ITT: We post fucked up shitting stories This happened about

>>553507446
Hahahahahaha

>>553507446
lost

Consider more fiber in your diet. Not to much, or you'll be like me and create a mudslide everytime you shit.

running late for teaching job. grab frozen burrito and eat on drive. getting stuck in traffic. stomach rumbles. something not ok with burrito. have to poop so bad. feels like daggers in my stomach. curling up with pain. call friend for emotional support, she laughs at me. trying to get over lanes to get exit - traffic isn't moving. some kind of accident. force my way across lines, people honking, everyone trying to get off highway, get to work, I just need to get to the gas station, get into their bathroom.

I am literally doubled over with pain by the time I get the keys in my hand, as I see the toilet, my whole stomach turns, and I start spraying shit in my pants. It feels like a goddamn orgasm.

I take my underwear off, throw them out. wipe shit off the inside of my pants as best I can.

go to work. act like I don't smell like shit all day.

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op that picture of yours is from this video enjoy
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=ef8_1402597799

> be 18 (now 40)
> lying in hospital with broken leg from paragliding accident
> not shitting for at least 10 days
> getting feaver
> dreaming of being on a pirate shit
> decide to sink it by shitting all over it
> shit all over it
> wake up in shit, get cleaned up by nurse

3 days later

> finally go to toilet
> sit on it for a half hour
> smell changes every 2 minutes
> at least 5 pounds, biggest dump ever taken

>stuffing face at an Asian buffet
>meal goes right through me
>run to bathroom stall and start splattering on the floor
>wipe my spicy asshole
>flush
>take more toilet paper and dip it in poo
>write "sorry" on the wall in my fecal matter
>fast as lightning out the door

>>553507446
glorious. my life has been improved by this.

Couple days ago, I don't knxow how big the damagxe is yet, shoulxd make the Bitcoin price change a bit, here's the link pastebin dpRTu56Y

>>553507446
kek

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>>553507446
>My shit fell down and slapped my balls in the process
You scared me. I'll never shit again.

>>553507446
>>My shit fell down and slapped my balls in the process

this is the funniest thing I've seen all week

thank you

>>553508597
Pic wasn't mine. My shit was nice and firm that day, it really resisted not going down further.

>>553508990
That was beautiful.

>>553507446
The next adult toy will be a giant PVC shit.


When you go on "How I Made My Million" make sure to say it was /b/.

>>553509170
How did it feel to finally get 5 pounds of shit out of you?

>>553507446
you got me so fucking hard lol

>>553509170
> not shitting for at least 10 days
but why? You haven't eat?

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>be me
>4am
>getting of work
>I usually eat something before I leave work
>almost always have to shit while im walking home so I sprint to this laundry mat that has bathroom
>the feces is upon me
>laundry mat is 4 blocks away from me
>im near my parents house
>figure fuck it ill stop in and use the bathroom
>sprint to my house cuss i gotta go
>take my keys out and try to open the door
>key wont fit
>bastards mustve changed the locks
>at that moment in time I had a mental flashback of my exs mom saying that everyone will shit their pants sooner or later
>NOTTODAY.jpg
>run to the back porch
>drop trawl and hover over a trash can
>then chocolate rain flowed from ass
>painted the inside of the trash can
>no bag in the can
>realize i have no toilet paper
>use socks
>clean up and leave
>out of curiosity I try every key on my key ring on my parents front door
>locks werent changed
>I bet my dad was really confused that day when he went out on the back porch
>mfw

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>Be 3 years old
>Trying to pinch a loaf on kitchen floor
>Mom catches me and screams
>Ass automatically sucks in shit and closes air tight
>Refuse to shit
>Laxatives
>Don't shit for 28 days
>Hospital
>Give birth to a coconut

I don't know how I was able to hold it, man.

>>553508939
Story of my life ... I feel you bro

>>553507446
kek

>>553509934
felt good
>>553510275
dunno, maybe my guts shut down temporarily or something

I got plenty of shit stories, who wants to hear one/some?

>>553511383
Go for it. Always up for a good laugh.

>>553511383
Go ahead

>>553509170
10 days? ive went over a month without shitting before, get on my level

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>>553507446
I had to go to the bathroom really bad and I was at the beach.

I looked for a portopotty or restroom for 5 minutes... it was happening

Go into the water and release dinner bowl quantities of shit soup

>the smell omg


Finally feel relieved

wave comes in

MFW kids are now splashing in my diarrhea water

>>553507446
>my shit started penetrating me
I fucking lost it

>alcoholic
>poor diet
>mud butt, every day bros

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>>553511605
is that even possible without causing intestinal damage?

>>553508990
floor

>>553509213
>>553510472
>>553510598
>>553511709
You guys made my day.

>>553511021
I have heard of a girl that doesn't shit but once every three weeks. They hire cleaners for her mess.

>>553509170
>40
>on /b/

pls reevaluate your life

>>553511968
easy... i shit about every 1-2 weeks regularly..

>>553509639
you motheryuker don't know how fucking terrible it feels!
just wait..

>>553511762
I know the feel, fighting cock nips, and natty ice are not my colons friend.

>>553511762

I feels ya.
Shitting barbed wire all day, every day.

not alcoholic, just a drunk.
Every second day, im i'n bed trying not to shit, because it's just a endless stream of hydrochloric/sulphuric acid concotion spraying all over once i first man up and get splashy.

>>553511471
>>553511493
Alright, here we go.

>Be 8 year old spic
>Attend my cousin's wedding in rural Mexico
>At the reception we had some "Carnitas"
>For those that don't know, it's basically fried pork.
>15 minutes later, I had that feeling in my stomach
>The bowels began to move and I had to clench my ass-cheeks.
>The nearest bathroom was at my grandmothers, which was quite a walk from where the reception was held.
>Decide fuck it, start walking.
>As soon as I stand up from my chair, I felt the most horrendous pain in my ass.
>Barley make it to my grandmothers.
>Thinking about the pure relief I was about to experience when I find out...
>Grandma is taking a shower.
>At this point I can feel the shit come out
>I clenched my ass cheeks for dear life.
>I failed.
>In my ass I feel the poop nugget I was supposed to shit in the toilet.
>Grandma comes out and says, "Anon, aren't you supposed to be at the reception?"
>I reply, "Yes...I just needed to use the bathroom"
>And as I walk in the heavily moist bathroom, I feel the weight of my poop nugget in my pants. My ass cheeks decieved me.

>>553510598
>Give birth to a coconut

Im crying

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I have a very vague memory of being about 3 or 4 and standing pantsless in my bathroom which I must have shat all over the floor, and my Mum coming and friend coming and seeing me standing their covered and surrounded by shit.
I don't have many memories from my early childhood but that is one the most prominent

>>553510598
http://youtu.be/vU8eL2CjzHw

>>553511968
idk, when it finally did come out it was one giant turd, i shit in a 12pk soda box and it was literally about an inch from my ass when i was done, i still usually only shit 1-3 times a week

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>>553511762
I know the feel

>>553512021
I got another one but it's not as funny.

My Mom was giving my little bro a bath in the sink when he was a baby.

When she picked him out he grunted and two giant green shits smacked the kitchen floor.

She quickly ran him to the changing table in the other room to clean him up

I go with to help

COme back with her to clean up the shit...

no shit anywhere

wtf

look over see dog covered in slimy green baby shit licking it's chops.

pic semi related

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>>553512540
>Barley make it to my grandmothers.
i lost again

>was 15
>want to fart really bad in class
>ninja fart, something doesn't feel right
>hand in pant, white hand in, brown fingers out
>sited in my own shit for 1 hour
>mfw girl in the back asked me "anon, do you smell that?"
>"no"

>Be me
>13th birthday
>Walking home from school
>With AZN homie
>Bowels start to drop
>OHSHITFUCK.gif
>AZN homie tells me to sit down on blacktop
>Tells me its ancient azn secret
>Whole damn high school is watching me
>They ask if I'm ok
>yeah sure whatever
>get up the courage to stand up
>Shit ten pounds of sewage water
>Dudes start cracking up
>runningdownmyleg.jpeg
>Still had a mile walk to go
>birthday was kind of a bummer

>Go through period of absolutely horrendous diet
>Eat several large pizzas over a three day period without shitting
>eventually it's time to shit
>try to shit
>shit won't come out, it's too large
>intense pain, sweating, feel faint
>sister is outside, worried
>i ask her to get me some water
>eventually, start getting contractions (i'm really not joking), i feel waves of pressure going down my diaphragm forcing the shit out of my anus
>collapse on the floor, can't stand up, so i poo on the floor naturally, it's humongous
>pick up the poo with newspaper, throw it in the toilet, toilet now blocked
>second wave of contractions, time for poo number 2
>poo on newspaper this time
>i know the toilet is already blocked so i throw the shit out the window
>arse is badly tore up and bleeding.
>sister and my friends still mock me about the event.

When I was in the Army a guy shit himself on the run. He had to do the shitty walk all the way back. I actually felt bad for him. Boy did they tear at him for the rest of the time.

>>553507446
>went to my friends house
>friend is mexicunt
>had mexifood
>doesn't sit well with bowels
>stomach rumbles like a fat man falling down the stairs
>ask friend's mom where bathroom is
>excuse self
>reach bathroom
>need to take massive shit
>feel it squeezing out of asscheeks
>try to lift lid of toilet seat
>stuck! wtf?
>baby lock on seat
>can't lift it, hand in pants now to keep shit in place
>panic
>try to climb up to go in the sink, i'd clean it up with water and paper
>lift whole body weight with arms supporting my position
>in sink now
>full shit occurs
>can't control it
>uhoh.. not hard shit at all
>small dark hard turdling leaves my ass and i let out mammoth of all farts and spray syrup like diarrhea
>asscheeks slapping against the sink
>hear awkward creak
>sink collapses forward
>takes me with it
>spray shit all over the walls and on the mirror then continue to void bowels all over myself as my face is plastered to the floor
>friend hears and asks if there's anything wrong
>reassure him i just dropped my phone
>run out of house never to return again

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>>553513273
>"no"

I had 2 fried chicken sandwiches right before i went to bed and it gave me the shits

>>553512540
Continue.

