Tell me the darkest,most offensive,most fucked up joke you know.

>>541420437
faggot

>>541420437
what did the jewish pedo say to the little boy?
'hey kid, wanna buy some candy?'

I have a few good ones


>child opening his presents happy but confused
"mom, why am i getting christmas presents in august?"

"because its cheaper than chemotherapy"

I suppose this one could even be a riddle

how do you titfuck a 7 year old?

Break her shoulders

what do you call a black guy that makes bread for a living?

>a baker

i'm going to hell :(

Whats the difference between jam and jelly
You can't jelly your dick in a child's mouth

I hope I offended someone

>What's the difference between a nigger and a bicycle?

>Bicycle doesn't start singing when you put a chain on it.

>>541420437
Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?

Pizzas dont scream when you put them in the oven.

>>541420892
Ooooh so bad....

how do you fit a baby into a bowl?

blender

how do you get it back out again?

tortilla chips

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

You can't take a joke.

What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps?

Phelps can finish a race

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What's the difference between your mom and your mom?
..Your mom

what's the best part about raping a 4 year old?

hearing her hips snap

>>541420437
What is the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

what fo you call a fag in a wheelchair?
rolaids.
whats black and screams?
stevie wonder answering the Iron

What do you call a bus full of niggers going off a cliff?

A good start.

what do you get when you put a baby in a blender with dog shit and piss?

horny

What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall?

A broken nose.

>>541420437
Q: what do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill?
A: Avalanche

Q: what do you call a bunch of niggers running down the hill?
A: Mudslide

Q: What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down the hill?
A: target practice for the prison guards

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second frame

>>541420437
Look at the picture. what is wrong? exactly, he is German and is drinking whisky with ice.
fix it please.
/tread

None of these "offensive" are ever funny... At all. And not in some moral "omg so offensive" way either. They just fucking suck ass. Everyone tries too hard to be edgy and they forget the goddamn "joke" part.

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>>541420712
nice one

>>541420437
>>541420712
>>541421091
>>541421149
>>541421228
>>541421250
>>541421349
>>541421395
>>541421560
>>541421603
>>541421824
>>541421845
>>4edgy2me.jpg

How do you catch a pedofile necrophilliac? A: with a sandy hook

>>541422068
I don't get it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGA0dIz9-Wk
beat this joke bitchez

>>541421902
>mfw most neo-nazi's today are american

>>541422068

Quit whining and come up with your own original joke

>>541422068
Recall that 2000 was 14 years ago. There are probably 14 year olds all overthe site now

>>541422272
>implying anything on /b/ is original

God gave women yeast infections so that they would know what it was like living with an irritating cunt for once.

You are all racist
I am not because I own two black dogs and a colored T.V.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

The killer and his child soon-to-be victim are walking through the woods at night. The wind is howling, the trees are creaking, and the racing clouds cover and uncover the moon, creating spectral shapes that appear and fade. The child nervously looks up at the killer and says, "Hey mister, it's scary out here!". The killer replies, "YOU think YOU'RE scared! How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here alone!"

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

>>541422264
This is not a neo-nazi-faggot in the picture.
Protip: the most "neo-nazi's" are in Russia

>>541421902

Fuck you, he's too kawaii desu desu

>>541422068
Agreed. An offensive joke is a joke that is offensive, not just answering questions about raping/killing babies.

What's blue and fucks grannies?
>Pneumonia

How do You know your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood

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just posting

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>>541421902
You're blind, he's clearly drinking 100% concentrated orange jews.

I've got black people in my family tree, they're still hanging there.

>>541422068
>What do a nigger and an apple have in common?

>both look good hanging from a tree

You know you're girlfriend is too young when you have to make an airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.

They say there's safety in numbers.

Oh yeah? Try telling that to six million Jews

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it's intersected by a plane.

>>541421560
Who invented America?

Europeans

why do jews watch porn backwards?

so they can come when the prostitute hands the money to the guy

>>541422427
>>541422272
>implying anything at all is original

What's the only downside of eating bald pussy?

Putting her diaper back on afterwards.

>>541420437

...so he asked her, "Do you love me?" And she says, "No. But that's a nice ski mask."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Only know part of the joke, sorry.)

