>be me >be 15 >fattest kid in high school >tortured constantly by assholes >i know i can lose weight, i just don't try >worst bully of all is a lanky, skinny piece of shit >let's just call him dipshit >last day of school, thank god >sit in the park to find peace >there's an old man a few benches down, reading a newspaper >i have a moment of absolute piece "Hey, Anon" >areyoufuckingkiddingme.jpg >the unmistakable rasp of this douchebag's voice. >think of Syndrome's voice, from the Incredibles "Wanna ride my skateboard? Wait, no, you're so fat that you might break it." >a terrible and badly worded insult, but it still fucking hurts >i don't respond "What the fuck is this? Are you trying to ignore me? It won't work. I know that you can see and hear me, lard-ass." >uh-oh, doucheometor has hit the red section "And as long as I know those two things I will never leave, fatty." >he rambles for what seems like hours, some of his friends come along the same route and join in >whowouldwanttobefriendswiththisguy.jpg "Hey!" >i hear a new voice. >it's the old man a few benches down. >dipshit looks over "What do you want, gramps? >the old man takes out a cigar and lights it, saying: "I would not make fun of people's weight if I were you." "Why not?" "Because when your entire arm is skinnier than most men's dicks, you should realize you have a weight problem, too." >mfw i hear this glorious insult. >there's more, continue?
>>552226064 >all right, so dipshit and his friends just freeze >instead of responding they just leave, extremely embarrassed that their leader was told by an old man. >i look at the old man >he's literally staring off into the direction the pack of assholes are leaving >just before they round the corner, he yells: "I see you're turning in the direction of the gay bar!" >there was indeed, a gay bar in the direction they were turning >ilostmyshit.jpg >they stopped for one second >the best comeback they had was yelling: "FUCK YOU!" >they shouldn't have said that >the old man countered it perfectly "Fuck ME? No, sorry, I don't want to join your little orgy later. And what are you doing interested in someone my age, anyway?" >here i am, sitting on this bench, losing my shit because of this old man's insults >he then makes sure they leave, and then sits down next to me >we begin to chat
>>552229770 >the entire street block is staring at us >we don't give a shit >Thanks man. Oh, no trouble kid, he got what he deserved. >What's your name? Franklin, but you can call me Frank. Yours? >Anon. Pleased to meet you, Anon. >You as well, Frank. >Frank pauses for a moment >he then turns to me and asks: Have you ever done anything to deserve the bullshit he just gave you? >No. I'm just overweight, so he targets me. A skinny little bitch insulting someone who could kill them merely by sitting on them? You have to show him that you mean business. >i have heard every single word he said, and i play the scene out in my head, me trying to fight him >i lose and get humiliated in front of the entire school >No, no, I'd... I'd rather not, I'll just ignore him until he quits. BULLSHIT! >Frank stabs his cane down
>>552231245 How do get rid of cancer? >You fight it? Exactly! It never goes away, but if you beat it enough, its presence won’t bother you. >What does cancer have to so with any of this? That skinny little shit? He is cancer. He sees someone who won’t fight back, he sees someone he can consume. And yet, here you sit, acting like he’s a minor headache. >”minor headache” You have two choices. Let him fuck with your life, or beat the shit out of him. I see him come through this park every day. You can wait on this bench to fuck him up. >no, this guy is fucking insane >I’m sorry Frank, but I think it would just be best to avoid confrontation. >he looks me in the eye You’ll see, Anon. >i go home, meet my dad >really good guy, and practically all i have left >my mother didn’t… exactly want me >she just up and left around a month after my birth >i’ve never even met her >at least my dad gave a shit about his responsibilities Hey, Anon, you happy school is out? >hellyesiam.jpg >dad’s watching a baseball game >i sit down in a chair beside him and watch it with him You know, Anon, we could spend the entire damn summer watching these games. >But we’d get even fatter. Then we could take the place of orca whales in Sea World. >fuckinglovemyoldman.jpg >game is over, i go to bed
>>552233378 >i wake up, first day of summer, hell yes. >go downstairs to kitchen >dad’s at the fridge >he takes out an almost empty jug of milk “Well, shit.” >he looks at me “Hey Anon, could you go to the store next to the park and get some milk? I’ve gotta get to work and I don’t have time for shopping on the way.” >idon’treallymind.jpg >he gives me enough to buy two jugs, and i set out >buy the jugs, exit the store with two bags, one for each jug >see Frank sitting across on his usual bench >whythehellnot.jpg >i walk up and say hi Hello, Anon, how are you doing today? >Fine. What’s in the bags? >Milk, dad asked me to get some. Responsible. You’re a good kid. >i was just about to get into a nice conversation with Frank when… you guessed it >dipshit and friends
>>552234604 >that fucking faggot “What’s up, Lard Boy? Hanging out with the man with one foot in the grave?” >his friends acted like it was the best insult ever >easilyimpressedidiots.jpg >fred pipes up “Why yes, we are hanging out, and so are you queers, your dicks hanging out.” >OH MY GOD, FRANK, THAT WAS AWESOME. “They hang out because their longer old man.” “The only thing long about you is your anal passage, so you can fit whatever size dick you want in there.”