>>553512980
Lol. My little brother always shat on the moment my parents would bing me to school. He always shat so much his diaper got pressurized and blowing it in his t-shirt.

>>553511709
Oh Christ
>>553511762
Dillon?

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anyone remember this classic?

>>553510598
i'm reading this over and over and it doesn't get any unfunnier

>>553514135
babies are fucking disgusting little creatures.

Got a kind of awkward one.

> Be me
> Be 9y.o or so, back in elem.school
> Join a friend home for birthdayparty after school
> Walk uphill, feel a small fart lingering
> titanic.webm
> running down my leg, light pants
> disappear home fast as hell, make excuses
> can feel and see the pants getting discolored down the leg, as we i walk home
> Get home. door locked. noone home

>tfw walk of fame home, then having to wait for mom, while having shitpants
> impressedmom.jpg

>>553513536
why the fuck are you throwing the newspaper with the poop along?

>>553514135
>Take the smelliest shit ever.
>It's like the a-bomb of rotten eggs.
>I have to pick up the fucking poop nugget with my hands.
>I usually wait until the very end to take just one flush.
>Clog the toilet, water isn't moving at all.
>Wash my hands and book it out of there.

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>>553513726
felt this worth a screencap
10/10 anon

>Be me
>Be 17
>Fucking gf 7/10 huge boobs
>Nothing but missionary cause we feel lazy
>I ate some spaghetti before going over
>I slow down my pace as I feel my stomach rumbling
>She notices my strokes changing pace
>Bend over and make out with her just to distract as I let soft puffs of gas out
>OP must go NAO
>Super stroke for the next 30 seconds
>Tell gf I'm about to finish
>Run to bathroom
>Close/lock door
>Explode in toilet while moaning as loud as I can to cover up the splishy splashy
>mwf next day her mom was bitching about how the can of lysol was empty

>>553511383
I fucking hate you. You knew people wanted to hear it. Fuck you. Stop posting stupid ass bait

>be 8
>at grandmas who is a babbysitter
>she is taking care of some girl, age 4 or 5 iirc
>walk into bathroom
>girl is standing over toilet chewing something, had something in her hand
>.."why are you eating a candyba-- ohhh"
>slowly walk out and never tell anyone until today

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> Be 18
> Lifeguard at private country club pool
> Just got on the stand for my hour rotation
> Can feel diarrhea coming
> ohfuck.jpeg
> Sit on towel
> Shits coming
> I clench harder than ever but to no avail
> Shittingmyself.gif
> At the end of my rotation I folded my towel over and ran to the bathroom
Pic related. Me shitting myself.
Worst night of my life /b/ros

>>553514763
You mad bro? Suck my uncut goy cock.

>>553514692
thanks. i can only imagine his hot mom walking in to discover the shit sprayed nagasaki that was.. i actually ran home covered in shit and when i got home, there's this little rat bastard dog in the neighborhood that doesn't like anything that moves and chases people if they run. i stunk like a mother fucker and was running and i had this little ankle biter try to take a chunk of me. im pretty sure jumping at my ass must have caused it to get a nice shit covered wig. i hope so, fuckers shouldn't let it run around like that.

>>553514763
i agree with this guy

>Be a junkie
>Take 5 pound dumps every 5 days
>Asshole always bleeding

>>553510275
I was the same after i got in my car accident. If you're stuck in bed and not moving much you wont have bowel movements as often.

>>553515613

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

>don't remember how old I was
>very young, maybe five
>commence taking a shit like a grown up
>don't need mom to wipe my ass
>my shit's flowing nice and healthily, hell yeah
>suddenly stops
>I feel something dangling from my asshole
>It's shit
>like a punching bag of shit, hanging from my asshole
>i freak out
>yell for mum
>she comes in, I tell her
>she knocks the shit into the toilet with her protected hand
>not her bare hand

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>>553514762
>tfw u get diarrhoea at a girl's house and you excuse yourself and come back half an hour later with wafts of febreeze floating off you so thick that you can taste it

> be in high school
> bike trip with friends
> eat something unknown
> on way back home
> stomach noises
> ominous pain in intestines
> feel the gas building up
> tell myself I'll wait till I'm home
> asscheeks sweating profusely
> damaging skin on bike saddle
> Trying to hold it while cycling
> Intestines initiate Shitzkrieg
> inb4 worldofpain.avi
> Jump off bike, jump in bushes
> Throw away my pants
> Shit the mother of all shits
> Irritated skin hurts like a motherfucker
> Howl like I'm possessed
> My asshole produces 105 dBSPL brown noise
> The last gas pockets and drops of liquid fire leave my beaten asshole
> I'm crying of relief
> Clean myself with my shit-stained socks
> I felt raped that day

>>553515904
Look who it is again, ID Heaven. I'm fed up with your shit faggot. The other day when you called me a newfag, yeah, haven't forgotten about that yet.
Fuck you I've been on here for months and probably get on here more than you anyways. Don't you know that you make yourself look like a newfag when you call others newfag?
Just because you learned how to hack your name and change it to "Heaven" does not give you the right to disrespect anyone at any time.

>>553515904
gorilla?
lol wut?
you mean guerilla? fucking 12 year old.

>>553516471
baitbaitbaitbaitbait

>>553516161
>> Clean myself with my shit-stained socks
Lost it.

>>553516471

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=NsZMbs5PC64

>>553515904
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I will walk slowly to you and place my hands on either side of your head. Then, I will lean in and kiss you gently. As I pull my head back to look into your shining eyes I pull down on your head and slam it against my knee. At this point you will start crying, so I yell at you to stop. You just keep crying so I rip off your panties and shove them in your mouth to shut you up. Then I strip off your clothes as you start to struggle and begin forcing fingers inside of your pussy. Soon my pants are off (shirt is still on, i will not give you the respect) and I'm erect. I begin to pound your vagina, tearing it and your hymen as you try to scream through your wadded up panties. I switch to your asshole, the lack of lubricant and my girth enough to rip you. I spank you relentlessly and you keep sobbing quietly as you soil yourself. I flip you over and pull the underwear from your mouth then begin to fuck your mouth. You begin to choke, to gag, and eventually vomit. I pull out and you gasp for breath. I slap you. You've stopped crying by now. I tell you this will happen every week, at the exact same time, and if you tell anybody I will kill you. As you burst into tears again I slide my dick into your mouth and cum, forcing you to swallow the mixture of vomit and cum. Then I make you come with me to shower, so we can clean off the blood and piss and vomit from our bodies. You have stopped crying, your gaze empty as you dress yourself. I leave you, only to come back the next week to enjoy your tight hole all over again, kiddo.

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>>553516471

>>553517341
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I will walk slowly to you and place my hands on either side of your head. Then, I will lean in and kiss you gently. As I pull my head back to look into your shining eyes I pull down on your head and slam it against my knee. At this point you will start crying, so I yell at you to stop. You just keep crying so I rip off your panties and shove them in your mouth to shut you up. Then I strip off your clothes as you start to struggle and begin forcing fingers inside of your pussy. Soon my pants are off (shirt is still on, i will not give you the respect) and I'm erect. I begin to pound your vagina, tearing it and your hymen as you try to scream through your wadded up panties. I switch to your asshole, the lack of lubricant and my girth enough to rip you. I spank you relentlessly and you keep sobbing quietly as you soil yourself. I flip you over and pull the underwear from your mouth then begin to fuck your mouth. You begin to choke, to gag, and eventually vomit. I pull out and you gasp for breath. I slap you. You've stopped crying by now. I tell you this will happen every week, at the exact same time, and if you tell anybody I will kill you. As you burst into tears again I slide my dick into your mouth and cum, forcing you to swallow the mixture of vomit and cum. Then I make you come with me to shower, so we can clean off the blood and piss and vomit from our bodies. You have stopped crying, your gaze empty as you dress yourself. I leave you, only to come back the next week to enjoy your tight hole all over again, kiddo.

>>553517341

are you kidding me you little piece of shit i’ll have you know i graduated top of my politics class and i’ve been involved in privilege checking with over 150 confirmed political demonstrations i’m trained in conflict resolution and i was the most oppressed person in my entire upper middle class high school you are nothing to me but another cultural appropriator i will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which have never been seen on this side of the 49th parallel mark my words you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet think again fucker, as we speak i’m checking with my anarcho-communist analyst brigade for your location so you better be prepared to deal with some molotov cocktails and angry feminists flying through your window yOU’RE FUCKING DEAD CHERRY! i can be anywhere at any time and i can kill you in over seven hundred ways and that’s just with me boring you to death while i talk about privilege not only am i extensively trained in hotline management but i have access to an entire arsenal of sociological articles to prove my point and i will use them to wipe your fucking face off the earth you little shit if only you had known what oppressed retribution your cultural appropriation would unleash then maybe you would have held your fucking tongue but you couldn’t you’re fucking dead kiddo

>>553516471

What the fuck did you just fucking type about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at MIT, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids with Anonymous, and I have over 300 confirmed DDoSes. I am trained in online trolling and I’m the top hacker in the entire world. You are nothing to me but just another virus host. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on the Internet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with typing that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we chat over IRC I am tracing your IP with my damn bare hands so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your computer. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hack into your files in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in hacking, but I have access to the entire arsenal of every piece of malware ever created and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the world wide web, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking fingers. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit code all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>>553517341
>>553517550
>>553517603
>>553517957
You must have no life. Like how can you even write that fast

>>553516471
What the swag did you just fucking yolo about me, you little wayne? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SwagFags, and I’ve been involved in numerous Obey Records , and I have over 300 confirmed Swaggers. I am trained in wearing snapbacks and I’m the top poser in the entire Swagfag Army. You are nothing to me but just another No swag. I will swag you the fuck out with swagger the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking hashtags. You think you can get away with not taking pictures in the mirror over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my mom, she has alot of swag, and your ratchet ass is being traced right now so you better prepare for the yolo, nigga. The yolo that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your swag. You’re fucking dead, nigga. I can swag anywhere, anytime, and I can swag in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my baggy skinny jeans. Not only am I extensively trained in having plugs and snake bites, but I have access to the entire Hollister store. and I will use it to its full swaggness to wipe your miserable swag off the face of tumblr, you little Non trend follower. I will swag yolo all over you and you will swag in it. You’re fucking dead, nigga.

