ITT we are the US Congress Any new business?

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>>542977179

>congress
>new business

we need a pay raise

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>>542977271
We respectfully ask the delegation from Iowa to stop chortling

At least not so loudly

Also who brought the donuts

LETS CRASH A PLANE INTO THE PENTAGON

>>542977337
Granted. Who has the next item on our agenda?

>>542977572
Planes are expensive. All in favor of taking the money out of VA programs?

>>542977634
already did this, you were busy getting head from a hooker.

>>542977634
Mr. Speaker, I rise to introduce a bill for debate. This bill will allow us to have sustainable energy, a higher GDP, the abolishment of the electoral college, and a physical ban on lobbyists entering both the white house, the capital building, and our respective offices in our home districts.

>>542977846
I can neither confirm nor deny whether I did or did not pay a man or a woman for oral sex.

>>542977925
Denied! Let us debate something important, like raising our salaries!!!

>>542977925
Sounds expensive. Will it help us kill brown people with cruise missiles?

>>542977925
But then I have to spend years specializing to debate on bill.

Why don't we blame the republican/democrats and big government/mega corporations

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>>542978067
Well, this session HAS already approved a pay raise...

What the hell, more pay raises. This one, we'll take out of mental health funding.

>>542978118
No, that takes away our cruise missiles and space cannons

>>542978118

No but it will allow us to never again have to spend money on war and instead deal with our own people and infrastructure

I propose a bill to introduce background checks on kitchen knives

>pro is the opposite of con
>what is the opposite of progress?

/b/

>>542977818
VA Won't cover it all, may need to dip in the SSA reserves

>>542978489
And to cover for the fund loss, keep guns and drugs illegal to scare the stupid and give us are going poibts

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>>542978498
Denied, we have to stop these terrorist killers, no matter how many brown civilians we have to kill with cruise missiles. Money doesn't grow on trees. Apologies to the delegation from Oklahoma.

>>542978367
Gentlemen, as we all know, the faults of our country are because of everyone who is not a member of Congress. Let us pursue the next item on our agenda.

>>542978758
They wont notice it. Half of them are probably already dead.

i believe we should have banana costume day every Friday

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>>542978961
Approved as hell.

>>542978927
Their kids take it all anyways so who cares.
All children under 18 should work in sweatshops to learn the meaning of real hard work

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>>542978961
I second

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Shit Niggers PUTINS DOING SOMETHING!

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>>542979442
All in favor of writing Putin a sternly-worded letter?

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>>542979442
Das true

>>542979138
No, no. We can't act first. We need to wait for him to invade the rest of eastern Europe before we put any more tough sanctions on him.

Muh freedoms, no OUR freesoms are at steak here people. Medium rare with a side of mcdouble too. Muh golly god honey boo boo is on now and I'm missing it. Class dismissed faggots. All rise.

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>>542979584
I second. That's the only way we can keep him in line

>>542978961
Also we should replace all the Jews with gay black guy's

>>542979689
If he invades Europe we declare war.

We need new places to buy our shit

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>>542979894
We have been at this for a good fifteen minutes. Running this country is hard work. All in favor of a six-month paid vacation?

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>>542979584
WE MUST, ITS THE ONLY THINg THAT CAN STOP HIM NOW!

>>542979951
Senator Heaven seconds this.

>>542979951
I second that motion

Fenstien is creepy. Let's replace her with that black guy from the that fifth element movie

I would also like to propose a bill to outlaw bicycle riding after 10 pm for the safety of our children.

>>542979689
>>542980073
Let's just kick the party off and invade Europe.

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>>542980086
Only 6 months Senator Anon? Surely you can't be srs. Muh freedoms are at steak!!!!!

>>542980086
Why not just turn on the TV while we work. Get paid to watch TV and learn our constiutancy

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>>542980223
sounds rather divers, as and anglos axon white male I must agree or have guilt pains

>>542980245
I second this. Heaven drops the hammer guys. No bikes after 10.

>>542980349
Liberate my friend, liberate

2000 pounds of freedom authorization?

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>>542980349
Agreed. It will be like national treasure with nick cage. We need to steal Europe to keep it safe from Russia.

>>542980589
See it's not bad invasion, we are freeing them!

What about a selective breeding program for hippopotomi. We can selectively breed for small, friendly hippos so women can have them in their purses.