>>552235945 >dipshit swings at Frank >FRANK FUCKING STOPS HI S FIST, I SWEAR TO GOD, HE HOLDS THIS SKINNY FUCKERS HAND AND WONT LET GO >he looks at me and says one word “Milk” >he then looks at the milk jug and nods >he wants me to hit this fucker with the milk >don’t think about it, just pick it up and slam it over the fucker’s head >MILK FUCKING EVERYWHERE >we have a few patches where a lot of drops hit us, but dipshit is soaked >istillcantbelivethisshitactuallyhappened.jpg >dipshit is white as a ghost now “WHAT THE FUCK?” >Frank looks up at him and his friends >he gives them the coldest stare i have ever seen and says: “Got milk?” >heactuallyfuckingsaidthat.jpg “Get out of here, go fuck each other or something.” >They run, the actually fucking RUN
>>552237470 >i sit back with the old man, out of breath, my heart beating like crazy >he reaches for his beard and gets a little bit of milk that found it’s way there >he puts his finger in his mouth and tastes it >smacking his lips, he says: Hmmm… tastes like soaked faggot. >we fucking lose it >Frank gives me money to buy another jug of milk >i go home >dipshit never bothers me again >frank and I are best friends >dad never knows about what happened … >it ain’t over yet, guys, there is still so much more to this story >and a whole lotta more Franklin >y’all ready for this shit?
>>552239242 Look who it is again, ID Heaven. I'm fed up with your shit faggot. The other day when you called me a newfag, yeah, haven't forgotten about that yet. Fuck you I've been on here for months and probably get on here more than you anyways. Don't you know that you make yourself look like a newfag when you call others newfag? Just because you learned how to hack your name and change it to "Heaven" does not give you the right to disrespect anyone at any time.
So /b/... this is how we fight it.. >What does cancer have to so with any of this? That skinny little shit? He is cancer. He sees someone who won’t fight back, he sees someone he can consume. And yet, here you sit, acting like he’s a minor headache.
I don't even know where the fuck to begin... Why do people like you find child porn to joke about? You think because you get to sit in your warm home on a computer that you can just joke about horrible things like this? What the actual fuck is wrong with you guys? This is very fucked up, yet crazy assfucks like you are posting child things like it's nothing. Sick fucks, doing this shit does fucking nothing. So you want to come on an imageboard to be an asshole about things like this? Let me tell you guys, you are all fucking weak. You would never be useful to the world with such behavior you present. Honestly why do people like you guys even exist? I bet you don't even know about half of what people have gone through from then till now when they have someone they've known is molested. You are all such disgusting bullies. Isn't it bad enough that people go through hardships of their loved ones? Seriously what do you guys really find funny about this? Stupid fuckers I'm so angry right now that I wish I can fucking punch my computer screen so that my fist can get a good hit on that asshole face of yours. Sick fucks. Seriously, just fucking grow up and actually act properly about child porn. Stupid fuck, keep eating those cheetoes that you stain on your shirts every day.