>>553518327

We are Anonymous.
We are Legion.
We do not forgive.
We do not forget.
Expect us.

>>553518327
What the doge did you just shibing say about me, you little doge? I'll have you know I shibed top of my doge in the Shibe Doges, and I've been shibed in numerous doge raids on Shibe, and I have over 300 confirmed doges. I am trained in shibe doge and I'm the top doge in the entire US shibe forces. You are nothing to doge but just another shibe. I will shibe you the doge out with shibe the doge of which has never been doged before on this Shibe, mark my doge words. You think you can get away with shibing that doge to me over the Shibe? Think again, doge. As shibe speak doge am contacting my secret doge of shibe across the DOGE and your SHIBE is being doged right shibe so shibe better prepare for the doge, shibe. The doge that shibes out the doge little shibe you call your doge. You're shibing doge, shibe. Doge can be shibe, shibe, and I can shibe you in over seven hundred doges, and that's just with my doge shibes. Not only am I shibe trained in doge shibe, but I have access to the entire doge of the Shibe Doge Marine Shibe and doge will shibe it to its full doge to shibe your miserable doge off the face of the doge, you little shibe. If only doge could have shibed what dogely shibe your little "doge" shibe was about to shibe down upon doge, maybe shibe would have held doge shibe tongue. But doge couldn't, shibe didn't, and now doge paying the price, you shibe doge. Shibe will doge shibe all over doge and doge will shibe in it. Shibe doge shibe, doge.

>>553518327

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? I’ll have you know I graduated top of Japan and I’m responsible for heart attacks of criminals world wide, and I have 124,925 confirmed kills. I trained myself to be the best in a battle of wits and I’m the god of this new world. You are nothing to me but just another name. I will wipe you the fuck out in a method that you can’t even comprehend, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? Think again fucker. As we speak I am contacting all my followers and your personal file is being brought to my location right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime and kill you in over 2 million differant ways, and that’s just with my notebook. Not only am I extensively trained in finding out your name, but I have access to the entire arsenal of over 30 thousand world wild followers and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would of held you fucking tounge. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you god damn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>>553518327
What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin. You’re going to Church, kiddily-widdily. Jesus can be anywhere, anytime, and he can turn you to the Gospel in over infinity ways, and that’s just with his bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in preaching to nonbelievers, but I have access to the entire dang- diddily Bible collection of the Springfield Bible College and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sins away off the face of the continent, you diddily-doo satan-worshipper. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you from the Heavens, maybe you would have held your darn-diddily-fundgearoo tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re clean of all your sins, you widdillo-skiddily neighborino. I will sing hymns of praise all over you and you will drown in the love of Christ. You’re farn-foodily- flank-fiddily reborn, kiddo-diddily.

>>553518327

What the fuck did you just fucking say about my gear, you little n00b? I’ll have you know I am a lvl 90 Undead Arcane Mage, and I’ve won so many PVP matches, and I have done raids on every 10 man heroic dungeon. I also have a fuckton of macros and I have a GS of 10K. You are nothing to me but just a lvl 12 gnome hunter. I will pwn the fuck out of you with Arcane Missiles the likes of which has never been seen before on Azeroth AND Outland, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over raid? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my guild of mages and shamans across The Eastern Kingdoms and your character is being targeted right now so you better prepare for the ownage, n00b. The Arcane Barrage that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your character. You’re fucking pwn’d, n00b. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my secondary talent tree. Not only am I extensively trained in Arcane magic, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Fire magic and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable neckbeard off the face of Azeroth, you little faggot. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re getting debuffed, you goddamnn00b. I will shit Dragon’s Breath all over you and you will burn in it. You’re fucking pwn’d, faggot.

>>553518929
>>553518670
>>553518546
>>553518410
>>553517957
>>553517603
>>553517550
>>553517341
What the fuck are you doing? This thread is a gold mine, go spam the Boxxy thread or something.

>>553516161
>>553513536
>>553513726
Lost it.

>Be drunk at a bar with friends
>Go to let loose what I think is a horrific far
>Thatsnotafart.png
>Panic because I just filled my drawers with liquid shit
>Run to bathroom before it soaks into my jeans
>Sit on disgusting piss soaked toilet and shit my brains out
>Take off underwear and try to flush them
>Clogs toilet and shit starts overflowing
>Walk out and act like nothing happened and go back to drinking
>Laugh later when friend goes to piss and says that there is a pair of shitty briefs on the ground in the bathroom.

>>553518929
>>553518760
>18760 ?
>>>553518327
>>553518670
>>553518546
>>553518410
>>553517957
>>553517603
>>553517550
>>553517341
This thread was glorious and you're ruining it with your cancer !

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>>553519136

This is now a spiderman-thread

>>553519136
Look who it is again, ID KnyXmi/W. I'm fed up with your shit faggot. The other day when you called me a newfag, yeah, haven't forgotten about that yet.
Fuck you I've been on here for months and probably get on here more than you anyways. Don't you know that you make yourself look like a newfag when you call others newfag?
Just because you learned how to hack your name and change it to "KnyXmi/W" does not give you the right to disrespect anyone at any time.

>be 5-6
>in school, it's time for a bathroom break
>i go pee and then wait around in the bathroom for some odd reason
>see the tard kid we have in our class
>he has his pants all the way down
>he starts peeing
>and then he yells I'M SORRY
>shit water everywhere
>all the other kids screaming
>then it stopped
>then the biggest turd i ever fucking saw
>he doesn't wipe
>he walks out of the bathroom and got detention

What the fuck did you just fucking bark at me, you inferior breed? I'll have you know I was picked top of my litter in a proffesional breeder's house, and I've been involved in several walks, and I have over 300 confirmed milkbones. I am trained in rolling over and I'm the top dog in my neighborhood. You are nothing to me but just another squeaky toy. I will bury you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before by my human, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with barking that shit to me over the fence? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am howling at my pack across the town and your smell is being sniffed right now so you better prepare for the bites, maggot. The bites that wipe out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, dog. I can walk anywhere, anytime, and I can bark at you in over 700 different ways, and that's with my mouth nuzzled. Not only am I extensively trained in doing tricks, but I have access to an entire arsenal of pet toys and I will bite them to their full extent to wipe your miserable tail off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" barking was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're being fixed. I will shit fury all over the sidewalk and you will have to pick it up. You're fucking dead, doggie.

>>553519378
>>553519136
Ignore Heaven troll, I'm writing another one.

>>553519136
I agree this is the best fucking thread i've seen in weeks

>>553516161
>Shitzkrieg
>105 dBSPL brown noise
>shit-stained socks
the trifecta right there

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>>553519636
are you mad or just don't want to laugh at people shitting themselves

>Be me two years ago
>I was changing my eating habits, so I started to get sick often idk why
>This time I had a strong stomachache
>Midnight
>Lying in bed
>Fucking stomach start hurting
>Weirdnoises.wav
>I try to ignore them by falling asleep again
>I can't
>It starts hurting a lot more
>Have to stand up
>Suddenly have to shit
>I really have to fucking take a shit
>Go running into the bathroom
>Close the door
>Please don't make any noise, dear stomach
>All my family is sleeping
>At the same time I feel I want to vomit
>nowwhat.jpeg
>I start vomiting in the toilet
>I start shitting in the air
>All at the same fucking time
>mfw finished
>mfw all the wall is covered in shit and all the toilet in vomit

>>553519680
Detention for uncontrollable shits... the system rocks.

>>553519993
Look who it is again, ID MlRhknY5. I'm fed up with your shit faggot. The other day when you called me a newfag, yeah, haven't forgotten about that yet.
Fuck you I've been on here for months and probably get on here more than you anyways. Don't you know that you make yourself look like a newfag when you call others newfag?
Just because you learned how to hack your name and change it to "MlRhknY5" does not give you the right to disrespect anyone at any time.

