tardiest voice possible
>"sure" because we have to accept the potatokin
>we play
>he gets tagged and he goes for the 4th grade 10/10 princess that all the boys had a crush on
>Block him from getting to her
>instead of tagging me, he full on kicks me in the 9 year old testicles
>deputy principal is nearby, he takes me and Kevin to the office
>have to explain what happened
>mfw he doesn't get shit because he's a tard
>mfw he had a tard detention anyway and got out of it by possibly neutering me
>mfw one of my nuts has always been a bit softer than the other
>potato farmers
my sides

>Pasting stories that exist on reddit now

When the only thing that matches up is the name
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This is what they're referring to
7th grade story

>kid called Jeremy in 7th grade
>not technically a retard but he was pretty fucked up
>definitely inbred
>somehow had an 8/10 sister though
>jumps on seats to deliberately destroy them
>he's fat as well
>he's a lumberjack and he's not ok, he sleeps all night and he works all day...
>well he isn't but his dad is and Jeremy does heaps of lumberjack shit and thinks he's cool cause he can fire an 8 gauge
>history class
>last period of the day
>sitting with gf
>Jeremy is sitting nearby
>"hey anon look at this!"
>pulls out a fucking PUBE HAIR
>fucking EATS IT
>everyone squeals
>someone puts out a story that it was me who did the pube thing
>gf breaks up with me because too much shame
> Some idiot runs in and gives Neil his woodshop broject, some dumb statue of a gnome or something.

>In highschool for people with mild learning disabilities
>mix of normies with some burgers and a sprinkle of should-not-be-there full retards who are extreme minority in the school
>there are only a handful of kids who need "helpers"
>one of them , I forget his name , was a little autistic blonde boy.
>he carried around a plush stingray
>he throws it at a teacher. Assumes its dead and freaks out.
>starts screaming that we have to freeze it , it's the only way
>be me
>be in hs
>join track team because my parents said I had to do a club or something
>track team has a tard, named Scotty
>tard played basketball too
>Scotty's about 4'10"
>constantly makes thbthbthtbthbthtbthtbhtbtht noises
>it entertains him
>Scotty likes me
>Scotty smells funny
>but I put up with him because hs society says so
>fast forward
>be freshman in college
>old track coach offers me a part-time job as a track coach at old hs
>an extra $2000 is always good
>Scotty is still on the team because of special ed lasting until he's 21 or something
>manage to get a few people to the State meet
>Scotty gets to go because of tard race
>Scotty wants me to run with him because I'm allowed to
>At the starting line waiting for all the special ed kids to come over
>Scotty is stretching like a fucking madman
>in between violent stints of stretching, he is talking to himself under his breath
>other tard kid comes up
>Scotty's fucking possessed
>tard kid doesn't have Down's as bad as Scotty
>other kid says to Scotty: "you're gonna lose, pussy"
>Scotty freezes
>With the speed of a thousand bullets, Scotty zooms up in the kid's face
>"what the fuck did you say about me you little bitch?" in Scotty's Down slurred speech
>other kid: "you're gonna lose"
>Scotty: "no I won't because you're a pussy"
>other kid: silent shock probably because he didn't know what pussy was
>scotty: "pussy"
>scotty: "PUSSY"
>other kid: silent shock
>convince scotty to continue his possessed stretching
>come race time
>not blocks for the tards
>I've been working on block starts because scotty wanted to
>scotty realizes there aren't any blocks
>nearly has a fucking aneurism
>get the nice starting lady to get him some blocks
>blocks acquired, scotty is happy
>scotty takes off like a fucking F-18 off of a fucking aircraft carrier
>race over, scotty raped the fucking field
>he ran 12.19s over 100m
>other kid crying
>scotty: "pussy"
>scotty is the fastest tard in the west
>retard ogre. 6 foot 14 inches. Non verbal
>communicates via beep beeping , and bahhhh-ing.
>is actually a pretty cool guy , only violent when somebody really rustles his jimmies.
>tried communicating with him once. Apparently he understands English perfectly.
> was and interesting experience to say the least.
>always secretly knew if shit went down he would prolly defend me I'm robots attacked the school.
If robots attacked the school fuck iPad auto correct
>6ft 14 inches
thank you based apple
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hahahaha too fuken good
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I did that on purpose . To explain how fuckhuge he was
Here's a funny one from Florida

>Gargantuan black tard named Robert
>Robert is actually very nice and docile, gets along with people and all the teachers like him
>Robert had a 'routine' where he would swing his tree limb arm up, open his palm and yell "high figh!"
>So you give him a high five
>Next, Robert would windmill his arm down with his palm open and yell "Low figh!"
>So you give him a low five
>Next, Robert would stick out his enormous foot and yell, "Shoe figh!"
>For this step, the correct action is to basically lightly kick his shoe
>Next, Robert bends at the waist, shifting his center of gravity precariously in your direction, and yells "KISS!!!"
>And he lays a sloppy wet kiss right on your cheek
>Then, Robert would kind of laugh and dance a little tard jig before running off.

It reminded me of when people show how their dog is trained, and they go through different steps in an order (sit, roll over, speak, etc). Everyone in the school knew when Robert was doing his routine because of his ability to outclass a megahorn with his lung capacity and mutated voice box.