>>552238735 >so i give frank my address and tell him to come over some time >i come home and tell dad i made a friend who’ll be coming over in the next few days >dad is… surprisingly cool with this >3 days later, Frank is there >we sit down to eat (dad is a surprisingly good cook, he made some lasagna that night >Frank says to dad: Did you know your son was being bullied? >dad freezes No, I didn’t, Anon, why didn’t you tell me? >Frank interrupts No need to worry now. We took care of it. How? Let’s leave out the details. >like i said, he never knew >Frank pipes up But, I’d like to avoid it again, and because of this, I would like to attack the reason your son was treated badly. His weight. >i freeze I’m not going to force you into this, and I’m not going to help you without your father’s approval, but I can really help you get in shape. >my dad pauses, and nods his head >Frank turns to me “Now, listen, Anon, I am not going to make you do this, it’s your choice. But once we start, there is no turning back.” >i’m just ready for this nightmare to end >i nod my head “Alright, we start tomorrow, meet me in the park at 11:00 A.M.”
>>552240713 What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the topsniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
>>552240867 What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now.
>>552240817 >So, we began >Frank first had me run as many laps around the park as i could, he said this would build up my stamina and make all the important workouts easier >on the first day i didn’t even make it half way >i nearly cried, I felt so pathetic >Frank comes up to me and says the nicest shit: “You are doing incredibly well, very few people actually run as long as they can, but I can tell by how exhausted you are that you are actually trying, rest on the bench, and then when you’re rested you can try this again, alright?” >so, I do this around six times in one day >i didn’t notice, but Frank told me I got farther every time >by the end of the day I had actually ran the full lap
>>552241970 Never start a fight with a fay guy. They're used to moving all that tonnage around every day. Picking you up with one hand would be no problem for most of them. They may not be fast, but once you get one pissed off enough..
>>552244121 What the swag did you just fucking yolo about me, you little wayne? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SwagFags, and I’ve been involved in numerous Obey Records , and I have over 300 confirmed Swaggers. I am trained in wearing snapbacks and I’m the top poser in the entire Swagfag Army. You are nothing to me but just another No swag. I will swag you the fuck out with swagger the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking hashtags. You think you can get away with not taking pictures in the mirror over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my mom, she has alot of swag, and your ratchet ass is being traced right now so you better prepare for the yolo, nigga. The yolo that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your swag. You’re fucking dead, nigga. I can swag anywhere, anytime, and I can swag in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my baggy skinny jeans. Not only am I extensively trained in having plugs and snake bites, but I have access to the entire Hollister store. and I will use it to its full swaggness to wipe your miserable swag off the face of tumblr, you little Non trend follower. I will swag yolo all over you and you will swag in it. You’re fucking dead, nigga.
>>552242293 >so, for four weeks I run, near the end i could run TEN FUCKING LAPS, I WAS SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF, I COULD ACTUALLY DO THIS >i lose a fucking INCREDIBLE 15 pounds doing this shit. >i go from 230 lbs to 215 >we then start to do exercises, several different types in one day, so we can work on multiple parts of my body at once >we lift weights, do pushups (sucked at those), pull ups (those, too), all kinds of shit. >in one week I lose 5 pounds >210 pounds >over the next two months, i lost 30 pounds >i was then 180 pounds, the perfect weight for my height >kids at school notice me getting better >for the next 3 school years I live like a normal student >it’s all because of Frank, too. >there’s more, guys, a lot more
>>552244509 SOOOO STONED NIGGA HELLA MOTHA FUCKING 666 ODD FUTURE MAN BRO CHECK THIS OUT MY SWAG WITH THE WHAT WHOLE 666 420 HOLLA HOLLA GET DOLLA SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY CASH FUCKING MARIJUANA SIGARETTES GANGSTA GANGSTA EAZY - E C.R.E.A.M SO BAKED OFF OH THE BOB MARLEY GANJA SHIT PURE OG KUUSSHH LEGALIZE CRYSTAL FUCKING WEED
>>552241970 Yes but being lean makes you so quick and limb. Force = Mass * Acceleration So even though you don't have much mass, your speed more than makes up for it. Plus, your fists aren't soft and chubby like some fat fucks are. They're boney, and feel like rocks. They hurt really badly when you get punched in the face by them.