>>541423610
I've heard diaper rash as an alternative

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> What's the difference between a baby and an apple?
> I don't have sex with the apple before I eat it.

>>541421507
And as far as killing jews goes.
Phelps hardly killed any.

>what do you get when you stab a baby 20 times in the chest?
>an erection and 20 places to put it

Why do black people only have nightmares?Because the last one that had a dream got shot.

Q: Why do you lower a baby into a blender by its hair?

A: So you can look it in the eyes as you jack off.

What is the hardest part about watching an orphanage burn?

My cock

what does woman eat?

penis!!!

what is black mans favourite job?

is not job!!

what in america is huge?

jesus!!

what makes not noise and woman has cry??

died baby!!

who has not potato in one week?

african!!

Why do black people smell?

>So that blind people can hate them too.

>>541421560
>Agriculture
Stopped reading

Q:What's the difference between a Taliban training camp and a Pakistani elementary school?

A:Don't ask me-- I just fly the drone!

Showing my age:
Q:What's wrinkled and smells like Ginger?

A:Fred Astaire's face.

What did one World Trade Center say to the other?

I'd love to stand around all day, but I've got a plane to catch

>>541422227
Every Aristocrats joke is just people trying to be as vulgar as they can. They suck...
Oh, except for this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8q5B4IcVDc

some lines aren't meant to be crossed.

Like the finish line at the Boston marathon.

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>>541423534
No you fucking idiot the spanish founded america learn 2 geography you shit pusher

>kill yourself

What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?

One comes home from camp.

>>541424196

so the bad thing about black people is their skin shade? ok

>>541424050

hair first means the eyes would be gone pretty fast dumbshit, do you cum in two seconds?

>>541423610

you must be a seriously lazy low-IQ fat fuck if you think putting a diaper on is 'hard'

>>541423476

oh yeah that's funny because the plane that hit the pentagon totally obliterated one side of it. oh wait, no it didn't.

god you guys are retarded fags

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb??

2, one to beat the room for being black, and one to beat the bulb for being broke.

>>541424771
>nigger detected

>>541424617
murrican detected (stupid as shit)

>>541424147
Wut?

>>541420712
whats so particular funny about this?

>>541424771

>dat butthurt critique

enjoy your miserable life while I steal your sense of humor

This is one of my favourites:

-How do you kill more than 10 flies at the same time?
-By kicking a somalian child on the mouth

>>541424771
>oh look, its the guy noone likes.
Fuck off, nigger.

>>541424909
>wanna buy some candy?
>wanna buy some?
>wanna buy?
>buy?

A man enters a pharmacy and asks for birth control pills for his wife and his 7 year-old daughter.

The pharmacist is a little shocked and asks, “Your 7 year-old daughter is sexually active?”

“No,” replies the man, “she just sort of lays there and cries.”

>>541425034
thats not funny

how many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
>depends on how hard you throw them

whats green and crawls up your leg?
> a homesick abortion

why were so many soldiers killed in vietnam?
>everytime someone shouted "get down" they started to dance

what do you get when you chainsaw a baby in half?
>a hard-on

how many jews fit in a car?
>5 in the seats and 20 in the ashtray

what do black women call a pregnancy?
>a work accident

whats the difference between a baby and a fridge?
>cant fuck a fridge

what does a black man have after sex?
>20 years

what's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?
>Kermit the Frog's finger

what do you call a black woman who has had eight abortions?
>a crime-fighter

what's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
>the wheelchair

>>541425118
Maybe not funny, but true.

whats purple and hangs in my tree?
my nigger I can paint him any color I want

How do you stop the black kid from hanging out in your front yard?

Hang him in the back

What does a black man see when he looks up his family tree?


>a gorilla shits on his face

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>>541424147
>potato
>grammar
>pic related is you

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? No? They haven't either.

>>541424873
oh shit I trolled you, suck it faggot
>spain is in europe
>knew that the whole time
>wanted to make you frenchies angry cause you think you're all the smartest faggots
>when really you're all retards who have no idea how to win wars

>>541424909
oh no particular but funny you kno?