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>>553511709
>kids are now splashing in my diarrhea water

>>553519993

I don’t give a fuck who you are or where you live. You can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end. I’ll put you in so much fucking pain that it’ll make Jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a fucking back massage on a tropical island. I don’t give a fuck how many reps you have or how tough you are IRL, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I’ll fucking show up at your house when you aren’t home. I’ll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You’re going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you’ll have a fucking heart attack. You’ll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you’ll see when you’re being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor. When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You’ll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I’ll run you over with my fucking car out of no where and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I’d rather go to a great fuckng length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing fucking hell. It’s too late to save yourself, but don’t bother committing suicide either… I’ll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitch-faced phaggot. Welcome to hell, population: you

>be me
>be 7
>take a really big shit
>it was long, and coiled up in the toilet like a snake
>it even had a section that looked like a head

Hey I just saw you on the front page of 4chan and I know a lot of guys are going to pounce on me for this but you really shouldn't come to this site and if you do especially not /b/. I only read some of the comments and it looks like you are taking it well but sometimes people post really bad stuff on here and I don't think you are ready for it. I have a lot of interest in curvy women and that's one of the reasons I come to 4chan. I don't think your honor based upbringing is really going to understand what the kids on this forum do. They are probably going to try to make you show your breasts (write stuff like Tits or GTFO) or something like that or post violent pics. Some people on here even joke about incest. I don't want to come off as lecturing you but I just don't know why you came here. Did some white guy you are dating tell you to come to this site? He probably thought it would be funny to see your reaction when people start posting things that you can't handle. I hope you take my advice, I don't really know what else to say except you might want to try /soc/ that is usually where the chill people hang out. I'm not just doing this because you are so pretty or something like that, I realize you are thousands of miles away and there isn't much of a chance that we could ever meet each other. I just want you to know that you deserve better than this site and whatever creepy white guy sent you here, you should be with someone that respects you and doesn't put you in an awkward position like this. I like 4chan and I like /b/ but I just don't want to see you get hurt here

Okay OP, you're really doing this. This is the first time I've ever told anyone this, outside of the immediate family members that had to help me out. Yes, people had to fucking help me. Here it goes -

>Be in 7th grade on Jr. High football team
>First day of practice
>Practices were always right after school
>Feel a mad shit from lunch coming on
>"Please butt cheeks stay together!"
>Tell coach I have to use the restroom
>Sprint into the locker room
>FUCKING TOILETS ARE CLOSED OFF
>Fucking janitors and plumbers in there fixing the shitters from a pipe leaking
>Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!
>Sprint out of boys locker room and into the gymnasium
>Go up to doors and try to open them to get to the hallway bathroom
>FUCKING DOORS ARE CHAINED SHUT ON THE OTHER SIDE!
>Can't hold it
>Shit my fucking shorts right there
>Run back across gym, crying like a little bitch
>Shit falling out of my shorts and all across the gym floor
>Shit trail leads to through gymnasium, through boys locker room and out of the door
>Run my ass to my grandparents house two blocks away
>Cry like a little bitch the whole time
>Knock on the door and my Grandpa answers
>I'm crying and he sees the shit down my legs
>Go inside and they turn on the shower for me
>Crying as I take a shower, getting all of the shit off of me
>Get out and my mom is there now
>Grandparents called my mom. fuck.jpeg
>They burnt the shorts and underwear I was wearing
>Mom and grandparents say that they won't tell anyone
>Mom calls coach and says that I got sick and ran to grandparents house after throwing up
>Older cousin knows because the next day he walks me to another bathroom in the weight room, ACROSS FROM THE FUCKING BOYS LOCKER ROOM.

And that is the story of how I shit my pants and never told anyone until right now.

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>Be me
> Taking my little bro to dentist
> Stop in bathroom to piss
>Little Bro goes in stall
> Little Bro "OMG LOOK AT THIS HUGE SHIT"
> Me " STFU yea right"
> Go to stall
> See this

>go on road trip with wife
>eat shitty gas station food
>stomach gurgles but on the free way with no stops for miles
>tell wife she get pissy
>find brown bag from liqour store
>this will have to do
>start one legging it into the bag
>hit huge pothole
>shit goes everywhere
>worse vacation ever

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>be mexican
>be 10
>be really fucking sick, diarrhea and vomit
>go to doctor
>doctor injects my bum
>think I'm better now
>"water" day or some shit like that, everyone throws water at you and shit
>be celebreating it at school
>be throwing water balloons at friends and teachers, having a laugh
>start feeling sick
>ohshit.jpg
>WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY STOMACH
>can't move, try to run to the toilets
>began shitting myself
wearing shorts and flip flops btw, no underwear
>warm rivers of shit going down my legs
>running as fast as I can
>when I get there I notice I'm all covered in shit
>try to clean it all up but no toilet paper
cont

>>553514094
kek 10/5

Ok, this is the worst moment of my life I'm about to greentext here

>Be 14
>Feeling really sick
>Go into toilet about to be sick
>Need to shit also
>Make the decision that i'll be sick and just hold it in
>Bend over toilet and be sick with the force of a thousand suns
>Oh shit
>literally
>All thaat force that wwas holding in my shit just let it all out
>Still wearing my trousers
>Shitt just pours of my ass travelling at the speed of light and then runs down my leg
>I jump up and the smell makes me sick again
>Slip on the shit/sick mixture and hit the floor
>Fewhours later
>Wake up in a hospital bed

Apparently when i slipped my head hit the bathroom tiles and i knocked myself out. What i was told when i woke up is that my Parents had broke down the bathroom door to find me lying unconcious in a pool of liquid shit and sick. From then on i always shit and be sick in the sink next to me.

>>553516161
I hate the pre ass sweat that comes before the actual shit

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>be 14
>be in school
>suffer from diarrhea from previous day
>recess
>gotta take a shit
>can't hold it in
>i feel how i'm shitting myself
>run to bathroom
>throw shitty underwear into my school bag for some reason (might have used a plastic bag)
>wipe my ass, clean myself
>wore jeans, luckily they weren't dirty
>spent the rest of the time in school without underwear, carrying around shitty boxers

Felt bad at the time.

> Be 14
> Coming back from buffet after eating a lot.
> Suddenly a grumbling in my stomach
> The most painful thing I've felt in a while
> I'm aching at this point.
> Yelling at my mom to hurry up before I shit myself.
> I feel like I'm going to give birth and I can't stand.
> Get home and sprint to the bathroom at Mach 2 speed.
> Shitty ass cousin who takes long ass showers is in there.
> fuckthis.jpeg
> Time to go animal
> Take a massive shit in the yard and trying to push my dog away as he is trying to eat my shit.
> My asshole was just in pain for the rest of the day.
> Throw away shit stained underwear.
It wasnt the best day in my life /b/

>>553508939
why the fuck would you continue to work you fucking moron?

Attention 4chan!

I recently came upon 4chan when a friend recommended I visit the sites for a few laughs. I figured "What the hell? I could use some laughs." I must say that when I came on I was disgusted and not amused at all. Why you ask? Because everything on this entire site is literally shit! I mean yes there is funny pictures posted every now and then. But honestly; Do any of you little shits have a life? I mean are you so immature and unintelligant that you find things like cartoon porn and random naked UNDERAGE children funny?

GROW UP! Grow up 4chan. You all seriously need a reality check, You could be doing so many things in the day, yet you all choose to sit around on your fucking fat ugly asses and post pictures and then make sarcastic or idiotic comments like "tits or gtfo" "o rly?" and "Manchester united!".

Get off your fat asses and do something better with your life. I mean all of you obviously have no life or a social life either for that matter. Why? Because your so immature and your the very reason why Mother's go through Depression during pregnancy; and the supposed "girls" that come on here and converse with you are just as much losers are you, they are either fatter then fatty-tan or a term you'd better understand as "A trap".

Well I've put in my two cents, and on a last note, I hope you all one day realize just how much of a loser you are, and honestly kill yourself. I could care less if every single one of you got testicular cancer including the girls and then died naked fat and ugly with a pile of shit and pee oozing from your bowels that excavated due to your death. Grow up Assholes!

>>553520154
I swear on my life I didn't make that shit up.

it is a weird feeling to shit in water.

then I had to reun my fingers up and down real quick like in my asscrack to get the rest off my ass hair / ass cheeks. It's like i was paning for gold man. Somehow it managed to say sticky even in the salt water.

Niggas should have had a fucking bathroom.

I guess it's not that bad right, animals poo in the water?

I wouldn't do it for fun, but if ya gatta go.... worked ok I guess.

>be me
>long night of drinking with friends
>babes everywhere
>hit on them
>get denied by a few
>meet this girl
>dream girl all up in my face
>casual conversation
>feel like shit in my stomach
>tell her ill be right back
>she says ok
>feel like im about to shit the world out
(alcohol makes me shit really bad no solid logs here)
>make it to bathroom
>look at toilet sweet relief
>hear moans think its in the room next door
>nope
>people fucking in shower
>they look at me
>i look at them finish my shit and walk away
>go back to girl of my dreams
>she takes me to a different room
(think it was my bros)
>she like half sucks my dick
>passout
>wake up in the morning gotta fart
>my asshole lied to me
>this was no ordinary fart this was the kraken
>as I push out the fart I feel a paste like shit
>oh hell no it stinks
>pull girl of my dreams from out under my arm
>go to my bros bathroom shower
>go home and never get girls number


curse you alcohol you ruined my life (kinda)

>>553507446
>Be me
>In shower and is enjoying life
>sudenly i feel a turd pushing against my anus
>i don't wanna go out of the shower and make the toilet seat wet
>Take giant shit in hand
>toss it ina toilet
>keep on shower

>>553521093
A kid was fucking another kid at my HS. The kid took his pack pack in the bathroom took a shit in it and put it back.

Be in med school.
This very morning, be pissing one out before class.
Hear a gurgling sound from below, apparently a heterogeneous mixture of mostly liquid excrement with a few solid pieces is flowing out, completely unexpected.
Caught me completely by surprise, I didn't even feel like I had to crap one off before it happened.

Stand there in shock over the beef stew like feces on the floor, 40 minutes before clase.

Somehow the backs of my legs are completely stooled, had to take a shower.

Man up and go to class anyway.

Get to class on time, teacher didn't show.

Went to class more or less in vain.

>be 3
>showering with brother
> brother sharts
> poop is clogged in the drain
> throw up

>>553521291
>You could be doing so many things in the day, yet you all choose to sit around on your fucking fat ugly asses and post pictures and then make sarcastic or idiotic comments like "tits or gtfo" "o rly?" and "Manchester united!".
>"Manchester united!"
fucking lol

>>553520458
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>>553521743
this

Get ready for a shit story /b/.

Working at the grocery store was going alright that day. Not too much was going on and we weren't that busy. Bagging groceries was a pretty easy job and from time to time I would also take carts in from the lot. I was the fastest bagger and the fastest at taking carts in so I figured that I would have a little immunity from cleaning the floors or organizing the shelves. Both were activities that I did not like to do so much as it hurt my back to clean floors bent over and I was never very good at knowing where everything in the store went.
I was making a trip to the bathroom as I had drank quite a large amount of water while doing the lot (taking carts inside). It was very hot that day so I was making sure to stay hydrated. On my way there I passed the cooler filled with energy drinks and noticed that someone had left a piece of mulch on the floor. Thinking nothing of it, I walked past and continued in to take care of business.