I'm like a fucking missile. You think I'm just a weak little faggot then BAM! Broken nose. But where am I now? BAM! Fuck if you know, but someone tripped you!
BAM BAM BAM!
Your coughing up blood! Someone is piercing the shit out of your stomach with their shoe!
But who was it? WHO WAS IT?!
It was me. The fast as a cheetah, lean as a cocoanut tree, free moving as a black man entering Canada in the mid 1800s, lean, mean, sexual fighting machine.
And the reason you can't find me is because my stride is so long and my legs are so fast that I'm already half a mile away from you.
>>552244529 >Frank is there for my high school graduation Kid, I am so fucking proud of you. I don’t think I’ve cried harder than this in my entire life. >the old man gives me a hug >he encourages my dad to get a better job >dad actually does, we get a bigger house, life is so much better now >Frank is there when I leave for college “Good luck, Anon. I’ll see you whenever you visit.” >Frank does see me whenever I visit >the old man cries when I graduate and hugs me tight “I hate crying, but good lord I could drown in a river of my own tears I’m so proud. >ilovethisguy.jpg >then, something happened to dad >something bad
>>552245224 552241970 # Yes but being jon makes you so quick and lennon. Smegma = butter * phone So even though you don't have much jon, your lennon more than makes up for it. Plus, your fists aren't soft and chubby like some smegma butter. They're boney, and feel like Jon lennon. They hurt really badly when you get Phone in the face by them
I'm like a fucking phone. You think I'm just a weak little smegma then BAM! Broken butter. But where am I now? BAM! Fuck if you know, but someone phoned you!
BAM BAM BAM!
Your coughing up smegma! Someone is piercing the shit out of your butter with their phone!
But who was phone? WHO WAS PHONE?!
It was me. The fast as a butter, lean as a Jon Lemon tree, free moving as a black smegma entering Jon in the mid 1800s, lean, mean, sexual fighting lennon.
And the reason you can't find me is because my phone is so long and my legs are so jon that I'm already half a mile away from you.
>>552241942 BWAAAAAH!! H’what in the hell did you just say about me, you got danged giblet head? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Arlen High in propane and propane accessories, and I’ve been involved in numerous Vogner Char King sales extravaganzas, and I have over 300 confirmed sales. I am trained in BTU calibration and I’m the top assistant manager in all of Heimlich County. You are nothing to me but just another valued customer. I will fill up your propane tanks with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my got danged words. You think you can get away with saying that asinine garbage about propane over the Internet? Think again, you little weasel. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of propane truck drivers across the USA and your address is being traced right now so you better prepare for the convoy, you big baby. The convoy that refills the pathetic little thing you call your propane tanks. You’re all filled up, you damn moron. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can service your propane needs in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in propane tank calibration, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Texas Propane Gas Association and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your charcoal loving ass off the face of the continent, you little bastard. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your damn tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you got danged idiot. I will kick your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for a month. You’re dead, I tell ya h’what.
I JUST SHAVED MY BUTT HOLE AND NOW IT'S BLEEDING. THERE WAS TOO MUCH HAIR IN MY BUTT AND IT FELT LIKE THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING UP THERE. I WAS SICK OF ADJUSTING IT EVER FEW MINUTES. SHAVING IT WAS FINE UNTIL THE END WHEN I NOTICED IT WAS BLEEDING IN THAT STRETCH OF SKIN WHERE MY ASS MET MY DICK. WHEN I SEEN BLOOD ON THE RAZOR I FREAKED. THEN I PUT A WASHCLOTH UP THERE THAT IS NOW SOAKED WITH BLOOD AND SHIT. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SHAVE YOUR ASS.
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