>>541420437
https://this.spooks.me/

I called my mate after he finished the Boston Marathon. He said he had a blast and can't feel his legs.

>>541421791
i kek'd

If the camera really does add 10 pounds, do african kids even exist?

How do you fool a spick?

Knock on the trunk and say "were here"

Bonus cause it rhymes

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick question, feminists can't change anything

>>541422556
i geddit

Did you guys hear about Paul Walker's death?

It was... all over the radio.

A guy came to my house asking if I would like to help out with the tsunami in Japan.

I said, "I would, but my hose only reaches the end of the driveway!"

What did the Jewish mother say after her daughter admitted to having an affair?

"Who catered it?"

What do you call an Asian man with long fingers?

Well hung.

What is the difference between black guys and white guys on Halloween?

Black guys buy pumpkins. White guys ARE bi and pump their kin.

>>541425691
Fuck, that doesnt rhyme at all

Man im drunk

>>541425283
Should be. His ancestors hanging

>>541425691
>were here
"were" and "here" does not rhyme

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

aids

How do you make 2+1=0? With planes and towers

>>541422446
This is fucking brilliant. And true. Sadly if she's in a relationship then the guy has to deal with two irritated cunts.

>>541425991
makes no sense

0/10

>never tell a joke again

I'm on the fence about abortion. On the one hand, it kills babies, which I'm all for. But it gives women a choice, which I'm, against.

>>541423985
lost

People remember that jesus made 300 people bread. But everyone forgets Hitler made 5 million jews toast.

What are albanians saving their rubber bands for?

their first satellite launch

>>541425381
Kek

>>541426097
go back on reddit you faggot.

Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9-11 victims, they went through 110 stories in 10 seconds

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>>541425991
>1 plane

I bet you deny the holocaust too

>>541425403
TRU. Eurofag here. All of us we fucking hate french faggots even more than murrifags. Frenchies are pussies who surrender at first sight of trouble. Collaborative scums, and retards speaking faggiest language in the world. Fuck frenchies!

>>541426147
Lol. I grinned. Now i feel like a bad person. 5 million people did not die so i could kek.

What do you call a bunch of niggers buried up to their necks?


Afroturf

How do you make a baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?
Left the plunger in the toilet

How does the Navy use niggers?
They debone them and wear them as wetsuits.

>>541426210
>default anger response
go back to 9gag

Why can't you take black babies to the beach?

cats will try to bury them

>>541426516
9fag*

What's the hardest thing about seeing children get hit by a car?

>My dick.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty two year olds?

>There's twenty of them.

Necrophillia is great until some rotten cunt splits on you.

>>541426516
>implying.
Heaven, why are you always such a nigger?

>>541426210
Explain the joke faggot

How do you know you're at a gay picnic?


all the hotdogs taste like shit

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>>541424617

I think we've found our resident 'Murican here.

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What do you call a 4th grader with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What's the difference between a nigger and dog shit
dog shit turns white and stops smelling

what's the difference between a nigger and a park bench

the park bench can support a family

>>541426409
Why did they invent white chocolate?
So little black kids can get messy too.

How long does it take a black woman to take a shit?
Nine months

A nigger walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender goes: "wow, where'd you get that thing?" The parrot replies: "Africa, there's tons of them there."

How was breakdancing invented?
Niggers trying to steal hubcaps off moving vehicles.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.

>>541426258
Finally we can hate someone together, Americans and Europeans combined
>aside from jews, niggers, Paki's etc...

>>541423865
My variant is "I don't ejaculate on an apple before I eat it". It adds some extra spice.

"Have you ever tried Somalian food?"
"No"
"Neither have Somalians"

Here, have a joke told to Ryan Gosling by Michelle Williams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r81UnTGfSfc

What did the leper say to the prostitue?

Thanks, keep the tip

>>541426610
Why does a bear shit in the woods?

>What's the best part in putting a baby in the microwave?
>Cumming just as his head explodes

>>541426718
see
>>541425403

I love being a faggot in these terrible threads

>kisses on your smegma ;)

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"What do you call a dead puppy"

"You can call it whatever you want, it still won't come to you."

>>541426925
Because we are niggers.