Once my business was taken care of I washed my hands and came out of the bathroom feeling good and about ready to head back to the front when something else caught my attention.

As I walked past the women's restroom I couldn't help but feel that the air felt funny on my nose. Not quite like it had an odor, but it felt more humid that normal, even warm. I continued on hoping that it was just my imagination and came across that piece of mulch yet again. Someone had slipped on it and left a skid on the floor.

This was no piece of mulch.

>>553521985
this

>>553521743
pasta/10

>>553522195

I decided to leave it there for someone else. I was not going to deal with that today, not again. I started to walk back to the front of the store to get back to my job when I thought I heard something behind me. When I turned around to see what it was, a woman was beckoning me towards her. I gave her a confused look and her beckoning quickened. Walking over to her, she looked around for a moment before whispering in my ear,

"Sir, there is a problem in the women's restroom."

"What kind of problem, miss?" I asked, unsure what she was talking about.
She then answered in a way that caused my gut to wrench,

"A very big problem," she said in a hushed tone.

Following her to the women's bathroom she stopped before coming to the door and pointed at it.

"You better check it out." she said.
She checked to be sure that no one was in there before leaving me to it. I approached the door.

The air had now become warmer, more humid, and it stunk. Not in the "someone just pooped and didn't turn on the fan" way, more in the "someone has literally turned their intestines inside out" way.

As I opened the door, a wall of hot air hit me in the face as it rushed to escape from the hellhole that was the women's bathroom.
I dared to inhale. As I did the putrid smell of a thousand raging shits bombarded my nostrils with their shit-stink artillery harder than a nuclear shit-splosion. Backing away, I knew I was not prepared to venture forth right at that time, but the challenge was accepted.

>>553522234
So you lold

>>553522234
pasta/10

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>>553520773
>high school pricks start messing with me, they were in the toilets filling balloons with water
>they break my stall's door
>start throwing balloons at me
>notice I'm all covered in shit
>they all laugh at me, they can't even breathe
>keep throwing balloons at me
>they go away and tell everyone apparently, because the nurse came to see me
>asked if I was ok
>are you really asking that, you dumb slut?
>I ask for paper, for the love of god
>she brings some
>I clean myself up the best I can
>go out, keep getting splashed by people oblivious to my suffering
>I go to the nurse's office
>sit on a chair waiting for her
>asks me to come in, gives me pepto- bismol
>I notice I shat on the chair
>run away, crying. I sit outside near a garden
>a guy was there, looks at me in disgust
>looks down to my shorts
>I look down to, notice I'm still shitting myself
>I run away leaving a trail of shit behind me
>teachers are splashing everyone with a giant hose
>this is my opportunity
>I run there and wash myself, nobody notices, I'm clean again
>run to the pool and stay there until everything's over
Shittiest day of my life

>>553522371
I left to go get a couple wet floor signs in order to keep people from walking on the poop in front of the energy drink cooler and to keep people out of the bathroom. Once this was done I went to tell the front desk that someone had destroyed the women's bathroom. I was not about to take this challenge alone.

As they were looking for someone to help me out with what they thought was a small accident, I ventured forth. Daring to take the first steps of this quest, I returned to the bathroom and went inside fully, closing the door behind me.

What happened then could be described as a near death experience for me. I nearly fell on the floor and I lost my vision for what was but a moment, but it was a moment too much as I stepped into the first pile of shit on the floor just inside the bathroom door.

Nearly slipping and falling back first into the next pile, I regained my balance. Dignity stayed with me and helped me up to take on what I feared might be my last challenge.

It was time to inspect the damage.

>Be 16
>Be Emerging as a badass at school
>Drunk at party
>Hot chick at school I've been lusting after all over me
>We get all hot and heavy, try and find a room
>No bedroom, choose bathroom
>Pick her up and put her on counter start sucking face
>She starts stroking my dick
>Stomach grumbles, loudly. All too familiar feeling.
>she giggles, we carry on.
>Sudden vomit urge, must've been the white russians
>Lean over to vomit in toilet. Volcano time
>Immense pressure in stomach,
>Asscano occurs

I shit and vomited all over myself and the bathroom.

Funny story though, we dated for 3 years and she actually helped me escape party with minimal notice

>>553513726
"...like a fat man falling down the stairs."
My sides are in fucking orbit. I fucking love you.

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>be 15
>eat subway
>skating with friends
>suddenly footlong inside me is upset
>try to overcome this feeling
>go away from friends and breathe
>ok fuck this gotta go home
>10 blocks away
>skating up a hill when suddenly
>dominos chocolate lava.webm
>when i get home i clean myself up and
accept that i diarrhea'd myself
mfw

>>553522562
What I witnessed was far worse than I could have ever imagined. Not only was the excrement all over the floor, but it made a definitive trail to the handicap stall. Being very careful of where I stepped I continued on, taking small breaths until the smell subsided and I was able to think clearly. As I came to the stall door I slowly swung it open, worried that I might touch part of the door that had been covered in what was clearly a large anal explosion.

The door opened in slow motion as my brain needed more time to process the amount of poop being registered by my eyes. Human brains simply aren't designed to witness such things. As the door revealed more and more of the stall, my eyes watered and my disbelief waxed. Not only had the person who did this missed the toilet, but they had missed the floor.

Literally, shit was piled up the walls to my waist (I am 6'5") and the smell form this stall trumped all previous smells I had encountered throughout the course of my life. In the corner sat a mudpie the likes of which was double the size of my largest shit alone. Not only that but the entire toilet, and I mean the ENTIRE toilet, was brown and running down to the floor around it.

I heard the door to the bathroom squeak open and I turned to see who was going to take on this level 100 quest with me. As the door swung, I heard a slight gagging noise as the person pushing it struggled to contain their lunch. They failed. I saw the spray of vomit come into the bathroom through the crack as they failed all over the floor. Not seeing where it had come from, the door closed and I was left there alone once more. I don't think they even knew I was there.

>>553522735
The fact that I was now alone in this venture would have to wait though, as a new horror had caught my attention. I had truly thought it was not possible to be any worse than what it was when I saw the sink next to the door for the first time. Like the toilet, it was brown inside and dripping around the edges, completely clogged with a pair of very large and very soiled women's underwear draped over the side, half submerged in shit. Walking over to the sink I looked into the mirror and had a brief moment of panic as I thought that I was covered in speckles of crap while I looked into the reflective glass. Luckily, as I needed some luck, it was just all over the mirror.

After washing my shoe in the other sink I left to round up all cleaning supplies I could find. This being a grocery store, I found many and over the course of the next 3 hours I cleaned the bathroom, by myself, with my dignity barely holding on to me as it struggled to stay alive.

I left that day without saying a word and never returned.

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>be 15
>eat subway
>skating with friends
>suddenly footlong inside me is upset
>try to overcome this feeling
>go away from friends and breathe
>ok fuck this gotta go home
>10 blocks away
>skating up a hill when suddenly
>dominos chocolate lava.webm
>when i get home i clean myself up and accept that i diarrhea'd myself
Mfw

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>>553512057
>tfw professional with normal American family
>still on /b/

I yell at my kids if i see them on 4chan.

>>553521093
I've done this too.
Well, several time.
Once I threw the dirty underwear in the forest.
The other time I threw it in a garbage bin.
Another time I kept in my bag (inside a plastic bag).

dont like to wipe my ass when i take a shit. it feels weird. so i just say "fuck it" and pull my pants up. but sometimes, the shit actually broke off before it came all the way out, and it got stuck between my cheeks.

soon this shit starts drying into little nuggets and get stuck in my ass. so what i do at night is pick the little nuggets of shit out with my fingertips and drop them on the floor. but sometimes the shit dries and sticks to my ass hairs. so i have to pull the hair right out of my ass with the shit on it.

after months of picking hairs with shit on them out of my ass, i started to become accustomed to it, and everyday id get a little boner from it, each one a little harder than the last.

soon i couldnt take it anymore. i would ake the nuggets of shit and put them in my hand and beat off. it felt so good... the best orgasm id ever had.

so i started to take the little nuggets and put them gently up the hole of my dick... it hurt... but it felt so good. then i would jerk off and watch the little nuggets of dried shit attatched to my ass hairs ooze out of my dick in a creamy mix of semen and sometimes blood

i urge every one of you to try this... itll be the best orgasm youve ever had.

>>553522608
Wish my girlfriend would do that for me to bad she just upped and left one time i was dying on the toilet whole different story from my previous one

This happened when I was a freshman in High school, and is completely true.
>in school, just a normal day
>make it through my first 2 classes (each 90 minutes long) just fine
>suddenly around lunch time feel a grumbling in my stomach
>This is no ordinary shit, this motherfucker is the shit of shits
>Make it through lunch and 3rd period dealing with pain
>4th period comes around
>I can hardly hold it in anymore
>fuck using the school bathroom, that shit's embarrassing
>Decide to hold out for the rest of the day
>finally the final bell rings
>exit the doors and start walking home
>shit is half way out my asshole by this point
>there's no way I'm walking a half mile like this
>drop pants and take a shit on the other side of the baseball field
>look down and see the granddaddy of all shits. I'm telling you, this motherfucker was at least 15 inches long.
>nobody saw me
>wipe ass with boxers
>run my home
>wonder to this day if anyone stumbled across it.

>>553510275
The pain killers he would most deffinently have been taking after an accident like that. Opiates will constipate you like crazy.

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I was doing a field training exercise (battle drills) in the Army one time.

be in squad column fire team wedge doing movement to contact drill.

See someone ducked behind a tree

whole squad lights him up thinking its op force (blanks shot from m16a2 with BFA)

Turns out it was a random soldier taking a shit cause he couldn't find a porto john.

hfw

>>553515904
wow are you actually being serious?