>>542977179
HURRY UP AND SUMMARIZE WHATEVER IM SUPPOSED TO VOTE ON I HAVE MONEY TO SPEND AND VACATIONS TO TAKE

Also, many stup- er intellicaulay diffenct bitchy baby fact-wise mother's have called for the ban of parks, Nerf guns, awesome playground forts and Lego's.

Can we write a law to bannish these so called women back to the breeding room?

>>542980775
That way, Russia wont be able to re re invade europe

>>542979442
lets send all the angry niggers and homeless people and people without jobs to russia that way they would would have a sudden explosion in population and have to deal with even more crazy people that hate the government. Then they'll take over the government and create a new country of negro's and hobo's

I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll do my best to make sure the gays and the Muslims don't get their way.

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Also INTEL from NASA has determined that Saturns moon Titan has 20 billion times more oil than earth. Lets liberate Titan, boys.

>>542980985
Plus we can use that star wars thing that Regan built.

We still have the keys in the 2nd floor bathroom right?

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10/10 thread, OP.

Anyhow, getting down to business. I propose the for the United States government to buy the internet for $1,000,000,000.

>>542980954
YES! MUH NERF GUNS! MUH FREESOMS!

Intel Failure

>>542981113
Lets vote you for President shall you?
> implying voting works xDD

All in favor for ANOTHER pay bump?
>Don't like I know you want it.

>>542981115
THAT IS THE BEST IDEA ALLLLLLL DAY

LETS MAKE A NICE FAT CONTRACT FOR OUR HOME DISTRICTS TO BUILD THIS MONTHS HEAVY LIFTER CONCEPT.

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>>542981130
The words star wars and Reagan have gotten me fully erect. Who do we call to get on this?

>>542981292
Fool, congress does not vote for president, computers do

I say we abolish the right to assemble and reduce the amount of groups down to 10 a party, if you have 11 friends you are fucked. Also I say we make abortion illegal and cut off all citizen financial supports like Unemployment and food stamps.

>>542981164
Too expensive

How about a dollar? We can use that ad campiang from the RoboCop movie too to prove we are with it

>>542981465
You fool we can make him President. And you get a paycut for being so autisic

>>542981361
Go grab the keys from the bathroom and get the government jet to cheyan mountain ready.

Plus if this go bad, we can leave on the stargate

>>542981465
0100011001101111011011110110110000100001001000000101010001101000011001010010000001101010011001010111011101110000011101010111010001100101011100100010000001110111011000010111001100100000011100110111010101110000011100000110111101110011011001010110010000100000011101000110111100100000011000100110010100100000011000010010000001110011011001010110001101110010011001010111010000100001

plane?

And>>542981665
you get a pay cut for believing that fake disease is real.

>>542981793
Guys yiure forgetting ine thing.
> not bringing Heaven with you.

You dun goofd

>>542981534
I vote yes, think of the children.

>>542981793
Fucking genius. Il get agent Reynolds to get us some coffee for the flight. Maybe the europoors have been hiding some oil we could liberate.

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>>542981164
We'll also restrict anything that isn't remotely patriotic. I approve. Take the money out of SSA, VA, and historical and natural preservation funding.

>>542981115
Rockets are expensive. Take the money out of NASA.

>>542980369
Best I can do. Money doesn't grow on trees. It grows on VA and Social Security programs.

>>542981534
Approved. More money with which to run the nation and fight the terrorists.

>>542981991
Congressman heaven, you are assumed to travel with us. We cannot leave you behind

>>542977179
Nope.
Since we're congress, we can all relax now knowing that there's no new business.
Back to the pile!

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>>542981963
> denying the existance of autism
> being this autistic

Yup you'd make a perfect Senator.

>>542981991
Pack yo bags biyotch we've got some liberating to do.

OP here. We still don't have donuts gentlemen.

Can we use the jet to stop off at Dunkin Donuts and perhaps buy the store? Maybe get a Dunkin Donuts installed in the jet?

>>542982417
Why is this man not president? Bring him along too.

>>542982153
Goooood good (: I say we hit up malaysia on the way for 12 year old hookers.
>>542982071
Also what dude?? We need oils.

>>542982071
Done, I've got the billion right here.
But who do we send the money to?

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>>542982556
Canada and Norway have plenty. Declare war on both.

>>542982517
Shotgun.

>>542982517
Yeah today was cool. OP was a cool guy who wasn't afraid of an anything

>>542982556
That was already on the itinerary. Il use my campaign funds to buy some shots.

>>542982659
Ourselves

That's why being rich is so awesome

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>>542982710
>declare war on canada and norway

Brilliant. This will create tons of jobs.