This was all about 20-22 years ago. I wonder from time to time if Robert is still out there somewhere, shoe fiving and jig dancing with strangers the way he always had. Maybe someday I'll be out for a walk after dinner and hear the unmistakable "KISS!!!" echoing through the night.
>be 6
>moved to a new city, attend a new school for second grade
>learn a few things at the new school, mostly about Levi
>Levi has the downs
>he's also autistic
>and he's also severely mentally retarded, but for some reason, he's attending this school with normal people in normal classes
>fast forward to 3rd grade
>Levi got put into my class
>Levi is this obese, headphone-wearing, duck-walking downy who would sit in the back of the classroom flailing his arms and babbling
>word gets out that I'm the smartest little shit in that class, probably because I sit the furthest I can from Tardborn McPiggy
>just standing at the urinal one day, bleeding the lizard, when Levi comes to me
>Pretend not to understand him
>I was a little shit back then with a rather precocious sense of sarcasm
>I tell him
>"I show Mrs. Cook my peepee and she gives me the good grades"
>Levi goes into a stall
>Wash my hands, suddenly realising that I just told a downy autistic tard something he'd probably take literally
>Skedaddle back to class and resume my work
>Five minutes later, there's a fucking commotion and I'm just keeping my head down
>Levi walked into the room naked as the day he was born
>Tard wranglers come get him, I'm trying not to lose my shit
>I look around, whole class is deathly silent and shocked at the hell that just happened
>MFW I managed to traumatise my 3rd grade class and still laugh about it to this day with no one knowing I catalysed it.

It's a 'swamp booger'.

You know how hunters only ever have the head of the deer they killed stuffed and put on the wall?
This is what taxidermists do with the rest of it.
More tard stories pl0x
Once a faggot, always a faggot. That's hilairous, though
>be me
>smoke a fat bowl
>decide I want taco bell
>goes to taco bell
>see tard and his family walk in
>tard is very loud and let's the world knows he wants a burrito
>tard gets food
>tard takes burrito out and rubs on his head yelling burrito at the same time
>dad tries to stop him
>tard yells stop touching me and runs out the door
>family follows

mfw never saw tard again
>Be 5
>At church in the back row with me mum
>Halfway through service, old lady comes barging in with her pajama wrapped, 20 something years old down syndrome girl
>For some reason she decided to sit next to us
>My 5 year old mind was greatly confused by this girls tardness and I became uncomfortable
>The next song starts and my mother and the lady get up
>Miss Downy Soft locks on to me and I notice it immediately
>She grabbed my arm, putting me on the virge of tears.
>She punched me in the stomach as I hurried to rub my arm
>I was crying and out of wind at the same time
>My mom noticed and took me outside to sort me out
>We leave and I have nightmares of that girl
>Never saw the old lady or Pajama Sister ever again
>be me, 7th grade
>low level tard named josh, okay guy, liked Star Wars an uncomfortable amount
>josh hangs out with a full blown downie, named Elias.
>Elias is 4'3" tall or so, and weighs easily 300 pounds. He is literally like a potato on legs
>low budget middle school, so no potato farmers, the tards just had classes with us all.
>first day of new class
>in the Mac lab we had somehow
>josh and Elias together in the back
>I'm late, only seat is next to them.
>go sit down.
>immediately, josh starts talking about "genurul greevus" and his secret "Ion cannun"
>we have a substitute, the first day.
>Elias gets called to the office, but he likes his Mac.
>teacher tries to make him leave, but nope, full blown tard rage mode.
>Elias rips the massive, 1000 dollar computer from its power cords, and throws it across the room
>josh goes tardmode too, gets under desk, babbling something about stormtroopers
>mac hits teacher in the face, teacher is out of comission.
>security comes in, josh yells "not this time, count dookoo"
>picks up a meter stick and parkours across the room, frothing and screaming about how he's "ANNAKUN SKYALKUR"
>slams into security guard, starts hitting him all over with the meter stick.
>tardasourus Rex roar from Elias
>Elias runs at the other security guard, but josh hits him on the backswing, Elias pukes, and josh screams "MUH PADAWAN" and falls to the floor crying.
That was some real tard rage dude
Another Levi story:

>3rd grade
>We had "Lightspan labs" that we had to do every fucking morning
For those of you that don't know, Lightspan was this series of educational computer and PS1 games sold only to schools and homeschoolers
>I've been around computers a lot by this age, so I have basic understanding of how to use one
>Teacher sees this and tells my to help out Levi
>Forced to do it anyway
>Levi, being the tard he was, had no fucking clue how to do any of this shit, and he was just banging away at the keyboard
>He was also babbling what sounded like "You're a Grand Old Flag"
>Not putting up with his shit, I tried reaching for the mouse so I could click on the Lightspan icon for him
>Levi freaks the fuck out
>I get pushed back
>Levi displays his tard strength by causing the table he was at to flip over
>CPU and monitor crash to the ground
>Chain reaction starts where the tangle of cords underneath the table causes several more computers to crash down to the floor, one of them breaking
>Finally, Levi rips a keyboard from the wreckage and throws it at the TV where the PS1 Lightspan was hooked up
>TV screen cracks
>Teacher gets us the fuck out of there
>No Lightspan for a couple weeks

Fucking Levi.
top fucking kek
Thread posts: 49
Thread images: 10

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