>>553523420
full of normal people

>>553523732
hows the first week going

>>553507446
Never happened. You're hardly 18. This is what's called a false byssedi.

>>553522947
>I left that day without saying a word and never returned.
WTF...Why not quit your fucking job BEFORE you clean up the waist deep shit pile. Full retard unless you enjoyed it. Did you get a hard on?

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>>553509812
Fucking shit man. Lost it.

>>553521539
>It's like i was paning for gold man.
Hahah. That explanation.

>>553522947
>>553520534
My sides.

>>553523420
wat

> be me, xbox GT was "Swaglord420xx"
> Never smoked weed before in my life
> First day back to school
> Make friends with one of the popular kids
> Asks me if I have an xbox
> Say "yes I do anon"
> He proceeds to ask me for my gamertag and I say "u-umm its S-swaglord420xx"
> He laughs in my face and tells me he will add me when he gets home

> Couple months pass and I found out cool kid and a bunch of friends enjoy the same games I do "COD, Battlefield, NBA"
> We all have fun playing together but they start referring to me as "Swaglord420xx"

>One day in class teacher says "Hey Anon come here..."
> Cool kid interrupts
> "It's not anon teach, its Swaglord420xx"
> Class laughs at me
> embarrassedasfuark.jpg


> Cool kid asks me to come chill and we'll game with the buds at his house
> Cool kids parents aren't home
> Cool kid and the funky bunch assumed because my name was "Swaglord420xx" that I smoke weed
> They offer me a bong rip
> first time smoking, trying to not make it to obvious
> Take the entire bowl in one hit because I didn't know otherwise
> Nearly cough my lungs up, proceed to become extremely baked
> We're playing NBA and they are all congratsing me on cashing the entire bowl, pretty amazed
> tfw I look like a pro for the first time
> They give me another bowl
> Cash it all again
> Cool kid is pissed because im taking all his weed but friends are amazed
> They decide i've had enough and I agree, proceed to game barely able to control myself phsyically
> Cool kid says "Hey Swaglord420x-"
> Before he could ask me what he wanted I burst out laughing while simultaneously shitting my pants infront of the entire group
> This was literally a fire hydrant pressure explosion of the brownie mixture.
> Still can't stop laughing
> Gasping for air because im laughing like a hyena while sitting in my own anal fungus while saying "HAHAHA SWAGLORD420XX" between breaths
> Now known as "Shitlord420xx" across school and no longer talk to the Cool kid
> mysenioryear.jpg

>Be about 6yo
>Be on school trip to a amusement park, more in the style of huge playground.
>When leaving teacher asks if I have to shit
>"No"
>Wrong answer
>As soon as I stepped inside the bus I felt a whirlpool of shit inside of me
>I desperately try to ask if I can go to the toilet (there was no toilet inside of the bus)
>"Anon-kun, you're too late, we're leaving"
>After 15 minutes I started to cry out of despair
>Couldn't hold it, never shat so hard in my pants
>They opened the escape doors in the roof to get my stench out
>200 kids suffering from my shit

When I arrived back at school, I still had to walk 0.5KM to my house, longest walk ever.

>>553524207
> be you
> be lame
> be a good faggot and kill yourself.
> profit??

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I used to be really constipated as a kid, poor diet and constantly anxious/stressed due to parents fighting (eventually divorce). I literally didn't shit for like 2 months.
>be 12, month already passed
>Sunday dinner every week at home town buffet
>20 mins into dinner stomach cramps
>run into bathroom, straining and pushing, sweaty, shaking
>in the bathroom for at least an hour, only ever produced farts
>mfw other bathroom goers heard me crying and told my mom I was in there for an hour
>family furious, yelling on the way home about my shit problem
>start feeding me ex lax like crazy, apple juice, suppositories in my anus
>not working, another few weeks passes
>one day sitting on the toilet, door open, just me and mom, she's doing laundry
>she's on the phone with older bro and his friend (who I had a major crush on)
>I'm struggling to push when mom sticks her head in and tells me friend will be staying over tonight
>so fucking excited I somehow managed to expel this massive fucking arm of a shit from my ass
>so fucking huge sticking out of the water nearly touching the rim of the toilet seat
>at least 3 inches wide
>feel 10 lbs lighter, no more stomach pain and actually feeling hungry (stopped eating because I couldn't shit)
>clean up, hang out later w bro and friend
>take big (but not as monster sized) shits the next 2-3 days
Man, fuck those couple months though.
Related note, I went to my bfs house today and flipped the lid up to pee, he left shit in the toilet, kekd and walked out

>>553521743
I just shit down the drain when that happens

>>553514630
>why the fuck are you throwing the newspaper with the poop along?
What the fuck are you trying to say?

>>553524857
tits or gtfo

>>553525459

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch. I’ll have you know my name is John, and I woke up this morning 5:30 sharp to the smell of wet pussy. I was getting a blowjob from two bitches (Shit was SO Cash), one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 3\8 inch dick. She started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. I gave it to them and they were on the floor squirting like motherfucking fountains. Must have come about a quart of sperm and compressed air. Imagine your best orgasm, then multiply it by 35. I had to go to base camp so I front-flipped from my 14th floor barracks into my valet parked 2012 Ferrari (I got connexions). Pushed my shit to about 4 hundo (mph, mind you) and I was at base camp in no time. When I entered, I became a top sniper and was granted access to the entire arsenal of the USMC. I learned how to kill someone in over 700 different ways and was assigned to be the leader of a squad that will kill 300 terrorists using gorilla warfare tactics. Also did 6000 push-ups, 8000 sit-ups and bench-pressed 30 plates in 16 minutes. After basic training, I met a network of secret spies who will help me trace your IP address, while eating gold plated sushi and 15,000 $ champagne. My unit got the rest of the day off and I became captain of our base’s football team and starter of the basketball team. I got straight A’s on the military entrance exams and received more awards. Meanwhile, you were jacking off to pictures on Facebook and naked drawn Japanese people. Went back in the Lambo to my barracks and now I am getting ready to go to sleep. I am going to graduate at the top of my class in the Navy Seals tomorrow and I want to look pretty much perfect for it. Don’t be a stranger and remember, I did more in one day than you will your entire life.

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very long and oldfags will know it probably... but for all who dont know that story.. DEFINITELY WORTH READING

>>553525459
>implying I'm attention whoring and not just sharing a story
Fucking faggot.

>>553510598
lost so hard mi sides

>>553522371
greentext or not reading

>>553525559

Wow, Hybrid Pasta, what has /b/ become?

>>553525664
>2013
>oldfag

>My friend has one of the most DISTURBING, DISGUSTING pooping habits ever.

>This kid I know weighs 450 pounds and is morbidly obese.
>I'm surprised he hasn't died from it yet.
>He's only 17.
>A few of my friends and I went over to his to keep him company since his parents were out of town.
>He wanted someone to play PS3 with him so we were happy to oblige.

>Around 20 minutes into a game of Resistance, the kid goes "i'll be right back, i gotta take a crap." and walks off. I noticed he grabbed a large bucket, which I found strange.
>What happened next disgusted me beyond all reason.

>From the bathroom, I heard a large roar, like a beast of some sort.
>I asked one of my friends who knows the fat kid a lot better than I do what was going on.
>His response still haunts me to this day:

>"He takes a bucket to the bathroom with him because the smell always makes him puke.
>All the crusty shit and ass sweat caught in the folds of his fat have been decaying for months because he can't clean himself.

>As soon as he drops his pants, the shit/sweat stench fills the bathroom and he begins throwing up."

>>553526356

thats like one of the 5000th reposts.. i captured

>>553521847
Sweet jesus, that's funny

>>553526358
that's pretty bad

Be about 10 years old.
In garden and need to shit.
Tell parents that I'll shit in back garden but I'm thinking that I probably won't.
Next thing I remember, I'm taking a dump in the garden.
I shit a sausage sized log.
Mfw my dad has to clean up that dry shit with a tissue

Shitting all over the place increases GDP. It's the health of a nation.

>just left class
>sudden need to shit
>college bathrooms are gross and I need to shit bad
>run to residence
>ass feels like its going to explode as I enter building
>sweating like a pig as I fight to get my room key in the lock
>dash into bathroom
>loud fart just before I sit
>fear I shat all over the toilet tank
>15 minutes of heavenly shitting
>porcelain ringing like a stinky bell
>done!
>stand and wipe...
>toilet paper is shit free?
>toilet tank is clean, thank God
>no poop in the water
>WTF.jpg
>I just had a fifteen minute, toilet punishing, anus numbing FART?

>>553523936
I was telling myself not to quit the whole time since I wanted the money. I just decided otherwise at the end of the day. I didn't really mind cleaning up the shit. Thick skin.

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How are you people not posting the trials of harribo? Their satanic warriors slay even the mightiest heroes

>>553509812

That's pretty hot. I'd buy it.

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>>553522519
>Shittiest day of my life

>>553522947
>see that in the bathroom
>call the police for vandalism, refuse to touch it, quit if need be
>seal the door to the womans bathroom

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>be me, 7 years old
>sunday morning
>up early
>for some reason I never wore clothes in the morning as a kid
>sitting in Lay-Z-Boy, naked, playing Paper Mario
>feel a fart coming on
>nope.avi
>shit on chair
>as I realize what's happening I get up and run to the toilet
>shit for a good 15 minutes
>stand up, leave bathroom
>notice a trail of shit from chair to bathroom
>OH SHIT
>run upstairs, get back in bed
>hear mother go downstairs
>"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, *insert little sister's name here*!"
>mfw my parents think it was my sister
>mfw my mom is cleaning my shit out of the carpet all morning

>>553526018
Then don't read it you illiterate shit.

Someone needs to post the copypasta of "buttsneeze" in class.