>>541427170
Wait, what?

So a man was driving down the highway early one morning. It was a seldom used road in the countryside. Off in the distance he sees what appears to be a car accident. As he gets closer he notices it is indeed a horrible accident. A car is smashed into a tree with smoke and broken glass everywhere. He quickly gets out of his car to inspect the wreckage and to see if anyone is alive. To his horror he sees that the driver's face is completely impaled by a branch, blood and brain matter is everywhere. The passenger seat is completely crushed and whoever was sitting there is mangled beyond any recognition. As the man looks on in shock he hears crying coming from the backseat. A little girl scratched and bruised is curled up sobbing. He manages to get the door open and pulls her out of the smoking wreck a few yards to safety. Aside from her mild injuries she is miraculously alright.

"Tell me happened sweetie!" Says the man, trying to calm the hysterical child.

She sobs. "Daddy was driving, and a deer jumped into the road! Daddy tried to swerve away, Mommy was screaming. Now they're DEAD!" She whales.

The man unzips his pants and says, "Wow, Today just ain't your day."

>>541427170
I don't really know if you were trying to make a joke out of that it was more of a response to >>541426610

>>541427270
>>541427170
>>541427074
Heaven thread?

>>541426516
>>541426638
>>541426925
>>541427170
>>541427270
>>541427336
>implying this is not one huge samefag.
Fuck off finally.

>>541427453
Heaven thread.
Sad they usually never last long.

>>541427274

lulwut

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0z0yuHQkCM

This. This is it.

>>541427453
Brb, smokeing.

>>541427456
not entirely

>and I'm gonna stay so you might as well go before you get too mad

>>541420437
This is the worst yet funny black humor I know.

What do you get when you in an infant?
A boner.

>>541427627
I'll be here

How do you babysit black babies?
>attach them to the ceiling by their lips.
How do you get them down?
>break the suction.

When white babies go to heaven what are they called?
>angels
When black babies go to heaven what are they called?
>bats

>>541420437
>kid runs into kitchen yelling "MOM MOM GRANNY'S PLAYING WITH HER SHRIMP IN THE LIVING ROOM!"
>Mom follows kid into living room, finds granny furiously fingering herself
>gross
>mom sighs: "son, that isn't her 'shrimp'. It's called her vagina"
>kid: "but it sure tasted like shrimp!"

>>541424617
You uneducated nigger.

>>541428324
>still falling for it

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>>541427661
Back
>THIS IS NOW A /b/ THREAD. POST RANDOM STUFF!

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>>541425403
mfw the United States would not have existed without French military support against the unbeaten Empire on which the sun never set.

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>>541420437
Pic related.

Forgive me padre for I have sinned.

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>>541428468
k

>>541425403
Hows winning that war in iraq or afghanistan going for you? Or vietnam? You really showed those terrorist scum. Thanks 'murica

>>541428503
What do Ethiopians do at night?
>Make commercials
A bunch of window blinds got dropped of to ethiopia, They used them as hammocks
whats the best part of getting head from an Ethiopian chick?
>You know she will always swallow

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>>541428623
>>541428503
lel mad french faggots

>go have some cheese and wine

>>541425915
Lost hard

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saging with pictures is fun

>>541428807
I can't hear you over the sound of butthutus americanus. Could you speak up?

This joke works better when said out loud:

>what's the best part of fucking 21 year olds?

>there's 20 of them

>>541421781
>whats black and screams?
>stevie wonder answering the Iron
lel

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>>541429019
>butthutus americanus.
where are they?

What's the worst thing about being a black Jew

Having to stand at the back of the oven

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>>541429384
I like that one

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>>541429747
want

>>541424771
It doesn't say "hair first," it says "by its hair."

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>>541429989
looks like something out of Oddworld

>>541420437

I worked with a dude that used to pull a joke.

Whenever anyone mentioned the nazis or he used to say with a super-straight, sad face:

>My grand father died in a concentration camp.

To which most often the reply is one of compassion. For instance:

>Oh, i am so sorry Anon

And his reply to this would be:

>Yeah, he fell tripped and fell off his watch tower.

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>>541430285

That waas meant to say "The nazis or the holocaust"