>>542982885
Its almost as good as the pipeline

>>542982710
But I live in Canada. Fuck that shit Senator bro. Well invade Norway though. How do you feel butt fucking Russia?
all in favour of butt fucking Putin??
> yes here

>>542983009
jump on the liberation plane homie were gonna liberate Europe and fuck Malaysians.

>>542977179
Is..is that Billy Mays' beard?

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>>542982813
You are a god amongst men. Ill bring the cocaine. Got some good stuff from evidence awhile back.

>>542983142
I am already on boatd senator anon bro!

>>542983310
God I love being a Republican

I propose a bill that will deduct our pay to help our disabled veterans cope with their disabilities and find appropriate medical care and jobs when they return home from combat.

>>542983009
We'll only invade the ass-end of Canada. I as speaker of the house am a hockey fan, so we will spare Vancouver, Winnipeg, Calgary, Toronto, and Montreal.

>>542983493
Feels good to be Uhmurkan
> said no one ever
> just dint know bout that senator lyfe

>>542983658
Da blackhawks nigga

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>>542983656
>deduct our pay

Aaaaaaand you've lost us. Bill denied.

>>542983656
>Is mysteriously killed in a car "accident"

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My friends, ANSI (the people that make sure a foot is really a foot long) have created perfect american woman, in their view.

This is the prototype during environment testing. Shown here is the white brunette with giant dark nips version. As you can see, she has enough heft so that we know that she can have the 5 minimum children, a pretty face and a demeanor to match so you actually want to be around her, preferance for intercorse as god intended (on her back and bare back), tits that help every household break their dependency on foreign milk, and a cumpusive desire for sex from within the nuclear family unit.

Oh she swallows too.

She also counts for the dairy farm tax break too, in addtion to the american marriage credit too.

>>542983656
somebody isn't getting their cocaine

>>542983656
HELL NO. I need another yacht. My old one is almost a year old, and has a stain on the carpet from where by butler dropped my filet mignon and my maid never cleaned it up.

>>542983658
Hmm. Sounds good. Vancouver is nice. We should keep it.
CAPTCHA: lyingpre and
> something tells me youre lying

>>542983724
How hype for playoffs are you

I propose a national hockey tax to promote the popularity of the greatest sport on earth

>>542982710
Just shotgun?

Why not an M16 too?

>>542983743
Guise c-mon this will really help moral throughout the country

>>542984025
I am very hype

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>>542984016
I'm a member of Congress, so it is possible.

So when are we passing that bill that allows us to arrest everyone who is unemployed?

>>542984072
$999,999,999,999,999,999,999 weapons research and development program approved.

>>542983656

That's why you hire them as you private security. They take of you, you take care of them

>>542984101
try again next time rookie

>>542984336
When are we getting those handheld mini nuke launchers

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>>542983857

>>542984472
Didnt work. Knocked out 58th congress, donated them to inner city school distics instead

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>>542984215
Uh right the fuck now, obviously. Bill approved. Get rid of the dead weight as soon as possible, gentlemen.

>>542984336
Today was a good day

>>542984363
We need custom "I work for Congress and all I got was this stupid T-shirt" T-shirts.

>>542984653
what was the success rate?

>>542984336
SNTmAfQI is hereby appointed as head of the Special Committee On Super Ass-Kicking High-Tech Killing Machines

>>542984583
My exact response.

I got 69 of that model for testing purposes.

Also, we need to have one of those got milk ads made up for it. Promote natural desires in modern culture.

>>542984765
75% percent success, which was passing. Suck though,since those that did pass were murdered, thus creating the ghetto. They were good people that were murdered....

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>>542985391
Send our new private security teams into the ghetto.

>>542985391
No i mean the success rate for the launchers
Not for the nigglets

Aight niggas the liberation plane is about to depart congressman MuH is out

>>542985515
I second that motion. Then when they dead, ANSI has brand new testing zones for >>542983857
And the tree huggers can stop yelli g about more farms in the city.

Speaking of which, pass the coke will you?

>>542985602
AH

Those worked 100% correctly. Quality american engineering

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>the senator from California casts Filibuster Rank 10

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>>542986106
I cast superweapon

>its super effective

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>>542983857

The Senior Senator from Arizona approves.

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Hiya fellas just checking in on my friends at congress
Hey can we make it so the arabs and the poors get blamed for this?

>>542987383
Uh duh

Cutting welfare funding now. We're putting it into our pensions.