>Be me
>Maybe 7-8 month old infant
>Apparently never piss, vomit, or shit on father. Only mother.
>Mother insists on recording something and halfway through recording my diaper needed changing
>Father does it
>Second the diaper opens he turns because mother told him something and he didnt hear
>liquid shit flies out like a fucking fire hose
>Covers mother, camera, and wall behind her
>Father takes pictures of the stained wall with a perfect outline of mother
>Father still has a tape to this day

>Last year
>My housemates all get sick one right after the other
>I'm still healthy 2 weeks later
>kek
>start feeling a kind of twinge in my stomach
>less than an hour later intense rumblings
>barely make it to bathroom
>don't know which end it's coming out of
>manage to kneel in front of toilet and slide a towel under my ass
>projectile vomit and explosive diarrhea at the same time
>underwear full of liquid shit
>stop vomiting long enough to get next round of diarrhea in toilet
>stomach cramps from shitting make me have to vomit again
>repeat three times
>finally empty an hour later
>have to shower to get clean
>continue shitting pure liquid
>liquid becomes clear with little pinkish globs in it because there is nothing left to shit
>can't eat for three days
>wear adult diapers to bed to avoid shitting myself in my sleep

Fucking Norovirus, man

>>553511605

How do you guys do this? I was on vacation in a place where the bathroom door was a plastic foldable thing, bathroom right in middle of house with everyone able to hear and smell. Afraid to shit. Tried to hold it in, made it a day and a half before I was cramping, bloated. Shat in a walmart, I was so desperate. Still shat every day there except that first day, despite the anxiety over how to access a toilet without anyone knowing. I was getting up at 2 AM to shit in private. If I don't go every single day, I'm dying. Sometimes twice a day.

>be me
>be smart
>be A+ student
>be the 'funny guy'
>never had a gf or kisses or even a hug
>sitting in class
>girl I am totally into smiles at me
>she is godlike
>teacher calls me to the desk
>epic girl still smile at me
>feel like a boss
>suddenly stomach hurts
>teacher asks me what that sound is
>stomach fucking start to rebell
>epic fart appears
>epic girl looks disgusted
>and all of a sudden:

>storm flood out of my pants right leg appears
>it's shit
>squeezing my butt as hard together as possible
>it still keeps coming out straigt before the audience
>cool guys get insane of laughter
>epic girl screams: LOOK AT THIS FAGGOT!
>try to clean the liquid shit up
>smells like hell
>run out of class
>what do?

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>>553509213

i worked in a supercuts in ghetto area of london ont, old man asks to use bathroom daily, i say no but idiot co worker says yes. he is in there 35 mins, the flees, bathroom looks like ops pic.

>>553525664

That was amazing, I've read it before but I just had to read it again. Best shit story ever

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>at work
>welding a bunch of stuff
>fart a few times
>hot as fuck farts
>somethingscoming.jpg
>feel another fart coming
>super hot, might burn hole in boxers
>could be shit
>better not risk it, finish this weld then go poop
>suddenly shart horribly
>pinch cheeks
>forces its way through like hot slime
>feel it reach the back of my balls
>imthekoolaidmanbitch.gif
>still finish weld, still sharting
>run to bathroom
>shit everywhere, except not shit. goopy greenish brown slime
inb4 faggot cum bum
>get in stall and take off boxers, throwing them over the stall door into the toilet
>was wearing bording shorts under my coveralls
>lift back of toilet off and start washing my shorts like a peasant
>ANON GET BACK TO FUCKIN WORK
>IM FUCKING SICK YOU DOUCHE
>he was already gone
>put wet shorts back on
>everything turned out better than expected

>>553513273

>ninja fart

Oh here we go.

>>553523420
420 jerk it

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This might give you a laugh...

I used to share a flat with a guy I was at college with. He was pretty chill, always had decent music on etc. We left college (2 minute walk to the flat) and, not wanting to shit in the awful college toilets, I headed straight back to the flat despite the fact I needed a shit pretty badly. By the time I got in the door I was ready to assplode.

Tom was in the toilet. I banged on the door and said it was urgent but he wouldn't get out fast enough and it became clear that I was going to shit my trousers.

I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a mixing jug, squatted over it and unleashed the foulest miasma of red and brown curry shit you have ever seen. For volume, pungency and eye watering colour I have never seen its equal. The smell hit me and I knew that the kitchen would never be the same again. I had just stood up and fastened my trousers when Tom walked in. He stopped, looked at the bowl of shit, looked at me and just said

"What the fuck, Anon?"

I cleaned the bowl into the toilet, washed it a few times

MFW I put it back in the kitchen and we continued to use it.

>Uni student
>Skipped breakfast, drank energy drinks
>Bad idea.jpg
>Stomach felt awful, went to closest building
>ground floor toilets full
>took lift to a random floor to minimize chance of seeing anyone
>Go into toilets, see all empty
>Only toilets were those ergonomic ones (no seats, so its squatting time
>Runny as fuck, with the occasional block
>All done, wipe up
>Pants on, turns around to push the flush button
>Notice that one of the chunks completely missed
>Hosed the shit down, hoping it'd break
>Nope.jpg
>Left the building, knowing that there's this huge shit just chilling near the rim of the bowl of the men's toilet on the 3rd floor

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>>553507446

>Be me
>drunkasfuck.jpg
>Get raped by nigger
>9 months later
>Sitting on shitter
>Pussy hurts like fuck
>Shit out of vag
>ohshititsmoving
>Won't go down when I flush
>Finally get it down with plunger
>Friend comes over the next day
>Asks if I was on my period
>I ask why
>Mfw the shitter was full of blood

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>>553507446
>be in grade 7
>have to take a shit urgently
>really have to take a shit
>no TP in toilet
>grab a few books from my bag and rip some pages off
>my anus opens wide to let go of the biggest shit I have ever shat
>it is finally over, the shit is longer than my face and really wide
>spend 10 minutes wiping my asshole
>go back to class and tell everyone someone took the biggest shit ever
>it was standing upright because I missed the hole
>mfw no one thought it was me and everyone had a good laugh

Got a few. Here's the first.

>be me
>be 3
>taking bath with my younger brother, less than 1
>he screws his face up, I laugh
>turd floats from behind his back and he laughs
>biggest turd I've ever seen come out of somebody that small
>mfw

>>553525664
That's an amazing story.

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>Be 10
>Going to school friend's birthday party
>It's a costume party
>Wear giant foam pumpkin costume
>Eating food and candy, having a good time
>Suddenly, hark thine loins, for the dovahkiin comes
>Run to bathroom
>Slam the door behind me
>Realize that I can't take the pumpkin suit off, still trying desperately to defuse this shit bomb
>Ten pounds of ass-piss unloaded into pumpkin suit
>Finally managed to get pumpkin suit off
>Throw shit-splattered pumpkin suit into bath-tub
>Rinse shitty Toy Story underwear out in sink
>"I'm sorry Buzz!"
>Put underwear back on
>Open window
>Climb out and leave

Two days later...

>Going to school
>Waiting at the bus stop
>"Hey Anon, I heard you shit yourself at Chris's party"
>mfw ruined birthday party with shitty pumpkin costume
>Never was invited over again

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>>553510598
>Give birth to a coconut
>my sides

>try anal
>he barebacks, cums in my ass
>okay, clean self with toilet tissue
>we're hanging out
>I'm laughing about an hour later at some joke
>laugh so hard I fart
>not a fart
>shitty cum in panties
>go to bathroom
>sit on toilet, strain to push out rest of cum
>wet farting noises, little plops
>cum acted like enema
>mini breakfast sausages cum out
>sputters to an end
>wipe for five minutes
>wipe panties as best I can
>exit
>he was outside waiting for me, asks if I am okay
>deer in headlights

>>553513536
>>i know the toilet is already blocked so i throw the shit out the window

I can't stop laughing anon.

>>553514964

Kids are nasty.

>>553520067

This happened to me before.

>middle of night, 8 or 10 years old
>had to vomit, run to bathroom
>puking in toilet
>suddenly, shit imminent
>turn around, shit over toilet
>shit misses, wet mess of shit all over seat and floor
>vomiting at same time, vomit goes on floor and somehow the wall
>think shit is done, switch around again
>vomit in shit covered toilet
>got vomit in my shit on the seat and floor and walls
>not done shitting, spray shit all over sink/cabinet in front of toilet
>ten minutes of this
>somehow more shit and vomit outside of toilet than inside it, 2/10 aim
>clean up self and leave to go to bed, utterly exhausted
>make dad clean it when he finds it in the morning

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>be 5, in Kindergarten
>Riding on the bus home
>Bus is packed full of people
>Our school was in a rural area outside of the city, so everybody's houses were spread out by miles.
>Halfway through the bus route, I feel a grumbly in my tumbly
>thatschoolfoodiscomingbackoutbitchnigga.tiff
>"Bus driver, I have to poop"
>Looks at me
>"No"
>"Please, I really have to go"
>Finally, after 5 minutes of persuading him, he pulls over to the side of the dirt road
>Get out, drop my coat and backpack on the ground
>Pull down my pants to expose my 5-year-old toosh to everyone on the bus
>Wasabi-like shit begins to come out of my anus like soft serve ice cream
>It looked like it had been grated and crafted for centuries by only the finest chefs in Japan.
>thefunkoffourtythousandyears.jpg
>Once I'm done shitting, I turn around
>Realize I had just shit green poopy all over my coat and backpack because I was a dumbshit and forgot to move them.
>"Bus driver, I accidentally pooped on my stuff"
>his fucking face when
>Starts handing me tissues to clean up the dookie off my stuff
>His son (my best friend) saw me cleaning it up
>"What's that green stuff?"
>"Shut up!" his dad yelled
>Cleaned up, got back on the bus, and went home
>0 fucks were given that day.

>be 13
>think i can skate
>try to do ollie down two stair steps
>lands one foot on sk8board one foot on ground
>beautiful split like gymnast
>*krak*
>ohshitcantfeelmyleg.exe
>supersonic warcry
>friends laughing me laying there like 1 extra chromosome
>sk8rfags realise im in pain calls amberlamps
>@hospital doctor "looks like leg broken anon"
>"ok"
>surgery goes terrible have to do 2 more surgeries
>lay in hospital bed 2 weeks, no shitting
>"u have to shit now anon, drink this."
>tastes like snot do not want
>"ok u will have 2 shit without then"
>"ok"
DO YOU REALISE HOW HARD IT IS TO SHIT WHILE STANDING UP?
>2 hours l8r only a little shit has come out. "u ok anon?"
>"yes" get out of the shitter go straight to bed take morphine
>wake up
>shit all over bed, press button 2 call nurse
>nurse cleaning my shit while i play ps2.

>Be about 7
>Need a shit real bad in school
>First time shit in school toilets
>Go, wipe, wash etc
>Get back to class
>Carry on with work
'Anon, what's that up your arm'?
>Shit all up my arm
>To this day don't even know how I managed that
>Never took a shit at school for the next 10 years.

>>553510598
Oh god, my sides.

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>>553530574
>It looked like it had been grated and crafted for centuries by only the finest chefs in Japan.
>"Bus driver, I accidentally pooped on my stuff"

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>wake up late, have no fucking time, go catch the bus immediately
>shit building up in my colon
>oh well can't be that bad
>get on bus
>sit in the back
>clench butt
>strong sphincter because I'm gassy so I ought to keep it in all the time
>I wish I was in my swamp taking a fat ogre shit
>get into town, the need for shit subsides
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.tiff
>start walking
>brutal intestinal pain
>oh fuck here we go
>keep stopping along the way, try not to look suspicious
>5 minute walk takes half an hour because I keep standing in places and sucking the shit back in with my entire body
>get to uni
>open the fucking door
>my fucking ripped anal muscles start getting devastated by the stream of shit forcing itself out of my fucking body
>OH ZEUS WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS
>sit down on a fucking bench, feel shit sliding out of my anus
>sit there for half an hour furiously trying to minimize the amount of shit coming out of me into my underwear, sweating profusely
>feel the press lightening an almost unnoticeable bit
>get up
>sprint to toilet stalls and almost spray the floor with my ass-honey
>unleash the Palestinian canonnade, my head turns 360 degrees, summon satan with my posessed shit artilerry battery, all ass sweat spontaneously combusts and evaporates
>cry
>there was no trace of shit in my underwear
>get up and go around my business

>>553524380

Dude, no shit?

>kid on bus, dunno when or where
>someone shat themselves
>bus in uproar
>hysteria, finally the bus driver calls the older kids to open the skylight and everyone to open the windows
>like a hotbox of the vilest shit, thick in the air

>>553512057
Oh calm down. The faggot you are now is the faggot you will be when you're 40, but you'll be more wrinkly.

>>553531959
100% legit.
I'm from the Netherlands. Where are you from?

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>Middle school, seventh grade
>Listening to discman on the bus
>The school Salisbury steak stews in my guts
>Farts speak to me: "It's time to take a shit, bud."
>They herald the coming of a shit the likes of which have never been seen
>Loudest ear-splitting fart reverberates through entire bus, felt like my ass had been torn asunder by the force
>"What was that?" "Was that a fart?"
>Laughter
>Nobody knows
>Massive turd begins to crawl it's way out
>It claws for birth upon this plane, yearns for sweet freedom
>A series of thunderous farts later...
>I now have a giant turd in my shorts
>Was freeballin' that day
>What the fuck am I going to do?
>Notice friend's backpack is under his seat infront of me
>Luckily, nobody had sat next to me
>Clandestinely yank giant, rock-hard turd out of pant-leg of shorts
>Quietly unzip friend's backpack
>Shove turd within
>Zip it back up
>007 music
>missionaccomplished.jpeg
>Apparently, friend's mom made a big fucking stink about it in the next PTA meeting
>Friend constantly complains about somebody shitting in his new backpack
>"That sucks, man."

>mfw

>>553528924
INB4 Faggot Cum Bum
My sides, they are in orbit around mars

>>553507446
> Be me, St. Paddy's day of this year
> At my boy's house, decided I'd get lit because I had nothing better to do.
> I'm in his backyard, smoking. One cigarette, then two.
> I bust out the Cognac.
> Awwwwwyeaaaah.jpeg
> Drunk as fuck, we have steak.
> I waltz into his bathroom for a monster shit.
> Shitting my brains out as I sway back and forth, trying not to pass out.
> Vomit. All over his floor.
> Panic. (Even at the disco.)
> Turn around and vomit into the toilet as I shit.
> Stumble out of his bathroom.
> "Anon, I uhh.. I threw up."
> mfw I clogged the toilet.
> mfw he made me clean it up

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>>553516387

>have Irritable Bowel Syndrome
>go on night out
>eat massive curry before
>feeling shit all night
>nervous cause exams in a few days
>feeling rough and nervous, so walk home
>sudden IBS on way back - painful urge to shit
>hobble as fast as I can
>long long walk
>cant hold it in any more
>dizzy from desperation and need to shit
>start looking for grass patch
>find one outside someones house
>drop pants - start spraying
>massive pile, looks like an Elephant stopped by
>look around, no one saw
>walk back with spiciest asshole of the century

At least I didnt shit myself like you murriplebs

>>553524207
pasta

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You guys reminded me of my most curséd day

>Family decides to go to a famous rib place in fucking Compton (Red flag) called Bludso's
>Bring home delicious meal of ribs and other barbecue food
>We eat
>Some time later, I feel my stomach rumbling with some slight bad gas
>Go and take a disgusting tiny pile of diarrhea shit
>Well, that wasn't so bad
>Little did I know that this was only a forewarning to what would come
>Wake up the next day with more gas and more diarrhea shit, and nausea
>This continues throughout the day until night time, where I actually barf
>I had gotten fucking food poisoning from those god damned darkies in Compton
>Next day the routine was just hurrying to the bathroom periodically to shit or almost barf
>Next morning comes
>The day of Retribution had come
>Wake up earlier than usual, right as I wake up from sleep I realize that I have to diarrhea really fucking bad
>Get up from bed, start rushing to the bathroom
>Oh wait, I have to fucking puke as well
>Rush to the bathroom, slam the door, and stand there in shock for a couple seconds, torn between going in the shower to barf, or going to the toilet to diarrhea
>I decide to run to diarrhea first, this doesn't turn out well
>Right as I sit on the toilet literal shit water explodes out of my ass and barf shoots out of my mouth
>AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME
>I felt exactly like General Zod in Man of Steel when he can't control his heat vision, pic related
>I am yelling as I barf and shit everywhere all over the floor
>I rush to the shower where I let all the final explosions take place
>My mom comes to the door and asks what's wrong
>I yell for her not to come in
>I just start crying in defeat as I fall to my knees, surrounded by a shit barf soup

I just took a shower and tried to wash what was there inside there, but the rest of the bathroom was what my mom had to clean.

What a fucking day that was.

>>553532247

Murrka. This was k-8, so kids from age 6 up to 13 or so. I know because the older, taller kids had to open the skylight.

Listening to Scatman john while reading this. Realised. Sides have reached stage 3 Orbit

>be 13
>be going with my parents to visit my grandmother
>wanting to shit for half an hour
>can't hold it
>as soon as we arrive on the parking
>sprint to the apartment building where she lives
>i just knew i would not make it in time to the second floor
>take a shit right there next to the pathway between two bushes
>old lady watched it all from her window
>didn't break eye contact even once

since that day I don't have any problem in public restrooms. it liberated me in a way

>>553516161
kekd

>>553533323
I was in elementary school. In the Netherlands that's basically the same: from ages 4 to 13.
As far as I could remember all kids in the bus were around my age.

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>>553507446

>Be autistic young me
>Don't like to shit
>Always try to hold as long as possible
>Some shit always comes through
>Always have shit stained underwear
>Shit my self for 20% about 3 times a week
>Be ashamed
>hide dirty boxers all over place
>be in summer camp
>roommates find out
>have intervention
>embarrasedasfuck.cpp
>continue shitting myself regularly until cca 12

I really could not comprehend some of the things I did as a child. I really just couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet so I shat myself.

>>553527230
I saw the L.A. Beast consume a whole bag of these bad boys today.

>>553507446
>at 9/10 girl's house watching tv with some friends
>feel rumbling in my stomach
>"gotta go to the bathroom"
>Walk into her private bathroom cause it was closest
>take massive shit in toilet, wipe and try to flush
>the toilet ain't havin' that shit, it gets backed up and I feel water touch my balls
>"OH FUCK"
>stand up and look at giant shit blocking up toilet
>look for plunger but there isnt one, only a toilet cleaning brush
>"fuck it I have to do something"
>Try breaking the turd apart with the brush which does absolutely nothing
>look at brush, there is now shit all over it
>"DOUBLE FUCK"
>water begins to spill out of the sides of the toilet
>"TRIPLE FUCK"
>begin to resign to my fate, I will never get to fuck this chick and will always be that guy that destroyed her toilet
>BUT IN MY DARKEST HOUR, THE TOILET GODS GAVE UNTO ME A MIRACLE
>the toilet begins to make some sounds
>IT SUCKS THE SHIT AND THE WATER DOWN
>PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY SHIT LORDS THANK YOU FOR THIS DAY
>wash hands and walk out like nothing happened

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>Be in high school
>Ate something weird during lunch
>Had to take a monster of a shit
>Run into bathroom
>Open stall
>Toilet clogged with toilet paper
>Fuck
>Go to next stall
>Also clogged with toilet paper
>Next stall
>Clogged with toilet paper
>Whattheactualfuck.jpg
>Can't hold it anymore
>Unleash the fucking furry
>8 guys rush into room
>Take turns swinging open stalls
>Join me in the shit furry
>Mass amounts of shit everywhere from 9 dude's asses
>Announcement over loud speaker
>"I demand the Poop Bandit reveals himself!"
>Fucking Poop Bandit.
>Mfw